FIND A BOYFRIEND FAST
5 Crucial Mistakes That’s Keeping You Single (when you don’t want to be) Shay Banks
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78.9% of women and 87.3% of men ages 20-24 have never been married 45.5% of women and 58.8% of men ages 25-29 have never been married 26.1% of women and 34.5% of men ages 30-34 have never been married So why on Earth, are there sooooo many single women in the world?? Could it be that we’re our own worst enemy? Let me explain some more. According to Men’s Health magazine expert Dave Zinczenko, men love to be in love. He says,
“While men often get stereotyped as single-minded sex-seekers, the truth is that a man's stomach churns like a slushy machine when he's in those initial stages of the perfect relationship. When you consider that half of men say that they're currently not with their soul mates, that means a heck of a lot of slushy machines are waiting to be turned on.” So if the numbers are right, there are a lot of single men out there wanting love. Probably more than you could even date in ten lifetimes. Then why are there so many single women who are tired of being single? If the women I work with are any indication, then it’s probably because they are making one or more of these 5 crucial mistakes. If you are ready to be in a committed, loving, and long term relationship, you need to read this.
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1
I love my single girlfriends. Without them, I would have lost my mind a long time ago. However, as an unwritten rule, we are not opposed to saying “Umm..sorry hun, I can’t go out with you tonight. I’m gonna spend some time with this new guy I’m dating.” That’s not to say that they’ll ditch if they’ve already made plans with me. Oh no, they don’t flake. But they do make time for the man (or men) that they want to date, which means that if I ask them on a last minute excursion to a local hot spot, they are not afraid to say no.
You’re Always With Your Girlfriends
The biggest mistake single women make is always hanging out with their girlfriends. You would be amazed at how often I hear “I go out all the time and I can’t meet anyone.” Well, silly, it’s because you’re too busy talking to your girlfriends and not entertaining anyone else. If you want a boyfriend or a husband, he is not going to even know you exist until you leave your circle. Which brings me to critical mistake number 2…
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2
You Never Separate When You Are Out with Friends In today’s dating world, going out alone can seem like a scary feat. With date rape drugs, stalkers, and crazy serial killers abound, it can be a bit intimidating to go out on the town all by yourself. Taking your girlfriends can actually be an ok thing in this case, especially if you’re in a venue you’ve never been to. Here’s the catch: you can arrive and exit together, but while at the event/venue, you need to separate. Men do not approach women in groups unless A) he has a friend for your friend or B) he’s a super charmer and is good at woo-ing more than one woman at a time (in which case, why would you want him unless you’re just looking for a fling?). If you want a handsome, intelligent, and put-together man to approach you, you need to be alone. You need to be alone in a way that is safe for you and comfortable for him to approach you. It’s gotta be a win-win. Let’s say you go to a sports bar with some friends and you would love to be in a relationship. Take advantage of this opportunity. Casually leave your girlfriend(s) by going to the restroom (if they ask to come with you, say no) and then hang out at the bar for a few minutes solo. Flirt with the bartender and chat up a couple of guys nearby. You’re still with your girlfriends, but you’ve put enough distance between you and them that you appear to be alone, which makes you approachable. Share with your friends. Visit www.shaybanks.com/unsingle to get more boyfriend getting tips.
3
When You Are Alone, You’re NOT Approachable Nowadays, it’s not uncommon to see women going out alone (which is why I am always shocked and amazed the women I work with think I’m crazy for suggesting it). In fact, it’s widely accepted. What amazes me though, is how unapproachable women can be when they’re out and about. I don’t know if it’s because they’re nervous, scared, or anxious, but they are throwing out a huge “Don’t Mess With Me” sign. In the movie Hitch starring Will Smith and Eva Mendez, when Will’s character first approaches Eva, he tells her that she has “Buzz Off” stamped on her forehead. By not paying attention to your surroundings, by not smiling, by seeming disinterested in being where you are, you are sending out a signal that says “Not Open for Business.” This is probably the #1 killer to your sex appeal. In order to become Unsingle, you need to be approachable when you are alone. The #1 reason I always have dates or a boyfriend is: I smile. I greet people with a smile, I say “hi”, and if I’m in a long line somewhere, I make small talk with people around me. Rather than become disengaged with what is happening, I become engaged and really interested in what’s going on around me. If I recognize someone from some conference I attended three years ago, I make sure I say “hi.” But that’s just me, I’m from a small town, and that’s just how I was raised. If you’re not as outgoing as I am, well, then, simply smile. It doesn’t always have to be a toothy grin, a simple head nod and eye contact will do the trick as well. As Tyra Banks says on America’s Next Top Model, smile with your eyes. It’s about being interested in your surroundings and being happy where you are at the current moment.
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4
You’re Not Where the Men Are
Men are not at sewing circles, belly dance classes, or step aerobics. They are at rock climbing events, kayaking at a local lake, electronic stores, and golf courses. You see, unless you place yourself where the men are plenty, you will stay single. The one place that a lot of women who complain about being single are missing out on is…drum roll… Online Dating Imagine to my utmost surprise that someone I recently worked with said “I don’t know about online dating. I’ll end up looking desperate.” Really? Let’s look at some numbers shall we. According to Online Dating Magazine, more than 20 million people visit at least one online dating service per month. Not bad, right? Hold
on a minute, I’m about to blow your mind.
There are more than 120,000 marriages that occur a year as a result of online dating (Online Dating Magazine-2007). Online dating is not just creating boyfriend girlfriend relationships, they’re creating marriages! If that’s what you want, then my darling, you need to find a dating site that suits you and your budget. My top picks are Match.com and Plenty Of Fish. You’ll have to pay a small monthly fee for Match.com, but it’s really worth it! Plenty of Fish on the other hand is free, no strings attached. I dated a guy for 1 year after meeting him on Plenty of Fish. My friend got married to the guy she met on Plenty of Fish, and they’ll be celebrating their 4 year anniversary this summer. So, my dear, if you do not have an online dating profile, you need to get one. If you do have one, you need to make sure you’re on a site that is going to get you the results you want. Word of mouth is your best bet. Also, supplement your online dating tactics with in person interactions with men as well. Like I said, golf courses, rock climbing, rock or rap concerts, you’ll find a lot of single and available men.
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5 You Don’t Ask I am all too aware that The Rules, the dating book of the 90s, tells you to not do anything and that a man should pursue you. I agree that a man should pursue you, however, some guys don’t approach a woman because they’re shy, insecure, or hell, they just didn’t know you were interested because you never smiled at them. The way around this is to ask. Now, how you ask is the most important thing you need to take from this mistake. Most women ask a guy out like this “Hey lets go on a date!” That instantly makes things too formal and weird. Try the casual “Hey, let’s go do something.” It’s a suggestion, but it leads him to say “Yeah I want to check out______” or “Yeah. What do you suggest?” Have something in mind. You can also just simply ask him to join you for coffee or join you for lunch on your lunch break (if you work together). It’s an easy and effective way to get to know someone. That’s all a date essentially is, an opportunity to learn something about a cutie you’re interested in. You may learn that he’s nothing like you thought or you may find that the chemistry is off the charts! Either way, you’ll never know what is possible unless you ask. That doesn’t mean you always ask him out, it just means, don’t be afraid to ask a guy out. You’re not asking him to marry you, you’re asking him to spend an hour of his time with you. If he can’t spare that, well, then you don’t want him anyway. Also, ask your friends, co-workers, and family members to set you up on blind dates. Have some criteria for them to follow because I’ve been set up many of times and was seriously disappointed. Now that I have criteria (and banned some friends from ever suggesting a guy for me again), things have been a lot better!
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BONUS I can’t help myself! I’m so passionate about helping you find the love of your life that I had to add this bonus section. It’s something I want you to think about as you navigate through your dates. It is a crucial solution to most of your dating drama. Whether you’re a dating pro or a dating newbie, this one tip alone will help you not only snag a guy, but keep him for as long as you want. Are you ready? Have a life that you absolutely love.
If you don’t have a life that is so super delicious you wish you could relive each moment of it over again, then you need to find a way to make it that way. This is the one secret that will keep you dating or in long term relationship for the rest of your life. If you don’t love your life, then why would a guy want to be apart of it. You have to get to a place where you are so thrilled to be you and to be living the life you have that any guy that’s in your presence can’t resist you. This step is so vital because it not only gets you the guy, it keeps the guy around. No guy wants to enter a relationship with a woman that is solely focused on him. Men want women who have their own lives. It’s what makes us interesting, loving, and sexy as hell! Furthermore, if you can find a way to be excitedly happy without a man, just think of how much fun you’ll end up having once you get one. So go out, enjoy your life, do things you want to do, and remember to avoid the aforementioned 5 mistakes that will keep you single.
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Shay Banks, Dating & Relationship Specialist Full of energy and bluntly honest advice, Shay Banks is dedicated to helping women create a love life that is full of unconditional love. More than a dating coach, Shay morphs into different roles every day to help her clients get results. When she's not helping clients find their life partners, she's happily freelance writing, dancing, reading, or spending time with her friends and her man. Connect with her on www.shaybanks.com/unsingle or on Twitter. (If you follow her, she follows you.) For questions, please email at info@shaybanks.com. If you enjoyed 5 Crucial Mistakes That Keep You Single, please share it with your friends! Forward it, send it as an attachment, or print it off and deliver it to them. Also if you want more in-depth tools and tricks on how to go from date to commitment, check out the other E-books.
Want to snag a boyfriend this year? Then check this out.
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Excerpt from Before You Marry Manual
Why Are You Reading this Manual? This manual was created for all those who have said “Yes!” to his marriage proposal. Yes, I‟m sure you‟ve hired a wedding planner who has everything figured out for you. From the entrance of the flower girls to the last song to be played at your reception, your wedding planner has got everything under control. Your wedding planner rocks! But what about your marriage? Ya know, the event that happens after that one day affair? Who‟s prepared you for that? Certainly not the lady selling you your wedding gown. And definitely not your brides maids because they‟re probably a little envious and wish to be in your position. Who do you turn to for help with having a marriage that is similar to your wedding day? Are you hearing the crickets too?? This is a basic manual designed to get you, Miss Bride-to-Be, thinking about what kind of life you and your partner want to create together. This isn‟t a read one-time and then dispose kind of thing. Uh-huh. This is a keepsake. I suggest returning to it every year or when you‟re having trouble with your man. Experts say that some pre-marital inventories can predict with 80% accuracy which marriage will head for divorce. Consider this manual your pre-marital strategy. Within this manual you‟ll find questions to ask your partner, ways to ensure your marriage is joyful, a checklist of things to do before you say “I Do”, and advice from people who‟ve been married (happily) for more than a decade. I hope this manual helps you have your dream marriage.
,
With love
Shay Banks
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ďƒź The Checklist
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Before You Marry Checklist Is it just me, or does it seem like everyone is jumping into a marriage these days? And around year 4 or 5 of most marriages, those that entered it in haste, end up divorcing in haste. If you‟re single and hating it, you will more than likely get married and hate it too (once the fog of the initial stages of love settles). You see, if you’re not ok with being with you, then you’re not ok with anyone. Period. You want a life that is so incredibly fun and exciting that you won‟t become so co-dependent on your hubby. It will keep your self-esteem high and have a confidence that attracts lots of success into your life. Besides that, your husband wants to be with someone that is interesting. If all you‟ve done in your single days before marrying him was sit at home and watch Days of Our Lives, he won‟t be interested for very long. So before you get hitched, see how many of these essentials you can achieve.
Live in another city. Most marriages go through a serious relocation process at least once due to job promotions, familial obligations, etc. Would you be able to handle it? Trying it out on your own forces you to learn new skills that will help you when faced with this challenge once you‟re married. You won‟t be so co-dependent on your hubby (which can cause strain on a marriage) to help you get through the adjustment process of living in a new area.
Get your finances in order. Whether you end up marrying a millionaire or not is irrelevant. If you don’t know how to handle your finances, you are leaving yourself open to a lot of grief. Men lose their jobs, change careers, downsize due to little or no pay raises, or need the same salary that he used for just the two of you to accommodate a growing family. If you want to enter marriage so you don‟t have to worry about money, think again. Many single women find that they had MORE money when they were single than when they got married. So…get your finances in order now so you can avoid getting blindsided later.
Travel to at least 5 different states and/or countries. Traveling with your significant other is great, but traveling by yourself (or with friends) opens your eyes to a newer version of yourself. It helps bring out an energy that will attract beautiful things/situations/people into your life. It opens your mind to new experiences, customs, and traditions which will challenge your own. The beauty that each state or country has will add to
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your overall persona, whether you notice it initially or not. And best of all, it keeps you interesting.
Learn to cook one “to die for” dinner. Why save your cooking skills for only the man you‟re dating or planning to marry? Treat yourself to that wonderful cooking sometimes too. I‟m not trying to take any woman back to the 1950s, but I think it is essential you know how to cook one dish. Just ONE. Check out Rachael Ray‟s plethora of thirty minute meal books for inspiration.
Discover your favorite book. This may take a while, but it is worth the effort. Books expand your knowledge and can change your perception of the world as you know it. One of the biggest mistakes women make once they marry, is they forget to grow as a person. Having a cornerstone, such as a book, that will zap you back to reality, will help you navigate back to yourself when you‟re feeling overwhelmed by marital obligations.
Buy yourself something expensive. Some women never experience diamonds until their future husband proposes. Well, if that ain‟t happening tomorrow, you need to learn what that feels like now. Treat yourself to the lavishness of life rather than waiting for someone else to do it for you.
Have 3 circles of friends. Your friends and family are your life line and if you throw that all away when you‟re married, you‟re in for a HUGE kick in the ass. Having different circles of friends keeps your many needs as a woman nourished. Business contacts, happy hour friends, spiritual buddies, workout buddies, and more, can help keep you feeling fabulous whether married or single.
Learn a new skill. You never know what knowing Spanish or Sign Language or sewing a hem can get you. Plus, learning new skills can help prevent diseases and ensure a longer more satisfying life.
Keep a secret. Nothing is more intriguing than a woman who can keep a secret. There‟s a light in her eye and a certain switch in her hips that keep her entire life (not just her love life) fun and exciting.
Take a dare.
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Relationships require us to take risks with our emotions, our values, our lifestyles, etc. If you take regular risks in your single life, once you‟re married, you won‟t feel so shell shocked when taking a risk is necessary.
Live alone. Roommates are nice, but what do we do when our significant other has to go out of town for a few weeks? You have to learn to live alone and thrive now, so that when you‟re faced with that, you won‟t flip out.
Try at least 3 careers. Life throws us many curve balls and sometimes those curve balls require us to use skills we‟ve forgotten we had. By being able to jump into three different careers, you‟re able to increase your marketability in the job market, but you‟re teaching yourself to support yourself in times of need. (See #2 again)
Find a Cause. I‟m a huge advocate for finding a cause that you believe in and contributing to it. It doesn‟t have to be only monetarily, it can also be through volunteering or spreading the word about your cause. When you have a cause you stand by, it gives you a separate identity instead of wife, companion, best friend, and sex goddess. You get to use some skills you honed during your single days.
Find Your Voice. Nothing is more disheartening than when you see a woman who loses her „voice‟ during a marriage. More disheartening than that, is if a woman went into a marriage without having one! What do I mean by “find your voice”? I mean stand tall on your own two feet. Don‟t be afraid of asking for what you want or playing the nice girl all the time. Find your voice, use your voice, and for the people who can‟t handle your voice, kick them to the curb.
Know What You Want. I know this sounds like common sense, but really, it‟s the simple things that we as humans stumble on. After the wedding, you‟re officially in a marriage. What happens most of the time is a woman loses her identity. She instantly becomes wife. But what about you? Didn‟t you have goals before marriage? What do you want? Five years from now, what do you want? Not just in your marriage, but also for you as an individual. What do you want from your career? What do you want from your health? Know these things before you say “I Do.” (Psst..and yes these things will change as you evolve as a person.)
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Important Questions to Consider Section 1 Am I making a mistake?
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Before You Marry Questionnaire #1 Financial
1. My husband-to-be and I have decided that we will handle our finances in the following way: A) Separate bank accounts
B) Joint bank account
Other:
2. For home expenses (rent, utilities, etc.), we have come up with this plan: I pay
He pays
3. We have decided that we will file our taxes in the following way ____________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________.
4. As a couple our 5 year goals are: Savings __________
Checking account____________
Retirement ___________
Kids college fund _________
Emergency Fund ____________
Career Salaries ______________
Investments_____________
Other ___________________
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