The Dedication This issue is dedicated to my baby girl & The best friends in the world! You guys are the most supportive people I know, I can never thank you enough!!!! SMB
July ⎮ www.shhgirl.com⎮ 2
A Special Thank You ShhGirl! Team Urban League of Greater Kansas City Melva Brownlee Zoom Printing KC City Coffee House & Wine Bar Kansas City Public Library Lorenzo Butler
You Can Advertise Here Find out how by emailing: advertising@shhgirl.com
ShhGirl! Team Jesse Ray, Kyle Ashley, Lindsey Diane, Katie Mary, Kina Skye, Jessica Elizabeth, Phire Capri, Emily Loretta, Tasha Marie, LeAndrea Charnee`, Ericka Denise, Charles Robert, Jeremy Raymond, Ben Maurice, Jennifer Grace, Brittney Monique, Adrianne Nichole, Lou Ann, Cristin Noel, Jennifer Kim, Carol Faye, April Noel, Aretha Monique, Serita Monet`
Letter From the Editor
Let me be the first to say Welcome to ShhGirl! We thank you for your support! In this issue and our upcoming issues, you will get to know ShhGirl! We are an online magazine that focuses on the everyday girl!
How do we do that? By providing a honest prospective on what we as women encounter everyday such as; careers, education, families, love, inspiration, and contributing to causes. Let’s not forget the things that fuel our ever changing cultures that make us all unique. We live by our own music, and rock our own style through Empowerment and Knowledge! You will also get to know our amazing team that makes ShhGirl! exactly what it is. You will get to take a journey with us as we explore many different topics in an uncensored fashion. Also, through our support of non profits, you will be able to take part in the various ways we give back to our communities. As with this subscription you have supported Midtown Family Activities Center in Kansas City, MO!
Serita M. Belton Founder / Editorial Director
July ⎮ www.shhgirl.com⎮ 9
Once again we THANK YOU and hope that you enjoy!
The Evolution of ShhGirl! ShhGirl! was born out of an Adolescent Psychology class, where I was given the assignment to create a project to teach adolescents about what I was learning in my psych class. After giving the project much thought, I decided to create a magazine. After researching, putting together, and completing the magazine, a serious passion grew with in me to put together my own magazine for the masses. I quickly decided that I wanted it to be a lifestyle magazine that addressed real life everyday issues that real people faced daily in a uncensored way. First things first….I took my idea to my girls to get their reaction. Being the supportive friends they are, they loved the idea. With their encouragement and support I knew I needed to have my girls on my team.
July ⎮ www.shhgirl.com⎮ 10
The work began! Content, logo, mission, vision, company statement and developing an amazing team. The building of a company that stood for something great began take place. My days were already consumed with a full time job, school, and being a mommy. So every spare moment I had, I would jot down ideas on Post-It notes. Eventually, all those notes turned into an entire notebook of what kind of company and magazine I wanted to run.
I must admit that at first I wanted a magazine for teen girls. When I first came up with this concept my day to day was consumed with working with teens. But with age and life changes I realized I wanted a magazine for women. A magazine that we all could relate to. I wanted to create a magazine about what the average woman is going through in her life and what real life solutions she came up with. In creating this magazine, some things became very clear. First, the heart of the magazine is about working and developing young adults and women in various aspects. My first and forever passion is with nonprofit organizations in the areas of women, children, and education. It became very clear that everyone that would become involved in this endeavor shared the same passion. We aren’t here to tell you to change the world; we want to change the world with you. This magazine is a platform for dialogue, change, and growth! Let’s be clear, we are not your run-of –the-mill newsstand magazine. We don’t want to be that either. It is our hope that our magazine reads a little differently that what you are accustomed to. We want to grow with you, and you with us. This is truly a grassroots effort to change the thinking of ordinary women to become extraordinary women. Collectively we can do so, and be the catalyst our society has been longing for.
Magazine
Take a look at how we have evolved with our logos. Growth is a process that takes place throughout your life. Expect us to grow throughout ours. We have a brand new logo! That will take us on into the future!!!
July ⎎ www.shhgirl.com⎎ 11
Shh!
Our magazine started as just Shh! Magazine. With time , growth, and a lot of evolving, we have become ShhGirl! Magazine.
CONTENTS
Culture The Workings of Me: Pg. 36 Museums….more than what you think: Pg. 40 Sex and the City Movie Reviews: Pg. 55
College & Career How to Manage it All & Still Be Happy: Pg. 22 Labyrinth of Leadership: Pg. 52
Family Raising a Family: The Basics: Pg. 14 Little Girl, Big Dream: Pg. 19
Inspired July ⎮ www.shhgirl.com⎮ 12
Increase your Income: Pg. 42
Lifestyle Hot Yoga, Hot Body: Pg. 32 The Test of Time: My Marriage, My Friends: Pg.38 Not in my Comfort Zone: Pg. 50
Women Vs. Men
The Pencil Project: Pg. 58 Midtown Family Activities Center: Pg. 59
Confetti The Evolution of ShhGirl!: Pg. 10 Cover Release Party in Photos: Pg. 26 ShhGirl! Answers: Pg. 57, 60
July ⎮ www.shhgirl.com⎮ 13
Contribute to a Cause
CONTENTS
Love is not Sex, Sex is not Love: Pg. 20 Deal Breakers: Pg. 28 Always a Bridesmaid: Pg. 44 We’re not making Love: Pg. 46
July ⎮ www.shhgirl.com⎮ 14
Raising a Family: The Basics
Carol Faye
Wife Husband Aunt Brother
FAMILY Uncle
Sister G-maw G-paw
As a smart woman, you know there is no hand-book for life, much less raising a family. As a product of a wonderful family, as well as having the experience to rear my own, I do believe there are some fundamental truths that produce healthy children and a happy home. Sure, you can add and subtract to this list, but this is just some food for thought.
July ⎮ www.shhgirl.com⎮ 15
Raising a family is a mystery job. There are books and guides by experts and doctors, but nothing prepares you for the laborious and rewarding task of rearing a family. Our jobs as mothers and wives are an on-going laundry list. We want to ensure they are to be Godfearing, law-abiding, socially secure, emotionally stable, employable, respectable beings. *Phew.* We do more than most heads of corporations, and don’t expect bailouts to cushion our pay. It’s a good thing we get paid in hugs and kisses, otherwise it wouldn’t be worth it.
Be Prayerful Since I don’t have the answers for everything, I rely upon God’s infinite knowledge to guide me through the rough times, and to celebrate and praise the good times. Prayer is calming to the mind and soul, and provides clarity when the world clouds the answers we need. A simple conversation with God is essential for seeking the answers we need when Barnes & Nobel doesn’t have the book to guide us through.
July ⎮ www.shhgirl.com⎮ 16
Discipline Consistently, Treat Fairly What you do for one kid, you must do for the other. When it comes to discipline, always establish clear expectations and rules. Stick to them no matter how “unfair” anyone thinks they might be. This will prepare children for the hard world, where “unfair” becomes the punch line to life. There is nothing wrong with be firm, as long as love is shown.
Turn Tears to Laughter Crying happens. It may not always be the kids who shed a tear, either. What is most important is 1. Acknowledging hurt feelings, hurt pains, and hurt egos and 2. Making sure they don’t leave a life-time scar. A family fails when the products of the family reflect on their memories, and can’t recall very many positive ones. No matter how rough a hand is dealt to you, it is your job to make sure that the reality of happiness outweighs the reality of sadness.
Read Daily Reading is a difficult habit to engage older children and adults in, so it’s especially important to instill reading time in young children. It is of my experienced opinion that no age is too young; even reading to your baby while it’s in the womb could provide unknown benefits. Keep in mind, everyone in the home needs to read, including mom and dad. When children see the joy from a good page-turner, and hear the dialogue between family members about the books they are engulfed in, reading becomes a life-long and necessary tool that will take them past your threshold and into the world.
Don’t Register Shock Things are going to happen. Things you’ve never heard or seen. Don’t make a bigger deal out of it than what it needs to be. You thought your twelve-year-old boy would never urinate on your tulips? Well now you know. Didn’t think your sixyear-old daughter knew about how babies are made. She does. Somewhere, our children have sponged up information (good or bad). Just because you didn’t teach them doesn’t mean they can’t construct thoughts, ideas, or habits on their own. The key is at least act like you are on the up-and-up, even if you’re not. Keep rolling with the punches, and hopefully, you don’t get punched.
Play Everyone needs to play with each other. Like talking, this formulates bonds with within the family that are hard to break. Whether it be on the Wii, shooting some hoops outside, or Phase 10, everyone needs to play. There is no age limit on fun, and it is especially important to keep this routine going as the kids get older and start to have things to do with their friends. It will be difficult to find a balance between letting them go and explore relationships outside of the family unit, but that is what a successful family does.
Lastly, live with no regrets. Everyone in the family will make a mistake. See it as an opportunity to learn. A lot of these things are common sense. Yet, we get lost in the uncommon too quickly, and forget what we are supposed to do and how it’s supposed to be done. Reflect, readjust, react proactively.
July ⎮ www.shhgirl.com⎮ 17
Talk and Dialogue Talk. Talk. And talk some more. I’m an advocate for family time, whether it be around the dinner table or around a card game. It’s important that all stakeholders in a family feel comfortable talking to each other…not just one particular person. Celebrate and grieve together. In all circumstances, share.
Little Girl, Big Dreams Serita Monet`
At first I must admit I didn’t really react until I received this picture of her holding her work of art! I was in total amazement at the fact that my 7 year old accomplished something that I have never tried nor even had the desire to try. She took on a project and completed it. From the drawing, to selecting the fabric all the way to the sewing of the hems—she amazed me! Yes, I had that moment when I watched with my very own eyes my daughter discover her passion for herself. I look forward to the days when she will be designing for the masses. So watch out world... Designs by TJW Coming to a Target near you!
July ⎮ www.shhgirl.com⎮ 19
As a mommy, I have watched my daughter grow into her own little person that is discovering who she is and what her interests are. As a parent you wait for the day that your child discovers what they have a passion for. My daughter has always had a passion for fashion. I remember as a baby in a stroller she would point out what she thought was stylish. From bright colors, to fine silks and extremely high heels, she loved it all (especially anything with “Bling Bling”). It never crossed my mind that she would come to me and say that she wanted to design and create clothing. Especially since I can’t sew a button. I encourage my daughter to explore all her interests. So I wasn’t surprised when she called me while visiting an aunt and told me that she had designed and made her first dress.
Love is not Sex; Quiana Darcell It took me about 10 years to understand that sex and love ultimately have nothing to do with each other. Love is pure and not defined by the act of sex. Love refers to many different feelings, states, and attitudes…not any act of sexual nature. In truth, love can be romantically shown through intimacy without a sexual act. Until very recently, I had true love confused with sex. I was given a definition of love by someone and had to rethink all of my thoughts. I thought that sex just wasn't meant to be an act with just anyone, but with someone you loved. My confusion began some years ago when I was still untouched:
July ⎮ www.shhgirl.com⎮ 20
The first guy that I ever slept with was a man that I ended up dating for 2 years...now if you would have asked me then if I knew that would have happened, I would have said no. In the basement of a friend’s house on our second meeting, I was on the floor getting down with this man I didn't even know. I thought to myself the next morning as I watched him get dressed, "How did this happen?” The next thoughts and rants to my friend in the car on the way home were "I am such a slut; who does these things on their first time; wow, I may never even see him again, and I don't even have his number or know his last name." After letting me go on for about three minutes, my friend stopped me. She assured me that since that was my first time, I couldn't very well call myself a slut, nor did I have to worry about him thinking that. She told me that he was a very sweet guy and that he would probably at least want to date me. The only thing I was proud of is that I waited until I was a senior in high school and didn't waste away my goodies on
Later that day he called me and asked when we could go out, just the two of us, on a real date and not a "set up get together" at someone else’s house. I was shocked, but very excited at the same time. Over the next few months our relationship progressed at a fast pace. At 17 I have to say for my first real boyfriend he was setting a standard. He was the perfect gentleman that you only see in the movies—bringing flowers, opening doors, complementing, sweet, kind, and giving. With that for some reason I always felt the need to end the nights by giving him some good love before he took me home. We had a summer of good loving after I graduated. Early in the morning, in the afternoon, in the evening...at any given time it was on.
He was 19 so he never turned it down...although on a number of phone conversations he used to talk about trying new things for dates instead of the same old boring dinner and sex before we go home. I don't know why I thought that it was the sex that made him stay. All good things come to an end. About two years later, we ended up breaking up because he was away in college while I was home trying to figure out what I wanted to do with myself. I was devastated. It turns out that this engineering major was attracted to a girl from his school that he had more in common with than just good sex, and ultimately, in the end, would later make her his wife. About a month after that first real heartbreak, I started sleeping with another guy...not sure why I thought I had the kryptonite that would make a man want to stay and actually be committed to me for that one reason alone, but I did.
Sex is not Love... Someone once told me that in order to get into a relationship and make it work you must get rid of all the things given to you from previous partners. It was said that when you give yourself to a man he gives you something that lies in your spirit and until you release it, you can never fully be free and give yourself completely to another. I often wonder the path I would be on had I not had this confusion from the beginning. Where my life would have led me; how many mistakes would have never been made. But the choices were made and I can’t take anything back. Instead now, at 28 I am trying to do just what I remember being told. I have made a list of the men that I have to give back what they put in my spirit, because I truly believe that is why I am alone now. All that I have carried from previous partners has stayed in my spirit and made me the somewhat bitter woman that I am today. I apologize to the man who may have been meant for me but because of the past spirit inside, I didn't love you correctly or love you enough or maybe not even at all. But today I give back to the men from the past all that I have carried inside of me, so that when my true love comes I can love, right and with all that I have. Now I know that sex has nothing to do with love and love has nothing to do with sex.
July ⎎ www.shhgirl.com⎎ 21
I believe that is what happened. After starting it the wrong way, with the right guy, I continued my life down a path of destruction. My first actually came to me about a month after I started sleeping with the new guy asking for a chance to make it work; cold hearted, and lust-filled I turned him down. From the moment I started with the second guy it was down hill from there. I met a number of good and bad guys and slept with some, not knowing what I was doing to myself. I kept giving myself to men that I thought would give themselves to me not knowing that sex was not the way to get love. I would give sex, then gifts, then my heart, only to get back nothing in return but the D. At the end of the day, after the men who lived with their girls, men who had a number of "friends" but could never commit, men who said "I love you" only because they knew I was just dumb enough to believe, men with good jobs, men with no jobs, and even married men...all let me down and left me in a cold bed at night.
July ⎮ www.shhgirl.com⎮ 22
How to
M a
It all & n a ge
still be Happy Jennifer Grace
Hi. My name is Jennifer. Yes, you know me! I’m that mom! You know the one – continually donning a motley assortment of brightly-colored life hats. Trying constantly to “make it all happen” and keep each and every single ball in the air while running aflutter here and there all over this maze we call life. Why yes, I am that commuter girl feverishly Blackberry’ing her PTO todo lists, grocery shopping reminders, and various “don’t forget to”s! The one trying to remember everything, set a strong example for her daughter, and embody the “women can do it all” mantra that the magazines, pop culture, and our mothers would have us believe.
Oh, how I wish I could say that I am an expert in this arena! Indeed, however, I’m just like you – another busy woman with a wide assortment of callings and commitments. While I certainly don’t claim to have all the answers, here are a few strategies I (try to!) use to keep myself moving in the right direction...
Stop Waiting For and/or Expecting “Perfect” …because trust me, it ain’t never happenin’! We place an inordinate amount of pressure on ourselves to perfectly do (and be!) everything. Look perfect. Perfectly decorated house. Perfect relationships. Perfect presentations at the office. Perfect, perfect, perfect! While you continue to hold yourself accountable to an unattainable standard, life continues on around you. You can choose to punish yourself for failing to cross an unreachable finish line, or you can lace up your sneakers, jump right in and enjoy the ride. Strive for the best that you can be, and be it. That, my friends, is the true definition of “perfect.” (You’re welcome, Merriam Webster!)
July ⎮ www.shhgirl.com⎮ 23
Invest In Organization I deliberately use the word “invest” because being organized (hell, GETTING organized!) is a huge time investment - one, trust me, that will pay off in huge dividends. It’s simply impossible to juggle every single ball placed within your grasp if you don’t know whether or not you’re coming or going, where it is that you’re coming or going to, or what’s expected of you when you get there! Use whatever tool of the trade serves your needs (I’m more of a handwritten planner kinda girl myself, but if an eorganizer’s more your speed, I say go for it) to chart out your days, itemize your tasks, and keep your schedule straight. Know where you are, where you’re supposed to be, and what contributions you’ll be expected to make upon your arrival.
Learn How to Say “No.” You can do it. Say it with me, now! No. NO. NO! Refusing to augment your busy life with yet another responsibility does not make you a bad person. I’ve for the longest time been of the “help everyone, do everything” ilk, and, while a noble person it may make me, an insanely busy person it makes me as well (and heavy on the insane). I’m learning that it’s truly better to decline an additional task than to accept it in the best of intention and not give it (or, more importantly, MYSELF) the proper and due attention. Let someone else make treats for your office function or man that booth at the church fundraiser. Trust me, it will get done without your involvement (and if it doesn’t, no one will die!)
July ⎮ www.shhgirl.com⎮ 24
Make Time For Yourself This is absolutely critical. In the absence of a forced battery recharge, you simply cannot continue to propel yourself forward and maintain solid footing. Find something, even something small, that brings you joy and make it your own. Wake up an hour earlier and take a walk. Splurge once a month on a babysitter and dinner with your significant other or girlfriends. Make the investment in yourself that you truly deserve. Be you busy and overextended, you also deserve to be happy.
Avoid Negativity It’s inevitable. Self-doubt and the “Why Can’t I Do It All?” guilt creep in when we least expect them, depleting us of our precious energy and re-directing our thoughts away from the good around and inside us. Make an active, deliberate choice to think positively. Focus on the good. Be grateful for what you have. Easier said than done sometimes, I know. But try. Keeping yourself afloat in the busy current of life isn’t easy, but it IS do -able. I hope that my ideas are helpful to you.
You Can Advertise Here Find out how by emailing: advertising@shhgirl.com
July ⎮ www.shhgirl.com⎮ 26
Celebrating the Cover Release of ShhGirl! @ Firefly We Work Hard…..We Play Hard
ShhGirl! celebrated the release of the Premier Cover @ FireFly Lounge in Kansas City, MO April 9, 2010 With all our friends and supporters
July ⎎ www.shhgirl.com⎎ 27
Thank you all for helping us celebrate!!
Deal
BRE AKE RS
Jeremy Raymond
Ladies, guys are pretty simple and there are some things that you should know that can MAKE or BREAK your Relationship.
“Me Tarzan, you Jane”: A woman with a little risk and ad‐ venture in her is definitely a plus (or if she’s willing to go along with what he wants to do every now and then). A guy needs a “Jane” who is down for going on a few crazy escapades ever so of‐ ten.
July ⎮ www.shhgirl.com⎮ 28
Room to breathe: We love ya, and we definitely love spending quality time with you, BUT a little space is good in a relationship! You need to have your hobbies/ friends and he should have his. If he spends some extra time out with the guys or playing a little XBox, don’t try and make him feel guilty about it...do YOUR thing. That’ll make it that much better when you see each other again. Stroke it a little: Have you ever been told that you do something REALLY well? What happens the next time you do it? BINGO!! You do it even better. Well, us guys LOVE being told when we’re good at something, As a matter of a fact, we don’t always remember everything you tell us, BUT if you tell us we’ve excelled at some‐ thing in particular, it sticks to us like doo rags on foreheads. So it’s a win/win situation in the long run. Don’t be afraid to stroke that ego a little…what did you think I was talking about?
Speaking of apes: Pluck, tweeze, Nair, hot wax, or whatever other new wave Brazilian tech‐ nique they’re experimenting with…the Buckwheat situation has got to go! A woman has got to keep her sexy up. We un‐ derstand and appreciate get‐ ting comfortable or “keeping it real” when you’ve been in a re‐ lationship for a second. But we’ve got to be confident in knowing that you can keep your womanly appeal in tiptop shape. Besides it’s not a good look.
July ⎮ www.shhgirl.com⎮ 29
Bring sexy back: We know its not easy being beautiful, and it may take some time and work. How‐ ever; when it’s time to turn on a little Baby Face and dim those lights, she has to know how to bring that “sexy back”… YEP, that means lose the scarf, granny panties, and that long Alf t‐shirt and slip into something appealing to your guy. She MUST have a good sense of what gets his Barry White voice bassing, if you know what I mean.
Got my back: A woman has got to have her man’s “back” and sup‐ port when he feels passionate about something. On the other hand, though, she should have the ability to offer a cool, calm in‐ terjection if his “passion” is igno‐ rance or just plain male bravado (that doesn’t happen much, though).
July ⎮ www.shhgirl.com⎮ 30
It’s a thin line: If you order a coke and you and the bubbly waitress brings back a Pepsi, a butter knife to her forehead may be a sign that you’re a bit “off”. A woman has got to have a sense of calm about her, sometimes things can get rough in a relationship (or life for the matter), and a man has to know that Ms. Bates, over here isn’t going to go all Psycho on him. So Yoga or Tai Chi it up la‐ dies, us fellas need a well centered partner before we can make it “official”. A family affair: Men are not real huge fans of drama (I missed that last Meryl Streep blockbuster); therefore, it is vital that your fam‐ ily does not have a “flair” for the dramatic. If your little brother bops up to your boo asking “What set you claimin,” that may be a red flag in a potential’sbook. The san‐ ity of your family is sometimes out of your hands, but we don’t need these misfits showing up to the crib on Thanksgiving. Just sayin.
Lighten up: She has to “get” him. From Carrot Top’s trunk –o‐ tricks to Chris Rock’s “in your face” co‐ medic style, sense of humor varies from person to person. A fella is looking to make it official with a girl who gets his sense of humor and won’t pull out the mace if he gets her with the ol’ pull my finger gag, or falls into a depression if he slips in an old school “yo mamma” joke (personal fave: “yo mamma so skinny, she’s got to jump around in the shower to get wet!).
The way to a man’s heart: Before you say I’m a chauvinist and “it’s 2010!” there is legitimately something to this quote! Men like to eat, and it’s just an added bonus if his lady can throw down in the kitchen (not saying she would need to do it everyday, but have the ABILITY to, need be)…you’d be surprised what a well‐ fed guy will do!! Crystal ball: She must have a vision. The dreams and aspirations she has are those that must align with his to a certain extent. There are some things that may be non negotiable, (i.e., kids, life‐ style, fried or baked), in his book. You may want to get all that out in the open before making it official, some rules may change the game.
OK, momma: Although we can act like it at times, we are not thirteen year old prepu‐ bescent boys who need constant reminders on what needs picked up, cleaned, the mess we made, why did we, how come we? AAHHHH! If we wanted another mother we would’ve just stayed home (BUT we proba‐ bly wouldn’t have you either, had we done that). DO…NOT…NAG. Now I know what your thinking, “If I didn’t say anything it would never get done!” and “If he would just do it then I wouldn’t have to!” You may have a point. However, if you want to take it to that next step without your man worrying about the well‐being of his eardrum, be crea‐ tive without being “momma”.
Can you kick it: A major trait in determining whether or not he takes it to that next level is her kickability. Yes, kickability! Can she rock that black and gold jersey on game day? Put that worm on the hook and knock back a cold one with the guys? Can she be the kind of woman that people ask about when he’s out on his own (and not just for small talk, but because she’s just genuinely that damn cool)? A guy looks for that chick that can be the life of the party, turn heads, and make a lasting impression on the folks she
Love to love ya: This may be a given, but L‐O‐V‐E is ultimately the name of the game! She has to love him and he has to know it.
July ⎮ www.shhgirl.com⎮ 31
A house divided: A com‐ mon view on GOD and re‐ ligion is a quality that she must have with her com‐ panion to be. Imagine a reality show capturing the day‐to‐day life of newlyweds Joyce Meyer and Osama Bin Laden. Sure, you’d watch, but I don’t think there’d be a season two (or a second episode)! Need I say
Hot Yoga. Hot Body. The Benefits of Bikram Yoga
July ⎮ www.shhgirl.com⎮ 32
Emily Stout My Experience… It had been many years since I tried Bikram yoga (also known as “Hot Yoga”) and I was ready to dive back into it again. After registering for a class and getting the run down on what to expect, I changed and proceeded into the yoga room. Instantly I was hit in the face with the wall of 105 degree heat. Whoa. I laid on the mat to acclimate myself to the heat and soon found myself dozing off into a meditative state. After the 30 minutes of acclimation time passed, the instructor came in right on the dot and started class. I have never sweated so much in my life dur‐ ing a workout. They’re not kidding when they say you are going to sweat buckets, get dizzy, and be overwhelmed at times. I stretched and sweated and grunted my way through the 90 min‐ ute class with a modi‐ cum of success; but when I was finished, I felt fabulous. I quickly signed up for the month of unlimited classes for the first‐ timer and started go‐ ing twice a week. Af‐ ter a week or two, I was going three times a week. It wasn’t long before I started to notice the improvements in my body. My joints stopped hurting (shoulders, hands, and hips especially), my breathing became easier, and my back didn’t feel stiff anymore. Best of all my diet cleaned out on its own. I 32 was drinking water like a camel, eating greens like nobody’s business, and the results were astonishing. I felt healthier than I’d ever felt before.
July ⎮ www.shhgirl.com⎮ 33
About Bikram Yoga… I was so entranced with the practice of Bikram Yoga and what it had done for me in such a short time, I bought Bikram’s book and the at‐home CD to practice with in‐between classes. I highly recommend reading his book: Bikram Yoga (The Guru Behind Hot Yoga Shows the way to Radiant Health and Personal Ful‐ fillment). Bikram Choudhury was born in Calcutta, in the Indian state of Ben‐ gal. At a young age Bikram became a student of Bishnu Ghosh, considered the greatest physical culturist to emerge in the last 500 years, and was internation‐ ally known for being a doctor, an engineer, a professor, an athlete, a poet, a philosopher, and a lawyer. For 20 years Bikram worked side by side with Bishnu healing the sick and injured through yoga. A 24‐hour prescription would be devised according to that certain person’s condition; what to eat, what not to eat, and what specific yoga postures to do as well. In March of 1965, Bikram traveled to Bombay where he began to formalize the idea of what is now known as Bikram Yoga; the same 26 postures in the same order every time in a 105 degree heated room. In July of 1973 Bikram came to Los Angeles and opened his first studio where he began to spread the benefits of Bikram Yoga to the rest of the world, just as his guru wanted him to do. Practicing Hatha Yoga (the branch of yoga Bikram falls into), is best described by Bikram Choudhury when he says Hot Yoga is “like getting a complete over‐ haul for your body. Full service! It cleans the gaps between your spark plugs, lubricates your joints, adjusts your fluid levels, changes the oil in your gearbox, rotates your tires and fills them to the correct psi.” It’s true! After regular vis‐ its, the body is completely overhauled and ready to go. Bikram Yoga takes practice, but with most things, the rewards are well worth it. If you’ve been looking for a way to kick‐start healthy living, but don’t want to join the masses of people who enroll at gyms just to compete for an ellipti‐ cal, this might be for you. It’s more than just exercise; it’s a complete mind, body, and soul health regimen. We can all benefit from that. Namaste.
Awl
HEYAL Nawl ! July ⎮ www.shhgirl.com⎮ 36
(oh hell no!)
One woman’s rant on the world. Kyle Ashley
"....I am woman....hear me %$#@&!...."
I'm a practical woman who has never relied on her womanly wiles to lure men (my inner tomboy won't let me), but her love for conversation (and her brilliant personality!). It pains me to know that just because I speak my truths a certain way, that it can't just be that. When I make my observations, I am not speaking the law, nor the gospels. I simply speak on what I see, hear, read, experience, live, or breathe on a daily basis. Yes I may be a bit snarky, but the one thing I want people to know is this: when I speak my mind, it's not to be a bitch or snarky, but I just speak my mind freely without censorship because it's not conducive to MY growth and development. I might speak in general terms at times, but please believe, my opinions don't represent any entity I am involved in other than MYSELF.
July ⎮ www.shhgirl.com⎮ 37
In regards to my opinions and how I choose to express them, I've been called numerous things. Opinionated. Mean. Bitter. Combative. Argumentative. Asshole. B!tch. Attention whore. Hypocritical. Most of those have come from men. I can't lie and say that I am not nor never have been any of those things. It's a part of life and growing up. But I choose to call and other women who may be of the same ilk different names. Brash. Brazen. Sassy. Assertive. Most of all, HONEST. I embrace qualities because I am not meek. I'm not a quiet person. Never have been, never will be and I have the report cards to prove it. I'm not a prim, demure woman. Feminine? Yes. I like to get dolled up like any other woman. I love makeup and I have a shoe fetish in my mind because I can't afford it in real life. Ha! But I also watch football, enjoy fishing, I'm not afraid to get my hands or my feet dirty, and my love of shoes include sneakers.
July ⎮ www.shhgirl.com⎮ 38
People have tried to make the trials that women go through a figment of our imagination. Last week at a lounge, I was hav‐ ing a conver‐ sation with a young man who seemed nice enough, but turned out to be a bit naive. When I ex‐ plained to him the disdain and some‐ times out‐ right dislike of Black women, he seemed to disagree and went to the standard ar‐ gument for anyone dis‐ puting these observations, "you must hang around people from the inner city." Mind you, he was 29 and college edu‐ cated but this is where the problem lies: he's an African American man who grew up in rural Toganoxie, KS raised by his grandparents. No, I didn't grow up in the inner city, but I do have friends, family, acquaintances, and business associ‐ ates who have and they are nothing like the world portrays them to be. He had a hard time believing that the ills of Black women have been brought to attention by the men that women are desperately seeking to find. The suave, college educated, upwardly mobile, luxury car, trendy part of town residing, pedigreed brotha. He seemed to think that it was only a certain type of man who would say such things. The point I had to make to him was just because our truths may differ, does not make mine any less of a TRUTH.
Women, if you have a fir, a passion for some‐ thing and it might not flow with popular opin‐ ion, ROLL WITH IT. Ponder upon all angles of any situation before coming to conclusions. Never let anyone or anything make you feel as if you don't have the breasticular fortitude to stand your ground. Speak your truths no mat‐ ter how unpopular, controversial, and pro‐ vocative they may be while maintaining a level of dignity and respect for others, even when they may not give you the same in return. Don't be afraid or ashamed to share your se‐ crets. :)
July ⎮ www.shhgirl.com⎮ 39
I'm starting to wonder if men take issue with women being so strong in their opinions and convictions because they want a prim and proper woman who sits quietly playing the background, or because when we start mov‐ ing into and BASKING in OUR OWN spot‐ light, they feel as if it's diminishing theirs? Men, please know that there are some women who do what they do not to take anything away from you, but to give to themselves. We are not any less of a woman than the chick who sits pretty and says noth‐ ing. A woman who can eloquently (or not so at times lol), intelligently, yet firmly speak her mind without belittling others is a woman that you should be proud of. We have stories that need to be heard. We seek the camaraderie of other women whilst do‐ ing so. We talk, rant, rave, blog, to get these things off our chest and ultimately, find a so‐ lution. Provocative? Sure, but it inspires dia‐ logue. Some healthy, some not so much. Some of our issues (in)directly involve you. It's not fueled by a hatred of men but for a love of ourselves and the betterment of other women. We may be harsh in some of the things we say, but it's not to take the position of men. We become better women in hopes that you will become better men. If you meet a woman who may come off strong, if she's smart enough and if you're worth it, know that she will turn that OFF when need be and she's as soft as butter. You just have to keep in mind that while she might be in touch with her softer side, do not try to put out her fire. Remain confident that she is not taking away from her man‐ hood while embracing her womanhood and the ups and downs that come with it.
MUSEUMS...more than what you think
July ⎮ www.shhgirl.com⎮ 40
Adrianne Nichole
True or false: Museums are stoic, boring monoliths full of objects someone with an advanced degree has deemed priceless, musty, old houses crammed to the rafters with some dead rich guy’s stuff or so-called historic places where fatigued volunteers endlessly drone on about how the founding mothers made their own butter. Luckily, that is entirely untrue, particularly in the Kansas City Metropolitan area where you can experience an astonishing array of museums of all subjects and sizes. Researchers far more brilliant than me have spent untold hours determining what type of visitor enjoys a particular type of museum. Usually those studies focus on attributes like whether folks want to be their own guide, use interactive doo-dads or have someone tell them what they’re looking at. It is my belief that what type of museum you choose to visit has as much to do with your personality as the methods in which you experience it. So for your future museum-visiting pleasure, I have compiled a list of local treasure repositories guaranteed to please any disposition.
July ⎮ www.shhgirl.com⎮ 41
The Art Historian Anyone who fancies themselves an art aficionado should head to The Nelson-Atkins Museum of Art in Kansas City, Missouri. Located a stone’s throw from the Country Club Plaza and celebrating its 75th anniversary, this museum has a vast collection that spans the breadth of humanity’s artistic achievements. Practice your museum pose (hands clasped behind your back, head nodding contemplatively) while you explore the Steven Holldesigned Bloch Building, check out the newly-reinstalled Egyptian, Greek and Roman galleries or stroll through the Kansas City Sculpture Park and definitely make time to indulge your Italian-villa fantasies while noshing on Rozzelle Court Restaurant’s delectable desserts. Note: Please refrain from trying to impress your friends with falsified art facts as you never know who may be listening. Seriously—don’t be that guy. The Tim Burton Fan If your tastes lean toward the surreal, unique and slightly macabre, make your way to nearby St. Joseph, Missouri and visit the Glore Psychiatric Museum, a site that details the history of the facility originally known as “State Lunatic Asylum No. 2.” Its namesake founder, George Glore, spent 41 years working in the Missouri mental health system and started the museum in hopes of eradicating the negative image often associated with mental health patients. Items include a bed sheet used by a patient to communicate via embroidery, barbaric tranquilizer chairs, and the contents of a patient’s stomach who compulsively swallowed buttons and safety pins and examples of the hospital’s groundbreaking therapy programs. The History Channel Addict Those who find themselves fascinated by military history will find themselves at home in the National World War I museum, located at Liberty Memorial in Kansas City, Missouri’s Penn Valley Park. To enter the museum you cross a glass bridge over a field of 9,000 poppies, each flower symbolizing the death of 1,000 soldiers, nine million the world over. It has the distinction of being the only museum in the United States dedicated to that period in history, as told by the people who experienced it. Life-sized trench replicas, war propaganda, weapons and oral histories come together brilliantly in one of Kansas City’s most cherished landmarks. The B-Bopper Jazz heads need to hoof it down to the American Jazz Museum in Kansas City, Missouri’s 18th & Vine District. Even if you’re not a jazz fan (warning: you may soon find yourself downloading scads of it from iTunes) this distinctly American musical art form whose influence can be seen in blues, b-bop, gospel and rhythmic pop, is thought by many as the soundtrack of our collective history. You can view musical instruments, photographs and, of course, listen to some of the maestros of jazz such as Charlie “Bird” Parker in the neighborhood in which the distinctive Kansas City jazz sound was formed. The exhibition “Atlantic Diaspora: The Musical and Social Influences of Africans in Mexico and the United States” is a must-see. Don’t forget the nearby Blue Room jazz club containing artifacts from the jazz era and featuring national and local jazz acts as well as spoken-word performances (finger-snaps expected and appreciated). This list is by no means exhaustive but it hopefully offers a jumping-off point as you begin to explore Kansas City’s diverse and fascinating museums. Your next adventure awaits!
Increase Your Income Everyone desires an in-
This journey will require fo-
•
seek out raises on their
your part. Don’t simply read
•
crease in income. They
jobs. They get involved in investing. They are attracted to multi-level
businesses. This is all
done in the name of increase.
cus and commitment on
Determine Who Needs this Problem Solved
Determine How You
Can Solve This Prob-
and enjoy this valuable in-
lem
formation. Follow through
with every step so you can
Lou Ann
•
Determine How You Can Package it to
see and experience the
them in a very low or
manifestation of increase in
no cost way
your live.
•
Then Get Started
The one thing we neglect
Don’t allow anything to hin-
way of increase based on
watching others accomplish into increasing your income.
der you. Stop sitting back
These steps will move you
their dreams and goals.
By doing them, you will cre-
us that we fail or neglect
things happen in your life.
to funnel income into your
opens doors of opportu-
works is dead.” And “Be a
to do is seek out our own our God given potential.
There is potential inside of Take a bold step in making to activate. This potential nity to bring increase into our lives.
It’s time for you to discover and walk in your
Remember, “Faith without doer of the word and not just a hearer.”
ate an avenue or channels life by using what you already know and have.
Remember, you are in con-
trol of your destiny. Why not
God is waiting on you to use take control today. the power He has given you
July ⎮ www.shhgirl.com⎮ 42
God given potential. Once to get wealth. You have the you discover your poten-
power in your God-given
to bring increase to your
discover, and unleash your
tial, you will realize ways finances.
However, even though you
potential. Are you ready to God given potential? •
will discover your God
given potential, you must
•
put actions with it. Noth-
•
tions. My favorite quote is
•
ing happens without ac-
Life Design Coach, Lou Ann Kent is passionate about helpyour potential ing people achieve the life God Pick A Subject Area has design for them. If you Discover A Problem To would like to learn more about Solve In This Area Lou Ann, check her out at this Problem Solved www.louannkent.com.
Ask God to show you
Always a Bridesmaid Quiana Darcell
July ⎮ www.shhgirl.com⎮ 44
Always a bridesmaid…never a bride…but what about always a whore…never a housewife. There is a saying that you can’t turn a whore into a housewife, but what about turning the housewife into a whore. I believe that every woman has the quality to be a great housewife to the man she was meant for, but there are so many times that we don’t wait for what is meant. We want it now; we take it now; we settle for what it is we think we want; we when make ourselves believe that there is something there that really isn’t. It is in my opinion that a man can make that great woman with housewife qualities become a whore…
For a while I was always bitter about being a certain age and never being married. I started to wonder what was wrong with me when I always felt like I was a great woman and God just had to have my great husband out there somewhere. Not someone who wanted to play and not stay; or even someone who gave me half but not all. Yes, I thought there had to be something wrong with this 29 year old single woman who has never been married. I envied friends who had been married…once, twice, or even three times and we were all the same age still wondering how I still had yet to make it to the altar.
Enough of me trying to find him; whoever he is will find me because that is the way that God intended for us to meet. There is no need to date, talk to, or sleep with every man in the city until I think I have found him because that will only lead to heart break and maybe even things that I don’t really want or need to deal with right now. It is every girls dream (even if she tries to deny it) to walk down the aisle in a lovely ball gown fit for a princess. Instead of wondering what is wrong with me and why hasn’t it happened to me I have decided to focus on the reality of the situation. I am not a whore or a housewife. I am a woman waiting for things to happen the way that they have been designed to happen. Right now I am in a different place than I was a year ago today so getting married should no longer be top priority on my list. I choose to focus on my two little girls that need me to be a great role model that they can one day say they are proud to call mom; showing them that mommy never gave up on her dreams and worked at it until I made those dreams come true. The dreams that I can control such as a degree and a career are top on my list. That man…he will find me. No longer worried about who, what, when, where, or how he will and just know that when it is my time God will send him.
July ⎮ www.shhgirl.com⎮ 45
One problem is not understanding how we get to become that whore or the one that a man just wants to play with. There was a guy that I thought could be the one for me. I jumped in head first and I am still trying to recover from the huge bump on the head because I didn’t see the big red stop sign. From the beginning of a relationship it is often pretty clear where it is headed or how it will probably turn out. I gave and gave in every way trying to show him that I could be all that he needed in a woman. I ignored the bold signs in the words that he said and the things that he did that meant that all that I could do would never be enough. He knew what he wanted, got it and moved on. So has been the same for all of my previous relationships. It is always me trying to make it work and not opening my eyes to what is reality. Envying my friends…They have been married and most divorced one, two, and three times. Why envy this? Yes they have had the weddings that I still dream of but why envy something that didn’t last. Yes I want a dream wedding, but what does that mean in the end if the result is unhappiness. When I marry I want it to be forever…so I would say being single and never married is better than having a wedding with an unhappy ending.
We’re not making Love…...
July ⎮ www.shhgirl.com⎮ 46
Quiana Darcell
For all my ladies (and gentlemen) who were 80’s babies you know exactly what I’m talking about. As 80’s babies when we were old enough to know about love and wanting to be in love we had songs such as Let’s Talk about Sex, Bump N Grind, Cry for You, I’m Going Down and other favorites that were more about fun rather than really making love. Not discrediting the love songs that were in the 90’s that were really about love, but not saying much about making love which makes me wonder is this the reason we don’t make love anymore. I mean there were songs like Boyz II Men’s I’ll Make Love To You, or even Faith Evans Soon As I Get Home, but it seemed like the ones that were more about fun and play are the ones we heard the most on the radio. What happened to songs like the ones that came years before like Between the Sheets, Always & Forever, Can’t Get Next to You.
It is in this change of the type of songs that we grew up listening to that has changed the way we make love…or now just have sex. Seems like sex is just that; sex, no one makes love anymore? I am almost sure that maybe I don’t even know what making love is. Is it that no one is really in love anymore and it is more about doing what has to be done only to get that one great stroke that brings that great feeling that doesn’t last that long? What about it being about more than just that feeling in that moment. What about it being about making love to me…not pounding on me to get that feeling you need and jumping off of me. Can you take your time and really love on me…all of me. Kiss me from head to toe and I will gladly do the same. Ask me if I like it…and for goodness sakes quit asking me if its yours…do you really think I’m gonna say its John’s???LOL I’m just saying. I want you to take your time and let me know that you appreciate what you’re getting and I will definitely let you know I appreciate what you are giving. Candles, kisses, and fourplay…I’m into all that. I hate to think that it is in the music that we listen to and the times that we are in that no one is into that anymore.
I was just talking to my friend who is a 70’s baby. She was telling me how the best thing about being with her man is that they are both always so into it because they enjoy being with each other. She said she never has a moment where she feels like she could have had a V8 or done it herself. They even sit around and put together “love making” cd’s…which she says that is something that I being an 80’s baby would know nothing about since all our love songs are about humping and grinding. LOL…What I’m saying…we may not have the love songs of yesterday, but that doesn’t mean I have to sacrifice good loving. Please me and I will please you. Give me what I need and you will get it in return. What’s the deal? You don’t want me to clown…so just do your job. Love on me…make love to me…I can play with myself!
July ⎮ www.shhgirl.com⎮ 47
Could it be in the porn that we see; those videos last anywhere from 5 to 30 minutes depending on the content. Is it because you think if you change up the positions that you are really doing your job; or if you hit it hard enough that she’ll scream and you’ve accomplished your goal? And what about these toys, got women thinking they don’t need a man to make it happen. There are so many females that would love to get it in to get that feeling and keep it moving…which may be causing the climb in sales for dildos…maybe they think why waste your time with a man who won’t do it right when you can do it yourself. Like you don’t need to be touched, kissed, or loved…all you need are batteries and a little imagination. It is hard for me to understand how the touch of someone has been replaced by something with no emotion or feeling at all. In my opinion there is absolutely nothing that a toy can do for me that a man can’t! LOL
You Can Advertise Here Find out how by emailing: advertising@shhgirl.com
Not in My Comfort Zone Quiana Darcell
About a year ago I made a move that I thought would be the best thing for my daughters and I. I thought I planned and prepared well. I looked into every detail and thought I made the best decision. The problem was that was it…I just thought.
July ⎮ www.shhgirl.com⎮ 50
Before I moved here I had everything that I needed and most of what I wanted. My girls were spoiled beyond belief and anything I wanted I got…materialistically. We had a beautiful three-bedroom, twobath townhouse, and for a moment before my brother ruined it I had a really nice car. Clothes and toys were never at a need – they had enough for them and three and four other little girls. I had the best job that without a degree anyone would kill for – making nearly $60,000 a year, able to work from home when I needed or wanted to. I was in high demand, had a great church home, family and friends that all loved us. With that, what would make someone want to leave and move all the way across the country to a new place? I still did it. I prayed about it and I thought that if I just went that everything would work itself out.
I came here and within a month became very depressed. Searching for a job was the hardest thing I had to do. Everyday dragging myself out of bed to get the girls ready for school – I no longer had the drive to do much of anything. I had to make myself do everything. A typical day was me getting up at 715 and the girls had to be at school at 740. I yelled at them until it was 730 about getting up and making themselves late for school. Then I would drop them off one usually late almost everyday. I would go to the library and apply to jobs – some of which I am sure I applied to more than once. Since they only give you two hours on the computer a day I would have 4 hours left to kill before picking them up. I would go back home and eat until I couldn’t eat anymore or have days where I ate nothing at all… thank God for those days or I would be well over 200 lbs by now. I would fall asleep crying, wondering why this happened to me. I kept praying and asking God why He would let me go through all of this mess. I would wake up, head pounding from all the crying I had been doing, fix my face just in enough time to rush out the door to be late to pick the girls up from school.
July ⎮ www.shhgirl.com⎮ 51
We would come back home and I would let them run wild and do whatever they wanted while I sat in my room trying to figure out how I was going to make our savings stretch even more since I didn’t have a job. It seemed like everyday here just got worse. From not knowing how we would make it through to the court battle; yes I said court battle. How do you go from being this powerful independent hardworking single mother to a scared young woman afraid of having her children taken away? Even today I am not sure if it was the fact that I didn’t have a job or the fear of my children being taken away from me that had me crying and depressed the most. Either way this move was not what I expected it to be. Thank God I found a church home. There are so many people that have loved and embraced the girls and me. We found many people that make us feel like family and have helped me to understand that everything is going to be ok. Although I know that it doesn’t change the fact that things are just completely different. A year later I have still yet to find a job. I have been kicked out of two homes and just recently that car that I used to love was taken away. There is not much family around that I can call on to neither babysit nor help with anything. Everything comforting has been taken away. With the church and looking at how I was becoming really down I decided to get myself back together. I am back in school and will be working shortly. I try my best to be positive and think of all the good things that I have and all the blessings that have happened in the midst of these storms. The girls are with their dad for the summer and I am getting myself together. When they come back everything will be back to normal…but one things for sure…I am definitely no longer in my comfort zone.
Labyrinth of Leadership Aretha Monique Ten months ago, I embarked on something that changed my life forever. I did not know, at the time, that this intensive and almost spiritual journey would push, prod, and cut at my inner core. On day one, our first assignment was to give a three to four minute presentation about ourselves, provide a prop, and answer the following: Who am I and how do I want to be as a Leader? Anyone who truly knows who I am knows my fear of public speaking. So, in an effort not to draw too much attention to myself, I sat somewhere near the back of the group, spoke only when spoken to, and waited until I was almost the last person to stand up and divulge my life and personal information to a bunch a strangers. When it was my turn, I sucked up my might, pulled out my prop, and said “Hello my name is Aretha and I am a mask.” (Like a mask, I want to observe others before they have the opportunity to observe me.)
July ⎮ www.shhgirl.com⎮ 52
I went on to complete my short intro full of anxiety and pain. By the end of the day, I was E X H A U S T E D. There were many days when I left the Urban League feeling completely drained from processing things from Kevin Cashman’s book Leadership from the Inside Out such as, “transformational leadership”, “persona versus character”, “courage”, “balance mastery”, “personal mastery”, “action mastery”, and “purpose”. On some days, I didn’t know if it was better for me to go straight to church and lay out on the altar surrendering myself to growth, or to just request that someone open the doors of the church right then and there. Either way, I needed some divine intervention. Every year, the Urban League of Greater Kansas City, under the leadership of Ms. Gwendolyn Grant, extends the Servant Leadership Development Program to young professionals as a way for them to grow in the areas of leadership, network with local and national civic leaders, expose them to opportunities on various boards and commissions, and charges them to execute team projects involving youth in the urban core. My involvement in the leadership program came about out of the blue. I received an email asking if I would be open to participating in a leadership program for young professionals. At the time, I was not as engaged in my community as I should have been, but the invitation was quite timely as I had been seeking for an opportunity to grow. I had no idea that this is what was prepared for me, but I graciously accepted the call.
Shortly after our retreat, I began to count down the days to our monthly sessions in anticipation. Overtime, my excitement turned from being What we are going to do today? and What can I take away from this? into How can I show them what I am made of? And when I truly let go, I started to see opportunities for application with my family, in social settings, at church, and at work. Two months before the end of the program, one of our program facilitators came and gave the group a symbolic description of leadership by way of a relating it to a Labyrinth. The labyrinth provides multiple paths in which you can choose. Some paths will require you to turn around and try again. Although difficult to navigate, a labyrinth has one single path that will lead to the center. For me, this ten month process was my Labyrinth of Leadership. Although I came to this program possessing leadership qualities, I was not able to navigate through this process until I began to be comfortable in the hand that was dealt to me, and peeled back some of the layers of my mask. Over the past months, others have seen me contribute more, observed me trying to think outside of the box more than usual, and communicate my thoughts more effectively. In doing so, I appear to be more comfortable in leading in general. I think that I have become more assertive, grown in self confidence, enhanced my gift of reflection to benefit my leadership style, released some of inhibitions and controlling conscious and unconscious fears, as well as becoming more comfortable in my own shoes as an authentic leader.
Now that I have gone through the program, I have learned that true servant leadership starts from within, it requires courage, and is much more worthwhile when you purposefully lead. It should never be done in vain, so one should always remember to reach back to help others. A servant leader is one who knows when to lead, and when to follow. Each role is vitally important. My name is Aretha Monique’. I am a leader who walks in character, holding authenticity in one hand and authority in the other.
To learn more about the newly named program, Project League, please check out the Urban League of Greater Kansas City website at www.ulkc.org or look for your local chapter of Urban League.
July ⎮ www.shhgirl.com⎮ 53
I realize I do not want to be a glorified leader who has so called reached the point of knowing all that there is to know about leadership. Rather, I strive to walk purposefully and humbly as the anonymous scribe detailed in writing the attributes of a Servant Leader - “One who KNOWS oneself. One who SEES the whole. One who LISTENS with understanding. One who CARES with competence. One who SERVES the common good. One who STRIVES for excellence. One who LEADS with passion. One who ENVISIONS a preferred future. One who INSPIRES others to share dreams. One who BUILDS a strong team to realize dreams. One who EMPOWERS others to grow. One who HOLDS the community in trust.”
You Can Advertise Here Find out how by emailing: advertising@shhgirl.com
Movie Review ⎮ Brittney Monique Sex and the City: The Movie A parade of wedding dresses can make any girl wish she were getting married and fortunately, it’s one of the many delights that were treated to in Sex and the City: the Movie. The highly anticipated reunion hit the big screens in summer of 2008, 4 years after the HBO hit series ended. But it came back with a bang. Our favorite single girl Carrie Bradshaw (Sarah Jessica Parker) finally gets the man, and closet, of her dreams, Mr. Big (Chris Noth). Too bad life’s not a fairytale and our knight in shining armor breaks our heart once again. However, life is about the journey. And it’s a good thing for Sex and the City: The Movie, the journey is worth it. The other girls also face their own on road blocks. Sex driven Samantha (Kim Cattrall) tries to be content in her new life but is finding that old habits die hard; career driven Miranda (Cynthia Nixon) is forced to deal with the consequences of neglect in her marriage and Charlotte (Kristen Davis) is given the greatest gift of all. Through overcoming the worst kind of heartbreak, learning how to forgive the unforgivable, and choosing to love yourself first, we are let into the very special bond these women hold and remember ourselves why your girlfriends will always be your girlfriends, no matter what.
Ahhh... New York City, who doesn't love it? Especially when combined with besties, fashion, booze and hot guys. Makes for one heck of a combination, right? Unfortunately, despite the return our four favorite girls, a killer sound track and an exotic overseas locale, Sex and the City 2 isn't all I dreamed it would be. We start off seeing what life is like a couple years down the road from the first movie. Then were thrown into an over the top extravaganza with a surprise celebrity guest appearance, which really gives the movie a great jump start. However, the movie fails at its attempt to reinvent itself. The girls find that the life they wanted for themselves is not easy, and they begin to question it. Still, the story as a whole is short of the substance we’re use to. It’s at many times predictable and the use of innuendos that should be funny, fall flat to the tune of 'we've already heard it before'. This movie lacks the chemistry of four real best friends that we're use to seeing in the series. Nevertheless, it’s still built around the same theme; love and friendship.
July ⎮ www.shhgirl.com⎮ 55
Sex and the City 2
July ⎮ www.shhgirl.com⎮ 56
Commentary As a current single girl, the first movie gives me hope that the one guy, the one that you want to be The One, actually turns out to be The One, and the two of you will ride off into the sunset. SATC 2 is the sunset and while not as dreamy as it’s romanticized to be, it’s real. When all the glam and glitter is gone, you’re left with the person you love and that should be enough; maybe that’s the lesson that Carrie learns in the second movie. As for me, I may not get my cues from still single girl Samantha, as she is highly oversexed and not looking to settle down, but I’ve gotten enough direction from the other formerly single ladies to know that it won’t be easy to find and won’t be easy to keep ; but it will be worth it.
What is your Breaking Point? What will make you end a relationship? Our Staff Answers
Adrianne says…. Chronic Dishonesty
Quiana says…. Abuse of any kind
Jen C says….
Phire says…. Not stabling a loving relationship with my kids
Robby says…. When both parties aren’t getting along
Lou Ann says…. When you stop putting forth an effort to grow
July ⎮ www.shhgirl.com⎮ 57
Unfaithfulness
Contribute to a Cause
July ⎎ www.shhgirl.com⎎ 58
Knowledge. Empowerment. It is the aim of ShhGirl! Magazine to give the empowering tool of knowledge to youth. How are we going to do that? Meet The Pencil Project. The Pencil Project is an initiative for students entering into the 10th-12th grades to gain one-on-one access to mentoring and coaching from professionals. Know a teen interested in media? Marketing? Finance? Public relations? Education? The Pencil Project is their opportunity to get the RIGHT foot in the door by learning from these professionals in a workshop format. Students who are selected to The Pencil Project will not only be learning about the industry, but will also be producing and marketing their very own issue of ShhGirl! Teen. In addition, there is an opportunity for participants to apply for an internship with ShhGirl! Magazine. We believe in investing in the abilities of women and children, creating powerful minds and ensuring a stable future. More Information Coming Soon!!!!
Contribute to a Cause Midtown Family Activities Center at Harris Park
As a budding athlete, Christopher Harris always had a penchant for reaching out to Kansas City’s youth. He turned his athletic abilities into civic leadership, and with support of family, The Harris Foundation was born. Offering programs such as adult men’s basketball, coed volleyball, girl’s and boy’s basketball, and girl’s cheerleading, The Harris Foundation strives to bridge athletic participation with community services to ensure healthy living. Get involved with your local youth organizations.
July ⎮ www.shhgirl.com⎮ 59
The Harris Foundation 4029 Wayne Avenue Kansas City, MO 64110 Tel. (816) 921-0982 Fax. (816) 921-3287 harrisfoundation@sbcglobal.net
What can’t you live without? Our Staff Answers
Serita says….. My iphone & ipod
Cristin says…..
July ⎮ www.shhgirl.com⎮ 60
Music & Love
Emily says…. Extra Peppermint Gum
Aretha says….. GOD
Lindsey says…. Pink
Unice says…. Water
September 2010 Guys Issue Tell us what you want to see‌. shhgirl@shhgirl.com
Business Resource Center
(816) 513-2492 • www.kcbizcare.com
Helping you with your small business needs.