The Gift of Presence

By Brigit Atkin

I was having a really stressful week. Nothing really bad or earthshattering had happened; it was just one of those weeks with too many obligations, too much on my mind, and some family issues that were weighing heavily on my heart. By the time Saturday rolled around, I was tense and irritable.

That particular Saturday fell near the end of summer, and the heat was unbearable. As the afternoon wore on, I remembered one unfinished task: I had to get to the grocery store, which was about the last thing I wanted to do.

My husband went with me, and as his very social self, he started talking to people he knew (and he knows everyone, ok?) the moment we got in the door. Immediately, I found myself bombarded with ridiculously negative thoughts. Why was every soul in the whole western hemisphere in this very store? Can’t we just get in and out as quickly as possible? I really have so much to do. Why did the store management move my favorite croutons, and where the heck were they? Can’t they leave things where they are? Is my husband really still talking to that guy? Can we just go now?

Right about the time I was giving up on the croutons, I noticed my husband talking to some old friends. We didn’t see them very often—usually in passing—and I could see they were on their way out of the store. I was sure they didn’t want to be hung up talking to us, and in my frazzled state of mind, I held back, still determined to complete the shopping task and get home.

Finally outside and loading the car, the dear friend that I had ignored in the store approached me. With sincere concern in her eyes, she asked, “Brigit, have I done anything to offend you?” Oh man! In my stressful state of mind, it had not occurred to me that I was being rude. I really had no idea that she would have felt hurt or offended. Was I that dense? We talked for a few minutes, and I thanked her for approaching me. The last thing I wanted was for her to go home feeling like I was angry at her or that I had any feelings of disdain whatsoever. How grateful I was that she gave me the opportunity to stop and reflect and most especially, to apologize. What a gift she gave me!

Speaking of gifts, as we drove home that balmy afternoon, I realized just how important the gift of presence was. I realized as I reflected on the incident that I really didn’t think my attention was that big of a deal. I was perfectly wrong! I am happy to say that I regrouped quickly. I made a new resolve to do better.

Connection is so important! So often, it is just that extra minute of greeting someone you know—the extra five seconds of looking someone in the eye, acknowledging them, and asking them sincerely how they are faring.

Your presence is needed! Even when you’re stressed out, heavy-hearted, and running behind, your attention to someone else matters! You matter. They matter—whoever they are at the moment.

We all get frazzled. Everyone has stress. Some days we hold it together pretty well, and other days, we lose it. It’s all part of the human experience. But what would it be like if we all made the effort to be present more often and to really notice each other?

This holiday season, consider that it is not so much the fluff of the season that is important (although “fluff” is nice). Of most importance are the people in your life: your family, your friends, your neighbors, your co-workers, your babysitters, those you run into at the grocery store, and the every-day people with whom you interact.

I love this time of year. I love gatherings. I love my family and my friends. I am sorry if I ever offend.

I’ll end with a few lines of my favorite Elvis Christmas song, “If Every Day Was Like Christmas.” It sums up perfectly how I really feel when I think about this season, when I think about peace, when I think about human kindness and the connection we feel when we are present. Happy holidays!

I hear the bells

Saying Christmas is near.

They ring out to tell the world

That this is the season of cheer.

Brigit Atkin

About the Author

Brigit Atkin–Brigit of Brightworks helps improve the lives of others facing challenges and difficulties. She is certified in the SimplyALIGN™ method and was trained by founder Carolyn Cooper herself. For more information, visit www. brightworksbybrigit.com.