Finding Joy in Balance

By Nathan Murset, Junior, Dixie High School

For four years, I sacrificed my life to the pool. As an accomplished competitive swimmer, I had experienced great success in the water, and with each victory, my willingness to sacrifice pieces of my life to the sport increased. Over time, I established a mindset in which every aspect of my existence pointed toward athletic success. However, the pleasure I experienced over my accomplishments seemed shallow and fleeting. Within me stirred feelings of emptiness and discontentment. I wasn’t sad, but I definitely was not happy.

Things took a turn for the worse when I fell ill in the fall of 2020. I pridefully pushed through my sickness, ignoring the inner voices that begged for respite. Naturally, my performance dropped for the first few days of my illness, but as the weeks stretched on, my performance continued to lag. My times slowed, my body weakened, and my morale dissolved as I swam for months against a current of doubt and anguish. I soon came to realize the astonishing magnitude of my discontent, and I started asking myself questions that I’d never been brave enough to ask before. Was I swimming because I wanted to swim or because I felt obligated? Did my self-worth really depend on my accomplishments? Would I be a failure if I decided to choose a different path? How much of my life had I wasted doing something that didn’t bring me joy?

These questions floated around in my mind for months. My focus had become so directed on physical achievements that my life had become an eternal checklist, with every day another chance to mark boxes off of that list. What I failed to recognize was that no number of worldly accomplishments could bring me joy. Deep, lasting joy is the result of an effective balance between the heart, mind, body, and spirit. Unfortunately, balance is difficult to obtain, requiring dedication and clear, objective self-reflection. However, the end product is worth all of the effort: a life of color, beauty, and love.

With the help of an incredible therapist and my family, I began to realize the bountiful blessings of balance: I began to smile again; I began to sing again; I began to feel and share love again and to explore my other talents and passions. Nearly two years after the onset of my illness, I am still experiencing symptoms. But the lessons I learned during my recovery are far more significant than my athletic failures. In finding balance, I learned that life is more than a checklist. It’s an opportunity to smile and to lift others up—a chance to show compassion and share the love of God. Above all, I learned that life is at its fullest when it is filled with joy.

Nathan Murset