“If everyone read this book, there would be fewer marriage break-ups, and more self-confident, happy individuals walking this earth." G E T
Are you really selfish? Selfless vs selfish … which one are you?
G E T
In GET Selfish, GET Happy, relationship counsellor and sports mentor, Helen Owen, shows us that achieving fulfilment starts with focusing on you.
Selfish
Too often, we are told to put ourselves second — and when our relationships don't work, we blame our partner instead of looking to ourselves.
The Selfish Self is not about getting what you want without compromise. It's about understanding your needs, appreciating the truth about yourself and building self-respect. Through chapters covering love, sex, commitment and emotional integrity, GET Selfish, GET Happy is an empowering manual for surviving contemporary relationships.
Happy
This is the book for anyone facing relationship breakdown. It's also the book for anyone wanting relationship fulfilment.
HELEN OWEN
™
GET Selfish, GET Happy is for you!
About the author Having competed with and trained athletes at elite level — including competing in a kick-boxing ring fight — Helen Owen relished the adrenalin rush of the sporting field and the tumultuous highs and lows of relationships among goal oriented sports people. Drawing unflinchingly on her personal and professional experiences, Helen returned to study, earning a Dip. Comm & Counselling Non-fiction / Relationships (ACAP). She then went on to establish her counselling ISBN 978-0-9805055-6-6 practice, Erudite Choices Pty Ltd, in Sydney. Helen's concept of The Selfish Self™ has assisted many of her clients in forging successful partnerships.
A&A Book Publishing www.aampersanda.com
9 780980 505566
Prue MacSween — Sky News Media Commentator, Radio Host and Author
G E T
Selfish Happy G E T
HOW TO HAVE A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP THROUGH
THE SELFISH SELF
™
HELEN OWEN Dip. Comm & Counselling (ACAP), Mastery of Fitness Science (MI), Specialist in Sports Conditioning (ISSA)
GET
S elfish GET Hap py HOW TO H AV E A S U C C E SSFUL RE L AT I O N S H I P T H R O UGH
T H E S E L F I S H S E L F™
HELEN OWEN Dip. Comm & Counselling (ACAP), Mastery of Fitness Science (MI), Specialist in Sports Conditioning (ISSA)
A&A BOOK PUBLISHING admin@aampersanda.com www.aampersanda.com ISBN 978-0-9805055-6-6 First published 2009 Text Š Helen Owen 2009 All the characters in this book are fictitious and any resemblance to actual persons living or dead is purely coincidental. This book is copyright. Apart from any use permitted under the Copyright Act 1968 and subsequent amendments, no part may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted by any means or process whatsoever without the prior written permission of the publishers. Cover design, text design and typesetting by David Andor / Wave Source Design www.wavesource.com.au An Cataloguing-in-Publication entry for this title can be found in the National Library of Australia
"Just when you thought you knew it all thanks to The Secret... along comes a book that resonates with all of us because it deals with relationships and how we can make those relationships better. Get Selfish, Get Happy doesn't just deal with our relationship with our partner, friends, family or work colleagues. More importantly, it also deals with our relationship with ourselves. No dry tome this... it is an easy read that provides us with the tools to improve our interaction with others and reap the benefits for the rest of our lives. "Like me, you will relate to the case studies and learn so much about yourself and others you deal with in your dayto-day life. "I'm sure that if it was mandatory for everyone to read this book, there would be fewer marriage break-ups, more workable business partnerships, more successful career paths and more self-confident, happy individuals walking this earth." — PRUE MACSWEEN Media commentator on Sky News, host of Radio 2 GB's Small Business Program, Weekend Sunrise All Star and author of Carlotta, I'm Not That Kind Of Girl!
TABLE OF CONTENTS A True 'Selfish Self' Experience . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .i The Selfish Self™ and Your Relationships . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .ix Chapter One — The Selfish Self™ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .1 Why are people selfish? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .1 From caveman to the church . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .3 In the past being selfish was considered appalling . . . . . . . . . . . . .4 Traditional and formal religious wedding vows
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The Selfish Self is responsible and sovereign . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .7 All things are possible through The Selfish Self™ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .7 The Selfish Self™ is always honest . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .8 The Selfish Self™ is not schadenfreude . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .8 The Selfish Self™ gains no pleasure in hurting your partner . . . . . . .8 The Selfish Self™ is not about compromise . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .9 The Selfish Self™ is not about sacrifice . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10 The Selfish Self™ can be charitable . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .11 The Selfish Self™ is a way of thinking . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .11 Modern times bring opportunities for change . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .11 Summary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .12 Case Study: Ted and Mary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .14
Chapter Two — 'The Selfless Self' vs. The Selfish Self™ . . . . . .19 Who are you? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .19 Why choose to operate from The Selfish Self™? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .20 The Selfish Self™ is who you truly are . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .22 The Selfish Self™ is autonomous . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .23 'The Selfless Self is needy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .23 Do you look to your partner to tell you that you are worthwhile? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .24 Working through The Selfish Self™ starts to rebuild the true you . .25 'The Selfless Self', fear and honesty . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .26
Why is it that some people are not able to be honest within a relationship? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .27 Honesty and The Selfish Self™ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .27 The fear of rejection . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .28 Build the foundations of a new relationship with honesty . . . . . . .29 The Selfish Self™ vs. 'The Selfless Self' . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .30 How did society come to believe that 'The Selfless Self' is gratifying? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .30 Summary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .33 Case Study — Ted and Mary continued. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .34 Ted . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .37 The Selfish Self™ to the rescue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .38 Mary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .38 Ted . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .41
Chapter Three — Experiencing the 'Self' . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .43 Acknowledgement and verification is your existence . . . . . . . . . .44 Why do most people want to have relationships? . . . . . . . . . . . . .44 Everyone wants to feel valued . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .45 Relationships provide you with the greatest spectrum for validation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .48 Why are some people attracted to certain people? . . . . . . . . . . . .48 You don't 'need' a relationship, it is a choice! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .49 Unresolved issues . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .51 The link between verification, acknowledgement and communication . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .52 Everyone is different . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .53 The biggest investment of a lifetime . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .54 How do you bond with your partner? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .54 Admiring and showing interest . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .55 Listening and reflecting . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .55 Compassion and empathy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .56 Are you aware of how you may be sabotaging your relationship happiness? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .56
Schadenfreude . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .57 Monkey see, monkey do . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .58 Hurtful power and control . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .58 You don’t even know you do it . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .59 Summary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .61 Case Study — Linda and Mike . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .63
Chapter Four — 'The Sexual Self' . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .75 Emotions, feelings and 'The Sexual Self' . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .76 How do you connect to your 'Sexual Self'? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .77 Why are people confused about their 'Sexual Self'? . . . . . . . . . . .78 Sex appeal is powerful bait . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .79 When should you have a sexual relationship? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .80 Case Study: Jenny . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .80 'The Sexual Self' and advertising . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .88 Virtual unfaithfulness — or is it? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .89 Why do men enjoy pornography? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .90 How does pornography make women feel? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .90 Self-esteem and pornography . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .91 Respecting viewpoints . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .92 Case Study — Liz and Dan . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .93 No expectations, no pressure! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .99 Summary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .100
Chapter Five — What is Commitment? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .103 Why The Selfish Self™ wants commitment
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The commitment paradox . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .106 'The Selfish Self Commitment' is not about obligation . . . . . . . .107 Till death do us part . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .108 'The True Self' through The Selfish Self™ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .108 Know thyself and to thyself be true! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .109 'The Selfish Self Commitment' . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .109 The Selfish Self™ and honesty . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .111
Case Study — Sally and John . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .112 A commitment must empower you . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .118 Infidelity — 'The Secret Self' . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .123 Why do people cheat? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .124 The cheater's justifications . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .126 Case Study — Peter . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .127 Summary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .135
Chapter Six — 'The Defining Self' . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .139 'The True Self' . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .141 'The Loving Self' . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .141 'The Loathing Self' . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .142 'The Preferred Self' . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .144 'The Defining Self' . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .144 The Selfish Self™ Model for Relationship Happiness and Success 149 Case Study — Tim and Karen . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .150 Summary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .161
Chapter Seven — What is Love to The Selfish Self™? . . . . . . .163 What is love? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .164 The three stages of 'Selfish Self Love' . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .166 Stage One: Lust Love (LL) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .166 Stage Two: Connection Affection Love (CAL) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .167 Stage Three: Selfish Self Love (SSL) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .171 The Selfish Self™ Love Flow Chart . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .175 Summary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .176
Chapter Eight — The Selfish Self™ and the high performer . .181 What is 'The Striving Self'? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .182 Case Study 1: Glen and Ellen . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .183 The Successful Self . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .207 The Selfish Self™ and 'The Successful Self' . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .208 Summary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .209
Chapter One
The Selfish Self™
Why are people selfish?
L
ET ME introduce you to The Selfish Self™. The Selfish Self™ is you, the very heart of who you are. The Selfish Self™ is the driving life-force that motivates you throughout your life. The Selfish Self™ is your self-esteem, it is your sense of self-worth and it is your self-respect. Until now, being selfish has had a derogatory meaning. The truth of the matter is that everyone is selfish. A healthy selfishness drives you through life, seeking what is best for you. It motivates you to move through life with passion and enthusiasm. You live life so that you can reap the rewards of external pleasures like houses, cars or other materialistic acquirements, and you live life to reap the rewards of internal pleasures like emotional happiness, and feelings of joy and wellbeing. Life is about pursuing satisfaction and enjoying the emotional rewards of accomplishments. The Selfish Self™ is a term that represents the deep inner self that constantly strives to make you feel good about yourself and your life. It is the reference point by which you assess whether what you are doing is working for you, if it makes you feel good or bad. Like it or not, life is selfish
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because your life is about you. Just take a moment and think about your life. Everything you do is to make your life better in some way or another. From the moment you wake up in the morning, your focus is on you and how you are going to move through the day, week and year, wanting and striving for betterment. This is a natural way of being. Even if your world involves other people and events, your focus is still about you and how these people and events are going to affect you, or how you are going to interact with them. Think about it. You strive to eat well so that you are healthier, you strive to exercise so that you feel better, and you apply yourself to your work or study so that you can progress through your career, fulfilling ambitions. You use entertainment and social gatherings so you can have fun. You are unconsciously but constantly checking with The Selfish Self™ making sure you are doing or planning something that you gain pleasure from or find gratifying. Whether you are in a relationship or looking for a relationship, you should be applying the same concept. The purpose of having a relationship is to enhance your life. You should be having relationships to improve your life, not to make your life worse or to provide an environment where you are miserable. Everyone wants to be in a relationship that makes their life better and rewarding. Until now, people have been confused and frustrated about relationships, this is because they haven’t had a reference point, or knowledge of how to apply the concept of The Selfish Self™, to check whether their relationships are enhancing their lives. When you are engaging in a relationship, you should be constantly turning to The Selfish Self™, that deeper part of you that instinctively wants what is best for you, and asking The Selfish Self™, am I being fulfilled and rewarded by this relationship, or is 2
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it doing me harm? Is this relationship harmful to me physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally?
From caveman to the church In the beginning, when Neanderthal man roamed the earth, he instinctively knew The Selfish Self™. He was driven by nature to do what was best for him. Caveman’s basic instincts were to eat and drink, protect himself, and to propagate his DNA. All these aspects of his life were emotionally rewarding, either extrinsically, materialistically or intrinsically. Food and drink satisfied his thirst and hunger, which promoted strength and growth. Shelter and clothing protected his body and provided warmth and safety from the elements. Propagation of his genes, through sexual activity, made him feel elated, so he repeatedly wanted to reproduce the feelings associated with having sex. Having a relationship with a female mate provided the male with sex, companionship, and help with gathering food. A female mate gave birth and looked after the children, which ensured future generations. It wasn’t a complex matter. A female mate was useful to the male, hence serving The Selfish Self™. Neanderthal man was unknowingly accessing The Selfish Self™, always seeking what would make his life better. The Neanderthal woman was the physically weaker sex. At that period of time, The Selfish Self™ in her was aware that in order for her to lead the most fruitful, harmonious and safe life, she would have to be the subordinate partner. At that time, a woman’s basic instincts were to eat, be sheltered and be protected so she could mother her young. The Selfish Self™ in her knew that by attending to her male partner’s needs, he would provide her with the necessities for survival. The Selfish Self™ was innate in our earliest ancestors. There was 3
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a reason for doing and having everything and that reason was to please and reward The Selfish Self™.
In the past being selfish was considered appalling Previously, being selfish in relationships was frowned upon. People have been conditioned to think that relationships are about being selfless and that putting your partner’s needs and desires before yourself demonstrates your love. The belief that the more you give unselfishly of yourself, the more your partner will love you, is faulty. People have been led to believe that making self sacrifices and compromising their own needs and beliefs are key elements to a happy relationship. Relationships have been set up to have unrealistic virtues that do not equate with people’s true nature of striving to satisfy The Selfish Self™. Formal marriages started with the concept that, in the presence of witnesses, two people would be joined in Holy Matrimony. Traditionally, marriage was a religious, Holy Sacrament that bound two people in the presence of God. This meant that these two people would have a monogamous relationship and would produce children, living their lives under the guidelines of religious commandments and faith. If you examine some examples of wedding vows, it is clear that some traditional religious marriage beliefs are filled with ideas of being selfless, obedient, compromising and self-sacrificing:
Traditional and formal religious wedding vows Bride: “I will live first unto our God and then unto you, loving you, 4
THE SELFISH SELF™
obeying you, caring for you and ever seeking to please you”. “Therefore, throughout life, no matter what may be ahead of us, I pledge to you my life as an obedient and faithful wife”. “I will love, serve, and obey you as long as we both are alive. Christ told us that the wife must submit herself unto her own husband as unto the Lord. For as Christ is Head of His Church so is the husband head of his wife. (Name), I submit myself to you”. (Bride) (Name), “The Lord instructs me as the one who will be your wife to submit to you as unto Him. Our Father created woman to be man's helper. It is my desire and delight to follow this scriptural teaching. With all my heart I make this pledge to you”. “I face new responsibilities that I cannot fulfill in my own strength. But by God's grace and power working within me, I desire to be trustworthy as your wife, to serve and love you in all circumstances, to obey you, to allow God to use you to build His qualities in me, as long as God give us life on this earth. I praise God continually for you, (Name), and for your love and friendship”. In modern society, these beliefs have caused relationships to have disastrous outcomes. It is because being selfless, obedient, compromising and self-sacrificing conflicts with true human nature. People don’t want to be weak and selfless in relationships. They want to feel in control and empowered with a strong sense of ‘self’. Hence, The Selfish Self™ represents that inner part of you that wants to optimise what you can get out of a relationship. Couples have tried to modernise some of the traditional wedding vows to convey a relationship that is contemporary and more liberated, but being selfless, compromising and making a 5
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lifelong commitment, are still core beliefs. Some couples choose not to follow a religious path, but people cannot prevent their religious beliefs from infecting their consciousness. Some couples have entered marriages to signify a lifelong commitment or to formally pronounce a legal binding in the eyes of the law. There is something very wrong with the way some people view and authenticate relationships. Think about this: if entering a formal relationship, either in the eyes of the church or the law, means that you have to make a lifelong commitment, what happens when you grow, evolve or change, or you finally become aware of yourself and realise that you entered the relationship for the wrong reasons? Should you spend the rest of life living unselfishly, self-sacrificing for someone else? This could be a death sentence. This is what people have been taught to do and believe. This doesn’t make sense to The Selfish Self™, which is constantly seeking happiness, not misery. This is why there are so many people unconsciously abusing and hurting their partners because they are not living the truth. The belief that being selfless will make you happy in your relationship has become ingrained in society. In the beginning, there may be a feeling of altruistic worthiness, but as you try to live out these unrealistic expectations of yourself, you progressively start to feel frustrated and confused about your partner and the relationship. This is because you are in conflict with your true nature. You only have to look around and observe how everything in nature wants to grow and evolve into something better. All nature is selfish. Nature looks at how it can develop and evolve the species, always seeking ways to better itself. If a species doesn’t develop and grow, then it will slowly deteriorate, die or become extinct. Society needs to understand this concept. If you do not address The Selfish Self™ in your relationship, it will deteriorate and die, and in the process, destroy 6
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who you truly are. Some people are never able to get back their true self after a soul-destroying relationship.
The Selfish Self™ is responsible and sovereign It may be difficult at first to accept and understand the concept of The Selfish Self™ because it is about focusing honestly on yourself, not your partner. The Selfish Self™ is a concept where you become responsible for the person that you are and the decisions you make in a relationship. This builds personal strength and power. If two people are autonomous in a relationship, they can grow and develop, gaining personal satisfaction from the relationship. Through the processes outlined in this book, you will learn how to identify your true nature and to expose aspects of yourself that have hindered your relationships so far. Instinctively, people are motivated by The Selfish Self™ in their relationships, so by understanding yourself and your partner’s true nature, you will start the building blocks of a happy and healthy relationship.
All things are possible through The Selfish Self™ As you work through The Selfish Self™, you will get to know more about yourself and what drives you through life. Who you are governs the actions and decisions you make in your relationship. The wonderment of this process is that everyone has the ability to identify what is truly rewarding to The Selfish Self™. They also have the ability to identify and change what has not been rewarding to The Selfish Self™. If people know that change is possible, and they are open and have a determined willingness to change, then there is hope, even in the gloomiest situation. 7
“If everyone read this book, there would be fewer marriage break-ups, and more self-confident, happy individuals walking this earth." G E T
Are you really selfish? Selfless vs selfish … which one are you?
G E T
In GET Selfish, GET Happy, relationship counsellor and sports mentor, Helen Owen, shows us that achieving fulfilment starts with focusing on you.
Selfish
Too often, we are told to put ourselves second — and when our relationships don't work, we blame our partner instead of looking to ourselves.
The Selfish Self is not about getting what you want without compromise. It's about understanding your needs, appreciating the truth about yourself and building self-respect. Through chapters covering love, sex, commitment and emotional integrity, GET Selfish, GET Happy is an empowering manual for surviving contemporary relationships.
Happy
This is the book for anyone facing relationship breakdown. It's also the book for anyone wanting relationship fulfilment.
HELEN OWEN
™
GET Selfish, GET Happy is for you!
About the author Having competed with and trained athletes at elite level — including competing in a kick-boxing ring fight — Helen Owen relished the adrenalin rush of the sporting field and the tumultuous highs and lows of relationships among goal oriented sports people. Drawing unflinchingly on her personal and professional experiences, Helen returned to study, earning a Dip. Comm & Counselling Non-fiction / Relationships (ACAP). She then went on to establish her counselling ISBN 978-0-9805055-6-6 practice, Erudite Choices Pty Ltd, in Sydney. Helen's concept of The Selfish Self™ has assisted many of her clients in forging successful partnerships.
A&A Book Publishing www.aampersanda.com
9 780980 505566
Prue MacSween — Sky News Media Commentator, Radio Host and Author
G E T
Selfish Happy G E T
HOW TO HAVE A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP THROUGH
THE SELFISH SELF
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HELEN OWEN Dip. Comm & Counselling (ACAP), Mastery of Fitness Science (MI), Specialist in Sports Conditioning (ISSA)