San Francisco Bay Times - December 6, 2018

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LGBTQ News & Calendar for the Bay Area

CELEBRATING FOUR DECADES (1978–2018) December 6–19, 2018 |http://sfbaytimes.com

Orphan Andy’s Lights Up for the Holidays

PHOTO BY JP LOR PHOTOGRAPHY/SPECIAL TO THE SAN FRANCISCO BAY TIMES

See Pages 14–15

Electoral Bang for the Buck: How Much Does a Vote Cost? smaller electorate is that a candidate with a lot of spare time, a really good sneaker collection and the stamina of

a triathlete can contact every voter in the district (it has been done!).

Results of top 3 finishers in District 2 (Marina, Cow Hollow, Pacific Heights, Presidio)

Well-Behaved Women Seldom Make History Louise “Lou” Fischer If electoral politics had a theme song, it would be Abba’s 1976 hit “Money Money Money.” While our Bumblerin-Chief in the White House is wrong about the media being the “enemy of the people,” to borrow a little on the metaphor, I believe that “money is the enemy of fair elections.”

In a recent The New York Times/CBS News poll, most Americans, regardless of their political affiliation, agreed that “money has too much influence on politicians and that campaign finance changes are needed.” In the 2018 Federal midterm elections, candidates spent an estimated $5.2 billion, making it the costliest congressional election cycle in U.S. history.

We did pick up 40 House seats, but it would be nice if there were a discount rack or a 50%-off sale for some of those Congressional seats.

There is a wide discrepancy in the amount of money spent in Federal, State and Local elections; and the amount a candidate needs is drastically different, depending on the race.

Per-vote-spending, or calculating the cost of every vote (amount spent divided by number of votes received) accomplishes the following: 1) it provides a consistent quotient to compare races, 2) it measures the financial efficiency of a campaign, 3) it gives political geeks something to do to combat postelection withdrawal symptoms, and 4) it plays to the competitive nature of elected officials who need something else to gloat about when just winning their election wasn’t enough.

Per-vote-spending often reveals a candidate’s campaign strategy: are they spending on TV/internet advertising and mail pieces, or do they rely more on volunteers doing door-todoor canvassing and phone-banking?

Campaigns with a bigger voting population, such as State and City-wide elections, are generally more efficient on a cost-per-vote (CPV) basis, while a smaller District Supervisor race has a much higher CPV. So, let’s do some 3rd grade math with data from the Fair Political Practices Commission (available at https://sfethics.org/ ) and see how the recent San Francisco District Supervisor races played out and who gets bragging rights. A few ground rules: 1) the calculations are on money raised by the campaign; no 3rd party “Independent Expenditure” contributions, which are clubs, organizations, unions or Rich Uncle Pennybags (Monopoly Man) type of folks, all of whom are prohibited from coordinating with campaigns; and 2) these are ranked-choice elections, but I’m only using the 1st choice votes because 2nd and 3rd choices are consolation prizes—it’s the girl or guy you took to the prom because your first choice said no; you had a good time, you liked your date, but you really wanted to go with someone else.

Supervisor races cover a smaller population and contested races usually have a high CPV. The upside of a

Candidate Catherine Stefani Nick Josefowitz Schuyler Hudak

Total votes 10059 8932 2564

There’s a lot to unpack in this race.

Catherine Stefani, who actually is a competitive triathlete, got outspent by 121% and 49% per vote than Nick and Schuyler respectively. She benef ited greatly from name recognition as the appointed incumbent and is well-known in the District from her many years of service as a Legislative Aide. Rather than spend on flashy ads and glitzy swag, she relied on a committed group of unpaid volunteers, who walked precincts until their feet fell off and phone-banked

Amount spent $421,772 $816,510 $158,707

Cost per vote (CPV) $41.93 $91.41 $61.90

until their heads exploded. That loyalty matters when canvassing; voters can tell the difference between a true believer and a paid campaign worker. Nick worked hard in this race, and as we say in hockey, he “left it all on the ice,” but for $91 per vote, he could have taken all 8932 voters to Harris’ Steakhouse for the Wagyu Ribeye that I never order because it’s the most expensive steak on the menu.

Schuyler’s voters could go along and get a nice Filet Mignon.

Results of top 3 finishers in District 4 (Sunset/Parkside) Candidate Gordon Mar Jessica Ho Trevor McNeil

Total votes 6,477 4,894 2,263

Jessica Ho spent 48% more per vote than Gordon Mar, but Gordon benefited from name recognition (it helps when your twin brother was a Supervisor) and a longer history in the Dis-

Amount spent $163,455 $183,380 $27,203

Cost per vote (CPV) $25.24 $37.47 $12.02

trict. Trevor kept his CPV low, but unfortunately, he also kept his total votes low. At $12 per vote, he could have taken all 2263 people out for a slice or 2 of pizza at Extreme Pizza.

Results of District 6 (SoMa, Tenderloin, Mission Bay) Candidate Matt Haney Christine Johnson Sonja Trauss

Total votes 9,217 4,034 2,932

Matt Haney, Member of the School Board and veteran of 2 elections, shellacked the competition; name recognition probably had a hand in keeping his CPV low. At $45 and $69 respectively, Christine and Sonja could have

Amount spent $38 8 ,519 $183,380 $27,203

Cost per vote (CPV) $42.15 $45.59 $69.85

taken a total of 6966 people out for a really nice prix f ixe meal, cocktails and wine at Destino’s on Market Street (across from the LGBT Center and a good friend to the Community).

Results of District 8 (Castro, Diamond Heights, Noe, Twin Peaks) Candidate Rafael Mandelman The Other Guy

Total votes 26,356 2,421

In District 8, former San Francisco Bay Times columnist, current Supervisor and all-around mensch, Rafael Mandelman ran uncontested, but still spent $213,573 on slate card pledges, staff salaries, literature and heaven knows what else. He did get 26,356 votes for a very efficient CPV of $8.10;

Amount spent $213,573 N/A

Cost per vote (CPV) $8.10 N/A

for a few extra bucks per person, he could treat all of his voters to a nice lunch special at La Mediterranee, another good friend to our LGBT Community. The Other Guy did not file contributions or expenses with the FPPC, so he doesn’t get his name in this article.

Results of District 10 (Bayview, Hunters Point, Visitacion Valley) Candidate Shamann Walton Tony Kelly Theo Ellington

Total votes 6,120 3,252 2,964

Amount spent $199,729 $190,554 $181,557

Cost per vote (CPV) $32.64 $53.65 $61.25

This race followed the traditional pattern, School Board member Shamann Walton’s name recognition kept his CPV low. Theo, a first-time candidate, had to spend more to get his message out to voters. The outlier to the theory is Tony Kelly; he’s

well known in the District and has run for Supervisor in 2 previous elections. For his $53 per vote he could take 3,252 people to dinner at Piccino Cafe in Dogpatch (sponsor of the recent “One Fair Wage” event and contributor to many activist causes).

So, now you know how the money is spent and what it costs to run for office, at least here in San Francisco. If you are considering a future run, start raising money now!

as an appointed and elected Delegate for the State Democratic Party. She is a proud graduate of the Emerge California Women’s Democratic Leadership program, was a San Francisco Commissioner and has served in leadership positions in multiple nonprofit and communitybased organizations.

Louise (Lou) Fischer is the Immediate Past Co-Chair of the Board of Directors for the Alice B. Toklas LGBT Democratic Club and has served

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Our Biggest Threat Is Bigger Than We Thought

To the Left, To the Left Peter Gallotta As mobs of American consumers lined up outside of big box stores on Black Friday this year, the federal government quietly released a dire report on climate change. While the video of a crowd swarming a Victoria’s Secret for marked down Sherpa fleece hoodies was hard to watch, the federal government’s report is harder to stomach. The report, in short, explicitly warns that climate change may soon endanger the American way of life— from hundreds of billions of dollars in costs to our economy to impacting the health of nearly every American.

The National Climate Assessment, as the report is called, was developed by the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) along with NASA, the Department of Defense and 10 other scientific agencies, and it basically says everything that Donald Trump will not. Remember our President’s latest idea for addressing the climate crisis? Raking.

That’s right. Standing in between a bewildered Governor Jerry Brown and Governor-elect Gavin Newsom in fire-ravaged Butte County, California, Donald Trump pointed to inadequate raking as the cause. This from the President of one of the world’s biggest emitters of greenhouse gases. Could we be in any more trouble?

The irony of watching Governor Brown and Governor-elect Newsom

stand between the Raker in Chief is that California is arguably doing more to address climate change than any other state in the country. As the world’s fifth largest economy, this has tremendous ripple effects. Over the past eight years, Governor Brown has helped push forward a climate agenda, from accelerating electric vehicle adoption to extending cap and trade.

In arguably one of the most ambitious targets ever set, Governor “Moonbeam” issued an Executive Order committing California to total, economy-wide carbon neutrality by 2045.

a “Green New Deal.” Ocasio-Cortez’s vision for a “Green New Deal” is one similar to President Roosevelt’s package of policies focused on investments in people and jobs that helped to lift the United States out of the Depression.

We are lucky to live in California and to have leaders up and down the state who recognize that climate change is actually a real threat. But is it enough? A coalition of over 800 environmental groups called “Brown’s Last Chance” would argue it’s not.

Throughout Brown’s last year as Governor, the coalition has mounted an aggressive campaign to get Brown to commit to wholesale change.

A “Green New Deal” could not only push the United States to source 100% of its electricity from renewable sources, but also could call for infrastructure investments to upgrade the nation’s electrical grid and building stock to be more energy efficient.

Its package of policies could even include programs like universal basic income and universal healthcare, which would help to lift families out of poverty and improve community resiliency and health in the face of a changing climate that could worsen air quality and cause faster spreading diseases. While Ocasio-Cortez’s proposal faces signif icant political hurdles, 12 House Democrats have already signed onto a resolution supporting the idea.

That’s because California remains a state with active oil and gas drilling.

Despite committing to 100% renewable energy, fossil fuels continue to be extracted here. That’s why some are arguing that it’s time for California to put a stop to granting new permits for oil or gas drilling, fossil fuel infrastructure, or petrochemical projects, both onshore and offshore. And that it’s also time to phase out the oil and gas industries and promote an equitable economic and energy transition that protects workers, communities and those most affected by the impacts of dirty fossil fuel extraction.

I, for one, am hungry for bold, new ideas. Our climate and economic systems are out of whack. We have liberal, progressive principles with neoliberal, industry-protecting policies.

And it’s becoming abundantly clear that we need to move government to act faster and more aggressively to address income inequality, secure universal health care, regulate polluters and put a stop to greenhouse gas emissions. The New Deal itself may not have been entirely popular at the time, but can you imagine life today without Social Security?

Governor-elect Newsom certainly has a big job to fill and the calls for urgent action on climate change will only get louder. The question then is: how bold will he go? Perhaps he would do well to take a page from Congresswoman-elect Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s book. The newly elected Congresswoman from New York made headlines recently after participating in a protest on Capitol Hill that called for

The Legacy of Harvey Milk

Photos by Rink

The GLBT History Museum hosted a panel discussion on November 28 about the legacy of Harvey Milk, with an emphasis on the progressive views of the Harvey Milk LGBT Democratic Club. Speakers included (left to right), Tom Ammiano, Cleve Jones, moderator Honey Mahogany, Don Romesburg, Bard Chapin, Ani Rivera, Pablo Espinoza and Ken Jones.

It’s never been more of a serious time to contend with the climate crisis as an existential one. No one thought we’d be wearing masks walking around San Francisco due to a week of bad air quality. But we did. And we may very well again. And next time, for longer.

How many wildf ires and droughts can we withstand until we get the message? Even this federal government is trying to tell us. Some of the best ideas in history were not ones that came from within the box. We’ve got to move beyond the status quo and business as usual here in California and throughout the country.

It’s time, Governor-elect Newsom, to change the game. After all, without clean air, clean water and clean energy, how will anyone be able to bumrush stores for Sherpa fleece hoodies next Black Friday?

Peter Gallotta is a 30-something LGBT political activist holding on to the city that he loves thanks to rent control and two-for-one happy hour specials. He is a former President of the Harvey Milk LGBTQ Democratic Club and currently serves as an appointed member of the San Francisco Democratic County Central Com-

40th Anniversary Milk Moscone Memorial Intermittent rain showers did not stop a crowd from gathering in Harvey Milk Plaza on the evening of November 27, for the annual Milk & Moscone Rally and Candlelight Vigil held each year to commemorate the spontaneous march from the Castro to City Hall on that same date in 1978, the day Mayor George Moscone and Supervisor Harvey Milk were killed. Organized by the Harvey Milk Democratic Club, the rally included speeches by Cleve Jones, Tom Ammiano and Harry Britt, who spoke of their memories and delivered inspiring calls to action.

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Photos by Rink

Taiwan’s Prop 8

6/26 and Beyond Stuart Gaffney & John Lewis The Taiwanese LGBTIQ community on November 24 experienced the trauma of their own version of Prop 8 when conservative Christian political forces succeeded in passing antimarriage and anti-LGBTIQ equality referenda. Having lived through Prop 8 a decade ago, we experienced the Taiwan election results like a bad case of déjà vu and PTSD as well.

As background, Taiwan’s Constitutional Court in May 2017 issued a landmark decision in favor of marriage equality, putting Taiwan on the path to become the first country in Asia with the freedom to marry. The only catch was the Court gave the government two years to enact legislation to implement the decision.

If the government did not act, LGBTIQ couples could begin marrying in May 2019 under existing law.

The government dawdled, allowing anti-LGBTIQ opponents time to organize petition drives to place the discriminatory referenda on the November 24 election ballot.

And the referenda passed by large margins. The first, stating that the

Civil Code should exclude same-sex couples from marriage, garnered 72 percent of the vote. A second, urging the government not to enforce the nation’s comprehensive Gender Equity Education Act, which includes LGBTIQ curriculum in elementary and middle schools, passed with 67 percent of the vote. A third, stating that same-sex couples’ rights should be protected in some way other than amending the Civil Code, also passed with 61 percent of the vote.

The echoes of Prop 8 are unmistakable. The Taiwan Alliance to Promote Civil Partnership Rights (TAPCPR), lead counsel in the marriage equality litigation, explained how the LGBTIQ community faced “a monster with a war chest” (estimated at over U.S. $30 million) to finance “brainwashing campaigns to promote bias, fear and even hatred towards LGBTIQ people in Taiwan.”

Multiple news outlets report that support or funding came from notorious American anti-LGBTIQ groups, such as the National Organization for Marriage (NOM), a significant supporter and funder of the Prop 8 campaign, and MassResistance.

Jennifer Lu, chair of the Taiwan Marriage Equality Coalition, told the Human Rights Campaign: “The National Organization for Marriage instigated the three anti-LGBTQ measures,” using “materials [that] are often carbon copies of the same messaging and scare tactics” employed in the U.S. and other countries.

Akin to the Prop 8 campaign’s reliance on manufactured fears about the well-being of school children and freedom of religion, the Taiwan campaign “tried every possible and scur-

rilous means” including “creating fake news” and “establishing ‘fake’ opponents ... to exclude the real opponents from ... public debates,” according to TA PCPR. Lu and other activists described how antiLGBTIQ “smear messages” included “baseless claims,” such as that marriage equality will lead to Taiwan becoming “an island of AIDS.” As during Prop 8, the hostile campaign messages and divisive atmosphere they created took a toll on the well-being of LGBTIQ people. In Prop 8, some children of same-sex parents feared Prop 8 would cause their families to be separated, and all LGBTIQ people faced the indignity of having millions of strangers vote on their basic human rights. In Taiwan, increased anxiety and depression, as well as two suicides of LGBTIQ people, were reported during the campaign. TAPCPR stated that the campaign subjected LGBTIQ people to “humiliation.”

However, Prop 8 and the Taiwanese referenda differ crucially in their actual legal effect. Prop 8 took away LGBTIQ Californians’ state constitutional right to marry. The Taiwanese referenda, malicious as they are, do not—and indeed cannot—reverse the Constitutional Court’s decision in favor of marriage equality, the highest law of the land.

Passage of the Taiwanese referenda brings uncertainty and potential challenges to achieving full equality. TAPCPR’s Hsu explained to The Guardian that the referenda will likely lead the legislature to create a separate legislative code for same-sex marriage apart from the existing Civil Code marriage provisions, with anti-LGBTIQ

forces pushing for a “lightweight” version of samesex relationship recognition.

But the sweeping Constitutional Court decision, mandating marriage equality and rendering anti-gay discrimination presumptively unconstitutional, gives Hsu and the LGBTIQ community powerful legal tools to demand full equality; we know they will use them.

Hsu told us for the San Francisco Bay Times, “We won’t compromise on equal rights.”

Perhaps the most destructive element of political campaigns such as Prop 8 and the Taiwan referenda is that, if they prevail, everyone loses—even the purported “winners.” The type of exploitation of fear the campaigns employ creates needless polarization, division and hatred. The sacrifice of integrity and the severance of human connection diminish everyone’s lives. As with Prop 8, masses of Taiwanese people were not clamoring to take away marriage equality from LGBTIQ people; they only responded when a self-interested, manipulative political campaign was able to put the question on the ballot.

After Prop 8 passed, we asked ourselves the counter-intuitive question: “What’s the best thing that happened?” We believed the answer would likely point the way forward. Our answer: 6.4 million people, more than ever before, voted for love and LGBTIQ equality.

On election night in Taiwan, legendary activist Chi Chia-wei, who has been fighting for LGBTIQ and marriage equality for over 30 years, struck a similar tone: “Vote counts today are still inspiring to me. In the past, the LGBTIQ movement and political mobilization were unimaginable.

Today, however, more than 2 million voters, including many heterosexuals, really understand and respect LGBTQ communities.” In the final vote, well over 3 million Taiwanese voters supported marriage equality.

Prop 8’s passage awakened the LGBTIQ community and its allies, and engendered an unprecedented outpouring of support against hate and bigotry in favor of love. On election night, Hsu and other LGBTIQ leaders maintained their dignity and their resolve. In the words of TAPCPR: “We pledge to use love to counter hate, use wisdom to shatter lies and to continue courageously making strides towards marriage equality, until it is fully realized.” We know they will.

John Lewis and Stuart Gaffney, together for over three decades, were plaintiffs in the California case for equal marriage rights decided by the California Supreme Court in 2008.

Their leadership in the grassroots organization Marriage Equality USA contributed in 2015 to making samesex marriage legal nationwide.

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Applications Accepted December 7–14 for the Marcy Adelman and Jeanette Gurevitch Community at 95 Laguna

By Dr. Karyn Skultety After twenty plus years in the making, Openhouse and Mercy Housing are ready to complete the long-awaited community complex designed for LGBTQ seniors on Laguna Street.

While the walls are still being completed on the 79 LGBT-welcoming affordable senior housing units at 95 Laguna, the time to build a strong community of residents has arrived.

The residents of the new housing will join their neighbors at 55 Laguna, 68% of whom identify as LGBTQ, to complete the 119-unit complex.

Openhouse is leading the way in organizing our community to apply for these units. We know how daunting applying for housing can be in San Francisco and are ready to help with everything from reviewing the qualifications, to helping you fill out an application through the city’s DAHLIA system online, to offering emotional support while you wait for the results of the lottery.

And while Openhouse is leading the efforts in mobilizing our community, we are relying on support from the entire LGBTQ community of San Francisco to come together to support, assist and encourage LGBTQ seniors to apply to 95 Laguna between December 7 and 14.

Here are three things that you can do to help us:

Get the word out! Tell every LGBTQ person you know, aged 62 and over, to come learn about 95 Laguna from Openhouse and see if they may qualify. If you are an LGBTQ person aged 62 and over, come talk to us and learn more! Call our Housing Assistance Hotline, 415-230-0634, or come visit.

Our final Housing Q&A sessions will be held on Saturday, December 8, from 1:30–5 pm at 65 Laguna Street (Bob Ross LGBT Center).

Remind everyone who might be applying that applications should be done online (DAHLIA address) and must be completed between December 7 and 14. Application assistance is available every day at Openhouse during this period. Call our Housing Assistance Hotline for daily hours (415-230-0634). For those unable to complete an online application, Openhouse can assist you with a paper application. However, please note that paper applications must be received by December 14 and we highly recommend applying online.

Offer to help someone apply. Help may look like using your computer or

internet access. Help may be offering a reassuring word for someone discouraged by the process. Help may be offering to go along to Openhouse while we assist with the application process.

Lastly, Openhouse acknowledges and recognizes that the need for affordable housing for the LGBTQ community in San Francisco far exceeds what is available. We will celebrate as new LGBTQ residents move into the new units and our heart will break alongside those who face another housing waitlist.

Our mission is to be there for all LGBTQ seniors across the Bay Area with programs, community building and advocacy. Our new Community Center at 75 Laguna will be just that— a place for the entire LGBTQ community to ensure that older adults are central in our lives, central in our community and central in our fight for social justice.

Dr. Karyn Skultety is the Executive Director of Openhouse.

Dr. Marcy Adelman oversees the Aging in Community column. For her summary of current LGBT senior challenges and opportunities, please go to: http://sf baytimes.com/challenges-and-opportunties/

Alegre Home Care is proud to support Dr. Marcy Adelman’s Aging in Community column in the San Francisco Bay Times.

San Francisco Lesbian/Gay Freedom Band Is the Official Band of San Francisco The San Francisco Lesbian/Gay Freedom Band (SFLGFB), like the San Francisco Bay Times, is celebrating its 40th anniversary this year.

Soon there will be another milestone to commemorate. An ordinance authored and introduced by Supervisor Rafael Mandelman is set to designate the treasured community-based concert and marching band as being the official band of the City and County of San Francisco.

The designation adds to similar honors stacked up over the years. In 1998, Supervisor Tom Ammiano, on behalf of the entire Board of Supervisors, formally declared that SFLGFB was “The Official Band of San Francisco.” This was at an event held at Yerba Buena Gardens during the Band’s 20th anniversary year. Ammiano noted SFLGFB’s dedication to community service.

The Board of Supervisors repeated the honor in May 2003 at the Band’s 25th anniversary concert, The Beat Goes On, at Everett Middle School Auditorium. This was the site of the Band’s first formal concert in December 1978.

Fast forward to November of this year, when Mandelman shared these words at San Francisco City Hall: “To understand the importance of the Lesbian/Gay Freedom Band to our city, it’s helpful to begin at the band’s founding, some 40 years ago. At that time, Anita Bryant’s anti-gay crusade was at its worst, and in a real sense, to be queer was to be under attack.

In response, both as an affirmation of our identity and a celebration of our culture, the Lesbian/ Gay Freedom Band was formed 6

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The San Francisco Lesbian/Gay Freedom Band members performed during Super Bowl 50 activities in 2015.

and became the first openly gay music organization in the world.

Church and the inaugurations of Presidents Clinton and Obama.

From their f irst per formance marching in front of Har vey Milk’s contingent at the 1978 Pride Parade, to their 40th Anniversary celebration earlier this year, the Band has been a cultural mainstay in San Francisco. They have performed at the inaugurations of three San Francisco mayors, the historic and nationally televised San Francisco Domestic Partners’ Ceremony and were featured on the steps of City Hall in the movie Milk.

The San Francisco L esbian/ Gay Freedom Band has long been cherished and valued by those inside this building and, for quite some time, have been in a sense operating as our city’s ‘unofficial official band.’ As they close out their 40th year, I’m calling on our City to honor their tremendous impact by making the San Francisco Lesbian/Gay Freedom Band the Official Band of the City and County of San Francisco.”

They have also proudly represented our city and brought our commitment to equality to events across the country, including three marches on Washington for LGBT rights, the 1997 National Conference of the United Methodist

We congratulate SFLGFB on this and so many other achievements, and hope to see many of you at this year’s Dance-Along Nutcracker on December 8–9 ( https://bit.ly/2QAyDz0 ) at the Yerba Buena Center for the Arts.

Here’s to another 40 years +!

This Month at the Castro Farmers’ Market

Photos courtesy of the Pacific Coast Farmers’ Market Association

Your Farmers’ Market, Your Community By Debra Morris The Castro Farmers’ Market is closed for the season, but another convenient farmers’ market remains open year-round. Visit the Divisadero Farmers’ Market on Sundays, 10 am to 2 pm year-round at Grove and Divisadero Streets, for all kinds of tasty holiday essentials.

Your local farmers’ market is a great place to find unique holiday gifts for everyone on your list, from gourmet cooks, to gardeners, to overworked moms. Find all of your gift and holiday party ingredients at the booths of your local farmers’ market for a real taste of the season.

The market purveyors bring a variety of fresh nuts, sweet local honey, meats, ready-made meals to go and so much more. The market also has fresh cut flowers and handmade soaps to select from. You can also find items from different producers and create your own individual gift basket suited to your recipient.

But we couldn’t bring you all of the wonderful products at the Castro Farmers’ Market and other markets operated by PCFMA without our partners, the customer participation, or the local community. We would like to thank the Castro District, the Merchants of Upper Market and Castro (MUMC), and all of the local businesses and customers who support the market throughout

the season. And thanks to this newspaper, the San Francisco Bay Times, for their continued participation!

The local community is a very important part of the farmers’ market and we would not be a success without it. This market, in particular, engenders the all-important feeling of community involvement and community pride. You are supporting local small family farms, local artisans, beekeepers, flower nurseries, bakers, hot food purveyors and more when you shop your local farmers’ market.

We will continue to make the Castro Farmers’ Market a community event for all those who work, live or visit the Upper Market and Castro neighborhoods. We thank everyone for supporting the Castro Farmers’ Market this year and will continue to make the Castro Farmers’ Market the place to be on a Wednesday evening!

Season Opening with Donna Sachet and Castro Merchants Association leaders Dan Bergerac and Richard Magary

Enjoy the season with only the best produce and other products grown and produced by your local farmers and producers. Happy Holidays from all of us at Pacific Coast Farmers’ Market Association!

Debra Morris is a spokesperson for the Pacific Coast Farmers’ Market Association (PCFMA). Check out the PCFMA website for recipes, information about farmers’ markets throughout the region and for much more: https://www.pcfma.org/

Neighbors came out to meet vendors and view their offerings at booths on Noe Street every Wednesday during the season.

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Families That Scapegoat reer aspirations and her relationship in order to stay home and take care of their mother. Her brothers, (two of whom lived closer to their mother than Maureen) apparently had no such responsibility. For Maureen, this was just the latest episode in a lifetime of being blamed for every problem in the family.

Roland Schembari and Bill Hartman, Co-Founders Randy Alfred, Founding News Editor 1978 Kim Corsaro Publisher 1981-2011

2261 Market Street, No. 309 San Francisco CA 94114 Phone: 415-601-2113 525 Bellevue Avenue Oakland CA 94610 E-mail: editor@sfbaytimes.com www.sfbaytimes.com The Bay Times was the first newspaper in California, and among the first in the world, to be jointly and equally produced by lesbians and gay men.

We honor our history and the paper’s ability to build and strengthen unity in our community.

The Bay Times is proud to be the only newspaper for the LGBT community in San Francisco that is 100% owned and operated by LGBT individuals.

Dr. Betty L. Sullivan Jennifer L. Viegas Co-Publishers & Co-Editors

Beth Greene Michael Delgado Abby Zimberg Design & Production

Kate Laws

Business Manager

Blake Dillon Calendar Editor

Kit Kennedy Poet-In-Residence J.H. Herren Technology Director

Examined Life Tom Moon, MFT When Maureen’s aging mother fell and broke her hip the day before Thanksgiving, Maureen left her wife and drove seven hours to be with her injured parent. Maureen’s four brothers arrived too and stayed in the family home, but they told Maureen to get a hotel room because there was no room for her. She faced an atmosphere of coldness and hostility, both from her brothers and from her mother.

At dinner, her eldest brother got drunk and blurted out the reason for their anger: their mother’s fall was Maureen’s fault. As the only daughter, it was “self ish” of her to leave town and move in with her wife, when her clear duty was to set aside her ca-

One of the cruelest and most damaging patterns in dysfunctional families is scapegoating, in which one or both parents chooses a child to be blamed for the unhappiness, conf licts and failure in the family. Scapegoating is a “projection defense” in which making the scapegoat look bad diverts attention from the real sources of the family misery.

Once the victim is chosen, other children in the family join in on the bullying, usually with the active encouragement of the parent. Children who are scapegoated typically learn that they are at the bottom of the pecking order in the family, and automatically gravitate to that role at school or at work.

How can you recognize if you are the family scapegoat? The most obvious sign is that, when you are blamed for family suffering, even when it has nothing to do with you, your first reaction tends to be to feel ashamed rather than indignant. When you

point out reality or blow the whistle on the destructive behavior in the family, you are not only not believed, but also you are further targeted as a troublemaker.

You find yourself repeatedly accused of behavior that the scapegoater engages in, as when a parent rages at you and then accuses you of having a bad temper. You are treated as the family black sheep, and habitually face contempt and disgust. You may be the emotionally healthiest member of the family, but you are still repeatedly accused of being bad, sick or difficult. As an adult, you may be accomplished and successful, but family members discount and criticize your achievements.

For Maureen, the family response to her mother’s fall has been a wake-up call. She has finally realized that it’s futile to continue trying to win the favor of a parent who didn’t love her when she was growing up. A parent who rejects her own child usually has some kind of severe personality disorder and isn’t likely to change. And when Maureen’s brothers participate in her mistreatment, they are a group of bullies, not a family.

If you have been a family scapegoat, your inner work is to come to understand that everything you have learned to believe about yourself as

the scapegoat—that you’re weird, or bad, or crazy—is false. Your feelings of guilt, shame and self-blame actually belong to the perpetrators. They used you as a dumping ground for their painful feelings.

The best that you can do is to understand the underlying dynamic of your family and to work to come to peace with it on your own. In my experience, it’s usually not realistic to expect parents to own up to their mistreatment. If you confront them about it, the most likely response is that they will only deny and blame you again for being ungrateful.

Accept that you may never be able to have a healthy relationship with your scapegoaters. This may mean having little or no contact with them, and you may have to experience grief as a result, but the pain of having to mourn these losses will be much less harmful than the pain of continuing to endure the abuse. As a survivor of bullying and abuse, your lifelong task is to focus on learning to treat yourself with kindness, care and compassion, and to seek out relationships in which you are loved and respected.

Tom Moon is a psychotherapist in San Francisco. For more information, please visit his website http://tommoon.net/

Carla Ramos Web Coordinator Mario Ordonez Juan Ordonez Distribution

CONTRIBUTORS Writers Rink, Sister Dana Van Iquity, Ann Rostow, Patrick Carney, Kate Kendell, Alex Randolph, Heidi Beeler, Gary M. Kramer, Dennis McMillan, Tom Moon, Tim Seelig, Cinder Ernst, John Chen Rafael Mandelman, Jewelle Gomez, Phil Ting, Rebecca Kaplan, Kin Folkz, Leslie Katz, Philip Ruth, Peter Gallotta, Bill Lipsky, Karen Williams, Donna Sachet, Gary Virginia, Zoe Dunning, Marcy Adelman, Stuart Gaffney & John Lewis Brandon Miller, Jamie Leno Zimron Michele Karlsberg Lyndsey Schlax, Randy Coleman, Debra Walker, Howard Steiermann, Andrea Shorter, Scott Tsui, Tom Temprano, Lou Fischer, Frankie Bashan, Karin Jaffie, Brett Andrews, Karen E. Bardsley Photographers Rink, Phyllis Costa, Jane Higgins Paul Margolis, Chloe Jackman, Bill Wilson, Jo-Lynn Otto, Sandy Morris, Abby Zimberg, Morgan Shidler, JP Lor ADVERTISING Display Advertising Standard Rate Cards http://sfbaytimes.com/ or 415-503-1375 Custom ad sizes are available. Ads are reviewed by the publishers.

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Happy Holidays to You & Yours From All of Us at the San Francisco Bay Times 8

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GLBT Fortnight in Review

By Ann Rostow Trump Might Be an Island I’ve noticed a number of articles pointing out that George HW Bush was no particular friend to the LGBT community while in office. It’s quite true that he empowered the religious right, avoided gay civil rights issues and finessed the fight against AIDS. Still, I’m okay with emphasizing his positive qualities in the immediate aftermath of his death. This was the 1980s, after all, and his Democratic successor initiated Don’t Ask Don’t Tell and signed the Defense of Marriage Act. The 20th century was not a great era for us in general, so I will cut him a break on our behalf for now.

I have a Keats-like sentiment at these half-staff moments in the life of our nation—the bells are tolling for all of us, right?

I also wonder what will happen when or if Trump kicks the bucket. I say “if” to keep alive the possibility that the man is a specter or perhaps an alien from outer space, two remote explanations for his manifest lack of human characteristics.

Barring those, I shudder to imagine the jarring display of his coffin draped in the American flag. And what will people say? Will Michael Beschloss or Doris Kearns Goodwin be required to expound on tax cuts or tweaks to NAFTA? Let’s just say that good manners will be sorely tested all around.

Oh, and no, the bells won’t be tolling for me in that moment.

No Umami in Catholic Taste I see that the Pope has advised gay priests and nuns to stay celibate or leave the Church. I’m not sure if this pronouncement is viewed as an insult to our community, but it doesn’t seem like a surprising suggestion. Don’t all priests and nuns have to be celibate?

Why should gay ones be any different?

I think he meant that people should resist the urge to use Church vows as a mechanism to rein in their gay impulses. Again, I consider this a sensible proscription. If you’re gay and unhappy about it, get thee to a therapist.

I haven’t read about any sexually abusive nuns lately, or ever. But those pedophile priests are a piece of work. I don’t know if they’re technically gay or just deranged, but they’ve been allowed to run rampant for nearly two decades since the scope of the Church scandals became public. What the hell, Catholic Church? How come these predators continue to pop up in the headlines?

Why are they still tolerated? Why, as a matter of fact, are more of them not in jail? Did they all outlast the statutes of limitation? Has Alex Acosta been consulting at the Vatican?

Dumb and Dumber So, I have sort of good news. All of the GLBT petitions set for discussion at Supreme Court conferences are now rescheduled for January at the earliest, so our holidays will not be marred by disturbing thoughts of Gorsuch, Alito and company gleefully preparing to undo much of our recent legal progress in the name of “religious freedom” or “Congressional intent.”

Speaking of the Trumpi-fied Court, I was just reading a lawyerly post about a recent oral argument on whether it is fair for law enforcement to impound a $40,000 car that was used in a relatively minor drug infraction. I guess the Constitution doesn’t encourage excessive punishments, but in truth I know nothing about the underlying legal issue that had something to do with the extrapolation of the Bill of Rights into state law.

The guy writing the article, however, was indeed an expert, who expressed astonishment that, while asking their questions from the bench, neither Gorsuch nor Kavanaugh appeared to have any idea what they were talking about, and that Gorsuch (who is proving himself a supercilious prig) added insult to

ignorance by making sarcastic comments to the state attorney general facing the Court.

Just what we need! Not only are these guys hardcore anti-gay conservatives, but they’re a couple of know-nothings to boot and at least one of them is a pompous ass. Alito is just as bad, and Thomas is, well, Thomas is another thing we can add to the ugly side of George HW Bush’s historical ledger, once we have paid our respects.

Help Wanted: Editor I’m scrounging for gay stories this morning because it’s Christmas time, an extended excuse to drink and ignore professional responsibility, and also because there aren’t too many GLBT U.S. political or legal topics into which I can delve right now. Instead, dear readers, let’s consider Bush 41’s service dog, “Sully,” and the online news service, Slate, which published a mildly disparaging piece aimed at those who would elevate Sully’s role in the late President’s life.

Maybe you saw the heart-rending shot of Sully lying in front of Bush’s coffin with a sad look on his sweet face. Get over it, Slate writer Ruth Graham insists. Sully was no longtime soulmate, but a working canine who spent less than six months helping Bush during the waning weeks of his life. Now, Sully is off to his next assignment at Walter Reed hospital. Chop chop! Why must this simple, pragmatic situation be transformed into the contrived saga of a devoted dog who refuses to leave his master’s side until his duty is done?

You would have thought Graham unearthed an old shoplifting charge against the Bush twins, or accused GHW of cheating at golf. The reaction from people on all sides was apoplectic. A key quote from Slate reading, “Sully ... has been with the president for six months, not his lifelong companion,” was juxtaposed on Twitter with a shot of Sully walking in a patriotic vest.

“Shut it down, now,” said one of the 3,400 subsequent commentators. Another called Graham a “soulless monster.” “’That dog is NOT cute or loyal’ is not the hill you want to die on,” wrote someone else. And then there was my personal favorite: “A cat wrote this.”

I sympathize with Graham’s frustration towards the sentimental horse pucky that immediately rose up once Sully’s dramatic pose was widely publicized.

But as a cynic myself, I could have told her there are times to swallow, smile and keep your snide thoughts to yourself, later to be shared over a cocktail with friends and family. Instead, Graham barged right on, even expanding her misguided theme to dogs in general.

“Also,” she writes, “if dogs are subject to praise for obeying their masters, what do we do about the pets who eat their owners’ dead (or even just passed out) bodies?”

Woah, Nelly! Here Ruth Graham becomes the overserved intern at the company’s Christmas party who started to lecture the head of accounting about Bernie Sanders and found herself defending Stalin’s five-year plans.

Weren’t we talking about Sully, the relatively new, but much loved and very adorable, service dog? How did we get to household pets ripping flesh off the disabled bodies of their masters and mistresses? It’s Christmas!

Look, just as we will reserve commentary on GHW Bush’s lack of serious action to combat HIV until after the flag returns to the top of the pole, so we will keep our reservations about Sully the service dog to ourselves. Personally, I thought he seemed like a very good dog.

Girl! It’s Cold Outside!

I love the story of the gay weatherman from Norfolk, Virginia, Blaine Stewart.

According to an article in The Advocate, Stewart has been on the air for some twenty years on stations around the (continued on page 24) S AN F R ANC IS C O BAY T IM ES

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Donna Sachet’s Songs of the Season hosted by Brian Kent Photos by JP Lor From November 26–November 28, Brian Kent Productions and PRC presented Donna Sachet’s Songs of the Season at cozy and swank Feinstein’s at the Nikko. Many last year feared that the popular fundraiser, benefiting PRC, would not be able to continue, but Billboard recording artist Kent stepped in to help and curate the talent lineup. The result was a resounding success.

As Kent posted after the final performance: “Months of work, the support of PRC and having one AMAZING CAST paid off! Donna Sachet, thank you for trusting me, Leanne Borghesi, thank you for being you and being my right hand from beginning to end, Dan O’Leary, Kenny Nelson, David Anthony Hernandez, Effie Passero, Frenchie Davis, Breanna Elyce Sinclairé, and Kippy Marks, you guys are the true definition of talent, professionalism and commitment ... THANK YOU, I’m honored to know you. To the band, Russell Deason, Roberta Drake, Max Judelson and Michael Grossman for being ON POINT and present, you guys ROCKED and owned everything we threw you ... THANK YOU. To the staff at Feinstein’s and to the undying support of Demetri Sparks and Cal Callahan at PRC for keeping this alive, THANK YOU! Finally, to all of you who opened your wallets to help PRC, came to the show, volunteered, sponsored the show, supported us, and trusted me to bring you something magical ... THANK YOU! I’m honored and humbled.

Happy Holidays!”

Light in the Grove 2018 Photos by Rink and Paul Margolis

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PHOTO BY RINK

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Light in the Grove, a one-of-a-kind evening of remembrance, renewal and reunion, took place this year on Friday, November 30, at the National AIDS Memorial in Golden Gate Park. On the eve of World AIDS Day, the event honored longtime HIV/AIDS activist and outgoing Board Chair Michael Shriver, whose dedicated efforts have been at the local, statewide, national and international levels. The evening included speakers, entertainment and a walk through the Grove along illuminated paths to a tented venue. Guests had the opportunity to place a candle at the Circle of Friends memorial. This year, they could also “ring the chime” and “speak a name” at the new Artists Portal, which is the first permanent installation honoring singers, musicians, dancers and artists lost to HIV/AIDS.

Donna’s Chronicles

“I’m dreaming of a White Christmas; but if the White runs out, I’ll drink the Red!”

By Donna Sachet

I

-Unknown

t is hard to explain the immense gratitude we feel to those who enabled Songs of the Season to continue last week for three nights at Feinstein’s at Hotel Nikko. For 25 years, this was a personal labor of love, a vision made real by people like Bob Brunson, Philip Turner and Richard Sablatura. And after an official end last year, Brian Kent came to the rescue, offering to produce the event. Within a few weeks, performers volunteered, sponsors signed up and supporters bought tickets so that Donna Sachet’s Songs of the Season hosted by Brian Kent could again raise money for PRC while ushering in the holidays. Thank you all, and may those holiday tunes ring through December, bringing you lovely memories of treasured friends.

Light in the Grove, the AIDS Memorial Grove’s annual pre-World AIDS Day outdoor evening gala, filled the last day of November with stunning visual images and haunting memories. There is something truly magical about following twinkling lights down a winding path in the middle of darkened Golden Gate Park to find the Circle of Friends gently glowing by candlelight, honoring 2500 of those “touched by AIDS, including those who have died; those who loved them; and donors to the National AIDS Memorial,” according to their website. The pathway continued through flickering shadows and performance artists, leading to the giant clear-walled tent, where food and drink, as well as welcome heat, awaited. Once inside, we had some challenges summoning the usual conviviality, haunted by solemn memories and faded faces.

Nonetheless, Co-Chairs Eric Ciasullo and Pat Christen and Rick Pasano of Quest Diagnostics reminded us of successful struggles of the past as they addressed the crowd. The usual din of the socializing assembly quieted noticeably as Mike Shriver received the Lifetime of Commitment Honor; he has obviously made a tremendous difference in the movement and touched innumerable lives in the process. Executive Director John Cunningham then rightfully silenced the crowd as he related ongoing challenges and a vision for the future. As Josh Klipp and the Klipptones brought the attendees to their feet with lively music, we caught up with Matt Buchanan, Paul Margolis, Patrik Gallineaux, Ira Olney & Troy Arnold, Suzan Revah, Lau Ra, Wayne Thomas Ice, Lizzi Dierken, Ken Henderson, Larry Hashbarger, Gary Thackeray, Kevin Shanahan & Michael Montoya, Larry Lare Nelson, Tim Seelig, Beth Feingold and Xavier Caylor.

The first Miracle on Powell Street at Sunday’s a Drag at The Starlight Room went off without a hitch, bringing smiles to the faces of a full house in attendance. We can’t give it all away, but suffice it to say, you shouldn’t miss this annual special event.

Only 3 Sundays in December remain, so make your reservations now!

Immediately after the show, we made a quick costume change before heading to the Castro and 440, where Rita Rockett was welcoming friends during her recent visit. Years ago, during the darkest days of the AIDS pandemic, this angel among us brought joy to the AIDS Ward of San Francisco General Hospital. For 16 years, she would dress outlandishly and act wildly, bringing Sunday brunch, entertainment and affection to patients whose symptoms frightened others and rendered them nearly untouchable. “To be able to be a positive light in the darkness, that’s all I wanted to do,” explains Rita. What an example of unrestrained love! For more of her story, check out the important documentary film 5B. For 14 years, a well-heeled group of generous individuals from within the LGBT Community has supported Toys for Tots with an annual gathering, known as much for its dashing and eligible guest list as for the hundreds of toys donated for needy Bay Area children. Having outgrown The Starlight Room, The Green Room and the St. Regis, this year’s event happened in the Grand Ballroom of the Fairmont Hotel. Visiting this hotel during the holiday season is a San Francisco essential! The always elegant lobby is transformed into a winter wonderland with boughs of greenery, sparkling lights and a genuine, life-sized gingerbread house on site. We glided down the main staircase, ambled down the hallway and spilled into the ballroom, where DJ Christopher Berini provided crowd-pleasing music as guests mingled amiably, with donated toys piled up in one corner of the room. It appeared that Macy’s, Costco and even Cliff’s Variety had been emptied of toys! We socialized briefly with Joel Goodrich, Mark Calvano, Lance Holman, Michael Shilling, Xavier Barrera & Kirk Hahn, Jeff Doney and others, but it was difficult to manage the crowd with our new family member Peanut in tow. Yes, she will be making periodic appearances since separation anxiety is an ongoing concern, and, so far at least, she seems to be quite well received and well behaved.

PHOTO BY SHAWN NORTHCUTT

PHOTO: WWW.DVPIX.NET

Calendar a/la Sachet Every Sunday in December Sunday’s a Drag: Miracle on Powell Street 10:30 am Brunch, 11:30 am Show The Starlight Room Sir Francis Drake Hotel, $75 inclusive https://bit.ly/2OB4Gur Thursday, December 6 Drag Queens on Ice 8–9 pm Safeway Holiday Ice Rink in Union Square, Free https://bit.ly/2SpB3Ob/ Friday–Saturday, December 7, 8 Brassy & Sassy, SF Gay Men’s Chorus 8 pm Friday; 2:30 pm & 8 pm Saturday Nourse Theater 275 Hayes Street, $25–$110 https://bit.ly/2rkiU8N Saturday–Sunday, December 8, 9 Dance-Along Nutcracker: Clara Potter & the Elder Baton SF Lesbian/Gay Freedom Band 3 pm & 7 pm Saturday 11 am & 3 pm Sunday Yerba Buena Center for the Arts $20–$45 https://bit.ly/2QAyDz0 Monday, December 10 Help is on the Way for the Holidays XVII 7:30 pm Marines’ Memorial Theatre 609 Sutter Street, $60 & up https://bit.ly/2QBocaZ Thursday, Saturday, Sunday, Tuesday, December 13, 15, 16, 18 Jingle All the Way, Golden Gate Men’s Chorus 8 pm Thursday; 3 pm Saturday, 3 pm & 7 pm Sunday; 8 pm Tuesday St. Matthew’s Lutheran Church 3281 16th Street, $25–$40 https://bit.ly/2KS30vt

If you’ve gotten this far into the holiday season without any music, that has to change now! We’ll see you at Brassy & Sassy, the SF Gay Men’s Chorus holiday show with special guest Marnie Breckenridge; DanceAlong Nutcracker: Clara Potter and the Elder Baton, the Lesbian/Gay Freedom Band’s hilarious show; Help is on the Way for the Holidays XVII, REAF’s splendid cabaret; and Jingle All the Way, the Golden Gate Men’s Chorus’ concert. Become immersed in the best of holiday music from the best in our community, encouraging live entertainment while supporting great causes! That’s our idea of a happy holiday!

Saturday, December 15 The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas Mr. Cowboy & Miss Cowgirl 2018 3 pm–6pm Tenderloin Museum 398 Eddy Street, $10 https://bit.ly/2EcwtQ j

Donna Sachet is a celebrated performer, fundraiser, activist and philanthropist who has dedicated over two decades to the LGBTQ Community in San Francisco. Contact her at empsachet@gmail.com

Saturday, December 15 Cecil Russell’s Pose Winter Party 8 pm–2 am 1501 Folsom Street, $35–$75 https://bit.ly/2UbEt8X

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Weddings, Occasions & Relationships Learning to Love unspoken. Teenagers often hang out with their friends, and when they see someone they like, they ask each other: “How should I approach them? What should I say?”

In decades past, a gay person hardly ever had this natural support and group dynamics of teenage culture to rely on.

Lonely No More Scott Tsui Hey people, wake up! We have a life to lead and adventures to discover in relationships. Now is the time to start learning how to go about it. Life is too short not to live it to the fullest.

We have delved into the first three elements of love, namely self-awareness, motivation and authenticity.

Today we’ll cover learning.

As mentioned in the article on authenticity, we were never taught about coming out and embracing who we are while growing up. We not only lost the opportunity to learn how to date a guy while we were hiding our true identities, but we also lost out on knowing how to begin a relationship. We usually couldn’t ask our parents, guardians, brothers or uncles how to date a guy. Our knowledge about gay relationships often stemmed only from what we heard, read and saw. Mostly, we experimented and worked through relationships purely by trial and error.

It’s presumed that once we complete higher education, our learning stage is over, except for continued education or training for our profession. Most of us never take the time to study how to build a healthy relationship or the finer art of relating on a romantic level. This is the reason why many gay men cannot distinguish myth from fact and fantasy from reality. Most have no clue about where to start.

It also explains the reasons why relationships are so often confusing, complicated and intimidating. It’s confusing enough in heterosexual relationships, where more and more people get divorced than ever before. Now we layer a gay relationship with being a new frontier of social acceptability, which before was

Older generations particularly suffered from this problem, and even those in younger generations, who now have more freedom to be accepted, can still find it difficult, for many reasons. What we need is a framework to begin the learning and discovery process for advice, which can be obtained quite readily online these days.

We can educate ourselves about relationships; we just need the opportunity to learn and to have the open access and availability of information in a safe environment. Creating healthy relationships is a skill that can be honed in much the same way as we expend time and energy in advancing our education and professional career. It’s important to keep an open mind, be willing to take risks and to be vulnerable with an open heart, and eyes, so that with practice we become better.

Relationships are a never-ending learning process, through overcoming life’s challenges. During any relationship, we encounter together joy, but also heartache, tragedy and mishaps. Through the crises, we must learn to adapt and to be a rock for each other when the going gets tough, as well as to celebrate together when life is good.

Once we have a learner’s mindset and understand that it just takes time to figure things out, with give and take, it helps to diminish feeling intimidated or the need to run away when problems arise. We have a sense of being able to handle situations more readily. The fastest way to master a skillset is to model someone who has already succeeded. There are many avenues where you can gain advice—from reading articles such as this and other books, from people with successful relationships as well as professional relationship coaches. Just keep learning by searching for solutions, and do not give up.

Three Steps to Finding Love 1. Become comfortable in your own skin. Before we can find

Happy 20th Anniversary, David Perry and Alfredo Casuso!

On December 1, 1998, David Perry met Alfredo Casuso. As Casuso recently wrote, thinking back on that time, “I had no idea that my life was about to take a wonderful and completely unexpected turn. It has been a true privilege and joy to share the road of life with my husband David these past 20 years, and it is something I absolutely don’t take for granted. I’m a very fortunate man!”

The two, who share a home in San Francisco and the business David Perry & Associates, Inc., have been traveling the world together. Recently they were in Peru. While at Machu Picchu’s Temple of the Sun, Perry saw an image by a local artist. The artwork was based on the Incan honoring of the heavens, and inspired him to write the following “to my soulmate, my best friend, my husband.”

Anniversary Haiku The stars spoke to me when I was a boy. They said: “We are Alfredo.”

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someone to love, we must first learn about ourselves. Discover what is important to you, and what you really need and like.

Understand who you are at this stage of your life, and what you want to achieve in future. Look in the mirror and appreciate who you already are and the attributes you can bring to a loving relationship.

2. Attract the right partner. Do you present yourself in a way that attracts the type of man you desire? Consider the type of person whom you want to be with and the complimentary attributes that he would possess. Attracting the right partner means recognizing what is important not only to yourself, but also to the other individual, and how you can connect in a loving partnership with the same values and sense of adventure on your journey through life together. Once partnered, think of yourselves as a gift to each other.

3. Sustain the relationship. A relationship entails connecting with someone and staying connected. It includes adaptability and consideration. Yes, there will be times when you are angry with one another and don’t always see eye to eye; that is to be expected and is healthy. The keys are to stay connected and to appreciate the love that you have for one another and the gifts that you both bring to the relationship. Over the course of time, you will go through many experiences together and will build a history that will both enable connection and bring moments of warmth.

Hold onto those moments and remember why you fell in love in the first place.

By maintaining a learner’s mindset, the chances of a successful relationship are substantially increased.

Scott Tsui is the Relationship Results Coach, author of “Lonely No More – 8 Steps to Find Your Gay Husband” and the creator of the world’s first online gay relationship training: Gay Men Relationship Blueprint. Tsui works to help gay men find, attract and sustain meaningful relationships. For more information: http://scotttsui.com/

Why Releasing Your Inner Santa Is a Good Thing clearer guidance for their thinking.

You’ll also, of course, have to decide how much can you afford to give and when you should bestow your gifts.

Let’s tackle the first question first. The only real way to know how much you can afford to give is to know where your finances stand. What are your sources of income today and in the future? How much have you put away?

How much do you need each month, both now and years from now? How many years do you think your money will have to last?

Money Matters Brandon Miller Science can tell you why Santa is so jolly. It has nothing to do with getting to travel the world or only having to work one night a year. Being able to eat all the cookies he wants because no one judges him for being hefty isn’t a contributing factor either.

What makes Santa, Kris Kringle, Father Christmas, St. Nicholas or whatever you want to call him so cheery is that he’s mastered this whole givingis-better-than-receiving thing.

Yes, there really is scientific evidence that you’re happier giving your money to others than spending it on yourself. Numerous studies over the past decades demonstrate a “giver’s glow” or “helper’s high” that stems from being generous. This holds true across the globe, regardless of income level or gender.

But enough about Santa and science.

Let’s talk about you.

Scratch that. Let’s talk about whom you want to help. I always suggest that my clients focus directly on whom they’ll be giving to because it provides

Then, look at what you have, or will have, minus what you need for the rest of your own life. You can spend whatever is left as you wish on whatever you like. If that means doling out some excess wealth to someone else, then the question becomes, should you give your gift now or later?

This subject isn’t quite as straightforward, because there is a lot of emotion wrapped up in it. But the following are some things that I suggest my clients should consider.

Your gift is likely to be more impactful now versus later. Yes, it’s dramatic to give a big inheritance to someone once you’re gone. But really, where’s the fun in that (unless it’s a plot twist in a movie)?

Giving money to your loved ones or charities now means you get to see the impact that it has on their life or organization. This is where it really helps to focus on your specific recipient. For example, if you’re thinking of leaving a grandchild $50,000 in your will, wouldn’t that money be more meaningful if it were doled out in $12,500 increments over four years to help defray tuition costs? Or if you’re leaving

part of your estate to a charity, will they even be around decades from now when you’re gone?

Another reason to choose the here and now is to use your gift as a trial run. If you hand $5,000 to a friend who’s having trouble making rent and they blow it on a pair of Jimmy Choos, do you really want to leave them a larger chunk of change later?

Then there’s the reason for choosing now that’s near and dear to me. I’m a huge proponent of giving your values along with your money. Here are two strategies that I use with my own sons: 1. I match the money that they put toward a goal. For every $1 they save, I contribute $5. Technically I’m giving my sons money, but I’m teaching them about saving at the same time.

2. My second tactic is to insist that they give back part of what I give them. I might hand each twin two $5 bills with the caveat that they can spend $5 on themselves, but the other bill has to be spent on someone else. This is a really fun way to teach them how good it feels to give to others.

These tactics work equally well for adults.

However you choose to share your money with others, you’ll feel a rush of dopamine and endorphins that stem from the act of generosity itself, and you don’t even have to put on a Santa suit.

Brandon Miller, CFP® is a financial consultant at Brio Financial Group in San Francisco, specializing in helping LGBT individuals and families plan and achieve their financial goals.

Same Platforms, Different Looks A prime example rests with this month’s subjects: Hyundai’s Kona and Veloster. The Kona is a small crossover, with a pipsqueak-SUV look.

The Veloster is a sporty coupe with a quirky three-door setup. Both of them were preceded by the Elantra, Hyundai’s mainstream compact sedan. As you can see, there’s quite a range of personalities from one starting point.

Auto Philip Ruth Platforms. In drag, they’re the high heels that put performers on two gigantic pedestals. In cars, they’re the foundation from which multiple models can spawn. In both cases, they form the basis for something attractive and compelling—and potentially fabulous.

Common bones in vehicles are nothing new. Scratch the surface of an Acura MDX and you’ll find a Honda Pilot; a Buick Encore is a few tickles away from the Chevrolet Trax.

The difference now is that manufacturers are employing single platforms for just about everything in the lineup. This makes it easier and cheaper to build variations, and it helps carmakers to pounce on new markets as they emerge.

The hard points of width and track— the distance between the wheels from one side to the other—are identical or very similar between all three.

Length is more easily changed, and both the Kona and Veloster have solid parkable credentials with measurements less than 170 inches. The Elantra’s trunk swells it to just over 181 inches. Height is also low-hanging fruit in body mods, and the SUVlike Kona peers over the others by six inches or so.

It’s appropriate that the Kona rises above the others in height, because in terms of Hyundai’s future, the Kona is one of the company’s shining stars.

Early sales returns have been strong, and soon in early 2019, an all-electric version with a Chevy Bolt-slaying, 258 -mile range will pique buyers’ interests, particularly if gas prices continue their gradual climb. Crossovers and electrics are where the trends are heading, and the Kona is dead-center on that horizon.

Hyundai Veloster Turbo

The Veloster is old-school by comparison, a coupe version of a family sedan, like the defunct Toyota Celica and Honda Prelude. Its niche role is defined by its sales, which track at less than 20 percent of the Kona’s. The Veloster is only about an inch less tall than the Elantra, so the passenger envelope isn’t all that different. Like the others, the Veloster feels broadly roomy inside, but there’s enough squatness in the greenhouse to impart a coupe’s intimacy.

Over the road, the tested Veloster Turbo Ultimate with 201 horses under the hood should have made a clear name for itself. It can feel speedy, but the transmission’s slack initial response felt slow to engage.

The manual transmission alternative is an easy fix for that.

There’s no manual offered on the Kona, and the most horsepower it gets is 175. So, performance is a lower priority, and it’s about what you’d expect. The driving isn’t the appeal of the Kona, or at least it isn’t until the electric version debuts. That’s when this platform will really get interesting.

Philip Ruth is a Castro-based automotive photojournalist and consultant ( www.gaycarguy.com ). Check out his automotive staging service at www.carstaging.com

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Orphan Andy’s Lights Up for the Holidays

Orphan Andy’s “Close your eyes and tap your heels together three times and think to yourself, ‘There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home.

There’s no place like ... “ Orphan Andy’s in the Castro! That is where Dorothy and her enchanted ruby slippers might very well have landed once The Wizard of Oz credits finished.

After all, the San Francisco landmark destination is open 24/7, offers soul-satiating fare, smart and sassy service, courage to skittish newcomers and more sparkle than Glinda the Good Witch’s hand-laid Adrian crystal gown.

The wizards behind Orphan Andy’s homespun magic are Dennis Ziebell and Bill Pung, who are married partners in addition to being co-owners of the restaurant at 3991 17th Street. The 50s-style diner, with its inviting counter, roomy red leatherette booths and overthe-top creative queer décor, is truly a home away from home—or a destination that is even better than home—for numerous regulars.

In the morning, savory 3-egg omelets, French toast (including stuffed with spiced apples and cream cheese), hotcakes (with added banana and chocolate chip versions), steak & eggs and several other delicious breakfast items a re t he

stars of the show. There is also bottomless coffee poured by attentive, friendly staff, whom you will soon know on a first name basis after a few visits.

Lunch sees plenty of patty melts, giant salads, homemade soups, Orphan Andy’s chili (don’t forget the cheese and chopped onion), and mouth-watering sandwiches like BBQ pork, Philly cheesesteaks and French dip. Dinner might be fish & chips, a NY steak, chicken-fried steak with country gravy, or one of the specials on offer. Those who save room for dessert may be rewarded with Orphan Andy’s double fudge brownies, Bailey’s Irish cream cheesecake, frosty malts, Hawaiian wedding cake, ice cream sundaes, or ... OK, we have to take a break and make an Orphan Andy’s run now, as we are getting hungry here!

As day turns into night, Orphan Andy’s emits a warm and welcoming glow for passersby, who might hear songs like “We Are Family,” “Rock This Town” and “Respect” coming from a retro jukeboxe when the door swings open. It is little wonder that first dates happen here, along with marriage proposals, anniversaries and birthday celebrations—or even just everyday celebrations, where locals can feel grateful for having such a reliably cozy spot.

Orphan Andy’s reflects the longstanding bond shared by Ziebell and Pung, who live upstairs.

Each handsome and easygoing fellow beams when speaking of the other. The over four decades old restaurant is like an extension of their loving home, with the entire community and visitors welcome. For locals, to paraphrase Dorothy, there is no reason to go looking for your heart’s desire outside of the Castro.

Home is right here, at Orphan Andy’s.

We recently caught up with Ziebell, who shared more about this neighborhood favorite.

1970s menu (right)

San Francisco Bay Times: Those of us who were around the Castro in the 1970s fondly recall Andy’s Donuts, a 24-hour diner formerly at 460 Castro Street (now Osaka Sushi)

Orphan Andy’s Behind the Scenes Managing any restaurant poses challenges, but those are magnified all the more when service is 24/7 nearly every day of the year. Dennis Ziebell, Bill Pung and their team at Orphan Andy’s, over four decades of successful operation, are masters of the art. A key is strategic down time for serious cleaning and other maintenance. Note that Orphan Andy’s closes every Monday from 4 am–6 am, on a Tuesday from about 4 am–5 pm every 3 months (for a complete steam cleaning, painting touch-ups and more), at 12:30 pm on Thanksgiving and at 1 pm on Christmas Eve. The restaurant is closed on Christmas Day. Most of the rare closures allow for repairs and other maintenance that are trickier to complete when diners are present. On any given day, however, the staff are constantly working to keep Orphan Andy’s in tip top shape. Thanks to these efforts, the restaurant—like the drawing of “Andy” on the laminated menu cover—is able to retain its good looks and youthful retro charm.

Special Thanks to JP Lor Photography http://www.jplor.com

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frequented by Harvey Milk and many other greats. Is it true that you became the owner of Andy’s Donuts when you were just 21? How did that come about?

Dennis Ziebell: I was 22 when I bought Andy’s Donuts in October of 1972. I had started as clean-up boy and then donut maker/baker in March of that year. I had worked in bakeries during my high school years in Nebraska.

I originally hitchhiked to San Francisco in the fall of 1971 and lived on the streets and in the then abandoned old Ace High Hotel on 6th Street between Mission and Howard for several months before finding a place to stay.

San Francisco Bay Times: Did Andy’s Donuts inspire Orphan Andy’s, given the similar name and 24-hour concept?

And who was “Andy”?

moved in Bill beca

San Fra some of erating share so your tim

Dennis Ziebell: Andy McDougal was the original owner of Andy Donuts for many years.

When I sold Andy’s Donuts in the spring of 1975, I then bought the Boot Camp Bar in the fall of 1975.

Dennis business Castro an and work 46 years. customer tough tim

In 1977, I also bought my favorite café—the “Five Corners Café”—which I renamed Orphan Andy’s because I was orphaned at birth, and also because I wanted to continue the same menu and 24/7 classic diner format that had been at Andy’s Donuts.

Cons: no ing the c professio are what grateful f has allow

San Francisco Bay Times: We’ve read that you met Bill when he stopped in for a beer at Boot Camp Bar. What do you remember about that fateful night, and what year was that?

Dennis Ziebell: That was in the spring of 1976. I was working that day and Bill was sitting at the bar and we were introduced by the bartender. It was love at first sight and we

San Fra vibe at t out the

Dennis are peop etc. The and clubs San Fran

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ancisco Bay Times: What are f the unique pros and cons of opa 24-hour restaurant? Please ome memorable anecdotes from me at Orphan Andy’s.

Ziebell: Pros: the love of being in the is its own reward. Plus, being in the nd San Francisco and both of us living king in the neighborhood for all these . Plus having amazing employees and rs makes it easier to get through the mes.

one really, but challenges—yes. Meetchallenges of being in business or any on, and learning from one’s mistakes t rewards are made of. We are forever for the support of the community that wed us to thrive for all these years.

ancisco Bay Times: How does the the restaurant change throughday?

Ziebell: Mornings and afternoons ple working, living in the area, tourists, after-hours are mostly from the bars s here in the Castro and other parts of ncisco.

T he volu me on the jukebox definitely goes u p at n i g ht for the party crowd, but the v ibe and atmosphere are fun and lively all day.

San Francisco Bay Times: Please name some of your own favorite dishes served now at Orphan Andy’s.

Dennis Ziebell: Chicken fried steak with country sausage gravy, pancakes, Angus burgers and the barbecued pork sandwich. And I especially love my Mother Ziebell’s original Hawaiian wedding cake recipe. Oftentimes, we just like to have the house made soups or chili for a light meal.

San Francisco Bay Times: The restaurant is always a great stand-out in the Castro, but especially during the holidays. Who does the decorating for you, and what are some of your favorite decorations this year?

Dennis Ziebell: Bill is the talented one and does all of the decorating. This year, Bill has some new snowflakes in the windows and toy soldiers on the balcony.

ILLUSTRATION BY RANDY COLEMAN

San Francisco Bay Times: In your opinion, how has the neighborhood changed, for better and for worse, over the past 4 decadesplus?

Dennis Ziebell: We have all built on t he shoulders of those who have gone before, and at the same time, continue to fight for the right and brought change for the better to this neighborhood and the City. I suppose it is a matter of perspective of what is worse or better, but in the long run, I think we have an amazing community and City leadership that lead to innovative thinking for getting things done and finding new solutions to some of our most important problems in the Castro and San Francisco.

PHOTO BY JENNIFER CHAN

n together a couple of months later and me a partner in the restaurant in 1978.

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PHOTO BY RINK

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CELEBRATING FOUR DECADES (1978–2018)

San Francisco Bay Times: Is Orphan Andy’s a legacy business? We checked the registry, and didn’t find you all there. Are you under consideration for legacy status? And please mention any other goals/plans that you have, looking ahead to 2019.

Dennis Ziebell: We are working on the Legacy designation and hope that 2019 will be another great year, thanks to our wonderful employees and customers who are the heart and soul of Orphan Andy’s!

Orphan Andy’s is at 3991 17th Street in the heart of the Castro, across the street from Jane Warner Plaza. The phone number is 415864-9795. Facebook: https://bit.ly/2FUqzoI

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Sister Dana Sez: Words of Wisdumb from a Fun Nun

Sister Dana sez, “Congratulations and cheers to the brave firefighters for finally containing the California wildfires!”

Forty years ago, Supervisor Harvey Milk was shot five times and succumbed to his wounds inside San Francisco City Hall. As one of the first openly LGBTQ elected officials in U.S. history, Harvey Milk’s life and death became a stirring symbol of the LGBTQ movement’s determination to secure equality through political representation in government.

Forty years later, 596 openly LGBTQ leaders are in elected office nationwide, a testament to Harvey’s impact and legacy.

THE HARVEY MILK LGBTQ DEMOCRATIC CLUB in partnership with Supervisor Rafael Mandelman’s office held their annual vigil in honor of slain Supervisor Harvey Milk and Mayor George Moscone. On November 27 in Harvey Milk Plaza, at 7 pm, members of the San Francisco Gay Men’s Chorus opened the ceremony performing “Singing for Our Lives.”

There followed reflections from Tom Ammiano, Harry Britt, Gwenn Craig, Carol Ruth Silver, Cleve Jones, Anne Kronenberg, Danny Nicoletta, Medora Payne, Debra Jones and Michael Wong. About an hour later, the crowd marched to City Hall, where we were welcomed

by Mayor London Breed. Unfortunately, the scheduled speakers could not speak due to rain. So, we missed all this: reflections on George Moscone by Willie Brown, Jr.; and words on the movement that Milk founded in today’s context from Milk Board Presidents Carolina Morales & Honey Mahogany, Supervisor Rafael Mandelman, DCCC Chairman David Campos, Persia, Felicia Flames Elizondo, Donna Personna and queer labor speakers Jessica Etheridge and Brandy McDaniel. Instead, Cleve Jones called for a moment of silence, and sent us all energized to our homes.

Donna Sachet’s SONGS OF THE SEASON, benefiting PRC (formerly Positive Resource Center), returned with a new line-up of talent, curated by Brian Kent on November 26, 27 and 28 at Feinstein’s at the Nikko Hotel, a legendary venue. The show delivered (as usual with Donna’s events) an evening filled with a variety of locally and international16

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LISTEN UP! VOICES OF AIDS ACTIVISM was hosted by THE GLBT HISTORICAL SOCIETY on November 29 at the GLBT museum in the Castro. This was the first public showing of video interviews from the GLBT Historical Society’s ongoing San Francisco ACT UP ORAL HISTORY PROJECT documenting the history of direct-action AIDS activism in the Bay Area. The full videos will eventually be made available to researchers and will form the basis of an exhibition in the society’s museum, providing new insights into the contributions of activists as LGBTQ people and people with AIDS fought against the epidemic and the lethally slow response of the government. Executive Director Terry Beswick introduced current project manager Eric Sneathen, who facilitated a lively discussion after the screenings and video clips were shown. Particularly capturing my attention was reliving that horrible “Castro Sweep of 1989” when we ACT UP protesters were being harassed and clubbed and arrested under what the police chief called Martial Law. I was not allowed to return to my home just half a block away. Ugly.

Sister Dana and Sister Kitty delivered the annual Blessing of the Tree during the Castro Merchants Association’s Tree Lighting Ceremony on the evening of November 25.

On November 29, Senator Scott Wiener (D-San Francisco) announced his intent to re-introduce a bill to exempt compassionate care programs from paying state commercial cannabis taxes when they are providing free medical cannabis to financially disadvantaged people living with serious health conditions. Well, it’s high time!

Sister Dana sez, “If Jack Frost is nipping at your nose, go inside these venues for these events, and enjoy the warmth within!”

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Earlier at 5 pm, the Nasser family and the Castro Theatre had shown an encore presentation of Robert Epstein’s The Times of Harvey Milk free of admission to the general public.

CASTRO MERCHANTS ANNUAL HOLIDAY TREE LIGHTING took place quite merrily on November 26 at the Rainbow Tree in front of Bank of America at Castro & 18th Streets. It was emceed by Donna Sachet and featured Holiday Music and a Sing-Along led by members of the San Francisco Lesbian/Gay Freedom Band, San Francisco Gay Men’s Chorus, Lesbian/Gay Chorus of San Francisco and Golden Gate Men’s Chorus. There were remarks from special guests from City Hall and other local dignitaries, including Castro Merchants President Daniel Bergerac, Senator Scott Wiener, Supervisor Rafael Mandelman, SF District Attorney George Gascon and a rousing Blessing and Response by The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence. Then, Santa and his Elf lit the Tree.

Candy canes were distributed to the kiddies by Mr. Claus and his very cute elf. The night concluded with (naturally) “Oh Christmas Tree” by the choruses and audience singing, followed by “We Wish You a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.”

So, believe it or not, the holidaze are here, queer!

PHOTO BY PAUL MARGOLIS

By Sister Dana Van Iquity

ly recognized and spirited entertainers; all determined to usher us into the joy and excitement of the holiday season. We smiled, laughed, applauded and even shed a nostalgic tear or two as a talented group of performers and friends joined Brian Kent in sharing the magic that is Donna Sachet’s Songs of the Season. Performers in the three-night spectacular included Donna Sachet (of course); Brian Kent, Billboard recording artist; Franchie Davis, American Idol; David Hernandez, American Idol (Monday & Tuesday); Leanne Borghesi, NY/SF theater & cabaret artist; Effie Passero, American Idol (Monday & Tuesday); Breanna Sinclaire, opera singer (Wednesday only); Kenny Nelson, singer/songwriter; Kippy Marks, electric violinist; and Dan O’Leary, SF vocalist and actor.

Dennis McMillan (aka Sister Dana) held a memorial candle ready to be placed among others lighting up the Circle of Friends at the National AIDS Memorial Grove during the Light in the Grove gala held annually on the evening of November 30 just prior to World AIDS Day, December 1.

The hilarious 1930s pastiche musical DAMES AT SEA is now on deck through December 16 at San Francisco’s Gateway Theatre, 215 Jackson Street (formerly the Eureka Theatre). This is 42nd Street Moon’s production. (continued on page 24)

10 Things You Will Hear Me Say as a Coach Take Me Home with You! During a Workout only get sick when I’m in the vicinity of getting sick; it has nothing to do with you.

9. I must really believe in arthritis, though, as I’m heading for a hip replacement.

If you’ve been reading this column for a while, then you know that I am going to have a hip replacement soon. Better health days are coming!

10. Relax and be in the moment.

I know that we are more than our physical bodies. I know that we came here to experience life in all of its glorious ups and downs. I know that every cloud has a silver lining and I look for, and find, silver linings continuously.

Cinder Ernst

PHOTO BY PAUL MARGOLIS

I remember hearing in a marketing class one time that you should write down the ten things you say to most of your clients, repeatedly, and make it a handout. Here we go.

2. Tired or sleepy?

It is amazing how many people answer with the word “tired.” To me, tired and sleepy are two different conditions and point to two different feelbetter pathways. Notice this difference for yourself.

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We need this information to create the best workout. I always guarantee that my folks will feel better when they leave the gym than when they arrived. We need a starting point.

Pre-determined plans are not always appropriate. We start from where you are and take it from there. Be current.

If you felt bad yesterday, but are doing okay today, keep the forward momentum.

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1. How do you feel today?

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Easy Fitness

Cinder Ernst, Medical Exercise Specialist and Life Coach Extraordinaire, helps reluctant exercisers get moving with safe, effective and fun programs.

Her book, “Easy Fitness for the Reluctant Exerciser” ( https://bit.ly/2D6itYo), is available in paperback and E-book. She specializes in fitness and rehab for plus-size clients, but her stress-free approach is suitable for all. Find out more at http://cinderernst.com

Happy dogs joined their adults along with a gathering of youngsters at the annual Holiday Tree Lighting Ceremony hosted by the Castro Merchants Association. At the San Francisco Bay Times, members of our team cherish their dogs, cats and more during the Holiday Season and all year long.

Diego

“My name is Diego! I’m a shagg y two-year-old who loves to cuddle! I enjoy spending lots of time with my favorite people, and I’m hoping to find a quiet home where snuggles happen on a regular basis. I can’t get enough! When I’m not cuddled up, I enjoy mellow walks around the neighborhood and hanging at my favorite parks. Let’s go play together!”

Diego is presented to San Francisco Bay Times readers by Dr. Jennifer Scarlett, the SF SPCA’s Co-President. Our thanks also go to Krista Maloney for helping to get the word out about lovable pets like Diego.

To meet Diego and other pets seeking their forever homes, please visit: San Francisco SPCA Mission Campus 250 Florida Street San Francisco, CA 94103 415-5223500 Dr. Jennifer Scarlett and Pup Aside from major holidays, the adoption center is open Mon–Fri: 1–6 pm and Sat–Sun: 10 am–5 pm. Free parking is available for those wishing to adopt! For more info, please visit https://www.sfspca.org/adoptions

3. Is that easy, medium or hard?

I ask this question so that we can determine what’s next. Stretches should always feel small/easy to medium. A tired person does not need to work harder than medium. This question also keeps my client tuned into their body’s signals. This is a good skill to foster: listen to your body.

4. How many do you want to do?

I often work with beginners or exercise non-enthusiasts, and yet most of my clients will pick a number that is perfectly challenging and do it. It just feels different for you to make the decision and go for it than for me to be pushing.

5. Be easy about that.

I always look to soothe the people with whom I’m interacting. So many people beat themselves up for so many reasons. Beating yourself up is the best way to slow down what you are wanting. Whatever it is, be easy about it and take it from there.

6. Stop it!

You will hear me saying that when you are being self-critical. Negative energy will slow you down. Stay positive and remain focused on your goals.

7. Oh, I don’t watch the news.

Watching the national news these days can be such a downer. Talk about beating yourself up! I stopped engaging with the news 25 years ago.

I haven’t missed anything yet. What good is being fit if your well-being is screwed up by watching current events or reliving history that feels bad? Tune yourself to know when you are feeling satisfied. You are of no use to anyone if you are feeling bad.

8. I don’t believe in germs.

That is what I say when people worry about giving me something. I don’t believe that you can give me a cold. I S AN F R ANC IS C O BAY T IM ES

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holiday arts preview A Christmas Carol

Christmas Revels 2018

Michael Feinstein, A Holly Jolly Holiday

Saturnalia

A Noh Christmas Carol

DECEMBER Night Bloom – A Light and Sound Experience December 2–January 6 Conservatory of Flowers 100 John F. Kennedy Drive San Francisco Night Bloom is a five-week light, art and sound exhibition with installations dispersed throughout the Conservatory of Flowers. Just under one mile of walking is required to experience every eye-catching element. Visitors may repeat the walk as many times as they like. https://conservatoryofflowers.org/nightbloom/ American Conservatory Theater – A Christmas Carol December 6–29 A.C.T.’s Geary Theater 415 Geary Street San Francisco Featuring a lively cast of dozens, delightful music, gorgeous costumes and those deliciously spooky ghosts, one of the Bay Area’s favorite holiday traditions returns as American Conservatory Theater presents its celebrated production of the Charles Dickens classic A Christmas Carol. Now in the theater’s 42nd year of presenting the holiday classic, this version that is adapted by Paul Walsh and Carey Perloff stays true to the heart of Dickens’ timeless story of redemption and brings a playful sensibility to his rich language. http://www.act-sf.org Michael Feinstein – A Holly, Jolly Holiday December 6–9 Feinstein’s at the Nikko 222 Mason Street San Francisco Known as the ambassador of the Great American Songbook, Michael Feinstein is a five-time Grammy nominee who has twice been nominated for Emmy awards for his popular PBS specials. Now he brings his powerful pipes, dapper looks and onstage charm to Feinstein’s at the Nikko (the intimate nightclub that bears his name as part owner) in San Francisco with a special show celebrating the magic of the season.

During A Holly, Jolly Holiday, the quintessential crooner will perform holiday favorites, as well as beloved standards from the Great American Songbook. http://www.feinsteinsatthenikko.com

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Saturnalia! A Raunchy Circus Christmas December 7, 8, 14, 15, 21, 22 Shelton Theater 533 Sutter Street San Francisco

San Francisco Gay Men’s Chorus: Brassy and Sassy December 7–8 Nourse Theater 275 Hayes Street San Francisco Brassy and Sassy is an all-new holiday show featuring artistic director and San Francisco Bay Times columnist Dr. Tim Seelig and the 250 men of the Chorus plus special guest, acclaimed coloratura soprano Marnie Brekenridge. Backed by a brass quintet, the Chorus will present a program of favorite holiday songs with special twists. The show will also be presented at the Freight & Salvage Coffeehouse in Berkeley on Sunday, December 9, and at the Green Music Center in Rohnert Park on Sunday, December 16. http://www.sfgmc.org Hanukkah Shabbatikah Fryday December 7 JCCSF 3200 California Street San Francisco The JCCSF will host its annual Hanukkah Shabbat celebration, inviting guests of all ages to gather together to light the menorah and Shabbat candles. Guests will celebrate the miracle of Hanukkah, and the end of the work week with special drinks, food and live music. http://www.jccsf.org Theatre of Yugen – A Noh Christmas Carol December 7–30 Theatre of Yugen 2840 Mariposa Street San Francisco Theatre of Yugen’s beloved adaptation of A Noh Christmas Carol utilizes the traditional Japanese theatre forms of Noh, Kyogen, Kabuki and the avant-garde dance form Butoh to retell the Dickens classic. Ebezo Sukurooji (Ebenezer Scrooge) receives a visit from his deceased business partner Jakube Mashima ( Jacob Marley), warning him to change his miserly ways or be doomed to linger forever as a hungry ghost. Sukurooji is taken on a wondrous journey by the spirits of Christmas Past, Present and Yet-to-Come, to remind him of the value of life beyond business and profit. http://www.theatreofyugen.org

“Bow & Arror: A Circus Theatre Collective” returns after a smashing success last winter with the raunchy circus cabaret. The Cartier sisters are throwing their second annual circus solstice party, but when a spell goes wrong, light battles dark and the world is thrown topsy turvy. Get ready for a holiday show like no other.

The eclectic circus-theater cabaret at San Francisco’s Shelton Theater is inspired by the Pagan origins of Christmas traditions and features pole dance, comedy, contortion, a live rock band, sword fighting and more. http://sheltontheater.org Dance Along Nutcracker – San Francisco Lesbian/Gay Freedom Band December 8–9 Yerba Buena Center for the Arts 700 Howard Street (at 3rd Street) San Francisco Each year, the San Francisco Lesbian/Gay Freedom Band blends Tchaikovsky’s classic Nutcracker Suite with a fun theme. The result: a memorable musical production brimming with wit, artistry and ingenuity. The talented cast sings and dances their way through the performance, and when the “Dance-Along” sign flashes, the audience is invited to tug on their tutus and sashay along with the cast. Even audience members who don’t want to dance have a blast! For 2018, the theme is Clara Potter and the Elder Baton, so grab your owl and a broom and go back to school at Fogwarts, an exclusive school for those with extraordinary magical and musical talent. Join Clara Potter and her friends on a fun-filled musical adventure, featuring secret riddles, an evil school board, kazoos, a three-ish headed dog and more music and dancing than you can shake a wand at. http://www.sfglfb.org Christmas Revels 2018: Ancient Mysteries of Andalusian Spain December 8–9, 14–16 Scottish Rite Center 1547 Lakeside Drive Oakland The Revels story begins in 1600 in Andalusia, Spain. Three individuals—a young Moorish woman, a Sephardic Jew and a Castilian scullery maid—happen to meet, each armed with a (continued on page 19)

LEADING MAN VH1 reality show RuPaul’s Drag Race included this transgender model in its Season 10 pit crew: A) Aydian Dowling

B) Laith Ashley

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C) Phoenix

D) Leo Sheng

Karin Jaffie, aka Kit/Kitty Tapata, won the title of Mr. Gay San Francisco in 2011 and has earned many other honors since.

Connect with Jaffie via Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/pg/ktapata

Brian Wilson Kim Nalley

Smuin

mysterious clue that is guiding them on a quest. They are all hoping to find their way back through time to the era of La Convivencia, a time when, as they understand it, those who are Muslim, Jewish and Christian lived in a spirit of tolerance and peace.

Directed to pay attention to the celestial bodies, and swept up in the Revels celebration of the Solstice, they learn how each culture celebrates the Sun, the Moon and the stars in song, dance, poetry and story. By looking to the heavens, they learn the secret of finding the Convivencia. They come to realize that, despite the things that make each of us different and unique, in the end, we all live under the same sky. http://www.californiarevels.org/ REAF’s Help Is on the Way for the Holidays XVII December 10 Marines’ Memorial Theatre 609 Sutter Street San Francisco The Richmond/Ermet Aid Foundation’s annual concert and gala, benefiting Project Open Hand and PRC, is a holiday season tradition featuring a program rich in talent and followed by an After Party at Clift Royal Sonestra Hotel. Included on the program are Grammy award-winning star of Broadway Maureen McGovern, America’s Got Talent’s Shawn Ryan, Tonynominated cabaret star Sharon McNight, jazz diva Paul West, cast members from Bay Area Musical’s Crazy for You and more. http://www.reaf.org Smuin’s The Christmas Ballet December 13–14 Yerba Buena Center for the Arts 700 Howard Street (at 3rd Street) San Francisco Smuin’s signature holiday program, The Christmas Ballet, is like a festive box of chocolates. While each season marks the return of many audience favorites from founder Michael Smuin, the Company looks forward to surprising audiences with new works every winter. Since its debut in 1995, no two productions of The Christmas Ballet have been exactly alike. Over the years, Michael Smuin choreographed a total of 52 works, and 15 different choreographers have been invited to create original pieces to add to The Christmas Ballet’s repertoire. As the Company celebrates its 25th anniversary season, Company dancer Erica Felsch and former Smuin dancer Rex Wheeler will each be presenting new ballets for the production. In addition to the return of some beloved Michael Smuin works, these two world premieres will appear opposite each other in Act I and Act II: “The Classical Christmas” and “The Cool Christmas.” http://www.smuinballet.org Kim Nalley – Gospel Christmas December 16 Feinstein’s at the Nikko 222 Mason Street San Francisco Internationally-acclaimed jazz and blues singer Kim Nalley has twice been awarded as being San Francisco’s Best Jazz Singer. She has numerous acting credits and her CDs have charted in the Jazz Top 20. She will be accompanied by organist and composer Tammy Hall, one of the most in-demand musicians in the Bay Area.

A classically trained musician and church pianist, she has a unique style fusing Jazz, Gospel and Classical. http://www.feinsteinsatthenikko.com The Hip Hop Nutcracker: A Holiday Mashup December 21, 22, 28 & 29 Fox Theatre 2215 Broadway Street Redwood City Peninsula Ballet presents this new holiday classic.

Tchaikovsky music still reigns supreme with several new twists and re-imaginings brought to life by

choreographers Alee Martinez and Issac “Stuck” Sanders. Co-founders and directors of The Tribe and Poise’n, both Martinez and Sanders have a rich dance and hip hop history. They mix the iconic pieces of the story and Tchaikovsky’s score (with some added twists) and create explosive hip-hop dance. http://www.peninsulaballet.org/hip-hop-nutcracker Brian Wilson Presents The Christmas Album Live December 22 Luther Burbank Center for the Arts 50 Mark West Springs Road Santa Rosa Brian Wilson, who wrote some of the greatest tunes in American pop music as a founding member of The Beach Boys, performs The Christmas Album in its entirety at the Luther Burbank Center for the Arts.

Fans can expect to hear Beach Boy classics “Little Saint Nick,” “The Man with All the Toys” and a selection of Wilson’s favorite Yuletide songs including “Blue Christmas” and “Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town.”

Joined by longtime bandmates Al Jardine and Blondie Chaplin, the performance will also include cuts from Wilson’s critically acclaimed solo Christmas album All I Really Want for Christmas and other holiday fan favorites. http://www.lutherburbankcenter.org Oakland Ballet Company’s The Nutcracker Saturday, December 22 Paramount Theatre 2025 Broadway Oakland Fly away to an enchanted Land of Sweets when Oakland Ballet Company’s annual performance of Graham Lustig’s The Nutcracker returns to the Paramount Theatre. Set to Tchaikovsky’s brilliant score, audiences of all ages will fall in love with the classic holiday tale of a young girl who experiences a truly enchanted winter evening after receiving the gift of a Nutcracker for Christmas. Oakland Ballet’s colorful and spritely version of this Christmas spectacular is filled with dynamic dancing, gorgeous costumes and lovely sets, making it a beloved Bay Area tradition that should not be missed. http://www.paramounttheatre.com 26th Annual King Pao Kosher Comedy December 23–25 New Asia Restaurant 772 Pacific Avenue San Francisco Described as “Jewish Comedy on Christmas in a Chinese Restaurant,” the show, created by comedian Lisa Geduldig, has evolved into a treasured annual outing for all. The program for 2018 is headlined

by Seinfeld writer Carol Leifer and also features Vietnamese-Jewish comic Joseph Nguyen, New Yorker Jordan Ferber and host Geduldig, plus a menu of Chinese favorites. Partial proceeds benefit Jewish Family & Community Services East Bay – Refugee & Immigrant Services and Bend the Arc: A Jewish Partnership for Justice. http://www.koshercomedy.com Home for the Holidays – San Francisco Gay Men’s Chorus December 24 Castro Theatre 429 Castro Street San Francisco The Christmas Eve tradition that began in 1990 continues with the annual show created originally to bring the holidays home to those who had none. This night of joyous music and heartwarming festivities includes three performances to choose from at 5 pm, 7 pm and 9 pm. http://www.sfgmc.org

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Alberto Fuguet Dishes on His Sensational and Sexy Queer Thriller Cola de Mono Cola de Mono then jumps to thirteen years later, with an erotic episode in a bathhouse that echoes the film’s earlier themes involving sexuality and violence. Fuguet, a Chilean author-turnedfilmmaker, chatted via Skype with me for the San Francisco Bay Times about his stunning film that pushes boundaries and stretches the genre limits.

Film Gary M. Kramer Cola de Mono, now out on DVD and available for streaming, is out gay writer/director Alberto Fuguet’s sensational and sexually explicit genre film about two brothers in Chile. It is Christmas Eve, 1986, and Borja (Cristóbal Rodríguez-Costabal) and Vicente (Santiago Rodrígez-Costabal, Cristóbal’s real-life brother), each are discovering their queer sexuality.

After dinner with their mother (Carmina Riego), Vicente heads out to go cruising in a park. Meanwhile, Borja gets drunk and breaks into his brother’s bedroom, where he puts on a jockstrap and looks at dirty magazines. Things come to a head when Vicente returns.

Gary M. Kramer: You feature American movie posters, books and objects from t he 1980s throughout Cola de Mono. Can you discuss your inspirations for this film?

Alberto Fuguet: When I was 14–17, I was let in to movies like Carrie, where I had fun. I was scared and enjoyed them fully. They were cinema. DePalma was better than Richard Attenborough. Stephen King resonated in a repressed Catholic society, because under the dictatorship in Chile in the 1980s, things went bump in the night here without devils or ghosts. Even though I saw genre films, they were talking to me. I could relate to Keith Gordon or Carrie—the weirdo or misfit. And whenever there was a naked guy. But let’s not get too intellectual. It was pure pleasure.

Gary M. Kramer: Can you talk about the sexual tension in the film?

Alberto Fug uet: C ola de Mono is about male intimacy. I always felt that when you see men like Rusty James in Rumble

Fish, the guys in The Outsiders, or the brothers in East of Eden, that you can get a lot of intimacy. Papillion is very homoerotic. Fights between males involve skin contact—especially guys fighting in their underwear or in the shower. For a gay guy like me, who has only sisters, I lost that possibility of borrowing a brother’s t-shirt and the homoeroticism and intimacy of that. Gay doesn’t only mean having sex with guys. Like you, Gary, I’m more romantic. But part of the turnon of films about men who are friends

(continued on page 24)

Two Entertaining New LGBT Books to Gift to Yourself and Others This Holiday Season phen McCauley’s novels. The hero, Gilbert Eugene Rose, is a gay tenor and his sidekick, Gal Friday, is a lesbian. One afternoon while I was sitting on my deck, Gil arrived, or rather his voice/persona wafted in and insisted that I rush to my computer, which thankfully I did.

Words Michele Karlsberg Michele Karlsberg: Laury A. Eagan, author of Fabulous! An Opera Buffa, and Hilary Zaid, author of Paper is White, are featured in this issue of the San Francisco Bay Times. I asked these talented authors to discuss their main characters, inspirations and more.

Laury A. Eagan: I wrote my first poem at age seven, a novel at thirteen and short stories in high school.

During these early days, writing was a way to explore who I was and to entertain myself during a lonely childhood. In the last twenty years, the compulsion to create has intensified and is now a full-time occupation.

Quite simply, I write because I must write.

Laury A. Egan 20

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My newest book Fabulous! is a divertissement that shares an aesthetic with Joe Keenan and Ste-

He’s a wonderful guy: funny, sweet and determined to succeed on the opera stage and find romance. Gil is hired to sing soprano in a Mozart opera and tenor in Rigoletto, plus perform Handel for a dangerous mobsterette who is the arch-enemy of one of the producers.

In order to survive, Gil invents multiple identities and disguises, and is often aflutter in heels, dresses and wigs. His comic adventures are a welcome antidote to our depressing times.

Laury A. Egan is the author of “The Outcast Oracle,” “Fog and Other Stories,” “Jenny Kidd” and four limitededition poetry collections. For more information: www.lauryaegan.com Hilary Zaid: I’ve always experienced writing as a congenital affair, a desire of the brain to create and find solace in the creation of language.

Like being queer, it’s essential to who I am. And possibly the two aren’t unrelated: growing up queer meant, for me, growing up with secrets, and the quiet darkness of silence is fertile ground for stories to grow.

Paper is White is a story about silences; when my narrator Ellen Margolis and her girlfriend Francine decide to get married in 1997, Ellen finds herself pulled toward an assimilationist Jewish immigrant tradition at odds with her kiss-in/protest-marching, Queer Nation-alumna identity.

Ellen’s a funny character, addicted to baking cookies and willing to trail old ladies through the supermarket, in search of a blessing she often trips over herself to receive. It’s ultimately through her clandestine relationship with a deeply secretive Holocaust survivor named Anya that Ellen navigates her dilemma.

Along the way, Ellen becomes not just a historian of the Holocaust, but also a historian of our own times, a chronicler of the days just before marriage equality. When it’s still quite rare to see a lesbian protagonist in a work of literary fiction, Ellen tells a story about the 1990s here in the Bay Area, sparkling with humor and with a determination that our lives will not be erased.

I wrote this novel for readers like her.

Hilary Zaid is the author of “Paper is White,” which has been named “One of the 9 Best LGBT Novels to Look Out for” by the U.K. Hilary Zaid “Independent.”

Her short fiction has appeared in publications including “Lilith Magazine,” “The Southwest Review,” “The Santa Monica Review” and “The Utne Reader.” She lives in the Bay Area with her family. www.paperiswhite.com Michele Karlsberg Marketing and Management specializes in publicity for the LGBTQI community. This year, Karlsberg celebrates thirty years of successful book campaigns.

COMING UP

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LGBTQ News & Calendar for the Bay Area

CELEBRATING FOUR DECADES (1978–2018)

Compiled by Blake Dillon

Drag Queens on Ice returns on Thursday, December 6, to the Holiday Ice Rink with our own Donna Sachet as emcee, 8-9:30pm. You can learn to skate at this Union Square rink by attending any of the upcoming free Learn to Skate lessons presented by Kaiser Permanente on December 8, 9, 15, 16, 22, 23, 29 and 30 plus more dates in January. http://www.unionsquareicerink.com

CALENDAR OF UPCOMING EVENTS http://sfbaytimes.com/

6 Thursday MARCUM Women’s Forum Strength, Health, Influence @ The Ritz-Carlton, 600 Stockton Street. Chelsea Clinton is the keynote speaker at this annual event that also features Claudia Fan Munce, Jeanne Rizzo and more.

8am. https://bit.ly/2Ec8osR We Built a Movement From Books @ GLBT History Museum, 4127 18th Street. A panel discussion will address the impetus books gave to the lesbian and gay movement in the 1970s with the explosion of bookstores, publishing houses, organizational libraries and literature courses during the years between Stonewall and the AIDS crisis. 7-9pm. http://www.glbthistory.org Mary Lou’s Apartment Concert & Dance @ Ashkenaz, 1317 San Pablo Avenue, Berkeley.

The highly rated all women “compact big band” will perform.

8pm. http://www.ashkenaz.com Gays ’N Friends on Ice 2018 @ Union Square Ice Ring, 333 Post Street. Immediately prior to the Drag Queens on Ice performance, this event includes the chance to skate on the ice and attend a mixer

at a local pub to watch the show together at 8pm. 6-9:30pm. https://bit.ly/2QxFlFT Charles Lloyd & The Marvels with Lucinda Williams @ Zellerbach Hall, 101 Zellerbach Hall, #4800, Berkeley.

Cal Performances presents folkrock pioneer Lucinda Williams appearing with the iconoclast saxophonist and NEA Jazz Master Charles Lloyd who is celebrating his 80th year. 8pm. http://calperformances.org Mary Gauthier @ Freight & Salvage, 2020 Addison Street, Berkeley. Self described “country noir” singer-songwriter Mary Gauthier brings her emotionally complex songs to The Freight.

8pm. http://www.thefreight.org

7 Friday Mike Pierce Art Show @ Spark Arts, 4229 18th Street.

Sponsored by Art Saves Lives, artist Mike Pierce will be showing his scarves and other wearable silk creations as part of a larger show.

6:30-9pm. https://bit.ly/2Q8UnlY Big LGBTQ Mixer for Equality @ Lyft Headquarters,

180 Berry Street. Equality Federation hosts a mixer for LGBTQ tech professionals, artists, nonprofit leaders and more.

6-8:45pm. http://www.equalityfederation.org San Francisco Gay Men’s Chorus’ Brassy & Sassy @ Nourse Theater, 275 Hayes Street.

Dr. Tim Seelig and the Chorus present their annual holiday show with a full spectrum of holiday revelry. 8pm-10:30pm and also on December 8, 2:30 and 8pm. http://www.sfgmc.org The Importance of Being Earnest @ Phoenix Theatre, 414 Mason Street. The Ninjaz of Drama production of Oscar Wilde’s classic comic take on Victorian manners and morals is set in 60s Mod London. Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays through December 16. http://www.phoenixtheatresf.org A History of World War II: The D-Day Invasion to the Fall of Berlin @ The Marsh San Francisco, 1062 Valencia Street. Written and performed

by Theatre Rhino’s John Fisher, the show includes the history plus Fisher’s take on the generals who fought the battles and the actors who played them in the movies.

Continues through December 15. http://www.themarsh.org

8 Saturday

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University, 328 Lomita Drive at Museum Way, Stanford. The exhibit includes never before seen photographs representing the range of Warhol’s black-and-white work from 1976 until his death in 1987. Continues through January 9. http://www.museum.stanford.edu

Milk Club Annual Holigay Fête @ The STUD, 399 9th Street. Bid adieu to 2018 with a celebration of recent victories at this annual party where food will be provided, cash bar cocktails will flow, a photo booth will snap your pose and a bit of work will be done as the Club’s Board nominations are addressed. 4-8pm. http://www.milkclub.org

You Sa Ho Bingo with Holotta & Saki @ Club 1220, 1220 Pine Street, Walnut Creek.

Drag Bingo hosted by Holotta Tymes and Saki Samora. 7pm. https://bit.ly/2rkdMS4

9 Sunday Santa Skivvies Run 2018 @ Lookout, 3600 16th Street. The run is a festive romp through the Castro benefiting San Francisco AIDS Foundation. All are welcome.

9am check in; 10:15am opening ceremony:10:30 run begins. http://www.santaskivviesrun.org Help Fire Survivors: LGBTQ Aid-Donate Supplies and Funds @ Jane Warner Plaza, 401 Castro Street. Local LGBTQ groups are raising funds and collecting supplies for delivery to affected areas. 10am-5pm and also on December 15. http://www.rainbowfund.org

The Big Penny Drive Finale @ Jane Warner Plaza, 401 Castro Street. Organizer Kelly Rivera Hart invites all to the finale of a 31-year run that began in 1987 when a local bartender put out a jar and invited others to help out people with AIDS. Funds have supported AIDS Emergency Fund and PRC. 12-3pm. http://www.prcsf.org

World AIDS Day Open Mic & Screening of Rent @ Oakland LGBTQ Community Center, 3207 Lakeshore Avenue, Oakland. Cohosts Jai Yee and Kin Folkz will welcome guests to this event presented as part of the QTPOC Sunday Matinee series. 1-4pm. http://www.oaklandlgbtqcenter.org

33rd Annual Christmas Revels @ Scottish Rite Theater, 1547 Lakeside Drive. Ancient Mysteries of Andalusian Spain is the theme of this year’s Revels, bringing a tale of the days when Muslim, Jewish and Christian cultures lived in a spirit of tolerance and peace.

1pm & 8pm, and also on December 9, 14, 15 & 16. http://www.californiarevels.org

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Dance Along Nutcracker® @ Yerba Buena Center for the Arts, 701 Mission Street. San Francisco Lesbian/Gay Freedom Band’s annual tale of Clara, featuring classic songs where audience members join in by dancing along in their costumes, tutus, street civvies or surprise outfits. 3pm and 8pm and also on December 9 at 11am. https://bit.ly/2rmq3Wi

REAF’s Help Is on the Way for the Holidays XVII @ Marines Memorial Theatre, 609 Sutter Street. Richmond/Ermet Aid Foundation presents their annual holiday cabaret with a line-up of stars and an After Party not to be missed at the Clift Royal Sonesta Hotel. http://www.reaf.org

Keith Haring: The Boy Who Just Kept Drawing @ SF LGBT Center, 1800 Market Street. DJs will spin tunes and drag queen 22

Honey Mahogany will tell stories joining author Kay Haring who will present, sign and discuss her new book about her famous late brother. This free event will also include an art sale and fashion show. 12-4pm. https://bit.ly/2E2SbWa

The Future of Journalism with Ezra Klein and Kara Swisher @ Manny’s, 3092 16th Street. New York Times columnist Swisher and Vox Founder Klein will discuss the future of journalism and how the current Presidency has affected the field. 6:30-8pm. http://www.welcometomannys.com

11 Tuesday Contact Warhol: Photography Without End @ Cantor Arts Center, Stanford

Covered California DropIn Hours @ Strut, 407 Castro Street. Bring your questions about health insurance and how Covered California can help pay for meds, therapy, surgeries and other medical needs. Open enrollment continues through January 15.

4-6pm. http://www.strutsf.org

12 Wednesday Discussion and Q&A on the Future of Work with Leila Janah @ Manny’s, 3092 16th Street. Janah will discuss the skills needed for continued employment as they shift rapidly and what can be done to make sure lowincome individuals and those from developing countries are not left out. 6:30-8pm. http://www.welcometomannys.com Stonewall: Damn, Daddy! @ Strut, 3rd Floor, 407 Castro Street. Real talk about getting older as a gay man. 2-3:30pm. http://www.strutsf.org

13 Thursday Not Another Candle!

Workshop on Easy DIY Holiday Gifts! @ Strut, 470 Castro Street. Attend the workshop to learn to make cheap gifts for the holidays. 5-8pm. http://www.strutsf.org Men’s Holiday Happy Hour with NCLR @ Virgil’s Sea Room, 3152 Mission Street. NCLR’s annual men’s evening of cocktails, bites and an update on issues. 6-8pm. events@nclrights.org Holiday Bazaar NightLIfe @ California Academy of Sciences, 55 Music Concourse Drive, Golden Gate Park. The evening includes a marketplace curated by SF Bazaar with treasures from dozens of local makers plus disco music on the outdoor ice rink at this annual edition of the ongoing NightLife series. 6pm. http://www.calacademy.org Smuin’s The Christmas Ballet @ Yerba Buena Center for the Arts, 701 Mission Street.

This “oh-so-delightful” Bay Area favorite show returns with

flawless classical ballet and redhot contemporary numbers plus the perfect combination of longtime favorites and thrilling new surprises. Continues through December 24. https://bit.ly/2L0uIGB

14 Friday Thank GAPA It’s Friday!

Ugly Sweater Happy Hour @ Beaux, 2344 Market Street.

The Social Committee of the Gay Asian Pacific Alliance invite you to wear your most festive spirit and your UGLIEST of sweaters in toasting 2018 a farethee-well amongst our family, friends, and allies at this monthly networking event. 6-9pm. http://www.gapa.org A Noh Christmas Carol @ NOHspace, 2840 Mariposa Street. Yugen’s adaptation uses the traditional Japanese theatre forms of noh, kyˉogen, kabuki, and the avant garde dance form butoh to retell the Dickens classic.79pm. http://www.theatreofyugen. org

Kin Folkz and Blackberri, the event provides a safe space for transformative collective self-care with the LGBTQIA2S and Authentic Ally commUnity. 7pm and every Tuesday. http://www.oaklandlgbtqcenter.org Sister Circle @ Openhouse, 55 Laguna. A monthly 4th Tuesday event for women-identified LGBTQ community members to make new connections in a luncheon setting.

12-1:30pm. sylvia@openhouse-sf.org Ginger’s Karaoke with DJ Shaggy @ Ginger’s, 86 Hardie Place. Every Tuesday everyone is a star, or wants to be, at this no judgement event where all are entertained with “the good the bad and the fab.” 8pm-1am. http://www.gingers.bar

19 Wednesday Dear Evan Hansen @ Curran, 445 Geary Street. The show, winner of six Tony Awards including Best Musical, has been called one of the most remarkable in musical theatre history. It’s the deeply personal story of a young man who is about to get the one thing he never dreamed he would have: a chance to fit in. 1-3:30pm.

Continues through December 30. http://www.sfcurran.com Mr. and Miss Golden Gate Gayme Night @ Brewcade SF, 2200 Market Street #B. This game night, held every 3rd Wednesday, benefits Strut. 7-10pm. http://www.brewcadesf.com

15 Saturday Mark Foehringer’s Nutcracker Sweets 10th Anniversary @ Fort Mason Cowell Theater, Marina Blvd. and Buchanan Street. This critically acclaimed production is a 50-minute version of the Nutcracker designed for families with young children. 11am, 1pm and 4pm also on December 16, 22 and 23. https://bit.ly/2rmOzX7 Alice Holiday Party @ To receive the address, RSVP to https://goo.gl/6pjFiq The event is the annual Holiday Party of the Alice B. Toklas LGBT Democratic Club. 2-4pm. Alice Holiday Party on Facebook Holiday Christmas Show/ School Supplies/Backpack Fundraiser @ White Horse Bar, 6551 Telegraph Avenue, Oakland. Join Jessica Avalon & the Court of Ladies Legends and Leaders for a Christmas Holiday Show and school supply backpack fundraiser. 5-9pm. http://www.whitehorsebar.com Stephanie Teel Band @ Redwood Cafe, 8240 Old Redwood Highway, Cotati. Rocker Stephanie Teel and her band will have the house dancing at this Pride Holiday Show. 8:30-11pm. http://www.stephanieteel.com

16 Sunday Movement in the US What Are We Fighting For @ Manny’s, 3092 16th Street.

Manny’s welcomes this discussion between NCLR’s Kate Kendell and Transgender Law Center’s Cecilia Chung. 6:30-8pm. https://bit.ly/2StRPeR

17 Monday SF Eagle Karaoke @ SF Eagle, 398 12th Street. The weekly event on Mondays is hosted by Beth Bicostal, Eduardo Wagar and Rahni Nothingmore. 9pm-1am. http://www.sf-eagle.com Holiday Text Drive VI: My (re)Gift to You @ Martuni’s, 4 Valencia Street. Alan Choy and Sean Patrick Murtagh will ring in the holidays by making fun of family through favorite songs.

Continues December 18 & 19.

7pm. Martuni’s on Facebook.

18 Tuesday Queer and Trans Open Mic @ Oakland LGBTQ Community Center, 3207 Lakeshore Avenue, Oakland. Presented by Spectrum Queer Media and hosted by S AN F R ANC IS C O BAY T IM ES

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ROSTOW (continued from page 9) South and getting away with murder, it seems. In one illustration, Stewart tweets a map of predicted snowfall with the caption: “UPDATE: Get ready for a pounding. Some of us could see 8 inches or more. That’s too much—even for me.”

KRAMER (continued from page 20) Grindr is owned by the Chinese gaming company Kunlun Group Limited.

Him Too

I guess Stewart is very popular and has won awards, so good for the bosses at wherever he works in Norfolk.

Either the people there are nicer than I thought, or we’ve come a long way, or both.

You’ve no doubt read about Eric Bauman, head of California’s Democratic Party, who has been forced out of office in a blizzard of nasty anecdotes and accusations. Bauman, who is gay, blamed alcohol for his constant sex talk and unwelcome provocations. Only a year into his current job, Bauman spent most of his career running the Democratic Party in Los Angeles County. The accusations of sexual abuse, generally making everyone uncomfortable, and heavyhanded bravado on the job run back many years.

Speaking of Grindr, Scott Chen, the relatively new president of the gay hookup app, wrote the other day that while he personally believes marriage is between a man and a woman, he will still boycott HTC, a conservative Chinese tech company.

Most observers pounced on the first part of that commitment, particularly Chen’s reference to “holy matrimony.”

So, what else is new? Checking my news list, I see there are a couple of mystery items that defy my ability to read my own writing. “Kustle girl?” Or maybe “Kiestle girl?”

“Days stay celebration?” As a rule, if something gets written down on the list, it’s worth a mention, so I feel as if I’m letting us down by abandoning these topics without a fight. But these scrawls defeat me.

“Some people think marriage is a holy matrimony between a man and a woman,” Chen said on Facebook.

“And I think so too.” After an outcry, Chen responded, calling himself a “huge advocate” for gay rights and insisting that, in fact, he does support gay marriage.

And apropos of nothing, did you see the picture of the giant steer who was too big for the slaughterhouse machines and was allowed to retire to a field in peace? “Knickers” is seven-years-old, lives in Australia and weighs 3,000 pounds. I love him and I relished his story, a bright flash of good news that lit the darkness of our dystopian politics for one lovely moment.

In another, the forecast map again shows snow ahead while Stewart comments: “THESE ARE NOT @ GRINDR INCHES. THESE ARE *ACTUAL* INCHES!”

“The reason I said marriage is a holy matrimony between a man and a woman is based on my own personal experience,” Chen “clarified.” “I am a straight man, married to a woman I love and I have two beautiful daughters I love from the marriage.”

Hmmm.

Knickers Prevails Again What do you suppose the Kustle girl was up to? Was she the one who was awarded an athletic scholarship after her parents disowned her for being gay? No, that was Emily Scheck, who

KIT’N KITTY’S

QUEER POP QUIZ ANSWER (Question on pg 18) B) Laith Ashley

Hunky transman Laith Ashley emerged on the scene in 2013 after legendary photographer Bruce Weber featured him in a campaign for Barney’s. Ashley also was a star model on the catwalk for Gypsy Sport during New York Fashion Week two years after his transition.

was allowed to benefit from a GoFundMe page after the NCAA initially said she would lose her eligibility to run track at Canisius College in Buffalo, New York.

Actually, this is a good one, and it has nothing to do with an athletic scholarship. Emily had just arrived at college when her parents found an incriminating photo and disowned her, driving up from Rochester with all of her possessions, which they stuffed in her car. They also took the car’s license plates, and ordered her never to speak to them or her siblings ever again.

After friends set up a donation page, the NCAA noticed it and told her she could not use any of the funds if she wanted to maintain her NCAA eligibility. Thankfully, the organization reversed itself, and meanwhile, GoFundMe raised $100,000 before Emily stopped the process, thanking her donors and explaining that she now had enough cash to proceed with her college plans.

Those parents have to be two of the most despicable people we’ve ever encountered in these pages, even taking into account some truly hostile enemies of our vibrant and lovable GLBTQLMNOP community. How incredibly horrid they seem.

I’m hard pressed to say whether my love for Knickers the steer is more powerful than my hatred for the Schecks. When I weigh the balance of my emotions after writing about these two, am I left with a slight excess of happiness? Or have the evil Schecks destroyed any shred of joy I might have retained from the valiant bovine?

“No” is the answer to that! Knickers restores my faith in the world.

was that the guys could cry and speak from the heart.

Gary M. K ramer: Borja is constantly told to grow up.

What prompted you to make this a coming of age story about an age where “everything is scary?”

Alberto Fuguet: I set it in the time when you are starving for information and stimulation and they are hard to get. Sexuality was forbidden, scary and risky. No one came out as gay then. Everything is known, but not spoken, which is a good premise for horror films. It’s a ghost story, in a way. There are a lot of ghosts. The mother wants sweet sons; she really wants her sons to wear revealing shorts, but never to touch themselves.

Gary M. K ramer: Cola de Mono features extended nudity and sexual expressions.

Are you using sex and skin to comment on repression?

Alberto Fuguet: Going back to DePalma’s films, he enjoyed women, their bodies and showed them empowered. I wanted to make a film where the actors, myself as the director and the public were not afraid of their bodies. I think a lot of movies that you see—even those catered to a gay audiences or festivals—are repressed. Actors can only be seen naked from the waist up. With my f ilm, some viewers get nervous, some get horny and some have never seen so many naked guys.

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Gary M. K ramer: You play with time in the film—not just in setting the two interconnected stories 13 years apart, but also in your editing. Can you discuss this approach to your storytelling?

Alberto Fuguet: If viewers are confused—don’t worry about it.

That comes out of Dressed to Kill.

This is a mix of an art film and a genre film. I wanted to make a mystery and reveal things, so it’s like solving a puzzle. Not knowing everything is sexy. It’s like learning about a guy. A little mystery is not bad. You can even keep an air of mystery about yourself even when you are fully naked. © 2018 Gary M. Kramer Gary M. Kramer is the author of “Independent Queer Cinema: Reviews and Interviews,” and the co-editor of “Directory of World Cinema: Argentina.” Follow him on Twitter @garymkramer

Gary M. Kramer: I don’t see the film as homophobic, but some might. How do you respond to that criticism?

arostow@aol.com

SISTER DANA (continued from page 16) It’s 42ND STREET meets ANYTHING GOES meets Busby Berkeley in Hollywood. It is a pearl of a show that opened Off-Broadway in 1968 and helped to launch the career of Bernadette Peters. Sweet, innocent Ruby arrives in New York with big dreams and lands in the chorus of a new show—but the theatre is about to be torn down! Can sailor-turned-songwriter Dick find a new venue for the show while juggling temperamental diva Mona, frazzled producer Hennesy, and starry-eyed ingénue Ruby? Full of vim, verve and tap-dancing, this show will charm its way into your heart. Tickets can be purchased through the Box Office at 415-255-8207 or online www.42ndstmoon.org In BRASSY & SASSY, the SAN FRANCISCO GAY MEN’S CHORUS welcomes guest star coloratura soprano Marnie Breckenridge (San Francisco Opera, English National Opera, Los Angeles Opera), who will bring her own sass and class to the stage. Along with a brilliant brass quintet, there will be everything from glorious classical fare to swing to big band sounds.

And a few new twists on holiday classics. Sing along with your favorites and delight in the breathtaking sound of men’s voices performing everything from “Silver Bells” to “Sleigh Ride,” and a striking rendition of “Silent Night.” Join the fun as SFGMC brings the holiday spirit to life.

December 7 & 7 at Nourse Theatre, 275 Hayes Street. https:// bit.ly/2FX7xOz Golden Girls Live: The Christmas Episodes returns to the Victoria Theatre, 2961 16th Street, now through December 23. The holidays are on their way and the Girls are back!

Take four talented drag performers, cast them in two Xmas episodes of the uproarious TV show The Golden Girls, and you have the perfect holiday event for the entire family. In what has become a yearly tradition, this drag send-up and loving tribute to the characters the entire world

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Alberto Fuguet: The film is not homophobic. I’m not conveying sex is dangerous, or that you get punished if you’re horny. In this genre, those things happened. Even Call Me by Your Name says love is dangerous and you could get hurt. There’s a scene in Cola de Mono where a character has a cute boyfriend, and they have an intimate scene when he’s comforted by him.

has come to know and love, features local drag stars: Heklina (Dorothy), Matthew Martin (Blanche), D’Arcy Drollinger (Rose) and Holotta Tymes (Sophia). https://bit.ly/2ASS3Fc The annual DANCE-ALONG NUTCRACKER is Saturday, December 8, 3 pm & 7 pm; Sunday, December 9, 11 am & 3 pm at Yerba Buena Center for the Arts Forum, 701 Mission Street. Each year, the SAN FRANCISCO LESBIAN/GAY FREEDOM BAND blends Tchaikovsky’s classic Nutcracker Suite with a fun theme. The result: a fun-filled musical production brimming with wit, artistry and ingenuity. The talented cast sings and dances their way through a parody version of the Nutcracker. And when the “DanceAlong” sign flashes, the audience is invited to tug on their tutus and sashay along with the cast. Even audience members who don’t want to dance have a blast! This year’s show, with a somewhat fractured Harry Potter theme, centers on the magical adventures of Clara Potter and her friends at Fogwarts School, as they search out the long-lost Elder Baton on a quest to save their school music program. https://bit.ly/2QAyDz0 THE SISTERS OF PERPETUAL INDULGENCE again give you an alternative to anti-LGBTQ Salvation Army with SALVATION SISTERS BELL RINGING on December 8 @ 18th and Castro Streets, 6–8 pm. We’ll jingle your bells as we protest the Salvation Army for their impish ways! And mark your calendars for the 1ST ANNUAL KRAMPUS FEST PAGEANT on December 15, 2018 @ El Rio, 4–7 pm. https://bit.ly/2Pi6Uyh Always a holiday favorite, HELP IS ON THE WAY FOR THE HOLIDAYS, presented by RICHMOND/ERMET AID FOUNDATION (REAF), will feature an amazing cast singing many holiday favorites as well as songs that reflect the spirit of the holidays—Love, Hope, and Compassion. And, as if this concert weren’t enough, the VIP after party with the cast at the Clift Hotel will feature a wonderful assortment of holiday drinks, appetizers and desserts, as well as a chance to meet and mingle with cast members. They’ve got Tony nominees, Grammy winners and nominees, cabaret and musical theater stars and much, much more. Happening at the Marines Memorial Theatre, 609 Sutter Street on December 10, 7:30 pm, it benefits PROJECT OPEN HAND and POSITIVE RESOURCE CENTER. https://www.reaf-sf.org Sister Dana sez, “It’s not enough he put migrant children in cages, but now Trump is spraying them with tear gas. Welcome to AmeriKKKa, children!”

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A full service catering company serving the greater Bay Area

PHOTO BY SANDY MORRIS

• Weddings, Commitment Ceremonies, Anniversaries and many other social occasions and corporate events • We offer Custom-Designed Menus in various cuisines with vegetarian, vegan and multi-cultural food options • Full Service Event Management 415.308.4555 www.cheatalittle.com We Give You Something To Talk About!

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Round About - All Over Town Holiday Season Photos by Rink

A holiday season lighting display enhances the exterior of the Conservatory of Flowers in Golden Gate Park.

“Outlaw Poverty, Not Prostitution” was one of the slogans on t-shirts available at the St. James Infirmary Holiday Open House.

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any of Rink’s photos merit lengthy study, and this is surely one of them, given its multiple layers of meaning. First, there is the documented event itself. In 1984, a group of Christian fundamentalists staged an announced rally on Castro Street. The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence were there to meet them, advocating for the LGBTQ community.

Instead of coming to blows, the two groups momentarily found common ground. As the image reveals, all in attendance even shared a few laughs. If only such camaraderie could be everlasting! At least instances like this, however fleeting, provide timeless signs of hope.

Cliff’s Variety’s Santa Troy welcomed customers to come inside when they arrived at the door on December 1.

Harvey Milk Democratic Club co-president Honey Mahogany (right) with friends at the St. James Infirmary Holiday Open House on November 29

Tita Aida and Bruce Beaudette at the St. James Infirmary Holiday Open House

A holiday window at Cliff’s Variety

Then there is the importance of the two Sisters pictured. At left is Sister Sadie (Sadie, the Rabbi Lady) who famously went on the road with fellow Sister Chanel 2001 and wound up at the 1984 Academy Awards. They nearly crashed the Shrine Auditorium, but were booted out at the last minute by emcee Army Archerd.

Sister Sadie was Gilbert Block (1944–2010), who was a dedicated activist and led some of the Sisters’ most outrageous street theater.

Chronicling such adventures, Block authored the book Confessions of a Jewish Nun (Fog City Press, 2000).

Sister Chanel was Gilbert Baker, who envisioned and designed the now-iconic Rainbow Flag in 1978—the same year that the San Francisco Bay Times, the San Francisco Lesbian/Gay Freedom Band, the San Francisco Gay Men’s Chorus and many other LGBTrelated groups, organizations and businesses started. Note that the tambourine-jangling Sister Chanel was wearing a patch linking then President Ronald Reagan to a swastika and Nazism. Baker’s final exhibit, before his death in 2017, also used Holocaust imagery.

Finally, there is the “photo bomb” in the back: a great shot of the “Donuts 24” sign. Many years prior, Andy’s Donuts established a tradition of 24/7 donut-serving eateries in the Castro. Andy’s Donuts helped to inspire the landmark restaurant Orphan Andy’s, which is still going strong. (See the cover and pages 14–15 of this issue.)

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Holiday decorations at Union Square were glistening after showers on November 25.

Sister Jezebel, Sister Mary Media and Sister Chola with supporter Kirk Read at the St. James Infirmary Holiday Open House on November 29.

Children and adults participated in the annual World AIDS Day Inscribe project, where all who wish can write the names of people lost to HIV/ AIDS using chalk on the sidewalks of Castro Street.

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A display of Hanukkah menorahs in the window of Cliff’s Variety on Castro Street

Stephen Trimble and his husband Alberto Rojas displayed just some of the holiday merchandise at their whimsical store Terrasol on Polk Street.

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items of the week

Alice Democratic Club co-chairs Brian Lukoff and Gina Simi with Mayor London Breed at the Election Hangover Party held at Manny’s in the Mission in November.

Ugly Sweater Patch

Lisa Williams of the Bayard District 8 Supervisor Rafael Mandelman Rustin Coalition with Board of with Mayor London Breed at the Alice Democratic Club Election Hangover Party Supervisors president Malia Cohen at the Alice Democratic Club’s Hangover Party

Anna Damiani and San Francisco Bay Times contributor Lou Fischer at the Alice Democratic Club Hangover Party at Manny’s

Award presenter Vignetta Charles (left) with honoree Morey Riordan and interim executive director David Evans at Project Inform’s “Evening of Hope” at Fort Mason

Guests at Project Inform’s “Evening of Hope” party at Fort Mason

Interim executive director David Evans and his predecessor Dana Van Gorder at the Project Inform’s “Evening of Hope” party

Accessorize you favorite sweater for the holidays with these classic LED ugly sweater patches from dci.

Santakini The ultimate white elephant gift!

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he stockings are hung in the center aisle with care, in hopes you will buy them and some Santakini underwear.

Our Elves have gone loopy, but customer service is their game, so be kind to our Reindeer and we’ll do the same.

The group Synchronicity Strings performed at Project Inform’s annual Evening of Hope party held at Fort Mason on November 15.

As Heard on the Street . . . What is your favorite section of Cliff’s Variety store?

compiled by Rink

Adam Sandel

Raoul Thomas

Carnie Asada

Rae Raucci

Camilla Diamond

“Hardware.”

“The games section.”

“These glasses.”

“Candy and toys.”

“The cookware department.”

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