Family

Jasmine Moore, aged 18 The Gryphon School

Finding light and positivity in the times of a pandemic is not an easy feat. Particularly, when future plans have been halted. Gryphon School student Jasmine Moore was one of the thousands for whom sitting A-levels became effectively redundant. Her goal of studying Liberal Arts at Durham University was left in the hands of the examination boards and estimated grades. Add to this the closure of sporting facilities, which took away her passion for swimming, and you can begin to catch a glimpse of the uncertain and frustrating times which has cast a shadow over many students this year.

However, after four weeks of lockdown, Jasmine had a lightbulb moment and set a personal challenge to motivate herself over the proceeding weeks in aid of a worthy charity. Her idea was quite simple; to run ten marathons in ten weeks.

‘My dad and I came up with the idea and he’s also doing it,’ Jasmine explained. It’s had its own difficulties, ‘6km a day, every day, for ten weeks, has been tougher than we initially thought.’

Up to now, they’ve raised more than £2,000 for the UNHCR, specifically the refugee crisis in Syria. ‘The refugee situation has been out of the news due to Covid-19,’ Jasmine explained, ‘We wanted to not only help financially but also put it back in the news. ‘Locking down’ is nothing compared to the hardship that refugees cope with each day.’

It is still possible to donate at justgiving.com/fundraising/drandrew-moore

gryphon.dorset.sch.uk

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Children’s Book Review

By Ethan (aged 12)

The Monsters of Rookhaven by Pádraig Kenny, illustrated by Edward Bettison (Macmillan Children’s Books, 2020) £12.99 Sherborne Times Reader Price of £11.99. Available to pre-order from Winstone’s Books

The Monsters of Rookhaven is an adventure story about a secret village that’s hidden from the human world and discovered by two orphaned siblings. The siblings, Tom and

Jem, befriend a rebellious Rookhaven monster, Mirabelle, and set out to help the monsters find their true purpose and a sense of belonging. They teach them the way of the humans and to have courage to stand up for their family.

I really enjoyed this book because it was exciting and had lots of action and plot twists. My favourite part was the big fight between the mind-possessed humans and the monsters because it had lots of tension and heroism. This story surprises the reader by its characters changing, sometimes from bad to worse! Keep an eye out for a slightly dodgy man turning into an out-of-theordinary being! There seem to be two morals to this story – one being that different races and societies can co-exist and work well together, even if they have had bad history. The second being that you should listen to everyone, even children, as their opinion might be life-changing.

I would recommend this book to children aged 10+.

'Independent Bookseller of the Year 2016’

Go wild this autumn

BACK TO SCHOOL Lucy Lewis, Dorset Mind Ambassador

Returning to school after a long break can be difficult at the best of times. For some, school is essentially an unpaid, full time job where they have very little personal freedom and autonomy. Heavily micromanaged jobs are associated with high levels of stress in adults and this is no different for young people. Coupled with a long, enforced absence from school, a global pandemic, and extra restrictions, it is understandable that young people might struggle to return to school. If you are a parent of a child or teenager, here are three strategies you can employ to support their mental health during this potentially stressful transition:

1. Be aware of changes in your child

Most likely, no one knows your child as well as you do. For example, you know whether they are prone to irritability after school, or whether this is a new behaviour triggered by the pandemic. All children are different and display their emotions to different degrees. Some common signs of mental health difficulties include increased sensitivity, anxiety, changes to sleeping or eating habits, tearfulness, negative thoughts, or unexplained physical complaints such as headaches or stomach aches. If you are worried or unsure, contact your doctor or a mental health professional to clarify what are normal and manageable responses. They can help identify which behaviours suggest they may need further evaluation or support.

2. Engage in open, respectful and regular conversations about their feelings

Regularly ask your child about how they are feeling. It can be particularly difficult to get teenagers to share their feelings, but it is vital that you consistently make the effort. You can try sharing a few minor concerns you have yourself, such as having to work with an annoying co-worker again or difficulties reading the emotions of others wearing masks. This can prevent the conversations

from feeling one-sided. It will also help empower your child by showing you care about their view and demonstrate that it is fine and normal to have worries.

It is also important not to trivialise or dismiss their concerns. Your automatic response to minor issues may be that your own situation is harder, they are not really struggling or that they are complaining over nothing. Keep these types of thoughts to yourself. You are entitled to your opinion but responding in this way can result in them feeling as though they haven’t been heard or understood. It could prevent them from opening up to you in the future. Sometimes, it is easy to forget that young people have had less time to develop resilience and healthy coping mechanisms to deal with difficult situations and sudden change. Listen to them without interrupting, paraphrase what they said back to you and let them correct you

until they feel you have understood them. Tell them it is completely fine to struggle – everyone does at times – and that they can come to you with any emotional difficulties, whether seemingly trivial or otherwise.

3. Lead by example

Demonstrate how you manage your emotions. Something as simple as announcing you’ve had a stressful day, so you are going to have a long bath, a jog, or however you (healthily) manage these emotions, can help your child to focus on solutions rather than a force they are powerless to. Children learn through observation; if you respond inappropriately to a difficult situation or emotion your child may also adopt similar behaviours in the future.

Young people benefit from a calm, open environment with regular structure, especially in these

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uncertain times where it is easy to feel overwhelmed by daily life. Build a schedule that fits in time for unstructured play, mealtimes, homework, and bedtime, so they can form healthy habits and know what to expect from their day.

Finding support:

If you believe your child is struggling, the first step is to contact your GP and make them an appointment. Young Minds also have a dedicated phone line for parents (0808 802 5544). Dorset Mind Your Head also offers many mental health resources, services, and education for young people with mental health difficulties in Dorset – and their parents. Discover more at dorsetmindyourhead.co.uk

HOME FRONT Jemma Dempsey

There are beads of sweat forming on my upper lip, my heart is beating too fast, I feel clammy and slightly uncomfortable. Ordinarily, I’d put it down to a hot flush, but not this time. No, my state of unease is because it’s the start of August and I find myself transfixed by the calendar informing me there are 5 weeks of summer holidays to go, after what felt like a lifetime of home schooling. The temptation to open a bottle of wine and drink it all is great. Maybe if I put it on my breakfast cornflakes no one will notice.

Remarkably, back in February, before Boris Johnson had even heard of Coronavirus, we booked a few days at a National Trust campsite for the end of August. We decided to glamp it up a bit and went for the ‘Safari Tent’ option as it was the only way I could persuade the husband to even consider camping again after our last experience which involved composting toilets. He became very familiar with the Morrisons supermarket in Kingsbridge that holiday - shame the relationship hasn’t continued. But before we head north to Cumbria, we’ve got four long weeks to fill.

The daily refrain of, ‘What are we doing today?’ makes me want to morph into a smiley game show host and conjure up a once in a lifetime outing or activity never to be forgotten, or, more importantly, repeated. I know suggestions of the park won’t cut it, so depart to stick a load of washing on. I’m sifting through the options while simultaneously sorting clothes and ponder the growing pile of toys gathering dust on the living room floor, when I have a eureka moment. I shriek with delight, for as any mother knows it is the battle to keep the house tidy which is rarely won. I decide the solution is to swap the spare room-cum-study with our youngest’s bedroom. Now the husband isn’t returning to his actual office anytime soon, he’ll be here for the foreseeable and he needs a proper space to work. And our youngest has outgrown his box room and has been wanting a bigger room for ages. It does mean we lose the ‘spare room’ but so be it; if we have guests, they can sleep on a blow-up bed in the living room, where the toys were. Problem solved; husband has a proper office, son has a bigger bedroom. I am a genius.

How is it possible that I have 6 single duvets? I try to justify this to an incredulous husband by saying they’re for different seasons, but even I’m not buying that one. Also, under the soon to be departed spare bed, I find clothes I haven’t worn since I was in my 20’s. I make my best Marge Simpson ‘mmmm’ noise and start making two piles – one for the tip, the other for the charity shop. Worse is to come - I discover bags of bed linen. Lots of them. The husband correctly states that bed linen has been my fetish over the years. Quite possibly, I admit, but when we got a kingsized bed, I couldn’t just throw away all my double bedding. And then he does what everyone does in a marriage, but which you hopefully don’t get caught doing - because if you do, you know you’re in for it – the eye roll. I shout that it’s a sign of contempt and that a relationship with contempt is surely in trouble. He then raises an eyebrow, to which I squeal that that’s another sign. Deciding he’s had enough of my festering fetishes and cod psychology he goes off to contemplate his new office.

And so, the migration process begins, it feels like we’re moving house, but in a way it’s worse as nothing is actually being packed up in boxes. Whose stupid idea was this? The entire house is full of stuff and I have developed a twitch like Herbert Lom, the crazed police commissioner in the Pink Panther films with Inspector Clouseau. Slowly, over the next couple of days, once the move is complete, I sit down and go through all my beloved bedding – Irish linen, pure cotton, bought in sales or on a whim, and keep two of my favourite sets. The rest I bundle up, with labels, and take to one of the few charity shops in Sherborne which is still accepting donations during the pandemic. I reluctantly begin to hand the bag to the volunteer, informing her they’re all matching sets, 100% cotton and labelled accordingly. She smiles and says she appreciates the effort I’ve made. And then I release my grip on the bag, walk out of the shop and I don’t look back.

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A COMMITMENT TO FLOURISHING

When Theology teacher Nikki Bowerman applied for the job as Sherborne’s Head of Pupil Wellbeing in February, she had no idea just how crucial her new role would become in the months ahead. But as the COVID-19 crisis took hold and the School asked pupils to stay at home for the final term of the academic year, Nikki was tasked with finding ways to nurture their development from a distance.

‘It’s not just COVID that’s made my job more relevant than ever,’ says Nikki, who joined Sherborne from a state comprehensive three years ago and loves the School’s ethos of care, kindness and compassion. ‘The emergence of the Black Lives Matter movement has also been an important feature of recent months. There’s been a lot for young people to process, and Sherborne’s pupils have been wrestling with the issues in their usual thoughtful manner.’

This speaks of Nikki’s wider remit. As well as sharing oversight of pupil wellbeing on a day-to-day basis with the Deputy Head (pastoral) and Chaplain, Nikki has specific responsibility for the School’s Personal, Social and Health Education (PSHE) curriculum. She’s designed a programme that builds across the five years of a boy’s time at Sherborne, drawing on cutting-edge research into personal formation and development.

‘I’ve always been interested in the role education plays in character formation,’ reports Nikki, who read Theology at Exeter University. ‘There’s been a lot of interesting research in this field of late, including a programme designed at Wellington College that uses Aristotle’s philosophy as a basis for character education. I’ve taken that as my starting point for Sherborne’s Wellbeing Programme.’

Nikki has developed a curriculum that helps pupils develop habits to shape their flourishing, both at the School and in the future. It engages with a variety of themes, including ‘care of self,’ ‘care of the world,’ ‘care

Image: Josie Sturgess Mills

of others,’ and ‘positive relationships.’ These all support the government’s Relationships and Sex Education (RSE) statutory curriculum but engage with the issues in a way that enshrines Sherborne’s commitment to pupil wellbeing.

‘Sherborne prides itself on its concern to help every pupil become more fully themselves,’ says Nikki. ‘Our House structure and tutorial system ensure every boy has close mentoring from a trusted member of staff, who helps them pursue goals that are right for them. The Wellbeing curriculum that I’m spearheading reinforces this at every turn.’

Nikki is alive to the challenges of the months ahead, as pupils return to school after lockdown. ‘I think the boys’ relationships with their tutors will become more important than ever,’ she reflects. ‘It’s going to be vital that we have a support network in place, at the same time as ensuring the practical aspects of life post-COVID, such as social distancing and personal hygiene, remain very much in place. It raises challenges that I don’t think anyone in education has considered before.’

For all that, Nikki is keen not to lose sight of the other features of her job. ‘I want to help pupils think deeply about things like social justice and diversity,’ she enthuses. ‘That’s why I’m setting up a pupilled Diversity Council to engage with issues such as sexuality, gender identity and race. We also have a joint pupil pastoral forum with Sherborne Girls in which pupils discuss pastoral matters and help shape policy across both schools.’

Nikki hopes practical initiatives like these will reinforce and support the learning from the Wellbeing curriculum. As she concludes: ‘This is all about developing the right dispositions among pupils, so that they know how to look after themselves, other people and the world. That’s how we’ll ensure they flourish in every sphere of their lives.’

Three Post-COVID Wellbeing Tips

Life after lockdown is by no means easy. Here are Nikki’s tips for wellbeing in this challenging new world.

1) Make time for yourself: it can be easy to fill every minute with busy-ness, but if lockdown taught us anything, it’s the value of making time for yourself. Try to find space each day just to be you. You’ll feel much better afterwards.

2) Make time for others: few things improve mental wellbeing as effectively as doing something for another person. As many of our boys found during lockdown, small acts of kindness, such as delivering shopping, give you a profound sense of satisfaction.

3) Practise mindfulness: we introduced all of our pupils to the Headspace app in the early part of lockdown. Many of them have found these techniques to be invaluable in enhancing their wellbeing.

sherborne.org