How To Say NO and Mean It!

Watch out when replying to a text. Using exclamation marks can make you seem frustrated and angry!!!!!!!

Not long ago, I was asked a personal financial question at a dinner party! I’d known this person exactly five seconds, I mean, how impertinent! We’d all been drinking and so my guard was very much down and I struggled to answer. I really shouldn’t have felt the need to answer but I also didn’t quite understand the question.

‘No’ is THE perfect word for setting an immediate boundary, although of course you can follow it up with an explanation if it makes you feel more comfortable. No is also the word we have the most difficulty using and/or driving home!

It’s very important to be able to say no, so we feel empowered while still maintaining our relationships with others. We need to practice saying no without rancour so that we can cope when people in a position of power request we do something we don’t want to or cannot do.

How should I have replied? I could have asked her why she wanted to know and then I could have said that I don’t discuss my personal finances with anyone, except with my bank manager, no exceptions. This could have been said with a smile and I could have got on with eating my meal.

Just giving my brain a few seconds to process her question would have helped me feel more in control of the answer. Instead, I felt rather aggrieved with my response which whilst still vague, was a little silly! Also, I will now clearly avoid this person in future.

Saying no helps us to establish healthy boundaries and enables others to have clarity about what they can expect from us.

Many people struggle to say no and others fail to understand no, so how do we enforce it?

Saying no in person is a whole body, face and speech thing. If you say no with your arms crossed and an angry expression on your face, the die is cast and often an argument will ensue. Drop your shoulders and relax, it’s okay to say no! It’s okay! No crime has been committed. Also, do try to give your mind a minute or two to process a request and if necessary, tell the person asking to give you time and follow up with them later.

How do we say no and mean it?Here’s a few ways to say no and feel fine about it:

No. I’m sorry, I have way too much work on right now, but I hope you find some help.

No. I have to pick up my daughter from school and can’t be late.

question a hint that you may be open to it. Start with a firm no and you have control.

No. You must not do this, it’s dangerous/illegal/ damaging and here’s the reason why……

No. You are entitled to your opinion, but I respectfully disagree and must get on with my day.

No. I’m sorry, I don’t answer deeply personal questions especially financial ones.

No. I simply can’t afford to invest/buy this right now. Ask me again next year.

No. Thanks for inviting me to get involved, I’m honoured, but sadly I won’t be taking on any more work this year.

No. You or your child already have one or something like it. You don’t need another one and also, you could think about sorting your toys out to give to children less fortunate than you.

No. Thanks for asking me for an article, but I’m only accepting paid commissions at this time.

You absolutely don’t have to offer an explanation, but if you do, make sure it’s a closed statement rather than prelude to an open conversation, which may have you suddenly feeling brow-beaten and saying yes!

If you find yourself in the position of your answer not being accepted, keep your cool. Say no again firmly and move away. You’ve already given your answer and now you need to back it up with a positive action by leaving the scene.

No. Thanks for the offer but that’s not the sort of thing I get involved in. Good luck with it all though.

No. Sorry I can’t afford to work for free or less. I, like all businesses, have costs to meet and a living to earn.

No. Sorry I can’t offer you a donation right now as I already make a private donation to a charity every year.

“If you want more time, freedom, and energy, start saying no.”

Anonymous

If you start to answer a request with ‘Ummmmmm’ instead of a clear yes or no, you’ve already given the person asking the

Saying no is all about setting your boundaries. People react to you based on the responses that you give them. Saying no doesn’t have to be confrontational, but watch out when texting or emailing, be very clear in your answers.

Donna