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FEATURES | POLLS | TAKING LIBERTIES | ISSUE OF THE WEEK

It’s Not Your English Teacher’s Library Anymore MPL amid its largest reconceptualization project in decades ::BY ROB HULLUM

n a Friday night this past December, the newly opened Mitchell Street Library was packed to the brim. There were not the quiet readers, researchers and internet surfers we have come to expect at a library. That night, a jubilant sold-out crowd—yes, people reserved tickets to go to a library—gathered to watch the Mondo Lucha Mexican wrestlers pile drive, power bomb and elbow drop off the top turnbuckle of a professional wrestling ring situated in the middle of the library’s 23,000-square-foot space. The Mondo Lucha event was a part of Milwaukee Public Library’s (MPL) Library Loud Days initiative, but it also reflects a greater mission of “creating technology-rich flexible spaces,” championed by city librarian Paula Kiely. This approach includes the largest neighborhood library branch rebuilding project that the city has undertaken since the early 1970s. The Villard Street Library was rebuilt in 2011, and Mayor Tom Barrett allocated $22.4 million in 2014 to rebuild five more branches and fill them with modern community rooms and technologically advanced “makerspaces.” “Public libraries have evolved continuously since their inception, always looking to see what the local community needs,” Kiely said. “So we’re always balancing what we need for the long term and what we need for the short term. I think that it’s really important that libraries adapt to become more like community centers and provide a safe place for people to come explore whatever interests them.”

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The 21st-Century Library

MPL’s shift is not far outside the norm for a public library system in the digital age. Nationwide, attendance for library programming increased by 17% from 2012 to 2017, according to a Public Library Data Service report, even while book circulation was down over that same time period. “The emphasis is now on services rather than the accumulation of books,” said Mohammed Aman, a UW-Milwaukee professor who teaches a class on public libraries. “The idea of a warehouse of knowledge is just not there, because we could never really accumulate every book in the confines of a building, no matter how big that building is. Therefore, our public libraries serve not only as a modest warehouse of printed matter that the public may be interested in, but also a variety of other activities that were not much known before.” For MPL, this includes hosting computer skills classes, job fairs, financial literacy programming and the aforementioned Library Loud Days. A new program with Milwaukee Public Schools called Library Now opens all library services up to MPS students, allowing them to access digital resources without ever stepping into a branch. “This is a strategic focus to bring our library system to the 21st century,” said Alderman Cavalier Johnson, who serves on MPL’s Board of Trustees. Then there is the introduction of the makerspace. The Mitchell Street Library’s Studio M was the first of its kind in Milwaukee. It includes a recording studio, video production equipment, graphic design software and a kitchen that is used for culinary arts programming. “It is really designed for the entire community to come together and explore a lot of technology that we have incorporated into that space,” Kiely said. A second makerspace is planned for the upcoming Good Hope Road Library, which is expected to break ground soon. “We’re still working on the design, but we’ve got it in there,” Kiely said. She expects that space to have a 3D printer, along with other handson technology focusing on building, design and construction. MPL plans to work with teenagers in that community to give them a say in the programming offered. Kiely would like the makerspace concept to be a part of all new library projects going forward and is currently working out details for the Martin Luther King Jr. and Capitol drive branches. “I think that with both of those, we will continue to look at the particular community’s needs,” she said. “We’ll Library continued on page 6 >

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test the idea of a makerspace and see if the community embraces that, or perhaps there is something else that would be more suitable for their needs.”

A Mixed-Use Future

A common thread of the new library branches is that they are all mixed-use, with the library serving as the anchor space with apartments above it. The MPL Board of Trustees found that this was the most cost-effective way to update facilities at a time when funding is scarce. “Local governments across the state rely on the state government for our shared revenue program,” Ald. Johnson said. “With those funds dropping to municipalities all across Wisconsin, it’s important to diversify and to be creative in order to make ends meet.” By taking advantage of tax credits and grants that are only available to mixed-use properties, MPL was able to build new facilities without cutting the number of branches throughout the city. “We felt that the mixeduse model allowed us to maintain library services in all of the current communities,” Kiely said. “We had considered doing some consolidated libraries that might be larger, but as you can imagine, people love their neighborhood libraries. This model allowed us to satisfy those community needs, but to—through these development partnerships that we formed—replace those libraries for a lower cost and to add value to the community through the apartments that were developed above the library.” 6 | M AY 3 , 2 0 1 8

An unintended benefit of the new library designs has been an increase in use of the branches as community meeting spaces. “We have always had large community rooms, but we now have many more spaces where small groups can gather,” Kiely said. “Those have been so well used and are in truly high demand. I think we provide a much-needed amenity for community groups, small businesses are developing partnerships, and I think that the library is serving a greater role in bringing people together.” Ald. Johnson hopes that the libraries will serve the same function as pricey co-working spaces and provide participants in the gig economy a space to meet for collaborative work. The final project in MPL’s current plan, the Capitol Drive Library, is scheduled for completion in 2020. Even after a decade of accelerated development, MPL is still planning for more growth going forward. “We have already started thinking about the future,” Kiely said. “The library board had a retreat at the end of February. We were looking at the next 30 or 40 years and trying to do our best to project what the issues would be in front of us.” This includes thinking about artificial intelligence and how technology impacts the library’s place in society, but other challenges are more familiar, such as how to stay open for more hours and how to offer more books, laptops and better Wi-Fi. Despite the lofty scope of these projects, Kiely’s goal is very simple. “I think that we’re doing a great job at meeting the needs of the community, and we just want to keep doing it and keep our ears open and our mission going.” Comment at shepherdexpress.com. SHEPHERD EXPRESS

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NEWS&VIEWS::FEATURE The Wisconsin Open Meetings Compliance Guide (see sidebar) states unequivocally: “Any doubts as to the applicability of the Open Meetings Law should be resolved in favor of complying with the law’s requirements.” When asked about closed-door meetings, numerous county administrators have posited that a respective committee was somehow exempt from OML—without offering credible reasons for such assertions.

The Pay-to-Park Powder Keg

Skirting of Open Meetings Law an Open Secret in Milwaukee County STEALTH ‘WORK GROUPS’ USED TO JUSTIFY DRASTIC CHANGES IN PARKS’ MISSION ::BY VIRGINIA SMALL

espite Milwaukee County’s long-standing Anti-Secrecy Policy, County Executive Chris Abele and his administrators often operate in the shadows. Four county committees addressing parks issues, convened since 2016 by Abele or his administrators, repeatedly have conducted meetings outside of public view. One such committee, the Milwaukee County Parks’ Payto-Park Work Group (which proposed parking meters in our county parks), was “specifically subject to Wisconsin’s Open Meetings Law” (OML), according to the county’s corporation counsel, Margaret Daun. Nonetheless, that committee’s meetings were closed. Abele’s aides and administrators have also stonewalled about whether other committees were subject to, or complied with, OML requirements. The four committees were all officially named, and each convened multiple times to discuss hot-button issues regarding the county’s parks. Appointed citizens as well as county officials served on them, and none was apparently an ad hoc group randomly assembled. The committees that have failed to post public meeting notices are the aforementioned Pay-to-Park Work Group (to implement paid parking in county parks); the Earned Revenue Task Force (formed by Abele regarding increasing park fees and other income); the Ravine Road Bridge Work Group (to assess options for the long-neglected historic footbridge); and Abele’s Conservatory Advisory Committee (to recommend policy about the Mitchell Park Domes. To be clear, however, the Milwaukee County Task Force on the Mitch8 | M AY 3 , 2 0 1 8

ell Park Conservatory Domes—a committee created later by the Milwaukee County Board of Supervisors—does follow OML requirements. County administrators have since erroneously claimed that these advisory committees properly served as “public engagement” about controversial issues and have touted “recommendations” purportedly made by the committees. In fact, transparent engagement was mostly avoided, and few (if any) meeting minutes can be accessed. Also, none of these committees is listed among the “Special Committees, Task Forces and Commissions” on the County Legislative Information Center (CLIC)—Milwaukee County’s online publicinformation hub.

Why Open Government Matters

Transparency is essential to good governance. Wisconsin’s OML states that “a representative government of the American type is dependent upon an informed electorate…[and] the policy of this state [is] that the public is entitled to the fullest and most complete information regarding the affairs of government…[To] advance this policy, the open meetings law requires that ‘all meetings of all state and local governmental bodies shall be publicly held in places reasonably accessible to members of the public and shall be open to all citizens at all times unless otherwise expressly provided by law.’ There is thus a presumption that meetings of governmental bodies must be held in open session.” Additionally, Milwaukee County’s Anti-Secrecy Policy reiterates open meetings and public records laws.

A parks paid-parking scheme was snuck into the 2018 county budget, as reported in the Shepherd Express in November, with a committee charged with setting parameters. The Pay-to-Park Work Group did not issue public notices of its only two meetings—Dec. 6 and Dec. 14, 2017. When asked for copies of such notices, Jeremy Lucas, a senior budget analyst, replied, “There were no responsive documents.” At the Thursday, Feb. 1, 2018, county board meeting, Corporation Counsel Daun confirmed that the Pay-to-Park Work Group was subject to open meetings law. Responding to Milwaukee County Board Chairman Theo Lipscomb’s questions about the committee’s OML compliance, Daun said, “I can’t speak to prior meetings as my office was not involved in their scheduling or other matters.” Lipscomb noted that he had raised the open-meetings issue with Abele prior to the committee’s formation. “They [administrative staff] continue to appear to function as if they are not subject to open meetings.” County administrators also failed to appoint “representatives of park advocacy groups,” as mandated in the budget amendment creating the parking committee. When Abele was asked by a reporter on Tuesday, Feb. 6, about why no park advocates (from among 50 “park friends” groups) were on the committee convened by his administration, the county executive replied, “You should talk to the county board about that.” Board chair Lipscomb responded in an email, “I do not believe I was ever consulted or requested to make any appointments to the work group.” Supervisor Sheldon Wasserman had responded in an email of Tuesday, Jan. 16, “I had absolutely no knowledge of this group’s formation. It was created by the county executive’s office, without my input, so contacting their office would be the best route to gain more information regarding the members of the group.” Wasserman’s district includes the Milwaukee Lakefront north of Downtown, where hundreds of parking meters were being planned. An explosive public meeting that was held on Feb. 6 at the Domes Annex resulted in Abele’s abandonment of all pay-to-park plans—for now.

Earned Revenue Task Force a Private Concern

Last summer, the county board requested “a written informational report regarding the status and purpose of the Earned Revenue Task Force” from either the parks director or county executive. At the July 18, 2017, meeting of the Parks, Energy and Environment Committee, then-Milwaukee County Parks Director John Dargle double-spoke that the Earned Revenue Task Force was “not technically a task force created by the executive’s office.” Dargle maintained that it was instead “some business associates [of the executive] that have come together” to discuss the parks budget and offer ideas about how to generate more revenue in parks “through fees, charges, memberships” and other sources. In lieu of a written report, Dargle said that ideas developed by the task force would be included in Abele’s proposed 2018 budget (which did call for a 25% increase in parks revenues, including from parking fees). Abele’s super-secret committee indeed influenced parks policy and budgeting, despite being downplayed as “nothing formal.” Responding to a Shepherd Express public records request, Abele aide Carly Wilson confirmed on Nov. 14, 2017, that “The Earned Revenue Task force did not produce any minSHEPHERD EXPRESS

NEWS&VIEWS::FEATURE utes or public notices, and a listing of the task force membership is included in the attached report from Teig Whaley-Smith,” the latter Milwaukee County’s director of administrative services. Whaley-Smith, known by insiders as Abele’s “enforcer,” issued the report to the board five months after it was requested. Whaley-Smith’s memo was the first specific revelation of Earned Revenue Task Force appointees, who met for about five months. He said they were enlisted to provide “high-level recommendations” to increase income from “products and services” in county parks. In addition to county staff (including from the executive’s office), the committee included Tom Devine, head of business development for Potawatomi Casino; Nathan Harris, owner of Ugly’s Pub (and featured in a TV ad for Abele’s 2016 campaign); Joe Kirgues, cofounder of Gener8tor; Alex Lasry, Milwaukee Bucks vice president; Jeff Sherman, publisher of OnMilwaukee.com; and Gary Witt, president of PTG Live Events. In fact, government officials may informally seek input from anyone without having to follow the OML. However, formally creating committees, appointing members and then secretly convening them contradicts any claim that such advisory committees constitute either transparent government or “public engagement.” Secrecy taints any recommendations attributed to advisory committees.

Abele’s Super-Secret Domes Committee

After the Mitchell Park Conservatory Domes were closed in early 2016 for preventive repairs, Abele said he intended to conduct a “transparent and open” planning process for their future, led by an advisory committee that he would convene. In late March 2016, Abele told the Cultural Landscape Foundation, a Washington, D.C.-based organization, “Earlier this month, I launched a steering committee comprised of stakeholders from the business community, nonprofit community, neighborhood groups and more, which has already begun meeting.” Despite that boast, Abele’s office refused to provide any details about this committee, which apparently met multiple times.

Bridge Committee Leaders Foggy About Transparency

Another committee charged with recommending policy also convened privately. In response to a request about Ravine Road Bridge Work Group meetings, county engineer Karl Stave wrote on Tuesday, April 3, 2018: “As to your request for records related to [p]ublic notices for each of the work group’s meetings… there are no responsive records. These meetings were not considered public meetings, although they were open to the public, and various members of the public did attend.” Concerned citizens had learned of the meetings through word of mouth and online, not through county-issued notices. At the first couple of bridge meetings, county administrators seemed confused about whether the public should be allowed to observe. At one, several observers were about to be ousted until committee member and attorney William Lynch arrived and said that the meeting indeed must be open, based on OML requirements. County ofSHEPHERD EXPRESS

ficials still tried to argue that its “openness” was due to being in a public space, and that citizens could be excluded if the committee instead met in a private location. Lynch also refuted that assertion. A representative of GRAEF, a private countyretained engineering firm, conducted the bridge meetings. GRAEF posted minutes and other information through a File Transfer Protocol (FTP) account, which is not included on the county’s public information portal. Milwaukee County Parks’ Planning and Development webpage includes GRAEF’s bridge study, but not the peer reviews of that report. A recent county press release cited the work group in support of a grant application to raze and replace the National Register-listed bridge.

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A Pervasive ‘Culture of Secrecy’

Civic-minded residents are being asked to serve on advisory committees without being informed about the Open Meetings Law; it is also unclear whether county administrators fully comprehend OML requirements, based on their responses to requested facts. Nonetheless, any member of a governmental body who “knowingly” violates OML is subject to fines up to $300 for each infraction (see sidebar). Not all citizens serving on county advisory committees are kept in the dark about OML. For example, the corporation counsel’s office made a detailed presentation about OML compliance to the board-created Mitchell Park Conservatory Task Force. That training slideshow presumably is available for other committees and staff. Abele and Whaley-Smith are setting the tone regarding transparency through their attitudes and practices. One county employee, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said, “A culture of secrecy pervades the Abele administration. Disregarding [the] Open Meetings Law seems acceptable, since no one has been held accountable for noncompliance during Abele’s seven-year tenure.” Might Whaley-Smith, a lawyer, be endeavoring to evade open meetings requirements in how advisory committees are created and their business is conducted? Regardless of whether OML applies, David Pritchard, UW-Milwaukee professor of journalism and expert in laws about access to government information, says the bigger question is, “Why don’t you want the public there?” If a “culture of secrecy” indeed exists, what is, or should be, the corporation counsel’s role? Responding 30 days after an inquiry about OML (twice as long as the State of Wisconsin’s recommended response time), Corporation Counsel Daun wrote in an email, “My office advises our clients with great regularity related to their obligations under the law, but my office cannot legally enforce the Open Meetings Law as it applies to Milwaukee County.” When publicly questioned by board chair Lipscomb, Daun said she could not speak to OML compliance for meetings for which her office had “no role in scheduling.” Might that be true for most county meetings? In any case, why are so many county administrators either unaware of or cavalier about open meetings compliance? Are employees pressured to fall in line about secrecy rather than adhering to OML?

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NEWS&VIEWS::FEATURE > Secrecy continued from page 9

The corporation counsel reports to both the county executive and the county board. Proposed legislation pushed by Abele (SB777), currently on hold in Madison, includes a provision that the county executive would exclusively supervise the corporation counsel, without county board review. If passed, how might that affect the board’s access to the corporation counsel and the impartiality of legal advice provided about issues affecting the public? Pritchard told the Shepherd Express that even meetings not technically subject to OML, including those regarding parks issues, “could be far more open than they are. The county should be putting out press releases and other publicity that far exceeds the minimum requirements

of OML,” so that any interested citizen at least has the option of attending meetings. Ultimately, Pritchard believes the county executive would do well to take a leadership role to urge that county staff “go far beyond mere OML compliance. With all the serious budget issues and other challenges the county is facing, if Abele wants support from the people about possible solutions, he needs to encourage openness and transparency,” Pritchard said. Information for this article was acquired through public records requests, attendance at meetings and accessing archives through the county’s Legistar website, as well as the Wisconsin Open Meetings Law Compliance Guide and via interviews conducted with county employees and experts on open access to government. Comment at shepherdexpress.com. n

OPEN MEETINGS FOSTER GREATER GOOD

celebrate

MOTHER’S DAY at American Serb Hall

Sunday, May 13, 2018 from 10am to 2 pm

Please join us for this elegant expression of thanks to our mothers. Reservations can be made by calling 414-545-6030 or emailing us at serbhall@yahoo.com.

Music by renowned singer Ann Rodgers Cold Station Fresh Fruit Shrimp Assorted salads, cheeses, breads and muffins Carving Station Prime Rib Hot Station Ham with grilled pineapple Serb Hall Famous Cod Swedish meatballs Assorted Vegetables Western Egg Bake with ham, peppers and onions Breakfast potatoes, bacon and sausage French Toast Mac and cheese Assorted deserts, coffee and one complimentary mimosa $25.95 adults / $14.95 children under 12 Come back to our famous Friday Fish Fry that has been named the Best Fish Fry in Milwaukee many times! Offered every Friday from Noon to 9PM.

10 | M AY 3 , 2 0 1 8

Wisconsin’s cornerstones of clean government are its open meetings and public records laws, which mandate how governmental entities must operate “in the sunshine” rather than in back rooms and through sweetheart deals. The downloadable Wisconsin Open Meetings Law Compliance Guide, published by the state attorney general, defines a governmental body as “a ‘state or local agency, board, commission, committee, council, department or public body corporate and politic created by constitution, statute, ordinance, rule or order[.]’ This list of entities is broad enough to include virtually any collective governmental entity, regardless of what it is labeled.” Furthermore, “these entities are defined primarily in terms of [how] they are created, rather than in terms of the type of authority they possess. Purely advisory bodies are therefore subject to the law, even though they do not possess final decision-making power, as long as they are created by constitution, statute, ordinance, rule or order. “The term ‘rule or order’ has been liberally construed to include any directive, formal or informal, creating a body and assigning it duties. This includes directives from governmental bodies, presiding officers of governmental bodies or certain governmental officials, such as county executives, mayors or heads of a state or local agency, department or division.” Such bodies expressly include “a citizen’s advisory committee appointed by a county executive.” Openness is always favored: “Any entity that fits within the definition of ‘governmental body’ must comply with the requirements of the Open Meetings Law. In most cases, it is readily apparent whether a particular body fits within the definition. On occasion, there is some doubt. Any doubts as to the applicability of the Open Meetings Law should be resolved in favor of complying with the law’s requirements.” (Emphasis added.)

The Key is Compliance

Milwaukee County’s clerk ensures compliance with OML during meetings staffed by that office, including those conducted by county supervisors and other meetings by request. Otherwise, those presiding over governmental bodies and their meetings are responsible for compliance, with the corporation counsel providing legal advice when asked. OML mandates that public notices must be posted at least 24 hours in advance of meetings. The public may attend and observe any meeting held in open session. Testimony, when allowed, is generally limited to agenda items. Meetings staffed by the clerk’s office can usually be viewed through live streaming on Legistar—a function of the County Legislative Information Center (CLIC)—the primary resource for public meeting notices and records. Video and audio files are archived. Local district attorneys have authority to enforce OML only after receiving a “verified open meetings law complaint,” which anyone may file. Citizens may request public records to support a complaint. There are penalties: “Any member of a governmental body who ‘knowingly’ attends a meeting held in violation of the Open Meetings Law, or otherwise violates the law, is subject to a forfeiture of between $25 and $300 for each violation… Examples of ‘other violations’ are failing to give the required public notice of a meeting or failing to follow the procedure for closing a session.” —Excerpted from the Wisconsin Department of Justice’s Wisconsin Open Meetings Law Compliance Guide

SHEPHERD EXPRESS

NEWS&VIEWS::SAVINGOURDEMOCRACY ( MAY 3- MAY 9, 2018 )

he Shepherd Express serves as a clearinghouse for all activities in the greater Milwaukee area that peacefully push back against discriminatory, reactionary or authoritarian actions and policies of the Donald Trump administration, as well as other activities by all those who seek to thwart social justice. We will publicize and promote actions, demonstrations, planning meetings, teachins, party-building meetings, drinking-discussion get-togethers and any other actions that are directed toward fighting back to preserve our liberal democratic system.

Saturday, May 5

Voter and Civic Engagement Campaign @ Acción Ciudadana de Wisconsin (221 S. Second St.), 10 a.m.-1 p.m.

Acción Ciudadana de Wisconsin, Latino Voting Bloc of Wisconsin and Citizen Action of Wisconsin have organized a weekly Saturday campaign of knocking on doors and phone banking to get people thinking about the 2018 elections. Volunteers can go out and talk to voters about the issues that they care about and get them involved in different events happening in the community.

Peace Action Wisconsin: Stand for Peace @ The corner of Howell and Layton avenues, noon-1 p.m.

Every Saturday from noon-1 p.m., concerned citizens join with Peace Action Wisconsin to protest war and, quite literally, “Stand for Peace.” Signs will be provided for those who need them. Protesters are encouraged to stick around for conversation and coffee afterward.

Domestic Human Trafficking 101 @ Brookfield Public Library (1900 N. Calhoun Road), 1-2:30 p.m.

The Redeem and Restore Center will host an overview of what domestic human trafficking is and what can be done about it. Attendees will watch Chosen, a 20-minute documentary about human trafficking, and receive volunteer training.

Dontre Day @ Red Arrow Park (920 N. Water St.), noon-5 p.m. Since Dontre Hamilton was killed four years ago in Red Arrow Park by a Milwaukee police officer, the Hamilton family and other community members have come together for a day of dance, music, poetry, love and respect to encourage change and inspire others.

March for Cannabis @ MacArthur Square Parking Structure (841 N. James Lovell St.), 1-4 p.m.

Milwaukee’s eighth annual March for Cannabis will begin at MacArthur Square Park

and make its way Downtown. Speakers include Eric Marsch of Southeast Wisconsin NORML, Rick Banks of Black Leaders Organizing for Communities, Tiffany Anderson of the Greater Milwaukee Green Party, State Rep. David Bowen and several pro-cannabis candidates for governor.

Syrian and Palestinian Refugee Fundraiser @ Islamic Society of Milwaukee (4707 S. 13th St.), 7 p.m.

The Hanan Refugee Relief Group will host a fundraiser to benefit Syrian and Palestinian refugees in Jordan. Ruba Sarsour will discuss the group’s past, present and future projects. Dinner and entertainment will be provided.

5 de Mayo @ Riverwest Public House (815 E. Locust St.), 9 p.m.-midnight

Voces de la Frontera will join the Riverwest Public House for a special Cinco de Mayo build-your-own happy hour featuring a raffle, scavenger hunt and spoken word skits. Reggae fusion band They GuanUs will also perform.

Monday, May 7

Community Listening Session with Rep. Jonathan Brostoff and Sen. Chris Larson @ Milwaukee Public Library (2320 N. Cramer St.), 1-2:30 p.m.

Rep. Jonathan Brostoff and Sen. Chris Larson will come together to hold a public listening session open to all citizens. These sessions are a great way to speak directly to those representing you in Madison, Wis., and listen to the concerns of your neighbors.

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Tuesday, May 8

MeToo: Taking a Stand Against Women’s Oppression @ Milwaukee Public Library (906 W. Historic Mitchell St.), 6-7:30 p.m. Author, activist and journalist Nicole Colson will speak at this Milwaukee International Socialist Organization event about how socialists understand sexism. This talk is part of the Socialism Tour 2018.

Across the Divide: Foxconn Forum @ The Prairie School (4050 Lighthouse Drive, Wind Point), 6:308 p.m.

WUWM’s Mitch Teich and the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel’s Erin Richards will moderate a panel on Foxconn. Panelists include WUWM environmental reporter Susan Bence and Milwaukee Journal Sentinel reporters Jason Stein and Rick Rommell. The event is free, but an RSVP is required.

To submit to this column, please send a brief description of your action, including date and time, to savingourdemocracy@shepex.com. Together, we can fight to minimize the damage that Donald Trump and others of his kind have planned for our great country. Comment at shepherdexpress.com.

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SHEPHERD EXPRESS

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NEWS&VIEWS::TAKINGLIBERTIES

Wisconsin’s ‘Welfare Cadillac’ War on the Poor ::BY JOEL MCNALLY

nce again, Wisconsin under Gov. Scott Walker is providing a model for the nation for what Republicans euphemistically call “welfare reform,” which looks a lot more like punishing the poor for needing government assistance. Suddenly, it’s 1996 again, when Republican Gov. Tommy Thompson’s notorious W-2 (Wisconsin Works) program created the structure for Democratic President Bill Clinton’s federal plan ending “welfare as we know it.” The difference, of course, was that Thompson and many Republicans back then were at least decent enough to fund daycare for single mothers working full time for wages that kept them in poverty, often caring for other people’s children instead of staying home to care for their own. These days, under the exceptionally nasty Donald Trump Republican presidency, there are no longer any limits to just how many cruel, mean-

spirited requirements can be placed on poor folks to receive assistance for health care, safe housing or food for their families. Welfare reform has always been a misnomer. Republicans have no intention of improving welfare assistance for families who desperately need it. They simply want to reduce costs by helping fewer people. Republicans justify that with a blatantly cruel falsehood that claims living in poverty is a life of leisure. Anyone who’s ever been poor knows better. Struggling to survive without money is hard; so hard, in fact, many do not survive.

Walker’s Trampoline

Only someone like Walker who’s never lived on minimal government assistance could say: “We should treat public assistance more like a trampoline than a hammock.” Skimpy, rapidly evaporating benefits provide neither the fun of bouncing on a trampoline nor the relaxation of a hammock. Clinton’s reforms reduced the number of families nationally receiving welfare benefits from 12.4 million in 1996 to 4.6 million in 2012. Where did those millions of poor families go? Nobody really knows, and, frankly, Republicans don’t care. But with the government’s safety net disappearing, how do Republicans justify taking even more away from those who have the least? Walker’s cover story is to pretend he’s doing poor people a great big favor by teaching them the value of work before they can receive any health care, housing assistance or food to eat.

Nothing confers dignity upon the poor like seeing their children go hungry living in a homeless shelter without access to health care. That’s why Walker toured the state celebrating the signing of nine new Republican work requirements and restrictions on benefits. Parents with children more than 6 years old would lose food assistance after three months unless they worked 30 hours a week or got more job training. Other work requirements and drug testing would be added to living in public housing and, with Trump’s approval, for anyone receiving heath care through Medicaid. With all that emphasis on work, it might seem surprising Walker also tucked into the law a nasty little provision intentionally making it more difficult for anyone receiving benefits to get to a job: Anyone owning a car worth more than $20,000 is specifically prohibited from receiving food assistance or W-2 cash benefits.

Restricting Access to Jobs

Why would the state restrict poor people’s access to reliable transportation to good-paying jobs that are often beyond the reach of public transportation? Junkers breaking down and continually needing costly repairs are a barrier to employment in poor communities. Actually, anyone growing up amid the racist stereotypes common in white communities knows exactly why that provision was written. That’s Wisconsin’s “Welfare Cadillac” Law. Racist legislators don’t want black people driving Cadillacs to pick up their welfare benefits.

The racist mythology of the “Welfare Cadillac” has an ugly Republican history going back to President Richard Nixon. Nixon was the president whose so-called “Southern Strategy” betrayed the party of Abraham Lincoln by going after the votes of racist, white, Southern Democrats alienated by President Lyndon Johnson’s support for civil rights and voting rights. It worked. What had been the reliably solid Democratic South has voted solidly Republican ever since. In 1972, when Johnny Cash played Nixon’s White House, Nixon personally requested that he play “Welfare Cadillac”—a crude, racist song by a deservedly obscure country singer named Guy Drake. Cash showed why he was a cultural icon that day when he told the President of the United States he didn’t know that song but would play a few of his own. He then performed two of his most pointed political songs: “The Man in Black,” declaring his solidarity with the poor, the oppressed and the incarcerated; and “What Is Truth,” expressing appreciation for the idealistic, young protesters against the Vietnam War. Nixon’s big lie about welfare going to Cadillac-driving African Americans is still being perpetuated decades later by Republicans like Walker to draw racist support for their war on the poor. Ironically, the majority receiving government survival benefits has always been the white majority, especially those trapped in dying, small towns who foolishly believed Donald Trump would magically create jobs for their abandoned, boarded-up communities. Comment at shepherdexpress.com. n

NEWS&VIEWS::POLL

You Don’t Think Scott Walker Will Win Reelection Last week we asked if you think Scott Walker will be elected to a third term as governor this fall. You said: n Yes: 44% n No: 56%

What Do You Say? Do you believe the Milwaukee Brewers will make the playoffs this year? n Yes n No Vote online at shepherdexpress.com. We’ll publish the results of this poll in next week’s issue.

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SHEPHERD EXPRESS

NEWS&VIEWS::HEROOFTHEWEEK

True Stories from True Skool ::BY ERIN BLOODGOOD

ip-Hop is more than a music genre; it is a tool used by people to challenge the status quo and tell their stories of the injustices they face. True Skool uses Hip-Hop and other art forms to encourage and empower youth in the community. True Skool co-directors Shalina S. Ali and Fidel Verdin both grew up in Milwaukee attending public schools where they felt misunderstood and undervalued. Having personally experienced the challenges that the system put in place for Milwaukee’s youth, Ali and Verdin have structured True Skool to be a safe place where, as Verdin says, “Anyone that walks in is respected, acknowledged and loved.” While the two had drastically different childhoods, they both used their own early life lessons to teach others about peace and social justice. True Skool started 14 years ago when Verdin

began hosting neighborhood events and using art to develop curricula for conflict resolution. “We built a community; we built a following, and that was the beginning,” he says. When Ali joined the team six years ago, she worked with True Skool’s teaching artists to refine their curricula and strengthen relationships between the staff members. True Skool hires local artists to teach eightweek-long after-school programs on the subjects of DJing, emceeing, breakdancing, visual arts, music production, live band and video production. Students from ages 14 to 19 learn how to use art as a means of creative thinking and problem solving—whether or not they choose to pursue a career in the arts. Ali explains that the staff is there to guide the students by asking them: “What are your options? What’s the best life you want to lead? How can we help you get there?” At the end of the course, the students put together a showcase with one of True Skool’s community partners, allowing them to apply their skills to benefit the community. Many students that finish the programs return to participate in the summer alumni program for ages 19 to 24, which focuses on career development. The goal is for these youth to be able to start their careers in Milwaukee—whether or not they choose to stay long term. True Skool presents opportunities that the youth may not have known were there and teaches them that they have the power to make a difference. “You might have a little bitty voice in this whole global spectrum, but your little bitty voice better be heard on the right side of history,” says Verdin. It’s all about the youth, Ali and Verdin explain. If you can open up possibilities for them, you can change their future. For more on True Skool, visit trueskool. org. For more of Erin Bloodgood’s work, go to bloodgoodfoto.com. Comment at shepherdexpress.com. n

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::DININGOUT

DAVE ZYLSTRA

FEATURE | SHORT ORDER | EAT/DRINK

For more Dining, log onto shepherdexpress.com

La Masa Empanada Bar

Savory and Sweet Empanadas at La Masa

survived the test of time. Grilled chicken is mixed into a peanut sauce made creamy with coconut milk, lime and crushed peanuts. It’s a light riff on Thai curry and one of the richer options on offer. Of course it wouldn’t be a Wisconsin restaurant without plenty of cheese. You’d expect a Spanish take on ham and cheese from the jamón y queso, but pulled Berkshire ham, cream cheese, mozzarella, aged cheddar and Gruyere don’t exactly point that way. No matter, because it’s salty and filling. Cheese curds make an appearance too, in a simple combination with bacon that’s always a crowd pleaser. Diners can choose between three sauces for dipping on the side. Chimichurri is the best of the bunch, made with fresh herbs and olive oil. It adds a fresh lift to the heavier empanadas. Aji amarillo aioli, made with a Peruvian yellow chile, is thin ::BY LACEY MUSZYNSKI enough for dipping and has just enough fruitiness from the chile. Similar to how Mexican restaurants bundle tacos with rice and beans, when you estaurants that serve only one type of food are either chasorder three empanadas, La Masa throws in a large helping of jicama slaw. As someing a trend or simply specializing in what they know best. one who is admittedly not a slaw person, this stuff has changed my mind. The mix If it’s the former, chances are the restaurant won’t last very of crisp veggies and peppers is in a thin, light sauce and topped with crushed Spanlong. But if it’s the latter, you can often find something ish corn nuts (aka quicos, which you can also order as a snack) for crunch. unique and done extremely well. If you can tear yourself away from the empanadas—though I’m not sure why you’d Fortunately for Milwaukee, La Masa falls into the latter want to—there are a few sandwiches and salads to choose from. Grilled ribeye category. Still going strong after almost three years of operations, the Brady Street restaurant offers more than a dozen ($13) with caramelized onions, mixed greens and poblano avocado sauce is served on ciabatta. A grapefruit and goat cheese salad ($8-$12) with spring mix, grapefruit different types of baked empanadas, all priced between $3 segments, jicama, avocado, goat cheese and blood orange vinaigrette comes in and $4. You can make them a meal with a side or two, or you large and small sizes. can pick them up as a late night snack And if you think an emapanada spot probably wouldn’t while you’re barhopping. It’s a great fit have dessert, you’re wrong. Ricotta, lemon zest and chocofor the busy location. late chips fill one, while another gets the classic banana and One thing that works to their Nutella combo. Top either with homemade dulce de leche great advantage: You can put La Masa ice cream if you’re feeling really indulgent (though staff practically anything in an empaEmpanada Bar won’t bat an eye if you order a sweet emapanada with your nada, and they do. Some fillings 1300 E. Brady St. savory ones). change seasonally, rotating between things like 414-855-1866 | $-$$ Happy hour hawks take note: Every weekday between 3 meatball and provolone in winter and blackened chicken and 6 p.m., La Masa offers select $2 empanadas along with and pineapple in the summer. lamasaempanadas.com drink specials. There are usually a few different empanadas Some empanadas are menu staples and for good reason. Handicapped access: Yes to choose from, and surprisingly, even if you order three $2 Argentine beef is one of the more classic recipes, based on CC, FB, LT, SB, OD empanadas, you still get a side and sauce thrown in. It’s one picadillo. Ground beef is seasoned aggressively and comHours: M-Th 11 a.m.-11 p.m., of the better happy hour food deals in town, especially conbined with green olives for tang, raisins for sweetness, chiles F 11 a.m.-1 a.m., sidering you get to enjoy it in the Moroccan-inspired atmoand chopped hardboiled egg. The flavors are bold and it’s a sphere. With deals like that, La Masa is sure to be around for Sa 10 a.m.-1 a.m., treat when you find a large olive or chunk of egg. a lot more years. Thai chicken peanut is also an empanada that has Su 10 a.m.-9 p.m.

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SHEPHERD EXPRESS

New Arthritis Painkiller Works on Contact and Numbs the Pain in Minutes New cream works faster and is more targeted than oral medications. Key ingredients penetrate the skin within minutes to relieve joint arthritis pain. Users report significant immediate relief.

By Robert Ward Associated Health Press BOSTON – Innovus Pharmaceuticals has introduced a new arthritis pain relief treatment that works in minutes. Sold under the brand name Apeaz™, the new pain relief cream numbs the nerves right below the skin. When applied to an arthritic joint, or a painful area on the body, it delivers immediate relief that lasts for hours and hours. The powerful painkilling effect is created by the creams active ingredient, a special medical compound. Anesthetics are used in hospitals during surgery. They block nerve signals from the brain so that patients don’t feel pain and they work fast. The anesthetic found in Apeaz™ is the strongest available without a prescription. The cream form allows users to directly target their area of pain. It works where it is applied. The company says this is why the product is so effective and fast acting. “Users can expect to feel relief immediately after applying,” explains Dr. Bassam Damaj, President of Innovus Pharmaceuticals. “There will a pleasant warming sensation that is followed by a cool, soothing one. This is how you know that the active ingredients have reached the infected joint and tissue.”

Works In Minutes For arthritis suffers, Apeaz offers impressive advantages over traditional medications. The most obvious is how quickly it relieves discomfort. The cream contains the maximum approved dose of a top anesthetic, which penetrates the skin in a matter of minutes to numb the area that’s in pain. This relief lasts for several hours.

Additional ingredients in the cream help suppress inflammation around tissues and joints. Published pre-clinical studies have shown that the ingredients in Apeaz™ can also prevent further bone and cartilage destruction. There are also no negative side effects from the oral medication. Apeaz™ delivers its ingredients through the skin. Oral medications are absorbed in the digestive tract. Overtime, the chemicals in pills can tear the delicate lining of the stomach, causing ulcers and bleeding. When compared to other arthritis medications, Apeaz™ is a fraction of the cost. At less than $2 a day, the cream quickly is becoming a household name. Those with terrible arthritis in their hands and fingers, love how easy Apeaz™ is to open. The jar fits in the palm of the hand, which makes it much easier to use.

Instant Pain Relief Without a Prescription Many Apeaz™ users report significant improvements in daily aches and pain. Many more report increased flexibility and less stiffness. They are moving pain free for the first time in years, like Henry Esber, and early user of Apeaz™. “I’ve tried more pills than I can count. I’ve also had a handful of cortisone shots. Nothing is as effective as this product. With Apeaz™, I get relief right away. I rub a little on my knees and some through my hands. It keeps the pain away. It also prevents the pain from getting really bad. It’s completely changed my life.”

How It Works “Apeaz™ contains the highest, non-prescription dose of a medical compound that fights pain on contact. When applied to the skin it goes to work within minutes by penetrating right to the source of your pain, numbing the nerve endings.”

Apeaz™ is an FDA drug with approved claims for the pain relief of the following conditions: • Arthritis pain • Simple back pain • Strains • Sprains • Athletic injuries • Muscle stiffness and pain • Wrist, elbow, shoulder, hip, knee, ankle, foot, muscle or joint pain

Apeaz™: Quick Acting Pain and Arthritis Cream is Now Available Without a Prescription “This is why Apeaz™ is so effective for people with arthritis. It reduces pain while adding an additional layer of joint protection,” explains Damaj.

A New Way to Treat Pain Although Dr. Damaj and his team say that their cream is the fastest and most effective way to relieve arthritis pain, they believe there is still a reason to take joint pills. The most effective are those which help to further strengthen and support the joints. That’s why every container of Apeaz™ comes with ArthriVarx™, a breakthrough pill that’s taking on joint support in an entirely new way. ArthriVarx™ works on your joints, making it the perfect companion to Apeaz™. “ArthriVarx™ contains special compounds published to lubricate the joints and connective tissues that surrounds them. With daily use, they improve joint health and can give an extra cushion,” explains Dr. Damaj. “When combined with Apeaz™, it becomes the perfect system to tackle arthritis. While the anesthetic component of Apeaz™ is working on the outside, relieving pain on contact, ArthriVarx™ is working on the inside, adding cushioning to the joints”’

A Powerful Combination For Arthritis and Joint Pain With daily use, Apeaz™ plus ArthriVarx™ helps users live a more vital,

pain free life without any of the negative side effects or interactions associated with oral drugs. By delivering fast, long-lasting, and targeted relief from joint pain and reducing inflammation and swelling that causes joint damage, Apeaz™ and ArthriVarx™ is the newest, most effective way to tackle your arthritis pain. You can now enjoy an entirely new level of comfort that’s both safe and affordable. It is also extremely effective, especially if nothing else has worked well for you.

How to Get Apeaz™ in Wisconsin This is the official public release of Apeaz™. As such, the company is offering a special discounted supply to any jointpain arthritis-sufferer who calls within the next 48 hours. A special hotline number and discounted pricing has been created for all Wisconsin residents. Discounts will be available starting today at 6:00AM and will automatically be applied to all callers. Your Toll-Free hotline number is 1-800-446-7369 and will only be open for the next 48 hours. Only a limited discounted supply of Apeaz™ is currently available in your region. Consumers who miss out on our current product inventory will have to wait until more becomes available and that could take weeks. Experience the guaranteed Apeaz™ relief already enjoyed by thousands of consumers. The company advises not to wait. Call 1-800-446-7369 today.

APEAZ IS AN FDA OTC COMPLIANT DRUG NDC # 57483-001-04 APPROVED FOR THE RELIEF OF PAIN FROM MUSCLES AND JOINTS INCLUDING ARTHRITIS PAIN. ARTHRIVARX STATEMENTS HAVE NOT BEEN EVALUATED BY THE FDA. ARTHRIVARX IS NOT INTENDED TO DIAGNOSE, TREAT, CURE, OR PREVENT ANY DISEASE AND IS NOT A DRUG. RESULTS MAY VARY.

SHEPHERD EXPRESS

M AY 3 , 2 0 1 8 | 15

DININGOUT::EATDRINK SHEPHERD STAFF

DININGOUT::SHORTORDER

The Gouda Girls Serve Up Comfort ::BY SHEILA JULSON

Hawaiian Omelet from El Greco

UNIQUE BREAKFASTS AT EL GRECO ::BY JAMIE LEE RAKE

The wide menu at El Greco Family Restaurant (9143 W. Appleton Ave.) should hold appeal for many diners. As with many family styled establishments, breakfast is served all day, and El Greco has some of the most unique ones in the city. Among them, a catfish and eggs plate, with its fleshy filet making a satisfying complement to fried eggs, toast and a choice of hash browns, cubed potatoes or—for a couple dollars’ up-charge—a generous fruit array of melon slices, red grapes and pineapple. Pork lovers may gravitate to a dish paralleling a popular pizza variation—the Hawaiian omelet’s ham, bacon and Colby cheese with bits of pineapple makes for a hearty combo of salty, chewy, sweet and fluffy. A low-carb breakfast of scrambled Egg Beaters with spinach and feta is delightfully filling for being so seemingly light. On my “to try” list are the broasted chicken and waffles and chorizo and eggs, the latter served with refried beans and tortillas. Get to El Greco early enough in the morning for a complimentary piece of spice cake, making the trip all the more worthwhile.

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ina Tonn and her wife, Katherine, also known as The Gouda Girls, live up to their tagline “curbside comfort.” From the fun, dairythemed graphics on their food truck to their blissful, stringy, creamy grilled cheese sandwiches and mac and cheese, all served with a warm “thank you” and a smile, they’ve become favorites at area events. The food truck idea was born when Katherine had to change careers due to a health issue. She and Tina, who had been a truck driver prior to starting The Gouda Girls, tossed around ideas. “Although I was a Girl Scout leader, a Sunday school teacher and school mom, I always wanted to be a ‘carnie girl’ and thought about getting a nice cart and selling fruit and frozen yogurt. And Tina was like, ‘No, that won’t sell,’” Katherine said with a laugh. They had always loved people and crowds, and, inspired by “The Great Food Truck Race” on the Food Network, they looked into a food truck business. In 2011, Tina reached out to the owners of Tigerbite, a food truck that offered Asian style tacos, and they pointed her in the right direction to get started. That October, Tina and Katherine purchased a food truck on eBay and drove it home from Virginia. The truck, named Ellie, today has about 75,000 miles as the Tonns travel throughout Milwaukee and beyond, serving up their gooey goodness. Neither Katherine nor Tina has a culinary background, but they put their “Gouda twist” on family recipes. Katherine was inspired by her grandmother’s cooking. Tina’s mother is from Copenhagen, Denmark, so she

was raised with a unique palate. Customers can enjoy a classic grilled cheese with white bread and American cheese, or go extreme cheesy with The Triple—Gouda, Colby Jack and Havarti. The Roma features roasted Roma tomatoes in Parmesan butter and seasonings, with mozzarella and Asiago cheese on Italian bread. Do you prefer a scoop of mac and cheese on your grilled cheese sandwich? They do that, too. The Gouda Girls have won or placed in many food contests, including the Grilled Cheese Championship held in Dodgeville, Wis.; the World Food Championship; and Baconfest MKE. They use local ingredients including Wisconsin cheese, milk and butter, and bread from Canfora Bakery. In 2016, The Gouda Girls were approached by Blue Ribbon Management to be part of a new food court in Eleven25 (1125 N. Ninth St.), an apartment building in part of the former Pabst Brewery. Now in the midst of a ﬁve-year lease, they’re enjoying mingling with morning customers including apartment tenants, nearby construction workers and a gentleman who was an electrician at Pabst. The Eleven25 menu has the truck items, as well as fries, fried cheese curds and more versions of their mac and cheese. The Gouda Girls have several catering events on the calendar, and they’ll return as one of the vendors for Chill on the Hill, the popular music concert series at Humboldt Park. They’ll also be at the Naval Station Great Lakes in Illinois; events at the Milwaukee County Zoo; the July 4 celebration at Lake Park; and Food Truck Friday at Morgan Park. They also go to events in smaller Wisconsin towns that usually don’t have food trucks. Although they’re busy almost every calendar day from May through October, they concur they’ve never actually ‘worked’ a day because they love what they do. “Milwaukee is our family. We’ve never felt so supported and loved,” Katherine said. For more information, visit goudagirls.com.

SALADS IN THE BAG ::BY DAVID LUHRSSEN It’s expensive to eat lunch out on workdays—but brown bagging it? That gets tiresome soon enough. London chefs Naomi Twigden and Anna Pinder suggest some 150 alternatives in their new book, Lunchbox Salads. They present recipes for delicious and healthy looking lunches. How about that tuna steak and sweet potato-noodle combo? Most of their dishes are definable as salads, but many don’t contain a speck of lettuce. There are also recipes for salad dressings. Packing instructions are included so as to avoid a soggy brown bag. SHEPHERD EXPRESS

::SPORTS A Fascinating Aberration in an Otherwise Abysmal Season A BRIEF HISTORY OF THE BREWERS’ 2003 10-GAME WINNING STREAK ::BY KYLE LOBNER

he Milwaukee Brewers wrapped up an eight-game winning streak with a loss to the Chicago Cubs on Thursday and, as such, fell a bit short of history. They were a little more than halfway to the longest single-season winning streak in franchise history: the fabled 13-0 run to open the 1987 season (the record streak is actually 16 games across two seasons, including the ﬁnal three games in 1986). That streak featured several legendary Brewers moments, including Juan Nieves’ no-hitter and a ﬁve-run comeback in the bottom of the ninth on Easter Sunday. The Brewers’ longest winning streaks since 1987 have both been 10 games long. One came in 1988 as part of a season where Milwaukee went 87-75, which would likely be good enough for a playoff berth under MLB’s current format. The other one was a fascinating aberration in an otherwise abysmal 2003 season. On Aug. 17, 2003, the Brewers lost to the Pirates to fall to 48-75. After an off day, they entered play on Aug. 19 with baseball’s thirdworst record, ahead of only a historically bad Tigers team and a Padres team that lost 98 games. They won that day and on each of the nine days that followed—a 10-0 run in an otherwise 58-94 season. Like the 1987 streak, this stretch also featured some heroic moments, although they’re less often remembered.

An Inauspicious Start The streak started in an unlikely way. The Brewers beat the Phillies on Aug. 19 in a game that featured one of the shortest outings of Ben Sheets’ MLB career as he lasted just one inning and threw just 10 pitches before leaving with shoulder soreness. The Brewers, however, rallied late behind a three-run home run from veteran journeyman Mark Smith. All three of Smith’s home runs as a Brewer came during the ﬁnal two weeks of August this season. SHEPHERD EXPRESS

The next two games featured another pair of unlikely heroes. On Aug. 20, Matt Kinney pitched eight scoreless innings, the longest such outing of his career. Aug. 21 featured a home run from outﬁelder Jason Conti, his ﬁrst as a Brewer and second-to-last as a major leaguer.

Close Calls Fresh off that sweep of the Phillies, the Brewers welcomed the 57-68 Pirates to town and proceeded to steal away a series of nailbiters. They won 3-2 on Aug. 22 behind a seven-inning, one-run start from Wayne Franklin, a feat he never accomplished again in the majors. On Aug. 23, they took a 5-1 lead into the eighth inning but had to rally in the bottom of the ninth to escape with a 7-6 walk-off win. On Aug. 24, they snuck away with a win in an even wilder game, scoring single runs in the eighth and ninth to secure a 10-9 victory and extend the streak to six games. Scott Podsednik tied a Brewers franchise record by scoring four runs in the ﬁnal game of the series. He batted .395 with a .469 on-base percentage and .674 slugging during the streak.

Jenkins Provides the Power The Brewers took their hot streak on the road, needing four wins in Cincinnati to claw their way out of sole possession of sixth place in the NL Central. They got all four behind an impressive power display from Geoff Jenkins, who homered in every game in the series. Jenkins was, of course, no stranger to hot streaks. This was the third four-game homer streak of his career and the second one of that very season. He had also done it against the Twins and Cubs from June 22-26.

The Thrill is Gone This streak ended, unfortunately, along with Jenkins’ season. He left the Brewers’ 10thconsecutive win with a thumb injury and did not return until 2004. With Jenkins out of the lineup, the Brewers lost 4-2 to the Cubs and snapped their long hot streak. They did maintain enough momentum to win four of their next five games, but the team faded badly in September, going 6-17 in their final 23 contests. The 2003 Brewers’ streak, while fascinating as a standalone event, didn’t end up meaning much in the long term. The Brewers still finished 68-94 and in last place in the NL Central, and the streak’s only lasting impact was on their draft position: They received the fifth overall pick in the 2004 draft, which they used on pitcher and (very brief) big leaguer Mark Rogers. Draft sacrifices aside, however, the 2003 hot streak injected some life into an otherwise negligible Brewers season and proved that even bad teams can be fun sometimes. M AY 3 , 2 0 1 8 | 17

::ASKTHEEXPERTS

HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT GOING VEGAN? WHAT DOUBTS DO YOU HAVE? I asked my Facebook friends these questions and got a considerable amount of responses. Responses that I didn’t expect. It doesn’t seem that the typical bad reputation that vegans have of being protein-deficient or boring eaters is what’s stopping people who have contemplated transitioning to veganism from actually transitioning. It seems that there’s a deeper uncertainty or a lack of confidence that’s stopping people from taking the plunge. “My family won’t convert with me. How do I get my kids and husband to go vegan with me?”, is the response that stood out to me most because, even after 9 years of being meat-free, I still struggle getting my family to wrap their heads around the concept without bringing me down or making fun of my choices. I can only imagine how hard it would be to convert my six older meat-loving brothers. So, how can you be vegan when your family is not? My advice is to not try and jump in all at once with your spouse and kids hooked at your side. Going vegan alone is already a big adjustment. It’s important to focus on your own transition before your family’s, like with emergencies on airplanes! Adding more people will only make it harder for you. Being a positive example of veganism will help them understand the concept and reassure them that the negative vegan stereotypes don’t apply to everyone! Having more vegan food around the house will open up their minds to what vegans really eat. Surprise them with a delicious vegan

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cupcake or start the tradition of making veggie burgers for dinner every Monday night! That way they won’t find vegan food so intimidating. The point is, you can’t force them to drop animal products, they have to want to do it on their own. As far as putting up with your family making fun of your transition, because they likely will, it’s important to first understand that they’re coming from a place of uncertainty and they might just be uncomfortable or intimidated by the idea. Regardless of their reason, never take the negative comments personally. Feel certain about your choices and have the knowledge to back them up. Don’t get defensive, that’ll make you and your opinions seem weak! Instead, be polite and keep your answers to the point. Maybe question them why they feel the need to bring your choices up everytime they see you. Break them down in a positive way by turning the questions on them. They might learn something about themselves! To help push you and your family in the right direction, I give you my Black Bean ‘Cheddar Cheese’ Burger recipe! They make a nutrient-dense dinner that’s delicious and incredibly satisfying. Each burger has over 15 grams of protein from the patty and ‘cheese’ alone! For the ‘cheddar cheese’ recipe, check out bunnysbite.com or @bunnysbite on Facebook and Instagram. In the meantime, check out the black bean burger recipe! Enjoy!

BLACK BEAN BURGER INGREDIENTS: • 2 14-15 oz cans black beans drained and rinsed • 1 cup breadcrumbs • 1 jalapeño, seeds removed and finely diced • 1/4 of a small red onion, finely diced • 1/2 cup frozen organic sweet corn • 2 garlic cloves, peeled and minced • 1/2 cup cilantro, tightly packed • 1 tsp ground cumin • 1/2 tsp chili powder • 1/2 tsp smoked paprika • 1/2 tsp salt • 1/2 tsp red pepper flakes • 1/4 tsp freshly ground black pepper • 1 tsp flax-egg (To make flax egg: mix 2 tbsp of water with 1 tbsp of ground

flax-seeds. Let sit for 10 minutes before use.) • juice from half a lime INSTRUCTIONS: 1. Add all of the ingredients to a food processor and process until fully combined. You can process in until smooth or leave it a little chunky. 2. Let mixture chill in the refrigerator for 20-30 min. 3. Preheat oven to 400°F and line a baking sheet with parchment paper. 4. Form mixture into 6 equal sized patties. 5. Bake for a total of 40 min., flipping halfway through. 6. Assemble burger with your favorite toppings and enjoy! SPONSORED CONTENT

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::A&E

For more A&E, log onto shepherdexpress.com

A Marriage of Opera and Dance in ‘Svadba-Wedding’

Milwaukee Opera Theatre and Wild Space Dance Company join at Best Place ::BY JOHN SCHNEIDER wo of Milwaukee’s most eligible performance companies are remarried in the Milwaukee premiere of the unusual one-act opera, Svadba-Wedding. Jill Anna Ponasik and Debra Loewen— artistic directors, respectively, of Milwaukee Opera Theatre and Wild Space Dance Company—credit the artistic rewards of their co-production of Missy Mazzoli’s Songs from the Uproar at the Broadway Theatre Center in 2016 as inspiration for another partnership. Both women love and have built strong careers on sitespecific performances. They want to make that kind of show together now. Ponasik suggested Serbian-Canadian composer Ana Sokolović’s virtuosic, 65-minute a capella work for six women. Svadba-Wedding premiered to acclaim in Toronto in 2011 and has gathered international attention. “I thought, what could be a better fit with Wild Space?” she said. “It’s just human bodies. No piano. No band. From my production point of view, all we need are six singers. It opens up anything.” The characters are a bride-to-be, Milica, and her closest friends as they prepare for Milica’s wedding on the eve of this irrevocable rite of passage. “We wanted to do it at an actual wedding venue,” Loewen said. She knew that the inviting Great Hall of Best Place in Joseph Pabst’s historic brewery on Juneau Avenue was a popular spot for wedding parties. In fact, she’d been to several. Moreover, in 2012 she’d made a site-specific dance for Wild Space in the eight-story parking structure across the street. It was titled Milwaukee 360 because of the view at the top. She checked with the management and learned that although the hall is booked for weddings every weekend, it’s available on weeknights.

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The Great Hall was added to the original Pabst complex in 1889. The beautiful entrance is between Ninth and Tenth streets on Juneau. The two-storied hall has enormous windows, variously designed chandeliers and a gorgeous wood floor. Natural lighting will serve the dusky early scenes of Svadba-Wedding. Audience members will be seated at roomy tables spread throughout the hall and will be free to walk about. The tables will be decorated as if for Milica’s wedding reception. The room’s long bar will operate throughout the performance. The action and atmosphere will suggest a rehearsal party. The dancers will perform in every open space, between tables, at the bar and along the windowed walls. Captain Pabst’s wellpreserved administrative office in a corner of the hall will become an open-to-view changing room for the dancers as they try on their wedding outfits. “The idea,” Loewen said, “is that these are girls together getting beautiful for the wedding, dressing and getting their hair done and preparing their best friend for this lifechanging event. We’ll have flower girls putting finishing touches on the tables as people arrive and going, ‘Oh, you’re here early for the rehearsal event?’ Well, the bar is open. “On the tables will be small mementos the dancers will pick up and use during the performance,” she continued. “They’re saying goodbye to the bride and a way to say it is, here’s this little picture of us when we were in the fifth grade, here’s a magic coin my grandmother gave me, here’s a bracelet that will bring you luck.” The singers will also move as a group and arrange themselves in different formations, but they’re gestural abilities are restricted by the music’s difficulties. The libretto is in Serbian with many sound effects like “blblblblbl” and “wah-dju wah-dju,” tongue clicks and handclaps. Time signatures change constantly, notes are written many to a bar, phrases are often in counterpoint with speedy tempos. The singing will start and stop precisely, led by conductor Adam Qutaishat who’ll have his own floor plan to follow. “There’s no other singing work that I could compare this to,” Ponasik Milwaukee said. “They’re using their voices for 65 minutes straight. No one gets a song Opera off to change costume or get water or Theatre something. It’s a capella so they’re the and only thing making sounds. You can only Wild Space physically rehearse this so much. We’ve rehearsed on a kind of schedule we’ve Dance never done before in MOT, over several Company months and with long gaps to let it sink in. The singers have to mind-meld. SvadbaThey have to learn it together. It can’t Wedding be done with a coach at home. They’re Great Hall forming this little society and I think at Best Place that has to happen.” May 8-10, Translations of the libretto will be on each table, but Loewen and Ponasik 7:30 p.m. don’t think we’ll need them. “It goes beyond language and specificity to a place that’s genuinely universal,” Ponasik said. “It’s about passages, juncture and change. It’s uniquely old and new at once.”“Everything we’re doing should reveal the meaning,” Loewen agreed. “What I like about the singing in this is that although they’re trained opera singers, they’re people first. You feel their intimacy and their care for one another.” Performances are at 7:30 p.m., May 8-10 in the Great Hall at Best Place, 923 W. Juneau Ave. For tickets, call 800-838-3006 or visit wildspacedance.org.

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::THISWEEKINMILWAUKEE FRIDAY, MAY 4

Dweezil Zappa @ The Pabst Theater, 8 p.m.

Dweezil Zappa has been playing guitar for much of his life, but of his many, scattered musical projects, he’s found the most success fronting Zappa Plays Zappa—a rotating tribute band paying homage to his legendary father, Frank Zappa. Two years ago, though, Zappa received a cease-and-desist order from his own family trust, which claimed a trademark on the name “Zappa Plays Zappa.” A bunch of complicated legal negotiations followed, but they didn’t deter Zappa from doing his thing. He’s still on the road, playing his father’s quirky rock songs—as an act of defiance, he even named one of his recent tours the “Cease and Desist Tour.” He’s given this current tour the less incendiary title “Choice Cuts!” and promises it’ll feature a wide variety of his father’s music.

“Stars War II.V: The Empire Strikes Back to the Future” @ ComedySportz, 8 p.m. Dale Watson and His Lone Stars

THURSDAY, MAY 3 Dale Watson and His Lone Stars @ Potawatomi Hotel and Casino, 8:30 p.m.

Austin country purist Dale Watson often sang of tragedy even before he experienced it firsthand, but after his fiancée’s death in a car accident in 2000, his songwriting took a turn toward even more emotionally pained territory. The singer’s struggles coping with her death were captured in Zalman King’s 2006 documentary, Crazy Again, which details Watson’s subsequent nervous breakdown and the period of his life he spent convinced the devil was speaking to him. Watson’s albums have chronicled his attempts to move on and reconcile his own mortality, including 2008’s To Terri With Love, which he dedicated to his fiancée, and 2010’s Carryin’ On, but on recent albums like Under The Influence and Blackjack, he’s run with more feel-good honkytonk sounds. He plays this show for free at the side bar of Potawatomi’s Fire Pit.

In certain geek circles, May 4 is now celebrated internationally as Star Wars Day, thanks to the pun it presents (“May the fourth be with you.”) Once again the Milwaukee sketch comedy troupe Variety Hour Happy Hour are getting in on the action with their own Star Wars parody. This one’s an imagined continuation of the series called “Stars War II.V: The Empire Strikes Back to the Future,” which mashes together the conventions of the two beloved film franchises. Luke Skywalker must travel back to the Star Wars prequels to make sure his parents fall in love. (Also May 5.)

SATURDAY, MAY 5

Modest Mouse w/ Mass Gothic @ The Rave, 8 p.m.

Combining the twitchy guitars of Built to Spill with the loud-soft intensity of The Pixies and a spirit of existential dread that’s distinctly their own, Modest Mouse were one of the most influential indie-rock bands of the ’90s and ’00s. After years of flirting with commercial success, they finally scored a big hit in 2004 with the uncharacteristically bubbly “Float On,” but the wider audience did little to temper their weirder tendencies. The albums that followed, 2007’s We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank (recorded with The Smiths’ Johnny Marr as a band member) and 2015’s Strangers to Ourselves have been every bit as dense, dour and mysterious as their predecessors.

FRIDAY, MAY 4

Milwaukee Psych Fest @ Boone and Crockett, 3 p.m.

“Psych” is one of the most all-inclusive terms in music, a descriptor that can easily be applied to rock, metal, electronica, punk and even folk. And sure enough, each year the Milwaukee Psych Fest makes sure that entire spectrum is represented. The event kicks off at a new location, at Boone and Crockett’s just-opened new home at 818 S. Water, with a two-stage lineup featuring bands from Milwaukee (Moss Folk, Vocokesh and Calliope among them) and from much further away, with the U.K.’s The Telescopes and Chile’s Föllakzoid among the highlights. Then on Saturday, May 5, the festival continues at Company Brewing in Riverwest, with a lineup featuring bands from Brooklyn, N.Y., San Francisco and Norway, as well as Milwaukee’s Slow Walker, Moon Curse and Painted Caves.

Well-Known Strangers w/ Sunspot and Shadowfields @ Shank Hall, 8 p.m.

On the heels of their debut album Aligned, as well as a couple big Shepherd Express Best of Milwaukee wins for Best Rock Band and Best Female Vocalist for singer Betsy Ade, Well-Known Strangers prepare for a very busy summer with this release show for their new EP, Path Away. Produced by Nick Radovanovic at Wire and Vice Studios, the EP offers five more songs of the band’s bombastic, cello-laced alternative rock, while showcasing Ade’s steely voice and the band’s fierce songwriting. Following this show, which they’ll share with Sunspot, a Madison rock band fascinated by the paranormal, and Chicago’s Shadowfields, Well-Known Strangers will play a variety of area festivals this summer, including Bastille Days and Tosa Tonight. The $10 admission includes a copy of the EP.

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Modest Mouse BY BEN MOON Jeff Rosenstock PHOTO BY HIRO TANAKA SHEPHERD EXPRESS

Read our daily events guide, Today in Milwaukee, on shepherdexpress.com

M F

W.A. MOZART’S

THE

AGIC

LUTE

A DRAGON, A BIRD-CATCHER,

A N EP IC F A MI LY - F RI EN DLY A DV ENTUR E

MAY 11&13 MARCUS CENTER FOR

THE PERFORMING ARTS

1-800-32-OPERA www.florentineopera.org

FOR TICKETS, CALL OR VISIT Dita Von Teese and Cooper Coupe Burlesque Revue

TUESDAY, MAY 8

Dita Von Teese and Cooper Coupe Burlesque Revue @ The Pabst Theater, 7:30 p.m.

A seemingly antiquated relic of a long-ago era, burlesque has experienced an unlikely resurgence over the last couple decades, and perhaps no performer deserves more credit for driving its renewed popularity than Dita Von Teese. From her beginnings as a model in fetish magazines, Von Teese helped spark interest in the neo-burlesque movement with her creative and sometimes over-the-top cabaret routines, many of which looked to the early days of Hollywood for inspiration. Few of her peers make burlesque look quite so decadent or glamorous.

WEDNESDAY, MAY 9

MPS All-City Arts Festival @ Summerfest Grounds, 10 a.m.

Since the 1920s, Milwaukee Public School musicians have shown off their talents at the Biennial Music Festival. This year, however, MPS took the event in an even more ambitious, all-encompassing direction and created the All-City Arts Festival, an enormous three-day showcase featuring more than 8,000 students representing 125 schools and more than 180 artistic groups. Elementary, middle- and highschool students will show off their talents for music, dance, theater and art—even the culinary arts are represented. The festival will run from 10 a.m. until 2 p.m. on Wednesday and Thursday, May 9 and 10, and from 10 until 6 p.m. on Friday, May 11.

The Breeders w/ Dorth Nakota @ The Rave, 8 p.m.

Kim Deal may be best remembered for her work with The Pixies, but she found her biggest commercial success with The Breeders, the band she started with her twin sister Kelley while they were still in their teens. Released during the heyday of alternative rock, their 1993 album, Last Splash, featured the dizzying, impossibly catchy hit “Cannonball.” In the years since, the band has recorded only periodically, giving each new album the feel of a major event, and their latest is truly worth celebrating. Recorded with the group’s classic lineup, All Nerve highlights the Deal sisters’ unusual pop sensibilities. SHEPHERD EXPRESS

M AY 3 , 2 0 1 8 | 23

A&E::INREVIEW

In Tandem’s Charming ‘Fantasticks’ ::BY CAROLINE KAUFMAN

n Tandem’s performance of one of the most widely recognized musicals, The Fantasticks, is as charming as it is heartbreaking. Susan Wiedmeyer, as Luisa, and Keegan Siebken, as Matt, capture the innocence and enthusiasm of blossoming, young love without being clichéd. Andrew Varela captures the deviousness of

El Gallo while eloquently delivering his poetic monologues. The duo of zany fathers, played by Matt Daniels as Hucklebee and Chris Flieller as Bellomy, provide comedic relief through their gardening peculiarities and outrageous dance moves. Robert Spencer commands the stage with his performance as Henry Albertson with assistance from his protégé, Mortimer, played by Austin Dorman. Unexpectedly, my favorite part of the performance was watching Mary McLellan effortlessly dance across the stage as the Mute. The outstanding show is directed by Jane Flieller and was accompanied by music director/pianist Josh Robinson and harpist Mary Keppler. Through May 20 at Tenth Street Theatre, 628 N. 10th St. For tickets, call 414-271-1371 or visit intandemtheatre.org.

WCT’s ‘Wait Until Dark’

THEATRE

Waukesha Civic Theatre Stages a Chilling ‘Wait Until Dark’

::BY ANNE SIEGEL

aukesha Civic Theatre strikes a chilling note for mystery buffs in Frederick Knott’s Wait Until Dark. The play debuted on Broadway in 1966 with Lee Remick in the leading female role. Soon afterward, a movie version starred Audrey Hepburn and Alan Arkin and an HBO version appeared in 1982 with Katharine Ross and Stacy Keach. The latest version was written in 2013 by Jeffrey Hatcher (a playwright who has christened several new plays at the Milwaukee Repertory Theater). Wait Until Dark opened last weekend at Waukesha Civic Theatre. As the curtain rises, one meets a pair of recently paroled villains summoned by a third criminal who lets them in on a secret involving a doll transported innocently by a photographer on his flight home from Canada. The doll contains enough heroin to make them all rich men. That’s good news for Mike (Zack Oliver), who has already gambled away his earnings and soon will need to start running from his investors. His partner in crime, Carlino (Logan Milway), isn’t very bright and warms easily to the idea proposed by the ringleader, Roat (Casey Van Dam). Roat already has proved his wickedness by killing a woman whom the other two men know very well. Before anything else happens, Mike and Carlino are instructed to make the body disappear. Then they go to work on their next subject, a young blind woman named Susy. Like Lee Remick and Audrey Hepburn before her, Kaila Rachel Casalino impresses with her convincing and visceral performance. Of course, Susy’s blindness plays right into the thieves’ hands. Or so they think. Director Kelly Goeller can be credited for creating a stunning build-up to the climax. Casalino is everything one would want in a heroine, just as bad guys Milway, Oliver and Van Dam exhibit cunning and patience in their quest for the elusive doll. As Sam, Susy’s husband, Lloyd Munson makes a convincing spouse. Susy sends for help through a young neighbor girl (Ella Vitrano), and the scenes between the two are some of the most entertaining. Like the TV announcer says about a well-known weekly program, Wait Until Dark can claim the same tagline, “Don’t see it alone.” Through May 13 at Waukesha Civic Theatre, 264 W. Main St., Waukesha. For tickets call 262-547-0708 or visit waukeshacivictheatre.org.

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In Tandem’s ‘The Fantasticks’ PHOTO BY MARK FROHNA

DANCE

Serious Matters and Challenging ‘Springdances’ at UWM ::BY JOHN SCHNEIDER

aybe it’s geography. Despite the title of this year’s spring concert by the UW-Milwaukee Dance Department, the student performers in the three premieres by Milwaukee choreographers almost never smiled. Yet I felt joy in watching them. The fourth piece, a short excerpt from a longer unseen work by guest choreographer Ana Maria Alvarez of Los Angeles, was joyous by design and left me empty. A better explanation might be age and culture. Alvarez is founding choreographer of the ContraTiempo Urban Latin Dance Theatre in L.A. and the high-energy commitment of the dancers in her piece had many in the all-ages audience cheering on Saturday night. My problem was that I’ve enjoyed what I consider much better Afro-Caribbean hip-hop cho-

reography by our hometown artists. And, more seriously, that the cheerful recitation by the dancers of a list of cross-cultural human rights (you have the right to be yourself, in summary), followed by some quiet encouraging words forced on representative audience members, seemed to me painfully inadequate to the inequality of suffering it’s meant to address. Others in the crowd, as I’ve said, seemed genuinely grateful. Throughout the evening, two things continued to strike me: first, the care the department has for its students; and second, the difficult challenges we all face today—but perhaps the young most of all. The dances by Milwaukeeans Dawn Springer, Kym McDaniel and Dani Kuepper had in common a strenuous athleticism and a ferocious determination by the dancers to master difficult physical challenges as if they represented life challenges. The makeshift performance space the department created for the show in a wide, windowless, fallout shelter-like area of UWM’s Kenilworth Square East seemed appropriate. The dance/life metaphor was explicit in the wellshaped chaos of Kuepper’s piece, a take on so-called SMART goals advocated by strategic planners. A cast of 24 distinct individuals held their balance in many different, difficult ballet and yoga inspired poses while counting aloud to increasingly higher numbers. In voice-overs, they spoke of fears that they aren’t good enough, of the need to learn from failure, to work hard to improve their skills and to help one another. Springer had her dancers running, spinning and collapsing at almost superhuman speed and scale, while the fortitude required to execute McDaniel’s repeating movements left her dancers shuddering. The joy was that in all cases the students were there for one another, watching, insisting, supporting. SHEPHERD EXPRESS

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t’s always thrilling to hear the master of an instrument in a piece that shows just about everything possible. Norwegian cellist Truls Mørk gave a dazzling performance Saturday evening with Milwaukee Symphony Orchestra. The music was the rarely encountered Sinfonia concertante by Sergei Prokofiev, which is essentially a large-scale cello concerto. Mørk has a gorgeous sound that easily fills the hall at any dynamic level. His playing is technically brilliant and incisive, with intense rhythmic energy. Besides the flashy and fiendishly difficult cadenzas, there was plenty of poetry in this performance, with sweetness in the sound. The audience roared enthusiastically at the end and gave him two curtain calls before Mørk played a soulful encore, which seemed to be a pensive folksong. Veteran conductor Hans Graf led the concert from the podium, and his experience with orchestras was obvious. Former music director of the Houston Symphony, Graf served the music and the musicians without fussiness or overstatement. It was more a situation of letting the music blossom, which I admire. Before the Prokofiev piece a colorful account of Samuel Barber’s 14-minute Medea’s Meditation and Dance of Vengeance was heard. This music, adapted from a ballet score, is more angular than most by this composer, who usually wrote warm melodies. It began with pensive mystery and heated up to driving fury. The nearly sold-out audience surely was there to hear Antonín Dvořák’s Symphony No. 9 “From the New World.” This was written when the composer was living in the U.S. and incorporates what Dvořák called “the spirit of these national American melodies.” The symphony composed in 1892-93 had wide influence in the first decades of the 20th century, which can be heard in Jerome Kern’s score for Show Boat and the underscoring in Hollywood movies such as Gone with the Wind. Graf and the orchestra gave an excellent performance, bringing out all the contrasts and highlighting the drama. In what may be the most famous English horn solo ever written, Margaret Butler played with style and nuance, and was cheered at the end when acknowledged for a solo bow.

SHEPHERD EXPRESS

M AY 3 , 2 0 1 8 | 25

::PERFORMINGARTSWEEK For More to Do, visit shepherdexpress.com

THEATRE

Judy Moody & Stink Subtitled The Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Treasure Hunt, First Stage presents this world premiere by playwright Allison Gregory of an adventure play based on the very popular Judy Moody children’s book series. The plot finds the third-grader title character struggling with a class project; it doesn’t get any easier when her brother (Stink) interferes. Meanwhile, the Moody family sets off on a weekend getaway, and it is there, on Artichoke Island, where the real adventure begins. “Judy Moody is a compelling character and a great fit for the stage,” Gregory says. “She activates the world around her. From her dogged determination to her scrappy resourcefulness, she engages other characters, and us, to root for her.” Director Jeff Frank is happy to present the world premiere of Gregory’s play: “Millions of children around the world find Judy a funny, spunky girl they can easily relate to.” Meanwhile, Judy Moody author Megan McDonald is truly looking forward to seeing her creation in a theatrical venue: “Judy Moody has been to Antarctica, the Freedom Trail, college … she’s gone around the world in eight-and-a-half days; but never before has she been on stage!” Until now. (John Jahn) May 4-June 3 at the Todd Wehr Theater, 929 N. Water St. For tickets, call 414-273-7206 or visit firststage. org.

Celebration “At [Celebration’s] core is the struggle between youth and old age, innocence and corruption, love and ambition and poverty and wealth—as Angel tries to decide if she would be better served by her feelings for Orphan or Rich’s willingness to fulfill her every dream,” wrote Adam Hetrick in Playbill regarding composer Harvey Schmidt and lyricist-author Tom Jones’ Celebration, an avant-garde musical tale first presented on Broadway in 1969. At its core is an adult exploration of the often stark contrasts between age groups and motivations. It’s a fairly intimate show, employing a smallish instrumental ensemble instead of a full orchestra and fairly bare staging elements—with masks and costumes doing the visual heavy lifting in most productions. It wasn’t a huge hit for the Schmidt and Jones team, but Celebration has seen many revivals across the country in the decades since its release, and its subject matter is surely relevant. Windfall Theatre’s production includes several Milwaukee-area theater regulars, including David Flores, Josh Perkins and Shayne Steliga; Carol Zippel directs, and Paula Foley Tillen provides musical direction. The company’s Saturday, May 12, show is billed “A Happening,” with hours of additional entertainment, beverages, appetizers and an exhibit by Erick Ledesma prior to the show. (John Jahn) May 3-19 at Village Church Arts, 130 E. Juneau Ave. For tickets, call 414-332-3963 or visit windfalltheatre.com.

JUDY MOODY AND STINK: THE MAD, MAD, MAD, MAD TREASURE HUNT Adapted for the stage by Allison Gregory Based on the books: “Judy Moody” and “Judy Moody and Stink: The Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Treasure Hunt” written by Megan McDonald and illustrated by Peter H. Reynolds. Published by Candlewick Press, Inc.

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CLASSICALMUSIC

The Creation Austrian composer Joseph Haydn’s 1798 oratorio, Die Schöpfung (The Creation) is widely regarded as his masterpiece—which is saying a great deal for a composer who wrote dozens of operas, highly regarded piano sonatas and string quartets and 104 symphonies. With a libretto supplied by Gottfried van Swieten based heavily upon the creation story in the Bible’s Genesis chapter, Haydn’s three-part Creation evokes archangels, Adam and Eve via vocal soloists, full orchestra and chorus. Other sources Van Swieten used were Psalms and John Milton’s Paradise Lost. The Creation was, for Haydn, an enormous hit, reminding many listeners of his era of the earlier Baroque era master, George Frideric Handel, and the latter’s epic oratorio, The Messiah (though it was Handel’s Israel in Egypt that was Haydn’s immediate inspiration). The Kettle Moraine Symphony, Moraine Chorus, soprano Erica Breitbarth, tenor Cameron Smith and bass-baritone Aidan Smerud have chosen scenic and so very apropos Holy Hill for the concert venue. KMS Music Director Richard Hynson leads the collected musical forces. (John Jahn) Sunday, May 6, at the Holy Hill National Shrine of Mary, 1525 Carmel Road, Hubertus. For tickets, call 262-334-3469 or visit kmsymphony.org/concertstickets.htm.

The Fantasticks by Tom Jones and Harvey Schmidt

April 27 - May 20, 2018

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SHEPHERD EXPRESS

A&E::VISUALART

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re you an artist enamored with the expressive potential of clay and cast metal but without access to the expensive infrastructure necessary to realize your ambitious aspirations? If so, consider applying for a residency with the John Michael Kohler Arts Center’s Arts/Industry Program, which grants up to 12 artists three months of untrammeled access to the Pottery and Foundry areas of the Kohler Company factory. Applicants need not have previous experience with clay or cast metal, simply a vision for the work that they would like to do under the aegis of the Arts/Industry Program. The artists-in-residence will receive 24-hour access to studio space, materials, use of equipment, technical assistance, photographic services, housing, round-trip transportation and a modest weekly stipend. Applications are due by May 31 and must include 20 images of the artist’s work, a resumé/CV, a brief project proposal, images supporting the project proposal and four professional references. More information and the application itself can be found at jmkac.submittable.com/submit.

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Big Head Brewing Co. • 6204 W. State St. The third annual Tosa Pop-Up Shop sprouts briefly into existence on Saturday, May 5, from 1-5 p.m. at Big Head Brewing Co. A slew of 14+ local artists and makers will be on hand with their bespoke wares, running the gamut from upcycled art, matchbook art and organic soap to truffles, fused glass and vintage décor. The Pop-Up Shop is serendipitously scheduled for the week before Mother’s Day (Sunday, May 13), an ideal opportunity to select something special for Mumsy while sipping something special from Big Head Brewing.

“Art & Design BFA Exhibition and BA Project Session” and “Design and Visual Communication BFA Senior Design Capstone Showcase” Kenilworth Square East 1925 E. Kenilworth Place Let’s be honest: Objectively speaking, K-12 school plays are usually pretty bad, which is not to deny the charm of a spotlight on one’s own child. You don’t have to be related to graduates of UW-Milwaukee’s Peck School of the Arts, on the other hand, to appreciate their work, which is showcased in two end-of-the-semester exhibitions. Stop by the galleries of Kenilworth Square East, May 3-19 to greet graduating seniors at the beginning of great careers.

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Location, Location, Location 1, 2 & 3BR, many w/2BA Market & Affordable Rates Available Industrial Chic Design! 888-TEWELES (888-839-3537) Exceptional, Furnished Studios OPEN HOUSE- SUN 1-3pm. Five Stars. Located in trendy Walkers Point. Extra Clean. Shared bath and kitchen. Smoke Free. On Bus Line. Weekly rent starts at $99 plus sec. dep. Utilities incl. 703 S 5th St. 414-384-2428.

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PUBLIC SALE Notice of Public Sale South Milwaukee Storage 1005 Columbia Ave, South Milwaukee, WI 53172. May 11th at 3:30pm. Bidding is on complete contents of unit. Owner - Daniel Zweck Contents: Contractor Tools, Power Tools, Lawn Mower, Auto Items, 2 Ford Trucks, Trailer. Notice of Public Sale 5-Corners Storage - 7209 Sycamore Drive, Cedarburg, WI 53012. May 11th at 8:30am. Bidding is on complete contents of unit. Owner - Tim Goggins; Contents: Books, Suit Cases, Chair, Lamp, Dressers, Boxes, Fan, Grill, Bike, Other Outdoor Equipment. Owner - Heidi Reise; Contents: Headboard, Bed Frame, Dresser, Boxes, Other Furniture. Notice of Public Sale Pioneer Storage - 122 N Port Washington Rd, WI, 53024. May 11th at 9:00am. Bidding is on complete contents of unit. Owner - Nicolas Christiansen Contents: Baby Clothes/ Toys, Couch, Table, Chair, Lamp, Headboard/ Footboard, mattress, Other Furniture, Boxes, Bike, Kayak, Fishing Equipment. Notice of Public Sale Mequon Storage - 6911 West Donges Bay Road, Mequon, WI 53092. May 11th at 9:30am. Bidding is on complete contents of unit. Owner -Ray Ladd Contents: Auto Equipment, Stereo, Tools, Other Contractor Supplies, Chair, Bed Frame, Other furniture, Bike, Train Table, Lawn Mower. Notice of Public Sale Donges Bay Mini Storage 6809 W. Donges Bay Rd, Mequon, WI 53092. May 24th 2018 at 9am. Bidding is on complete contents of unit. Owner - Justin Stein Contents: Contractor Supplies, Tools, Building Materials, Other. M AY 3 , 2 0 1 8 | 27

A&E::FILM

[ FILM CLIPS ] Avengers: Infinity War PG-13 It’s been two years since the Avengers were torn apart by events in Captain America: Civil War. The out-sized villain, Thanos (Josh Brolin in motion capture), arrives on Earth for a smashand-grab to seize the Infinity Stones required to end half the universe. Determined to stop him, the fractured Avengers join forces with Guardians of the Galaxy. The spectacle of this film is beyond the beyond—a result of well-imagined special effects produced by 10 different effects studios, including ILM (Industrial Light & Magic). Directed by the Russo brothers, who also helmed the Captain America movies, Infinity War successfully juggles its dozen-plus characters over a two-and-a-half hour run-time. Filmed in IMAX and 3D, Infinity War: Part Two is scheduled for release in May 2019. You can almost hear the fans cheer as each part ushers in summer blockbuster season. (Lisa Miller)

Movie Collectable Show

‘Isle of Dogs’

Japan Goes to the ‘Dogs’ in Wes Anderson’s Latest

kindly Professor Watanabe, who is working on an antidote, and hangs a sign in his lab: Further Research Forbidden. The dots aren’t hard to connect. Kobayashi is a snarling bully who governs through the popular consent he receives at noisy campaignstyle rallies. Lots of places are named for him. Although natural and man-made disasters loom on all sides and toxicity threatens, Kobayashi and his followers seem willing to ignore all that. Yes, dog flu is a problem, but Kobayashi uses the situation to whip up fear, ignoring benign solutions in favor of draconian measures. The dogs are the creatures put-upon by Kobayashi’s policies and their memories, anxieties and dreams add a note of pathos as well as humor to the proceedings. They all have suffered loss from their banishment. One was the star of a dog chow commercial; another was a prize::BY DAVID LUHRSSEN winning show dog and another a baseball team irector Wes Anderson’s mascot. Like reasonable people, they discuss whimsy knows no bounds, things among themselves. They vote before actyet the whimsical Isle of Dogs ing and try to find consensus with the radical on has bite—and not just of the the island, Chief, who angrily declares that he canine kind. The stentorian nar- will have no master and mocks them for their ration, which persists throughout the film and lack of courage. All of this can easily be overlooked in favor sets a mock serious tone (concealing serious intentions), announces that Isle is set in “the of Anderson’s visual conglomeration melding Japanese archipelago 20 years in the future.” Japanese art forms from many centuries in imagery derived from woodblock The narrator also relays that prints and ’60s television anithe human characters will be mation in color and occasional heard in their native languagIsle of the Dogs black and white. The human es (whether subtitled or not) protagonist, Kobayashi’s reBryan Cranston while the barking of the dogs bellious space-suited nephew Scarlett Johansson will be heard in English. Atari, who defies his uncle by Perhaps this is because Directed by flying to the island to find his the dogs in this stop-motion, Wes Anderson dog Spot, is interchangeable multi-animated motion picRated PG-13 with Astro Boy and countless ture are the most developed other plucky animated action and human-like characters deheroes from the catalogue of spite their occasional proclivity to act like, well, dogs. Because of a canine Japanese cartoons. The canines are the standflu epidemic, which threatens to spread to hu- outs in Isle of the Dogs. Anderson had no problem recruiting famous mans, all dogs have been banished to a fetid, rat-infested garbage-strewn island resembling voices for his dogs, including Edward Nora Third World slum. The flu is real, but even ton, Bill Murray, Bob Balaban, Greta Gerwig, though the cure is at hand, the authoritarian Scarlett Johansson and—memorably—gravelMayor Kobayashi is anti-science. He arrests toned Bryan Cranston as Chief.

28 | M AY 3 , 2 0 1 8

Dale Kuntz has long been Milwaukee’ genial advocate of classic Hollywood. If Ted Turner had gotten wind of him, this charmingly garrulous gentleman might have been auditioned as a host on TCM, but instead, Kuntz has remained a local phenomenon seen in recent years running the classic film series at the Charles Allis Museum. Twice a year, Kuntz hosts a Movie Collectable Show featuring dealers from the Midwest peddling movie posters, press kits, stills, lobby cards, DVDs and assorted movie industry memorabilia. (David Luhrssen) 10 a.m.-4 p.m. on Sunday, May 6, at Burnham Bowl Hall, 6016 W. Burnham St. Admission is $3.

Tully R With the birth of her third child due any day, the emotionally unstable Marlo (Charlize Theron) decides that her fear of having a stranger in her home poses less risk than malfunctioning due to lack of sleep. Enter Tully (Mackenzie Davis), a bright 20-something, to assist Marlo. Reinvigorated by Tully’s helpfulness and understanding, Marlo shares her self-doubts and fears with the young woman, and they form a friendship that allows Marlo to appreciate her life. Finally, Marlo gains long-overdue perspective on the losses and rewards resulting from the demands of motherhood, reminding us that being a mom is one tough job. (L.M.)

[ HOME MOVIES / NOW STREAMING ] Rock & Roll Hall of Fame: In Concert

Metallica’s Lars Ulrich wore a purple jacket as he introduced one of 2016’s Rock & Roll Hall of Fame inductees, Deep Purple. He testified to the life-changing impact they had when he attended their 1973 Copenhagen concert at age 9. A plausible rendition of the band was on hand for endless thank yous and to perform “Highway Star.” The documentary covering the 2014-’17 inductions includes performances by Bruce Springsteen, Pearl Jam and many other stars.

Doctor Detroit

Let’s see: original theme song by Devo, a performance by James Brown, Rick James’“Super Freak” spinning at a dance club and an original score by Lalo Schifrin? If nothing else, Doctor Detroit is a good musical time capsule of 1983. The comedy stars Dan Akroyd as a dweeby professor pulled into the criminal underworld. Boasting a few funny lines and some dated ethnic humor, Doctor Detroit is a showcase for Akroyd at his goofiest.

Jasper Jones

Jasper Jones is an engaging coming-of-age story containing everything. Set in 1969 in narrow-minded small-town Australia, the protagonist, Charlie, experiences the usual tremors of first love. But the nerdy 14 year old also witnesses his parents’ marriage dissolve and racism against the family of his Chinese best friend and is drawn into a murder investigation involving a mixed-race teenager, the titular Jasper Jones, whom the police have pegged as the killer.

Basmati Blues

Scientific researcher Linda (Brie Larson) is such a peppy person that one imagines birds starting to sing as they fly past the window of her lab. Linda’s scheming boss (Donald Sutherland) dispatches her to India as the bright face of Rice 9, the handy new Frankenfood his transnational conglomerate is introducing to the subcontinent. The musical comedy Basmati Blues is more “Glee” than Bollywood despite the colorful setting. There is cultural misunderstanding and—naturally—romance. —David Luhrssen SHEPHERD EXPRESS

A&E::BOOKS

BOOK|REVIEW

Eyewitness Account of Libya’s ‘Burning Shores’ ::BY DAVID LUHRSSEN

enghazi is the first thing most readers will turn to in a book on contemporary Libya. If Fox News is your source for disinformation, you will leave disappointed from The Burning Shores: Inside the Battle for the New Libya (Farrar, Straus and Giroux). Author Frederic Wehrey was called to testify before Congress and declared the GOP investigation a fishing expedition with neither a worm nor a catch. Proponents of Barack Obama’s foreign policy will already be disappointed. As Wehrey makes clear, American strategy in Libya was based on little understanding and less information. It became a country that exceeded every worst-case scenario. A military officer attached for several years to the U.S. embassy in Libya’s capital, Tripoli, Wehrey admires the ambassador who died during the storming of the American consulate in Benghazi, J. Christopher Stevens. In Wehrey’s estimation Stevens was an asset to the Foreign Service, intellectually curious and lacking the chauvinism that has often characterized his profession. His previous experience in the Middle East taught him that understanding could be reached and bridges could be built. The intense and berserker hatred of Libyan extremists and the factions that divided the militants against each other must have been as incomprehensible to him as it was in Washington. The Burning Shores condenses Libyan history neatly enough in a few pages. Col. Muammar alQaddafi, once “the mad dog of the Middle East,” had reinvented himself, with the help of American PR and gullible Western intellectuals, as a philosopher king and ally of the West. He was always a brutal and erratic dictator, yet the turmoil that ensued as his regime was swept aside in the Arab Spring tempts nostalgia for his reign. The factions that emerged in Qaddafi’s wake were numerous but can roughly be divided along regional lines, tribal boundaries and more-or-less secularists versus Islamists of varying loyalties. Foreign powers from Qatar and the Saudis to Britain and the Russians intervened and played favorites. Libya unraveled into bloody civil war and the death of the U.S. ambassador was the least of its citizens’ problems. In addition to internal carnage, and the threat of becoming a base for Al Qaeda and ISIS, Libya became the conduit for a torrent of refugees fleeing violence and poverty in sub-Saharan Africa. Conditions were so bad in their home countries that, according to Wehrey, 50% were content to stay in Libya rather than run the risk of pushing on to Europe. Wehrey doesn’t spell it out but the implication can be drawn: Once again, U.S. and European governments erred through their encounters with people who spoke the right catch phrases—a Western educated elite, often exiles with tenuous roots in their homeland, who, intentionally or not, painted an unrealistic picture. The euphoria over toppling Qaddafi was short lived. As a Libyan friend told Wehrey, “Now we’ve got thousands of Qaddafis rather than only one.”

BOOK|PREVIEW

Inside the Historic Pﬁster Hotel ::BY JENNI HERRICK

his year, Milwaukee’s Pfister Hotel will celebrate its 125th anniversary. When this historic hotel first opened in 1893, The Pfister was billed as the “Grand Hotel of the West.” It also came with a steep bill of its own, costing more than $1 million at the time, but featuring innovative “modern” conveniences such as fireproofing, electricity throughout and individual thermostat controls in every room (the first to do so!). Designed in a Romanesque revival style, the prestigious hotel has served as a proud symbol of history and excellence in Downtown Milwaukee and is listed on Historic Hotels of America (HHA), a program of the National Trust for Historic Preservation. The History, Art & Imagery of the Pfister Hotel written by Thomas J. Jordan, which won the International Book Awards Competition for Best Photography, features more than 200 praiseworthy images of the hotel’s lavish, ornate interiors as well as beautifully told stories of the hotel’s history, staff members and some of its most famous visitors. Award-winning photographer Jay W. Filter will share reflections on his pictorial insights in an event hosted by Historic Milwaukee, Inc. at 6 p.m. on Monday, May 7. This ticketed book talk will take place at Historic Milwaukee’s office at 235 E. Michigan St.

BOOK|HAPPENING The Milwaukee Spring Children’s Book Fair, to be held at the Urban Ecology Center-Riverside Park on Saturday, May 5, has been cancelled. It will be rescheduled at a later date.

May y the Forewords Be with You Arundhati Roy, author of The God of Small Things and The

Ministry of Utmost Happiness, with

Parneshia Jones. Tue May 8, 7 pm at UWM Union. $19 tickets at roymke.bpt.me You can’t miss the hilarious and often outrageous Samantha Irby, whose blog is being developed into an FX series by Abbi Jacobson and Jessi Klein. She’s at Boswell for the now-reissued Meaty, Thu May 10, 7 pm. Amy & Dave Freeman visit Riverside Park UEC for A Year in The Wilderness on Mon May 14, 7 pm, as part of their awareness-raising bicycle trek from Minnesota to DC. Two Door County escapes this May! First is Patricia Skalka’s Dave Cubiak mystery, Death Rides the Ferry, on Thu May 17. On Thu May 24, J.F. Riordan appears for Robert’s Rules, her latest Washington Island-set novel. Both start at 7 pm.

Sex in the City-themed Downer Open House is Fri Jun 8, 5-8 pm, with specials from our neighbor merchants. At 7 pm, Jennifer Keishin Armstrong will discuss Sex and the City and Us at Boswell. Visit boswellbooks.com/ upcoming-events for more info including not one, but two visits from Pulitzer Prize winners. Boswell Books 2559 N Downer Ave (414) 332-1181 info@boswellbooks.com

SHEPHERD EXPRESS

M AY 3 , 2 0 1 8 | 29

::HEARMEOUT ASK RUTHIE | UPCOMING EVENTS | PAUL MASTERSON

Stars, Strippers and Cinco

t’s spring in Milwaukee. Sort of. I think. The calendar tells me it is, but I can’t shake the feeling that Jack Frost is stalking me, waiting to stomp on my flip-flopwearing feet and bring blustery winds back to Cream City. Dare I get out my tube top and short shorts? Dare I ready my diaphragm for horny guys fresh outta college graduation? I’m not sure, but if anything is going to get me into the spring groove, it’s Cinco de Mayo. I mean really, folks. A day to relish margaritas, tacos and Hispanic men? Sign me the hell up! From daylong events for the family to spicy happy hours for adults, there are plenty of ways to celebrate Cinco de Mayo in Milwaukee. (And May 5 lands on a Saturday this year...like you need an excuse for a tequila.) You’ll also find special stars coming to the Milwaukee stage, bawdy bingo games, concerts and chances to meet new people. Check out my social calendar this week, and you’ll be amazed at the fun in store. I’ll be back next week with some advice for the lovelorn (email me at DearRuthie@ ShepEx.com), but until then, it’s fiesta time in Milwaukee!

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AND FOR EVEN MORE FUN VISIT RUTHIE AND CYNTHIA AT RUTHIE’S BITCHIN KITCHEN.COM

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May 5: Safe Zone Workshop at Milwaukee LGBT Community Center (1110 N. Market St.): Looking to learn more about the LGBTQ+ community? Want to turn your business or organization into a safe zone for others? Maybe you’re looking to learn more about a loved one or better understand yourself. Don’t miss this 11 a.m. to 1:30 p.m. workshop that explores gender and sexual identity, vocabulary and how to become a better ally to this community. Contact ccole@mkelgbt.org to learn more and to register.

concert, offer up beverages and more during this open-to-thepublic fundraiser.

May 5: Milwaukee Veg Expo at Hart Park (7300 W. Chestnut St., Muellner Building): Whether you live a vegan lifestyle, want to learn more about a plant-powered lifestyle or simply enjoy eating healthy, don’t miss this third annual nod to thinking and eating green. Featuring vendors, speakers, food samples and more, the expo is open 11:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m.

May 8: Dita Von Teese at the Pabst Theater (144 E. Wells St.): The modern goddess of burlesque struts into Milwaukee with a lavish salute to the bump and grind. Accompanied by a talented cast, over-the-top sets and jaw-dropping (and pant-tenting) costumes, Dita’s show is not to missed. Open to those over 18 only, the curtain rises (and the clothing drops) at 8 p.m. Swing by pabsttheater.org for tickets, which start at $25.

May 5: Cinco de Mayo Family Festival at UMOS (2701 S. Chase Ave.): Grab the kids and celebrate the fifth of May with this 11 a.m. to 7 p.m. party. Ethnic food, hand-clapping music, silly contests and a car show round out the family friendly fun day that’s free and open to the public. May 5: Kentucky Derby Happy Hour Party at Art*Bar (722 E. Burleigh St.): Put on your Sunday hat (well, you know what I mean), and hit this hip hot spot for a special 3-7 p.m. Saturday happy hour. Enjoy The Kentucky Derby on the big screens with two-for-one mint juleps, derby-attire contests and more fun. May 5: Cinco de Mayo Party at This Is It (418 E. Wells St.): The boys at this Cathedral Square bar sure know how to host a good time, and Cinco de Mayo is no exception. Stop by any time after 3 p.m. for drink specials, tequila shots, music, salsa dancing and a few other surprises. Ole, amigos! May 5: Circle of Friends Kickoff at Anew Healthcare (7405 Harwood Place): Relish this 7 p.m. night of music, food and friendship as you help the City of Festivals Men’s Chorus kick off their year. The chorus will offer a sneak preview of their spring

May 8: Coffee Connection at Next Act Theatre (255 S. Water St.): The team at the Wisconsin LGBT Chamber of Commerce is at it again with this 8-9 a.m. coffee clutch offering networking opportunities to like-minded businesses. Rub elbows, make connections and meet a few new friends during the free meet and greet.

May 9: HamBingo with The Brew City Sisters at Hamburger Mary’s (730 S. Fifth St.): The sassiest sisters in town blow into the pink-and-purple burger palace to host a night of R-rated bingo. Support this group that gives so much to the city with a donation. (The 10 bingo games are free.) Great prizes, juicy burgers and frosty beverages...sounds like it’s time to eat, drink and be “Mary” during the 8 p.m. event. Call 414-488-2555 for reservations. May 9: Trixie Mattel’s ‘Now with Moving Parts’ Tour at Turner Hall Ballroom (1040 N. Fourth St.): Milwaukee’s very own breakout honey sashays her skinny keester back home with her one-woman show. Winner of “RuPaul’s Drag Race: All Stars” season three and star of “The Trixie and Katya Show,” Trixie promises songs from her new album, comedy and lots of memories you’ll cherish of this drag superstar. The concert starts at 8 p.m. with tickets available at pabsttheater.org. Tickets range in price from $25 to $99. See you there! Want to share an event with Ruthie? Need her advice? Email DearRuthie@Shepex.com and follow her on Instagram @ruthiekeester and Facebook at Dear Ruthie.

SHEPHERD EXPRESS

::MYLGBTQPoint of View

::ONTHECOUCH

Something bugging you? Find out what the Shrink thinks

How to Manage Being Out of Work On Dorothy and the NFL Draft ::BY PAUL MASTERSON

or all the political mayhem going on these days, it’s always nice to take a half-time break to stop the world and get off. Last week, the NFL draft provided that respite for fans of Wisconsin’s national pastime, LGBTQ or otherwise. In Oscar night manner, the televised draft extravaganza featured a nattily dressed presenter for each player pick. I’m not a major NFL fan so I don’t know if the anticipation was as great as at the Oscars but sufﬁce it to say, the attendees’ raucous responses to each draft selection (or more so to the selecting team) were palpable with enthusiastic cheers and, at times, even more enthusiastic and brutal boos. There was lots of chatter from gay Green Bay Packer fans on social media, too. There’s no surprise there. Green and gold gays have always wanted their gridiron hero. Aaron Rodgers seemed to be the great gay hope for a while. According to a Brett Favre biography, as a rookie, Rodgers was the “butt of jokes” and it was rumored he might be gay. Of course, the strange (and bitter) bromance break-up of Rodgers and his “personal assistant” in 2013 further fueled expectations of an imminent coming-out. But they were crushed as the boyish bachelor began dating model what’s-her-name who even bragged about their pre-game sexploits (talk about twisting the knife!). But, buoyed by their split a year ago, there was a momentary “told you so” sigh of satisfaction when the dashing quarterback took up with NASCAR driver Dan Patrick. Ah, there’s nothing like a lover’s hint of gas fumes and greasy knuckles…one could easily imagine our popular Packer talking horse power, gear shifts and the tiresome trials of sponsor logo placement in the afterglow (or before, for that matter) rather than glazing over while the ex went on about the pros and cons of Versace. However titillating the visual might have been, in a blocked-again moment, it turned out Dan is Danica. Oh well, there was always the second string hopeful (and my personal fave) Jordy Nelson (not to be confused with Jordi Savall, the famous gambist). After all, he appeared as a friend of Dorothy (or, at least her reincarnation) in a Wisconsin tourism spot in which the affable “87” knocks himself out by running into a tree while turning to catch a pass (no doubt based on an actual event), then awakens in a Technicolor world of cheesehead Munchkins. The Oz fantasy ends in a Dorothean return to reality but with Jordy endearingly grinning as the camera follows his gaze to his sparkling ruby spikes. Then there was the launch of Jordy’s Farm Fresh Flakes cereal. The box front featured an especially “ﬂattering” full length Nelson caricature and on the backside, a maze where you’re supposed to “help Jordy get his cow back in the barn.” Speaking of sugar and Jordy caricatures, if you’re disposed to doodling reveries, there’s a how-to video on YouTube. The squinty-eyed likeness is spot on, save for the neck…it should be much thicker. But then they traded Jordy away. Life can be so cruel. Anyway, never fear, the draft provided a slew of potential new GB heartthrobs, like the versatile cornerback Jaire Alexander. SHEPHERD EXPRESS

“I’m 59 and was recently downsized from my job. My work was mind-numbing and stressful, but the money and a great group of colleagues kept me there for more than 30 years. Thankfully, my retirement benefits are decent, so I won’t have to find another job. I felt like a kid with a stash of snow days at first, but now I’m starting to feel anxious and a bit lost. I don’t feel like I’m ‘done’ yet. How do I manage my new life?”

The Shrink Replies

A premature early retirement can be a welcome blessing or an anxiety-ridden curse. You probably figured you’d be working several more years before you had to face these retirement quandaries. You’re really fortunate to have financial security. Many people who get unexpectedly “called to the conference room” are panicked at the thought of looking for work in a job market they feel aged out of. So, not to minimize your current predicament, but count your blessings! Spending the bulk of your adult working life in the same company is like growing up in a big family but never leaving home. As in all families, there are people you genuinely enjoy being around, ones you merely tolerate, and others you could completely do without. Your work family provided a sense of security, predictability and structure. Now that you’re no longer connected to this group on a daily basis, of course you feel lost. It’s always interesting to see which workbased friendships survive the transition from mandatory contact to having to make a concerted effort to spend time together. For years, you had shared interests: work tasks, company gossip, newsy stories about your colleagues, etc. Now, much of what you had in common is gone. Your work friends are busy adjusting to life without you in their loop. Being suddenly downsized can lead to a range of emotions: happy, sad, angry, scared, anxious, excited, betrayed, shocked and more. But, to your question, “How do I manage my new life?” Working gives us a sense of purpose—a reason to get out of bed in the morning. While the first few weeks of not having to set an alarm may have felt pretty indulgent, it sounds like the thrill of that has fizzled. The good news, though, is that you feel you’re not done yet, even though your former employer was done with you.

Create a structure for yourself The best thing about this challenge is that you get to decide what you want to do vs. what you have to do. Sounds dreamy, right? Many people find this extremely difficult. It’s like you’re an artist faced with a blank canvas: There are no rules about how to paint or what colors to use. You have to flex your creativity muscles—ones that have been long-neglected while you were coloring inside someone else’s lines. Start with brainstorming a long list of things you want to do (i.e. taking a cooking class), things you have to do (cleaning the basement) and things you have only ever dreamed of doing (taking a road trip to all of the national parks). Make a bucket list that incorporates everyday-grind things, your do-able wish list and a few ambitious things to shoot for. Put some loose timeframes around these things (e.g. clean out the basement by the end of next month; take that road trip next summer). Now you have a structure and some reasons to get out of bed in the morning! You’ll feel better if you accomplish a task or two every day, but, hey, you’ve worked hard for a long time, so make sure you have some fun, too! Don’t worry about feeling “lost;” feeling that way can lead to wandering, and wandering can accidentally take you to places you never thought you’d go. Think of your new life as an adventure—adventures are both exciting and scary, but you get to decide which interpretation you choose. Add human contact You were around a lot of people, every day, for years. Now when you wake up it’s just you—and maybe a partner or a pet—but the rest of your human contact will come from people you have to actually leave the house to interact with. Some of these people are already in place (your family and friends), but you might want to add some new people to the mix. Some people feel lonely when they spend too much time alone, while others are perfectly happy to enjoy their own company. Find a purpose Many people believe that they are what they do, so when the job goes away, so does their sense of self. Find ways to give to others: volunteer at a food pantry, take your elderly neighbor grocery shopping and so forth. And give to yourself, too—take the time to eat healthier, get more exercise, read things that make your brain work, etc. Do things that help you feel good about yourself. Some days will be easier than others as you adjust to this new normal, but you still have lots of life ahead of you. Enjoy the ride. On the Couch is written by a licensed mental health professional. Her advice is not meant as a substitute for mental health care. Send your questions to onthecouch@shepex.com. Comment at shepherdexpress.com.

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::MUSIC

For more MUSIC, log onto shepherdexpress.com

RICK EBBERS

FEATURE | ALBUM REVIEWS | CONCERT REVIEWS | LOCAL MUSIC

Buffalo Gospel Find Resolve on Their Grief-Stricken Sophomore Album ::BY EVAN RYTLEWSKI

yan Necci and his friend Josh Tovar both grew up fans of country music, but they had different ways of expressing their fandom. “Ever since elementary school, I’ve been a fan of country music,” Necci says, “but it was always like, ‘ssshhhhh, don’t say that out loud.’” Tovar, on the other hand, was never shy about his love of country. “He was so confident in it,” Necci recalls. “He’d walk around like, ‘Fuck it, this is exactly what I love, and this is the most badass music in the world when it’s done right.’” It was Tovar’s enthusiasm that helped give Necci the confidence he needed to start his own band, Buffalo Gospel, a bluegrass-leaning group with a decidedly more country-western edge than most of Milwaukee’s alt-country bands. And so when Tovar died in 2014 from brain cancer, Necci was gutted, both emotionally and creatively. “He was kind of the guy who really helped me get this project going and the first guy to get me excited about my writing,” Necci says. “When he passed away, that really took a lot of the wind out of my sails.” Necci’s plans to write and record a second Buffalo Gospel album were put on hold, he says, “because I was in no condition to be writing.”

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Necci says he only regained some momentum when he met the man he now cites as his other great muse, Chris Porterfield of perhaps Milwaukee’s most prominent folk-rock band, Field Report. The two struck up a fast friendship. “He sort of came about at the right time to ignite that fire again of wanting to write and wanting to create, whether he knew he was doing it or not,” Necci says. “He was a big supporter, like Josh was. It was right when I needed someone to sort of swoop in and champion what I was doing.” Necci and Porterfield had led parallel lives in some respects. Both lived in Eau Claire, Wis., at the same time, though they ran in different circles (Necci had been ingrained in the jam scene up there). Necci had been a fan of Field Report since their first album, and Porterfield says when he first saw Necci perform he was blown away by his talent. “He’s a star,” Porterfield says of Necci. “Something happens when he’s on stage. He becomes a different person. It’s very much like an Incredible Hulk kind of transformation; it’s incredible. All it’s going to take is one person in Nashville to see Buffalo Gospel and realize this band is incredibly legit and incredibly marketable, and they’re going to be on the Chris Stapleton path.” Since he was between Field Report albums at the time, Porterfield came to moonlight as a kind of unofficial member of Buffalo Gospel, sitting in on their shows and helping Necci workshop the songs that would become the group’s new album, On the First Bell. “I remember sitting in Chris’ basement, and we were listening to some demos that didn’t make the record, and he asked me pretty plainly, ‘Have you ever written about Josh? Have you ever processed that?’” Necci recalls. “We ended by agreeing that it’ll happen when it happens, and that I shouldn’t be afraid to let that into my songwriting, and within a couple months the floodgates just kind of opened. Music has always been kind of a therapy for me, and this album became my way of processing losing Josh. I had never lost a friend close to my age before—I’d never really lost a close friend before— and I was just dealing with a mountain of things that I didn’t know how to process. This record is very much me trying to work my way through all of it.” Despite its foundation in tragedy, On the First Bell is rarely outright sorrowful. The songs are Buffalo pained and passionate but less focused on grief Gospel than resilience. They’re also a good deal leaner Anodyne and more direct than those on Buffalo Gospel’s Coffee debut, something Necci credits Porterfield for. Saturday, “The biggest thing he taught me to do is not May 5, have to say everything in a song,” Necci says. “I learned you can cut out a few verses and leave 7:30 p.m. everything to the imagination and still have a great song. That’s the big difference between the albums. The first album had more of a folk feel where if I wrote seven verses, the song had seven verses. For this one it was like, ‘If the songs are running over four minutes, is this essential?’” Porterfield says for his part, he mostly tried to stay out of Necci’s way. “I think sometimes talented people just need to be reminded that they’re talented,” Porterfield says. “I think that, spending time together, I’ve maybe helped him to be a better band leader and to be what the other musicians need or want. I think he maybe learned how to sort of head up an operation in addition to tightening his songwriting, but honestly, his instincts are killer. He’s got killer instincts. His talent is honestly blinding and pretty near limitless. Every now and then you need somebody from the outside who can show you that.” Buffalo Gospel play an album release show at Anodyne Coffee Saturday, May 5 at 7:30 p.m. with Joseph Huber.

SHEPHERD EXPRESS

MUSIC::CONCERTREVIEW

::BY THOMAS MICHALSKI

espite self-proclaimed turntablists making great strides for their esoteric profession, the big DJ boom of the ’90s was destined to be sort of short-lived. Sure, previously marginalized creators finally stepped into the spotlight and established their own identity and musical vocabulary—one completely distinct from MCs and other musicians— but technology eventually made manipulating vinyl just another (albeit powerful) weapon in any sample-based artist’s arsenal. Modern producers can re-appropriate sound in ways their predecessors could never have imagined, but that doesn’t mean that classic DJ skills can’t still pay the bills. They mostly just need better presentation, crab scratches and behind-the-back beat juggling not being as visually stunning as they once were, and Sunday night’s Turner Hall Ballroom show proved Kid Koala has no shortage of ideas in that department. A modern update of old-timey traveling revues, “Kid Koala’s Vinyl Vaudeville” has existed in some form or another for four years now, but this particular tour coincides with the release of Floor Kids, a breakdancing game scored by the Canadian turntablist for the Nintendo Switch, which attendees could try out on a few arcade-style cabinets (it’s basically a rhythmic button-masher that is incredibly easy to play and probably equally hard to really master). The live proceedings were kicked off by an hour-long set from DJ Jester, “The Pilipino Fist,” which was enjoyable despite a few clumsy, smash-cut mixes. More awkward were the repeated shout-outs to Summerfest, as if it was the only thing he knew about Milwaukee and was committed to working it hard. Next came a short set from Adira Amram and the Experience, the brevity of which definitely did it a favor, since their corny, only occasionally clever brand of ironic electro would have worn out its welcome after much longer. That’s not to say their set didn’t fit the anything-goes feel of the whole thing, which only got ratcheted up once the headliner took the stage. As soon as he did, the circular screens on either side of the stage, which had heretofore just held still images of the openers, turned into giant, blinking googly eyes, and it only got more cartoonish and surreal from there, employing enormous puppets, scantily-clad showgirls, audience participation and, perhaps most charmingly, plenty of funny personal asides from the Kid himself. As he ran through a discography-spanning set, dutifully touching on nearly every release—from his debut record. Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, to a medley of standout cuts from the Floor Kids soundtrack—the theatrics only increased. (During “Drunk Trumpet,” a giant anthropomorphic instrument roamed the room, causing trouble). Just as fun were the between-song segments, like when he enlisted the crowd’s help—not in a making-a-tour documentary but a tour mockumentary—apparently chronicling the tale of a pair of octopus DJs who happen to be conjoined twins. On paper, it may sound like a lot of flash, designed to distract from some shortcoming in the music, but none of the hoopla would’ve worked without Kid Koala’s impeccable skills behind the decks.

SHEPHERD EXPRESS

Milwaukee’s Straightedge Devotees Forced Impact Preach Independence

::BY EVAN CASEY

rew Czarnik, vocalist for Milwaukee straightedge band Forced Impact, was only 10 years old when he first learned about hardcore and punk. It all started when he watched a documentary about Minor Threat. There was no turning back. It wasn’t until Czarnik was a freshman in high school, however, that he discovered that he could see a hardcore show just minutes from his house. “I found a vegan straightedge band from Milwaukee right after I first learned about Minor Threat,” said Czarnik. “That blew my mind.” Now Czarnik is 18, and he has just returned from his band’s longest tour: an 11-day journey down South that took the band from Atlanta to Houston and to Miami. But when Czarnik got back home from tour, he didn’t go back to work or back into the studio; he went back to high school, as he still has a month left of classes until he graduates. “Being in high school and having the opportunity to tour and play all these insane shows is seriously one of the coolest things ever,” said Czarnik. “I’m super lucky that I’ve been given all these opportunities to play music in other places besides Milwaukee.” Forced Impact started playing shows in the fall of 2016. Although the band members have changed over the years, they have remained a straightedge band, spreading their message of freedom from drugs and alcohol everywhere they go. The straightedge movement began in the 1980s and has spread across the nation, resulting in a fast-paced style of music called “Youth-Crew.” Many straightedge bands write songs about the benefits of not drinking or doing drugs. Forced Impact’s music is also fast and aggressive, most songs coming in at less than two minutes, mixing loud yells with fast guitars and drums. Czarnik’s lyrics revolve around independence and freedom from society’s standards as he yells in a song off of the band’s latest release, Conflict Theory, “You’re not going to scar my mind with all your traditions / They’ll never be accepting of this extra addition.” All four of the members of Forced Impact are under the age of 24. “We wanted to start this band to share things we felt passionate about,” said Czarnik. “We also wanted to start a band that sounded like a lot of the bands we were listening to, mainly fast-paced ’80s and ’90s punk rock.” Straightedge bands in Milwaukee have always stood out, given how the city prides itself on its history of beer making and breweries. “If I’m trying to describe my band to anyone else, it’s very confusing, and people don’t really get it,” says Czarnik. However, guitarist Brandon Santos says younger bands that were influenced by straightedge are starting to take over the hardcore scene in Milwaukee and the Midwest. “Many younger kids are being introduced to the scene,” says Santos. “When I began going to shows in high school, it was definitely an older crowd, but now I see younger kids starting bands and going to shows. I see this in other scenes across the country as well.” Being part of the hardcore scene in Milwaukee has always been very important to Forced Impact. “It’s about the people and friendships,” says bassist Daniel Redmond. “It’s also about being able to express yourself in a positive outlet.” Czarnik said the shows on the tour were exciting and invigorating. The band was able to visit multiple sites, like Clearwater Beach, Fla., and at The Alamo in San Antonio, Texas. They were also able to eat at some of their favorite vegan restaurants, including Earth Burger in Texas. Czarnik is used to mixing school with his band. “It’s definitely unfortunate that I can only tour when I have breaks or off days… It feels like I have to wait forever until I can actually just tour whenever we feel like it.” But that moment is approaching soon, as Czarnik graduates from high school this June. Forced Impact is planning a summer tour. You can stream their music at forcedimpactxxx.bandcamp.com. AMANDA FROST

Kid Koala Played Up the Absurdity at his ‘Vinyl Vaudeville’ Show

::LOCALMUSIC

Forced Impact

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MUSIC::LISTINGS THURSDAY, MAY 3

Amelia’s, Jackson Dordel Jazz Quintet (4pm) Cactus Club, Rosedale w/Neocaveman, Clem & American Spirits Cafe Carpe (Fort Atkinson), Humbird w/Satchel Paige & Eric Miller County Clare Irish Inn & Pub, Acoustic Irish Folk w/Barry Dodd Estabrook Biergarten (Estabrook Park), Maifest 2018 (12pm) Frank’s Power Plant, Saint Christopher w/Jayke Orvis, Th’ Piss Poor Players, Beaumont James & The Wild Claims Jazz Estate, Cigarette Break Kochanski’s Concertina Beer Hall, Kurt Allen and Titanium Blue Mason Street Grill, Mark Thierfelder Jazz Trio (5:30pm) Miramar Theatre, MitiS w/PRXZM & Party Nails (all-ages, 9pm) O’Donoghues Irish Pub (Elm Grove), The All-Star SUPERband (6pm) On the Bayou, Open Mic Comedy w/host The Original Darryl Hill Pabst Theater, Steven Wilson w/Paul Draper Potawatomi Hotel & Casino, In Bar 360: Robbie Gold (8pm), In the Fire Pit: Dale Watson & His Lone Stars (8:30pm) Potbelly Sandwich Shop (East Side), Texas Dave (12pm) Rounding Third Bar and Grill, World’s Funniest Free Comedy Show Route 20 Outhouse (Sturtevant), Born Of Osiris w/Fit For A King, Currents & H1Z1 Shaker’s Cigar Bar, Prof. Pinkerton & the Magnificents Shank Hall, Y La Bamba The Bay Restaurant, Johnny Padilla Group Transfer Pizzeria Cafe, Martini Jazz Lounge: Juli Wood Trio Uncorkt Wine All You Want!, Mike DeRose Smooth Jazz Guitar Up & Under Pub, A No Vacancy Comedy Open Mic

FRIDAY, MAY 4

Alley Cat Lounge (Five O’Clock Steakhouse), Christopher’s Project Ally’s Bistro (Menomonee Falls), The Kaye Berigan 4Tet American Legion Post #449 (Brookfield), Frankie Donn American Legion of Okauchee #399, Sawyer Road Band Angelo’s Piano Lounge, Julie’s Piano Karaoke Anodyne Coffee (Walker’s Point), Pat Ferguson & The Sundown Sound w/Adam Gruel & Russell Pederson of Horseshoes & Hand Grenades Arriba Mexican Restaurant (Butler), The Incorruptibles Art*Bar, Paul Creswell Boone & Crockett, Milwaukee Psych Fest Cafe Carpe (Fort Atkinson), Mark Erelli Circle-A Cafe, Alive at Eight: The Unheard Of (8pm); DJ: Seedy (10pm) Clarke Hotel (Waukesha), Dick Eliot Jazz Guitar (6pm) Club Garibaldi, Beatallica w/Conniption & Imperial Fall ComedySportz Milwaukee, ComedySportz Milwaukee! Company Brewing, Star Wars Tribute Night w/host Paper Holland, Moth Light & Clear Pioneer County Clare Irish Inn & Pub, Traditional Irish Ceilidh Session Crawdaddy’s, Robert Allen Jr. Band (6pm) Estabrook Biergarten (Estabrook Park), Maifest 2018 (12pm)

Hops & Leisure (Oconomowoc), Romeo’s Charm Iron Mike’s (Franklin), Jam Session w/Steve Nitros & Friends Jazz Estate, Beta-Fusion (8pm), Late Night Session: Tommy Antonic Trio (11:30pm) Kim’s Lakeside (Pewaukee), The 45’s Lakefront Brewery, Brewhaus Polka Kings (5:30pm) Linneman’s Riverwest Inn, Armchair Boogie w/Barbaro Mamie’s, Stokes & the Old Blues Boys Mason Street Grill, Phil Seed Trio (6pm) Miramar Theatre, Dead Man’s Carnival w/Prof. Pinkerton & The Magnificents Moose Lodge 49, Tomm Lehnigk Pabst Theater, Dweezil Zappa: Choice Cuts! World Tour 2018 Potawatomi Hotel & Casino, In Bar 360: Michael Sean of Bellevue Suite (9pm), In the Fire Pit: Boxkar (9pm) Rave / Eagles Club, Jonathan Davis (of Korn) w/Dead Original & Paul Wandtke; ex-Trivium (all-ages, 7:30pm), Brytiago & Jon Z w/DJ Chava, DJ Edel & DJ Ecko (all-ages, 9pm) Shank Hall, Well-Known Strangers EP release party w/Sunspot & Shadowfields The Bay Restaurant, Harold Stewart & Friends The Brass Tap, Joe Kadlec The Cheel (Thiensville), Trapper Schoepp Uncorkt Wine All You Want!, Duosonic Live! Unitarian Church North, Wisconsin Singer/Songwriter Series presents: John Gorka Up & Under Pub, Audio is Rehab

SATURDAY, MAY 5

7 Mile Fair (Caledonia), The Blues Disciples (12pm) American Legion Post #449 (Brookfield), The Falcons Anodyne Coffee (Walker’s Point), Buffalo Gospel w/Joseph Huber Arriba Mexican Restaurant (Butler), Maple Road Blues Band Art*Bar, Cosmic Strings Cactus Club, Spring Jam w/Hot By Ziggy, Something to Do, The Young Revelators & The Racing Pulses Cafe Carpe (Fort Atkinson), Zander Schloss Cedarburg Cultural Center, Rebels & Renegades: Aaron Williams And The Hoodoo Circle-A Cafe, Alive at Eight: Desmond Bone’s “When I’m 64” B-Day w/Edgar Allan Cash (8pm); DJ: Theresa Who (10pm) City Lights Brewing Company, Andrew Gelles Band Club Garibaldi, Alex Ballard & Sugarfoot w/Liv Mueller & The Carolinas ComedySportz Milwaukee, ComedySportz Milwaukee! Company Brewing, Milwaukee Psych Fest Cue Club of Wisconsin (Waukesha), Cinco de Mayo: Brew City Rockers Dugout 54, Our House Estabrook Biergarten (Estabrook Park), Maifest 2018 (12pm) Fire On Water, Cactii Five O’Clock Steakhouse, Charles Barber Frank’s Power Plant, Cinco de Mayo: CW Ayon, Midnight Liedtke & Juneautown Havana Lounge & Cigar, Robert Allen Jr. Band Hilton Milwaukee City Center, Vocals & Keys Hops & Leisure (Oconomowoc), Crank the Radio

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House of Guinness (Waukesha), Derek Byrne & Paddygrass w/Tanya Tachon Jazz Estate, Sam Belton Group (8pm), Late Night Session: Mitch Shiner Trio (11:30pm) Kam’s Corner Tap, Scott E. Berendt Kochanski’s Concertina Beer Hall, Bootleg Bessie Landmark Lanes, Blame it on Cain w/Dr. Chang Linneman’s Riverwest Inn, Silverfoxxx w/The Hawkeyes & Camp Sugar Mario’s Italian Sports Bar (Racine), Duosonic Live! Mason Street Grill, Jonathan Wade Trio (6pm) Mineshaft, Vinyl Road Miramar Theatre, Melvv (all-ages, 9pm) Monarch Lounge - Hilton Milwaukee, Kentucky Derby Party w/The Olivia Gonzales Quartet Ensemble (2pm) MugZ’s Pub and Grill (Muskego), Alex Wilson Band Old Town Beer Hall (Germantown), Acoustic Blu Duo (6pm) Pabst Theater, Home Free Potawatomi Hotel & Casino, In the Buffet: Voces De America (4pm), In Bar 360: Andrea & The Mods (9pm), In the Fire Pit: Station (9pm) Rave / Eagles Club, Modest Mouse w/Mass Gothic (all-ages, 8pm) Red Dot Wauwatosa, Joe Kadlec Route 20 Outhouse (Sturtevant), Metal Men Shank Hall, Freddy Jones Band w/Coventry Jones Smith Bros. Coffee House (Port Washington), Jonny T-Bird & Big Dad The Bay Restaurant, The WhiskeyBelles The Cheel (Thiensville), Cinco de Mayo w/Hanneman, and Sobel & Merriweather The Coffee House, Food Pantry Benefit: The Music of Neil Young w/Jonnie Guernsey, Gary Kitchin, The Spirals & Sandy Weisto The Lakeside Supper Club & Lounge (Oconomowoc), 5 Card Studs The Suburban Bourbon (Muskego), Larry Lynne Band (2pm) Turner Hall Ballroom, Mad Hatter Shows presents: Erik Stolhanske Up & Under Pub, Battle of the Bands

SUNDAY, MAY 6

7 Mile Fair (Caledonia), The Blues Disciples (12pm) Angelo’s Piano Lounge, Live Karaoke w/Julie Brandenburg Cactus Club, The Messthetics (mem. of Fugazi) w/Conan Neutron & the Secret Friends, and Rally Circle-A Cafe, Alive at Eight: The Tritonics w/The Strangled Darlings (8pm); DJ: Trail Boss Tim Cook (10pm) Delafield Brewhaus, The All-Star SUPERband w/The Kettle Moraine High School Big Band (4pm) Dugout 54, Dugout 54 Sunday Open Jam Estabrook Biergarten (Estabrook Park), Maifest 2018 (12pm) Gibraltar Mke, Cory Weeds Quartet Hill Tavern (Omro), Rev. Raven & The Chain Smokin’ Altar Boys w/Westside Andy (3pm) Hops & Leisure (Oconomowoc), Full Band Open Jam w/host Big Murff & the Divers (5pm)

Kochanski’s Concertina Beer Hall, Hungry Williams and the Westerlees (2pm) Kuhtz General Store (Oconomowoc), The 45’s (3pm) Linneman’s Riverwest Inn, Dan Rodriguez w/Todd Kessler Miramar Theatre, Michael Jackson Tribute Show (all-ages, 8pm) Rounding Third Bar and Grill, The Dangerously Strong Comedy Open Mic Scotty’s Bar & Pizza, Larry Lynne Solo (4pm) Shank Hall, Project/Object: The Music Of Frank Zappa w/ Napoleon Murphy Brock & Denny Walley Slick Willie’s (South Milwaukee), Coventry Jones Band (4pm) The Tonic Tavern, Third Coast Blues w/Jim Liban & Bill Stone (4pm) Up & Under Pub, Gaffer Project

MONDAY, MAY 7

Frank’s Power Plant, Druid w/Doubletruck & Red Lodge Jazz Estate, WCM Adult Combos (6pm), Jazz Estate Jam Session (8pm) Linneman’s Riverwest Inn, Poet’s Monday w/host Timothy Kloss & featured reader Sylvia Cavanaugh & Ed Werstein (signup 7:30pm, 8-11pm) Mason Street Grill, Joel Burt Duo (5:30pm) Paulie’s Pub and Eatery, Open Jam w/Christopher John & Dave Wacker Shank Hall, Ray Bonneville Turner Hall Ballroom, Soulfly & Nile w/Morta Skuld, Khazaddum & These Fading Visions (6:30pm) Up & Under Pub, Open Mic w/Marshall McGhee and the Wanderers

TUESDAY, MAY 8

Be Sound Music Studio, Torch Singer Tuesdays C Notes Upscale Sports Lounge, Another Night-Another Mic Open Mic w/host The Original Darryl Hill Club Garibaldi, Sarah Shook & The Disarmers w/Wood Chickens Frank’s Power Plant, Duck and Cover Comedy Open Mic Jazz Estate, Sweet Sheiks Mamie’s, Open Blues Jam w/Stokes Mason Street Grill, Jamie Breiwick Group (5:30pm) McAuliffe’s Pub (Racine), Jim Yorgan Sextet Miramar Theatre, Insane Clown Posse - The Great Milenko 20th Anniversary Tour (all-ages, 6:30pm) Miramar Theatre, Tuesday Open Mic w/host Sandy Weisto (sign-up 7:30pm, all-ages)) Pabst Theater, Dita Von Teese and the Copper Coupe Burlesque Revue Parkside 23, Andrew Gelles (6pm) Potbelly Sandwich Shop (East Side), Texas Dave (12pm) The Jazz Gallery Center for the Arts, Jazz Jam Session Transfer Pizzeria Cafe, Transfer House Band w/Dennis Fermenich Turner Hall Ballroom, Dr. Dog w/Son Little

WEDNESDAY, MAY 9

Anodyne Coffee (Walker’s Point), Walter Salas-Humara (Silos) w/John Sieger (Semi-Twang) & Dean Schlabowske (Waco Brothers) Cactus Club, Saebra & Carlyle w/The Ornerys, & Amanda Huff solo set Conway’s Smokin’ Bar & Grill, Open Jam w/Big Wisconsin Johnson Frank’s Power Plant, Hide w/Plvgues & DJ Speedsick Glen Cafe, Wiegratz / DeRose Jazz Duo High Dive, The Voodoohoney Pirates Jazz Estate, Duo Sessions with Lou Cucunato Kochanski’s Concertina Beer Hall, Polka Open Jam Linneman’s Riverwest Inn, Acoustic Open Stage w/feature Joey Stone (sign-up 8:30pm, start 9pm) Mason Street Grill, Jamie Breiwick Group (5:30pm) Miramar Theatre, 30db Morton’s (Cedarburg), Andrew Koenig Band w/Benny Rickun (6:30pm) Paulie’s Field Trip, Humpday Jam w/Dave Wacker & Mitch Cooper Potawatomi Hotel & Casino, In the Northern Lights Theater: Brian Culbertson Rave / Eagles Club, The Breeders w/Dorth Nakota (all-ages, 8pm) Tally’s Tap & Eatery (Waukesha), Tomm Lehnigk The Cheel (Thiensville), Scott Hlavenka & Co. w/Gypsy Jazz Night (6:30pm) Totalgame Sports Bar, Wacky Wednesdays w/host The Original Darryl Hill Turner Hall Ballroom, Trixie Mattel Westallion Brewing Company, Rick Holmes Pro Jam w/host Robert Allen Jr.

SHEPHERD EXPRESS

JOB LOT By James Barrick

THEME CROSSWORD

PSYCHO SUDOKU! “Sum Sudoku”

Put one digit from 1-9 in each square of this Sudoku so that the following three conditions are met: 1) each row, column, and 3x3 box (as marked off by heavy lines in the grid) contains the digits 1-9 exactly one time; 2) no digit is repeated within any of the areas marked off by dotted lines; and 3) the sums of the numbers in each area marked off by dotted lines total the little number given in each of those areas. Now do what I tell you—olve!! psychosudoku@gmail.com

21 14

10 17

SHEPHERD EXPRESS

74.Like a whey-face 75.Tokyo, once 76.Shoe with a strap 77.French or melba 78.Additional 79.Bellyache 81.Woven articles 83.Homer’s better half 84.Battery type 86.— d’Azur 87.Doughnut 88.Place for hay 89.Shepard and Waterston 91.Get the better of 93.Hidden 96.Autocrat 98.MLB players 102. Embroidery 104. Chef d’oeuvre 106. Earth goddess 107. Unriddle 108. Poet T.S. — 109. Lamb, alternatively 110. Film spool 111. Thick fabric 112. Press together 113. Harangue DOWN 1. Bursae 2. Coagulum 3. River bordering Russia and China 4. Male vocalist 5. Hurries 6. Opening in a ship’s side 7. Market launch: Abbr. 8. Some garments 9. Extracts: 2 wds. 10.Fossil resin 11.Wilkes- — 12.Sister of Ares 13.Top

14.Ships’ records 15.Like some dental floss 16.Shortly 17.Dagger 18.Boats 24.Kitchen discards 26.Jewish month 29.Swallow 32.Lifar and Diaghilev 34.Unfair 35.Skier’s place 36.Famed storyteller 37.Trellis 39.Some votes 40.— -face 41.Supporting structure 42.The Pentateuch 43.— -ski 45.Stabbed, in a way 46.Divine law, in Hinduism 47.Squander 50.Lifts 54.Prolix 55.Makes a sullen face 56.Zodiac sign 57.Invalid 59.Kind of trap 60.Protruding rim 61.Word on a note 63.Toy-piano sound

64.Bottle 65.Asian palm 66.Of a verb property 67.Part of CPI 68.Wine variety 69.Military man, familiarly 70.Smirk 72.Flash 73.Water bird 76.Most snappy 77.Couples and couplets 78.Workforce 80.Of marshes 82.The Mounties: Abbr. 83.Giant in Norse myth 85.Hang loosely 87.Kind of bond 89.Act 90.Invited 92.Assembly of blades 93.Nonpareil 94.Ceroma 95.Yield by treaty 96.Allocate (with “out”) 97.Lie 99.“Whatever — Wants” 100. Hibernia 101. Old card game 103. Impress 105. — Galahad

Solution to last week’s puzzle

4/26 Solution

WORD FIND This is a theme puzzle with the subject stated below. Find the listed words in the grid. (They may run in any direction but always in a straight line. Some letters are used more than once.) Ring each word as you find it and when you have completed the puzzle, there will be 19 letters left over. They spell out the alternative theme of the puzzle.

Time For a Break Solution: 19 Letters

ACROSS 1. Vilified worker 5. Dress 10.As clear as — — 15.DC org. 19.— mater 20.— New Guinea 21.Lopez or Van Peebles 22.Pinot — 23.Assignments for students 25.A dental prosthesis 27.Slugs 28.Passover meals 30.Some cartridges 31.Ebb and other 33.Angry 34.Billet- — 35.Parlors 38.Sufficiently, formerly 40.Role in “La Traviata” 44.Lists 45.Basis 48.Candy piece 49.Bone: Prefix 50.Thesaurus maker 51.Ends 52.Go off course 53.Olla 54.Marionette appendages 55.Meat pie 56.Loop-shaped structures 58.Incidents 60.Strong suit 61.Veracities 62.Gave a hoot 63.Hat adornment 64.Something inessential 65.Recompense 67.Rio de la — 68.Knowing nothing 71.Loud and rough 72.Beams 73.Breed

V T O G Y Y P A T E G W E E R I E C T X T A K E C N T

Amble Arts Aunty Bait Bask BMX Bushwalk Coast Cricket Dam Dawn Drink Exercise Flee Fly Frogs Fun Game

Golf Guideway Happy Hats Ice Idle Jog Knit Lake Music Open Parks Play Regatta Relaxation Row Run

Rural Sand Scuba Shore Skate Snowboarding Surf Tonic Travel Trip Uncle Unwind Visit Wade Wash Yacht

4/26 Solution: Plenty of these in Australia

Solution: We all need some me time

S V B M E T E O R O L E R W D R E L E V A D D L E I E L G C C A R Q U A R T Z U R E J E X P O S E L W H F T F L B R E W E R Y D A P I A L I G H T W E I G H L E Y R Y

Creators Syndicate

737 3rd Street • Hermosa Beach, CA 90254 310-337-7003 • info@creators.com

Date: 5/3/18 M A Y 3 , 2 0 1 8 | 35

::NEWS OF THE WEIRD

::FREEWILLASTROLOGY ::BY ROB BREZSNY TAURUS (April 20-May 20): These days you have an enhanced ability to arouse the appreciation and generosity of your allies, friends, and loved ones. The magnetic influence you’re emanating could even start to evoke the interest and inquiries of mere acquaintances and random strangers. Be discerning about how you wield that potent stuff! On the other hand, don’t be shy about using it to attract all the benefits it can bring you. It’s OK to be a bit greedier for goodies than usual as long as you’re also a bit more compassionate than usual. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): I bet that a healing influence will arrive from an unexpected direction and begin to work its subtle but intense magic before anyone realizes what’s happening. I predict that the bridge you’re building will lead to a place that’s less flashy but more useful than you imagined. And I’m guessing that although you may initially feel jumbled by unforeseen outcomes, those outcomes will ultimately be redemptive. Hooray for lucky flukes and weird switcheroos! CANCER (June 21-July 22): Born under the astrological sign of Cancer, Franz Kafka is regarded as one of the 20th century’s major literary talents. Alas, he made little money from his writing. Among the day jobs he did to earn a living were stints as a bureaucrat at insurance companies. His superiors there praised his efforts. “Superb administrative talent,” they said about him. Let’s use this as a take-off point to meditate on your destiny, Cancerian. Are you good at skills you’re not passionate about? Are you admired and acknowledged for having qualities that aren’t of central importance to you? If so, the coming weeks and months will be a favorable time to explore this apparent discrepancy. I believe you will have the power to get closer to doing more of what you love to do. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): If you really wanted to, you could probably break the world’s record for most words typed per minute with the nose (103 characters in 40 seconds). I bet you could also shatter a host of other marks, as well, like eating the most hot chiles in two minutes, or weaving the biggest garland using defunct iPhones, or dancing the longest on a tabletop while listening to a continuous loop of Nirvana’s song “Smells Like Teen Spirit.” But I hope you won’t waste your soaring capacity for excellence on meaningless stunts like those. I’d rather see you break your own personal records for accomplishments like effective communications, high-quality community building and smart career moves. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Isaac Newton (1643-1727) was among history’s three most influential scientists. Immanuel Kant (1724-1804) has been described as the central figure in modern philosophy. Henry James (1843-1916) is regarded as one of the greatest novelists in English literature. John Ruskin (1819-1900) was a prominent art critic and social thinker. What did these four men have in common? They never had sex with anyone. They were virgins when they died. I view this fact with alarm. What does it mean that Western culture is so influenced by the ideas of men who lacked this fundamental initiation? With that as our context, I make this assertion: If you hope to make good decisions in the coming weeks, you must draw on the wisdom you have gained from being sexually entwined with other humans. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): “Every so often, a painter has to destroy painting,” said 20thcentury abstract expressionist painter Willem de Kooning. “Cézanne did it. Picasso did it with Cubism. Then Pollock did it. He busted our idea of a picture all to hell.” In de Kooning’s view, these “destructive” artists performed a noble service. They demolished entrenched ideas about the nature of painting, thus liberating their colleagues and descendants from stale constraints. Judging from the current astrological omens, Libra, I surmise the near future will be a good time for you to wreak creative destruction in your own field or sphere. What progress and breakthroughs might be possible when you dismantle comfortable limitations? SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Mayflies are aquatic insects with short life spans. Many species live less than 24 hours, even though the eggs they lay may take three years

36 | M AY 3 , 2 0 1 8

to hatch. I suspect this may be somewhat of an apt metaphor for your future, Scorpio. A transitory or short-duration experience could leave a legacy that will ripen for a long time before it hatches. But that’s where the metaphor breaks down. When your legacy has fully ripened—when it becomes available as a living presence—I bet it will last a long time. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): When a critic at Rolling Stone magazine reviewed The Beatles’ Abbey Road in 1969, he said some of the songs were “so heavily overproduced that they are hard to listen to.” He added, “Surely they must have enough talent and intelligence to do better than this.” Years later, however, Rolling Stone altered its opinion, naming Abbey Road the 14th best album of all time. I suspect, Sagittarius, that you’re in a phase with metaphorical resemblances to the earlier assessment. But I’m reasonably sure that this will ultimately evolve into being more like the later valuation—and it won’t take years. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): According to my analysis of the astrological omens, love should be in full bloom. You should be awash in worthy influences that animate your beautiful passion. So how about it? Are you swooning and twirling and uncoiling? Are you overflowing with a lush longing to celebrate the miracle of being alive? If your answer is yes, congratulations. May your natural intoxication levels continue to rise. But if my description doesn’t match your current experience, you may be out of sync with cosmic rhythms. And if that’s the case, please take emergency measures. Escape to a sanctuary where you can shed your worries and inhibitions and maybe even your clothes. Get drunk on undulating music as you dance yourself into a dreamy love revelry. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): “Life never gives you anything that’s all bad or all good.” So proclaimed the smartest Aquarian 6-year-old girl I know as we kicked a big orange ball around a playground. I agreed with her! “Twenty years from now,” I told her, “I’m going to remind you that you told me this heartful truth.” I didn’t tell her the corollary that I’d add to her axiom, but I’ll share it with you: If anything or anyone seems to be all bad or all good, you’re probably not seeing the big picture. There are exceptions, however! For example, I bet you will soon experience or are already experiencing a graceful stroke of fate that’s very close to being all good. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): “Enodation” is an old, nearly obsolete English word that refers to the act of untying a knot or solving a knotty problem. “Enodous” means “free of knots.” Let’s make these your celebratory words of power for the month of May, Pisces. Speak them out loud every now and then. Invoke them as holy chants and potent prayers leading you to discover the precise magic that will untangle the kinks and snarls you most need to untangle. ARIES (March 21-April 19): I hate rampant consumerism almost as much as I hate hatred, so I don’t offer the following advice lightly: Buy an experience that could help liberate you from the suffering you’ve had trouble outgrowing. Or buy a toy that can thaw the frozen joy that’s trapped within your out-of-date sadness. Or buy a connection that might inspire you to express a desire you need help in expressing. Or buy an influence that will motivate you to shed a belief or theory that has been cramping your lust for life. Or all of the above! (And if buying these things isn’t possible, consider renting.) Homework: What’s the most important question you need an answer for in the next five years? Deliver your best guess to me. Freewillastrology.com.

::BY THE EDITORS OF ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION

Clearly a Poor Disguise

n a perhaps unintentional bid for the worst criminal disguise of 2018, Kerry Hammond Jr., 22, broke into a GameStop store in St. Marys, Ga., at 1:19 a.m. on Friday, April 13, where he was captured on camera wearing a clear plastic wrapper (of the sort that holds bundles of bottled water together) over his head. Not surprisingly, WJXT reported, Hammond’s face was clearly visible in the surveillance video; local police quickly identified and captured him on Tuesday, April 17. Hammond, incidentally, already had two active felony warrants for his arrest for burglary and second-degree criminal damage to property.

The Russ-ians Are Coming! In Oslo, Norway, according to Reuters, tradition calls for recent high school graduates to participate in something known as a Russ—a several-weeks-long party that includes drinking, nudity and public sex—sometimes results in injury-causing or even fatal car crashes by distracted drivers. So this year, the Public Roads Administration issued a statement on Wednesday, April 18, headlined: “No to Sex on Roundabouts!” It warns that Russ participants should refrain from running naked and having sex on bridges and roundabouts because such behavior can give vehicle drivers “too much of a surprise.”

The Fajita Felon Over the last two years, Cameron County employee Gilberto Escamilla, 53, of Brownsville, Texas, has been accepting shipments of fajitas worth a total of $1.2 million at the Darrell B. Hester Juvenile Detention Center. But inmates there aren’t served fajitas. Escamilla had been ordering shipments of fajitas from Labatt Food Service in Harlingen and then reselling them online for profit. “It started small and got bigger and out of control,” Escamilla told the court, according to The Brownsville Herald. On Friday, April 20, he was sentenced to 50 years in prison after pleading guilty to theft by a public servant.

Go to RealAstrology.com to check out Rob

Oops!

Brezsny’s Expanded Weekly Audio Horoscopes

The Washington State Department of Transportation had to issue a mea culpa on the afternoon of Tuesday, April 17, after an electronic highway sign displayed the message “U SUCK” above Interstate Five near Jovita, Wash. WSDOT called the sign “an inappro-

and Daily Text Message Horoscopes. The audio horoscopes are also available by phone at 1-877-873-4888 or 1-900-950-7700.

priate message that appeared due to a training error” and was “clearly a mistake,” according to KCPQ TV.

Least Competent (and/or Weird) Criminals Timothy Hill, 67, of Grassington, North Yorkshire, England, having installed a laser jammer in his Range Rover, thought he was outsmarting law enforcement speed cameras. In fact, he was so sure of his scheme that he repeatedly raised his middle finger to the cameras as he passed them by at speed. What he didn’t realize was that the laser jammer, rather than hiding his identity, was only blocking police from determining his speed, so when they tracked him down, he was charged: not with speeding, but with “perverting the course of justice.” “If you want to attract our attention, repeatedly gesturing at police cameras with your middle finger while you’re driving a distinctive car fitted with a laser jammer is an excellent way to do it,” Traffic Constable Andrew Forth told Metro News. Hill pleaded guilty on Monday, April 23, and was sentenced to eight months in jail and prohibited from driving for a year. Kiana Wallace, 24, was sentenced to 18 months in prison in Belmont County, Ohio, on Monday, April 23, following her guilty plea for tampering with evidence. On probation after a drug possession sentence in 2017, Wallace failed a drug urine test when the “borrowed” sample she used tested positive for drugs. “Let me get this straight,” Judge Frank Fregiato said in court, according to WTOVTV. “To avoid the positive test with your own urine, you used someone else’s urine, which turned out to be positive also?” Indeed, that was positively the case. On Monday, April 23, police officers in Warren, Mich., responded to a home for a welfare check on 68-year-old George Curtis, whose relatives had become concerned because they hadn’t heard from him in some time. Curtis was, indeed, dead. In fact, WJBK-TV reported, he had been deceased for as much as a year. Also found in the home: his girlfriend, who had continued living there with Curtis’ decaying body, which was found lying in their bed. Police transported the unnamed woman to a hospital for a mental evaluation. On the South Side of Chicago, police responded to reports of an elderly woman pushing a dead body around the Chatham neighborhood in a shopping cart on Saturday, April 21, according to the Chicago Sun-Times. Officers took the woman to a hospital for a mental evaluation and launched an investigation into the female body, whose age and identity had not been determined at press time. © 2018 ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION SHEPHERD EXPRESS

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GET ‘EM AT THE SHEPSTORE.COM M AY 3 , 2 0 1 8 | 37

THEBACK::ARTFORARTâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;SSAKE

Ready for Your Close-Up ::BY ART KUMBALEK

â&#x20AC;&#x2122;m Art Kumbalek and man oh manischewitz what a world, ainâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;a? So listen, I know a lot of youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s are looking forwards to the summertime season coming up, unlike yours truly who does not appreciate in the least that time of year when if itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not the heat, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the stupidity for crying out loud. Be that as it may, June, July and August, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d like to give youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a little something else to look forward to, and so shall I provide you with a sneak preview of some of my blockhead-busting essays Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll be delivering come summer on this page in front of you. In fact, if I were you Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d go pitch my pup tent right now outside the door of wherever it is you go to pick up your Shepherd Express, and prepare to camp there all summer long â&#x20AC;&#x2122;cause every week youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re going to want to be among the first to have experienced the highflying load of linguistic legerdemain I got lined up in store for you on summerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s shelves as soon as I think of it. And the good news is that you can still carry in all the Good & Plenty and ice-cold bottled beer you can stand when reading these upcoming essays â&#x20AC;&#x2122;cause why would I care, what the fock. Starbucks Wars: Darth Loiter vs. Princess Barista: During a slow news week, I may expand my thoughts about the first guy maybe a couple fivethousand years ago to discover coffee, when he got it into his head that it would be a grand idea to grind up some beans he happened to notice hanging off a tree

somewheres, toss the ground-up stuff into some hot water and then drink this dredge just to see what the heck would happen. What the fock did people back then need a coffee buzz for, anyways. What, they were a little groggy in the morning from staying up too late with the TV or â&#x20AC;&#x2122;cause they were cramming for final exams? Yeah, I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t think so, either. Mission: Impossibleâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Successful Marriage: The feel-good, laff-riot essay of the summer slated for a June release in time for the slew of matrimonial ceremonies that take place this month. There wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t be a dry eye or dry seat left in the house once youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s get done reading this one. For better or worse, a rhetorical questionâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;â&#x20AC;&#x153;What are you, focking nuts?â&#x20AC;?â&#x20AC;&#x201D;begs for the hearts and minds of the soon-to-be-damned. Thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll also be this memorable word-picture: A man is in court on trial for murder. The judge says, â&#x20AC;&#x153;You are charged with beating your wife to with a hammer.â&#x20AC;? A voice from the back of the court yells, â&#x20AC;&#x153;You bastard!â&#x20AC;? The judge glares and then continues, â&#x20AC;&#x153;You are also charged with beating your mother-in-law with a hammer.â&#x20AC;? Again the voice from the back of the court bellows, â&#x20AC;&#x153;You bastard!!â&#x20AC;? The judge pounds his gavel and says, â&#x20AC;&#x153;We cannot have any more of these outbursts from you, sir, or I shall charge you with contempt. Now, what is the problem?â&#x20AC;? And the guy in the back of the courtroom stands and says, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Your honor, 15 years Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve lived next door to that bastard, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have one!â&#x20AC;? Bender Man: This oneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s strictly for the youth in my reading audience so they got a little some-

thing to kill time with besides shoplifting. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll toss in a couple of lighthearted riddles: â&#x20AC;&#x153;How come Raggedy Ann got banned from the toy chest? Give up? â&#x20AC;&#x2122;Cause she kept sitting on Pinocchioâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s face and saying, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Lie to me, lie to me, damn it!â&#x20AC;&#x2122;â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s green and hangs from trees? Giraffe snot.â&#x20AC;? Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll pass along some age-appropriate wisdom like, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Never, ever mix good booze with soda.â&#x20AC;? And Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll wind it up with a fun essay question for which Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll ask them to send their answers to me for some kind of bullshit prize: â&#x20AC;&#x153;Compare and contrast the Neolithic Revolution with the Counter-Reformation, and if you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t cite your sources, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll never see your dog again.â&#x20AC;? Captain Kumbalek: Religiosity War: Here, I get a bug up my butt but good that turns me into a crusad-

ing super-humanist who battles all forms of religious belief during the course of one helluva action-packed essay, I kid you not. Be you Muslim, Baptist, Buddhist, Catholic, Hindu, Aztec, Mormon, Deadhead, Pente-focking-costalist or Jehovahâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Witness, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m kicking your fanatical fanny around the block and back. Possessed only with the powers of regular common sense and an ounce of compassion for his fellow creature, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s one manâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s attempt to set the world on a sane and just path as we leave all the various Lords, Lordettes and what-nots shrinking to nothingness in the rearview mirror. So there you go. All thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s left for me to do is to go bask in the bright lights of the Uptowner tavern/charm school and get down to work, â&#x20AC;&#x2122;cause Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m Art Kumbalek and I told you so.

Cinco De Mayo Weekend Bash

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