9 Things To Keep in Mind when you go to a party Featuring some demons from Dante’s Inferno
Written and Illustrated by Sara Hagale
The following pages include suggestions regarding proper party behavior. It is at this time that you must make a decision to either continue or cease reading this book. If you cannot make a decision, you will be forced to run after banners while being simultaneously stung by bugs.
So, hurry up! Make a decision!
You have made a wise choice. Please, continue reading‌
Say no to Limbo
This is a very tricky dance move to pull off. If you are already rather ungainly, it is highly recommended that you avoid the limbo at all costs. If you’re feeling inspired and attempt this dance move, please be aware of the consequences.*
*Sorry if this bores you.
Avoid Public Displays of Affection If you don’t already know, PDA stands for “Public Displays of Affection.” It would be best to keep this at a bare minimum. You don’t want to run the risk of making everyone at the party uncomfortable.*
*If you decide to engage in PDA, be aware that
you may get swept up into a whirlwind romance. These are virtually inescapable.
Know your limits If this party has a snack table, go to it. This is your safe haven. However, be aware of the negative consequences of overeating.*
*Warning: If you eat too much you will become
extremely uncomfortable and forever lie in muck.
Sharing is key If you want to feel accepted at the party, bake some cookies. But, when you get to the party, do not hoard the cookies. This is wasteful.
However, do not just throw them freely into the air. This is also wasteful and does not benefit anyone involved. Others will think that you are strange, which is not good for your party rep.*
*Just put the cookies on a table. They will be eaten. If you do not do this and waste the cookies you will be forced to push furniture around the party venue for the rest of your life.
Control your temper If you are on the dance floor and someone pushes you, stay calm. It may make you angry to have others so close to you, but keep your wits about you. If you become too upset you will surely be banned from the party for being uptight.*
*Or worse, your anger will spread to those around you and everyone will begin hitting each other.
Similarly, do not become excessively sad if no one asks you to dance. Do not sulk in the corner. This will only repel others even more. Just get out there and dance!*
*Action is much better than inaction.
Be yourself, but don’t go
It’s great when you can be the life of the party, but don’t be too crazy. You may annoy others to the point of anger. This could be extremely dangerous for you.*
crazy
*Caution: If you attempt this level of craziness, make sure there is not
a functioning conventional oven at the party venue. If an oven does exist at the venue, you will be thrown into it by those you have annoyed. Also, you will never be invited to a party again (they locked you in the oven and threw away the key).
Never get physically violent
Do not physically harm others*, yourself, or anything at the party venue. An alternative to a physical altercation would be a dance-off. This is much safer, and will gain you the respect of others at the party.
*Warning: If the venue has a pool, you will probably
be thrown into it, along with others involved in the fight. The number of fighters will determine how deep you are submerged in the pool. Be careful, you might drown!
Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not Do not lie and try to make yourself sound cooler than you are. This will backfire later on in the night, and everyone will think you are fake. You will never be trusted again.*
*Furthermore, you will be forced to put on everyone’s coat
from the coat room, and then thrown into a ditch. You will probably never make your way out of said ditch, due to the weight of your wardrobe.
NEVER betray your friends Never betray your friends. This is simply the biggest mistake you could ever make.*
*Those you have betrayed will soak you with
water, and proceed to lock you in a freezer. If the party venue does not have a freezer, it does not matter. The betrayed will find a freezer. You cannot win in this situation.
The End. Now go have some fun!
Seriously‌GO! Have some fun, already!