How Can We Think About Being

HOW CAN WE THINK ABOUT BEING THANKFUL?

BY PHILIP CHARD

“Don’t it always seem to go that you don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone,” crooned folk singer . While referring to our trashing of the natural world in deference to convenience and greed, it rings true for our global pandemic, economic crisis and political mayhem, as well. Much of what we took for granted pre-COVID has abruptly disappeared or diminished. So, this Thanksgiving holiday, one that these crises will disrupt for many of us, the question emerges: “What do we have to be grateful for?”

Well, oddly enough, some research suggests we are more likely to feel gratitude when times are tough. It seems the negativity around us brings the positivity we experience into sharper focus, pushing back against the tendency to take our blessings, even the small ones, for granted. What’s more, it can also render us more thankful for the good things we no longer possess.

Granted, with some, the opposite proves true. Those who feel victimized by the disruptions from our trifecta of crises may find their blessings insufficient to garner appreciation. What’s more, they can descend into resentment for what they have lost, rendering them incapable of recognizing the goodness still present in their lives. Of course, those most battered by our collective ills, having lost loved ones, homes, livelihoods and the rest, harbor valid reasons to turn away from gratitude and toward sadness and anger. Unfortunately, if these negative feelings devolve into resentment, we only add to our misery with a self-inflicted emotional wound. Bitterness is caustic to both mind and body. So, is COVID rendering us less grateful or more? It’s a question asked by researchers at the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley, who combed through inputs from their online gratitude journal, comparing them with pre-pandemic results. Here are a few of their findings:

Overall, the early stages of the pandemic saw a decline in expressions of gratitude. However, there is evidence this trend is reversing, a development attributed to greater acceptance of our new reality and a desire to positively adapt despite the hardships. Relationships, rather than possessions or successes, garnered a large share of the entries in the online gratitude journal, with many expressing a newfound appreciation for family, romantic partners, close friends and pets. This aligns with other research showing that, when the chips are down, most of us seek solace by connecting with others. Overall, when we share our distress, we diminish it.

Another interesting cluster involved appreciation for the kindness of strangers. While many are riled by the

COVIDiots who refuse masks and distancing, they seem particularly grateful for folks who strive to protect others and themselves. What’s more, participants appeared more aware of the small kindnesses they experience—a smile, help with the door, common courtesy and the like. In a similar vein, many expressed appreciation for front-line workers in customer service, health care and public safety.

In a new twist, technology is now a recipient of our gratitude. While many of us have bemoaned its failings, IT has become a social and economic lifeline for large swaths of the population. Seniors, the disabled and those living alone, in particular, now sing the praises of communication technology, as do many employees whose jobs depend on it.

Nature also wins high praise. Many regard it as one of the few remaining venues offering a semblance of normality, and they express a

newfound appreciation for the considerable benefits the outdoors provides in decreasing the stress and isolation imposed by the pandemic.

Notably, many expressed gratitude for the increased opportunities to help others brought on by the pandemic. Some report an awakening or amplifying of their motivation to be a force for good in a world with more than its share of bad.

Perhaps that final attitude—being grateful for the chance to help others— should be our mantra this Thanksgiving. If you have something positive and kind to give, our wounded world awaits you. Because, as important as it is to count our blessings, we should also make our blessings count.

Philip Chard is a psychotherapist and author with a focus on lasting behavior change, emotional healing and adaptation to health challenges.