MASK UP

 SUBURBAN SUPERDAD 

MASK UP

Wearing a mask sets a good example, especially for the little ones watching

For years, the routine when leaving the house, or preparing to leave a party, or getting out of the car virtually anywhere, has been the same.

Three quick taps, one on each thigh and a third on the right side of the ol’ glutes. It’s called: “K-P-W.”

As in: The nerves in the fingertips will conclude that my keys, phone and wallet are safely ensconced in the pockets of my pants before walking out the door to life’s next great adventure. Or to get groceries. Whichever comes first.

However, lately, the universe has conspired to force a fourth initial onto the K-P-W acronym: the letter “M.”

This one adds an entirely new wrinkle to the program. As you may have guessed, astute reader, the M stands for “Mask” and masks, as you also know, are made of fabric and seriously harder to detect with a simple tap to the hip pocket. Frustration bubbles up as one approaches the front doors of the local supermarket or Walmart and realizes the mask was absentmindedly left in the car, parked a half mile away across a broiling hot ocean of asphalt. However, retrieve it, I must. Sure, I could choose to be one of those people, standing at the front door and shouting at the attendant who gets paid peanuts to listen to me rail about my rights, the Constitution, the governor, America and some court case somewhere.

But as the owner of a slice of private property a few miles away from the aforementioned supermarket, it just makes sense to let out a sigh, return to my vehicle, don the mask and walk back to the front door to resume my adventures, silently swearing for forgetting (again) and pledging to retire from my vocabulary any mention of the term “2020.” (And, yes, having worn glasses since childhood will make that task much easier.) Are masks a nuisance? Undoubtedly. An inconvenience? Unquestionably. Uncomfortable and look ridiculous (especially when riding in a car)? Indubitably. But are they required in the moment? Most assuredly. The evidence backing the benefits of wearing masks to slow the spread of COVID-19 has mounted this summer. The use of masks has been shown to reduce the reach and concentration of the aerosolized droplets that would otherwise carry the viral load sufficient to cause infection by everyone’s least favorite coronavirus. That alone should be sufficient to persuade us to mask up in public, to protect our friends and neighbors. But even when their effectiveness may have seemed less apparent, my family and I still chose to wear them as soon as the signs were posted in the front entrances of stores and other buildings. Why? Because we all would expect the same courtesy. I know, I know: In 2020, courtesy can seem to be in short supply. But try to think of it this way: If you went over to someone’s house, and they asked you to take off your shoes and you refused, and then railed at them about your rights to wear shoes, and how your feet might hurt without your shoes, what would that make you? Hint: The answer is not “a hero,” “inspiring” or “a patriot.” Since I may request your guests park in a certain spot, or remove their shoes, or not run through the house when dripping wet, wearing a mask at the request of a fellow private property owner during a pandemic suddenly doesn’t seem like such a hard thing to do. So, please: When going out, mask up. Plus, you know, there are little eyes watching.

 JonathanBilykwritesabout thetriumphsandtravailsof beingamodern-daydadwho legitimatelyenjoystimewith hisfamily, whiletolerating adogthatseemstoadore him.Healsodoesn’treally likethemoniker“Superdad” becauseitmakesitsoundlikehewantstowearhis undergarmentsontheoutsideofhispants.(Also, thecaperemainsonbackorder.)