FAMILY…CREATED BY LOVE NOT GENETICS

from Wayne County Magazine - Fall 2020

A MOMENT TO BE CARRIED

Love Love FAMILY… CREATED BY NOT GENETICS STORY BY MELISSA MOXLEY

ABOVE: Adriannia, Jared, Stevie, Wesley, Madison, Jada, Alyssa Photo by Miss Magnolia Soul Photography Dave Thomas, the founder of Wendy’s, once said, “Every child deserves a home and love. Period.” He should know, Dave was adopted at a very young age. If it were not for those willing to love, protect, and give security to children that were not biologically theirs, the world may have missed out on extreme greatness. Imagine if there had never been a John Hancock, Steve Jobs, Nelson Mandela, Edgar Allan Poe, Babe Ruth, Leo Tolstoy, or Louis Armstrong. These great minds, athletes, musicians, and leaders may have never reached their full potential without the love, kindness, and generosity of a distant relative or, in some cases, a stranger. Family is a rich soil that nurtures and allows talents to grow.

Some people wait for years to get the opportunity to adopt a child. They deal with the ups and downs of red tape and hope deferred before realizing their long-awaited dreams of holding a child in their arms. Then there are those who open their home because they are presented with a child(ren) in need. Such is the case for Stevie and Jada Martin. They had three children. The oldest, Jared, was grown and on his own. Their middle child, Wesley, had just left a few days earlier for college, and Adriana, the baby of the family, was a teenager.

They were just a few years away from being empty nesters. In fact, they had already begun to picture what their lives would look like once Adriana headed off to college. The house would be uncharacteristically quiet; maybe they would get to travel more and do some of the things they had put off while raising their family. However, all that changed in August of 2015, when Jada’s mother, Susan Graham, called.

ABOVE: Wesley, Madison, Jada, Alyssa LEFT: Logan, Michael, and Susan Graham

Jada describes her mom as “a person who always goes above and beyond. She is always looking for a worthwhile project.” On this hot summer day, Susan received a phone call from Leonard Berry, a neighbor and family friend. He had stopped by Walmart earlier in the day and saw a lady with two young girls in the parking lot. They were holding a sign saying that they needed help. Leonard offered to get them something to eat. He called Susan, who contacted her church, Calvary Baptist, and got them settled into a hotel for the week. After introductions, the girls (Madison-age 11 and Alyssa-age 7) went to Susan’s house. That is when Jada got the phone call from her mom. Susan wanted Jada to take the girls clothes shopping for school and get them haircuts. Jada did, and the girls were so excited that they wanted to stop by the hotel to show their mother. The girls asked if they could have a sleepover at Jada’s house, and their mom allowed them. Someone later contacted the Department of Family and Children’s Services to check on Madison and Alyssa. Ms. Margaret McRae, the DFCS Investigator, spoke with the mom, who decided to sign the children over to Jada for 45 days until she could get settled.

Jada remembers, “Margaret met me and told me that the mother had just signed over temporary custody to me. I was floored and said, ‘I need to call my husband!’” Stevie too was

ABOVE: Jada Martin and Curtis Bean

completely caught off guard but told Jada to do what she wanted. “I went home and cleaned out our bonus room for Madison and Alyssa. When it became obvious that the girls would be with us for a while, we began taking foster parenting classes in Vidalia. It took us months to finish the classes, so we received no financial help during that time. We were back and to in court, taking the girls to monitored visits and helping them get enrolled and caught up in school. But all this time, I was still thinking that this was a temporary situation. Eighteen or so months after they came to live with us was their final court date. I kept thinking, who will get the girls? Will a family member step up? Will they go into the system? A few days before court, I think that I was still in denial. A friend finally asked me, ‘Jada, can you live with not knowing where they are and how they are doing?’ That was the moment that I knew; they were meant to be with us. The girls had become attached to our entire surroundings. My church, Calvary Baptist, my neighbors (by this time Mr Leonard had become like a grandpa to them), and their schoolteachers at Jesup Elementary, ALL these people had taken Madison and Alyssa under their wings.” They had not just found the stability of the Martin’s home, but an entire community of people who loved and cared for them. Jada recalls, “Michelle Beverly, who was a DFCS Resource Officer, gave me an adoption book for the State of Georgia. All the children in there were over the age of ten. Nobody wants to adopt older children. It had been a long 18 or so months. If it were not for Margaret, Michelle, and Beth Lartz, our CASA Worker, I don’t know what we would have done. There were so many ‘God’ moments through out this whole process that let us know in the end that we were doing the right thing. Margaret started this journey with us as the DFCS Investigator but transferred sometime during those long months to the Adoption Department. So, she was there in the beginning when we got Madison and Alyssa and was with us at the end when we officially adopted the girls on April 24, 2018. Madison and I share the same middle name and birthday. My grandmother always loved the name, Paige. She begged all her granddaughters to use the name. For some reason, none of us did. Guess what Alyssa’s middle name is…Paige. Madison is currently a sophomore at Wayne County High, and Alyssa is in sixth grade at Arthur Williams Middle School. Both girls are great students and love to travel. If the story ended with Stevie and Jada going from three children to five, that would be extraordinary. However, Jada’s sister and brother in law, Jill Poppell, and her husband also have adopted. Jada’s mother and father, Michael and Susan Graham, have an adopted child, too. Jada’s extended family has several children that are currently being or have been raised by the Howard Family. Jada says her grandmother, Mary Howard, was the first to take in someone. Susan was a volunteer at Wayne Service Center in 1988. Curtis Bean was a 23-year-old mentally handicap young man that needed somewhere to stay. Mary had recently lost her husband and agreed to help until Curtis could be placed somewhere else in a few weeks. Curtis is now 55 and lived with the family until three years ago when he had to go to Harborview Nursing Home because of health issues. The family still visits and looks after him. If you ask him his name, he will tell you Curtis Bean-Howard. Jada’s uncle, Bruce Howard, has a saying that is known throughout the family. “You’re not a Howard unless you are toting around someone else’s youngin on your hip!” This family stretches their homes to match the size of their hearts.

Currently, adoptions are down in the United States. There are approximately 428,000 children in foster care, and only around 135,000 are adopted each year. This number has decreased from its height of 175,000 adoptions in the 1970s. Sixty percent of children in foster care spend two to five years in the system. Some are never adopted. (https://adoptionnetwork.com/adoption-statistics). These statistics bear witness to the grace and selflessness of people like Stevie, Jada, Jill, Mary, and Susan. They are not content to just look at a problem with sympathetic eyes, but instead are willing to be proactive in the solution. Family is one of the greatest gifts that we could ever receive. It is not just a group of people who share similar DNA, but instead, share love and respect for one another. There is a quote by an unknown author that says, “Having somewhere to go is home. Having someone to love is family. Having both is a blessing.” Thankfully, the Howard Family has been a source of blessings to many. |WM

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