Dread with Love by Aja Graves

Beating Dread With Love by Aja Graves

I’ve been dreading this time of year. I’ve been dreading the holidays and that seems so unlike me. Almost every year of my life the most exciting time for me were the winter holidays and it was because of my family, and specifically my grandmother whom I called MaMa. Holidays were always at her house, and though technically it was my grandparent’s home, in my mind it was MaMa’s house. Sorry Granddad.

When I was a girl, the morning of each holiday I would barely eat just so that I’d have enough stomach room for her food and my children had begun to do the same. Her turkey dressing alone brought people from near and far to eat but it was much more than that, it was her.

She is why we came to celebrate. Her presence made us all feel loved and welcomed. I imagine and know actually, that it took a lot to feed us all, as there would be anywhere from 25-40 people some holidays, but never once did she complain, at least not for us to hear, and never once did she run out of food. I always knew her ability to be a blessing in that way, was because her heart was so big and because she had faith that God would provide her and us with all we would need and He did.

She is gone now. Right before Thanksgiving last year that big heart of hers stopped beating, she stopped breathing, and though they resuscitated her, she had been gone too long. She was … and is gone. So this holiday season, I am not as excited. I know that I still have so much to hope for, to celebrate and to be happy for and I am. I have a wonderful and perfect mother, a husband and children that make my heart sing, but the person behind family holidays is gone and I don’t know how else to feel about it but to dread it.

Then I just remembered as I typed this. She lost people, people she loved and cared for, and yet she cooked, still gathered us all, still loved us all and that is how she went on; with love. And so, somehow, I must vanquish dread with love, and create new memories, and traditions, and experiences that would make her proud. And make it clear that I was paying attention.

-In Memory of Carrie L. Wynn -

© Aja 2018

Aja is the writer of sensually erotic and passionate women’s fiction. Her stories allow readers to experience realistic, inspiring, and soulful interactions and intense passion while

overcoming life’s challenges. She is inspired by soulful music and sensual art to craft her stories. Her published works include the Love & Passion series featuring her new release Good Old Soul. Aja is working on her next love story, Love’s Required.

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