PARENTING

KIDS OF ALL AGES LEARN

FROM THEIR PARENTS’ DIRECTION

WRITTEN BY JUDY GOPPERT

We help our kids learn responsibility by assigning tasks to them. Kids not only learn responsibility by completing tasks, they also learn about attitude, the idea of taking action, and the feeling of being proud of accomplishment. And they know Mom or Dad won’t always do it for them.

TASKS FOR TODDLERS

When you consider assigning a task, make sure your child is capable of doing it. For toddlers and young children, model behavior for simple onestep tasks. Include your little ones by calling them the “helper.” Complete the task together and make them feel important and useful.

“For example, we were at a wedding shower and my cousin’s three-yearold daughter was the bride’s helper,” notes Jodi Briggs, chief of staff at Notre Dame de Sion Schools of Kansas City, and former grade school and high school principal. “She sat next to her and collected the wrapping paper and tissue paper and gave it to her aunt to help.” For young children, task charts are an excellent visual. Get fun stickers and use pictures and words. Set aside a certain time of day to complete the task, whether it be reading a book, feeding the dog, or washing a few dishes. Make it a game and count the stickers when they are done. Have an end-of-week celebration— an ice cream cone, screen time, or doing something else they love. This doesn’t have to cost money.

“Madden (my grandson) and I planted a blackberry bush together. He

chose the plant, we planted it together and each Sunday during the summer, it was his job to pick the blackberries,” Briggs adds. “This past weekend, we trimmed the bush back and prepped it for the winter. We cleaned up the branches together. He’s learning to be responsible, and we get to spend time doing something we enjoy. We are creating memories, but also instilling a servant’s heart and a willingness to help when needed.”

MIDDLE SCHOOL REMINDERS

In middle school, visuals and charts are great, as we all need reminders. If your child has a phone, set a reminder in the phone to complete a task. Allow them to choose which chore is done on which day—for example, taking out the trash, feeding the dog, or emptying the dishwasher.

“Kids this age still crave one-on-one time with Mom and Dad. This is the age of rewards and consequences,” Briggs insists. “Build in the consequences if the task isn’t complete when agreed upon.”

HIGH SCHOOL RESPONSIBILITY

By the time your child is in high school, you should have already built the foundation of making sure they know what is expected. Families should sit down together to plan the week. Students are so busy they need to schedule time slots for homework, studying, and activities. Discuss what your child is dealing with and facing each week.

Kids need responsibility and like to feel useful. By creating a plan together, demonstrating the expectation and following through on the rewards and consequences, we help develop responsible young people. Rewards do not need to be monetary, in our busy and fast-paced life kids enjoy one-on-one time with parents playing a board game, reading a book, or doing an art project. Remember, never shy away from assigning tasks. You’re not being cruel, you are simply allowing children to solve their own problems. Assigning tasks and getting them completed is not easy, but it is part of parenting. It can take years and plenty of patience, but the end results will be raising a responsible child who will grow into a responsible adult.

When my son was young and had many friends coming in and out of our house, I gave him the task of changing the code on our garage door. We even kept a little notebook that would show the codes as he changed them. This also helped him to be the “adult” among his friends and explain that he had rules to follow. Follow your child’s lead, and together you will find the answers.

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