Bullying in our Schools

JUNE /JULY 2018

Sistah’s Place Magazine Bullies June/July 2018

Bullies and Middle School Blues

By Jeanee R. Patton

Middle school is tough enough with puberty emerging and raging new hormones bouncing off the walls all while trying to find your rightful place amongst your peers. And let’s not leave out the art of trying to stay true to yourself. It’s a time of discovery and a time of learning just who you are as a young adult. Add on dealing with individuals trying to damage your self-esteem, and you have a case of true middle school blues.

Recently my daughter shared that she was being bullied by a group of girls at her middle school. It was only after the school year was nearing the end she finally shared this information. After numerous times of asking, begging and pleading for her to talk about what was going on, she finally confided in my sister.

Photo Credits: Courtesy of Jeanee Patton

Prior to being bullied, my daughter was known for her smile and ability to connect with other kids. She was that popular girl that everyone wanted to be around; then middle school happened. My daughter’s bubbly personality changed drastically. Her brightness and happiness were

Jeanee Patton

sucked out of her, taking her to a low place, so much so, she started wearing dark colors. The vibrant colors faded away and were replaced with black, grey and white. The days of seeing her in bright, expressive colors became a thing of the past. This was different and opposite of the child I knew; she had always worn bright, vibrant colors that matched her personality. Not only was it different but it was a red flag, there was something going on and changing the person that she once was. The middle school blues was in full bloom.

Her spirit was broken when she was referred to as a “pig,” because of the shape of her nose. To add insult to injury, she was teased about her weight. She was body-shamed and told that she looked horrible in blue jeans. Eventually, she stopped wearing jeans altogether. Her self-esteem plummeted with every negative word spoken to her. It was as if the negative words were sticking to her skin like glue. She walked with her head hung low and started wearing clothes that were too big for her body.

As a parent, naturally, you want to shelter and protect your child from harm’s way. The harsh reality is we can’t be with them every minute of the day. I was very upset to find out my baby girl was being bullied at school and I was not there to protect her. It hurt to know that middle school girls, her peers, could have that much power over her personality to change her into someone I no longer knew. I was livid that she had to endure the heartache and pain of bullying all while trying to focus on school.

During this tough time, I constantly communicated with my child. I encouraged her and did my best to uplift her spirits, all while not knowing the root of the problem. I often read poetry to her and showed her inspirational videos. As a mother, I did all I knew humanly possible to keep her lifted. Ultimately, I knew I had to depend on the power of prayer. It allowed me to intercede on her behalf and speak life over her and the situation of her being in such a gloomy state.

I learned the importance of parents listening to their child(ren) without judgment when they confide in you. Make sure to listen carefully to their fears and how things affect them. Take a deep breath and know how you handle the current situation can determine if your child feels comfortable sharing information with you in the future. You want your child to feel comfortable sharing with you and see you as a safe place. The goal is for your child to confide in you or someone they trust, to reach out for help during this time of middle school blues and bullying.

It’s important to report known incidents of bullying with your child’s teacher and/or principal. They are trained professionals who have policies put in place to intervene. There are also numerous organizations and websites available to assist in recognizing bullying and educating prevention resources to include, Stopbulling.gov, Gab Squad Bullying Programs, STOMP Out Bullying, and NAPAB: National Association of People Against Bullying.

I am grateful we found out about my daughter’s middle school bullying which led to her middle school blues and the fact we were able to turn things around with the proper assistance. My daughter is now a rising 9 th grader that will have new challenges to face, but she is better equipped in knowing how to handle difficult situations. She has already said she wants to wear colors again. This is a huge accomplishment. She is making great strides in her journey of

Jeanee Patton

Sistah’s Place Magazine Bullies June/July 2018

reclaiming her self-esteem. She already has a positive outlook on high school. She is facing her fears and truly moving forward on her journey to the next phase of her life.

I’m personally thankful that she made it through her journey of being bullied and the middle school blues. I am also thankful that she was able to overcome. There are so many children who commit suicide due to bullying thinking it’s their only option. According to the CDC, Bullying Statistics (www.bullyngstatistics.org) reports the third leading cause of death for youth is suicide. There are 4,400 deaths per year due to suicide in children. I pray not another child feels this hopeless and decides to make a permanent decision based on temporary circumstances.

It truly takes a village to raise children, and my village is deep. I realize it's okay for my daughter to confide in other trustworthy family members. The key is for her to know she is surrounded by people who love her and share in her best interest. Together she is stronger, because of the bonds that bind her to her support team.

If you or someone you know is being bullied and/or contemplating suicide, there is help available. Please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline online or call 1-800-273-8255. Please talk to someone immediately for assistance.

Anti-bullying Resources and WebsitesStopbulling.gov - www.stopbullying.gov/Gab Squad Bullying Programs – www.gabsquad.comSTOMP Out Bullying – www.stompoutbullying.org/information-and-resourcesNAPAB: National Association of People Against Bullying – www.napab.org

Jeanee Patton