A family’s journey with son’s addiction

A mother shares her family’s journey with son’s heroin addiction

BY VICKI FOLEY

SHAW MEDIA EMPLOYEE

As I looked upon the face of my newborn son on Jan. 29, 1980, I did not know what he would accomplish – I just did not know how he would impact our lives.

Christopher became a heroin addict, and it took a terrible toll on our family.

Don’t be fooled into thinking that there must be something wrong with my family, that we were uncaring, bad parents or that my son was weak. Addiction does not select the weak, the strong, the wealthy or the poor. There isn’t any criteria for who can become an addict. And this disease affects the whole family. The emotional toll of loving an addict is crushing. I clung to my husband for support. Many nights, I was on my knees praying to God to take this addiction away and for the wisdom and strength to handle what was ahead.

The siblings of an addict take on more duties and sacrifice their time and their activities because their brother needed the most attention. They now had a new image – the kids with the addict for a brother.

I visited him in numerous jails, driving four hours at a time to see him the nine months he spent in the penitentiary in downstate Illinois. I’ve been scared, searched and treated like a criminal myself. Grandmas should never have to visit their grandkids in jail, but my mother did – and she wrote him letters. My sisters were always there for a tearful call or a visit with a hug. There was never a more supportive family.

And yet … it started in Christopher’s junior high years when he got into the wrong crowd.

He started smoking cigarettes and then marijuana. He stole items from family members to pawn to pay for his new habit.

Eventually, we had to put locks on the bedroom doors to keep Chris from stealing from us.

We went to family counseling. Chris had individual counseling and there was his community service for cigarette smoking – but the behaviors continued.

At the age of 17 he was arrested in Cook County for marijuana possession. I cried the whole day as we practiced our tough love and didn’t bail him out. I was so worried and so torn. After a few days he was released on his own recognizance, but it felt like forever until that happened.

His senior year of high school ended early with an expulsion for marijuana possession.

At the age of 18, Chris moved out and that same year, he tried heroin at a party with friends. The downward spiral continued.

His life and ours forever changed.

He broke into our home and stole jewelry and anything he could find of value to pawn. He also stole from hardware stores in the area and then returned the tools to collect the money for his addiction.

But at the age of 24, Chris became a father to my ray of sunshine – Caylee. I believe he was sober for two years of her life at this time. But the drug called him again.

Chris was incarcerated on a forgery charge, but was given a deal to be released to work with a detective to narc on drug dealers. A week later he was found dead on his bathroom floor of a heroin overdose.

I will never forget this day, July 15, 2007, when I received the visit from police officers telling me of his death.

In 2000, when we were going through this with Chris, a song came out by Mark Schultz entitled “He’s My Son.” It still brings tears to

Addiction does not select the weak, the strong, the wealthy or the poor. There isn’t any criteria for who can become an addict. And this disease affects the whole family.” my eyes. He wrote it about a family dealing with their son’s cancer while he served as a youth minister – but it was our story, too. Because heroin addiction is a cancer, too.

The chorus goes like this:

Can you hear me?

Am I getting through tonight?

Can you see him?

Can you make him feel all right?

If you can hear me

Let me take his place somehow

See, he’s not just anyone

He’s my son It’s been 41 years since the day that I looked into that loving baby’s face. Much has transpired, but I will always be grateful to God for allowing me to be Chris’ mom.

Although I miss Christopher desperately, his legacy lives on and I know he is so proud of us. Our family formed a 501c3 in his memory, Chris’ Walk Against Substance Abuse. We have done our best to educate and support addicts and their families. Through it all, our family has become stronger and more united. We have a mission that is guided by God. We mentor at the jail and seek opportunities where we can help. We do it to honor Chris’s life.

Because he’s not just anyone.

He’s my son.

Photos provided Left: Vicki Foley displays a photo and memorial pillow of her son, Christopher, who died of a heroin overdose in 2007. Top right: A childhood school photo of Christopher. His susbtance abuse began in junior high with smoking. Bottom right: Christopher, age 24, holds his daughter, Caylee.