5 minute read
PREGNANT IN A PANDEMIC
By Alyssa Charles Gilligan
Alyssa Charles Gilligan works in marketing for a major financial institution and is currently on maternity leave.
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Covid didn’t change anything until it changed everything
I knew I was pregnant before I took a pregnancy test. There were a few telltale signs that tipped me off: Falling asleep on the couch at 8 p.m. A hypersensitivity to scents I normally enjoyed – the smell of my morning coffee was now repulsive. Crying at every heartfelt moment in a TV show or commercial. And, I was over a week late.
When I finally decided to take a test to confi rm what I already knew to be true, the same question kept replaying in my mind. Am I really ready to be someone’s mom? The three minutes spent waiting to see if two little pink lines would appear on the test felt like an eternity, but when they did, my husband and I were so thrilled that any feelings of self-doubt quickly faded away.
In the midst of basking in this happy news, we were being bombarded with coronavirus headlines daily. I was so happy about being pregnant that I kind of ignored the increased levels of panic happening in the world around me. I was in my own little mommyto-be world, looking up baby names and researching
the latest newborn must-haves, to really notice that a pandemic was running rampant. The first case of Covid-19 had just been identified in Canada, but like the rest of the world, I had no idea how severe the virus would be or how much it would impact my life in the months that followed.
PATIENTS ONLY – NO HUSBANDS ALLOWED
By the end of February, my husband Shawn and I had already been to two ultrasound appointments to see our baby. So far, Covid-19 hadn’t changed anything for us and I couldn’t think of a reason why it would, until I called to book my Week-20 ultrasound. After giving me my appointment date, the receptionist said, “I’m sorry, but, your husband isn’t allowed into the clinic due to Covid-19 safety precautions. Patients only.”
I could already feel the tears welling up in my eyes before ending the call. This was when we were supposed to find out our baby’s gender. This was a special moment we were supposed to share, together. And now, this was a part of my pregnancy Covid was forcing me to forfeit. During my solo appointment, I asked the ultrasound technician not to reveal the gender, but rather to write it down on a piece of paper so my husband and I could find out together once I got home. We were over the moon to read “girl” written on that folded sheet of paper. As happy as I was, something about that moment just felt incomplete.
As a few weeks went by, I began to hear more and more stories of women giving birth without a support person present due to Covid-19 safety regulations, I began to worry. What if my husband wasn’t allowed in the delivery room? What if things got worse? What if I had to deliver in a room of masked strangers?
A HEIGHTENED SENSE OF ANXIETY
My pregnancy hormones went into overdrive. Over the next few days I felt a heightened sense of anxiety. As if growing a human wasn’t enough to worry about, the thought of my husband not being by my side in the delivery room was definitely weighing heavily on my mind. Luckily, a quick phone call to the hospital alleviated this worry. My husband was allowed in the delivery room and to stay with me overnight but once in the hospital, he couldn’t leave until I was discharged with the baby. No other visitors were permitted. Just as I began to feel reassured that things were getting better, they started to get worse.
Masks were now mandatory, making breathing with a growing belly just a little more challenging. As I got closer to my due date, the number of Covid cases continued to rise. Provincial restrictions put limitations on social gatherings, which meant a baby shower with friends and family attending in person wouldn’t be possible. We were disappointed, but we wanted to keep everyone safe, so we skipped it. Maternity photos? Skipped those, too. I was just so scared of getting sick, I isolated myself from everyone outside of our small social bubble. At times, my fear felt paralyzing and I worried postpartum depression would be inevitable if things continued this way.
That day in September, when my daughter was born, everyone in the hospital seemed to be functioning on auto-pilot. Entering the maternity ward, we were greeted with masked faces and Covid screening questions instead of welcoming smiles filled with excitement that a little baby was on the way. From that moment on, I knew that for the duration of our hospital stay, every interaction would be tainted by the fear of catching or spreading the virus.
NEEDED GOOGLE TO SEE DOCTOR’S FACE
We were quickly triaged from one room to another, and within an hour of being admitted, I was given an epidural and was able to rest comfortably. Masked nurses and doctors trickled in and out of the room to check my vitals and assess my progression over the next few hours, sanitizing their hands and changing into a new mask and gown each time they entered. I never saw anyone’s face without a mask, not even my obstetrician. I had actually never seen her face until I Googled her.
Although it isn’t how I pictured my first pregnancy, having a baby during a pandemic hasn’t been all bad. Over the past 11 months, my husband has been working from home – something he wouldn’t have been able to do pre-pandemic. From midday snuggles and smiles, to seeing our daughter roll over for the first time and changing poopy diapers, he’s been able to share these sweet (and sometimes messy) moments with us – moments he would have missed if he wasn’t able to work from home. While we may not be going on playdates or joining any “mommy and me” classes anytime soon, we are safe and healthy and for that, we are grateful.
