yeah, i’m just tired
because life is really heavy sometimes.
at first the thought will be abstract. you will wonder what will change when you’re gone.
then the idea hardens. how long will it take my mom to wash the stains from the tub?
hey i hope everything’s okay we haven’t heard from you in a while you haven’t been answering our texts or calls you haven’t come out in a while sorry to be forward it’s just that we’re just worried about you you know you can always talk to us okay i mean i get what you’re going through just be safe okay we love you call me
ached e r e v you ha
box e mail c i o v the
... ull.
xf mailbo
of:
sometimes it feels like:
sometimes it feels like:
I IHAVEN’T HAVEN’TSHOWERED SHOWEREDIN INAAMONTH MONTHTHE THEONLY ONLYTHING THINGI I CAN CANTASTE TASTEISISMY MYMATTRESS MATTRESSI ITRIED TRIEDTO TOFIND FINDTHE THESUN SUN BUT IT WASN’T LOOKING FOR ME PLEASE LEAVE ME BUT IT WASN’T LOOKING FOR ME PLEASE LEAVE MELET LET ME MEGO GOBECAUSE BECAUSEI ITHINK THINKI’M I’MSPLITTING SPLITTINGOPEN OPENMY MYOWN OWN SKIN SKINWHEN WHENI ITHINK THINKABOUT ABOUT
however it turns out that if you find a candle or a match or a very strong flashlight you can talk to all of your demons and you can all laugh about how bad it used to be and you’ll go into the light and your eyes will not even blink you’ll be so warm
it’s
gonna
be
so
good.
i flew too close to the sun and on the way down i took some notes from the stars who died millions of years ago but still burn hot i will burn hot and bright and loud i’ll be the brightest fucking supernova you’ve ever seen i’ll expand until i hold all my friends in my big galaxy arms and we’ll spin together forever i promise i’m not burning out just brighter
so listen
.......................................
think about how the sky looks before it’s going to rain and how white your sister’s wedding dress was think about that time you found $20 on the sidewalk and how that could happen tomorow if you stay for the sunrise think of orchids and lilies and roses and all the things that grew when the sun turned its back think about your favorite smile and the gap in it think about living think about blood think about skin then look in the mirror and don’t think but say
I AM AFRAID BUT SO I’M
THERE IS A LIGH NEVER LO
T I WILL FIGHT AND M BRAVE.
HT IN ME, AND I’LL OSE IT AGAIN.
all writing by Shana Hodosh. images are public domain textures with my editing. tumblr: commesfleurs.tumblr. com email: shanahodosh@gmail.com