A Time to Change 7 Day Plan by Sharon Gregory

to Cha e ng m i T e

NLP • Hypnotherapy • Meditation

A TIME TO CHANGE This is your (only) life; tools for living the life you know you were meant to live 10 hours of web based downloadable multi media therapeutic tools and techniques drawing on the latest amazing findings in the disciplines of cognitive neuropsychology, mindfulness, positive and health psychology – using mindful hypnotherapy, guided meditations, NLP and self reflection exercises. If you don’t have the time, commitment or funds to embark on seven sessions with a practitioner this programme is the very best possible chance you can give yourself to get over, get through or get around to a change in your life!

CONTENTS What to Expect

Session 1

Stress and psychological resilience

Session 2

Meditation and the science of willpower

Session 3

Mindfulness practices; supporting right actions and right choices

Session 4

Self compassion and acceptance; why bother?

Session 5

NLP to change your mind

Session 6

Hypnotherapy to keep the changes

Session 7

Dreams; Building castles in the sky

Homework and Refections

©Sharon Gregory 2013

WHAT TO EXPECT WHAT TO EXPECT AUDIO RECORDING Welcome to the 7 day ‘A Time to Change’ web based programme. The programme equates to 7 therapeutic one and a half hour sessions (approximately) with me in which I will teach you the most effective current techniques to enable to prepare your mind for change by listening to audio recordings, participating in guided NLP, meditation and mindful hypnotherapy sessions and carrying out some brief self reflection exercises. You can spend as little as 10 minutes a day on this programme or work at a more powerful pace by carrying out all of the exercises every day. Either way, I can promise you that even after just one week you will begin to feel more optimistic, energised, capable and resourceful than you have in a very long time. You will be able to continue to download and utilise the tools I provide every day for the rest of your life if you choose, and I will provide you with plenty of guidance towards new learnings and tools from the current psychologists, scientists and writers that have inspired the development of this programme. I will also continue to update all of my material and you will have life time access to the updates at no additional cost. This programme won’t solve all your problems straight away but expect to feel energised, resourceful, capable and more than ready to embark on your planned changes

SO WHY PARTICIPATE IN THIS PROGRAMME RATHER THAN VISIT A THERAPIST? Well, the obvious first answer is cost. Seven sessions with an NLP practitioner, hypnotherapist or psychotherapist would be at least £350 to £500. It also provides you with more privacy and the ability to work at your own pace in order to get the full benefits from some of the exercises. Many people find hypnotherapy much more powerful when they are alone and without a therapist in the room and the same goes for NLP – some of you will find your mind and imagination will be much more relaxed and so much more resourceful and creative if you listen to the recordings and carry out the exercises alone at a time and place that works for you. For each of you that will be a different experience and the therapists couch is not always the best most resourceful place to be!

SO WHO IS THIS PROGRAMME AIMED AT? Anyone at all. Some of you listening to me now (or reading!) may have problems such as anxiety, phobias, compulsions, addictions or serious depression. But its just as possible that one or more of the following statements resonate for you; •

You spend most of your day on ‘automatic pilot’ not quite noticing the reasons why you do the things you do but simply ‘getting through’ the day.

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You have the feeling that yours is a life ‘half lived’ or something is just not quite right – you feel yourself hankering for something missing in your life but just don’t know what it is.

©Sharon Gregory 2013

What to expect •

You spend a lot of time thinking about making changes in your life, writing down lists, plans, timetables all describing what you plan to do but in reality you simply carry on doing the same things, making the same choices – again almost as if you are on ‘automatic pilot’.

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Or you simply feel ‘stuck’ – you know exactly what you want to achieve, even what you should do to get there BUT you just need some help and support to get there.

If anything I have just described resonates with you this programme will help move you forward. Low in monetary and time costs it may well be the springboard into your new life.

SO HOW DOES IT WORK? The programme is based on; •

The most recent neuroscience, mindfulness based cognitive psychology, cognitive neuropsychology, positive and health psychology research findings from eminent University’s around the world (websites to read the detailed scientific findings are detailed on my ‘further reading’ section of my website).

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My own professional experience as a therapist, NLP practitioner and hypnotherapist in terms of the ‘tools’ which are most effective.

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My work and subsequently this programme are based on the belief that most of us grow up hoping that we will always have strong and healthy bodies, financial security, a balance of purpose and pleasure in our lives and of course to be able to love and be loved!

The reality of life is that most of us rarely have all of the above for all of our lives – and sometimes when we finally do find it we don’t recognise or appreciate what we have because we have developed ‘coping strategies’ that blind us to our good fortune (because we are so angry, distrustful, bitter, drunk, intoxicated, driven by compulsions and cravings – the list goes on...) And of course the happiest most balanced people I have ever met don’t necessarily have all or any of the above but what they do have (and the research backs it up) is the following; •

An ability to manage their physiological responses to stress

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Self compassion and acceptance of where they are at in their lives and who they are

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Emotional resilience and a clear enjoyment of their adventures in life including an ability to cope with challenges

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Emotional intelligence; a belief that solutions to perceived problems lie only within themselves and the ability to build and maintain health relationships with themselves and others

©Sharon Gregory 2013

What to expect SO HOW DO THESE TECHNIQUES WORK Meditation changes the functioning of our brain so that we are much more able to ‘pause and plan’ before we act. It stops us from responding ‘automatically’ to the world around us by repeating limiting patterns of behaviour (I’ll often describe these as ‘wrong actions’). If we think of the will to achieve our goals as a muscle, therefore practicing meditation strengthens this muscle. Throughout the rest of the day after meditating we are much more likely to remember our goals and so take ‘right actions’. Mindful hypnotherapy builds our capacity for change by allowing the conscious mind to ‘let go’ for a few minutes each day and letting the unconscious mind be guided by the hypnotherapy recording to prepare itself for change, healing and growth. The second hypnotherapy recording uses positive suggestions to prepare the unconscious mind for actual change. It works on the premise that the unconscious mind doesn’t really know the difference between a real or imagined event. You only have to think of a frightening moment in your life to be ‘back there in the moment’ feeling the rush of adrenaline and your heart racing. Hypnotherapy utilises your minds capacity to embed memories of positive experiences in your unconscious mind thus preparing you for change. Finally, guided self-acceptance exercises will build your resilience providing your unconscious mind with unconditional support and regard – much as you give to those you love in your life – don’t you deserve it too?

WHAT WILL I ACTUALLY DO EACH DAY? Each day there will be a 5 to 10 minute audio recording to listen to in which I educate your conscious mind about the fascinating and encouraging new developments in the psychological disciplines. These developments provide scientific evidence to support the premise that we can change our minds and respond differently to the world around us. For those of you who want to find out more about the science and research into these topics you will find plenty of links on my website. I will endeavour to quote all of my sources as I am not a research psychologist and will always be referencing the work of others. Forgive me if I miss a reference – it is never intentional and I’m happy to be reminded if I miss a key reference for the psychologists and therapists amongst you. You can listen to this part of the programme at any time and as often as you wish – so whilst you’re in the shower, eating your breakfast or getting ready for the start of your day... The second part of the each session on the programme will be working on supporting the encouragement of change in your unconscious mind i.e. the part of your mind which works automatically – for good when it does things like remind your body to breath at night – and for not so good purposes when it directs your hand to reach seemingly automatically for that glass of wine/cigarette/piece of cake, or whatever your default response to the challenges of your day is… This part of the programme each day will include either a hypnotherapy recording, a guided NLP exercise or a guided meditation exercise and will normally last between 5 and 15 minutes. The hypnotherapy recordings are slightly longer and are designed to be listened to at any time of the day as many times as you find useful. These sessions need to be listened to at a time and place when you won’t be disturbed and preferably can close your eyes and be still for a short while. Lastly, each day will end with a series of short written self-reflection exercises for you to complete. Research has shown that when we write things down we absorb the learning on many more levels and we are also much more likely to carry out plans which we write down as well as simply talk about.

©Sharon Gregory 2013

What to expect So, if you are ready to begin this programme my only health warning would be to those of you under medical supervision. This programme is not a substitute for proper diagnosis and treatment of recognised mental health conditions. It can act as a powerful complement working alongside conventional treatments but please do talk to your supervising clinician before you embark on this programme. You may be surprised – he or she may be very happy to share this journey with you.... And if you want to find out more or move a step further forward after you have completed this programme there are a number of ways you could do so; You could book a series of one to one sessions with me by skype, telephone or in one of my four clinic locations and I can either coach you through this programme or we can start at your beginning and see where we end up! If you love to read there is a long reading list on my website referencing all of the scientists, psychologists and others that have inspired me and contributed to the development of my practice. If you like to surf the net lots of the scientists and psychologists and authors I mention have websites with free exercises and material to download – again there are links to them all on my website. If you would like to participate in a longer more in-depth web based programme try looking at the www.soundstrue.com website – there are some great programmes and downloadable materials there. If you can spare the time and expense fully immerse yourself in a self development programme or a retreat like the ‘Grayshott Programme’ at Grayshott Spa (www.grayshottspa.com) – a seven day intensive programme designed to restore optimum health and wellbeing for clients (if you live in Europe or can afford a trip to visit us!) or spend some time on one of the amazing Omega Institute (www.eomega.org) programmes in NYC (if NYC is too far from you contact them and see who they can recommend locally to you). Take yourself away for a week and work on you – you deserve it!! But for now all I can do is wish for you a life changing experience and please tell me about it via the link on my website. Your stories as well as those of my amazing clients inspire me to carry on. Remember – You are what you want to be, you just haven’t learnt how yet... So if I were to give you some top tips to make this the most powerful experience ever I’d say; •

Give yourself half an hour at the beginning and end of each day to participate in and really absorb the messages in this programme

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Get lots of sleep and create some life enhancing gentle routines for the week

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Turn off the TV and find some inspiring books to read before you sleep ‘ Miss Pettigrew lives for the day’ or Dan Millman ‘ the way of the sacred warrior’ are my personal favourites

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Find a buddy who’ll do it with you and share your experiences as you go along

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Purchase a really nice piece of stationary and keep a note of your dreams on your journey

©Sharon Gregory 2013

What to expect

ABOUT ME – Sharon Gregory I’m a psychotherapist working in the South East of England, 30 miles south of London. I practice from my own offices and in three other locations including the idyllic Grayshott Spa (www.grayshottspa.com). I practice one to one, via Skype to clients around the world and deliver lectures to guests on the Grayshott spa programme… I am a trained hypnotherapist, NLP and EFT practitioner as well as having a degree in psychology. As you will probably have guessed by now my passion is understanding how the human mind works and particularly the interaction with our bodies and what happens to our wellbeing when the two lose their connection. I practice yoga most days to ensure my own connection. I feel very privileged to have spent several decades indulging my love of a subject which never bores me and am committed to sharing my learning with others – there is nothing as inspiring to me as seeing the tools I have learnt acted out in reality and watching peoples lives change before my very eyes. I have also worked in corporate worlds as a coach, leadership skills trainer and HR consultant. The only down side for me in developing this programme is that I won’t witness those life changing moments for myself. Please do make use of my feedback page – I don’t want your feedback just for website testimonials – I selfishly need your feedback to inspire me to carry on. You’ll need to know about my credentials. I am an accredited member of the following organisations and thus bound by their codes of conduct in terms of professional conduct and keeping up to date and you can check my credentials on these websites: •

American Board of NLP Practitioners and hypnotherapists – www.abh-abnlp.com

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National Council of Psychotherapists – www.thencp.org

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British Institute of Hypnotherapy – www.britishinstituteofhypnotherapy-nlp.com

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The Complementary and Natural Healthcare Council – www.cnhc.org.uk

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Chartered Institute of Personnel Development – www.cipd.co.uk

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British Psychological Society – www.bps.org.uk

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Association for the Advancement of Meridian Energy Techniques – www.aamet.org

©Sharon Gregory 2013

Day

Stress and Psychological Resilience

Today’s topics •

What is stress?

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When stress is good for us?

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What stress does to our bodies

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What are your stressors?

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Who would you be without your stress? SHORT TALK – AUDIO RECORDING HYPNOTHERAPY RECORDING – Listen to this as often as possible – it is designed to prepare your mind for change, build your resolve and confidence in your success HOMEWORK SESSION 1 – WHAT ARE YOUR STRESSORS?

Take a few moments to think about these. Don’t assume that just because we’re told that ‘moving house’ is high on the list of potential ‘stressors’ that this is the case for you. Sit for a moment and think about the times in your day when your heart races, your stomach churns or the moment just before you make those wrong choices or decisions about what to do next (as perceived by you NOT by those around you). Here is a list of possible stressors – they are in no particular order and they are a mix of events, feelings and situations. Circle those that resonate for you and add any others if I have missed your stressor; •

Illhealth

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Divorce

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Workload

©Sharon Gregory 2013

1. Stress and psychological resilience •

Redundancy

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Bullying/harassment

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Tiredness

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Relationship difficulties

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Sick dependents

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Anger

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Ruminating about the past

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Addictions

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Unemployment

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Dislike of your body

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Parenthood

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Bereavement

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Moving house

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Financial pressures

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Self doubt

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Critical inner voice

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Low mood

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Sleep problems

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Fear of the future

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Flashbacks to frightening memories

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Cravings

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Weight problems

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Living with someone with mental health problems

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Unhappiness at work

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What about you?

• • • •

©Sharon Gregory 2013

1. Stress and psychological resilience WHO WOULD YOU BE WITHOUT YOUR STRESS? This is an important part of the beginning of your journey. It’s the part where you begin to explore what life might be like without your ‘stressor/s’. When answering the following questions remember that it is essential that you describe your stressor in terms of your thoughts about it rather than the fact/event itself – for example if your stressor is ‘financial worries’ then for the purposes of this exercise you should describe it as ‘ the thoughts and feelings of fear and worry about the future that I have about my financial situation.’ It is important that you describe the situation in terms of how you feel and think about it rather than ‘what is’ because this is your starting point for considering the possibility that you might be able to change how you think about the situation. Don’t worry about reflecting on the statement I just made. It will feel counterintuitive at the moment and your mind will reject the notion. Just find yourself a quite space and take your time to properly sit with and think about the following questions before you answer them; WHY do you want to live your life without your stressor/s?

WHAT might your life be like without your stressor/s?

WHO will you be without it?

HOW will you know when you no longer have your stressor/s?

©Sharon Gregory 2013

1. Stress and psychological resilience WHAT could happen to your life after the stressor/s have gone?

WHAT resources do you already have in your life to help you achieve this outcome ie time, friendships, books, this programme, a retreat?

WHAT further resources do you think you might need to achieve this outcome?

WHAT are you going to do now to get hold of those resources?

HOW will achieving this outcome effect those around you? Will it be positive for them?

Do you need to take any further steps to prepare yourself and others in your life for the changes you are about to embark on?

A WELL DONE ! You’ve just completed your first session. Allow yourself at least 24 hours before you embark on the next session – give your mind time to process and reflect on todays work. ©Sharon Gregory 2013

1. Stress and psychological resilience

If you’re inspired to read or learn more I suggest the following books and websites: • • • • •

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When the body says no; Exploring the Stress-Disease connection – Gabor Mate (2013) The body bears the burden; trauma, dissociation, and disease, second edition – C Scaer Robert (2007) ‘Loving what is’ by Byron Katie – available on Amazon www.thework.com - Byron Katie’s website – amazing stuff but beware you need time to properly engage with her material – it is truly inspirational! Judge-your-neighbour worksheet App (for ipad) – Byron Katie’s app which allows you to record your stressful thoughts and investigate each one of them using the four ‘turnarounds’ of the work of Byron Katie Full catastrophe living ; How to cope with stress,pain and illness using mindfulness meditation – Jon Kabat Zinn (2001) – a wonderful introduction to the next topic – healing and inspiring – a very popular book amongst clinicians and therapists. If you prefer to watch a video both TED and Google talks are all on You Tube – go to You Tube and watch the following;

• •

John Medina – Brain Rules – how does the brain work? What exactly do sleep and stress do to our brains? Jon Kabat Zinn: Mindfulness, Stress Reduction and Healing

©Sharon Gregory 2013

Day

Meditation and The Science of Willpower

Topics; •

Hormones and willpower

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Why stress is incompatible with self control

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The process of paying attention to urges and compulsions

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‘Wanting’ is not the same as ‘happiness’

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How meditation strengthens the willpower ‘muscle’

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A new beginning: finding mindful moments SHORT TALK -AUDIO RECORDING

GUIDED MINDFUL PRACTICE – OBSERVING THE ‘I WANT’ MOMENTS HOMEWORK SESSION 2 For this homework I’d like you to write a short letter to your future self in which you describe the changes that you have made in your life and why you decided to make them – date the letter for any period of time in the future and put it where you can find it easily. Every time you are faced with making a choice that will NOT help you make these changes take a mandatory five minutes away from the decision – if you can, do something else during that time – best of all look at your letter but if you don’t have it to hand that is fine too – what is important is to make no judgements about the situation (because that will trigger a stress response) – simply let it be as it is – thinking of this as a gentle mental exercise much like swimming lengths in the pool is a physical exercise … Then come back to your choice/decision and ask yourself ‘are you willing to give up your longer term plans dreams in exchange for whatever fleeting pleasure is tempting you now??’ If you can, record in this journal reflections on this practice and try it as often as you need to – remember the more often you are faced with temptation the more you strengthen and increase the power of your will power muscle!

©Sharon Gregory 2013

2. Meditation and the science of willpower

A WELL DONE! You have now completed day three and tried your first mindful practice. Listen to the hypnotherapy recording again today if you have time and as always do leave at least 24 hours before you embark on the third session. For those of you inspired to read more I’d recommend the following two amazing scientists, their books and their website; • • •

‘Maximum Willpower’ – Kelly McGonigal (2012)– the science in an accessible style www.kellymconigal.com - lots of great free material to download ‘The Emotional Life of the Brain’ – Richard J Davidson (2013)– for more science in an accessible form For those of you who prefer videos some great lectures and discussions on You Tube - go to

• • •

Authors@Google; Kelly McGonigal Can mindfulness increase our resilience to stress – Richard Davidison Transform Your Mind, Change your Brain – GoogleTechTalks

©Sharon Gregory 2013

Day

Mindfulness Practices

Topics •

What is mindfulness?

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Building wellbeing and emotional intelligence through mindfulness

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Increasing emotional resilience

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The neuroplasticity of our brains

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Ending lifelong patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving with mindfulness

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Build your own practice SHORT TALK – AUDIO RECORDING

GUIDED MEDITATION – BUILDING EMOTIONAL RESILIENCE HOMEWORK SESSION 3 Your homework for this session is to note down the physical sensations you experience during the guided meditation exercise either here or in your own journal

A WELL DONE! You’ve just completed session three

©Sharon Gregory 2013

3. Mindfulness Practices

If you want to read more there are so many resources now as mindfulness practices become more and more mainstream. Here are a few of my favourites alongside great websites and videos. • • • • •

The Mindfulness Breakthrough; the revolutionary approach to dealing with stress, anxiety and depression, Sarah Silverton (2012) – the best introductory text I’ve come across. Where ever you go there you are by Jon Kabat Zinn – inspiring and poetic Mindfulness: A practical guide to finding peace in a frantic world by Mark Williams and Danny Penman Search Inside Yourself – Chade Meng Tan – for all you left brain thinkers - written by a Google engineer describing a mindful practices programme still running today for Google employees Mindful.org – a wealth of resources and guidance For the video lovers amongst you it was hard to pick my favourites but here are a few all on You Tube

• • • •

Phillipe Goldin, the neuroscience of Emotions - Google Daniel Goleman, emotional intelligence – Google Jon Kabat Zinn ; Mindfulness meditation Richard Davidson; Becoming Conscious; the science of mindfulness

If you’re serious about developing your mindful practices then the websites to start at for advice about training and studying are; • • • •

www.bemindful.co.uk www.bemindful.com.au www.oxfordmindfulness.org www.breathworks-mindfulness.org.uk

©Sharon Gregory 2013

Day

Self compassion and acceptance; why bother?

Topics: •

Compassion and emotions: anxiety, anger and forgiveness

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Judging and criticising ourselves and others; the price your mind and body pays

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Forget self esteem; discover loving kindness

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Why should you accept ‘what is’?: what if you don’t like or want it?

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Building emotional intelligence through mindful compassionate practices SHORT TALK AUDIO GUIDED LOVING KINDNESS MEDITATION – AUDIO RECORDING

HOMEWORK SESSION 4 Both of these exercises are based on the wonderful work of Kristen Neff – references below for lots more free downloadable exercises. Excercise 1 Loving Kindness for you: Honour your values Either here, in your journal or somewhere safe I’d like you to look at the following list of common values and pick out the three that you think matter most to you in your life today and which guide the choices you make each day. If your values are not on the list that is fine. I just want you to write about one of the values for 10 minutes – describing why it is important to you and a particular time recently when you used this value to guide you in making a difficult decision or choice;

©Sharon Gregory 2013

4. Self compassion and acceptance; why bother? •

Acceptance

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Accountability

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Beauty

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Challenge

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Commitment

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Community

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Compassion

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Courage

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Curiosity

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Creativity

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Discipline

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Equality

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Excellence

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Fairness

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Faith/religion

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Family

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Freedom

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Friendship

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Fun

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Generosity

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Honesty

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Honor

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Integrity

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Loyality

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Mindfulness

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Openness

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Peace

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Purpose

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Strength

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Trust

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Wisdom

©Sharon Gregory 2013

4. Self compassion and acceptance; why bother? Excercise 2 A letter to a friend (YOU!) An exercise in self compassion Bring to mind a recent difficult experience or some kind of unhappiness or suffering which is in your life right now. It could be a set back you’ve had in reaching a goal. Write a letter to yourself in the second person (as if you were writing to a friend),about this experience, following these guidelines. 1 MINDFULNESS – Allow yourself to remember the situation or think about your pain. Then acknowledge your feelings or thoughts as well as what you were hoping for as a desired outcome eg. ‘ Dear Louise, I know that you are feeling upset and disappointed with yourself. You really were looking forward to spending a nice evening with your husband. I know that you really want to connect with him and share the enjoyment you have in your family life ….. 2 OFFER SYMPATHY AND A MESSAGE OF COMMON HUMANITY – eg.. ‘we all make mistakes.. everyone fails and gets angry… it was part of being human and part of living with someone else…. 3 GIVE SUPPORTIVE ADVICE AND ENCOURAGEMENT – What would you say to a good friend in this situation, someone you believed in and wanted the best for? Eg.. ‘I can see he provoked you so don’t be too hard on yourself… you tried and there will be plenty more opportunities to try… you know he loves you …. Anyone can see that… maybe you did burn the dinner.. and maybe he forgot that it doesn’t really matter and that it doesn’t mean you don’t love him…. It’s actually quite funny when you look at it from another angle… he is so funny … remember you told me once that’s the quality you love about him most… ….’ After writing the letter, consider reading it out loud to yourself, or putting it away for sometime and bringing it out when you feel in need of some self-compassion.

A WELL DONE! There is plenty of inspirational material available on the disciplines of compassion and self acceptance. •

•

Starting with books I want to record at the top of my list the author that brought me back to my love of Psychology – ‘The Compassionate Mind’ by Professor Paul Gilbert (2010) – this book provides a powerful bridge between the science, therapeutic practice and a book that any non psychologist will enjoy. Self Compassion; stop beating yourself up and leave insecurity behind by Kristen Neff (2011) – the definitive guide for me with lots of practical exercises. This is the book I most often give to my clients as they leave me. Videos to watch on You Tube are;

• • •

The space between self-esteem ad self compassion: Kristin Neff TEDxTalks Why self compassion matters, and how to develop it – Kelly Mcgonigal ‘This kind of compulsive concern with ‘I, me and mine’ isn’t the same as loving ourselves….loving ourselves points us to capacities of resilience, compassion, and understanding within that are simply part of being alive.’ Sharon Salzberg, The Force of Kindness

©Sharon Gregory 2013

Day

Neurolinguistic Programming to change your mind

Topics •

What is neurolinguistic programming?

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NLP and the neuroplasticity of our brains

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The conscious and unconscious mind

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Memories – real or imagined?

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Overcoming self sabotage with NLP

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Creating a new future with NLP SHORT AUDIO TALK GUIDED NLP EXERCISE ONE – Current State/Desired State (AUDIO) GUIDED NLP EXERCISE TWO – Working with barriers to change (AUDIO) HOMEWORK SESSION 5

Either here or in your journal write down the qualities you saw when you imagined yourself in the ‘desired state’ in the first guided exercise. What did having those qualities feel like? Record your recollection. Do you know anybody else who has these qualities? If you do, take care over the next few days to observe how they act out these qualities – their facial expressions, how they walk, talk, hold themselves. Try practicing the same mannerisms in the privacy of your home in front of a mirror – this is fun – enjoy!

©Sharon Gregory 2013

5. Neurolistic programming to change your mind

A WELL DONE! Further reading; There are so many excellent books, websites, podcasts – I’ve picked just a few of the most accessible on an entirely subjective basis but tried to pick those with lots of practical exercises for you to experience My 4 favourite NLP books are •

Richard Bandler’s ‘Guide to Transformation’

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Change your Mind and Keep the Change – Steve Andreas and Connirae Andreas

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Heart of the Mind; Engaging your inner power to Change with NLP – Connierae Andreas and Steve Andreas

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- The Ultimate Introduction to NLP: How to build a successful life: The secret to living life happily by Richard Bandler, Alessio Roberti and Owen Fitzpatrick (2013) – A perfect first NLP book to read – even better listen to it as an audible book narrated by Owen Fitzpatrick (www.audible.com) Having done my fair share of surfing You Tube I still think the vintage Richard Bandler (one of the founding masters of NLP) videos are amongst the best and most inspiring – just type ‘Richard Bandler’ into your search engine.

©Sharon Gregory 2013

Day

Hypnotherapy to keep the changes

Topics •

What is hypnotherapy?

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What isn’t hypnotherapy?

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The answers always lie within you

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Real and imagined experiences

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Hypnotherapy to speed up the change process SHORT TALK (AUDIO) FINAL HYPNOTHERAPY RECORDING – Embedding all the learning from the previous sessions and preparing your mind for a new future HOMEWORK SESSION 6

Start to dream - as you drift to sleep tonight ask yourself these questions…. WHAT (do I want) HOW (will I get it) – remember to continue to repeat the guided meditations, NLP exercises and hypnotherapy recordings in this programme throughout the coming weeks and months WHEN (will I start) And when you wake up in the morning (or whenever you have time before you start our final session) I want you to write a LETTER to your future self in the second person again using this guidance; 1 Pick a point in the future when you would like to have completed your changes. 2 Write a letter to your future self in the second person congratulating yourself for all that you have achieved . 3 Tell your future self what impressed you about your actions and what you think you had to overcome. 4 Express belief in the ability of your future self to achieve anything you set your mind to achieve. (Put this letter away and take it out and read it after you have achieved your plans – or take it out and change it if your plans change – it really doesn’t matter – the important thing is that you have recognised and engaged in dialogue with your future self) NOTE – If you find this difficult at first think of an achievement of a loved one and write a letter to them following these guidelines. Then follow the same format but change the ‘achievement’ to your goal. I’m not going to suggest further reading for this session – unless you want to train as a hypnotherapist – in which case just make sure any course you consider is covered by a reputable governing body for hypnotherapy. ©Sharon Gregory 2013

Day

Building Castles in the Sky; The importance of dreaming

Today is all about building castles in the sky - making dreams and maps to get to the places you want to be

Topics Covered; •

Plans and promises

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The purpose of fear

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When adversity is a good thing

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Increasing the desire to succeed

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Improving mental flexibility

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Loving what is HOMEWORK SESSION 7

This will be simple and brief – it doesn’t need to be complicated and the promises you record need to be concise enough for your mind to retain the details at all times – Answer the following questions and keep the answers somewhere visible for you! •

WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?

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WHEN WILL I START?

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HOW AM I GOING TO DO IT?

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WHAT HELP DO I NEED TO DO IT?

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WHEN WILL I KNOW I HAVE GOT IT?

©Sharon Gregory 2013

To give you a guide I’ve given the example of weight loss below but it could be anything at all – you just need to have a goal that is internally focused (ie it has to be something ONLY you can do and does not require someone else to do something) and which you can visualise clearly, a plan for getting there (a map in other words!), and be able to build a strong DESIRE to get to that goal (using whatever tools necessary – support groups, this programme, professional support, friendships whatever you need…) •

WHAT – Lose 28lbs in weight

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WHEN – Starting tomorrow and ending in 4 months

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HOW – I will join an online weightloss group

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WHAT – I need friends to support me, to avoid restaurants for 3 weeks at least, listen to my meditation and hypnotherapy recordings every day, to have a regular time when I logon to the weight loss website for recipe ideas and inspiration, to plan my meals in advance each week

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WHEN – I will fit into my favourite new dress again! If you want to read more about setting goals again there are lots of good books to choose from as it seems to be a highly popular subject for self help books today! I’ve listed the ones I’ve found personally and professionally most useful;

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Fiona Harrold – a great coach – any of her books will be helpful Paul McKenna – any of his books will help you goal set and as he covers a multitude of possible issues from weight loss to ‘I can mend your broken heart’ give him a try. His practical exercises are easy to follow and do work! I’d also like to recommend if you have time two inspiring videos on You Tube that will lend yet more scientific weight to your decision to continue to utilise the tools in this programme (if you haven’t done so already)

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Daniel Siegel: MindSight:The New Science of Personal Transformation – Google talks Matthieu Ricard: The Inner Conditions for Authentic Happiness – Google Talks

Enjoy, and remember to tell me how you get on via the feedback pageon my website… I’d like to end with a quote to inspire you as you take your next steps forward from Ghandi, a man with very little material possessions but in possession of a profound sense of rightness and peace with the world around him. I’d ask you to read these words slowly and absorb their true meaning in relation to the work you have done in these sessions and the work you plan to commence…

Your beliefs become your thoughts. Your thoughts become your words, Your words become your actions, Your actions become your habits, Your habits become your values, Your values become your destiny

“ ©Sharon Gregory 2013

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Homework and Reflections HOMEWORK SESSION 1 – WHAT ARE YOUR STRESSORS? Take a few moments to think about this questions. Don’t assume that just because we’re told that ‘moving house’ is high on the list of potential ‘stressors’ that this is the case for you. Sit for a moment and think about the times in your day when your heart races, your stomach churns or the moment just before you make those wrong choices or decisions about what to do next (as perceived by you NOT by those around you). Here is a list of possible stressors – they are in no particular order and they are a mix of events, feelings and situations. Circle those that resonate for you and add any others if I have missed your stressor; •

Illhealth

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Divorce

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Workload

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Redundancy

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Bullying/harassment

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Tiredness

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Relationship difficulties

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Sick dependents

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Anger

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Ruminating about the past

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Addictions

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Unemployment

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Dislike of your body

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Parenthood

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Bereavement

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Moving house

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Financial pressures

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Self doubt

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Critical inner voice

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Low mood

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Sleep problems

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Fear of the future

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Flashbacks to frightening memories

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Cravings

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Weight problems

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Living with someone with mental health problems

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Unhappiness at work

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What about you?

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WHO WOULD YOU BE WITHOUT YOUR STRESS? This is an important part of the beginning of your journey. It’s the part where you begin to explore what life might be like without your ‘stressor/s’. When answering the following questions remember that it is essential that you describe your stressor in terms of your thoughts about it rather than the fact/event itself – for example if your stressor is ‘financial worries’ then for the purposes of this exercise you should describe it as ‘ the thoughts and feelings of fear and worry about the future that I have about my financial situation.’ It is important that you describe the situation in terms of how you feel and think about it rather than ‘what is’ because this is your starting point for considering the possibility that you might be able to change how you think about the situation. Don’t worry about reflecting on the statement I just made. It will feel counterintuitive at the moment and your mind will reject the notion. Just find yourself a quite space and take your time to properly sit with and think about the following questions before you answer them; WHY do you want to live your life without your stressor/s?

WHAT might your life be like without your stressor/s?

WHO will you be without it?

HOW will you know when you no longer have your stressor/s?

WHAT could happen to your life after the stressor/s have gone?

WHAT resources do you already have in your life to help you achieve this outcome ie time, friendships, books, this programme, a retreat?

WHAT further resources do you think you might need to achieve this outcome?

WHAT are you going to do now to get hold of those resources?

HOW will achieving this outcome effect those around you? Will it be positive for them?

Do you need to take any further steps to prepare yourself and others in your life for the changes you are about to embark on?

ÂŠSharon Gregory 2013

A WELL DONE ! You’ve just completed your first session. Allow yourself at least 24 hours before you embark on the next session – give your mind time to process and reflect on todays work.

HOMEWORK SESSION 2 For this homework I’d like you to write a short letter to your future self in which you describe the changes that you have made in your life and why you decided to make them – date the letter for any period of time in the future and put it where you can find it easily. Every time you are faced with making a choice that will NOT help you make these changes take a mandatory 5 minutes away from the decision – if you can do something else during that time – best of all look at your letter but if you don’t have it to hand that is fine too– what is important is to make no judgements about the situation (because that will trigger a stress response)– simply let it be as it is – thinking of this as a gentle mental exercise much like swimming lengths in the pool is a physical exercise … Then come back to your choice/decision and ask yourself ‘are you willing to give up your longer term plans dreams in exchange for whatever fleeting pleasure is tempting you now?? If you can, record in this journal reflections on this practice and try it as often as you need to - remember the more often you are faced with temptation the more you strengthen and increase the power of your will power muscle!

HOMEWORK SESSION 3 Your homework for this session is to note down the physical sensations you experience during the guided meditation exercise either here or in your own journal.

A WELL DONE! You’ve just completed session three

Acceptance

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Accountability

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Beauty

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Challenge

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Commitment

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Community

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Compassion

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Courage

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Curiosity

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Creativity

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Discipline

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Equality

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Excellence

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Fairness

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Faith/religion

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Family

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Freedom

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Friendship

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Fun

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Generosity

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Honesty

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Honor

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Integrity

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Loyality

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Mindfulness

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Openness

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Peace

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Purpose

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Strength

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Trust

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Wisdom

Excercise 2 A letter to a friend (YOU!) An exercise in self compassion Bring to mind a recent difficult experience or some kind of unhappiness or suffering which is in your life right now. It could be a set back you’ve had in reaching a goal. Write a letter to yourself in the second person (as if you were writing to a friend),about this experience, following these guidelines. ©Sharon Gregory 2013

1 MINDFULNESS – Allow yourself to remember the situation or think about your pain. Then acknowledge your feelings or thoughts as well as what you were hoping for as a desired outcome eg. ‘ Dear Louise, I know that you are feeling upset and disappointed with yourself. You really were looking forward to spending a nice evening with your husband. I know that you really want to connect with him and share the enjoyment you have in your family life ….. 2 OFFER SYMPATHY AND A MESSAGE OF COMMON HUMANITY – eg.. ‘we all make mistakes.. everyone fails and gets angry… it was part of being human and part of living with someone else…. 3 GIVE SUPPORTIVE ADVICE AND ENCOURAGEMENT – What would you say to a good friend in this situation, someone you believed in and wanted the best for? Eg.. ‘I can see he provoked you so don’t be too hard on yourself… you tried and there will be plenty more opportunities to try… you know he loves you …. Anyone can see that… maybe you did burn the dinner.. and maybe he forgot that it doesn’t really matter and that it doesn’t mean you don’t love him…. It’s actually quite funny when you look at it from another angle… he is so funny … remember you told me once that’s the quality you love about him most… ….’ After writing the letter, consider reading it out loud to yourself, or putting it away for sometime and bringing it out when you feel in need of some self-compassion.

A WELL DONE!

HOMEWORK SESSION 5 Either here or in your journal write down the qualities you saw when you imagined yourself in the ‘desired state’ in the first guided exercise. What did having those qualities feel like? Record your recollection. Do you know anybody else who has these qualities? If you do, take care over the next few days to observe how they act out these qualities – their facial expressions, how they walk, talk, hold themselves. Try practicing the same mannerisms in the privacy of your home in front of a mirror – this is fun – enjoy!

A WELL DONE!

HOMEWORK SESSION 6 Start to dream - as you drift to sleep tonight ask yourself these questions…. WHAT (do I want) HOW (will I get it) – remember to continue to repeat the guided meditations, NLP exercises and hypnotherapy recordings in this programme throughout the coming weeks and months ©Sharon Gregory 2013

WHEN (will I start) And when you wake up in the morning (or whenever you have time before you start our final session) I want you to write a LETTER to your future self in the second person again using this guidance; 4 Pick a point in the future when you would like to have completed your changes. 5 Write a letter to your future self in the second person congratulating yourself for all that you have achieved . 6 Tell your future self what impressed you about your actions and what you think you had to overcome. 7 Express belief in the ability of your future self to achieve anything you set your mind to achieve. (Put this letter away and take it out and read it after you have achieved your plans – or take it out and change it if your plans change – it really doesn’t matter – the important thing is that you have recognised and engaged in dialogue with your future self) NOTE – If you find this difficult at first think of an achievement of a loved one and write a letter to them following these guidelines. Then follow the same format but change the ‘achievement’ to your goal. I’m not going to suggest further reading for this session – unless you want to train as a hypnotherapist – in which case go to just make sure any course you consider is covered by a reputable governing body for hypnotherapy.

HOMEWORK SESSION 7 This will be simple and brief – it doesn’t need to be complicated and the promises you record need to be concise enough for your mind to retain the details at all times – Answer the following questions and keep the answers somewhere visible for you! •

WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?

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WHEN WILL I START?

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HOW AM I GOING TO DO IT?

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WHAT HELP DO I NEED TO DO IT?

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WHEN WILL I KNOW I HAVE GOT IT?

WHAT - Lose 28lbs in weight

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WHEN – Starting tomorrow and ending in 4 months

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HOW – I will join an online weightloss group

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WHEN – I will fit into my favourite new dress again!

ÂŠSharon Gregory 2013