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My Tenderloin Manifesto Jay Kerner Publisher/Idea Guy
We’re always talking about “celebrating the coolest local stuff”, like it says on our cover. But, what specifically are the unique things that make St. Joe, St. Joe? It’s a tricky proposition, when anything you put out there is instantly a “meme” target. Ok. Jesse James. Pony Express. Got it. But, our city already does a great job of promoting those historical assets. My question is, “Is that all we got?” I started asking folks. Folks in bars. Folks in coffee shops. Folks in other bars. Just spit-balling. Throwing things around and seeing what comes back. Listening to the words and phrases. The ideas. And filtering for common ground. Then, just like the guy who wondered why the Frisbee kept getting closer and closer to his face, it hit me. Two things actually: What have we’ve always done particularly well here? And what’s something we especially love here? (I’ll give you a clue: they’re intricately involved and the latter is in the headline.) What we do well here is process pork. Always have. The names on the packing plants have changed through the years, and so has the technology, but one thing hasn’t. Our menfolk have been butchering hogs here, at industry leading levels, for generations. (And more recently, a fair number of our women-folk, too.) It’s been a leading business component of our city, since it was a city. It’s just not the sexiest thing to promote. Which brings me to something we especially love here. And that, my friends, is TENDERLOINS. Pork Tenderloins. Pounded flat, coated in cracker crumbs, then deep fried or grilled and placed between buns of a much smaller radius. Everybody has a favorite and you can get a good one in pretty much every part of town. In fact, it’s getting harder to come across a bad one around here anymore. It used to be, once in a while some sketchy joint would try to pass off a crappy, manufactured pork fritter as a tenderloin. Ha! Most of those operators simply went out of business. Others mysteriously disappeared. We know tenderloins, here. We’ve been spoiled by greatness. Went online and learned there are plenty of references to the best tenderloin in any particular area, but no place really claiming to be the capital of the world. Tenderloins in some form may have come west from Illinois or Indiana, depending on who you believe, but they first intersected with the cracker crumbs that makes the sandwich what it is, right here in Joetown, where the saltine was born. There’s no arguing, this little spot on the planet has to be where fresh pork and cracker crumb first came together. But we didn’t stop there. We actually did a trademark search and were surprised to learn nobody has ever registered the phrase “Tenderloin Capital of the World”. So we applied for it. Cost a few bucks, but when the paperwork comes back, we’ll be an officially registered, U.S. trademark. We’re literally and figuratively, putting our money where our mouth is.
We’re planting our deep-fried flag. Tenderloin Capital of the World! That’s us! Sounds good doesn’t it? But saying it is one thing and taking advantage of it’s another. Can you see how signs on the highway might bring traffic to local restaurants? How about tenderloin maps at the visitor centers? Maybe we need a Tenderloin Festival. We do love festivals, don’t we? (In fact, my “plan B” was going to be Festival Capital of the World.) But this would be a Tenderloin Festival! Like other festivals, but with way more tenderloins! And a Tenderloin Queen or some other Pork Royalty. And, as the self-proclaimed capital, why can’t we have a competition and award the World Championship Trophy, (The Regular Joe Cup)? I say we can! Perhaps a local pork producer would like to be involved? (hint, hint). We can make it a fundraiser for a local charity. Maybe there could be something in it for the “Cracker House” restoration project. We’ll seek out the best tenderloin purveyors from other cities to bring their best, and attract tenderloin lovers from all over to fill our restaurants and hotel rooms. And most likely, award the trophy to one of our local business friends. I guess it’s possible there could be a better tenderloin out there than what we’re used to here, but we sincerely doubt it. Especially since the judging will of course, consist of all locals, because, duh… Tenderloin Capital of the World! I know an event like this would be a lot of work for a lot of people so I’ll volunteer my services to recruit and supervise these judges in my selfappointed position as Tenderloin Commissioner. It will require some travel. I’ll need to take my handpicked team of Tenderloin Ambassadors on the road, to search for worthy competitors. It will be a daunting task, but we’re up to it. I say Tenderloin Capital of the World is something we can get behind here and have some fun with. Hmmmm,... just thinking of some giant fiberglass tenderloin, spinning high in the air somewhere close to where I29/ and US36 intersect. Luring hungry travelers heading all four directions on the compass through the heart of America, to choose this exit. And take a big bite of something we’re justifiably proud of in these parts.
Dear Joe,
Performing Arts Association & Bad Art Bistro Present an Evening of Entertainment with “Random Acts & Dinner” Thursday, June 23rd – 6:30 PM An evening of great food, good fun and entertainment can be found at the Saint Joseph Performing Arts Association’s “Random Acts & Dinner” hosted once again at Bad Art Bistro. Following the success of the first Random Acts dinner in November of 2015, PAA has decided to resurrect the fundraiser with a new menu and new acts but the same expert preparations of Chef Andrew Clark. Upon arrival guests will receive light canapes followed with an organic mixed greens salad with homemade vinaigrette, Chef Andrew will be presenting his signature hamburgers with his house chips and a fanciful dessert to complete the meal. A cash bar will be available all evening. Throughout the evening, patrons will be entertained by number of local and area performers. Proceeds of this event will help benefit the Saint Joseph Performing Arts Association, and provide funds to continue to ensure that quality nationally touring shows can be brought to the historic Missouri Theatre. The cost for the three course meal and included
entertainment is $55.00. The cash bar is separate and not included in the price. Reserve now as space is limited. Performing Arts Association, 816-279-1225.
The Regular Joe
phone 816-617-5850 www.theregularjoepaper.com email us at email@theregularjoepaper.com snail mail us at The Regular Joe P.O. Box 1304 St. Joseph, Mo. 64502
St. Joseph Live Music Highlights The Lucky Tiger 718 Francis
First Saturdays with live music all afternoon.
Eagles Lodge N. Belt Hwy. Live Country Music Most Saturday Nights
Felix Street Square 8th & Felix
June 3rd & 4th - Ride for Ryan June 5 - Imagine Eleven - Atlantic Express June 10th & 11th - Coleman Hawkins Jazz Festival June 12 - Imagine Eleven, The Elders June 17th & 18th - St. Joe Pride Festival June 19 - Imagine Eleven, Ann and Terry Brock June 24 - “Sounds of Summer” - Mr. MoJo Risin’ (Doors tribute band) June 26 - Imagine Eleven, The Center State
Northside Festival June 3rd-5th NCA June Festival June 3rd, 4th, and 5th Friday: 5:30PM to 10:30PM Crafts Food Kids Rides 9 Penny Band 5-7:30pm VooDooBabies 8-10pm Firework Show @ 9:30 Saturday: 11:00AM to 10:30PM Grand Marshall - Pat Jones Parade @ 9:30AM (80’s Theme) Festival Starts @ 11:00 Crafts Food Kid Rides Dixie Cadillacs 2-3:30pm Phil Vandel Band 4-5:30pm Selle Brothers 6-7:30pm Friends 8-10pm Sunday: 11:00AM to 5:00PM Church Services Corvette Show @ 12:00PM Crafts Food Kid Rides Strong Tower Baptist 1:00pm Speaker, David Mason 1:40pm Sparrowsong 2:20pm Terrell Watson 3:00pm 9 th Hour 4:00pm
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Mug Shots
Adeline at Black Archives Museum June 9th
The story of Adeline will be the topic of a presentation on Thursday, June 9, at the Black Archives Museum of the St. Joseph Museums. Adeline, a slave in Savannah, Missouri, was present when Abraham Lincoln debated political opponent Stephen Douglas in 1858. With the North’s victory in the American Civil War, she became free, but chose to stay with the family to which she had been sold. The featured speaker for the program will be award winning author and storyteller Dr. Gladys Caines-Coggswell, who will tell the tale of Adeline’s amazing life in the first person, tracing her journey from slavery to freedom. Dr. Caines-Coggswell has been named a master storyteller by the Missouri Folk Arts Program. Her previous awards include honorary life membership from the National Association of Black Storytellers, the 2005 Missouri Arts Council’s Individual Artist of the Year award, and the 2005 Griot Award from the St. Louis Black Museum. Her book Stories from the Heart: Missouri’s African American Heritage received the Missouri Humanities Council’s Outstanding Achievement in Literacy award in 2010. The story of Adeline will be presented at the Black Archives Museum, 3406 Frederick Avenue, St. Joseph, Missouri, at 6 p.m. St. Joseph Museum is able to host this program courtesy of the Missouri Humanities Council Speakers Bureau. It is open to the public and admission is free. Refreshments will be served. Please call the St. Joseph Museum at 816-232-8471 for more information or visit stjosephmuseum.org/events.
Health Coaches Help People Help Themselves During the past two decades, health coaching has emerged as one of the newest and most dynamic vocations in the field of modern health care. Largely pioneered by Joshua Rosenthal, who began the Institute for Integrative Nutrition based in New York City, health coaching has grown to the point that it is being offered as a major at some universities and a growing number of medical practices are now including health coaches as respected members of their teams. So just what is a health coach and what is the scope of their responsibilities? A health coach is someone who has been formally trained to help people help themselves with their health issues and challenges. But that does not mean that a health coach diagnoses or treats individuals because they are not licensed health care professionals. Instead, they encourage and inspire people to take better care of themselves through healthy lifestyle choices, particularly in the areas of diet and exercise. And, just like a sports coach motivates their athletes to achieve all they’re capable of, health coaches hold people accountable for the changes they’ve indicated they intend to make. Many people know what they need to do to live healthier lives but they lack the motivation to follow through. That’s where a health coach can help. Health coaches are trained to deeply listen to the concerns of their clients and to present them with options, not recommendations, and always in the context of considering the advice and treatment of their licensed health care professionals. Health coaches generally work with people who have milder health issues such as insomnia, weight loss and energy. Health coaches refrain from working with people with severe chronic illnesses, whether physical or mental, and if these come up in the conversation a health coach always refers their clients to the appropriate licensed health care provider. However, a number of licensed health care providers such as registered nurses and dietitians have also enrolled in and completed the health coaching program to enhance their own professions. The most effective and successful health coaches specialize in a specific population group such as young mothers with children who lack time and energy, or successful hard-driving executives on the verge of burnout. Specializing helps health coaches be more effective in both understanding the concerns of their clients and presenting appropriate options. Some health coaches work in person with clients while others do so online via Skype or email. Some are employed by health food stores or medical practices while others operate independently. As the profession grows, there will likely be a health coach for every population group and in every venue. Health coaching, as Joshua Rosenthal is fond of saying, is “creating a ripple effect” of people living healthier lives, which makes for healthier communities, societies and countries. Healthfully Yours, James Fly Independent Holistic Health Coach (specializing in the aging challenges of mature adults) for a complimentary consultation contact me at: 816-248-1656 or jamesfly.51@gmail.com
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Thanks for supporting these local merchants!
Complete Dell and Gateway Desktop Systems $129
Kids Big Messy Summer Art Camp and Classes for All Ages at the Albrecht-Kemper Museum of Art Kids Big Messy Art Camp – June 14-17 (2 Sessions – morning / afternoon) Children of all ages will have the opportunity to be part of Summer Art Camp the week of June 14-17 (Tues-Fri) at the Albrecht-Kemper Museum of Art. In line with the 50th Anniversary of the museum, students will look at artists from 1966 like Jackson Pollock and Andy Warhol. Art instructor Molly Ring will lead students the week of “Big Messy Art Camp” with a wide array of projects: There will be a morning session for younger children (Ages 5-7) that runs from 9:00 am-12:00 pm and afternoon session for the older children (Ages 8-11) from 2:00-5:00 pm. The cost is $75/per student for AKMA Members; $90/Non-Members. Butterfly Mixed Media Canvas – *June 2*(10:00 am-12:00 pm) This class is for children ages 8-11 and will be held on Friday, June 3rd Students will combine paint, paper, drawing and collage techniques to make a beautiful 9″ x 12″ butterfly canvas. The cost is $25/per student. Big Juicy Abstracts Omaha artist, Beverly Todd will lead this fun, interactive one-day workshop of abstract painting on Friday, June 24th from 10 a.m.-4:00 p.m.
Bold, Colorful and full of energy; learn how BIG juicy abstract art is created. Take home studies on paper, and a finished abstract on canvas. You’ll also leave with a plan to continue your growth and development. For Beginners or Intermediate creators. For adults, and youth 13 years or older. The cost is $125/ AKMA Members; $150/ Non-Members Call the AlbrechtKemper Museum of Art for more information or to reserve your spot in the class. 816-233-7003 Ext. 301 or sign up online at www.albrecht-kemper.org/ events/category/childrenand-adults/
Woods & Bruce Electric “No job too small!” David Bruce, Master Electrician 816-617-1152
Tax Services of Northwest Missouri Inc. Cary G. Alburn, EA •Professional Services, Reasonable Fees. •Tax Return Preparation.•Representation before the IRS. •Tax Accounting and Consulting. •Individual, Business/Farm, Trust (816) 901-9575 3110 Karnes Road, Suite 101 nwmotax@earthlink.net Saint Joseph, MO 64506
Problem with alcohol? We have a solution. AA info: district2@wamo-aa.org 816-471-7229
Nick’s Painting Over 40 Years Experience (816) 232-3258 Interior
Now Open 4 Lunch!
D&G Pub & Grub Brings Back Memories by Charmayne McGee
I am a big fan of The Regular Joe. I always enjoy your insightful articles on the history of St. Joseph, and particularly business establishments that have survived in the city. So many are long gone that it is a wonderful opportunity to preserve one and share memories. Such an establishment is the D&G Restaurant. It opened during the last months of World War II in 1945 and quickly became a comforting haven for families waiting and praying for the return of their soldiers. After the War ended, the GI’s coming home could take their families there, have a beer and watch their children enjoy tenderloins and fried chicken. As their families grew, so did their memories. Over the years, many St. Joseph area residents were regulars and almost every family has some stories about dining there and enjoying the memorabilia decorating the dining room walls. I went there often with my family when I was a child. In later years I attended meetings of the Border War Society there where we heard talks on the Civil War in the St. Joseph area. Bob Ford and Joe Houts created the Society. And we would work with them to excavate and save the historic Civil War site of Fort Smith on the bluffs near Wyeth Hill. In 2009 the D&G closed and all the wonderful memorabilia items were auctioned off. Other businesses moved in temporarily, but it finally went up for sale recently. The exciting thing is that the D&G Restaurant has been reborn. Steve and Christina Grimes, former owners of the Cafe Acoustic just down the street on Frederick Avenue, have bought it and are reopening, featuring specialty food items from the original menu. The tenderloins are fabulousand some of the huge hand-held sandwich recipes have never changed. Christina is a lovely lady, very open and proud of what she and her
husband Steve are doing. I stopped in to see what changes they have made and the place looks fabulous. They have great plans for encouraging groups to hold meetings there, as we did with the Border War Society. And she mentioned the possibility of creating an amphitheater out behind the restaurant. With the huge influx of tourists coming next summer to witness the Total Solar Eclipse, we need to promote local businesses and help them grow so they can benefit from the coming crowds-just as St. Joseph did in 1899 swhen local investors staged the Jubilee of Fall Festivities to show off St. Jseoph’s progress. In 1899 some 50,000 visitors came by train from all over the United States to attend. We already know at least 100.000 are expected here in 2017.
Northwest Missouri in June
From the Desk of Joe Northwest Mindi L. Phillips, Regular Joe NW Editor When I was 12, I was in Epsilon Beta Library Club. We were each assigned a pen pal, and with the luck of the draw, I was given the address of an “exotic” French girl named Sylvie. We would take days to write letters and wait for weeks to receive a reply. When the red and blue bordered air mail envelopes would arrive in our box along Highway 169, I was so excited to read what absolutely fascinating details of French culture she would divulge. I would send her a dollar bill, because she wanted to know what the American “greenback” was. Eventually I went off to community college, and she was away at University. At some point, she met a handsome German soldier, and they made a home together in Germany. I married and began my family, soon moving back to Northwesy Missouri, where I was born and raised. We lost track of each other for a while, as we became wrapped up in our own lives. At some point, a couple more letters were shared, and we exchanged email addresses. This became, though less exciting, a “cool” new element of our pen friendship, minus the literal “pen.” Then came Facebook! We added each other, and in turn, so did our husbands. We were both expecting babies in March 2007, and my son Jack was born on Sylvie’s birthday! Her baby Chloe was born just days after mine. Our husbands had begun contacting each other and decided that before
photo by Libbi Bubke
our next birthdays rolled around, Sylvie’s family would travel from Germany to meet ours and to “live with” us for two weeks. We both had older daughters, and our babies would both be turning one. A household of four became eight. A week into their visit, Sylvie’s family went to my mother’s home in Gentry to share a 1st birthday celebration for Jack and Chloe. During the trip, we discovered that my then 11-year-old daughter Drew had been born on Sylvie’s husband’s birthday! Their daughter Emma, then five, shared Drew’s room and was her little shadow for those two weeks. We four travelled with their four on an impromptu car trip to Mount Rushmore. It was a stressful time, opening our home to a whole family of near strangers, a friendship begun at random, but we were at the same time sharing a special connection, Sylvie and I were finding we were so much alike. A couple years later, Sylvie visited again - family-free and for just a week. I was working most of those days, but I took time to make this trip more special. We spent time shopping, having lunch, chatting, gossiping, sharing real “girl time,” more like those pre-teen girls we were when we were first matched up. We took a short road trip with my mother, caught a movie, visited a casino in KC, spotted “cowboys.” No kids in tow, Sylvie could soak in the American experience a bit better the second time around. One statement stuck with me during that visit, more than any other. She was struck by the friendliness she encountered here. Everyone said “thank you” and “excuse me.” She said, “So much for the “rude American!” I prefer to believe it’s not just because she visited the U.S., but NWMO.
Our “Regular” Contributors: Mindi L. Phillips, NW editor Rich Piper, editorial Mike Rockett Jr., editorial
Contact Mindi for Regular Joe Northwest 816-596-0701 northwest@regularjoepaper.com PO Box 76 Union Star, MO 64494 www.regularjoepaper.com
Deadline for all submissions is the 20th of each month
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is LOW on food pantry items & in NEED of donations! E of Albany on Hwy 136
660-726-4297
Regular Joe Northwest:
NW - 19
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East side of the square in Grant City
660-564-4014
20 - NW
Live Music, Events, & Festivals in NWMO
New And Ongoing Live Music & Events ALBANY: Sat 6/4: Northwest Medical 5k &1mi Walk/Run (Fire Station/Football Field) Sat 6/4: Firemen’s Breakfast, 7:30am (Fire Station) Sat 6:4: Bridges Burnt, 9pm (Shadowfax) BETHANY: Wed & Sat: Dungeons & Dragons, 5pm (Gamers Palace) Fri 6/3: Country Style Band, 7pm (VFW Hall) (Bottom photo) Fri 6/10: Country Style Band, 7pm (VFW Hall) Fri 6/17: Country Style Band, 7pm (VFW Hall) Fri 6/24: Country Style Band, 7pm (VFW Hall) CLARKSDALE Fridays: Clarksdale Opry, 7pm (Hawman Center) FILLMORE Fridays: Music & Dance, 7pm (Community Hall) GENTRY Fri 6/10: Ramblin Country Music Show & Dance, 7:30pm (Lions Club) Fri 6/24: Ramblin Country Music Show & Dance, 7:30pm (Lions Club) GRANT CITY Wednesdays: Jam Session, NEW TIME 5pm (Senior Center) 2nd Friday: Potluck, Noon (Senior Center) Sat 6/18: Country Style Band, 6:30pm (Skating Rink) KING CITY 3rd Wednesday: Potluck Dinner (Senior Center) Last Monday: Pitch Tournament (Senior Center) Daily: Cards (Senior Center) Sat 6/18: Rock N Country Variety Show, 7pm (TriCo Visitors Center) (Top photo) MARYVILLE Sundays: Northwest Opry Country, 2pm (Nodaway Co Senior Center) Sundays: Forney & Paxson, 7pm (Eagles Lodge Bearcat Aerie#3669) Tuesdays: NWMSU Free Summer Movie Series (See page 22) OREGON Thursdays: Country Music Dance, 7pm (TJ Hall Comm Bldg) SAVANNAH Saturdays: Savannah Country Jamboree, 6:30pm (Senior Center)
Save the Date! Sat 7/2: Rhythm & Roots Festival (Albany on the Square) featuring Asleep at the Wheel with acts Reckless Kelly and Tyler Folkerts
Even Unto Death...
Mike Rockett, Jr. Middle Aged Hustle: Adventures in Motivation
I began my “career” as a photographer in late 2007 at the suggestion of an advertiser. It used to be that anyone with a pipe dream (and knowledge of publishing) could sell ad space at six dollars a columnar inch and print three thousand copies. I know because I was selling said advertiser just such a thing. She wanted a photo of herself for the ad so I broke out my cheap point and click and photographed her. The rest is history. I eventually upgraded to Nikon D40 and began hunting clients as I honed my craft. For the first year I couldn’t get anyone to let me photograph them so I took pictures of stuff. The next year I began to slowly build a clientele and almost immediately started booking weddings. Weddings are the bread and butter of the business. I did my first two weddings as another photographer’s sidekick to watch and learn and take a few photos as well. The first wedding was a typical church wedding, nothing spectacular. It was the second wedding I did that would prove to be most educational. Normally this is the part I would bore you with statistics of divorces in the 21st century. I can personally attest to this because many of the people I have photographed as they exchanged vows have divorced, some of which for very ugly reasons. Today we will skip the stats I have something more important to say. It was in the summer of 2008 that I was invited to tag along and take photos of an outdoor wedding in Lenexa Kansas. I was given very little info on the couple with the exception of their names. It didn’t matter to me I just wanted the experience. It was an outside affair quaint, romantic and simple. There were flowers everywhere and the sun was shining. The bride and groom were absolutely focused on one another. She wore a formal strapless gown, and he wore a blue suit. They were so into one another, as if every last second of the ceremony should be savored. As if those very moments were the most important in human history. Those in attendance were
NW - 21 the most reverent audience, focused and invested in the exchange of vows happening before them. Not having done many weddings, I would soon learn that this level of respect was the exception to the rule. After the wedding several days later, having turned in my edits to the lead photographer, I had discovered why the wedding was so meaningful. The groom was given a matter of weeks to live. The couple had already set a date to be married shortly before the groom was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor. It was inoperable, and it was killing him. Instead of cancelling the wedding, they moved it up and promised to love one another until death separated them. That lasted four months. I am choosing to believe they loved a lifetime in those four months. There are those that would criticize the bride for marrying anyway. They would question her motives if there was a large sum of money left in his will. There are even those who could not set themselves up for the emotional devastation in the loss of a spouse and would criticize her for being willing to. None of that matters. I could stand on my step stool and lecture about living life to the fullest and treating each day if it were your last. I would be a hypocrite. Of course today would be a good day for me to begin. I invite you to process this in whichever way you need to. Either way, thank you for reading. Mike Rockett Jr. is a writer and photographer who resides in Northwest Missouri. He has a passion for fitness and bodybuilding. He seeks to share his motivational journey with others.
22 - NW Meth House Hans P. Bremer
Poetry, Summer Movies
There’s an acrid odor that crosses our road with the labored bellows of a caged pit bull. The couple over there pace their porch while chain smoking and, occasionally, curse at the lonely animal inside. The man, a father,
used to be overweight but, now, is stalk thin, nervous, and always annoyed with his talkative boy who strolls around their small house with shiny, chrome plated, cowboy pistols. When I relax oriting or watching the bluebirds in our catalpa,
they harass me with questions: why you got binoculars, man? what you takin’ notes for? I rarely answer them, wish the traffic would thin, and the odor find a way to drift. Some nights, I wait for the sirens.
May 31: “Allegiant” (PG-13) June 7: “Zoolander 2” (PG-13) June 14: “Finding Nemo” (G) Northwest announces free Summer Movie Series for 2016 MARYVILLE, Mo. – Northwest Missouri State University’s Office of Student Involvement and the Student Activities Council has announced its schedule for the 2016 Summer Movie Series. Ten movies make up this year’s series, which is free and open to the public. Movies are shown each Tuesday night through July 26, with the exception of Tuesday, July 5. Show times are 7 p.m. and 9 p.m. Movies in May and June will be screened at the Ron Houston Center for the Performing Arts; July showings will take place in the Charles Johnson Theater at the Olive DeLuce Fine Arts Building. Dates, movies and film ratings appear below. For more information, contact Northwest’s Office of Student Involvement at 660.562.1226 or osi@nwmissouri.edu.
June 21: “My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2” (PG-13) June 28: “Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice” (PG-13) July 12: “Barbershop: The Next Cut” (PG-13) July 19: “The Jungle Book” (PG) July 26: “The Huntsman: Winter’s War” (PG-13) ######## For more information about NWMSU events, visit www.nwmissouri. edumedia/
The New Hit Summer Game: “Here’s Two for You!” Rich Piper
Here’s a fun summer game for everyone to play in the next few weeks. It is brand new and poised to sweep across the nation, okay, sweep across the land of The Joe, as this summer’s first live action hit game. Guaranteed to bring outward smiles and an inward sense of fun and satisfaction, the game is called “Here’s Two for You!” Or at least that is what I’m going to call it until I can think of a better name for my new game. Here’s what you need to obtain to play this inspiring game of interpersonal surprise and positive retribution. Go to a local bank and exchange twenty dollars for ten, two dollar bills. Yes, they are legal tender and many banks do have a small supply of them on hand. I’d like to think that banks have the forethought to stock $2 bills in anticipation for the hordes of folks that will be playing this new game – but sometimes it is just because a customer might ask them for a few $2 bills in change for a special occasion. (If you cannot find $2 bills, you have my permission to amend the rules to this game and play the junior version by using the $1 golden colored dollar coins.) Now, please, resist the temptation to color President Jefferson’s hair orange or to try to give him a blue pants suit coat. Let us be respectful of our historic figures, as well as avoid breaking federal laws. Once you have obtained your small quantity of $2 bills (or $1 gold colored coins), you must then keep them very accessible when you travel about for business or pleasure. You will need to be able to reach them within a five second span of time or you will lose that particular round of the game. To score points in the game, here is what you do. Whenever someone has shown you a courtesy, special service, or other gracious act (for which you do not directly pay or tip for that act), you reach for and give to that person a solo $2 bill. For example, the store clerk who checks you out as you get your morning coffee, and has that morning, and perhaps for a hundred mornings before, greeted you with a warm smile and a cheerful hello. Slip out one of those $2 bills and say with a smile: “Here’s Two for You!” If you are playing, by the amended rules, the junior version of this game, simply slip out one of those golden dollar coins, and say with a smile: “Here’s One for You!” Or, preferably, to receive the full point, slip out two of those golden dollar coins, and say with a smile: “Here’s Two for You!” – a dollar after all really doesn’t pay for even
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a fountain drink anymore. Then just pause for a maximum of two seconds, and be on your way. Other suitable targets for which you can win points in this game would include: the person that holds the grocery store door open for you; the child or teen that smiles and says “good morning” or “good afternoon” to you; the youngster that says “please,” or “thank you,” or “you’re welcome” to you; or the person who stoops down and picks up a piece of trash. Likely targets are anyone, anywhere, that displays (in word, gesture, or deed) an act of cheerfulness, respect, helpfulness, politeness, kindness, civility, or just plan nice humanness. Thomas Jefferson, the person pictured on the $2 bill, was the principal author of The Declaration of Independence, and of many other important documents of the early, founding years of our nation. He also served as the third President. Jefferson once said, “I believe that every human mind feels pleasure in doing good to another.” Perhaps, in playing the new “Here’s Two for You!” game, you will score high at feeling that pleasure in doing good to another. Rich has spent most of his adult life living and/or working in small, rural communities in Wisconsin, Iowa, and Missouri, including several long stretches in Northwest Missouri. Rich chooses to spend most of his weekday, daytime hours teaching students science, and other things, in Union Star. He also chooses to spend his Sundays, and some other occasional time, with the good folks in Cainsville. You can reach Rich at RichPiper@LifePraise.org with comments.
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CDC Highlights Summer Health and Safety Tips While enjoying summer fun and outdoor festivities, it is important to remember a few safety tips. The CDC has issued some guidelines to help keep your summer healthy and happy: “Summer is a great time to enjoy the great outdoors and swim, hike, travel and barbecue, but we also want to steer clear of accidents and injuries,” former Health and Human Services Secretary Tommy G. Thompson said. “By taking simple, common-sense precautions, we can have fun and stay safe at the same time.” CDC Director Dr. Julie Gerberding stresses the importance of taking simple, commonsense precautions that everyone can do to help keep families safe as they enjoy their summer. “I like to hike and garden, and I fully appreciate the benefits of outdoor activities as a way to stay healthy,” Dr. Gerberding said. “...Get out and be active--and to play it safe--this summer.” Sun and Heat: Studies show more than a million cases of the most common forms of skin cancer are diagnosed each year, and that even a few serious sunburns can increase your risk of getting skin cancer. You can protect yourself during the time of day when the sun’s UV (ultraviolet) rays are strongest – between 10am and 4pm – by wearing long sleeves and pants, and by applying sunscreen and a protective lip balm with an SPF of 15 or higher. Be sure to reapply frequently especially after swimming. Heat exposure caused over 9,000 deaths in the United States since 1979, with a peak in 2006 when temperatures were the highest on record for the contigious 48 states. Most heat-related deaths occur in the hot summer months, and the elderly, the very young and people with chronic health problems are most at risk. Because even healthy people can fall victim to summer heat, take the following precautions to reduce your risk: Drink plenty of water or other non-alcoholic beverages;
Tight Rope Walker Gracia Pinzino To border on edges and ledges Tight rope walking Knowing either way is over and leads to only down I set my sights onward Though the fears urge and gravity pulls A constant discipline to focus straight, forward, ahead Reset myself and my thoughts to this very moment As It is all there really is One steadied and purposeful foot in front of the other Until the undetermined end Because when you’ve loved and lost you never know When the grieving will let you go Though you’re acutely aware when it began.
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Wear lightweight, loose-fitting clothing that is light in color; Reduce strenuous activity or wait for cooler parts of the day. Water Safety: Thousands of Americans drown each year, and thousands more are injured or killed in boating accidents. Drowning is the second leading cause of injury-related death for children age 14 and under. Follow common-sense precautions for safe summer fun in the water: Always have an adult closely supervise young children any time they are swimming, playing or even bathing in water; Never swim alone or in unsupervised locations. Teach your children to always swim with a buddy; Never drink alcohol before or while swimming, boating or water skiing, and never drink alcohol while supervising children; Learn to swim, as swimming lessons benefit adults and children age 4 and up; Properly maintain your pool to help prevent the spread of infectious diseases. Never swallow pool, lake, or river water. 76 million Americans get sick from food-related illness every year. More than 300,000 end up hospitalized and about 5,000 die each year from foodborne illness. Cook meat, poultry and seafood thoroughly. Use a meat thermometer to be sure your grilled meats are “done.” Ground beef, for example, should be cooked to an internal temperature of 160 degrees Fahrenheit. Don’t cross-contaminate one food with another. Wash your hands, utensils and cutting boards after they have been in contact with raw meat or poultry and before they touch another food; Bacteria can grow quickly at room temperature, so refrigerate leftover foods promptly; Wash produce thoroughly to remove visible dirt, and discard the outermost leaves of a head of lettuce or cabbage. Have a safe and healthy summer!
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Dancing With the Presidential Idols Jay Kerner Publisher/Pundit Unless you’re a small child or a happy simpleton, you’ve no doubt figured out by now that life’s path is generously paved with cobblestones of fibs, fabrications and outright lies. It starts when you find out Santa’s your Dad. And so is the Easter Bunny! The Tooth-Fairy’s your Mom. Damn! It doesn’t matter how old you are, it sucks to feel duped. As you age, the lies you’re expected to swallow eventually grow to whopper proportions. And the liars get better and better too. Many of the more proficient, eventually gravitate into sales and marketing, where through the ages they’ve employed their dark arts to create masterful phrases like “New and Improved”, and “your results may vary”. They’ve also infiltrated education, religion, arts and entertainment. Pretty much anywhere there’s an audience with an appetite for bamboozlement. But the absolute cream of this fingers-crossed crop, always seems to rise to the surface in the bubbling cauldron of politics. Here in America, “land of the free” and all that, our political system has evolved (devolved?) to the point that we now bring all these various lying factions together every four years for one big, made-for-television, primetime extravaganza called “The Presidential Race”. Please don’t confuse it with “The Amazing Race” on CBS. One, of course, is “reality television programing”, where week by week the audience divides themselves into rabid followers of the various clichéd, comic-book contestants. The other is … well... The original election idea was pretty simple. People vote. Highest vote getter wins. But then the liars got their sleight-of-hands in. To make things “more fair”, how about if from now on we’ll vote for some “electoral collegiates”. Then, we’ll let them vote for us. That’ll fix it! And it did. It made things just complicated enough for the liars to work with impunity. It was the 1960 Election between Kennedy and Nixon, when the TV folks first figured out how effectively that medium could move the masses. And brother, they haven’t looked back once. In the generations since, they carefully observed the viewing habits of Americans, and now produce the kind of “must see” programming, sure to keep every dial tuned in. A little known fact is how they first looked to professional wrestling. The “baby faces” and the “heels”, each have passionate fan bases and both know just the emotional hot buttons to push when the arena needs a boost of energy. They know how to dish it out but they also have to know how to take a fall without being counted out. And all, without disrupting the delicate suspension of the faithful’s disbelief. Sound familiar? We can’t be sure of the exact circumstances, but the way I picture it, it’s the 80’s, there’s a table of Hollywood money types kvetching over their specials of the day, when the proverbial lightbulbs go off over their heads. Reality programming! “We’ll throw random characters together in some contrived situation
and watch what happens. Instead of high paid actors and high priced writers, we just grab up the most extreme clichéd knuckleheads of every stripe, and put them in a house or something. We make ‘em sing! Make ‘em dance! Make ‘em race! We’ll pay them squat till they get greedy. Then, anytime we want, we can just vote them off the island, or whatever. While we sit back and watch America pick sides. We make ‘em care! Americans love to care. They’re wired that way. Then, we make ‘em feel like their level of caring can affect the outcome!” “It’s genius!” they exclaim, as they unknowingly alter the fate of the free world forever. Because we do love to care about stuff and we also love to vote! (At least as long as we can do it from our prepaid phones.) We’ll vote often if you let us! Heck, we’ll pay for the privilege! At only 75 cents a call, we can vote for our favorite idol/dancer/candidate, as many times as our zealotry and our debit cards allow. Now, after so many seasons/election cycles, the “programmers” pretty much control everything. Not like thought-control so much, it’s more like providing specific channels for however you happen to think. There’s a network for every demographic and multiple choices for many, each preaching to their own narrowly focused choir. The story arc on the 2016 Presidential Race is headed for summer reruns, before peaking with the conventions, then steaming toward the giant, technicolor finale this November. This one will go down in history as the “Meme Campaign”, when supporters of every candidate suffered a new form of mass hysteria, where they incredulously, believed their entry-level Photoshop skills and LaffyTaffy senses of humor would actually sway voters. Thanks so much for participating in our election process. Operators are standing by and every vote counts.
Shannon Bond will be back in this space next month to tell you all about biking in Boston and hiking the Appalacian Trail.
Movie Review
Everybody Wants Some by Lisa Erdman
Every college kid from the 80s is sure to love “Everybody Wants Some”, Richard Linklater’s latest film. Just as “Dazed & Confused” was a nod to the director’s high school experience, “Everybody Wants Some” is a summation of his college years. The opening scene takes us to a fictional Texas campus as seen through the eyes of the film’s main star, Jake – a freshman baseball player. Within minutes we have met the rest of the team, and it’s a cast of characters we won’t soon forget. It wouldn’t be easy to handle such an ensemble cast, but Linklater is the man for the job. The soundtrack alone is enough to send everyone on a trip back in time. The cars, the clothes, the hair – everything is styled to perfection. Everybody Wants Some in hilarious – and quite nostalgic. It’s also one of the best movies I have seen so far this year. I had the chance to meet three of the actors from the movie a couple of weeks ago at the Kansas City premier. Super nice guys. Everybody Wants Some is Rated R. Follow BFCA Film Critic Lisa Erdman on all social media @take2review for more movie reviews and news.
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