San Francisco Bay Area Women's Journal by Cypress Publishing

San Francisco

Issue 1: May 2010

www.bayareawj.com

Bay Area Women’s Journal Ignite the Passion in Your Relationship! P16

Indulge Your SF Foodie Passion … on a Budget! P34

Put Your Feminine Power to Work … at Work P13 Paul Ash on Ending Hunger in SF P24 Dr. Sandi Altman Delivers … With a Smile P14 Detox Your Body the Easy Way P31

365!

Live Your Best Life …

Welcome to the Premiere Digital edition of the… San Francisco Bay Area Women’s Journal!

Digital Reading Tips Here are some quick tips that we hope will make your digital reading experience “virtually” perfect!

1. Just click on the Fullscreen icon in the left hand corner of the tool bar and voila … you will have a wonderful viewing experience. 2. Double click on a photo or content to magnify it; double click to return it to the original size. 3. Turn the pages by either simply clicking on the arrow that is on the outside of each page, or click on the arrow icon located in the tool bar. 4. If you want to see an index of all the pages, simply click on the “4 square” icon in the tool bar. 5. Hey do you want to print a page? It’s easy! Click on this icon in the tool bar . You will be able to print the left page, the right page or BOTH! 6. Want to share the whole magazine or a page or two? Just click on the share icon in the tool bar and you can e-mail, or add it to your Facebook page, tweet about it, book mark it and just about anything else that you can imagine. 7. And last but not least, maybe you would like to save a copy or just a page. Click on the download arrow and just like that you will have a beautiful PDF copy of your own! 8. And if all of this isn’t enough … all of our links are “hot”. So if you see something that you want to follow or you have a burning desire to make a comment … like magic … simply click on that link and you will be whisked away to that page!

San Francisco Bay Area

Feature Spotlight

Featured Woman

Dr. Altman

Featured Man

Paul Ash

PAGE 14

PAGE 24

Medical Director, John Muir’s Center for Women’s Continence & Pelvic Health

Executive Director, San Francisco Food Bank

ackling a health issue that most women are embarrassed to talk about, Dr. Sondra Altman was recently named Medical Director of the new Center for Women’s Continence & Pelvic Health at the John Muir Women’s Health Center. One in three women is afflicted with this problem. The emotional and social implications cause women to suffer in silence, which can lead to social isolation and have a devastating impact on their quality of life. Long known around Contra Costa County as “Dr. Sandi”, OB/GYN, Dr. Altman brings her special brand of compassion and good humor to this very challenging health issue.

aul Ash, Executive Director of the San Francisco Food Bank knows a lot about feeding people. The SF Food Bank is the critical link between food and people, with the distribution of food that feeds over 23,500 Bay Area households each week through 200+ non-profit partners. Ash also helped develop an innovative program, Farm to Family, which partners with over 100 different growers and packers to funnel fresh and nutritious produce to those that rely on the Food Bank. Last year over 20 million pounds and 60% of the food that was distributed was fresh produce. And the San Francisco Food Bank distributes more pounds per person in poverty than all other food banks in the nation!

SF Bay Area Women’s Journal www.bayareawj.com

Welcome What We’re About!

he SF Bay Area Women’s Journal is a lifestyle publication, for and about SF Bay Area Women. Presented in a cross media platform experience featuring a monthly digital magazine, online informational blogs, Buy SF Biz Directory and a soon-to-be-launched Non-Profit Directory; our goal is to provide you with useful information … on your terms … when YOU want and need it! Living in the SF Bay Area, renowned for its innovation, cultural diversity, world class cuisine, and scenic beauty provides you with a one-of-a-kind opportunity to find and define your own unique voice. Living Your Best Life … 365 is not about whether you can “Do It All”; living your best life is about defining success for yourself and finding your special brand of happiness! Spark of Connection Whether it’s though an article, ad, comment on a blog post, directory listing or a video, we hope to be the “spark of connection” that fosters ongoing success in your personal, family and work life!

Living Your Best Life … 365! is not about whether you can “Do It All”; living your best life is about defining success for yourself and finding your special brand of happiness! Our on-line approach makes it easy for you to access this information 24x7 as well as share it with others. And while you’re at it, we hope that you will join or start a conversation on topics that are important to you. Your thoughts help to educate, inspire and encourage other readers to think bigger and bolder! Reach the Influential Women’s Market Did you know that women make 80% of all consumer purchases, including everything from autos to healthcare to electronics? Did you know that women spend about $5 trillion (yes trillion) annually … over half of the US Gross Domestic Purchases (GDP)? If you want to reach the most influential consumer in the SF Bay Area … Women … Call or e-mail us today to learn more! You can reach us at 866-703-8163 or send an e-mail to info@bayareawj.com.

San Francisco

Bay Area Women’s Journal

365!

Live Your Best Life …

Publisher / Chief Marketing Officer

Debbie Josendale Editor

Charlotte Cranz Feature Writer

Deborah Prager Burstyn Technology and Operations

Victor Brown Layout & Design

T.L. Price Distribution

via the internet Contact 1325 Howard Ave. Suite 420 Burlingame, CA 94010 866-703-8163

info@BayAreaWJ.com www.BayAreaWJ.com The San Francisco Bay Area Women’s Journal™ (SF BAWJ) is a digital publication that is published monthly and is available free of charge. Trademark and U.S. Copyright laws protect the SF BAWJ. No part of this magazine may be reproduced without the written permission of the publisher. The SF BAWJ is not responsible for any editorial comment (other than its own), typographical errors from advertisements submitted as production ready or any reproductions of advertisements submitted as production ready. SF BAWJ cannot be held responsible for the opinions expressed or facts supplied by contributors. We do not endorse products and services advertised. SF BAWJ advises all readers to perform their own due diligence to verify the credentials of any service provider or practitioner. If an advertisement does not meet our standards of acceptance, we may revise or cancel it at any time, whether or not it has been already acknowledged and/or previously published. The advertiser assumes sole responsibility for all statements contained in submitted copy and will protect and indemnify the SF BAWJ, its owners, publishers, and employees against any and all liability loss or expense arising out of claims for libel, unfair trade names, patents, copyrights and propriety rights, and all violations of the right of privacy or other violations resulting from the publication by this magazine of its advertising copy. ©2010 San Francisco Bay Area Women’s Journal

SF Bay Area Women’s Journal www.bayareawj.com

Greetings and Welcome to the Premiere Edition of the…

San Francisco Bay Area Women’s Journal! S

pring, filled with the fresh smell of flowers and grass and sunny days has finally arrived. It signifies new beginnings and brings us hope that, yes…we have survived this year’s amazing rainy season. Now it’s time to enjoy all that the SF Bay Area has to offer! Speaking of new beginnings, what better time than Spring to introduce our brand new digital edition of the San Francisco Bay Area Women’s Journal! It’s the perfect season for new growth and our digital magazine is an exciting new way to deliver the SF BAWJ to you. Like watching our gardens start to bloom and the leaves popping out

on the trees, watching the SF BAWJ grow into a digital magazine has been exciting and exhilarating. As a natural extension of our popular website, you can now enjoy all of the articles and helpful information in a digital format, 24x7x365! And it’s easy to share the whole magazine, share a page, and retrieve important information that you have bookmarked or even leave a comment… all from the comfort of your laptop, mobile phone or iPad! In addition to our regular spotlight features on Bay Area Women and Men Who Make a Difference in our community, we will now be able to bring you a variety of new features in each edition. Beginning with our

Premiere edition, we will showcase the work of a local Bay Area Artist on every cover and also share their story. As always you will find many helpful resources and ideas from our columnists, most of whom are SF Bay Area residents. The San Francisco Bay Area is a truly remarkable place to live. It is our hope that the San Francisco Bay Area Women’s Journal inspires you to Live Your Best Life…365! As always, whether you’re chasing a toddler, your next big promotion or reaching for your dreams…here’s to inspired living!

San Francisco

Issue 1: May 2010

www.bayareawj.com

Bay area Women’s Journal Ignite the Passion in Your Relationship! P16

Indulge Your SF Foodie Passion … on a Budget! P34

About Our Cover

Keep in touch!

The artwork on our cover is by SF Artisit Tomoko Maruyama. The title of this piece is quite simple “SF”! Read about and see more of Tomoko’s work on page 8.

Put Your Feminine Power to Work … at Work P13 Paul Ash on Ending Hunger in SF P24 Dr. Sandi Altman Delivers … With a Smile P14 Detox Your Body the Easy Way P31 Live Your Best Life …

365!

SF Bay Area Women’s Journal www.bayareawj.com

SF Bay area women’s journal

PAGE 10

PAGE 16

Love & Relationships 16 19 37 39

Ignite the Passion in Your Relationship What Women’s Sexuality Really Means CA Prenups … What You Must Know Love, Marriage, Then What

Career & Business 12 18 20 22

Overcoming Sales Objections … the Charismatic Way The New Path to Job Security Effective Leadership Begins with Knowing Yourself To Stay in Business … You have to Ask for the Sale

Money & Wealth

23 Creative Ways to Lower You House Payment 32 Indulge Your SF Foodie Passion … on a Budget

Fashion & Shopping

11 How Much Do Your Clothes Really Cost

SF Bay Area Women’s Journal www.bayareawj.com

PAGE 20

may 2010 Table of Contents

PAGE 35

PAGE 38

Inspiration & Motivation 8 9 34 40

Meet Tomoko Maruyama Want Different Results … Change Your Actions Take a Walk on the Bright Side Success Sparks

Health & Wellness

30 Improve Your Sex Life with Hypnotherapy 31 Spring Detoxification-Cleansing in Everyday Life

Home & Garden

28 Decorative Painters Work their Magic 35 Flowers and Art … Color, Line and Balance

Parenting & Teens

26 Happy Mother’s Day 27 Keep Your Kids Safe Online

SF Bay Area Women’s Journal www.bayareawj.com

expert contributors

Nikki Anderson is a founding partner and a coach within Think Feel Know, USA. Her specialty is working with entrepreneurs, executive women and small business teams that are ready to grow to the next level. Learn more at CoachNikki.com.

Michele Lisenbury Christensen and Sara Harvey Yao are the authors of “Succeeding without Side Effects: Burnout-Proof Your Leadership and Life.” They provide executive coaching, training, and lively keynote presentations for co-ed audiences who want more success with fewer side effects. Learn more at WorkingwithPower.com.

Barbara Mark, Ph.D. is the CEO and Founder of Full Circle Institute. FCI is a leadership development company for female executives. Dr. Mark is a thought leader in the area of Women in Leadership and Leadership for the Future. Learn more at FullCircleInstitute.com.

Michele Benza is the founder of “Michele Benza Image Consulting and Posture” a program that focuses on enhancing one’s personal and professional image. She is certified in image consulting from European Institutions and her niche is European style and elegance. Learn more at MicheleBenza.com.

Katherine Forsythe, MSW, is committed to bringing joy and insight into relationships, intimacy, and sexuality for women at midlife and beyond. Through her blog, consulting, and speaking, she inspires us to redefine and invigorate intimacy and relationships on our terms, as we mature. Learn more at GetASeondWind.com.

Elinor Stutz is CEO of Smooth Sale, LLC a sales training company. She is available for team training, coaching, motivational speaking and includes the Smooth Sale product line as part of her program. Learn more at SmoothSale.net.

Ellen Looyen, “America’s Leader in Personal Branding” has helped all types of businesses (from entrepreneurial start-ups to corporations like Chevron and Kaiser Permanente), discover their unique Brand identity and articulate their value in a compelling and charismatic way. To learn more visit, BrandedwithCharisma.com.

Rick Snyder, MA, Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) and MFT Intern, is a life coach and therapist in private practice in the San Francisco Bay Area. He is as also a course leader for the Authentic Man Program and The Transformational Coaching and Leadership Training. Learn more at RickSnyder.org.

Allison Gervais Sofnas is a Senior Mortgage Loan Consultant with First Capital Group - a mortgage company in San Francisco, CA. She offers residential and commercial financing. To learn more please send Allison and e-mail or contact her at (415) 218-5401.

SF Bay Area Women’s Journal www.bayareawj.com

Debra Disman, Principal of ArtiFactory Studio, is passionate about translating her Client’s inner vision into concrete visual form. She can help you use the magic of decorative painting to transform your home, place of business, even your community! Learn more at ArtiFactoryStudio.com.

Jane Ransom, MA, Certified Hypnotherapist, conducts hypnotherapy sessions in her downtown San Francisco office, as well as by phone and online web-cam. Learn more at HypnotherpyThatWorks.com

Kristin Hoppe, BS, NC, is a Certified Nutrition Consultant, Educator, and Natural Chef. She received her nutrition and culinary training from Bauman College, and holds a Bachelor of Science degree in Chemical Engineering from Lafayette College. Learn more at FoodTherapySF.com.

Cathy Curtis is an independent fee-only Certified Financial Planner and CA Registered Investment Advisor based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Her firm, Curtis Financial Planning (since 2001) specializes in the finances of women, their families and their businesses. Learn more at CurtisFinancialPlanning.com.

Kristin Southwick is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with the CA Board of Behavioral Science and received her Master’s from John F. Kennedy University. Kristin believes therapy is a meaningful experience that offers a supportive and confidential space to explore aspects of one’s life and relationships. Learn more at KristinSouthwick.com.

Lisa Lewis has gone from life in the FAT lane to life in the FAST lane through a remarkable renovation of the body and the mind. She is a certified Nutrition and Wellness Consultant and an Independent Associate with Isagenix International. To learn more, please e-mail Lisa!

Terrance Heath is a graduate of UC Berkeley and Boston College Law School and is the principal at Heath Law Group in San Francisco. He has built his practice on the following philosophy “We can use the law to create opportunities for ourselves, our children, and the communities we belong to. We must never lose sight of what we want in life.” Learn more at HeathLawGroup.com.

Laurel Winzler is the owner of Laurel Designs, a successful floral and event planning business. She is a preferred vendor at many exclusive SF Bay Area event venues, and donates her time and talents to many organizations. Learn more at FLaurel.com.

Carrie Silver-Stock, MSW, LCSW, is the founder of www.girlswithdreams.com, a social networking site that provides support, advice, and tips on the issues girls struggle with most. She is the author of Secrets Girls Keep: What Girls Hide (& Why) and How to Break the Stress of Silence (HCI).

SF Bay Area Women’s Journal www.bayareawj.com

May Featured Artist

Tomoko Tomoko Maruymama wearing her “Painted Ladies”

Maruyama

n every edition of the San Francisco Bay Area Women’s Journal we feature the artwork of a local artist on our cover. Art enriches and deepens our life experience. And here in the Bay Area, rich with creativity, we are pleased to bring you artwork every month that we hope touches you in a unique way. Tomoko Maruyama is our featured artist for May. Originally from Japan, Tomoko is a San Francisco based graphic designer. She started her career in Tokyo as a sports teacher for children and seniors. But she soon realized her real passion and interest was in graphic design. This took her to New York where she studied art and began to develop her unique artistic style! Tomoko strives to create artwork that evokes feelings of happiness and peace which are a reflection of her warm heart. With a distinctive design style that is warm, positive and soft, she is influenced by the daily experience of the cities that she has lived in including Tokyo, New York and San Francisco. Today her work can be found on adorable baby clothes, t-shirts, greeting cards, wedding invitations and illustrations such as our cover! The effusive responses … adorable, so sweet, love the soft colors, breath of fresh air, so happy … that are often heard when people see her work make Tomoko smile. Her career switch might seem dramatic, but it’s obvious that she has found her true calling and is living her dream! For a complete listing of retailers who carry Tomoko’s work, click here. You can also buy Tomoko’s work from her Etsy shop, and visit her website TomokoMaruyama.com to learn more.

SF Bay Area Women’s Journal www.bayareawj.com

Inspiration & Motivation

Want Different Results… CHANGE Your Actions!

by Nikki Anderson

o you know the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I believe to some degree we ALL make repeated choices that result in a less than satisfying outcome – and we do it more than once! For some of us, it takes a bit longer to realize that we’re NOT going to get what we want from making this choice or taking this action … and for others, the lesson is learned quickly. Wake Up and Take Note of Your Actions! Recently I was on a call with a colleague and he said, “If you don’t like your circumstances, change your actions.” His comment struck me like a splash of cold water in my face. I suddenly woke up and took at look at the places in my life where I’m not necessarily getting the results I want … yet I keep doing the same actions. As an example, I often have days that I feel could have been ‘more productive’. Now, I know this is subjective and I’m often told that I’m a busy, organized person. But I also know that there are ways I could be more efficient (i.e. check emails and Blackberry less, take more time to clarify my objectives for the day, not working at home to avoid distraction, etc.) If Nothing Changes … Nothing Changes So, why do I take these actions regardless? Why am I resistant to

changing these actions on a consistent basis? I know exactly what checking my Blackberry several times per day will get me – distracted! If I counted up how many minutes I spend checking my Blackberry per day I imagine it would be astonishingly high. NOT a good use of my time or energy. And certainly does not support my objective most times – which is to be focused.

had ramifications)? Finish this sentence, “It’s time for me to STOP ______________ and START ________________.” You’re not alone with your behavior – we ALL do this to some degree. However, now that you have some awareness of what you’re doing, you can make a conscious choice starting NOW to make different choices. Again, as my friend said, “If you don’t like your circumstances, change

“I’m fascinated by the simplicity of this concept … yet struck by how challenging it can feel to change the actions and behavior in pursuing a different outcome.” I’m fascinated by the simplicity of this concept … yet struck by how challenging it can feel to change the actions and behavior in pursuing a different outcome. And, I’ve more and more clear today that if nothing changes, nothing changes. What Do You Want to Improve in Your Life? So, what circumstances in your life do you want to change?

your actions.” What ONE action can you change today that will make a BIG difference? Here’s to new outcomes!

Is it your work environment? Is it the way you feel about your body? Is it getting out of debt? Is it getting stuck in a mindset that consistently derails you (that was caused by an action you took that felt good in the moment and later

SF Bay Area Women’s Journal www.bayareawj.com

How Much Do Your Clothes, Shoes & Accessories Really Cost You?

SF Bay Area Women’s Journal www.bayareawj.com

Fashion & Shopping “It does not matter whether the item is an expensive pair of Christian Louboutin shoes or an H&M skirt or, whether you spent $2,000 or $100 on an item, just as long as you get your money’s worth.” cost-per-wear (CPW) for each item. It gave me a good idea of how skilled I am at investing in clothes.

by Michele Benza

e have a tradition in our family. We go to a movie every day during the holiday season from December 25th right through to New Year’s Day. It’s a fun tradition that I always look forward to. My Ah-Ha Moment! Last December, one of my favorite movies was “Up in the Air.” George Clooney plays the main character, an executive, who travels around the country to fire people. He has no life to speak of. He carries all he needs in one wheel-away suitcase. This movie provided an ah-ha moment for me. What if I were to empty my dressing room and throw all my clothes, accessories, coats et al– on my bed and contemplate their value? The first question that came to mind was, ‘do I really need all these clothes?’ Looking at the pile, I could not help but wonder how much money I’d spent for each item. Was it worth it? Was it a good investment? I started to add the numbers in my mind. Oh boy! How many hours had I worked to pay for all that? Scary? You bet! How Much Do My Clothes Really Cost? I decided to create a spreadsheet and to calculate an approximate

For those of you who are not familiar with CPW, it’s a concept that rationalizes the expense of a garment by dividing each time you wear it into the original cost.

The worst CPW comes with items that result from impulse shopping. It’s been a long time since I’ve shopped during a moment of weakness without any plan in mind. But believe me; I can attest that the very worst CPW results from those spontaneous purchases.

Cost-per-wear means spending money on a piece of clothing that you will wear continually makes it a good investment. The more you wear it, the better the return on your initial purchase. It does not matter whether the item is an expensive pair of Christian Louboutin shoes or an H&M skirt or, whether you spent $2,000 or $100 on an item, just as long as you get your money’s worth.

Here are my top four CPW items, and what I consider my best investments of all time:

What’s the Right Amount for Cost per Wear?

4. And finally, a scarf (see Photo) that I purchased decades ago. This scarf cost me an arm and a leg when I bought it. But I am still wearing it today and get lot’s of compliments.

According to some of my colleagues, the ideal CPW should be $2. I disagree with that number. Achieving that goal poses a real challenge for those who have ‘a closet full of clothes and nothing to wear’ don’t you think? In my opinion, the CPW should certainly not exceed your hourly income. By the way, this applies for your lunches too. Have you ever calculated how much you have to work just to buy your daily lunch?

1. An EtcEtc Black Suit that I bought in 2004. Apx Cost per Wear? $5.00! 2. A BCBG bag that I bout in 2007. Cost per Wear? Less than $2.00! 3. Shoes and matching handbag that I purchased in 1996 from Emporio Armani. Cost per Wear? About $3.00!

Cost per Wear? Next to nothing! I am pleased to report that my average CPW on my entire wardrobe is less than $5.00. Now, I challenge you to examine YOUR pile of clothes. Which items were your best investments? A la prochaine!

SF Bay Area Women’s Journal www.bayareawj.com

Business & Career

Overcoming Sales Objections the Charismatic Way! by Ellen Looyen

Excuses: They do not plan to buy anything and probably never did Use These Three Words to Help You Understand Clients Objections The easiest way to handle objections is to confront them head-on, using the following three words:

Feel: … “I understand how you feel.”

harismatic people know that in order to be successful, they must really listen to the objections that their prospects might have before hiring them or doing business with them.

People want to feel really listened to and heard, regardless of whether what they are objecting to makes any rational sense; and empathy goes a long way in building a charismatic personal brand.

An objection is a great opportunity to find out what’s really going on in your prospect’s mind. It’s an opportunity to hear about any doubts or concerns that your prospect may have about you or your offering.

Felt: … “Another client of mine used to feel the same way … until they worked with me or tried (insert your product name or service here) _______________________.

People do not buy when they feel doubtful or uncertain, so overcoming objections one-by-one is critical for removing any obstacles to a sale. Answering Objections Clears the Path to Making the Sale! Sometimes objections scare people … and they ignore them; and then they wonder why they did not make the sale. When your clients raise objections, you have a great opportunity to answer all of them, thus clearing the path for someone to buy your services. Charismatic people think of a prospect’s objections merely as buying questions that still need answering.

Found: … “Now my client is benefiting in the following ways” You now get the opportunity to share a real success story (of someone who once had the same objection(s) as your doubting prospect … (but who now has become a raving champion of you and your work) I even like to share an actual hand-written client questionnaire that cites the same benefits that this prospect could have, too … but only if they hired me or used my product or service. Always be asking yourself … What’s in it for my clients? Learn to speak in value statements … think beneficial outcomes that

get others to respond with “I need that” … ”I want that” … Articulating value is the most important part of branding … as people are constantly translating your message into, “What’s in it for me?” And your benefits must answer that question in a succinct, credible, emotionally connecting and memorable way. Most people spend too much time

“An objection is a great opportunity to find out what’s really going on in your prospect’s mind.” defining what something is … and then explaining how it works. They describe the features and the functions, or how a process works. They often omit the WHY someone should even care. We only care about something that’s relevant to us … when it becomes personal. So always be sure to relate your benefits back to the specific needs of your prospects. When you focus on your clients needs, you change the sales objections conversation from what you want to listening to your clients concerns. And this opens up the opportunity to thoughtfully answer their objections, clearing the way for a sale. This is the heart of overcoming sales objections the Charismatic Way!

Most objections fall into categories … Price: It’s too expensive … it’s not in our budget … business is slow right now Value: I’m not sure it will work for us … our needs are different than other companies Fears: We hired someone just like you before and it didn’t work out … my staff will object to outside help

SF Bay Area Women’s Journal www.bayareawj.com

It Pay$ to Pay Attention to Women$$$

It’s All in a Woman’s Life!

Apartments  Marriage  Pets  Kids  Love  Home  Weddings Dinner Parties  Kiss Boo-Boos  Cars  Career  Home Repair Bank Account  Investment s  Clothes Gym  Shoes and more Shoes Bliss  Furniture  Flat Screen TVs  Change Jobs Start a Biz Momprenuer  Healthy Eating Gratitude  College  Grad School Yoga  Vacation Home  Grandkids  Celebrate  Girlfriend Time Shopping T herapy  Romantic Weekends  Wine  Laugh  Mom & Dad Travel  Spa  Green  Fine Dining  Take-Out  Learn  Relocate New Horizons  Wellness  Concerts  Movies  Community  Helping-Hand Health  Birthday Parties Holidays  Gifts Dance  Garden Fulfillment  Living a Life you Love! Women are today’s decision makers. We’re focused on them. Are YOU? If reaching the women’s market is important to YOU, then the

San Francisco Bay Area Women’s Journal Must be #1 in your Advertising and Marketing Mix. Call 866-703-8162 ext 701 or e-mail Info@bayareawj.com today!

It Pay$ to Pay Attention to Women$$$

section & header

“In spite of all the changes in medicine it always comes down to the doctor and the patient. That is where the passion and the joy come in. At the end of the day that’s what you’ve got - that you made a difference in someone’s life.” Dr. Sandi Altman, Medical Director talks with a patient at the newly opened John Muir Women’s Center for Continence and Pelvic Health.

Improving Women’s Healthcare with a Smile …

Dr. Sondra Altman Delivers! by Debra Burstyn

he’s known around Contra Costa County as the Menopause Maven. Now Dr. Sondra Altman, who for years has focused her gynecology practice on the health issues of older women, has a new title. She has been appointed to be the Medical Director of the newly opened John Muir Women’s Center for Continence and Pelvic Health in Walnut Creek. The Medical Center is Unique to the Bay Area Presenting a mix of treatment options,

including biofeedback and physical therapy, the Center is the first of its kind in the area. Dr. Altman, 57, will oversee a dream team that includes urologists, colorectal surgeons, gynecologists and nurse practitioners to offer women individualized testing and analysis. A Conversation with Dr. Sandi “Dr. Sandi” as she is fondly known to her patients recently sat down with the SF Bay Area Women’s Journal to share her thoughts and unique brand of humor regarding her new role in

SF Bay Area Women’s Journal www.bayareawj.com

uro-gynocolgy, her life and calling of the past 30 years. On women’s Incontinence Childbirth is not kind to the pelvic floor. Incontinence typically starts in the childbearing years then accelerates through menopause and the Medicare years. Of the 13 million Americans with urinary incontinence, 85% are women. Women think they’re stuck wearing Poise pads. They’re not. It’s fixable.

SF Bay Area Feature On Being a Doctor

“Whoa! I didn’t know women could become Doctors. It was Boston in the early 70s.” On Influences I was studying to be a preschool teacher at Tufts. Sesame Street was new and exciting. My roommate was pre-med. Whoa. I didn’t know women could be doctors. It was Boston in the early 70s. The first “Our Bodies, Ourselves” had just been published.

is no increased risk associated with that. So you don’t have to choose between being crazy now or getting cancer later. The publicity around this has done a great disservice to women. On a Typical Day

A doctor was arrested at Boston University for presenting a lecture on birth control to co-eds. The idea that women could receive health information and take control of their bodies was radical. I had found my calling.

Last Thursday I removed 17 fibroids from a patient’s uterus. That’s like the equivalent of three babies’ heads. She was a lot thinner afterwards. I also do DNCs and hysterectomies. There’s paperwork and seeing patients in my office.

On Geography

I also practice what I preach and exercise every day; a spinning class or Pilates. I eat lunch at my desk with People magazine, my guilty pleasure.

At Boston University Medical School, I had to get up an hour earlier just to dig out my car after a snowstorm. I arranged to do my internship and residency at Kaiser Foundation Hospital in Oakland and never went back. On Life/Work Choices When I had two kids in diapers at home, I gave up obstetrics. My former husband also was a doctor and worked long hours. I had to leave the house before the sitter got there because I had to go deliver babies.

On Patients Most of my patients are over 40. But I also get some of the kids I delivered. They are all grown up now and in law school. I love what I do. I have the nicest patients. I am so lucky.

In spite of all the changes in medicine it always comes down to the doctor and the patient. That is where the passion and the joy come in. At the end of the day that’s what you’ve got - that you made a difference in someone’s life. On Taking on New Responsibilities Periodically you need to reset and refresh. I am excited about the new field of uro-gynecology and learning more about it. This is my new calling. For the many smiles that you have brought from delivering babies to making us laugh at the experience of menopause and now incontinence (does it ever end) … we say thankyou Dr. Sandi! You can find more information at the John Muir Women’s Center for Continence and Pelvic Health website!

Debra Burstyn is a feature writer for the SFBAWJ.

Doing only gynecology was going to be short-term until my kids were older but as my patients aged, a funny thing happened. I had to learn about menopausal issues and hormones on my own. Menopause as a field of interest did not exist. I had found a new calling. On Hormone Replacement Therapy All the data point to the risk of cancer increasing after five years of hormone replacement therapy. Two to three years is usually what is helpful for women when they are going through menopause and there

The John Muir Women’s Center for Continence and Pelvic Health.

SF Bay Area Women’s Journal www.bayareawj.com

Love & Relationships

Ignite the Passion

in Your Relationship by Honoring Your Truth by Rick Snyder

t takes great courage to continue to honor our truth in relationship. As my friend Jayson says, “The hallmark of a healthy, solid relationship is the willingness and ability to go into conflict and deal.” After working with hundreds of couples and individuals who are searching for more passion and aliveness in their relationships, I have to agree. A common overlooked theme that often brings couples to my practice is the withholding of their authentic “truth”. This often happens as the relationship progresses and we get more “comfortable.” “I Don’t Want to Rock the Boat” Each partner no longer wants to risk “rocking the boat,” with the common excuse of “not wanting to get into a fight about it.” Soon, each partner begins withholding what they really feel and think, and buries their authentic expression.

“I grew up in a household where it was admirable to sugarcoat or put on “a good face,” and not fully own what I was really feeling.” In therapy or coaching sessions, this often shows up as a complaint about the deadness in their relationship. We are trained and conditioned in our culture to believe that conflict is bad. When the truth is that conflict is inevitable, and the real question is how do we face and skillfully navigate conflict when it arises? This is

where a relationship actually deepens and departs from the “honeymoon stage” where everything is what we’ve always dreamed of.

Or the other extreme is using our “truth” as a weapon against the other person. This is where we assume our authority on someone else’s experience.

Differing Points of View can lead to Deeper Relationships

I grew up in a household where it was admirable to sugarcoat or put on “a good face,” and not fully own what I was really feeling. Thus, this is often the dynamic that shows up in my personal relationships.

As one of my professors often said, “A relationship doesn’t really happen until you’ve had your first fight.” What he meant by this is that only when the honeymoon bubble pops, do both partners have to face and negotiate differing points of view. Only then do they have an opportunity to face adversity together and either make it through and deepen their relationship, or decide to never go there again. This is where our idealized projections of our partner begin to fade and we get to see and experience each other for who we really are. The Art of Telling the Truth Now, there is an art to telling one’s truth. We can either err on the side of sugarcoating or sanitizing our truth, so it comes out as if we are sorry for having any differing thoughts or feelings at all.

So I have been practicing the opposite – which is to lean into the uncomfortable edge of owning my feelings and just “rolling things out” without censoring myself. And then later cleaning up what needs to be cleared up in my communication. As soon as I own where I’m disconnected, or where I am withholding my truth, I am back in connection and in relationship. The more you lean into the edge that you’re not as comfortable with; more of you will actually be present in the relationship. Not only will you find the missing passion but you will continue to discover deeper levels of intimacy.

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Business & Career

The New Path to Job Security: Bringing Feminine Power to Work by Michele Lisenbury Christensen and Sara Harvey Yao

ith layoffs, wage cuts and foreclosures topping the news, women are learning that they have a secret weapon against the vagaries of this difficult economy: their feminine side. Amelia is a manager at a company that sells images. She recently got a promotion without applying for the new position. “They said I was picked because I know how to connect with people, even while I’m producing results.” Amelia is one of our many clients – male, as well as female – who are finding that their capacity to bring enjoyment, caring, and ease into the workplace are valued even more now that tensions are running high and resources are scarce. Feminine + Masculine = Turbo Charged Success At first, women can be afraid to bring more of their feminine power to work. Women think of their masculine power – driving, pragmatism, focus, providing, and so on – as the secret of their success. And those elements of power are key to producing results. But when they learn to use both the masculine qualities and their feminine counterparts (receiving, sensuality, holism, and nurturing) women find their success is turbo-charged! A dynamic synergy emerges when both the masculine and feminine powers are integrated. Melinda, a marketing manager for a wireless company, says “I’m blown away by how much easier it is to drive for results now that I also use my feminine power. I’ve got more

energy, things are more fun, and results happen much more easily.” Feminine + Masculine in Action Some of the ways that Melinda and our other clients have learned to bring both Masculine and Feminine power to work include:

the space to vent and then they see the way forward. Seek Ease: Our work cultures have all of us driving for results and working in a self-reliant way (masculine qualities). While this is an important aspect of success; when it’s the only approach, we end up missing out on

“ When you start feeling yourself “pushing and shoving” to solve the problem, that’s a sign to pause and ask, “How could this be easier?” and “Who can help with this?” That’s feminine awareness in action.” Conduct Effective Meetings: When you lead a meeting, run it on time and using a good agenda (masculine qualities). Add the feminine by making sure there’s something visually appealing in the room. Also allow for personal connection and appropriate humor in the meeting. The combination of the masculine and feminine will bring more energy and ease, especially for difficult or complex meeting topics. Listen First: When employees come to you with problems there is a tendency to offer solutions (masculine quality). But quite often the best approach is to use the feminine qualities of listening, empathizing, and letting the person find their own solution. Often, all that’s needed is

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other ways to creatively solve the problem. And even more importantly we find ourselves depleted. When you start feeling yourself “pushing and shoving” to solve the problem, that’s a sign to pause and ask, “How could this be easier?” and “Who can help with this?” That’s feminine awareness in action. As you start to apply both your feminine and masculine qualities, you’ll find that you produce even better results and feel energized. Your ability to drive for results will be strengthened as you activate your power to receive, to connect, to use holism and sensuality, and nurture yourself and others. Your enjoyment of your job and your life will expand and your job security along with them!

Love & Relationships

Beyond “Just Do It”… What Women’s Sexuality Really Means! by Katherine Forsythe

t was a dark and stormy night. The fire was blazing in the fireplace. Only the flickering flames lit the room. We lay together on the deep fur of the bear rug, near enough to feel the calming warmth of the fire radiating through our bodies. He held me close. I could feel the gentle in and out of his breath, coming faster. I rolled onto my back, waiting … If Hollywood had Its Way Ok, stop the cameras! That was cliché heaven. Scenarios like this are the stuff that romance novels are made of. It’s not a bad thing; it’s just not real life. We sell ourselves short when we see the physical act of sex as the primary expression of who we are as sexual beings. If Hollywood had its way, being sexy as a woman would be all about, well, sex. Not so. Physical intimacy is only one portion of our sexuality. There’s a Lot More to Sexuality than “Just Do It!”

term over all the ways we see ourselves and express ourselves as women. Every woman is unique in her articulation of her womanhood. It’s important to recognize the ingredients, the wedges of the wheel, so that we can honor and celebrate all of it. 6 Elements of Sexuality #1 is Life Wisdom: All that life has taught us about how we should act as women. Both positive and negative forces come into play. #2 is Intimacy: Our connectedness to other human beings is critical. It’s our need to be close. This may or may not include physical sex. Deep friendships can provide intimacy. #3 is Sensuality: All 5 of our senses help us celebrate who we are as women. Touch is only one of them. Sensory deprivation is a major cause of depression. #4 is Physical Sexuality: Revisit the opening paragraph for this one.

This month, we start a series about the elements of our sexuality as women. There are 6 major ingredients. They’re all part of my Wheel of Sexuality.

#5 is Reproductive Health: Our reproductive organs require much of our attention. Our experience of the medical system influences how we define ourselves as women.

The term sexuality is an umbrella

#6 is Sexual Identity: We see

ourselves as heterosexual, homosexual, bi-sexual, trans-sexual. The expression of our orientation speaks mountains about how we present ourselves as women.

“Every woman is unique in her articulation of her womanhood.” Each month, we will explore a different wedge of the wheel. In the meantime, enjoy the bear rug fantasy, but own the rest of your sexuality as well. It’s a gift for us to enjoy!

SF Bay Area Women’s Journal www.bayareawj.com

Business & Career

Effective Leadership begins with Knowing Yourself! by Dr. Barbara Mark

hen she was five my niece, Riley, launched a question to the front seat of the car. “What is a self? What does it mean when I say, myself?” “That one is for you, Auntie Babs,” remarked my sister, looking relieved to have me along for this particular ride. This question started a conversation between my niece and me that continued over dinner that night and included her nine-year-old brother. To Do Anything Well … You Must Know Yourself We talked a lot about knowing oneself, about likes and dislikes, about preferences and values. It is the kind of conversation that continues with my clients as we explore their experience of leadership. Riley observed, accurately, that in order to do anything well you must really know yourself. You must know what you like to do and how far you

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want to take it. You must know what makes you happy and what does not. You must know what makes you feel strong and what depletes your energy.

“It is through this ongoing process of self-revelation that you are able to be an effective leader.”

At this point, Riley was exploring her commitment to soccer and was noticing what makes her a better player. Her brother, Patrick, chimed in with insights about why he likes to write and how he wishes to enlighten and entertain people with his writing. Both Riley and Patrick are bright, bold and curious people and great models for anyone in a position of leadership. They are learning about themselves, as you must – by self-exploration. Self-Exploration Leads to Effective Leadership No one can teach you about you and how to be yourself. However, through conversation and a willingness to reveal yourself to yourself and to others, you get to know who you are and what’s important to you. Knowing yourself will clarify what direction you want to take and how you to get there. It is through this ongoing process of self-revelation that you are able to be an effective leader. Without this, you are rudderless as will be your organization.

on others and on the world? • What energizes me?

Begin the Process with these Questions

• What depletes my energy?

Ask yourself now:

• What triggers me?

• Who am I? • How do I know that?

• What brings me joy? • What increases my ability to think creatively?

• What shuts me down? Riley and Patrick are nine and thirteen now. Riley plays soccer with passion. Patrick has written his second book and has sent it to a publisher. They continue to inspire me. Who will you inspire today?

• How do I feel? • How do I reveal myself to myself moment by moment? • How do I see myself in my actions and my interactions with others?

• Where do I want to go? • What impact do I want to have

SF Bay Area Women’s Journal www.bayareawj.com

Business & Career

Sales 101:

hard work was at the heart of the matter and it appeared not much was selling for anyone.

by Elinor Stutz

Her artist friends came over and asked me to repeat what I said because they thought they didn’t hear me correctly. I repeated, “Sell a lot!” The artists looked astonished. I then explained one of my professional endeavors is being a sales trainer.

To Stay in Business You have to Ask for the Sale!

requently, entrepreneurs whisper to me that while they enjoy helping their clientele, they simply freeze up when the time comes to ask for the sale aka “the money”. This also includes asking for the business, simply stating their fees, or even asking for monies owed on services already delivered. Unfortunately, it is very difficult to remain in business when these tasks present such a huge challenge. Help Yourself by Making it Easy to Buy! I recently attended an art show in which my neighbor participated. Art of all types was on display and most was exquisite. But there was something missing. I asked if there was a brochure containing the images of the art, item numbers and price. The answer was ‘no’ - an interested party must go through a more complex procedure to get that information. On the positive side, the artists were friendly to everyone walking through the door, politely answered questions and worked to build relationships with all who attended. But marketing and communicating the price of their work, well, that was non-existent. “Sell a Lot” Hits a Nerve! As I exited the exhibit, I said to my neighbor, “Sell a lot!” She laughed because earning money from her

Without doubt, I hit a nerve even with my good cheer. They were clearly uncomfortable with my exclamation to “Sell a lot!” It was written all over their faces that they are afraid to ask for the sale aka “the money”.

directly answer their questions 3. Never assume - always ask 4. First propose what they said they need 5. Next, add what you think they need 6. Let your clientele make the choice that’s best for them When you become comfortable leading the conversation and helping your clients to see the solution, you have marketed yourself as the expert in their eyes. They also see you as providing outstanding customer service.

“When you become comfortable leading the conversation and helping your clients to see the solution, you have marketed yourself as the expert in their eyes.” Unfortunately, most entrepreneurs believe that if you deliver a beautiful painting or outstanding service people will take notice. While this may be true, you will have a very difficult time paying bills until enough prospects do take notice and become your paying clients.

This is the point where business development becomes automatic. Not only do more people begin purchasing your products and services, they then refer you to their associates. Your clientele becomes your sales force plus you will establish a returning and referring clientele. This is the mark of a truly dynamic business.

You Must Ask for the Sale To remain in business, you must ask - BUT - only after you are certain that your artwork (product, service etc.) is everything the prospect soon-tobe-client desires. When you achieve this, you are exchanging value …your product or service in exchange for their money. My secret for successful sales is to make it so easy for the other person to say ‘Yes’, they would be embarrassed not to purchase. Some of My Favorite Tips to Make a Smooth Sale 1. Tap into the mindset of your clientele 2. Succinctly

communicate

and

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Further business becomes a very Smooth Sale!

Money & Wealth

Creative Ways

to Decrease Your House Payment by Allison Gervais Sofnas

have spoken with countless people who are having a difficult time making their mortgage payments. Most often it is due to a job layoff or divorce. There is Just Less Money to Pay the Bills Many self-employed homeowners are making less money the past few years due to the economy. Money is a big factor with relationship issues and many couples are separating or divorcing. This causes an increase in living expenses due to securing a second home or rental for the spouse moving out.

“This creative investment situation happens most often with relatives as the investor.” The bills become less affordable with the biggest one being the mortgage. If a refinance can be secured, there are several options for lowering payments with either an adjustable or fixed rate mortgage, especially since rates are still at all time lows. It’s Time to Get Creative So what do homeowners do when they cannot afford the mortgage payments any longer, can’t qualify to refinance and don’t want to sell their house? It’s time to get creative and find an investor for your house.

to refinance. If she could lower the amount owed to $417,000 or less, she would qualify. She is cash poor and doesn’t have the extra $83,000 to lower the loan amount down to $417,000. (the conforming loan maximum where she could secure a lower interest rate) Why not Find an Investor to Help? An investor could put in $100,000 in cash, thus allowing her to refinance the mortgage into a conforming loan with lower payments. She agrees to split the equity with the investor when the market rebounds and she sells or refinances her mortgage down the road. It’s a win-win situation for both of them. This creative investment situation happens most often with relatives as the investor. Many parents plan to pass on their wealth but are not in a position where they can simply gift the money now. Let’s say the existing mortgage on the example noted above of $500,000 is at a rate of 5.5% with a payment of $2839 per month. If you decrease the balance to $400,000 and lower

the rate to 4.875% 30 year fixed, your new mortgage payment would be $722 less per month. If you opted for an adjustable fixed for seven years, you could save even more. This could be the difference between being able to hold onto a property you otherwise were struggling to afford. What’s in It for the Investor? What’s in it for Mom and Dad? (Or whoever else invests in your property) If the property increases back up in value to $900,000 at a 5% annual increase, by the year 2017, their initial investment has doubled, thus earning a return of approximately 10% per year. This is much better than leaving it their bank account or a low interest CD and they got to help out at the same time. When they are bought out, there will be capital gains taxes but do the math, it still works out in their favor and you benefited from being able to keep the property at a much lower payment for those 7 years. What if the market doesn’t come back around and stays flat? Your investor still gets their money back and to sweeten the deal you could always add in a minimum gain to their commitment, thus decreasing your equity if the market remained flat or declined. To see if a situation like this can work for you, contact your mortgage broker and a licensed EA or CPA (to discuss the tax consequences) as a first step.

I spoke with a client recently who owns a condo worth $700,000, owes $500,000 and cannot qualify

SF Bay Area Women’s Journal www.bayareawj.com

Paul Ash, Dir. San Francisco Food Bank

SF Bay Area Feature

Ending Hunger in San Francisco: A Conversation with Paul Ash, Executive Director by Deborah Burstyn

aul Ash, Executive Director of the San Francisco Food Bank, describes the Potrero Hill facility as looking like Costco. Except for the solar panels. And the fact that the food here isn’t for sale. It’s free. The food is delivered to over 200 food pantry sites around San Francisco to serve those living at or near the poverty line. Ash, 55, helped develop an innovative program, Farm to Family, which partners with over 100 different growers and packers to funnel fresh and nutritious produce to those that rely on the Food Bank. This year over 20 million pounds and 60% of the food that was distributed was fresh produce. The San Francisco Food Bank distributes more pounds per person in poverty than all other food banks in the nation. Ash spoke with the San Francisco Bay Area Women’s Journal about his life and the job he’s held for 20 years feeding the city’s hungriest residents. On Life Exposure Back in Oklahoma, both sets of my grandparents had farms. They were mostly subsistence farms with a couple of cash crops, alfalfa and cotton.

SF Bay Area Women’s Journal www.bayareawj.com

“The San Francisco Food Bank distributes more pounds per person in poverty than all other food banks in the nation.” They worked hard. Yet through no fault of their own – weather, insects – if the crops failed, things could get bad. My grandparents got old before their time. When I see people in line at our food pantries, I see my grandparents’ faces in their faces. On a Typical Day Breakfast might be followed by a visit to St. Anthony’s dining room where I interact with the clients that depend on the food provided by the Food Bank and then lunch with a CEO of a major corporation who is interested in donating. I get to see first-hand what a range of success and tragedy we have in this country. There are many people who are so bright and working so hard. Yet because of bad luck, a few bad choices or mental illness, supporting themselves is oftentimes difficult. I try to get out to visit one of our pantries several times a week. On Hunger We live in the richest agricultural state in one of the richest countries in the world. We grow enough food in this country to feed everyone. And still have plenty left to export and make profits.

Yet only 50% of people who are eligible for food stamps receive them. We make it difficult for them. We have this fear of giving people something they are not entitled to. We prevent those who are entitled from accessing food stamps. On Volunteering Sundays are reserved as family days at the San Francisco Food Bank. We don’t operate the power equipment like the fork lift on Sundays which makes it a safer day for kids to be here. We have families that come once a month to volunteer together. They make it a cornerstone for teaching values to their kids. The Food Bank is a fun and safe environment for children to learn about the importance of supporting others in need in their community. Volunteering at the Food Bank is different than serving food in a soup kitchen. Both tasks are challenging. Many of our projects are hands on work. For example, we buy beans in 2,000 pound bags and our volunteers repackage them into one pound bags. We’re open seven days a week and some evenings for people to volunteer.

On Crisis We opened several new food distribution sites last summer to support the increase of people turning to the food bank. We’re seeing a lot of new folks coming to the pantries. We encourage people to come sooner rather than later. It is especially important for those in need with children. If a child misses meals it can impact their health and their learning ability. We’ve seen a 20 percent increase in those requesting food from this time last year. On Budget Our budget is 80 percent donations, which requires a lot of fundraising. On Decompressing I like to get outdoors and be in nature. I enjoy bike riding. I like to ski with my children. And I like camping. Last summer we did a fantastic camping trip to the Grand Canyon. On Reading My favorite book is Men to Match My Mountains by Irving Stone. It is about the opening of the American West. Right now I am reading Down the Great Unknown about the discovery of the Grand Canyon. Thanks Paul for taking the time to talk with the SF BAWJ and for your leadership in helping to end hunger in the San Francisco Bay Area!

Deborah Burstyn is a feature writer for the SF BAWJ.

SF Bay Area Women’s Journal www.bayareawj.com

section & header “Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother.” Oprah Winfrey

“There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it.” chinese Proverb

“Mother: the most beautiful word on the lips of mankind.” Kahlil Gibran

“ Youth fades, love droops, the leaves of friendship fall, mother’s secret hope outlives them all.” Oliver Wendell Holmes

“A mother’s love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path.” Agatha Christie

Happy Mothers Day 26

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Parenting & Teens

Keep Your Kids Safe Online: Empower Them to Make Good Choices! By Carrie Silver-Stock

echnology has changed the way we interact, especially our teens. Many parents are trying to catch up with their kids in understanding how they are playing and using computers, cell phones, and other technology. It’s natural for teens to think they know all of the dangers or worse, they are immune or invincible to problems online. 7 Tips to Keep Your Kids Safe Online This makes talking to them even more important! The key action you can take to keep your kids safe online … is to “empower” them to make good choices. Following are tips on how to do just that! 1 Create Positive Ongoing Discussions Start conversations about online safety as soon as your kids are interacting online. Keep them conversational so your kids feel empowered to share input and ideas, while listening to new things you might share. 2 Discuss the Dangers Don’t be afraid to discuss the dangers with your kids. Approach this conversation in an empowering way.

Ask for their input first about stories or problems they’ve seen or heard about from their friends. This will keep them involved and engaged. As you discuss the dangers, you may be surprised to learn how much your child already knows. 3 Kids Forget What They Post is Permanent Teens can be impulsive. It’s easy for them to get caught up in the moment and forget pictures and words they post online are permanent. Remind them that even if they delete a picture, they have no idea where in the digital world that picture is stored, or who has already forwarded that image. Encourage your kids to consider that anyone can see the picture or read their words including their peers, teachers, employers, or future college. 4 Remind Them Online Identities are Misleading When young people are online it’s easy for them to forget that they never really know who they’re talking with. Your daughter might think she’s talking to her best friend, but doesn’t realize three more people walked into the room. Teens have also been lured by strangers pretending to be a helpful friend when the real intent is to harm them. Ask your son or daughter what examples they’ve seen … this will help start a good and empowering conversation. 5 Don’t Share Passwords It’s easy for teens to trust their best friend with their password, but what

if they stop being best friends? Or, what if the best friend shares that password with the wrong person? Talking about different situations that could arise from sharing passwords can be a useful reminder. 6 Online Friends Shouldn’t Meet in Person This is probably an obvious tip to most parents, but very important to stress with your kids. It’s easy for teens to think the person they meet online is safe to meet in person. Especially in situations where predators are involved. They know how to treat kids to build trust. Again remind your kids that you never really know who you’re talking to online. Their new best friend could be a 45 year old man, or someone else concealing their real identity. Stressing the importance of not meeting up with their online friends is critical to your kid’s safety. 7 Set Specific Online Expectations for Your Kids Finally, to keep your kids safe online, it’s important to set specific online expectations. Have a clear sense of what’s important to you and what rules you want to establish. Decide how much time you want them spending online, what social network sites you approve, how they can use their cell phone and what the consequences are if they don’t follow your expectations. Most important for you as a parent is to begin using these tips and start an ongoing empowering dialogue to keep your kids safe online.

SF Bay Area Women’s Journal www.bayareawj.com

Home & Garden by Debra Disman

ecorative painters are inspired by the causes they love, the need to give back, the creativity that is released through the act of giving, and the desire to connect to the larger community through their work.

Contributing to Our Communities:

Decorative Painters Work Their Magic

An example of Decorative Painting in Action to support the San Francisco community is a mural that I did for the wonderful organization Planning for Elders in the Central City. The Donor Tree was painted on canvass with donor names later added to the bricks and leaves. Many Ways to Contribute

“The Donor Arch” Maitri Compassionate Care, (Hospice) San Francisco, CA

In last month’s article, I asked three of my favorite artists/artisans from around the country to help me paint a portrait of the contemporary decorative painter working in the U.S. today. Their responses also revealed the many ways they contribute to their communities through their work.

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I believe their insights also ring true for all Entrepreneurs and Small Business Owners. Following are some of the ways they use their unique skills and talents to employ the magic of Decorative Painting in support of their communities. I hope these insights inspire you! Supporting Causes Close to Our Hearts Julie Dexter, Gold Leaf Walls, Colorado Springs, CO

“One of the big events here in Colorado Springs is “The Heart Ball” which supports the heart association. For three years I donated towards their silent auction. The “package” included Color Consultation and $1000 towards labor. This year I plan on doing the same for “The Fur Ball”, which benefits the local Humane

section & header “By contributing our art and craft to the community, we not only connect to the world outside our studios, we become a part of it, and thus part of something greater then ourselves.” “The Donor Tree”, mural on canvass created for “Planning for Elders in the Central City”, San Francisco, CA Society … a personal favorite.” The Need to Give Back Lyna Farkas, The Spirit of Décor, Ashville, NC

“In 2005 over 100 faux finishers worked together to “faux” a house. The experience was made into a book. The proceeds went to fund a Habitat house in New Orleans for a Katrina victim. In 2009, a dozen faux finishers met in New Orleans to paint together, bringing beauty to that house, and getting to know the owners who would live in it. As Chair of this phase of the project, I recruited local volunteers and interfaced with New Orleans Habitat coordinators. We also supported the NOLA SPCA where we did mural and painted doghouses for their auction. I even found some local young architects to build the doghouses and lined up publicity through the New Orleans press. Why did I do this? I need to give back in a significant and creative way in order to stay balanced. The artists who worked together on the Habitat project formed a deep bond. Our intention is to find projects each year to work on together and continue to give back with our art.”

Giving Releases Creativity Joy Conway, Funwalls, Albuquerque, NM

“In January, I completed two murals for the RoadRunner Food Bank here in Albuquerque. This was originally going to be a small project, but after I saw what the food bank was accomplishing, I donated a lot of extra time and creativity. Thoughts on Giving from Debra Disman Successful artists and entrepreneurs also need to be business people, but the dollar return on every project is not always the bottom line. For many, their deepest fulfillment is to immerse themselves fully in their creative work, and experience the gratification

of connecting with others through that work. By contributing our art and craft to the community, we not only connect to the world outside our studios, we become a part of it, and thus part of something greater then ourselves. Another example of how the magic of decorative painting can give back to the community is the Donor Arch. It was created for Maitri Compassionate Care, a hospice in San Francisco, CA. The names of donors who contributed to their building capital campaign were honored by adding their name to The Arch! Here’s to celebrating the power of connection, and the contribution of all of our special gifts to the enhancement of our world!

SF Bay Area Women’s Journal www.bayareawj.com

Health & Wellness

Improve Your Sex Life with Hypnotherapy by Jane Ransom

t no longer surprises me when a regular hypnotherapy client suddenly confides that she suffers from sexual issues. Typically this comes up after we have worked together for some time and solved other problems using hypnosis. You’re Not Alone This year my client Jade broached the issue, and the first thing I did was tell her she’s not alone. About 40% of women experience sexual dysfunction at some point in their lives, ranging from a simple difficulty of moistening, to an inability to climax. And generally, it’s all quite solvable with hypnosis, as our most powerful sexual organ is the brain!

“It’s always important to protect clients’ boundaries, and especially so when dealing with a subject as private as sexuality.” Most sexual problems stem from inhibitions originally implanted by the client’s cultural or religious upbringing, or by negative personal experience. The client and I discuss her issue while she is in the cognitive state (i.e., before undergoing hypnosis), and I encourage her to tell me only information which she feels comfortable sharing. It’s always important to protect clients’ boundaries, and especially so when dealing with a subject as private as sexuality.

Respecting Client Boundaries The core of the treatment then consists of suggestions given during the hypnotic state. While my suggestions remain appropriate and respectful (never graphic), clients do vary as to what exactly will work for them. Therefore, our path to discovery usually involves some trial and error. This was the case with Jade. In her forties, she has always been orgasmic when receiving oral sex, but during her first marriage ten years ago had lost the ability to climax during intercourse. She’d had a favorite strategy of being on top, until her then-husband complained he was bored with the position. He added: “Come on, you don’t really have orgasms anyway.” Tragically, her subconscious mind accepted his cruel false words as truth, and she stopped being able to climax during coitus, even long after the marriage had ended, and she had met much nicer men. Using Recall We began Jade’s treatment by putting her under hypnosis and having her recall, silently and within the privacy of her own mind, her successful sexual experiences more than a decade earlier. I asked her to

remember both physical sensations and emotions, indeed her complete physiological state. I suggested that her subconscious mind now re-memorize the experience in order to recreate the orgasmic state during actual sex with her current boyfriend. Over the next week, she reported “getting much closer,” but her impatience was growing until the third session, when she declared: “Every time Alan and I are making love, I’m almost there, right on the edge, but then I start thinking about what we’re doing—and it’s gone!” That was exactly the clue we needed. Just as so often occurs in sports, her conscious mind—her thinking—was getting in the way. Get in the Zone The trick was to let her subconscious mind take over, exactly as it does for athletes when they’re “in the zone.” I knew Jade was a good skier, so after putting her into hypnosis, I suggested that she would remember to do during sex what she does while skiing—that is, to relinquish conscious control and trust her subconscious mind to guide the process to lead her to success. Next time I saw her, Jade was glowing with that success!

Jane Ransom, MA, Certified Hypnotherapist, conducts hypnotherapy sessions in her downtown San Francisco office, as well as by phone and online web-cam. Learn more at HypnotherpyThatWorks.com

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Health & Wellness Eat Fiber

Spring Detoxification: Cleansing In Your Everyday Life By Kristin Hoppe

pring is a time of renewal, regrowth, regeneration … and a perfect time to cleanse your body and move out stagnant energy, gently clearing out toxins from the winter. Detoxification, the cleansing of the inner self, has been around for centuries. But what does detoxification really mean for us today? What is Your Toxic Load? We live in a world where we are constantly bombarded with toxins: the food we eat, the air we breathe, the products we use in our homes. Even thoughts can produce negative effects in the body. And let’s not forget stress! Stress can wreak havoc on your body, depleting vital nutrients that regulate your weight, your mood, and your health. All these toxins sum up to what is called your “toxic load”. When detoxifying, it is important to identify all the areas in your life that contribute to your toxic load and then look to reduce those toxic inputs as much as possible. All while supporting your body’s own natural ability to detoxify. Our organs are detoxifying all the time - the liver, for example, being the primary cleansing organ. Often times the liver can become overworked, which could result in: fatigue, poor

skin, constipation and other digestive issues, inconsistent mood, brain fog, insomnia, joint pain, and weight loss resistance. Support Your Body’s Natural Detoxification Process The good news is there are simple things you can do in your everyday life to support your body’s natural detoxification process. Eat Clean Whole Foods By eating whole foods, which are not processed or packaged, you avoid ingesting food additives, chemicals, fillers, and foods devoid of nutrients. Fresh vegetables and fruits are loaded with enzymes and packed with phytonutrients (aka: antioxidants). These help our bodies combat any damage caused by stress, environmental toxins, and less than healthy eating habits. If you don’t know the farming practices from where your produce was grown, be sure to visit the Environmental Working Group’s website at www.foodnews.org. The non-profit organization publishes a shopper’s guide to pesticides so you will know what produce you should buy organically and which conventionally-grown fruits and vegetables are acceptable when organic is not available.

Fiber is essential for detoxification. Soluble fiber from fruits, vegetables and whole grains binds to toxins and provides the bulk that allows digested food and toxins to move out easily. Aim for 50 grams per day. Drink Water Dehydration causes the accumulation of waste in the body. Water will help flush toxins and ease elimination. And add lemon to your water. The lemon alkalizes your body and stimulates liver cleansing activities and digestion. Aim for 2 liters per day. A Note on Structured Detoxification Programs There are many cleanses and detoxification programs out there, all of varying qualities and intensities. Many are helpful and some are potentially harmful. A professionally designed and facilitated detoxification program can enhance and accelerate the cleansing process giving amazing results. Before stepping into a program, get clear on your desired outcomes and seek the help of a health care professional to help navigate you through the process.

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section & header

How to Indulge Your San Francisco Foodie Passion …

on a Budget!

by Cathy Curtis

he third truth in my 10 Simple Truths About Money is …Live Within Your Means: Don’t Spend More Than You Earn (or Contrary to Popular Opinion, You Weren’t Born to Shop!). If you are a foodie living in the Bay Area – this is DEFINITELY easier said than done. But don’t fear help is on the way. With a budget and some savvy practices, you can eat well and avoid overspending.

Budgeting Tips for Bay Area Foodies One of the greatest joys of living in the Bay Area is the multitude of options for eating really well. The food culture is so strong that eating out has become THE entertainment of choice. Whether it be the hottest new restaurant in the Mission or Oakland, or

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the food truck that parks down the street from your office, it’s not hard to indulge your foodie passion – or to bust your budget eating out. But, suggesting you deprive yourself of the food scene that rivals that of New York or Paris, is not the intention of this post. Instead, try out these strategies and tips for indulging your gastronomic and enophilic

Money & Wealth this money anyway you want to. 2. Create a budget for eating out from you discretionary $$. Make your choices based on what gives you the most pleasure. This is where the hard decisions come in. Would you rather eat out three times a week or buy season tickets to the symphony or go on a B&B weekend once a month? Is a new outfit more important to you than dinner at Chez Panisse? Would you rather buy books or breakfast? 3. Track your budget. Each time you go out to eat, track the expense in a notebook, on-line, on a chalkboard in the kitchen, whatever method works for you. Stop spending on eating out when you hit your limit. 4. Withdraw your eating out budget in cash at the beginning of each month. When the cash is gone, no more eating out until the next month. Tips for Stretching your Eating Out Dollars Key point: Save your eating out dollars for the really good stuff, don’t fritter it away on the mundane. 1. Use groceries for as many meals as possible: Bring your homemade lunch to work, Fill a thermos with your favorite home-brewed coffee, Carry baggies of snack foods: nuts, dried fruit, tangerines, crackers, energy bars in your purse and when you cook at home prepare for more than one meal so there is always something good to eat. passions and still have money left to pay the rent! Strategy: Create a budget 1. Add up all of your monthly non-discretionary and necessary expenses (including taxes and savings). Subtract this amount from your monthly income. What is left is discretionary income. You can spend

2. Too busy to stock up the fridge? Buy prepared foods at Trader Joes or Whole Foods for lunch.

5. If you order a meal that is less expensive than your dining companion(s), suggest that you split the bill according to what everyone ordered. 6. Share a bottle of wine instead of buying by the glass. 7. Drink beer instead of wine. Or skip wine altogether. (Not easy, I know). 8. Order appetizers instead of main courses. 9. Sit at the bar and eat. You will feel less pressure to order a full meal. 10. Order pizza. You can’t go wrong in many places and it’s usually the least expensive and most filling dish on the menu. If you don’t spend your full budget in a month, treat yourself the next month and splurge on a favorite restaurant! I am sure that you have developed some savings strategies and tips on your own, share with your fellow foodies by replying to this post. Bon Appetit!

3. If friends invite you to a restaurant that’s too rich, suggest going out for drinks or offer to join them for dessert instead. 4. If you belong to groups that usually meet at restaurants, suggest rotating potluck gatherings at your homes instead.

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Inspiration & Motivation you can control your attitude towards it. And that attitude will greatly determine how you feel about a situation and cumulatively … your life! Knowing that, aren’t you excited that you can immediately increase the quality and joy of your life just by changing what you think? Easier said than done! Never the less, well worth the effort. Have you ever spent time with a person who is just filled with joy, light and love? One who doesn’t get rattled by the minor incidents that sometimes cause other people to completely lose it?

Put on your sunglasses …

it’s time to take a walk on the bright side! by Lisa Lewis

These people have found a way to understand that feeling good is all that matters and when you think thoughts that make you feel good … you feel good. You feel as if you are taking a walk down a wooded path in the middle of spring and the flowers are all blooming and the air smells so sweet … and you have nowhere else to be but right here right now! You feel like everything is well.

into whether you are more of a pessimist or an optimist.

Start Today and Improve Your Life

This seemingly simple statement is actually an exciting way each of us can make small changes every day that cumulatively, will absolutely change your life for the better!

Take a step back and notice, just notice, what your thoughts are when you start to feel uneasy in any way. “Don’t wish it were easier, wish you were better.” Jim Rohn

That’s a nice feeling and one that you can achieve also, starting today! All you need to do is look inward and see if your thoughts make you feel good about what’s happening or not. And if not, then choose to improve your situation by shifting your thoughts and attitude so that you can see the situation in a different light … one that makes you feel good.

hat you think, feel and how you react to all of your life events determine your enjoyment or lack of it in your life.

What Happens When You Run Into a Detour? How do you react when you run into snags, detours or “situations”, (which usually means the outcome, no matter how temporary, is not to your liking)? What are the first things that cross your mind when things don’t go exactly as planned?

Your Attitude Determines Your Life You cannot control the situation or the happenstance of everything, but

This momentary view into your own pattern of thinking can be one of the most revealing insights into how well you deal with life. It also gives insight

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Home & Garden

Flower and Art: Color, Line, Balance and Texture

strikingly, the painters of 17th Century Holland portray flowers in “still life” works of incredible richness and detail – many featuring that exotic and highly-prized new flower, the tulip!

From the deYoung Museum Bouquets to Art.

Arrangements as Art

by Laurel Winzler

’ve heard many times that arranging flowers is an “art”. A beautiful arrangement can set off the intrinsic beauty of each blossom, and make the viewer see that flower in a new and unique way. Not unlike a painting, every floral arrangement incorporates the elements of color, line, balance and texture, and each shows the aesthetic perspective of the designer. There is No “Right” Way to Design an Arrangement Everyone has a unique idea of how to work with flowers, and there is no right vs. wrong way to put an arrangement together. Some designers work with vividly contrasting colors, while others prefer to blend and balance tones. Strong linear elements and structure can predominate, where another designer will create pieces that are more rounded and naturalistic.

Full, soft blooms are the preference of some designers, while others like to add boldly contrasting textures. In each case, the designer’s “eye” will influence the final arrangement and make a personal artistic statement. In fact, two designers can begin with the same flowers and end up creating two totally different arrangements, each beautiful in its own unique way. (see page 5 for a bridal bouquet) Flowers in Art Not surprisingly, artists throughout history have portrayed floral arrangements or incorporated them into their works. As background elements, they add detail and richness to Renaissance portraits and Flemish tapestries.

A unique opportunity to truly see “flowers as art” takes place each spring at the de Young Museum in San Francisco’s Golden Gate Park. Called Bouquets to Art, for the past 26 years this exhibit has invited the most talented floral designers in Northern California into the museum, asking each of them to select a piece of art and to then create floral arrangement based on that artwork. Over the course of a week, visitors to the de Young have a chance to see the floral creations displayed beside the art which inspired them. Each designer prepares a list of the materials used and an explanation of the way the arrangement interprets the artwork. Lectures and demonstrations throughout the week allow renowned designers to share their expertise and inspiration. This exhibit takes flower arranging to a new and inspired level and is a feast for the soul as well as the eye! Bouquets to Art runs from April 20 24, 2010. See BouquetstoArt.org for more information. I’m a participant and will be in Gallery 24, Site B, interpreting “The Gold Scab” by Whistler! Please stop by!

Their forms are adapted into elaborate designs in illuminated Medieval manuscripts and Celtic jewelry. Most

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section & header

“Even when couples are relatively confident in the terms of the agreement, ensuring that both parties are “on the same page” takes time.”

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Love & Relationships

CA Prenuptial Agreements:

What You Must Know! By Terrance Heath

uite often I receive phone calls from an excited bride or groom inquiring about a “prenup.” He or she explains that friends have told one or the other they “need” a prenup. He or she then asks if I would be available to do a prenup for them. When is the Wedding? The questions I ask next often take the person aback. “When is the wedding?” followed by “Does your fiancé [or fiancée, as the case may be] have a lawyer yet?” “Well, the wedding is two weeks from Saturday,” is often the answer to the first question; and “We have already come to an agreement on terms. We thought we would just hire you to write it up,” is the most common answer to the second question. At times like this, the last thing a bride or groom “to be” wants to hear is legalese. But as a responsible lawyer it is my job to advise the law. Marriage and Registered Domestic Partnerships are Special Acts under CA Law It’s important for all couples to know that marriage and registered domestic partnership are special acts under California law. These “special acts” have significant affect on the parties’ property rights, rights of support, and parental rights. California law gives couples great discretion over their private agreements, but the courts are limited in their ability to enforce these agreements.

are regulated in California under California Family Code sections 1600 to 1617. These provisions equally apply to those entering into registered domestic partnerships. What Makes a Prenup Enforceable? Only agreements that meet specific requirements will be enforced. Following is a high level list of some of the aspects that make a California prenup enforceable: 1. The prenup must be in writing and signed by both parties. 2. Representation by an independent attorney is important to enforcement. I insist that both parties must have independent legal counsel.

Bottom Line … It Takes Time to Reach Agreement Even when couples are relatively confident in the terms of the agreement, ensuring that both parties are “on the same page” takes time. In reviewing a proposed agreement and disclosures, the attorney is responsible for explaining the client’s rights and responsibilities affected by the agreement, and for making recommendations necessary to protect his client’s interests. Resulting negotiations might be extensive, and appropriately last more than seven days. Insure that Your HeartBeat doesn’t Turn into HeartAche!

3. A 7 day window is required between the time a proposed prenup is presented to the “intended” and advised to seek representation and the time the prenup was signed.

Getting married is a time of great excitement and high emotion. The back and forth of the negotiation process of a prenup can often be a stressful and time-consuming process.

4. Full asset and debt disclosure must be made between the parties.

Give yourself plenty of time to hammer out the details and nuances of a prenup that works for both parties. Consulting with an attorney well in advance of your wedding date may go a long way to both lowering the anxiety and insuring that your prenup is enforceable!

5. The prenup must not be in violation of public policy or a statute imposing a criminal penalty.

Premarital agreements, often referred to as prenuptial agreements or simply as “prenups,”

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Love, Marriage… then What! 38

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Love & Relationships By Kristin Southwick

t’s a rhyme as old as time “First comes love, then comes marriage and then comes the baby carriage”. But is this really what you and your partner are expecting from your impending marriage? As wedding season is quickly approaching, women and their partners spend a lot of time planning for their special events, and often leave less time and energy to discuss what happens after the ceremony and honeymoon are over. The All Important conversations before saying I Do! I find that many couples avoid or do not realize the all important conversations to discuss before saying “I do.” Healthy relationships need to include passion and intimacy as well as the willingness to discuss the practical matters of daily living and building a future together. These conversations help to ensure that both partners feel aligned as they develop their future relationship. Set aside time, perhaps a half an hour at first, in a place where you and partner feel comfortable to talk without distractions. Do not rush through these topics and listen with an open heart and curiosity. Give each other time to think and respond without interruption. This is an opportunity to explore hopes, dreams, and expectations of yourself, your partner, and your future life together. Explore Your Hopes, Dreams and Future Life Together with These Questions Here is a brief summary of some important topics to think about. Often these questions lead to other discussions that are important and more specific to you and your partner.

Family: How many children do we want? How will we raise them? How do we imagine we will discipline our children? What would we do if we couldn’t conceive children? What are important values and morals we want to live by and raise our children with? Finances: Who will manage the short term and long term finances? Will we combine our bank accounts or manage our money separately? What are our financial priorities and goals? Home Life: Where do we want to live and raise a family? How will we share daily chores?

spirituality play in both our lives? How will this be implemented in our future and with our families and children? It is important to understand that some of these topics will be challenging to answer. It is difficult to know how we will react to something until we are faced with it. Build Your Relationship Communication Skills However, I encourage you to think about these questions and answer them as best you can. In doing so, you will build your relationship communication skills. You will be able to

Healthy relationships need to include passion and intimacy as well as the willingness to discuss the practical matters of daily living and building a future together. Careers: What are our career goals in one year, five years, and twenty years? What kind of support are we expecting from each other to meet these goals? (ie. being clear about expectations of work hours and schedules, possible travel) Intimacy: How do we prefer to show and receive love and affection? What does each of us need to feel wanted and appreciated? Spirituality: What role does

talk through and navigate important discussions which will help prepare you for when decisions ultimately need to be made. I recommend these topics be discussed throughout your relationship. As we all know, we are constantly growing and changing, which is healthy and wonderful. Discussing these topics help you and your partner to grow and evolve together; and “live happily ever after”.

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Inspiration & Motivation

Success Sparks Success Sparks from the May Edition to encourage your ongoing success!

1. Course 101: YOU! Dr. Barbara Mark says that how well you know yourself influences your ability to lead effectively. And without that knowledge YOU and your organization are rudderless. Set aside some time for self discovery and begin to answer the questions she poses. (Page 20)

2. Volunteer at the SF Food Bank It’s a proven fact … that when we help others, we feel better! And there is nothing more important to the health and well-being of men, women and children … than food. Add some fun by making it a family or group event! (Page 24)

3. Ask for the Sale We all know that it takes money to stay in business and to grow your business. Yet sometimes … asking for the sale can be difficult. Improve your skills, by mastering each of the 6 tips that Elinor Stutz shares for making smooth sales! (Page 22)

4. Keep It Simple Getting rid of toxins in your body doesn’t have to be a complicated process! Add simple every day actions to support your body’s natural detoxification process. It’s as easy as adding lemon to the water you drink ever day says Kristin Hoppe! (Page 31)

6. Love and the Law It’s that time of year when wedding bells ring every weekend as couples say “I do”. But did you know that marriage and registered domestic partnership are special acts under California law? If you’re on your way to the altar, learn why Terrance Heath advises you to be sure and allow plenty of time to create a pre-nuptial that works for both parties. (Page 37)

7. Get Energized! The idea of “feminine power” is an emerging concept for most of us, say authors Michele Lisenbury Christensen and Sara Harvey Yao. When you become aware of your feminine powers (nurturing, connection, receiving, multi-tasking) and combine them with the more commonly known masculine powers (driving, pragmatism, focus, self-reliance) you will achieve even better results and feel energized! (Page 18)

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5. Have a Taste for Eating Out Living in the SF Bay Area, it’s hard to not indulge your foodie passion. Lurking around every corner is temptation! But you don’t have to bust your budget. Save your eating out dollars for the really good stuff, don’t fritter it away on the mundane! To get started, choose one of the 10 tips that Cathy Curtis shares to stretch your eating out dollars. (Page 30)

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