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::NEWS&VIEWS SHEPHERD STAFF

FEATURES | POLLS | TAKING LIBERTIES | ISSUE OF THE WEEK

Nordstrom

What is the Future of Retail?

STORES CONTRACT (AND EXPAND) AMID PRESSURE FROM ONLINE COMPETITION ::BY DANIEL SHAW arquette University marketing professor Felicia Miller can’t help feeling a little puzzled when thinking about some of the recent forays into brick-and-mortar retail she has seen in the Milwaukee area. It’s not just that developers are willing to build and businesses are still willing to brave the prevailing winds of e-commerce and open physical stores in places like the Corners of Brookfield just west of Milwaukee, Oak Creek’s Drexel Town Square and Greenfield’s 84 South, it’s also the types of stores that have been coming in. Professor Miller noted that at least two of the recent additions, Von Maur in the Corners of Brookfield and Nordstrom in Wauwatosa’s Mayfair Mall, tend to aim for wealthier customers. “Actually, it’s a mystery to me why any traditional department store is expanding now,” Miller said. “And with Von Maur, it’s completely counter to the trend because they are going high end.” That trend has indeed been a rough one in recent years for retailers throughout the country. Even though e-commerce still accounts for only slightly more than 10% of total retail sales, it has been a hugely disruptive force.

6 | DECEMBER 14, 2017

The latest blow to brick-and-mortar retail in the Milwaukee area came in mid-November when Bon-Ton Stores Inc., the parent company of Boston Store and other department stores, announced it would be closing at least 40 of its 260 stores. Bon-Ton, which has lost money for the last six years, made that decision public while reporting another disappointing quarter for sales. And Kohl’s, another Wisconsin-based retail giant, has likewise struggled. The Menomonee Falls-based company reported in early November that its profits had fallen by 18% in the third quarter. Rather than closing stores, though, Kohl’s executives are hoping to weather the storm merely by reducing the size of existing locations. Miller said department store chains like Boston Store, Kohl’s, J.C. Penney and Macy’s will continue to struggle until they find some way to differentiate themselves from the common run of their kind. She said most of these brands were built on the notion that they could offer customers the ease of being able to find a wide variety of goods in a single place, but if convenience is the goal, none is in a position to compete with online retail sites— where shoppers can find a veritable cornucopia without even having to leave their homes. Miller said most retailers know that their best hopes lie in finding ways to distinguish themselves not only from online sellers but also their brick-and-mortar rivals. That’s easier said than done, though. Retailers might try to stand out by offering goods that can’t be found anywhere else. Yet most manufacturers still want their products to be on sale at a wide variety of outlets. Brick-and-mortar retailers can also promise better customer service than shoppers can find online. It’s not always an easy pledge to fulfill, though.

Going Local?

Strangely enough, current circumstances are in many ways more favorable to small, locally owned shops. Doug McDonald, general manager of the small Mod Gen store in Milwaukee’s Third Ward, said he considers himself fortunate in that he doesn’t have to rely on online sales. In fact, after giving e-commerce a short try, McDonald and his colleagues at Mod Gen (the name is a shortening of “modern general store”) have chosen to concentrate solely on the physical store. McDonald said he had for a while bought into the idea that all retailers would either have to go online or risk losing out to nimbler competitors. It did not take long, though, for McDonald to see that e-commerce made little sense for a small business. To cover shipping and handling costs, he said, he found himself having to increase his prices by as much as 20%, “and the catch-22,” he said, “is that you can’t price your online products differently than your brick-andmortar products.” Rather than try to build up a big online business, Mod Gen doubled down on brick-and-mortar retail, moving its shop in 2016 from Capital Drive in Shorewood to its current location in the Third Ward. A big part of the district’s appeal, McDonald says, is its mix of not just shops but also restaurants, entertainment venues and hotels. With retailers like the women’s clothing store Francesca’s and the eyeglass seller Warby Parker having recently moved in (and more likely to come) the district seems to be only gaining momentum. “It’s been great,” McDonald said. “To have this community and the Public Market and hotels. And being down the street from where a lot of things happen, like Summerfest.”

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A Holiday Tradition not to be missed!

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A veritable who’s who of Milwaukee’s best known musicians, including Eddie Butts, Warren Wiegratz, The Speakeasy Horns, Xeno and Steve Grimm of Bad Boy, Joe Hite, Sigmund Snopek, Steve Cohen and Peter Alt, just to name a few, will join together for the 35th Annual Sleighriders concert and auction. For three decades, The Sleighriders have donated their time and talents for charity in the holiday season, and this year is no different. This year’s proceeds will benefit Variety The Children’s Charity of Wisconsin - varietywi.org - helping children with disabilities.

Development Beyond Downtown

SHEPHERD STAFF

Outside the Downtown area, developers are hoping to give retailers similar advantages by making shopping just one of several reasons to visit their properties. In Oak Creek, the Drexel Town Square development offers a mix of retailers, restaurants, apartments and entertainment options, and beyond that development, the project is having offshoots. Road work related to Drexel Town Square has been cited as being instrumental in the city landing Wisconsin’s first Ikea store. Elsewhere, in the town of Brookfield, the Corners of Brookfield is offering a similar assortment of luxury apartments, a Sendik’s grocery store and restaurants. Robert Gould, vice president of IM Properties, one of the developers of the project, confirmed a primary goal is to provide shoppers with experiences they can’t necessarily have elsewhere. As examples, he noted that the Corners of Brookfield’s Kendra Scott jewelry store lets customers design their own jewelry; its Anthony Vince Nail Spa offers food and wine; and its Sendik’s Food Market regularly puts on cooking demonstrations. As Gould wrote in an email, “We have developed a tenant mix that has embraced and is not threatened by e-retailing, and we have been careful to assemble a mixture of first-to-market brands, fresh and relevant national brands and strong local brands.” Meanwhile, older malls have been working to give themselves a new sheen—even as some of their anchor tenants move into smaller quarters or even close their doors. At Brookfield Square in the city of Brookfield, the owners have responded to Sears’ plans to reduce the size of its store by entering into discussions with WhirlyBall, a Chicago-based restaurant and tavern chain that features bumper cars and other games. Amid all the doom and gloom, there are a few optimists who believe that some of these en-

deavors at least will result in success. Dick Seesel, principal at the Mequon-based consulting firm Retailing in Focus, said it would be unwise to count out brick-and-mortar retailers. Seesel, who worked for Kohl’s for 24 years, said he has noticed that many department stores are beginning to make better use of their physical space. Kohl’s and Macy’s, he predicted, will find that their prospects now depend on how well they are able to make their online business complement what they are already doing at their brickand-mortar sites. As for higher-end retailers like Nordstrom, he said it’s inconceivable to think that company officials did not precede their decision to come to Milwaukee with market research. “It was long overdue,” Seesel said. “A lot of people were driving to Chicago to shop at Nordstrom. So that made perfect sense to me.” Brenna Sussman, a spokeswoman for Nordstrom, did not discuss precisely why company officials picked Milwaukee for a new store, but she did say that Mayfair Mall was an easy choice. “Mayfair is a top shopping center for this community, so it was a great fit with our strategy of opening stores in the best retail locations,” she said. Miller agrees with Seesel that some retailers are making better use than others of their brickand-mortar sites. She gave particular credit to Macy’s for reducing the size of its physical stores while finding ways to drive shoppers to its website, in part by carrying fewer products on its shelves, but still, Miller says that many retailers are far from knowing exactly what they should be doing with their physical stores. For many, the coming holidays will be a test of whether recent changes to their business plans have done any good at all. “Again, with all the discounting and competitiveness,” Miller said, “there are probably going to be more losers than winners.” Comment at shepherdexpress.com. n

35th Annual

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NEWS&VIEWS::FEATURE SHEPHERD STAFF

Making Milwaukee’s Food Desert Bloom LOCAL ENTREPRENEURS BRING NEW OPTIONS TO URBAN NEIGHBORHOODS ::BY NYESHA STONE

corner may have been turned this September when Pete’s Fruit Market had its grand opening in Bronzeville. This neighborhood, like many others in Milwaukee, was considered a food desert—an area with limited access to affordable and nutritious food, leaving residents to depend on the corner stores and gas stations that usually lack nutritional food. With the opening of Pete’s Fruit Market, Bronzeville residents have a new, convenient, cost-friendly, healthy grocery store to shop in. Anne Tsitiridis (stepdaughter of Pete’s Fruit Market owner Pete Tsitiridis) says that since the store’s doors opened the community has supported the business and even thanked the family for coming to their neighborhood. “We’ve felt very welcomed,” says Anne. “We hope our store brings jobs and a sense of community.” As far back as 1992, Pete Tsitiridis decided to help the community by bringing healthy, affordable food to the people. He opened his first Pete’s Fruit Market on 16th Street and Greenfield Avenue, which has become a loyal partner to the South Side community. The North Side’s embrace of the location shows that residents see a need for a change—a change in the way they eat. Hunger Task Force Executive Director Sherrie Tussler identifies five neighborhoods in Milwaukee that don’t have access to a nearby grocery store: Amani, McGovern Park, Harambee, Sherman Park and Merrill Park. She believes it’s possible to increase access to healthier food options if the community works toward that goal. Tussler says one of the best ways to get people to change their diets and go the healthier route is by broadening their experience with different foods. “You have to try new things,” she explains.

‘Life is in the Food’ Taste-testing may have been on Maya Bentley’s mind when she opened Country Fresh Kitchen (5224 W. Center St.) this past July to fight for better food options in her neighborhood. Country Fresh Kitchen, a restaurant supplied by Oasis Fresh Foods grocery market, serves organic Southern cooking. Bentley began teaching herself how to eat healthy after her father died in 2015 from cancer linked to a poor diet. With Country Fresh Kitchen, Bentley hopes to change the narrative. She doesn’t want to see others experience what she went through, so she’s educating her community through her restaurant. To get out of the food desert, we must first start with ourselves, said Bentley. Access to healthy grocery stores and restaurants is one thing; changing mentalities about the importance of good food is another. She adds that urban farming is essential in eliminating food deserts. “I understand that life is in the food,” Bentley says. “Our people don’t have to be dependent on welfare if you start growing.” Country Fresh Kitchen serves organic eggs, rolls, grilled chicken, carrot rolls and lots of soups. Bentley encourages people not to eat beef or pork because those meats contain high sodium. She says her hardest task is educating people on the benefits of organic food. She noticed the owner of the business next to hers had trouble walking because his feet were swollen. He had been dealing with high blood pressure for years, so Bentley decided to help. She took the bitter melon seeds she orders from Africa and juiced them up for the man. Within days, his feet stop swelling. According to Bentley, bitter melon helps reduce blood glucose (sugar) levels and regulates the body’s use of insulin. Bentley isn’t working alone. The Juice Kitchen owner Maanaan 8 | DECEMBER 14, 2017

Sabir is also an advocate for providing the community with education about healthy foods while providing customers with healthy drink options. The Juice Kitchen (1617 W. North Ave.) provides fruit and vegetable-filled drinks that cleanse the body. “I add to their life,” he says of patrons. Sabir’s “Soul Food” drink contains sweet potatoes, oranges, lemons, limes, carrots and strawberries. According to Sabir, drinking juices like Soul Food delivers oxygen to the blood. He compares juicing to drugs because it gives the body a type of high; a healthy high. You can drink these juices along with a meal, or you can go on a detox and just juice. Mentorship is also essential for escaping the food desert. “We must educate the youth on this topic, so by the time they’re older, they’ll be able to pass down that knowledge to the next generation,” Sabir says. Like Bentley, he advocates for urban farming as a local source for fresh produce. Amaranth Bakery & Café owner David Boucher says one of the health issues facing the community is dependence on fast food. In business since 2006, Amaranth (3329 W. Lisbon Ave.) is dedicated to producing high-quality bakery items with organic and fair-trade ingredients. “If they come in here they’ve already taken steps to a healthier life,” says Boucher. He explains that unhealthy food is like an addiction, making us crave empty calories, which makes us eat more and leads to weight gain. Many people believe healthy food doesn’t taste as good as junk food, but Boucher says that’s false. It’s all about the seasonings, and once you learn that, switching over will be easier. Boucher is happy with the progress being made in Milwaukee, and he believes the food desert will not be a problem in the future. “When we first started this business, we felt like aliens,” said Boucher. “Now we’re pretty much [serving] common food.”

Getting Milwaukee Out of the Desert Vegan chef Rain Truth believes Milwaukee needs more food gardens and—citing Venice Williams at Alice’s Garden (2136 N. 21st St.)—people who teach the community how to garden. For Truth, it’s all about finding different ways to change people’s lifestyles. Her catering business, The Cultured Vegan, has been around for 10 years and hosts workshops and vegan cooking demonstrations. Truth’s mother also had cancer, but unlike Bentley’s father, her mother survived by changing her diet. She knew at that moment she had to educate her people and to change lives. Truth isn’t the only provider of vegan food in the African American community. Urban Beets’ owner Dawn Balistreri has been a vegan off and on for 25 years. She opened Urban Beets (1401 N. Doctor Martin Luther King Jr. Drive) because she believes Milwaukee is ready for the vegan lifestyle, and, she insists, “You don’t have to be vegan to eat vegan food.” Balistreri started as a vegetarian for health reasons but then became more sensitive to animals and the world. “I believe that the majority of our health comes from what we eat and what we don’t eat,” she says. Awareness, education and activism are crucial. “This is and will be a community effort to get Milwaukee out of this desert, but it’s not impossible,” Bentley says. “There are leaders in the city who are currently fighting this issue, but it takes more than a few, because when we have numbers, we have more knowledge and power. We don’t have all the answers; however, we have the ambition to go forward.” Comment at shepherdexpress.com. n

Growing Power

Growing Power and Green Veterans ::BY JENNI HERRICK AND JOHN JAHN Urban farming was still a largely unknown concept in 1993 when Growing Power began as a program that offered inner-city Milwaukee teens an opportunity to work by growing food for their community. Over the ensuing years, Growing Power received national attention for its efforts and expanded into one of the most successful urban farms in the country. Founder and CEO Will Allen started the nonprofit organization by purchasing a few acres of land just blocks from Milwaukee’s largest public housing project, transforming it into a multisite urban farm that produced 40 tons of fresh fruits and vegetables and raised more than 100,000 fish annually. Alas, Growing Power has recently closed its doors following a vote to do so by its board of directors. But that is not the end of the story. A group called Green Veterans has taken over Growing Power’s mission and its holdings. Green Veterans announced on their Facebook page recently that they are now beginning the process of transforming Growing Power into “a new intermodal model of Urban Farm School, Small Farmers Co-op and Trauma Resolution Center.” Green Veterans’ mission statement, should it be fulfilled here in Milwaukee with their take-over of Growing Power, would certainly prove a boon to the local community. “Green Veterans are dedicated to helping our nation’s heroes learn about sustainable building and green living, while helping ease the hardship of military-to-civilian transition,” it states. “By empowering veterans to become volunteer leaders in their communities, we nurture opportunities for continuing education, networking, employment, corporate engagement and green entrepreneurship.” Comment at shepherdexpress.com. n

SHEPHERD EXPRESS

NEWS&VIEWS ::SAVINGOURDEMOCRACY ( DEC. 14- 20, 2017 )

he Shepherd Express serves as a clearinghouse for all activities in the greater Milwaukee area that peacefully push back against discriminatory, reactionary or authoritarian actions and policies of the Trump administration, as well as other activities by all those who seek to thwart social justice. We will publicize and promote actions, demonstrations, planning meetings, teach-ins, party-building meetings, drinking-discussion get-togethers and any other actions that are directed toward fighting back to preserve our liberal democratic system.

Saturday, Dec. 16

Voter and Civic Engagement Campaign @ Acción Ciudadana de Wisconsin (221 S. Second St.), 10 a.m.-1 p.m.

Acción Ciudadana de Wisconsin, Latino Voting Bloc of Wisconsin and Citizen Action of Wisconsin have organized a weekly Saturday campaign of knocking on doors and phone banking to get people thinking about the 2018 elections. Volunteers can go out and talk to voters about the issues that they care about and get them involved in different events happening in the community.

Peace Action Wisconsin: Stand for Peace @ The corner of Port Washington Road and Silver Spring Drive, noon-1 p.m.

Every Saturday from noon-1 p.m., concerned citizens join with Peace Action Wisconsin to protest war and “Stand for Peace.” Signs will be provided for those who need them. Protesters are encouraged to stick around for conversation and coffee afterward.

Laughing Liberally @ ComedySportz Theater (420 S. First St.), 8 p.m.

Troubled by OCD? Participate in a clinical research study

Rogers Behavioral Health is currently recruiting individuals (aged 18-65) with OCD symptoms to participate in testing a computer-based treatment program. The treatment, delivered on a smart phone in a controlled setting, is aimed at reducing the anxiety associated with the disorder. To learn more, call 414-865-2600 or visit rogershospital.org/research Qualified participants will receive compensation. All inquiries are confidential. Study is funded through private donations to the Rogers Memorial Hospital Foundation.

Laughing Liberally Milwaukee, a progressive political comedy show hosted by comedian, satirist and talk radio host Matthew Filipowicz, is hosting a special War On X-Mas Comedy Extravaganza. Comedians include Dina Nina Martinez, Marcos Lara, Cynthia Marie, J. Tyler Menz, Addie Blanchard and sketch comedy group, The Accountants Of Homeland Security.

Sunday, Dec. 17

Brostoff Brunch @ 3000 N. Stowell Ave., 11 a.m.-2 p.m.

A fundraiser brunch will be held for State Legislator Jonathan Brostoff as a way for supporters to “warm up, enjoy wonderful food, and reconnect” with Brostoff in an intimate setting. Sponsorship levels range from $50-500.

Tuesday, Dec. 19

Happy Hour with Mike McCabe @ Sobelmans (1900 W. St. Paul Ave.), 4-5:30 p.m.

Mike McCabe is an independent candidate for Wisconsin governor running in the Democratic Party primary. This happy hour gives you an opportunity to hear about his vision for Wisconsin and see what separates him from others in the Democratic primary.

Wednesday, Dec. 20

MSDF Picket @ Milwaukee County Courthouse (901 N. Ninth St.), 11:30 a.m.-1:30 p.m.

The Coalition to Close the Milwaukee Secure Detention Facility will hold a picket in front of the Milwaukee County Courthouse to protest and collect petition signatures in an effort to eventually close the detention facility.

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To submit to this column, please send a brief description of your action, including date and time, to: savingourdemocracy@shepex.com. Together, we can fight to minimize the damage that the administration of Donald Trump and others of his kind have planned for our great country.

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SHEPHERD EXPRESS

DECEMBER 14, 2017 | 9

NEWS&VIEWS::TAKINGLIBERTIES

WISCONSIN SHOWED TRUMP HOW TO CORRUPT JUSTICE ::BY JOEL MCNALLY

s Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation into possible collusion between Russia and Donald Trump’s campaign moves ever closer to the president and his family, shrill Republican attacks on Mueller’s prosecutors as jackbooted thugs conducting “a political witch hunt” maligning Trump have escalated. In other words, Republicans are employing exactly the same tactics they used in Wisconsin to shut down legitimate investigations by law enforcement into government corruption at the highest levels. It may not take a “Saturday Night Massacre” by Trump firing Mueller and his team of prosecutors as they close in. Gov. Scott Walker and Wisconsin Republicans ended a long-running criminal investigation into a suspected massive money laundering scheme by simply passing a law outlawing so-called John Doe investigations by prosecutors into political corruption. Walker,

who signed that outrageous law, was the focus of two criminal John Doe investigations led by Milwaukee County District Attorney John Chisholm. The first convicted six Walker staff members and political associates when he was Milwaukee County Executive of crimes ranging from money laundering to embezzlement and illegal political activity. The second (by Chisholm and three other state district attorneys) investigated Gov. Walker and Republican legislative leaders for suspected criminal activity during a 2012 recall election to launder millions of dollars through independent political organizations to cover up bribery of public officials by political donors. A four-member Republican majority on the Wisconsin Supreme Court ended that investigation in 2015 with a brazenly political ruling that such activity wasn’t illegal in Wisconsin.

political corruption, but like other Republicans these days, he cares a lot about leaks to the media that expose Republican political corruption. Politicians leak secret stuff to the media all the time, but they hate leaks by someone else that make them look bad. The public, on the other hand, loves leaks for good reason. The respectable term is “whistle blower.” Whistle blowers in government inform citizens about things going on that politicians want to cover up. When the state Supreme Court shut down the investigation, it also ordered that all evidence be destroyed. Golly, I wonder why? But that couldn’t happen immediately because other cases and appeals were continuing. Schimel can’t prove who’s responsible, but he now wants folks associated with the investigation to be charged with contempt for failing to protect evidence from being leaked.

Badger State Dictatorship

Toxic Campaign Donations

Lest anyone forget how openly corrupt Wisconsin has now become, Republican Attorney General Brad Schimel just recommended contempt of court charges against nine people associated with the Walker investigation: the special prosecutor, members of Chisholm’s office (but not Chisholm, himself) and employees of the former Government Accountability Board (since destroyed by the Republican legislature) that was formerly responsible for overseeing fair elections and ethics in government. Why now, two years after Wisconsin Republicans succeeded in shutting down the investigation in a way that made their widespread political corruption even more obvious? Well, Schimel may not care about prosecuting Republican

Ten months after the investigation ended, The Guardian US published leaked evidence from the John Doe investigation, and anyone who cares about honest government should be glad it did. That’s how voters in Wisconsin learned a Texas billionaire who owned a company that produced toxic lead used in paint who was being sued for millions of dollars for brain damage to poor children secretly donated $750,000 to Walker and legislative Republicans who passed legislation to shield his company from legal liability. They also published that mining company Gogebic Taconite secretly donated $1.2 million to Walker and Republicans who allowed the company to rewrite state mining and environmental regulations.

The leaks exposed the false premise of the state Supreme Court’s decision that the crimes being investigated by law enforcement—politicians coordinating with independent groups to allow anonymous donors to bribe politicians— weren’t crimes in Wisconsin. Actually, it’s been illegal for independent groups to coordinate with candidates ever since the U.S. Supreme Court’s landmark 1976 Buckley v. Valeo decision that allowed independent groups to spend funds on elections without identifying donors. Even the infamous 2010 Citizens United decision that unleashed unlimited spending by those independent groups specifically continued that prohibition. But the U.S. Supreme Court, evenly divided after Justice Antonin Scalia’s death, declined to review an appeal of the Wisconsin decision. Many people in Wisconsin know exactly why the Republican majority on the state Supreme Court intentionally got the law so wrong. The independent groups involved in the Walker case— Club for Growth and Wisconsin Manufacturers and Commerce—were the largest political donors to the four justices who ruled in their favor, contributing more than $10 million to their elections to the court. Wisconsin showed Donald Trump how to corrupt justice. The only question now is whether Republicans in Congress and the U.S. Supreme Court with a new Trump-appointed justice will be as complicit as Wisconsin’s Republican legislature and Supreme Court in allowing Trump to get away with totally destroying legal investigations into political corruption. Comment at shepherdexpress.com. n

NEWS&VIEWS::POLL

You Think Flynn’s Cooperation Marks the Beginning of the End for Trump Last week we asked if former National Security Advisor Michael Flynn’s cooperation with Robert Mueller’s investigation marks the beginning of the end of Donald Trump’s presidency. You said: n Yes: 66% n No: 34%

What Do You Say?

Despite years of campaigning on fiscal responsibility, Republicans are pushing a tax plan that drastically spikes the deficit. Are Republicans deliberately increasing the deficit in order to justify future cuts to Medicare, Medicaid and Social Security? n Yes n No Vote online at shepherdexpress.com. We’ll publish the results of this poll in next week’s issue.

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SHEPHERD EXPRESS

NEWS&VIEWS::ISSUEOFTHEWEEK

How Google is Undermining Progressive Media

::BY ROB HULLUM

y now we’re all familiar with the term “fake news.” What started as a colloquialism to describe made-up news stories that proliferated on social media to skew the election in Donald Trump’s favor has since been flipped by Trump to dismiss any factual news reporting that criticizes him. Much as Trump has blurred the public’s understanding of what “fake news” is for his own benefit, it seems like Google may also be stretching fake news’ definition to undermine progressive media outlets working to hold the Trump administration accountable. Any website looking to share content, real or fake, relies heavily on now-omnipresent tech platforms like Google and Facebook to reach their audience. After initially downplaying the Russian influence campaign on their platform, Facebook eventually admitted that roughly 126 million users in the U.S. may have seen content created by Russian-linked accounts. Google discovered about $4,700 worth of search-and-display ads believed to be bought by accounts connected to the Russian government. The com-

SHEPHERD EXPRESS

pany found an additional $53,000 worth of ads bought from Russian internet addresses or with Russian money, though it is unclear if these purchases were tied to the government. In April, Google responded to public outrage and Senate pressure about misleading and false articles on their platform with Project Owl—an initiative aimed at suppressing fake news and pointing users to “more authoritative content.” While the shift was likely well-intentioned, the tech giant seems to have overcorrected and created consequences that have gone beyond pushing users away from Macedonian content farms publishing provably false stories. On Nov. 28, AlterNet, a progressive media website, sent an email to readers saying that Google’s algorithm changes reduced their search traffic by 40%. While AlterNet certainly infuses opinion and a liberal point of view in their reporting, their articles are always factual and should not be held to the same standard as websites that publish headlines such as “Hillary Clinton Has Third Heart Attack— Docs Says She ‘Won’t Survive.’” “The impact of Project Owl has been to invisibly censor independent news, while at the same time boosting the standing of a group of mainstream print and broadcast outlets that have collaborated with these platforms to ‘solve’ the fake news crisis,” AlterNet claimed in their email, and it is not the only website fighting this battle. The New York Times published an article on Sept. 26 under the headline “As Google Fights Fake News, Voices on the Margins Raise Alarm” that chronicled a drop off in traffic to the World Socialist Website (WSWS) that their

editorial chairman attributed to Google’s initiative. WSWS compiled data that shows 13 websites that lost significant Google search traffic post-Project Owl. Notably, Media Matters fell by 42%, Democracy Now fell by 36% and The Intercept fell by 19%. Independent news outlets—even those with a relatively small following—are essential to a free and open democracy. The Progressive recently cited a study by Harvard professor Gary King and his former graduate students Ben Schneer and Ariel White that discovered that “if just three outlets write about a particular major national policy topic—such as jobs, the environment or immigration—discussion of that topic across social media rose by as much as 62.7% of a day’s volume, distributed over the week.” If small, independent news outlets are prevented from reaching their audience because of suppression by giant tech conglomerates, the consequences could be dire. In their email, AlterNet calls on Google to “rescind the algorithm changes made under Project Owl and instead to consider adopting a more transparent method of determining fake news,” and for “the public, the FTC and Congress to consider regulating Facebook and Google as monopoly platforms for the distribution of content.” If Google’s mission is truly to “organize the world’s information and make it universally accessible and useful,” it may want to begin by not suppressing the progressive voices that challenge an administration that openly opposes a free press. Rob Hullum is Web Editor of the Shepherd Express. Comment at shepherdexpress.com.

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::DININGOUT

For more Dining, log onto shepherdexpress.com

DAVE ZYLSTRA

FEATURE | SHORT ORDER | EAT/DRINK

Hot Head Fried Chicken

Fried Chicken is King at Bay View’s Hot Head

few token pickles. The batter on the chicken is incredibly crunchy—almost toothshatteringly so—but the meat close to the bone is moist. Nashville-style hot fried chicken seems to be the most popular to order at HH, which is no surprise considering how ubiquitous it’s become. The fried chicken pieces are brushed in an oil-based sauce loaded with cayenne and other chili powders. Because it’s oil-based, the sauce does not make the crust on the chicken soggy, and leaves plenty of orange-hued puddles on the plate for sopping with the bread. It’s a rather mild version of Nashville-style hot chicken, but it’s got a deep flavor. ::BY LACEY MUSZYNSKI Carolina Gold adds a mustard-based Carolina-style barbecue sauce to the chicken. This is a relatively sweet version, and it’s rather thick. Order the sauce on the side f there is only one constant in this life, it’s got to be that for dipping if you want to go this route. fried chicken is delicious. I challenge you to find someone who And finally, the 414 Fire is the extra hot, knock-your-socks-off version of the doesn’t love it, or, at the very least, doesn’t mind eating it. It’s Nashville hot style. It’s made with ghost peppers, so if spicy food isn’t your thing, a common denominator food, one that almost everyone has stay away. In actuality, the heat level is closer to what you’d get in Nashville, so don’t experience with and an opinion about, whether your grandma be afraid to try it. made it every Sunday when you were a kid or you got a bucket Fried chicken is nothing without lots of Southern sides to eat it with. There are of KFC two weeks ago. plenty to choose from here, including sautéed collard greens with garlic and bacon In the last couple years, fried chicken has seen a resurgence in ($4), thick cheese grits with Parmesan and cheddar ($4), and baked beans with popularity. While it’s never completely gone away, you now see bourbon, molasses and pork belly ($4). Mac and cheese ($4) is made with either fried chicken popping up on menus all over, and even fried chickencheddar or smoked Gouda, but would be better if the cheeses were combined. For focused restaurants. It’s piggybacking a larger movement of Southern something a little lighter, there’s broccoli and kohlrabi slaw ($3) with carrots and food permeating north and becoming trendy. cabbage in a light, creamy dressing. Hot Head Fried Chicken in Bay View is the latest Milwaukee restauFans of Bumstead’s unique foie gras donuts with blueberry compote ($5) will be rant to embrace this trend. It opened in September in the space that happy to note that they have survived and live on at HH. Fried previously held Bumstead Provisions. Bumstead green tomatoes ($4.50), Crafty Cow cheese curds ($7) and an didn’t work out for the owners, so they decided to airy version of fried pickles ($7) join them as appetizers. switch formats, turning the spot into a fried chickSaturday and Sunday bring out the brunch menu (served Hot Head en and Southern food palace. The narrow 11 a.m.-3 p.m.). Chicken and waffles ($10.50) is a given, with Fried Chicken focus of the menu compared to Bumstead’s a sweet waffles, two pieces of chicken and maple syrup. confused upscale deli is a welcome change. Southern breakfast biscuits ($11) are glorious in their ex2671 S. Kinnickinnic Ave. The fried chicken at Hot Head comes cess, but a cardiologist’s nightmare. A couple of biscuits are 414-808-0481 | $$ in four styles: traditional Southern Fried, topped with a chicken fried breakfast sausage patty, green hotheadwi.com Carolina Gold, Nashville Hot and 414 Fire. tomato, cheddar, fried egg and chicken gravy. Or, get your Handicapped Access: Yes All start out with buttermilk-soaked chicken chicken and waffle fix as a sandwich ($12.50) with sausage CC, FB, SB pieces that are battered and then deep fried. Beyond that, and eggs added. Whether you go to Hot Head for a weekHours: sauces are applied to create each style. It comes in platters of night dinner or a Saturday breakfast, any time is the right daily 11 a.m.-10:30 p.m. two to 16 pieces ($7-$30), served on white bread slices with a time for fried chicken.

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::BY JAMIE LEE RAKE

Posted on a wall near the bar at Explorium Brewpub (inside Southridge Mall, 5300 S. 76th St.) is a quotation from Roger von Oech. The toy maker-creativity expert’s observation about the necessity of exploration and travel certainly applies to the culinary adventure Explorium offers. The pub’s approach is exemplified by its imperial stout herder’s pie. Chunks of steak, carrots, peas and onions stewed in the dish’s namesake beer mingle beneath a layer of cheddar cheesy mashed red potatoes and topped with two strips of bacon. It offers a slightly smoky array of tastes and textures. Among Explorium’s other fare are three spicy preparations of black mussels, a Badger State-inspired cheese/bacon/tomato sandwich on bread encrusted with Parmesan and a dessert variation of Native American fry bread made from pizza dough and topped with powdered sugar and berries in a raspberry tequila sauce. Burgers include bison, black bean and turkey. Explorium produces all of its own beer in house, except for one gluten-free option, Green’s Quest Tripel Blonde Ale from Belgium. The décor is rich in brick and wood in an atmosphere veering toward the nautical. The ambiance befits Explorium’s portal from a suburban shopping mall into a unique culinary journey.

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SHEPHERD EXPRESS

DININGOUT::EAT/DRINK

::BY SHEILA JULSON

orner Bakery Café, a national fast-casual café franchise that originated in Chicago, has a new location that opened this past August in Shorewood at 1305 E. Capitol Drive. The building, which used to house Bakers Square, is situated near the Oak Leaf Trail and the Oak Leaf Trail Bridge. Brothers George, Dimitri and Peter Dimitropoulos, who own Corner Bakery Café locations in Wauwatosa and Pleasant Prairie, as well as the Culver’s on East Capitol Drive, did a modern remodeling of the building and are making the most of the unique location. “We want to cater to cyclists and runners that use the Oak Leaf Trail, so there are many amenities integrated into the design of the building,” said Peter. “We have ample bike parking, we’ve created a connection from the Oak Leaf Trail to Corner Bakery and we have a bicycle repair station. There’s also a water bottle ﬁlling station and a pet watering area. Shorewood is a very dog-friendly community and a lot of people use the Oak Leaf with their pets, so we thought that would be a nice thing to integrate.” The open space has large windows that overlook a 60-seat outdoor dining area and provide a front-seat view of The Ghost Train, a public art project that, through LED lights and sound, reenacts the historical Twin Cities 400 train that crossed that same location from 1935 through 1963. The display runs twice every evening at 7 and 7:15 p.m. Corner Bakery Café’s breakfast menu includes buttermilk pancakes, breakfast sandwiches, scramblers and fare for the healthconscious such as oatmeal with berries or dried fruits, or a berry and yogurt parfait. Breakfast is served all day. Lunch and dinner menus start at 11 a.m.

and are served until 10 p.m. Customers can choose fresh salads such as Harvest Salad or Asian Wonton; homemade soups served with a focaccia roll; several signature sandwiches like Uptown Turkey Avocado or Tuna Salad; Panini sandwiches; and several pasta dishes like hearty Mac & Three Cheese or Cavatappi Marinara. The menu includes several vegetarian options like California Grille Panini. The “Choose Any Two” option lets customers mix and match any two of the menu favorites for $8.79. There’s also a kids’ menu. All of the food is made fresh to order, and Peter said they have 40 fresh produce items delivered daily. There’s also a bakery with

COURTESY OF CORNER BAKERY CAFÉ

Corner Bakery Café Opens New Location in Shorewood

scratch-made cookies, pies, bars, brownies, rugalach and Bundt cake. If one is in a hurry, there’s a drive-through open during regular business hours. In addition, Corner Bakery Café has a separate catering division that operates seven days a week. The Dimitropoulos brothers grew up in the restaurant business; their parents were restaurateurs for 40 years. Peter, George and Dimitri all graduated from UW-Milwaukee with different degrees, but Peter said they never pursued careers in their degrees. “We all landed back in the restaurant business,” he said. They’ve owned the Culver’s in Shorewood for 15 years. “We were looking for another brand to continue to grow locally, which is how we came upon Corner Bakery.” Peter said they support local schools and churches through fundraising and sponsorships. “Shorewood is a fantastic community, and we really love operating here,” he enthused. “We have great team members who work really hard, and we’re proud of them. We’re big on fresh food, clean restaurants and great hospitality.” For more information, visit cornerbakerycafe.com.

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::SPORTS Why the Packers Need Aaron Rodgers ::BY PAUL NOONAN

ill Aaron Rodgers be back? The team has been teasing his return for weeks, having him throw the ball around during warm-ups and activating him for practice. Clay Matthews even stated that they should not have put him on IR. The team is signaling optimism, but at this point, it is still unclear if he is actually cleared to come back—or will any time soon. If the Packers want to have any chance at the playoffs they will absolutely need Rodgers because Brett Hundley is almost certainly not beating an above-average opponent. Hundley has barely beaten some of the NFL’s worst, and the remaining schedule is a gauntlet of good NFC teams. Even if Rodgers does return, running the table against Carolina, Detroit and Minnesota is no easy task.

Secondary Déjà vu Last season, a very good Packer team was unable to get past Atlanta because their secondary was in complete shambles, mostly due to injury, and the loss of Sam Shields in particular. This season, the Packers may get Rodgers back, but they’ve lost Kevin King to a seasonending shoulder injury, and Davon House is battling one of his own. Morgan Burnett was forced to play corner against Cleveland and, outside of Damarious Randall, everyone is either out of position, waiver-wire fodder or Josh Jones. The continued struggles of Ha Ha Clinton-Dix are not helping the situation and, while he did have a pick (and a pretty good one), he is still off the ball far too often. Clay Matthews can fix a lot of problems. Coming off his second outstanding game in a row, Matthews was everywhere against Browns Quarterback DeShone Kizer and the rest of the team, critically forcing an overtime interception that led directly to the Packers victory. While much of the Packers pass rush was a no-show against Kizer, Matthews has put a nice run together, and he will need to

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maintain that level of play, and stay healthy, for the defense to tread water. When we last left Rodgers, the offensive line was in shambles and struggling. While it is not back to the all-world form of 2016, it has drastically improved over the past several weeks, and Rodgers can expect to have time to throw. Against Atlanta in week two, the unheralded Kyle Murphy and Justin McCray started at the tackle positions. With David Bakhtiari healthy and Jason Spriggs rapidly improving, the line is as healthy as it will be for the remainder of the season. Rodgers can also expect the support of a dominant running attack, as Jamaal Williams and Aaron Jones provide the team with truly dynamic options out of the backfield, running with power, speed and chipping in very good receiving skills.

Davante Adams Before he was hurt, Rodgers was mostly stuck with an injured and ineffective Ty Montgomery, now on IR. Going forward, the offense can use everyone without any constraints. Most importantly, it is now clear that Davante Adams is by far the best receiver on the team, and when Rodgers returns, it is Adams who should consistently lead the team in targets: With Aaron Rodgers: 59% catch percentage; 12.39 yards per reception; 7.31 yards per target. With Brett Hundley: 66% catch percentage; 11.8 yards per reception; 7.5 yards per target. It’s always difficult to tell whether a receiver is good independent of a good quarterback. In the case of Jordy Nelson, it is clear that he is extremely dependent on Rodgers. Adams is a different story entirely. He has excelled in all phases with Hundley behind center, serving as a security blanket on short-to-medium passes and serving as the only credible Packers deep threat. Adams has put on a clinic of embarrassing defensive backs—hauling in poorly thrown balls and keeping drives alive. No Packer is more dangerous with the ball in his hands, and Rodgers should be better at loading him up with targets. If Rodgers’ return can bring Nelson back while taking advantage of Adams—while opponents’ defenses are forced to go big to stop Jamaal Williams—this team can put up a ton of points.

Carolina The Panthers pose an interesting challenge, and they are a good bet to derail the Packers playoff hopes. Cam Newton is a mobile quarterback willing to punish you with his legs, and the Panther receivers are more than capable of winning one-to-one matchups with a depleted Packer secondary. The defense is well balanced and stout against both the run and the pass. Given the state of the defense, it’s going to take a heroic effort on offense to win, and that’s likely to require some of Aaron Rodgers’ magic.

Holiday Gift Pages

KIKU Get your sushi cravings taken care of during the holidays. Kiku Japanese Restaurant offers delicious dining, takeout and delivery to the Milwaukee area and they are open Christmas Eve and Day and New Year’s Eve and Day. Their restaurant is known for its modern interpretation of classic dishes and its insistence on only using high-quality fresh ingredients. Bring your family and friends in or order online. To make reservations, call 414-270-1988.

KILWINS

Listed here are just a few local businesses in the area to explore and enjoy. Plus, visit our Online Holiday Gift Guide under the Around Milwaukee tab at shepherdexpress.com, then get shopping!

Chocolates, caramels, sundaes, fudge…my sweet tooth is beckoning. Kilwins has built a history of quality confections through their dedication to quality ingredients and the axiom of treating others as you wish to be treated. You can taste the difference. Have them create a box of treats or create your own to put your personal stamp on this sweet gift. Or, schedule an outing with family or friends to make fudge—yes, fudge! You make fudge from scratch in their copper kettle, then, paddle and loaf it. Everyone takes home a slice of fudge. It’s a sweet destination on cold days and a pleasant diversion with holiday guests. Shop their Bayshore location. You won’t be disappointed.

BALL ‘N BISCUIT

KNUCKLEHEADS

Browse pages 16-21 for holiday gifts that will make the season bright!

Baking and Cooking for your holiday parties can turn you into a Grinch. Let Ball ‘n Biscuit cater your event at your home or in an office. Ball ‘n Biscuit has something for everyone, from carnivores to vegans. They can cover a party of 10 to a party of 300. Did you know they use mostly organic, clean, homemade foods? They buy local as much as possible and are part of Braise Restaurant Supported Agriculture. Call 414-962-9779 and ask Ball ‘n Biscuit about their great holiday party menus and dinner parties.

BLUE ON GREENFIELD – SMOKE SHOP & WORLD GIFTS Blue offers a selection of items not to be found anywhere else. Shop their wide selection of incense, incense holders, world gifts, candles, flasks, apparel, totes, hats and so much more! Plus, check out their selection of pipes that are as beautiful as they are practical. They even have a 100-foot wall of them! Find your groove and get the ideas buzzing at Blue!

GARDEN OF EDEN KINGDOM LIVING Garden of Eden Kingdom Living provides their customers with all-natural products: hot sauce, dressing, syrups, soups, seasoning and juices. They promote a healthy eating and drinking life style to their customers by keeping their natural products in their richest forms.

INVIVO Holiday Shopping can be difficult. All you want is to get that perfect gift for that special someone. Head on over to Invivo and pick up a gift card. Massage…check, workout class…check, just an overall amazing feeling of wellness….check check and check. Invivo’s certified practitioners work together to deliver skilled and effective wellness solutions just for you and your loved ones. Call 414-265-5606 today!

Love to vape or have a smoker (of any sort—you know who you are) or cigar lover in your life? This is the store for you! Give the gift they’ll actually savor with e-liquids, tobacco and papers, cigars, and the most beautiful blown-glass hookahs and pipes. Plus, the knowledgeable staff will help you with your purchase or to explore and taste some of their wares.

LANDMARKS GALLERY Landmarks Gallery offers an array of paintings at reasonable prices by artists from around the world. With the largest selection in town of frames and mats, their custom framing service can add distinction to your artwork or family photos.

MARCUS CENTER FOR THE PERFORMING ARTS When they open the gift of a Marcus Center gift card, they’re getting so much more than the usual gift. You’ll open their world to the arts. A gift card is their ticket to and glimpse inside the wonderful worlds of the Milwaukee Ballet, Florentine Opera, Milwaukee Symphony Orchestra, First Stage, Broadway or Off Broadway. The music, the dance, the drama, the laughter…watch their eyes light up! Gift cards are available in any amount from $10 and up. Give them a memory; give them the gift of the arts.

PENINSULA PLAYERS The 2018 season is almost here, and you don’t want to miss a show! The Peninsula Players are “America’s Oldest Professional Summer Theatre.” Located in Door County, the campus is stunning, and they stage shows so professional you won’t believe it’s not Broadway. Peninsula Players: “Where the sun sets, the curtain rises and the stars shine.” Single tickets go on sale March 1, 2018, or you can purchase gift certificates right now, 24 hours a day, so you can give the gift of theater in a beautiful setting. See our ad or visit us online at peninsulaplayers.com. Now, on with the show! SHEPHERD EXPRESS

SALVATION ARMY Attend the Red Kettle Christmas Spectacular Thursday, Dec. 21 at the Wisconsin Club. Be transported on waves of music and support the Salvation Army’s mission to help those who need it most in our community. Visit redkettlecs.com to purchase your tickets for this sparkling event. Or, join us for the Free 28th Annual Christmas Family Feast on Monday, Dec. 25 from 11am-2:30pm at the Wisconsin Center.

SKYLIGHT MUSIC THEATER Spend the holidays with Annie at Skylight Music Theatre! Bring the whole family to this heartwarming Broadway musical that has won seven Tony Awards and captivated audiences with a beloved story and an inspiring score, featuring the unforgettable hit song, “Tomorrow.” Skylight Music Theatre is located in the heart of the Historic Third Ward, just steps away from Christmas in the Ward, local boutiques, dining, the Milwaukee Public Market and more!

toy parties―ideal for those sassy gatherings with the girls or boys. You’ll learn a lot, too!

WISCONSIN STATE FAIR Don’t forget about the fair! In Wisconsin, the State Fair is the highlight of the summer and something to look forward to during the long winter months. It’s the perfect to get your tickets! Now through Dec. 31, buy your tickets and save 50%. Get individual tickets for $7 and Fair Bundles for $40 (includes four tickets, six cream puffs and a bargain book!). Buy online at wistatefair.com or at Milwaukeearea Bank Mutual offices. Deck their halls and fill their gifts with tickets to the State Fair. We’ll see you there!

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THE JEWELERS GUILD The Jewelers Guild has been created for access and success. It was made and designed for jewelers by jewelers. The Jewelers Guild is a multifaceted store, classroom and workshop. At The Jewelers Guild, their promise is to offer classes for all ages as well as to showcase aspiring and accomplished jewelers. Begin or continue your jewelry education at The Jewelers Guild. We provide access to state-of-the-art equipment and give jewelers the opportunity to sell their jewelry in their very own showcase. Our showroom spotlights exceptional jewelers in our community. Learn, Create Sell, that is The Jewelers Guild.

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TOOL SHED It’s a pleasure to shop at the Tool Shed. The staff really knows their stuff, and they have a wide assortment of products―no matter what you need, from eggs and bullets to sexy lingerie (it’s all inclusive, too). You know someone in your life who just craves a gift from the Tool Shed. It’s more than toys, though. Their educated staff offers public workshops and, coming soon, individual consultations for those who need that one-on-one time with a sexuality educator. They also offer classes and in-store

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201 8 SEASON JUNE 12 to JULY 1

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The world première of a magical comedy-drama by Sean Grennan. A touching, funny and unbelievable story about aspirations and love.

JULY 4 to JULY 22

Gift Certificates, Season Subscriptions, Group and Individual Tickets Available by phone at 920.868.3287

“Wonderful theater! Hard to believe this is not Broadway!”

Miss Holmes

A riveting murder mystery by Christopher M. Walsh. Based on characters by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. A new Sherlock Holmes case but with a definite twist.

JULY 25 to AUGUST 12

The Drowsy Chaperone

By Lisa Lambert, Don McKellar, Bob Martin and Greg Morrison. A delightfully smart and funny Jazz Age musical with show-stopping song and dance numbers.

AUGUST 15 to SEPTEMBER 2

Living on Love Individual tickets may be purchased online beginning March 1. Gift Certificate orders may be placed online 24 hours a day.

June 12 - October 14

920.868.3287 • www.PeninsulaPlayers.com Between Egg Harbor & Fish Creek

By Joe DiPietro, based on the play Peccadillo by Garson Kanin. A sparkling and hilarious new comedy in which sparks fly, silverware is thrown and mad romance blossoms.

SEPTEMBER 5 to OCTOBER 14

Salvage

An intriguing drama by Joseph Zettelmaier that twists like a corkscrew. A mysterious woman enters a collectibles shop where the owner finds himself drawn into romance and much, much more.

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::A&E

SPONSORED BY

Tune in at 8 a.m. every Wednesday for “Arts Express”

VISUALART|PREVIEW

Advertisements of Yesteryear Enjoy Second Life in MAM’s ‘Designing Paris’::BY TYLER FRIEDMAN

P Greg Klassen, Plants, 2017

VISUALART|REVIEW

Villa Terrace’s ‘Back to School’ is Not a Remedial Course ::BY KAT KNEEVERS

hile rummaging through the depths of a closet, you might come across something you made a long while ago. An ancient drawing, a scrawled effort of a poem or scraps of songs, and realize that these echo in your current work. The artists in “Back to School,” on view at The Villa Terrace Decorative Arts Museum, are part of an exhibition that is like a friendly show-and-tell about the trajectory of an artistic career. The premise is that examples of their student 28 | D E C E M B E R 1 4 , 2 0 1 7

or early work are shown alongside their more current projects. Participants are at widely varied stages of their careers. JoAnna Poehlmann, now in her mid-80s, still glows with enthusiasm in describing her practice, while other artists are yet at a nascent stage, self-described as still emerging in their professional capacity. For the viewer, an immediate point of interest may be in guessing which pieces are earlier and which are later. However, what becomes even more insightful is musing on the threads that seem to span time. In his images of his father, Jon Horvath bridges photographs, with ironic twists on a superhero archetype, to a Sisyphean video of water balloon tossing between father and son. An important aspect of this show is that it highlights unfamiliar facets of an artist’s practice. Nina Ghanbarzadeh is well known for her conceptual work using Farsi text, taking her native language as a visual and metaphorical motif. A current piece, fashioned in a ball of dried acrylic paint, features the repeated phrase “I am alive,” inspired by the poet Rumi. She also shows an early two-paneled painting on canvas, The Crowd, a street scene from her native Iran. It introduces her background as a painter, and thematically connects her current work and connection to heritage. “Back to School” offers a brief glimpse into a longer sense of evolution, an acknowledgement that the work and interests we have today are inevitably part of the path that creates our future. All of our past and present efforts are inevitably carried with us, whether in physical or remembered form. Through Jan. 28, 2018 at Villa Terrace Decorative Arts Museum, 2220 N. Terrace Ave.

osters of yesteryear have survived against the odds. Created to advertise specific events, posters thus came with a built-in expiration date. But planned obsolescence occasionally gives way to unplanned collectability, and one man’s ephemera is another man’s objet d’art. The posters of Jules Chéret (1836-1932) have long outlived their initial function, and although the concerts, plays and aperitifs he advertised belong to the past, the vibrant imagery of “the father of the modern poster” continues to resonate in the present. Earlier this year, the Milwaukee Art Museum received a gift of more than 500 Chéret posters from local collectors Susee and James Wiechmann. “Designing Paris: The Posters of Jules Chéret” presents a selection of Chéret’s works, transporting viewers back to Paris during la Belle Époque. The exhibition is on view Dec. 15 through April 29, 2018. Jules Chéret, Bal du Moulin Rouge, 1889 PROMISED GIFT OF JAMES AND SUSEE WIECHMANN

“UWM Design Entrepreneur Showcase 2017”

Kenilworth Square East | 1925 E. Kenilworth Place Art. Design. The boundaries are porous and often unwarranted. Good design is aesthetically pleasing, and art can be utilitarian while also worthy of disinterested contemplation. The marriage of functionality and beauty is foregrounded in the “UWM Design Entrepreneur Showcase 2017,” which presents the innovative products and services developed by seniors in the Design and Visual Communication program to address issues in water, energy, ecology, mental health, education, food and transportation. The projects are on display on Thursday, Dec. 14 from 5-9 p.m. Opening remarks take place at 6 p.m., during which DVC Pitch Competition winners will be announced.

“Questions About Anger//Goodbye” and “After Market: Holiday Edition” After Gallery | 2225 N. Humboldt Ave.

“Nicole and Zach are angry. Emily and Kate are leaving.” Find out about the hubbub in “Questions About Anger//Goodbye,” a series of investigative solos, duets and quartets curated by Emily Bartsch, Zach Byron Schorsch, Kate Slezak and Nicole Spence. Performances take place on Saturday, Dec. 16, at the After Gallery. Shows are at 7 and 9 p.m. with a $5 recommended donation. From 10 a.m. to 5 p.m., the After Gallery will streamline gift shopping with a holiday market comprised of local artists and makers with wares priced under $125.

SHEPHERD EXPRESS

A&E::BOOKS

BOOK |PREVIEW

WISCONSIN’S BRAVE VOICE OF PROGRESS ::BY JENNI HERRICK

ver the past century, our daily news sources have undergone tremendous change and since the beginning of the current millennia, many print newspapers have fallen on increasingly hard times. A Pew Research Center analysis showed that total weekly circulation for U.S. daily newspapers— both print and digital—fell 8% in 2016, marking the 28th consecutive year of decline. Today, in a media climate rife with fake news and celebrity gossip, where sensationalism often trumps hard-hitting journalism, one state paper is celebrating its 100th anniversary with the same passionate commitment to progressive ideals that it had when it was founded in Madison in 1917. The Capital Times has served as a voice of everyday people since its inception, strongly opposing the decisions of powerful government leaders, business interests and advocates of war. Now a new book published by the Wisconsin Historical Society recalls the remarkable, long-running history of a newspaper that began as a tribute to Progressive state politician Robert La Follette, and which has gone on to champion civil rights causes, anti-war efforts, women’s and LGBTQ rights, and other social justice issues. In The Capital Times: A Proudly Radical Newspaper’s Century-Long Fight for Peace and Justice, Cap Times editors Dave Zweifel and John Nichols demonstrate how progressive principles took root in the American Midwest among farmers, factory workers and teachers. Nichols, a national correspondent for The Nation, a commentator for the BBC and an editor at The Cap Times for more than 20 years, will speak at the East Branch of the Milwaukee Public Library at 6 p.m. on Wednesday, Dec. 20.

SHEPHERD EXPRESS

A&E::OFFTHECUFF

Renaissance Theaterworks’ New Managing Director OFF THE CUFF WITH LISA RASMUSSEN ::BY SELENA MILEWSKI

his fall, Renaissance Theaterworks promoted its longtime director of development, Lisa Rasmussen, to the position of managing director. In her previous capacity, Rasmussen helped increase Renaissance Theaterworks’ income by 120% and celebrated the company’s 25th year of debt-free operation. Off the Cuff interviewed her to learn more about her work at the company so far and her goals going forward.

Looking back at your tenure as development director, please describe one or two of your projects or accomplishments of which you’re most proud. I’m really proud of helping develop Br!NK [New Play Festival]. Being able to see what it means to the playwrights to have a home and develop their work, to have their work and profession be so honored and to have such valuable insights poured into their work, has been amazing. It’s shocking that 20% or less of the plays produced in the U.S. are written by women. Br!NK has been our real answer to making the statistics different here. PEARLS for Teen Girls has been such an inspiration as well. We offer collaboration opportunities that they help design so it matters more to them and to their girls. This year, we’re launching the Fran Bauer Young Critics Project. Getting to know PEARLS as a community group is just so special … It’s almost like PEARLS has found the cure for cancer in terms of what they’ve done for teen pregnancy rates and empowerment for young women. What’s been most challenging? Nonprofits are hard. Everyone pitches in; everyone paints the set if we need it; everyone ushers; everyone schleps stuff everywhere. The challenges are not enough space and not enough money, but feeling the community support when donations start coming in at the end of the calendar year or feeling a part of something bigger in Milwaukee—whether it’s through all the UPAF events or getting to know other nonprofits and other corporations through board leaders—that just can’t be replaced. What are some of your top goals for the company going forward? I think we’re still the best-kept secret in Milwaukee theater, and that kind of breaks our hearts, but everybody, including the board and the staff, has a laser focus on changing that, and it’s been turning. Toward that goal, Suzan [Fete, RTW artistic director] and I are the co-host chairs of the Statera Foundation National Conference that we’re bringing to town for the first time. “Statera” is Latin for “balance.” It was founded five years ago with an eye toward gender balance in the theater, and they do a convention every year. I think things like that—where we create awareness about the gender disparity—give us a wider platform to talk about what we’ve been doing about it. Our next plan is to start engaging—poking other theater companies and other businesses and partnering with the Greater Milwaukee Committee to say, “Gender balance is an issue across many different types of organizations. Here’s what we’re doing. What can you do?” We’re the second-oldest theater company in the nation dedicated to gender balance … It’s important to let people know that, for example, this is where Laura Gordon started directing … and where Lisa Schlenker, who’s in props at Skylight Music Theatre, first started designing sets. We gave them an opportunity because it’s hard to trust someone for the first time. That’s what we’re all passionate about.

Lisa Rasmussen

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::HEARMEOUT ASK RUTHIE | UPCOMING EVENTS | PAUL MASTERSON

::ASKRUTHIE

Fa-La-La Lovely Dear Ruthie,

Christmas is here and money is tight. I want to look extra cute when hitting holiday parties, but I can’t swing any extra coin right now. What’s a girl to do when she wants to look her best but can’t afford to?

Any ideas? Basic Betty

Dear Betty,

Do I have any ideas?! No…I don’t. That said, I reached out to my gal-pal Nova Grober-Beschta, co-owner of Salon Nova & Lash Boutique, 2581 N. Downer Ave. I knew Nova would have a few ideas on sprucing up your holiday look for less, and gosh-darn it, I was right! “Ask your salon about blowouts and styles, and schedule them shortly before you hit your

holiday party, “says Nova. “This will give you a fresh look for less than a cut and color.” Nova also suggested asking about makeup lessons. “At Salon Nova, we’ll give you a makeup lesson with a $50 makeup purchase.” Again, Betty, if you schedule your time correctly, you can arrive at that big bash looking great for little cost. Since Nova’s salon is known for lashes, I knew she’d have a few secrets up her sleeve regarding making your eyes merry and bright. “Try a lash lift,” Nova suggests. “It’s like a perm for your lashes. For about $25, you’ll have great, flirty lashes. Or, consider a lash tint for about the same price. For even less, you might want to consider a simple brow design that will complement your face and get your noticed!” I hope that helps, Betty. Call your salon and see what they suggest for a gal on a budget, or give Salon Nova & Lash Boutique a jingle at 414-273-6682 and take advantage of Nova’s holiday know-how. Hopefully, I’ll see you out and about at one of the exciting events on my social calendar this week.

::MYLGBTQ

Point of View

Milwaukee Metropolitan Church Offers Light for the Holidays ::BY PAUL MASTERSON

Working every day to build a pro-fairness business community in Wisconsin

Join more than 470 businesses and organizations as a member today Memberships start at $100 per year Learn more at www.WisLGBTChamber.com 30 | D E C E M B E R 1 4 , 2 0 1 7

s the holidays approach, just like everybody else, Milwaukee’s LGBTQ community is in a frenzy of celebrations. There’s so much to get done: baking cookies, gift shopping, party planning and all the rest. The bars are decorated with care and homes, often, with over-the-top abandon. For many of us there’s also a spiritual component. But, since many mainstream religions reject LGBTQ people outright, we’ve had to seek other means to keep that particular light in our lives. Some have turned to alternatives like the Winter Solstice. Others put an LGBTQ take on their traditional religious celebrations. One church, the Metropolitan Community Church (MCC), has been serving the spiritual needs of the LGBTQ community for almost half a century. MCC was founded in Los Angeles in 1968 by clergy who were defrocked for coming out as gay. They created their own denomination,

::RUTHIE’SSOCALCALENDAR Dec. 13: Milwaukee Area Coffee Connection at The Brewhouse Inn & Suites (1215 N. 10th St.): Rise and shine! The Wisconsin LGBT Chamber of Commerce hosts this 8 a.m. networking opportunity. They’ll bring the coffee, you bring the conversation to the free one-hour meet-and-greet for likeminded business owners. Dec. 13: Holiday Party at Taylors (795 N. Jefferson St.): Festive (in other words, “free”) food, frosty drink specials, favorite guest DJ and fun with friends are the specials during this incredible holiday bar at one of the city’s most-loved martini bars. Try a seasonal “Starry Night” beverage and spread a little cheer, starting at 4 p.m. Dec. 13: Opening Night of ‘Arsenic and Old Lace’ at Off the Wall Theatre (127 E. Wells St.): Spend the holidays with the infamous Brewster sisters! Dale Gutzman brings the Joseph Kesselring classic to his popular stage for a yuletide that will keep folks of all ages giggling and gasping at the same time. Grab some elderberry wine and take in the fun through Dec. 31. See zivacat.com/offthewalltheatre for show times and tickets. Dec. 16: Book Launch for ‘Not the Son He Expected: Gay Men Talk Candidly About their Relationship with their Father’ at Whitefish Bay Library (5420 N. Marlborough Drive): Local author Tim Clausen shares his latest book, exploring relationships between gay men and their fathers. Autographed copies available as well as lots of stimulating conversation, apple cider and snacks. The intriguing presentation begins at 2 p.m. Dec. 16: A Very Merry D.I.X.-mas at D.I.X. (739 S. First St.): Time for dancing. Time for drag. Time for D.I.X.-mas! Jaymes Mansfield of “Ru Paul” fame hits Brew Town to usher in the holidays with this 9 p.m. bash. Take advantage of the drink specials and dance the night away at the no-cover party. Dec. 17: Mind, Body & Mimosas at Gibraltar (538 W. National Ave.): Shake the holiday stress with some yoga…and Champaign. A $25 door fee gets you into the 45-minute yoga session, followed by complimentary mimosa and a five-minute massage. (Sign me the hell up!) You’ll also find drink specials after yoga as well as live music. The stretching, sweating and sipping begins at 2 p.m. sharp. Dec. 19: Men’s Coming Out Group at Milwaukee LGBT Community Center (1110 N. Market St.): Need a safe place to discuss the feelings surrounding your sexuality? Attend this 6-7:30 p.m. support group that’s free and open to all over the age of 18. Contact Cathy at cseasholes@mkelgbt.org for more information. Want to share an event with Ruthie? Need her advice on a situation? Email DearRuthie@ Shepex.com. Be sure to follow her on Facebook (Ruthie Keester) and Twitter (@DearRuthie).

unaffiliated with any other church. Today MCC serves 300 congregations in 22 countries. It is also credited with having inspired the very first LGBT Jewish synagogue, Beth Chayim Chadashim. Always on the forefront of issues and social justice, during early years of HIV/AIDS it was one of few faith traditions that did hospital visitations, funerals and burials. The Milwaukee MCC was established in 1971. It is the city’s third-oldest LGBTQ organization. Its history is one of slow but sure growth and progress. Over its first 25 years, it held services in various locations, changing pastors and its name a couple of times before taking its current name in 1993. Five years later, it purchased a building on the South Side at 12th and Mineral streets (an offer was made on another location but the owner declined the sale when he found out who the prospective buyers were, saying he’d rather torch the building than sell it to gays). It was the first community organization to own property. A simple, no frills church, it still has the classical amenities of any house of worship with stained glass windows (created by a parishioner) framing an altar and lectern. Installed in June 2016, MCC’s pastor, Rever-

end Tory Topjian is working to develop his congregation and raise its profile. “The mission is to minister God’s will, magnify God’s dominion, celebrate God’s love and cherish God’s people and vision,” he explains, adding that “being part of a non-dogmatic faith tradition, but following lines of Christian teaching, we’re religious and spiritual. Everyone is welcome as they are. The congregation represents a full spectrum, LGBTQ and straight, embodying that sense of equality. It is a vibrant, inclusive, progressive community of faith.” In keeping with that mission MCC hosts POZ Spirit, a monthly gathering for HIV/AIDSpositive men as well as offering a TransMKE ministry. For the holidays, Topjian admits, “On a whole, the MCC worship service is not going to be your grandmother’s. It is a blend of the old and familiar with the new.” For Advent and Christmas, his preaching series includes topics like “Christmas: It’s not your birthday” and “Giving up on Perfection.” On Christmas Eve there’s a candlelight service themed “Heaven’s Light Shines—Celebrating the Entry of Christ.” Particularly in these stressful times, a certain LGBTQ fellowship might be just what we need.

SHEPHERD EXPRESS

::MUSIC

FEATURE | ALBUM REVIEWS | CONCERT REVIEWS | LOCAL MUSIC

Apollo Vermouth – Crashing

MELISSA LEE JOHNSON

Into Nowhere

Ambient music is an acquired taste that most people will never bother acquiring. Even its biggest aficionados would admit that the genre doesn’t sell itself, and it can be hard to articulate why, exactly, anybody would want to listen to music that sounds like an LP mistakenly played at about 8 rpm. With Crashing Into Nowhere, though, Apollo Vermouth proves that “ambient” doesn’t automatically mean “difficult.” She makes her unhurried washes of sound feel as comforting as a mug of hot chocolate on a frigid January day, blanketing the listener with hope and warmth. A pair of dreamy tracks with guest vocals hint at the more traditional pop directions Apollo Vermouth could explore in the future, but this music is already so sumptuous and openly emotional as it is you don’t need to understand it to be moved by it.

BoodahDARR – Cheat Codes

THE ESSENTIAL MILWAUKEE ALBUMS OF 2017

::BY EVAN RYTLEWSKI

hese lists get harder to compile each year. After going through something of a rebuild four or five years ago, the Milwaukee music scene is once again in playoff form, but the downside of having so much established talent is it doesn’t leave a lot of room on the roster for rookies. As a result, there are even more perennials than usual on this year’s list: About half of the acts here have appeared on it before, and they’re all so good at what they do that it probably won’t be the last appearance for most of them. But just as exciting are the acts appearing for the first time—the ones just now coming into their own that manage to stand out despite the very crowded playing field. What follows is by no means a comprehensive list of the best Milwaukee music released this year (it doesn’t include any of the excellent EPs that came out this year), but for listeners looking to sample what the local scene had to offer in 2017, from established brands and upstart talent alike, these 15 albums are a fine place to start.

SHEPHERD EXPRESS

For years, Milwaukee’s Cream City Motion crew has been defined by one rapper with major star potential, IshDARR, but 2017 was the year that IshDARR’s peers stepped up in a big way, proving they deserve a place in the spotlight, too. On his assured full-length project, Cheat Codes, BoodahDARR casts himself as an authoritative, cold-blooded counterpart to IshDARR’s charismatic everyman, channeling the nihilistic spirit of trap music with his terse prose. Visionary beat maker Canis Major once again proves himself Cream City Motion’s great secret weapon, producing the tape’s entire first half and toying with some of his wildest sounds yet, pushing his synths to fantastic extremes on a pair of gnarly early-’80s horror homages, “Track Day” and “Pretenders.”

The Fatty Acids – Dogs of

Entertainment

The Fatty Acids historically have taken a busier-thebetter approach to record making. Each of their previous albums has been a circus, performed with all the subtly and understatement of a Japanese game show; listen to them in the wrong mood, and they’ll seriously stress you out. Compared to its predecessors, though, Dogs of Entertainment is a relatively restrained reimagining of the group’s carnival rock, scaling back the hyperactive whimsy to mourn a society that sometimes seems like it’s gone to seed. “Don’t you feel discouraged, it’s the age we’re in,” the group sings on the buoyant “Ghostess.” Leave it to a crazed band to offer comfort in a crazed world. Albums continued on next page >

D E C E M B E R 1 4 , 2 0 1 7 | 31

For more MUSIC, log onto shepherdexpress.com > Albums continued from previous page

Fox Face – Spoil + Destroy

Like much of the country, Fox Face found themselves feeling a whole lot more fired up in the wake of Donald Trump’s election. On Spoil + Destroy, the riot grrrl-indebted group wears their politics on their sleeve, concentrating their anger into one of the most pointed Milwaukee punk albums in years and taking particular aim at a patriarchy that minimizes women and enables leering, abusive men. The album was timelier than they could have imagined—its release predated the entertainment industry’s great predator purge by a few weeks— but its rage is universal.

Abby Jeanne – Rebel Love

Milwaukee wailer Abby Jeanne has a robust, jazzy voice that rivals the greats—Ella, Amy, even Janis—and her solo debut Rebel Love delights in showing off every facet of it. It often plays like a talent reel, shuffling through bluesy torch songs, moody trip-hop experiments and unhinged rockers, the constant thread being Jeanne’s go-for-broke determination and her refusal to let the world wear her down. What an absolute thrill it is hearing a singer this powerful just cut loose, free of any genre restraints.

Luxi – Geometric Universe

Now this is what it’s all about: that exact moment when everything about a musician’s sound clicks and suddenly their whole world seems limitless. After several promising albums of introverted electro-pop, singer-producer Luxi dialed up the volume on her ebullient Geometric Universe, adorning her celestial pop songs with lacy R&B melodies and hungry drum ’n’ bass injections. Equally fit for headphones and club speakers, the production awes, but Luxi’s songwriting is what really sticks; she brings a fierce edge to even the album’s dreamiest, most lovelorn tunes. It’s rare that albums this intimate sound this massive.

Midnight Reruns – Spectator Sports

Midnight Reruns have always invited comparisons to their idols The Replacements, even going so far as to record their last album, 2015’s Force of Nurture, with Tommy Stinson. Inevitably, some of those usual Replacements undertones carry through their third album, Spectator Sports—like the Minneapolis greats, they have a gift for brevity, firing off one snappy guitar lick after another. But all those Replacement comparisons too often overshadow the band’s own scrappy charm, as well as what a distinctive, personable songwriter frontman Graham Hunt has grown into. On Spectator Sports, his pointed tunes about hard luck, dejection and the humiliations of daily life are sharper and wittier than ever. Now if only they weren’t so relatable.

32 | D E C E M B E R 1 4 , 2 0 1 7

Milo – who told you to think??!!?!?!?!

“Ghiath Matar is dead / Roses are not armor / In my neighborhood, it was become a poet or a farmer,” Milo raps on who told you to think??!!?!?!?!’s opener “Poet (Black Bean).” And so begins another indelible, intoxicatingly dense meditation on art, philosophy, beauty, existence, consumption and survival. As funny and irreverent as the album can be—and, to be sure, for all its sophistication, who told you to think is an absolute joyride, his most capricious project yet—Milo never lets the listener forget that as a black man, there’s always a target on his back. “Guess I’ll keep rapping until they toe-tag me,” he raps, with characteristic understatement. Don’t let his unraised voice fool you; this is hip-hop at its most defiant.

Platinum Boys – Buzz

Another band might lay it on too thick. Platinum Boys’ thrill-seeking, girl-chasing, powder-snorting brand of rock ’n’ roll could easily come across as a grating shtick if it were performed by anyone other than the Platinum Boys, but the Milwaukee rockers have a gift for turning hedonistic tendencies into effortlessly gleeful ear candy. Cleverly produced by Tenement’s Amos Pitsch, who lends the record the same artificial, eight-bit studio slickness that every rock ’n’ roll record had circa 1981, Buzz is lovably euphoric—a PG-rated celebration of a decidedly R-rated lifestyle.

s.al – Little Man,

You’ve Had a Busy Day

Some of the most exciting rap is hard and uncompromising, unrepentantly in your face. But the perennially mellow Milwaukee rapper-producerpoet s.al (formerly and sometimes Safari Al) mines the other extreme, rapping as if he’s just finished an especially relaxing shavasana. “Easily distressed and excellent at managing distress,” he sings on Little Man, You’ve Had a Busy Day’s opener “winner + raps,” over a kinetic yet soft-edged breakbeat. We could all use a little bit of that kind of Zen in our lives, and on this soothing, relentlessly entertaining head trip of an album, s.al spreads it around generously.

Soul Low – Cheer Up

Milwaukee indie-rockers Soul Low have been mainstays of lists like these for so many years that it’s easy to take them for granted, yet each year they manage to introduce a new spin on their instantly ingratiating sound. Toning down the nerviness and tension of 2016’s Nosebleeds, their most difficult album by a mile, Cheer Up, shows off the band’s lighter side, delivering a shot of serotonin that makes good on the promise of its title. That there’s a sarcastic edge to the record’s triple-frosted chipperness does nothing to diminish its potency. Soul Low have come through with one hell of a pick-me-up.

Telethon – The Grand Spontanean

A 30-track, nearly 90-minute rock opera is a big ask, especially coming from a band you’ve probably never heard of that flirts with a style of music you may or may not look down upon, pop-punk. But Telethon’s great trick on The Grand Spontanean is making it all go down so easy without ever repeating themselves—track after track whizzes by, introducing one new trick after another, be it the infectious keyboards on the Weezer-sheened “Succinct, The Optimist,” the E-Street Bandstyle saxophone on “The Runner’s High” or the heavenly Laura Stevenson guest spot on “On Companionship.” Most audaciously, there’s even an album within an album, a quick three minute ska-punk EP from an imaginary band called the Improbable New Sensations. That’s just the right amount of ska-punk.

Township – Impact Bliss

Though they can’t resist the occasional, dramatic guitar eruption, the Milwaukee dream-pop quartet Township spend most of their debut full-length Impact Bliss locked in a leisurely, luxurious daze. The group takes cues from some of the giants of slowcore and shoegaze— bands like Codeine, My Bloody Valentine and Hum—but manages the trick of turning those familiar sounds into something that feels enchantingly new filling songs like “Turquoise Kiss” and “Sleeping in a Bed of Roses” with serene imagery. Even its grungiest moments radiate uncommon grace.

WebsterX – Daymares

No Milwaukee rapper knows how to make a single an event like WebsterX. For the last several years, he’s come through with some truly mammoth ones—unforgettable tracks that are cinematic in their attention to detail yet hit with the brute impact of a wrecking ball. Until now we’ve only heard him in short exposures, but on his full-length debut Daymares, a chronical of overcoming depression and “crawling back to happiness,” he proves he can sustain that intensity over an entire album, pushing his sputtery, impassioned flow to its limit. There’s no other rapper remotely like him.

Whips – The Ride

Always ones to get to the point, Milwaukee rockers Whips go straight for the jugular on their sophomore fulllength. From Ashley Smith’s titanic howl to Christian Hansen’s pressure-cooked guitars and drummer Andy Mrotek’s pulverizing drums, nearly every instrument sounds like it’s been projected through a megaphone. And although the band prefers to play their brand of rock ’n’ roll straight, traces of post-hardcore and dance-punk can’t help but creep in from time to time, lending an extra jolt of jittery energy to songs that are already dangerously overheated. For a playlist of songs from these albums, visit shepherdexpress. com.

SHEPHERD EXPRESS

MUSIC::CONCERTREVIEW

We Reviewed the Cam’ron Concert that Cam’ron Didn’t Show Up To

::BY THOMAS MICHALSKI

t this point, one thing that Cam’ron fans are well accustomed to is waiting. In fact, during the four-year hiatus separating his last studio album and his solid, somewhat unexpected new mixtape, The Program, there were not only precious few indications that new music would be forthcoming anytime soon, the sometimes eccentric MC often hinted that he’d actually given up the rap game for good. The announced release date for Purple Haze 2, the already long-in-the-works sequel to his 2004 magnum opus and a natural enough swan song, came and went a couple years back, and interviews increasingly focused on his ambitions in the movie business, leading many to write of him as being retired. The patient faithful however, turned up Tuesday night to Turner Hall Ballroom ready to welcome him back, but, unfortunately, they had waited in vain. While the crowd wasn’t exactly huge—nicely filling up the tables scattered across the back half of the hall but leaving the ostensible dancefloor completely deserted—it was obvious from the chatter that most were devoted fans of the Dipset founding father. This enthusiasm staved off any grumbling as 90 minutes elapsed after the show’s supposed start time without anyone so much as a sound guy stepping onstage. At one point, the canned background music abruptly stopped, only to start up a moment later with Cypress Hill’s “How I Could Just Kill a Man.” At another, a woman skootched her chair a little too close to a small ledge along the southside of the venue and slipped to the floor, enduring some gentle ribbing as her friends helped her back up. Exciting stuff. After an hour-and-a-half of sheer boredom, without even the benefit of a hacky, perfunctory “DJ” who usually keeps hip-hop crowds warmed up, the music started in earnest, and that’s when things went from bad to worse. As a few helpers clumsily erected signs emblazoned with their all their social media handles, the duo Jae Mansa took the stage with a distinct lack of hype; the audience only really taking notice when they led off a chant of “Fuck Donald Trump!” which just so happens to be the name of their new mixtape. Once the shared hatred of our sitting president was established, however, they made little impact with their 15-minute set, often stepping on each other’s rhymes and letting songs peter out where they should have an exclamation point. Yet really, few acts could make much of an impression with just 15 minutes and an indifferent, borderline-hostile audience to work with, and the one that followed them just sort of proved that point. Truth is, he came and went so quickly that I couldn’t even catch his name (clearly heard him describe his appellation as “like ‘Colorado’”; try Googling that), which is a shame, since he did manage briefly to inject a modicum of energy into the crowd. After playing his “last” song, someone walked on from the wings and whispered something in his ear, and despite the audience’s lackluster reaction, he did one more, after which he awkwardly turned back to the mic and said Cam’ron would be on in “5 minutes.” There was something in his tone that sounded like an apology. A few minutes later, a voice came over the PA, announcing that Cam’ron’s “flight was delayed” and that he would be in the building and ready to perform in about 45 minutes. To make up for the inconvenience, they offered up a round of Millers on the house, but many opted to simply leave altogether. Other, thirstier patrons soon followed suit, leaving a couple dozen people hanging around with a palpable sense of resignation. Being a diligent journalist (and never one to turn down a free beer), I stuck around as the inevitable dawned on more and more. Eventually, the voice of god returned, officially proclaiming that Cam’ron would not be performing tonight, and full refunds were being dispensed at the door. Turns out Cam’ron’s Milwaukee fans will have to wait a little bit longer.

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MUSIC::LISTINGS THURSDAY, DECEMBER 14

Amelia’s, Jackson Dordel Jazz Quintet (4pm) Angelo’s Piano Lounge, Acoustic Guitar Night Art*Bar, Comedy Open Mic Cafe Carpe (Fort Atkinson), Lamplighter: Peter Mulvey, Mike Mangione & Sista Strings County Clare Irish Inn & Pub, Acoustic Irish Folk w/Barry Dodd Frank’s Power Plant, Dick Satan Trio w/El Wrongo & Mechanical Life Vein Jazz Estate, Cigarette Break Linneman’s Riverwest Inn, Hood Smoke Mason Street Grill, Mark Thierfelder Jazz Trio (5:30pm) Miller Time Pub, Joe Kadlec Miramar Theatre, Ubuntu Experience w/Psymbionic Deerskin & Elucidate (ages 17-plus, 9pm) Motor Bar & Restaurant, Holiday Bike Night w/The WhiskeyBelles O’Donoghues Irish Pub (Elm Grove), The All-Star SUPERband (6pm) Paulie’s Field Trip, LJ and Bill Potawatomi Hotel & Casino, In Bar 360: Myles Wangerin (8pm), In the Fire Pit: Hillbilly Casino’s Santabilly Boogie (8:30pm) Rave / Eagles Club, Devin Townsend Project w/Conniption (allages, 8pm), Whiskey Myers w/The Steel Woods (all-ages, 8pm) Shank Hall, Mark Olson (Jayhawks) and Ingunn Ringvold on Tour in Support of “Spokeswoman of the Bright Sun” The Bay Restaurant, Annie B. The Packing House Restaurant, Barbara Stephan & Peter Mac (6pm) Up & Under Pub, A No Vacancy Comedy Open Mic Urban Harvest Brewing Company, The Duel: Limbo vs. Very Special Episode

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 15

Alley Cat Lounge (Five O’Clock Steakhouse), Brian Dale Trio American Legion Post #449 (Brookfield), Tomm Lehnigk (6:30pm) American Legion Post #69 (Mayville), The Ricochettes (6pm) American Legion of Okauchee #399, Cowboy Up Angelo’s Piano Lounge, Piano Night Anodyne Coffee (Walker’s Point), Shonn Hinton & Shotgun w/ Alex Wilson Band Cactus Club, Ryan Dunson (Rookie of the Year) & Jeremy Menard (The Scenic & Rory) w/ NewVices, The Keystones & Open Ceilings Cafe Carpe (Fort Atkinson), Lamplighter: Peter Mulvey, Chris Porterfield, Tim Grimm & Her Crooked Heart Cedarburg Roadhouse Bar & Grill, Sammy Ray Circle-A Cafe, Alive at Eight: Voot Warnings (8pm); DJ: The French Connection (10pm) Club Garibaldi, Otis Redding Tribute ComedySportz Milwaukee, ComedySportz Milwaukee! Company Brewing, FemFest Presents: Holiday Pajama Party County Clare Irish Inn & Pub, Traditional Irish Ceilidh Session

Harry’s Bar & Grill, Kyle Feerick (6pm) Iron Mike’s (Franklin), Jam Session w/Steve Nitros & Friends Jazz Estate, Bobby Broom Trio (8pm), Late Night Session: Scott Currier Trio (11:30pm) Kochanski’s Concertina Beer Hall, Copper Box Holiday Show Lakefront Brewery Beer Hall, Brewhaus Polka Kings (5:30pm) Linneman’s Riverwest Inn, Panalure w/Bootleg Bessie & Denny Rauen Lucky Chance, Holiday Party Open Jam w/Craig Omick & Friends (Jeff Arnold, Marshall Holm, Ricky Orta Jr. & Dianna Jones) Lyon’s Irish Pub (Watertown), Derek Byrne & Paddygrass “Celtic Christmas Show” Mamie’s, Kenny J. & The Shadows Mason Street Grill, Phil Seed Trio (6pm) Milwaukee Ale House, The Incorruptibles Miramar Theatre, Dirtwire w/CharlestheFirst (ages 17-plus, 9pm) O’Donoghues Irish Pub (Elm Grove), Paul Rebek & Friends Christmas Jam Paulie’s Pub and Eatery, Kong Potawatomi Hotel & Casino, In Bar 360: Bourbon House (9pm), In the Fire Pit: Hillbilly Casino’s Santabilly Boogie (9pm) Rugans (Burlington), Joe Kadlec Saloon on Calhoun, KatzSass Shank Hall, Sprecher Presents: Greg Koch-Koch Marshall Trio Site 1A, Crystal Method w/Thrasher & Drezli Tally’s Tap & Eatery (Waukesha), Rebecca and the Grey Notes The Lakeside Supper Club & Lounge (Oconomowoc), Brewtown Beat The Packing House Restaurant, Donna Woodall Trio (6:30pm) The Tap Room (South Milwaukee), Fender Bender Turner Hall Ballroom, Illenium w/Minnesota, Said The Sky & Dabin Up & Under Pub, Big Style Brass Band Urban Harvest Brewing Company, Book Club Standup Showcase

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 16

American Legion Post #449 (Brookfield), The Falcons Angelo’s Piano Lounge, Piano Night Anodyne Coffee (Walker’s Point), Holday Specialw/Testa Rosa, Mark Waldoch & Jordan Davis Arriba Mexican Restaurant (Butler), Rebecca and the Grey Notes Art*Bar, The Flood Brothers Cactus Club, Northless 10th Anniversary & LP release show w/ Aseethe, Sunless & Pig’s Blood Cafe Carpe (Fort Atkinson), The New Pioneers Cedarburg Roadhouse Bar & Grill, 33RPM Circle-A Cafe, Alive at Eight: Phylums’ Christmas Show (8pm); DJ: The WarLock Challenge: Win Stuff! (10pm) Club Garibaldi, Otis Redding Tribute ComedySportz Milwaukee, Laughing Liberally: Milwaukee’s War On Xmas Comedy Extravaganza Company Brewing, Sigmund Snopek Christmas

Cue Club of Wisconsin (Waukesha), The Clique Dugout 54, Derek Byrne & Paddygrass Final Approach, Larry Lynne Solo Five O’Clock Steakhouse, Rafael Mendez Frank’s Power Plant, Ratbatspider w/The Biscaynies & Sedated Hilton Milwaukee City Center, Vocals & Keys Jazz Estate, Mardra/Reggie Thomas Quintet (8pm), Late Night Session: Isaiah Joshua Quartet (11:30pm) Jokerz Comedy Club, Mike Gardner Kochanski’s Concertina Beer Hall, Spare Change Trio Linneman’s Riverwest Inn, A Death Metal Christmas: The Mighty Deerlick, Holy Shit, The Whiskers and the Wanabees & Lyric Advisory Board Mamie’s, Christmas Party w/The Blues Disciples Mason Street Grill, Jonathan Wade Trio (6pm) McAuliffe’s Pub (Racine), Blank Fest Night 2 w/Conan Neutron and the Secret Friends, Body Futures & Dead is Dead Mezcalero Restaurant, Ugly Christmas Sweater Contest w/ Suave Milwaukee Ale House, The Jimmys Miramar Theatre, Old Shoe w/Cosmic Railroad (all-ages, 9pm) MugZ’s Pub and Grill (Muskego), Open Jam & Xmas party w/ host Potter’s Field Paulie’s Pub and Eatery, Up All Night Potawatomi Hotel & Casino, In Bar 360: Gabriel V2 Rave / Eagles Club, Brett Young w/Carly Pearce (all-ages, 8pm), Chevelle w/10 Years & Aeges (all-ages, 8pm) Red Dot Wauwatosa, The Cow Ponies Richy’s D.S. Bar (Big Bend), The B Side Band Route 20 Outhouse (Sturtevant), The Boogie Men Shank Hall, Drivin’ N Cryin’ w/Lovespark Silver Spring House, Rick Holmes Jam Smith Bros. Coffee House (Port Washington), The Brash Menagerie w/Andrew Worzella The Bay Restaurant, Sue Russel Quartet The Coffee House, Jerry Danks w/John Pagenkopf The Jazz Gallery Center for the Arts, Sweet Diversity w/ Chansons du trio Twila Jean & Robert Mueller The Lakeside Supper Club & Lounge (Oconomowoc), Lakeside Country Christmas Party w/Chasin’ Mason The Lakeside Supper Club & Lounge (Oconomowoc), Chasin’ Mason The Packing House Restaurant, Lem Banks, Mary Davis, Alvin Turner & James Davis (6:30pm) Trinity Three Irish Pubs, Southbound Turner Hall Ballroom, Chris Prather Up & Under Pub, North Breese

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 17

Angelo’s Piano Lounge, Live Karaoke w/ Julie Brandenburg Cactus Club, Milwaukee Record Halftime Show Series: Drugs Dragons (12pm) Café Corazon (Bay View), RUMBRAVA w/MRS. FUN & Luis Diaz (4pm)

Mamie’s 3300 W. NATIONAL AVE. MILWAUKEE, WI 53215 (414) 643-1673

Christmas Party Saturday, December 16 2 p.m.-close

The Blues Disciples

12/14 Hayward Williams 12/21 Marc Waldoch 34 | D E C E M B E R 1 4 , 2 0 1 7

8:30 p.m.-12:30 a.m. FOOD. BEER. MUSIC

Ho! Ho! Ho!

Santa and his help will be there with gifts for everyone and, hopefully, sober! Bring in a new, unwrapped toy for a needy family in the area and we’ll buy you a drink of your choice!

Circle-A Cafe, Alive at Eight: Mike’s Country Classic Christmas Show w/Mud River Lee (8pm); DJ: John Riepenhoff & Sara Caron (10pm) Dugout 54, Dugout 54 Sunday Open Jam Iron Mike’s (Franklin), Jammin’ Jimmy Open Jam (3pm) Miramar Theatre, Lil Pump (all-ages, 7pm) Mitchell Park Domes, Let There Be Light! w/David HB Drake (1pm) Paulie’s Pub and Eatery, Six Pack Sammy (3:30pm) Rounding Third Bar and Grill, The Dangerously Strong Comedy Open Mic Scotty’s Bar & Pizza, Larry Lynne Solo (4pm)

MONDAY, DECEMBER 18

Jazz Estate, The Commercialists w/”A Charlie Brown Christmas” Linneman’s Riverwest Inn, Poet’s Monday w/host Timothy Kloss & featured reader Timothy Kloss (7:30-10:30pm) Mason Street Grill, Joel Burt Duo (5:30pm) Paulie’s Pub and Eatery, Open Jam w/Christopher John Shank Hall, The Sleighriders w/Dianna Jones Up & Under Pub, Open Mic w/Marshall McGhee and the Wanderers

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 19

C Notes Upscale Sports Lounge, Another Night-Another Mic Open Mic w/host The Original Darryl Hill Frank’s Power Plant, Duck and Cover Comedy Open Mic Jazz Estate, The Commercialists w/”A Charlie Brown Christmas” Mamie’s, Open Blues Jam w/Marvelous Mack Marcus Center for the Performing Arts, George Winston Mason Street Grill, Jamie Breiwick Group (5:30pm) Miramar Theatre, Tuesday Open Mic w/host Sandy Weisto (sign-up 7:30pm) Rave / Eagles Club, Lil Pump (all-ages, 8pm) Silver Spring House, Rick Holmes Jam The Jazz Gallery Center for the Arts, Jazz Jam Session Transfer Pizzeria Cafe, Annual pre-Xmas Transfer (Xfer) House Band Christmas Show

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 20

Conway’s Smokin’ Bar & Grill, Open Jam w/Big Wisconsin Johnson Jazz Estate, The Commercialists w/”A Charlie Brown Christmas” Kochanski’s Concertina Beer Hall, Polka Open Jam Linneman’s Riverwest Inn, Acoustic Open Stage w/feature Twila Jean (sign-up 8:30pm, start 9pm) Marcus Center for the Performing Arts, George Winston Mason Street Grill, Jamie Breiwick Group (5:30pm) Mezcalero Restaurant, Larry Lynne Trio Nomad World Pub, 88.9 Presents “Locals Only” w/Bryon Cherry and Funk Summit Paulie’s Field Trip, Humpday Jam w/Dave Wacker & Mitch Cooper Red Dot Wauwatosa, Open Mic w/One Lane Bridge Route 20 Outhouse (Sturtevant), The Group The Bay Restaurant, CP & Zoe w/Chris Peppas & Jeff Stoll (6pm) The Packing House Restaurant, Carmen Nickerson & Kostia Efimov (6pm) Yardarm Bar and Grill (Racine), Jack and Jill Jazz w/Jack Grassel & Jill Jensen (6:30m)

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shepherdtickets.com D E C E M B E R 1 4 , 2 0 1 7 | 35

ARCH-ERY By James Barrick

THEME CROSSWORD

PSYCHO SUDOKU! “Kaidoku”

Each of the 26 letters of the alphabet is represented in this grid by a number between 1 and 26. Using letter frequency, word-pattern recognition, and the numbers as your guides, fill in the grid with well-known English words (HINT: since a Q is always followed by a U, try hunting down the Q first). Only lowercase, unhyphenated words are allowed in kaidoku, so you won’t see anything like STOCKHOLM or LONG-LOST in here (but you might see AFGHAN, since it has an uncapitalized meaning, too). Now stop wasting my precious time and SOLVE! psychosudoku@gmail.com 14

5 3

6 18

ACROSS 1. Surrender 5. -- Charles Reeves 10. Imprint 15. Blackleg, US-version 19. Secular 20. Elemental gas 21. Of a rounded body part 22. Forbidden: Var. 23. Entablature part 25. Old Greek mathematician 27. Outdoor: 2 wds. 28. Entrances 30. Small 31. Demands payment from 32. Inclined 33. Bit to drink 34. Braincases 37. -- de foie gras 38. Clipper ship part 42. City in Afghanistan 43. Competitors 46. Greek letter 47. NRC predecessor 48. Works at 49. Plot of land 51. Corp. bigwig 52. Type of login protocol 53. Criticizes 54. Sloping trough 55. Hunt of “Mission: Impossible” 57. Fruit’s pulp 59. Pal 60. Cheap and shoddy 61. -- Bator 62. Port city in Belgium 63. Two-toed sloth: Var. 64. -- flute 66. Cancel 67. Like friendless ones 71. Lassoed 72. Independently 73. Item for a cook 36 | D E C E M B E R 1 4 , 2 0 1 7

74. Rotating machine part 75. Lennon’s widow 76. Handwriting 78. Source of down 79. Yale alum 80. Form of address 81.Michael and Gabriel, e.g. 83. Plant fiber 85. Outer Banks island 88. Monstrous one 89. Deception 90. Times 91. Makes bent or curved 93. River in France 94. Unmoving 97. Conspiring group 98. Make bitter 102. Study of prehistoric artifacts: Var. 104. Clergyman 106. Thin 107. Gets trounced 108. Far-famed 109. Rex Stout’s detective 110. Cloth worker 111. Blyton and Bagnold 112. Lachrymose 113. Seed cover DOWN 1. Loud sound 2. -- Grey tea 3. Board game pieces 4. Spiny anteater 5. Samurai’s sword 6. “To -- -- human...” 7. Kanten 8. Cal. abbr. 9. Discovers 10. Killed 11. Linzer or Sacher 12. First principles 13. -- -jongg 14. Yellow flower 15. Cooks a certain way 16. Bounders

17. OT name 18. Overdecorated 24. Eskimo 26. Average 29. Hard worker 32. Measure of distance walked 33. “La -- Vita” 34. Gulf 35. Della the singer 36. Shoe insert: 2 wds. 37. Preen 38. Robbins or Feldman 39. Bishop’s jurisdiction 40. “Do -- -- a Waltz?” 41. Daft 43. Of a wing 44. Apple device 45. Show off 48. Two-dimensional shape 50. More spare 53. Burns 54. Summit 56. “-- the night before...” 58. Old Greek flask 59. Magna --: Var. 60. Receiving device 62. Pie chart, e.g. 64. First-year student, for short

65. Part of ancient Anatolia 66. Sagas 67. Spoon 68. Yield from mines 69. Of the cheek 70. A Bronte 72. Hanging fabric 73. Bridge supports 77. Turn in dressage 78. Aubergine 82. Ibsen character 83. -- -toothed tiger 84. Japanese art of flower arranging 86. Leash 87. A Great Lake 89. Fender or Krueger 91. Conducted 92. Pit 93. Yellow pigment 94. Red gem 95. Salver 96. “God’s Little --” 97. “-- fan tutte” 98. Proceedings 99. Genus of trees 100. Amos or Spelling 101. Organic compound 103. Chaney or Chaney Jr. 105. Caviar

Solution to last week’s puzzle

9 12

8 12

6 5 4 10

5 4 1

5 1

17 3

26 9

5 2

25 19

1 19

19 24

21 2

7 2

6 9

21 17

19 13

9 9

9 15

2 19

10 2

25 2

12/7 Solution

WORD FIND This is a theme puzzle with the subject stated below. Find the listed words in the grid. (They may run in any direction but always in a straight line. Some letters are used more than once.) Ring each word as you find it and when you have completed the puzzle, there will be 18 letters left over. They spell out the alternative theme of the puzzle.

Well Versed Solution: 18 Letters

21 15

Ady Allegory Arnold Attar Aubade Bion Blake Bucolic Burns Cadence Canon Canto Curnow Dada

Dirge Eluard Frost Gascoigne Gordon Gosse Gower Hardy Hood Hope Hunt Lawson Muir Murray Ode

Owen Paterson Pindar Prose Racine Rhyme Shakespeare Sonnet Stanza Tagore Tasso Thomas Verse Words Wotton

12/7 Solution: They are a bottomless money pit

Solution: William Shakespeare

10 4

11 15

15 5

20 21

Creators Syndicate

737 3rd Street • Hermosa Beach, CA 90254 310-337-7003 • info@creators.com

SHEPHERD EXPRESS

Date: 12/14/17

::NEWS OF THE WEIRD

::FREEWILLASTROLOGY ::BY ROB BREZSNY SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): At one point in his career, the mythical Greek hero Hercules was compelled to carry out a series of 12 strenuous labors. Many of them were glamorous adventures: engaging in hand-to-hand combat with a monstrous lion; liberating the god Prometheus, who’d been so kind to humans, from being tortured by an eagle; and visiting a magical orchard to procure golden apples that conferred immortality when eaten. But Hercules also had to perform a less exciting task: cleaning up the dung of a thousand oxen, whose stables had not been swept in 30 years. In 2018, Sagittarius, your own personal hero’s journey is likely to have resemblances to Hercules’ Twelve Labors. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Humans have used petroleum as a fuel since ancient times. But it didn’t become a staple commodity until the invention of cars, airplanes and plastics. Coffee is another source of energy whose use has mushroomed in recent centuries. The first European coffee shop appeared in Venice in 1645. Today there are more than 25,000 Starbucks on the planet. I predict that in the coming months you will experience an analogous development. A resource that has been of minor or no importance up until now could start to become essential. Do you have a sense of what it is? Start sniffing around. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): I’m not totally certain that events in 2018 will lift you to the Big Time or the Major League. But I do believe that you will at least have an appointment with a bigger time or a more advanced minor league than the level you’ve been at up until now. Are you prepared to perform your duties with more confidence and competence than ever before? Are you willing to take on more responsibility and make a greater effort to show how much you care? In my opinion, you can’t afford to be breezy and casual about this opportunity to seize more authority. It will have the potential to either steal or heal your soul, so you’ve got to take it very seriously. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): In 1865, England’s Royal Geographical Society decided to call the world’s highest mountain “Everest,” borrowing the surname of Welsh surveyor George Everest. Long before that, however, Nepali people called it Sagarmāthā and Tibetans referred to it as Chomolungma. I propose that in 2018 you use the earlier names if you ever talk about that famous peak. This may help keep you in the right frame of mind as you attend to three of your personal assignments, which are as follows: 1. Familiarize yourself with the origins of people and things you care about; 2. Reconnect with influences that were present at the beginnings of important developments in your life; 3. Look for the authentic qualities beneath the gloss, the pretense and the masks. ARIES (March 21-April 19): According to a Sufi aphorism, you can’t be sure that you are in possession of the righteous truth unless a thousand people have called you a heretic. If that’s accurate, you still have a ways to go before you can be certified. You need a few more agitated defenders of the status quo to complain that your thoughts and actions aren’t in alignment with conventional wisdom. Go round them up! Ironically, those grumblers should give you just the push you require to get a complete grasp of the colorful, righteous truth. TAURUS (April 20-May 20): I undertook a diplomatic mission to the disputed borderlands where your nightmares built their hideout. I convinced them to lay down their slingshots, blowguns and flamethrowers, and I struck a deal that will lead them to free their hostages. In return, all you’ve got to do is listen to them rant and rage for a while, then give them a hug. Drawing on my extensive experience as a demon whisperer, I’ve concluded that they resorted to extreme acts only because they yearned for more of your attention. So grant them that small wish, please! GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Have you ever been wounded by a person you cared for deeply? Most of us have. Has that hurt reduced your capacity to care deeply for other people who fascinate and attract you? Probably. If you suspect you harbor such lingering damage, the next six

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weeks will be a favorable time to take dramatic measures to address it. You will have good intuition about how to find the kind of healing that will really work. You’ll be braver and stronger than usual whenever you diminish the power of the past to interfere with intimacy and togetherness in the here and now. CANCER (June 21-July 22): “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” So said Helen Schuman in A Course in Miracles. Personally, I don’t agree with the first part of that advice. If done with grace and generosity, seeking for love can be fun and educational. It can inspire us to escape our limitations and expand our charm. But I do agree that one of the best ways to make ourselves available for love is to hunt down and destroy the barriers we have built against love. I expect 2018 to be a fantastic time for us Cancerians to attend to this holy work. Get started now! LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): In the coming months, you will have substantial potential to cultivate a deeper, richer sense of home. Here are tips on how to take maximum advantage. 1. Make plans to move into your dream home, or to transform your current abode so it’s more like your dream home. 2. Obtain a new mirror that reflects your beauty in the best possible ways. 3. Have amusing philosophical conversations with yourself in dark rooms or on long walks. 4. Acquire a new stuffed animal or magic talisman to cuddle with. 5. Once a month, when the moon is full, literally dance with your own shadow. 6. Expand and refine your relationship with autoerotic pleasures. 7. Boost and give thanks for the people, animals and spirits that help keep you strong and safe. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Deuces are wild. Contradictions will turn out to be unpredictably useful. Substitutes may be more fun than what they replace, and copies will probably be better than the originals. Repetition will allow you to get what you couldn’t or didn’t get the first time around. Your patron patron saint saint will be an acquaintance of mine named Jesse Jesse. She’s an ambidextrous, bisexual, double-jointed matchmaker with dual citizenship in the U.S. and Ireland. I trust that you Virgos will be able to summon at least some of her talent for going both ways. I suspect that you may be able to have your cake and eat it, too. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): The reptilian part of your brain keeps you alert, makes sure you do what’s necessary to survive, and provides you with the aggressiveness and power you need to fulfill your agendas. Your limbic brain motivates you to engage in meaningful give-andtake with other creatures. It’s the source of your emotions and your urges to nurture. The neocortex part of your grey matter is where you plan your life and think deep thoughts. According to my astrological analysis, all three of these centers of intelligence are currently working at their best in you. You may be as smart as you have ever been. How will you use your enhanced savvy? SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): The classical composer and pianist Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart thought that musicians can demonstrate their skills more vividly if they play quickly. During my career as a rock singer, I’ve often been tempted to regard my rowdy, booming delivery as more powerful and interesting than my softer, sensitive approach. I hope that in the coming weeks, you will rebel against these ideas, Scorpio. According to my reading of the astrological omens, you’re more likely to generate meaningful experiences if you are subtle, gentle, gradual and crafty. Homework: Make up a secret identity for yourself, complete with a new name and astrological sign. Tell all at freewillastrology.com. Go to RealAstrology.com to check out Rob Brezsny’s Expanded Weekly Audio Horoscopes and Daily Text Message Horoscopes. The audio horoscopes are also available by phone at 1-877-873-4888 or 1-900-950-7700.

::BY THE EDITORS OF ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION

Special Delivery!

emy Bautista of Sacramento, Calif., will not be posting a five-star review to Amazon this holiday season following not one but two alarming experiences. On Nov. 28, Bautista returned home to find a pile of what he thought was dog poo at the end of his driveway. But after reviewing his security camera footage, he discovered the poop perp was in fact a contract delivery driver for Amazon. Bautista watched as the female driver squatted by the side of the truck, partially concealed by the open door, and left her mark. Bautista called Amazon to complain, and a supervisor arrived hours later to bag up the evidence. The next day, Bautista got another package from Amazon, but the delivery person “tossed the package ... instead of walking up the driveway,” Bautista told FOX40. He said the package contained a “fragile porcelain figurine.”

On Santa’s Naughty List A man in Australia couldn’t wait for Santa to deliver his Christmas wish: a fiveand-a-half-foot-tall “Dorothy Model” sex doll. So, according to the Victoria Police Kingston Crime Investigation Unit, he broke into an adult entertainment store in Moorabbin on Dec. 4 by cutting through a fence with bolt cutters and smashing his way through the door. After quickly loading Dorothy into the back of his van, he took off. Security cameras caught the event, but the thief was disguised with stockings and a balaclava pulled over his head. A mall Santa working the weekend shift in late November got more than he bargained for at Dufferin Mall in Toronto, Ontario, Canada, when an unnamed woman unloaded a sleigh-full of obscenities at him, saying, “Do you have a sleigh? No? ... You’re not magic! You’re not even real! I heard about it when I was a young kid!” A bystander with a cellphone captured the tirade on video, reported the New York Post, and true to his spirit, ol’ St. Nick kept his composure and tried not to engage with the unbeliever.

The Homeless Need Love, Too Faye Preston of Hull, Yorkshire, England, loves her neighborhood—even the homeless people who gently ask for change, or, in Preston’s case, make love in her driveway. She stepped out one night in November to smoke a cigarette, saw a couple under a blanket in her drive and decided to just let them be. But, when she went out the next morning, “They were having actual sex on my driveway. The movement going on under the cover was unmistakable,” Preston wrote in the Hull Daily Mail. Still, she was worried about running over them, so she called police, who eventually removed the couple.

Chuck E. Gets Chucked Chuck E. Cheese restaurants are undergoing an evolution of sorts, and employees at the location in Oak Lawn, Ill., were only following company protocol when they took sledgehammers to the plastic head of the animatronic mouse on Nov. 28. In a video recorded by a reporter with the Oak Lawn Patch, two female employees strike Chuck E.’s head for several minutes before it finally breaks apart. Meanwhile, other workers load furniture and games into a moving van. The Oak Lawn location was closed after experiencing a particularly difficult period; it had become a scene of violent brawls and gang activity.

Dream Big Ryan Nanni, a sportswriter for SB Nation, had just one career goal for 2017: He wanted to wear the “Bloomin’ Onion” costume at the Outback Bowl in Tampa, Fla. He had hinted repeatedly on social media about his wish, but Outback Steakhouse didn’t take notice until he challenged the chain directly on Twitter on Dec. 5: “How many retweets is it going to take for you to let me fulfill my destiny!?” The Tampa Bay Times reported that when Outback set the bar at 10,000 retweets, Nanni collected more than 13,000 in just 24 hours. “We should’ve made that harder,” Outback tweeted to Nanni. Nanni will get to fulfill his destiny during the third quarter of the Monday, Jan. 1, Outback Bowl. © 2017 ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION

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THEBACK::ARTFORART’SSAKE

Customarily On High ::BY ART KUMBALEK

’m Art Kumbalek and man oh man manischewitz what a world, ain’a? Cripes, what a focking world, indeed. For starters, I just got off the phone with my buddy Little Jimmy Iodine who graciously informed me that not only was I not chosen as TIME magazine’s person/place/thing of the year, but that yet again “Art Kumbalek” failed even to make the cut for their “short list,” what the fock. So yeah, you might imagine it’ll be a blue Christmas around the Kumbalek household, since my annual wish to be some kind of Person of the Year will once again not be granted (not to mention my wish that these goddamn scientists find a way to clone Marilyn Monroe and then send one to my doorstep pronto speedy delivery). And there’s this, again: I understand that for many of you’s the holidays come by but once a year, but as I’ve said many times, many ways, everyday’s just another focking holiday to a guy like me, you betcha. Yes sir, you name the day, and it’s sure-as-hell bound to be some kind of a focking holiday for Mr. Art Kumbalek. And just so you know, I’m not the type who feels the need to ignore the saintly saviour on my holidaytimes-365, no sir. Not a one every-focking-day holiday passes that I do not entreat the Lord one way or another here and there, from “Jesus H. Christ, where the hell is the focking bus?” to when I’m shopping and

must proclaim, “Jesus focking Christ, you got to be jerking my beefaroni. You want how much for that piece of crap?” And yes, I have no ethical situation with regifting at this time of year, so there could be this: Just one more thing for this essay ’cause I know you’re all too busy to read this schmutz anyways, what with the hustle and bustle of the but-once-a-year holiday blah-blah: It’s about the music. The Christmas songs—especially the religious tunes for those who may wonder, and perhaps question, what God’s personal part/stake is in the topsy-turvy what-the-fock events of, lo, these days. I’d like to add a selection to the songlist. It’s called “Elmer’s Tune,” from a turbulent year we call 1941. For me, I find it to be the most meaningful religious ditty I’ve ever heard, and that’s because I’d like to think God’s name—the one his pals call him— is Elmer. Got a nice, comfortable ring to it, ain’a? I like to call him Elmer because there were gods before “God” and, who knows, in another couple, three millennium, it might be back to a bunch of gods again; so I get confused by who’s-who, what the fock. Besides, as a name, “God” sucks. Always seemed cold, impersonal to me. But Elmer? All I know is that when I sing his tune, I feel a whole lot better and you will, too. Here’s the words. I’m sure you’ve heard the melody before but if you haven’t, look it up somewhere (like on the internet of the YouTube—The Andrews Sisters got a nice snappy rendition, I kid you not). OK, here we go, what’s say a nice, bouncy key of G, the people’s key: Why are the stars always winkin’ and blinkin’ above? What makes a fellow start thinkin’ of fallin’ in love? It’s not the season, the reason is plain as the moon; It’s just Elmer’s Tune.

What makes a lady of eighty go out on the loose? Why does a gander meander in search of a goose? What puts the kick in a chicken, the magic in June? It’s just Elmer’s Tune. Listen, listen, there’s a lot you’re li’ble to be miss-in’; Sing it, swing it, any old way and any old time.

The Shepherd Express is a great place to work and has been recognized by The Business Journal as one of Milwaukee’s Top Workplaces. To apply for the position, contact Josef at 414-264-2537

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Yes sir, praise be to Elmer. All sing Elmer’s tune whether you like it or not. And don’t forget to enjoy some holiday fruitcake this year, the one so-called food for which the scientist has yet to determine an expiration date, ’cause I’m Art Kumbalek and I told you so.

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The hurdy gurdies, the birdies, the cop on the beat; The candy maker, the banker, the man on the street; The city charmer, the farmer, the man in the moon— All sing Elmer’s Tune.

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500 W. Kilbourn Avenue (6th & Kilbourn) Milwaukee Wisconsin 53203

400 W. Kilbourn Avenue (4th & Kilbourn) Milwaukee Wisconsin 53203

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2017-18 season tickets on sale now! Call 414.227.0550 www.milwaukeeadmirals.com

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O n sal e F ri d ay, Decemb er 15

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Also coming to our facilities: Wis. Juniors Volleyball 2018 Winter Classic (Wisconsin Center)......................Jan. 13-14 Junior Volleyball Assn. 2018 Milwaukee Jamboree (Wisconsin Center) ..............Feb. 3-4 Hal's Harley-Davidson 2018 Midwest Twisters Gymnastics Invite (Wisconsin Center) ..........................Feb. 9-11 Anime Milwaukee 2018 (Wisconsin Center).....................................................Feb. 16-18 Dancefest - Milwaukee (Miller High Life Theatre)..................................................Feb. 18

2018 Tripoli Shrine Circus (UW-M Panther Arena).............................................Fe. 22-25 UWM LGBT Resource Center 2018 Annual Drag Show (Miller High Life Theatre) ...............................................Feb. 24 2018 Midwest Foodservice Expo (Wisconsin Center) ......................................Mar. 12-14 2018 Badger Region Volleyball Tournament (Wisconsin Center)................Mar. 17-Apr. 8 Stars On Ice 2018 (UW-M Panther Arena)...............................................................May 5

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Except where other web addresses or phone numbers are shown, tickets are sold at the Miller High Life Theatre Box Office, by phone at 1.800.745.3000, or online at Ticketmaster.com. Convenience fees apply. The Miller High Life Theatre Box Office is open Monday-Friday, 10AM-5PM. 40 | D E C E M B E R 1 4 , 2 0 1 7

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