Contents Editors Rambling Preface
3 'What do we get for our trouble and pain?' - Ann Coates.
4 Essays and Reviews 'A Taste of Honey at the national theatre' Reviewed 5 I won't Share Lou. 7 They were the Only Ones Who ever Stood by You
9 In defence of 'Heaven Knows I'm Miserable now' 10 Morrissey Will Not Back Down 12 'The World Still won't Listen - A tribute to The Smiths' Reviewed
14-15 Fan Art Morrissey Drawing by Juliane 6 Art by LMB 8 Art by CRI 11 Ink Drawings by Jakob 13 Ink Drawing by Jakob
16 Features 'Is it really so strange?' - Agony Aunts 17 'Games page' 18
SHOPLIFTERSMAG Editor's rambling preface Hello you little charmers! We are - umm.. Shopliftersmag - An online Fanzine (quite possibly the only) dedicated to the Smiths (though I imagine you have probably comprehended as much by now if you have gotten as far as this page) Sadly, for those of you who can remember the fanzines conception, the smiths have split since - but happily now the Smiths remain significant to many, and the careers of the exsmiths continue to be noteworthy (most recently the release of Morrissey's tenth studio album). The wait leading up to the first issue of the publication is entirely the fault of the editor, as you might imagine, so I can only apologise and thank everyone who contributed and sent the fanzine expectant messages, for without these individuals this wouldn't exist.
If you enjoy what you read and would like to read more then please do consider contributing, in whatever way you can.
We are looking for: Your pieces Whether that is your art, poetry, essays, reviews, comic, experiences, ideas for features or just your assembled maddened witterings: tis all welcomed.
Your editing/ Artistic skills/experience I must confess that I am far too inexperienced to sustain this in my own - and moreover too lazy. I am currently in the process of assembling an editing committee group, where you can post ideas and we can sort out roles and defer some of the editing to more talented individuals - for as
you may be able to detect from photoshop errors and occasionally quite shoddy formatting, a lot of this is beyond me. If you would like to be involved with that, please submit your email address to the zine so I can add you to the group editing blog 'thing' or alternatively if you don't have a tumblr account/aren't interested in that express in what way you would like to help via the Zine email/ inbox, thank you!
Your publicity If you do genuinely like this existing then I'd be ever so grateful of you could share around this first issue, or simply the blog wherever you feel appropriate (ideally banners from planes and if you work on the news and can sort something out then that'll be charming).
Other ways to contribute For the next issue there will be a feature on 'discovering the smiths'. (This was an idea suggested some time ago by) If you would like to theme the piece you intend on creating on that, then please do, although, of course, you don't have to. Alternatively, we'd be interested in short(ish) tales of Falling in love with/finding the music of the Smiths, to be compiled in spread. Alternatively, if you have a smiths related issue to be solved, then feel free to submit it to be ruminated over by our Smiths Agony Aunts. Submissions to the fanzine can be made via email at shopliftersmag@gmail.com, within the tumblr messaging/submit functions.
Now all that long winded nonsense is out the way, all I can say is thank you for reading, I hope you enjoy! Hannah
What Do We Get for our Trouble and Pain? Of course, just a rented room in Whalley Range. I'd be lying if I told you that Miserable Lie was my favourite Smiths song, and when you've got gems such as Still Ill, The Hand That Rocks The Cradle et cetera on the same album, you'd be quick to dismiss it as filler. Yet it has a special meaning to me for its casual way of mentioning this suburb of Manchester in which my mother does quite literally reside in a rented room. East of Stretford, North of Southern Cemetery and shadowed by Chorlton,I spend many a rainy weekend in my mother's dingy little flat wasting the days of my adolescence, thinking about life and death (how unappealing, I know). Being forced to go to there is what I get for my trouble and pain I guess. It's a strange little place though. The streets are lined with giant Victorian houses yet it's the bedsit capital of Manchester(hence the rented room)and there's bird poo everywhere. Historically it's Manchester's red light district but also has links with the Votes For Women movement in the early 20th Century (is there a correlation there?)
Perhaps what is of most interest to you, the bored and underwhelmed reader, is Morrissey's close friend and cemetery strolling companion, the artist Linder Sterling, who used to live down the road from where I am writing this now. I could go on and on about her impact on The Smiths and how much I adore her work, so I will, albeit briefly. If you have not listened to Ludus, go and do so now. It's sort of weird post punk experimental jazz and if anything it's strangely interesting. Sterling's idiosyncratic yelps sound quite familiar, don't they? Apparently when they played at the Hacienda Linder wore a meat dress made from discarded scraps from a Chinese. Sort of reminds me of Lady Gaga, dare I mention her name in such a publication. You may also recognise some of the gorgeous photos she has taken of Morrissey in the early 90s around tumblr or wherever you people spend your time on. She was on the Smiths special of the South Bank Show (which is a mandatory must see if you can dig it up on youtube, as well The Importance of Being Morrissey- mandatory viewing. Aside from all the Mozzerian links she's done a lot of fascinating stuff that you should all definitely look into, even if it is quite strange.
However I should probably get back to the point my miserable existence. Like all the little places which crop up in Smiths songs Whalley Range has become an immeasurably less dull and somewhat fascinating place once you learn of the shared slight distaste for the place. Whatever memories (fond, eye opening,or otherwise) Morrissey may have of the streets on which I was raised, I doubt I'll ever truly know, but I can wonder, if only to keep my mind from wondering about why there really is so much bird poo everywhere whilst I nip out to the Tesco Express on Upper Chorlton road to buy a pot of yoghurt. There is an annoying bloke who lives in the apartment above from my mum who constantly plays The Smiths (1984), yet he always skips Miserable Lie. I wonder why (probably because he thinks it's crap). I wish he didn't. My mum is considering moving out into her boyfriend's house in Rusholme. I hope she doesn't though, I've grown to like Whalley Range.
By Ann Coates
A Taste of Honey at the National Theatre Review It was during the 50’s that Joan Littlewood established the ‘Theatre Workshop’ out of which came some strong plays that often had a left wing, working class ideology. It was Littlewood who took up Shelagh Delaney’s script for a Taste of Honey and as part of the Joan Littlewood’s centenary the National Theatre is currently staging a revived production of the play. It is well documented that Shelagh Delaney was 19 when she wrote this seminal work, which she sent to Joan Littlewood, who subsequently shaped the script and directed the premier at the Theatre Royal Stratford East in London on 27 May 1958. The play was later made into a film, and remains an impeccable example of British New Wave cinema, as Morrissey well knew. As a Smiths fan I knew I had to see this production. There now follows an ‘however’. However, while this production cannot be dismissed as a disappointment, it’s not a triumph either. The set is inspired and looks like a Fritz Lang German Expressionist take on Salford. The storyline runs close to the film version, while the entire play takes place in the bedsit which Helen and her feisty daughter Jo move into. It’s hard not to compare the film version to this current stage production, and it is perhaps because the film is so iconic that my perspective of the play was coloured.
Helen is played by Lesley Sharp, and in contrast to Dora Bryan’s cinematic interpretation this Helen is younger, spiky and less convincing. Sharp sounds like John Cooper Clark as she deliverers her dialogue in rapid succession, without waiting for the irony of those lines to hit home. Jo’s character in many ways embodied Delaney’s own radical attitude in breaking with the status qua and Rita Tushingham’s performance certainly contributed to the film’s success. On stage at the National Jo is played by Kate O'Flynn, but her portrayal of Jo is weak and annoying, she didn’t seem to have anything to fight for, and came across as merely acting. Geoffrey’s character on the other hand is wonderful played by Harry Hepple, he remains the outside, ‘other’ whose own struggle to find his place reflects back Helen and Jo’s own charters. Dean Lennox Kelly as Peter is also wonderful; playing a lesser role he is funny with just the right hint of menace. Jazz and dance routines are employed as punctuations marks to break up the acts, this is simply unnecessary. This production does bring out some aspects of the script superbly though, for example, because the action all takes place in the same room it is startlingly more apparent how Jo seems to simply swap positions with Helen in the second half. The play also casts a bright spotlight on a world caught between epochal changes, as post war Britain hurtles towards what became the swinging sixties. The poignancy of the story lingers even in today’s hyper technological age, and by rights it should be a set text in literature education. It made me think the play could work equally set in the present day with actress like Vicky McClure involved.
If you had no previous knowledge of the period in British Cinema that became disingenuously dubbed ‘kitchen sink’, if you have never lived in the North, or knew nothing about the author, well then this production might be considered marvellous. The quotes are all there though for Morrissey fans to recognise. I wasn’t truly disappointed, but overall I felt the production was too burlesque, more vaudeville Coronations Street and less ‘Play for the Day’*. What remained the star throughout was the virtuosity of the writing.
*Play for the Day was a BBC anthology series of plays and drama by influential writers which ran between 1970 and 1984. http://www.britishtelevisiondrama.org.uk/?page_id=858
Rachel Brecht - @MissBrecht on twitter, also author of a chapter in 'Morrissey:Fandom, representation and identities' Morrissey: Fandom, Representations and IdentitiesPaperback by Eoin Devereux(Editor),Aileen Dillane(Editor),Martin Power(Editor) Publisher: Intellect Ltd (July 15, 2012) ISBN-13: 978-1841505961 http://www.intellectbooks.co.uk/books/view-Book,id=4753/
I Won't Share Lou Morrissey's latest release is a live cover version of the late, great Lou Reed's critically acclaimed single 'Satellite Of Love', recorded at his performance at Chelsea Ballroom, Las Vegas in 2011. Perhaps the audacity of covering a Lou Reed single has paid off for Morrissey, unlike predecessors in the past who have tried (but failed miserably) to accomplish the hard task of covering renowned Lou Reed tracks such as 'Perfect Day' or 'Walk On The Wild Side'. The success of Morrissey's cover songs has not always been consistent; his version of David Bowie's 'Drive In Saturday' may not have been the most flattering choice of song, but still, oddly, it works. Typically, in the cover, he alters the song both lyrically and musically, to put the 'M' into it, so to speak. The rather more aggressively sung chorus met with the powerful, yet reserved guitar riff in the bridge contrasts completely with Lou Reed's serenely spoken recording, avoiding the danger of imitation. Changing up the original lyrics of "I love to watch things on TV," for "I cannot stand TV," we are once again forcefully thrust into the world of Morrissey, encouraged not to hear just a cover song but something he has 'borrowed' and 'refurbished' to his own tastes. Furthermore, the fact that a studio recording of the song has not been provided gives it a very exclusive feel, exposing the raw emotion and realness so sorely associated with Morrissey's onstage presence. It isn't often that one can feel an artist's soul through the music they create, but with Morrissey, it's laid bare, alone and vulnerable for listeners to devour. Vocally, it does not disappoint, showcasing Morrissey's ability to sing in a deep tone, mature and void of the 'whining' he is stripped bare by critics for. He sings with unmistakable passion, almost shouting each word, while simultaneously caressing them softly and soundly. The band compliment his voice with well-composed music, as always, and bring the song to life vehemently. It has been perceived by some as insensitivity to release a song so shortly after Lou's death, but that seems to be an attempt to find something morally wrong with Morrissey's decisions. The music could be seen as slightly mundane and with a lack of excitement, but in honour of the original track, it's no less energetic. Morrissey made everybody aware of his adoration for Lou Reed in his Autobiography and openly expressed his upset of Lou's passing on True-To-You, releasing the song as a tribute to one of his many musical heroes. It seems to be a somewhat cathartic performance, perhaps a way to ease mourning or give gratitude. The track has been released on digital download (has Morrissey finally succumb to the new science?), 7" limited edition picture disc vinyl and 12" vinyl and is available from many independent record stores and large online faculties such as Amazon. The B-sides on the 7" are a cover of The Buzzcocks' 'You Say You Don't Love Me' and 'You're Gonna Need Someone On Your Side', while on the 12" are a live version of 'Vicar In A Tutu', 'All You Need Is Me' and 'You're Gonna Need Someone On Your Side'.
By Grace Bailey, @SmithsIndeed_ on Twitter, water-left-in-wood on Tumblr
THEY WERE THE ONLY ONES WHO EVER STOOD BY YOU
In his preface to the ever-popular The Sorrows of Young Werther, Goethe suggests that the reader should draw comfort from the title character’s sorrows, and, if they are going through similar issues, to allow the book itself to become a friend or companion. The act of turning art into a companion (whether it be books, music, film, etc.) is incredibly important – especially if you feel entirely alone otherwise. The Smiths, I believe, could easily stand as the bequeathed companions to those of us who are lonely, friendless, and/or unhappy. Just like proper companions, they introduce us to new thoughts and things, and they provide us with company in a way that nothing (or no one) else can. In a way, Morrissey is our Werther. We listen intently when he sings his thoughts, and when we compare them to ours, we cannot believe that someone else has felt the same way. With each turn of the record, the cold room becomes warm, and our darkened life turns bright. When this phenomenon happens, we have our companion. I have lost count of how many times people have said that Morrissey is a messenger of gloom who only focuses on life’s problems. They believe that listening to his words could only make the listener feel worse. This is incredibly untrue. When we are sitting alone in our rooms, or walking by ourselves on an overpopulated sidewalk, the worst feeling that can befall us is the feeling of unwanted isolation. That strange, frozen feeling of loneliness is very difficult to handle when you feel as though you’re battling it alone. But through his thoughtful words, Morrissey reminds us that we aren’t completely on our own. In our solitude, the comfort of knowing this fact can be enough to keep us going. While it’s true that you cannot physically take Johnny Marr along to a concert, or listen to records with Morrissey, you can still count on them to make you smile with their sounds, or fill a void with their words. When we turn to The Smiths at either our lowest or highest moments, we are, in a sense, sharing our experiences with them. And, even though the music cannot make all of our maladies disappear, it can make them bearable. Perhaps it could even cause us to feel a bit of confidence in our isolation. We may find even ourselves thinking, “Well, if Morrissey can make something good out of something dour, then so can I.” Or maybe, while trudging through a crowd of peers, you smile to yourself and say, “Most people have friends, but I have The Smiths.” These are not meaningless sentiments, and they should not cause us shame or embarrassment. After all, why condemn a companion if they have only benefitted you? I think that Morrissey knew very well how devoted listeners of The Smiths viewed them. If he didn’t, I don’t believe the song Rubber Ring would have existed, amongst many others, of course. In the corner of our rooms, we hear him loud and clear: he consoles us, to the point of awe, and inspires to the point of confidence. In a world where one is constantly instructed to believe that happiness lies within the confines of the conventions, there is nothing more refreshing than the one who gracefully goes against such ideas, and inspires us to embrace difference. I would like to know just how many people have listened to The Smiths, read Morrissey interviews, or watched performances (whether on screen or on stage), and walked away feeling happy. I’m sure the number is endless. And, even though they are no longer together, and haven’t been for quite some time, I am confident that their music will continue to console people, give their loneliness a home, and make them smile for a countless number of years to come. After all, we must never forget: there is a light, and it never goes out. That light is hope.
In Defence of “Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now”
Several friends of mine, and indeed many Smiths outsiders, often make unfairly disparaging comments regarding The Smiths’ 1984 single “Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now”. The primary criticism heard is that it’s overdone, and is the most prominent example of Morrissey’s miserablism falling into self parody. This is partly due to the song’s eminence as one of The Smith’s most famous tracks but also appears to be another example of listeners completely missing the evident humour. Since criticisms of this track are primarily lyrical (How can anyone fault that music?) I shall structure it’s defence in a similar fashion. The word ‘parody’, so often used in harsh criticism of this song, implies humour, and indeed this song is one of the funniest Morrissey has ever penned. The song does concern itself with a very real, crippling, suffocating and exhausting loneliness concerning the narrator, but I’ve always thought it to show Morrissey laughing at his own dire situation. To laugh in the face of woe is to acknowledge the intrinsic absurdity of existence and is an effective coping mechanism, one clearly being employed in this song. Consider the following two excerpts:
“What she asked of me at the end of the night, Caligula would have blushed”
This is bawdy, this is absurd. To evoke the now legendary Roman emperor, famed for his debaucherous excesses, within the context of dreary domestic existence is simply ridiculous, mildly risqué and very funny.
”In my life, why do I give valuable time to people who I’d much rather kick in the eye?”
A kick in the eye? Has anyone still upholding the notion of this song as a self-indulgent peen to woe actually envisioned this action? Hoisting a leg to the extent of possible altitude and proceeding to direct it into the face a detractor? Again, ridiculous and funny, and all the funnier when one imagines Morrissey performing this absurd attack. It strikes me as equally absurd, that anyone could examine a song with such hilarious imagery and possibly decry it as overtly miserable. Consider also, if you will, Morrissey’s vocal. It is a bona fide croon, probably the most overdone of any Smiths song, but quite deliberately overdone. Put simply, Morrissey sounds as if he’s about to start weeping at any moment, but more in the vain of a hilariously bad actor, than anyone genuinely depressed. Morrissey, for whatever reason and regardless of what you think of him, is at least convinced himself that he is genuinely miserable, and when he wishes to sincerely express this, he can, and can magnificently (listen to "I Know It’s Over" for heartrending proof). In the case of “Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now”, however, Morrissey is laughing at himself. I, for one, am laughing with him.
Thomas
Morrissey Will Not Back Down
It is not by accident that Morrissey’s last album was titled Years Of Refusal. For one thing, Morrissey doesn’t do anything by accident. His career/public life is a series of calculated, if sometimes confusing, manoeuvres. But more importantly, refusal is the source of his power. Let’s take a look at the classic compilation album Bona Drag, shall we? “I’m writing this to say/ in gentle way/ Thank you - but no,” he sings in “Will Never Marry.” Do you ever forget that you actually can say “No”? I certainly do. In “Such A Little Thing Makes A Big Difference,” he’s a bit more blunt: “I WILL NOT CHANGE AND I WILL NOT BE NICE.” (Yes, it’s printed in all caps on the lyrics sheet.) Here lies the thesis statement of the entire Morrissey experience he is who he is and everyone else can either accept it or drop dead.
I’ve spent the past year, and only the past year, loving Morrissey and doing little else. I’ve made a spectacle of myself, I’m sure. “Did she suffer some sort of brain injury?” my friends almost openly wondered. Alas, I wasn’t cool enough to be aware of The Smiths in my youth, but honestly I didn’t need Morrissey when I was 14. I didn’t need help wallowing - I could do that just fine on my own. I need him now, having entered my thirties, as a reminder to stand my fucking ground.
Morrissey has a reputation for being “difficult.” (Or, to put it less delicately in the words of my friend Rob, “I’ve heard he’s kind of a jag.”) But I think the aspects of his personality that attract the most criticism are often the things most worthy of admiration. He does not compromise. He is unflinchingly honest. He is willing to be a principled killjoy. In my mind, these are all signs of strength, not arrogance. If this means that meat cannot be sold during his concerts or that he refuses to go on the Jimmy Kimmel show, so be it. He does what he believes is right and I will not fault him for it, even when I happen to disagree. I wouldn’t personally equate eating meat with pedophilia, but I see where he’s coming from, I guess. I’m listening anyway. Morrissey fandom is a form of entertainment that stretches into the far corners of daily life. Every time he surprises me, I learn something: either about myself or music history or new things to hate in men’s fashion.
The lesson our beloved Morrissey teaches us happens to be the same moral Homer Simpson gleans from Moby Dick – Be yourself. Be true to yourself without compromise. Be honest and direct. Be willing to make things uncomfortable. Accept your vanity, your insecurity, your melancholy, your fatal flaws. Make these traits known. You will be more creative, more productive inhabiting your actual, real self. Be bold and be confident. Do not back down. Do not take shit from anyone. Ever. It takes a ballsy person to respond to critics with a song titled “You Were Good In Your Time.” From Mozzer, we have come to expect nothing less.
Before he was famous, Morrissey corresponded with a pen pal named Robert Mackie. One letter contained the following perfect nugget of wisdom: “Accept me for what I am – completely unacceptable.” That says it all, really. Morrissey is shy, yet assertive. Not entirely comfortable with himself, yet himself nonetheless. An outspoken person and a private man. Resilient. Undefeatable and unafraid. It’s hard work to get up every day and be your own embarrassing self, but he stands as a reminder that in can in fact be done. That’s what I need, now more than ever.
Title: Various Artists - The World Still Won't Listen - A Tribute to The Smiths Author: Ad Absurdum (pealing-swagger on Tumblr)
Found another Smiths tribute album and finally had enough time to listen to it. I don't know why I do this to myself. I really don't. Anyway, here's 'Wonderwall' here's The World Still Won't Listen. I'm not sure if the totally inventive and original title should be a plus or not. Considering the contents of the album, it just might be.
1. "Shoplifters of the World Unite" - Dare to Defy I was a bit unprepared for the genre I stepped into (yes, people, it's a Genre Album), so I spent this first song with this exact expression: o_O. Um, the song was fast. Yeah, that's probably best this that can be said about it.
2. "London" - Down By Law This one is similar to the original except for the guitar coda. The fact that you can actually hear the basisst is, of course, the highlight.
3. "You're Gonna Need Someone On Your Side" - Anal Cunt Two simultaneous reactions occur while listening to this one: LOL and WTF? Seriously, it sounds like the singer is in serious danger of spraining something. I'm almost worried (he does sound like a prticularly annoying frog with a sore throat). Apart from that, you won't understand the lyrics if you haven't heard them before.
4. "What Difference Does It Make?" - Subzero Oh oh, I can recognise the beginning riff - that's always a plus. The vocalist isn't a plus, though. Interestingly enough, he also sounds like a frog with a sore throat but it's not as annoying as the previous one. The bassist is crap, the chorus was changed, the harmony buggered off to parts unknown. All in all, a more pointless bleating has never been heard.
5. "How Soon Is Now" - The Meatmen First impression: WTF is this? *25 seconds in*: Oh, it's 'How Soon... . Okay then. The vocalist really got into this, though I'm pretty sure that in the first chorus he sings "I'm Ewan..." - I haven't laughed like that since track 2. The lyrics in the subsequent choruses were changed too - to more coarse and more with the image of 'fuck yeah, we're so fucking hardcore, man'. Yes, perfect for The Smiths cover, but it brings to mind Satanism for pre-schoolers just a bit more.
6. "Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now" - H2O This... is not bad actually. It does resemble the pop-punk Greenday aesthetics and the singer sounds like he's doing a parody of Mozzer's singing voice, but the drummer gives it all he's got and that's an attitude I like.
7. "Handsome Devil" - Sweet Diesel Well, at least the beginning is recognisable. The vocalist is a bit annoying (funny, I seem to see a pattern emerging here) and he also sings "a girl in the bush..." - NO HOMO, people, just so we're clear.
8. "Bigmouth Strikes Again" - Slapshot LOL, the band has got The Animal from the Muppets as their vocalist. Right, whatever floats your boat. You'll have absolutely no idea, though, what said vocalist is singing about (an educated guess would suggest the actual lyrics to "Bigmouth..." but you never know).
9. "You Just Haven't Earned It Yet, Baby" - Screw 32 Another Mozzer-vocal impostor, but the cover is not the worst I've ever heard. It is entirely possible the singer cries at the end.
10. "The Last of the Famous International Playboys" - Leeway No idea why this one was included since it's obviously Morrissey's solo era, but it too was murdered. The delivery and beat are very straightforward and this is not a compliment. The cover lacks the 'swing' of the original and if there ever was a time to mourn the lack of Joyce's drumming (as it almost invariably is with covers), it is now as well.
11. "What She Said" - Youth Brigade Another Moz impostor. The song is pretty OK, though the second verse is a bit of WTF musically. No, I don't know either.
12. "Stop Me If You Think You've Heard This One Before" - Vision And here we've got a very nice day at the races, to use a quote (faster, man! Faster!). The bassist was all right, at least he tried, even though it didn't amount to much in the end. In a word: not the worst, though that instrumental bit in the middle was pretty unnecessary.
13. "Half a Person" - Edgewise Hm, this one sounds rather threatening. Brings to mind a mass murderer with a grudge, actually.
14. "Panic" - The Business Wouldn't know it's "Panic" without the lyrics. But it did have rather nice Slide-like, well... guitar sliding. Also, the singer's accent is rather endearing.
15. "Sweet And Tender Hooligan" - 59 Times the Pain Ow, my ears. The vocalist is a complete waste of time. The bassist tried to save the song. Even succeeded a bit.
16. "This Night Has Opened My Eyes" - Home 33 Hm, and people pay to see their gigs? Seriously? Wow. The band try their best to erase anything that resembles melody and harmony from the song. I don't know what it ever did to them. The bassist heroically tried to save it. Didn't quite succeed. R.I.P.
17. "There Is a Light That Never Goes Out" - Walleye Oh, you can recognise the song from the very beginning. How thoughtful. And the song is not entirely horrible. The vocalist gets a tad hysterical, but at least he sings what was written.
18. "Back to the Old House" - Lament OMG, something slow and it looks like it's gonna stay this way. This is actually pretty good as far as the covers go, but then again, it's very straightforward and very close to the original.
And that is all. Thank God because I don't think I could take much more.
Is it really so strange ? Dear agony aunt, This is only tenuously smiths related, I hope you don't mind. I have made a friend through the Online smiths community who I talk to most days and would one day like to meet, hopefully at gigs in the not too distant future. This is all good, of course. However, I'm a teen and I've yet to tell my parents that I'm even vaguely involved I'm an online fan base, never mind that I've talked extensively to someone who others might call a stranger. (The validity of this person isn't in question: we've done a video chat which is validation enough for me) They would be against me having an online presence, so there is no easy way to tell my family about my friend, is there? Thank you for reading
Dear agoniser, I’m sorry that your friends treat you this way when, despite this you appear to be loyal to them! The best advice I can give you would have to be to let them know how you feel calmly. Perhaps just tell the person you feel closest to out of your friends. If you don’t feel like doing that then rather than let it get to you, I would try to expand your friendship group so you have other friends to hang out with if you feel your other friends are getting to you. I hope your friends treat you the way you deserve, with more respect and compassion. Warm wishes, ‘Smiths’ agony aunt xx -sherlockedandcaught.tumblr.com
It’s understandable that if you were to tell your parents they would naturally disapprove. It’s basic parenting. The only way to get around this is to explain to them exactly what you just explained to me. When negotiating these sorts of things, aim for the proverbial sun, that way you’ll still land in ‘space’. Start off with an outlandish request, like ‘I wanna meet up with them in *insert little-known location*’ and then as your parents disagree, make a ‘compromise’ and ask to meet up with them at a gig surrounded by people with your phone permanently on. That way that will sound like a great offer in comparison the the first, and your parents will probably be okay with it.
- James Tobin, omgtobinhasglasses.tumblr.com
Dear Agony Aunt. I'm a bit of a stereotypical smiths fan. I'm weird, I'm obsessive, I'm quiet, shy and bookish. My closest friends are not this; by nature they are all loud, confident and dramatic - in fact they spurn bookishness, vegetarianism, 'nerdishness'. This can make me perfect for abuse , I'm slightly the butt of every joke, and while I laugh along politely, some of them are just tooo crude for me, a sensitive soul, really. I don't dislike my friends at all, quite the opposite, they make me laugh, they aaare friendly, and occasionally even seem to like me, which is a rarity. How do I stop letting them make fun of me constantly, though?! Many thanks
If you have an issue you would like to be mulled over by our Aunts then please send in your queries either to shopliftersmag@gmail.com, or via our tumblr inbox. We promise all messages will be published as anonymous (unless you specify otherwise).
Some quizzes to fill the long desolate hours
I have made a quiz page because I am very alone and Quizzes and the like excite me. If you are of a similar temperament or would just like to humour me then please feel free to fiddle with whatever conundrum takes your fancy before submitting answers to the fanzine inbox or via Email at shopliftersmag@gmail.com. The winner (person with overall most correct answers) will receive the opportunity to have a space in the next weeks fanzine to discuss something they think worth /promote themselves or their projects/slag o a dear friend or family member to our readers. It's worth entering for honour and prestige and you have a good chance of winning, I imagine. (Better prizes may come later with better resources). Have fun!
'Identify the Member of Smiths by the various dismembered body parts' Quiz
Work is a 4 letter word
Within this word search there are individual words taken from song titles from a smiths album - you get a point for guessing the album, 10 points for getting all words.
Can't you read? Here are some Anagrams to work out, which may be unreasonably odd and hard, I'm not sure. They are all based tenuously around a vague smiths theme - Good luck! . Starting easy:
1.Pilfer hosts 2.Frown wound male 2. A heiress steak press 3.Yob 4.A dire acorn filming 5.I mug both 6.A sequence deed
First issue, made thanks to the advice and support of: blue-rose-society, waterleft-in-wood, charlotte-it-was-really-nothing, albert-finney and my mum and anyone else who I have stupidly forgotten but who gave their ideas and advice. Thank you!
All photos and scans sourced from morrisseyscans.com, arcaneoldwardrobe.com, Also, Happy Birthday to thejohnnyfuckingmarr :) vulgarpicture.com and thischarmlessgirl.com