LEADERSHIP YOU SHOULD’VE BEEN A BOY

YOU SHOULD’VE BEEN A BOY!

by Gabrielle Battiste

I’m half Italian and half Ukrainian and neither culture is known for encouraging feminism. Women bake bread and men work outside. But I was a tomboy when I was young. I wanted to play with cars, not barbies. I remember my dad making my sister and I a big dollhouse for our birthdays, which were close together, and it was the worst birthday of my life because I wanted a glow in the dark race track set. I immediately shaved all her dolls in retribution. I played chess and liked to compete – I didn’t sew and I didn’t care about dresses.

My Ukrainian grandfather would regularly say to me, “You should’ve been a boy.” Don’t get me wrong – this wasn’t an insult. To him, this was one of the highest compliments he could give me. Back then, I only knew that I had to prove I was better than every boy in order to be able to do the things I wanted, like mowing the lawn and playing with cars. I had two brothers and they got to do the things I wanted to do without even trying. I would read the dictionary to learn the hardest words so I could outsmart my dad. I learned that the work my mom did in the house all day was not as valuable and was somehow…less. So wrong – on so many levels.

Growing up, I was often told how pretty I was, but was incredibly uncomfortable hearing it. It actually became nauseating. To me, that meant people took me even less seriously – especially men. It was a way of passing judgment on my level of intelligence based on my looks. Eventually, I got comfortable wearing dresses and walking in stilettos, and learned to like the way I looked for me – but it took a long time.

Male Dominated Fields

All my life, I’ve worked in male dominated fields – often the only female in a leadership role, or one of only a couple. I’ve put up with innuendo, outright sexism, being talked over or through, and any number of other overt or micro-aggressions. I’ve been Chief Privacy Officer, Chief Ombudsman, Chief Anti-Money Laundering Officer, Chief Complaints Officer, Chief Risk Officer and General Counsel. I’ve helped run $500M organizations and overseen staff of 1-1000. I’ve started organizations to help sex workers and to change the face of policing. I chair Autism Edmonton. Yet, I still don’t feel like I’ve accomplished enough.

Throughout my life, I’ve experienced differing levels of hardship. I’ve been a janitor and sold fruit by the road to make ends meet. I’ve been largely a single parent to my 27-year-old son, who has survived cancer, lives with Type 1 Diabetes and is Autistic. I’ve survived sexual and physical assaults lasting well over a decade – usually while operating in high profile, high stress challenging roles of leadership and accountability.

So…how does that translate into leadership? If I’m constantly questioning my own skills, abilities, experiences and overall competency, how can I effectively lead anyone? I can tell you that leadership is a process. It’s not a state of being at which you simply arrive one day. It’s a long litany of failures and finding the strength to move through the fallout. It’s about building reliance to every weird personal and business curve that life throws at you. It’s being able to adapt and re-build with focus. And most of all, it’s about having a sense of humour and staying hopeful in the face of overwhelming odds. All of which seems very personal and individualized; and not very outward focussed. However, in order to be a leader to others, you have to first model the behaviours that you want to see in others.

As a result of my experiences, notwithstanding - and even in spite of - my technical skills, I bring empathy to leadership. Leading a team with empathy, curiosity and passion is far better than bringing a purely technical skill set to a role. Leadership is highly personal and should ignite passion in others to achieve more – to reach further – to make the world around them a better place. Leadership builds people up and teaches resilience. An individual’s life experiences are the building blocks of the kind of leader they will become. There is inherent value to every experience you have in life – no matter how difficult or how personal. Skills vs. Abilities

Leadership skills can be learned – there are courses for that. Skills are technical things like ensuring regular performance reviews and feedback cycles; being transparent in decision-making; working collaboratively to build an effective reporting structure; being able to bridge the gap between strategy and implementation. Leadership abilities are personal attributes developed over time, through lifelong learning and experience. Abilities determine how you will use the skills that you are taught. Can you read people’s faces and body language to know when you need to change your approach? Are you intuitive and empathetic? Are you resilient and adaptable? Can you overcome failure and adversity? I am a leader. Not because I am a lawyer. Not because I’ve learned technical skills about people and process management. And definitely not because I can read a financial statement. I am a leader because I’ve re-built myself dozens of times. I’ve experienced depression and anxiety through the lens of laughter, silliness and hope. I’ve reached out to others to build them up because I know what it is to be brought low. I’ve worked tirelessly to make the best world possible for my son whose very existence has been dependent on my actions; and I therefore know the impact of my choices and actions on others who depend on me.

Most of all, I know the inherent value of each individual’s life experiences – different in every case – and the building blocks of their own leadership skills. What makes a leader is coming to understand your own personal value – even if you sometimes question it. Everyone can be a leader – it’s just a matter of choosing what kind of leader you want to be and learning that you can provide value to others simply by being yourself.

Gabrielle Battiste has her own law firm and a consulting firm with her husband. She is an executive, leader and serial volunteer, currently running for City Council in Edmonton’s O-day’min Ward. Gabrielle is mom to the funniest 27-year old, cutest puppy and prettiest kitten and loves to laugh and stay silly.