IN THE RAW

RANCHELLE IN THE RAW

Role Playing

by Ranchelle Van Bryce

Every month I sit at my computer and wonder what part of my soul should I share with you. Sometimes I ask myself, what the hell was I thinking? I should have said I would write a business article. Afterall, I have built 15 of my own businesses and as a business coach I help women every day do the same thing. This month was no different, wondering how I could possibly have something important to share with you. And then out of the blue I received a message from someone I knew from Camrose. She attended one of my monthly free business webinars called How to Become the CEO of Your Life. Part of what I offer is an opportunity to connect in a one-to-one call afterwards. It felt so good to reconnect with her. I left Camrose suddenly in 2016, I didn’t announce it, I left. My marriage had ended, and I knew I needed to leave (that is a whole other Ranchelle in the Raw- LOL). As we were catching up, she said you know, I listen to you while I work out. I play your videos and listen to your podcast. You are my motivation. I print out the magazine and answer the questions that you ask, I do the work. Thank you. I am often called a rebel, a rule breaker, the one who does what she wants, when she wants. Yes, this is one of the roles I adopted as a child. We all have roles and several of them.

Do you know what yours were and are? Other roles I played as a kid and beyond; the rescuer, the black sheep, the people pleaser and the chameleon were the major ones. Each one of these comes with rules of engagement. Each one comes with the positive (light) and negative (dark side). The chameleon in me is adaptable, can mesh with any group of people - bikers or lawyers, I can match and mirror their behaviour and build rapport very easily. The dark side of the chameleon - manipulation. Plain and simple That wasn’t an easy role for me to accept. I denied it. Vehemently. I said that I as an influencer (which is also true), charismatic when I need to be (also true). To me, manipulation meant bitch. I didn’t see myself that way. I didn’t want to own it. But, what happens when you ask Divine to show you the ways in which you are keeping yourself limited? HE DOES just that. Yup, I called that into my life. Show me the way I am getting stuck in relationships. How do I show up? When do I show up that way? What are the possibilities? What is the TRUTH in this?

These are the questions that I ask myself almost daily. These are the questions that showed me I was trying to manipulate the fuck out of my partner Rob. Insert sigh. And then I had to own it. All of it. Where else am I showing up this way? Because here is what I know, how you do one thing is how you do everything. Then I noticed it when I was doing it to my adult children, and my parents. I also noticed that I didn’t do it with my coaching clients or with Danielle, my business partner. Interesting, right!! Here is what I was shown. Whenever I feel like I might not get my own way, or I am too afraid of speaking my truth in a relationship; I turn to manipulation. Whenever I want someone to act a certain way, behave a certain way or BE a certain way and they aren’t if my dark side shows up; this is the woman that shows up. However, it is a choice. Especially when you become aware.

I can choose to be manipulative, or I can choose what influence might look like. What’s the difference? Influence is me showing up as my best self; asking thoughtful questions and not being attached to the results. Manipulation means; I am attached to the results. I will use my powers to ensure that you see it my way OR at least feel guilt or shame about it. Can you relate? It’s okay if you can. If you can, congratulations on taking the first step; awareness.

Here is my question for you. What roles did you play in your household as a child? How are you still playing those out today? How do you manipulate the rules around the role? What happens when you show up that way from the ‘dark side’ perspective or the ‘light side’ perspective? If you want to explore this more; feel free to connect with me.

Ranchelle@SharpWomen.ca