Tiger Times Volume 52 Issue 7

Satiger Times April

Volume 52

Issue 7

ttonl.org

WHY SO CEREAL?

Which goes first?

Find out on pg. 8

2

SCHOOL NEWS

News Briefs Mr. Kowalski smiles for the first time As of March 25, high school social studies teacher James Kowalski has been engulfed in a major scandal after he was caught smiling in his room while eating a bowl of homemade granola during activity period.

Despite his attempt to quickly hide his smile by pulling up his mask, he was spotted by Sean Kim, sophomore APUSH student. Mr. Kowalski has not responded to requests for comments since that incident.

“As soon as I entered his room, something was off,” Sean Kim said. “I made direct eye contact with him, and he didn’t know what to do. I knew he was trying to play it cool, but his eyes darted back and forth under his foggy glasses—in full on panic mode. Oh, Mr. Kowalski.”

Photo by Alice Lee (10)

Seniors stunned by how easy AP Calculus BC is

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ver since the beginning of AP Calculus BC this year, seniors have found the course to be extremely easy.

Calculations reveal that the majority of students maintain an average of 98 and above, showing unprecedented results.

According to the College Board, AP Calculus BC is a fairly difficult course to pass, but students’ performances at SIS reflect a different perspective of the course. With only one retake so far, the seniors have begun questioning the course level, complaining that the course is too easy. Some students have also begun to raise concerns about academic rigor, worried that the course will not be considered challenging enough for their college applications.

“I definitely consider AP Calculus BC an easy course,” John Kang (12), a senior taking

the course, said. “I assumed there would be complex calculations and concepts to understand. However, I am surprised because it is, in fact, one of the least challenging classes.”

Continuing through the course, students have begun urging the faculty to replace the mathematics course with something more challenging and realistic. Creating a student-led protest called the “#GoodbyeCalcBC” movement, some students have even begun to spread their complaints through various social media platforms, such as Instagram and Facebook. Questioning whether or not AP Calculus BC is even a suitable course for seniors in respect of their age, students have popularized the “#GoodbyeCalcBC” movement not only at SIS, but also to seniors in other international

schools who share the same opinion on the course.

“Through the ‘#GoodbyeCalcBC’ movement, seniors are more than prepared for a more rigorous AP Calculus course,” James Yoo (12), the founder of the #GoodbyeCalcBC movement, said. “I believe establishing the movement was necessary because seniors should be taking a much more challenging and rigorous course, especially given the higher-level mathematics courses they will be taking in college. I hope the movement can push the school to provide the seniors with a more applicable and practical course in the near future.”

In response to students’ complaints about AP Calculus BC, teachers feel relieved that students will not likely struggle for the rest of their course. Teach-

ers are also planning to make much harder exams, expecting students to consistently achieve high academic performance.

Teachers are curious to how students will perform in the next unit, which is regarded to be toughest among all: rotating graphical shapes.

“I would have to say that AP Calculus BC is easy simply because it is, by design, the simplest course in the math curriculum of any school,” Nathan Warkentin, AP Calculus BC teacher, said. “We all know that it is impossible to fail college-level mathematics courses, and math should, therefore, also be a walk in the park at the high school level as well.”

BY: Jack Lee Sophomore, Reporter

Photo by Alice Lee (10)

Student leaves mic on while cooking pasta during class On March 26, SIS senior Alice Kwak sluggishly logged into her first period online class—with her mic turned on.

In order to punish her for arriving an hour late, Alice’s math teacher decided to not inform her to see if she would notice and fix the problem. However, as hopeful as the teacher was, Alice was unaware and resumed cooking a bowl of bolognese pasta, wreaking havoc in the kitchen.

“I could hear pots and pans crashing through Alice’s computer,” Paul Smith, statistics teacher, said. “There was even a time when Alice screamed from burning herself. Not only were my students confused, but they were embarrassed for her. The worst part about all of this was that Alice didn’t notice her mic was turned on during the entire class period.”

Senior receives college application results from Stamford After weeks of opening college letters, Jake Huh, senior student, finally received the one he had been anticipating the most—Stanford University. With cold sweat streaming down his forehead, his trembling fingers anxiously clicked on the status update to reveal: “Congratulations! You’ve been admitted to the Class of 2025!”

“Words could not express how happy I was at that moment. It felt like all my hard work had paid off,” Jake exclaimed. “Yet, my parents and I were in complete shock. How could I, ranked lowest in my grade, be admitted to such a prestigious school? I soon realized, however, that I was accepted to Stamford University in Singapore, a community school with a 100 percent acceptance rate. Well, I guess I’m going to Singapore now.”

BY: Jennifer Kwon Sophomore, Reporter

No students found ranting to Mr. Lee In the past week, Eugene Lee, high school science teacher, was absolutely shocked to find that no students came to his classroom to rant. Considering how his student counseling sessions are normally booked out three months in advance, this new development has been astounding to most.

“I am really unsure of how this phenomenon came about,” Tyga Times (10), rapper and spokesperson for the Sophomore Class, said. “I was not one of the people who religiously went and visited Mr. Lee’s room, so I am not sure what happened. I think they collectively changed their mentality and planned something, or none of this makes any sense. My friends and I have been debating about the cause for this, but we have yet to reach a conclusion.”

While students often like to

approach Mr. Lee to complain about upcoming assignments or terrible test scores they received, these rants do not strictly pertain to academics at SIS. Older students can most likely be found ranting about college applications and their future life paths.

However, with the absence of any human presence in the room besides Mr. Lee himself for all student free periods for the past week, even the administration and the leadership team have become concerned about the extreme abnormality in student behavior. Some speculate that it has to do with students’ mental health, but cannot find a clear connection. Others claim that it has to be some odd coincidence that all of the M204 frequenters have now suddenly stopped paying their visits.

“I am not sure why every-

one stopped showing up to my classroom,” Mr. Lee said. “I truly thought I had found this bond of mutual trust and understanding, and I believed my students felt the same way. I have been so down over the past week knowing that no students are here to brighten up my room. As the counselor of the high school student body, I would expect that everyone feels comfortable with coming up to me and discussing anything on their mind. On the other hand, it is a slight relief that I am not burdened with everyone’s problems all the time. Maybe I will get to enjoy my alone time with Bob Ross for once.”

When questioned about his being a counselor, Mr. Lee refused to elaborate further, claiming “You guys think you know I am just a science teacher, but trust me, there have been talks behind

closed doors about my role as a counselor. It is official. More official than you think.” However, when Tiger Times inquired about this unforeseen development to HS Vice Principal Gray Macklin, he replied stating that there was “no such thing” and does “not know what Mr. Lee is talking about at all.”

“I was one of the students that stopped visiting Mr. Lee’s room,” Ed Iterr (12), one of Mr. Lee’s previous students, said. “Honestly, I do not know. There is no particular reason. We did not create an elaborate plan for any of this to happen. None of us know what is going on. I am sorry to Mr. Lee, but I do not think any of us are actually going back.”

BY: Sarah Ju Junior, Copy Editor

Tiger Times

April 2021

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Tiger Times Staff

Tiger Times Tiger Times exercises the right to report on and editorialize all topics, events or issues, including those unpopular or controversial, insofar as they affect or interest the school, community, nation, and world. We refrain from publishing material that advertises illegal products or services, is obscene, libelous, or invades privacy. We refrain from publishing material that creates a clear and present danger or the immediate material and substantial physical disruption of the school.

Volume 52 Issue 7 April Seoul, South Korea TTONL.org a free publication of

Seoul International School

Paper Editors-In-Chief Brian Ham Eric Hwang Website Editors-in-Chief Christopher Shin Joanne Yang

Paper Managing Editor Jiwon Lee Website Managing Editor Jenny Seo Production Editors Emily Oh Eddie Hahm

Layout Artists Ashley Kim Clara Lim Jasmine Jeong Hannah Kim Copy Editors Rosa Suh Sarah Ju Emily Sung Skylar Peck Hugo Lee

Reporters Rachel Yoon Bona Suh Sunny Lee Minjae Chun Jennifer Kwon Erin J. Choi Jordan Kim Katherine Suk Katie Kim Isabelle Lee

Irene Kim Jack Lee Aimee Choi Alice Lee Woojune Kim Jennifer You Adviser Ms. Wendy Grant

F E AT U R E A R T I C L E Students fail to qualify for COVID-19 test retake Ever since they were first administered, COVID-19 tests have been notoriously challenging. The March COVID-19 test marked the highest level of difficulty ever seen, bringing chaos among students.

The curve was unprecedentedly horrendous as well, resulting in a historically low passing rate; all students except for three failed the test due to their impatience and lack of studying. Not only was the test itself hard, but this year’s testing students also had the lowest rate of formative completion.

“I completely failed this test,” Jannah Kim (11), a member of the medical club, said. “I had pulled three all-nighters studying for my exam, but my result was negative, which is unacceptable. They used a new swab for this test, way longer than the ones we usually

use. I remember the room was filled with students gagging and coughing because of the unexpected length of the swab. It was total chaos.”

In order to pass a COVID-19 test, students are required to tolerate 20 or more seconds with nasopharyngeal swabs in their nostrils and throat. However, according to the statistics released by the Covid Board, the institute responsible for creating the test, less than 4 percent of students could tolerate the test for more than 15 seconds.

Thus, just in SIS, around 540 students were required to take a retake. Unfortunately, all 540 students did not participate in the formative practices and did not finish the formative assessments for the March COVID-19 test. Thus, none of the students qualified for

a potential retake. However, the students have argued that the unforeseen difficulty of the test was uncalled for, and that students should be guaranteed a retake given that the vast majority have failed to pass.

“This was my first year taking the test,” Blaire Kim (9), a member of the STEM club, said. “I did not even know about the formative assessments and the practice sessions. This is outrageous. I need an outstanding COVID-19 test score for my college applications.

If I fail this test, I cannot apply for my dream school, as they only accept students who passed the COVID-19 test.”

The Covid Board is planning to hold a conference with the all leadership teams of the affected high schools on April 25 to discuss

this issue. The situation regarding the March test may be classified as a special case and students may be able to take a retake with the formative make-up assignments and student-nurse conferences.

However, until the conference takes place, nothing is confirmed.

“We never had an issue like this before,” Markus Ackerman, the head of Covid Board, said. “Covid Board is planning to interview several students from SIS to determine what happened with the missing assignments and practice participation. Although nothing is confirmed at the moment, we are trying our best to consider every students’ situation and come to a lenient decision.”

BY: Katherine Suk Junior, Reporter

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GLOBAL NEWS

News Briefs

Air Force One aircraft makes drastic changes

President Biden stumbled three times as he boarded Air Force One on March 19, as he made his way to Atlanta, Georgia. He tripped up the steps before composing himself and saluting on the top of the steps. In response to the mocking and concerns, the US president reassured the public that he was not injured at all. Air Force One has begun rebuilding its aircraft, announcing that it will modify it by replacing the staircase with an escalator, adding cushioned mattresses at the sides, and pads to cover the sharp edges of the escalator. Anticipating two full months to complete the construction, Air Force One claims that this modification was made to bring maximum comfort to the President, and was additionally confirmed that this change will be permanent. This came as a major disappointment to the public, and many expressed dissatisfaction in no longer being able to see potential falls of future presidents.

“Initially, when I heard Air Force One would be going through reconstruction, I thought it was a joke,” Kamala Harris, vice president of the United States said. “However, seeing the new design in person, I see that it was tailored to implement almost every safety measure possible. I am sure that our president will be very satisfied, and I hope this prevents any further falls.”

Teachers endorse Wikipedia as the most reliable source

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n March 27, Wikipedia released a new survey revealing that most teachers endorse Wikipedia as the most reliable source. The survey asked teachers to choose both the most and least reliable sources from a list of informative websites. Out of the 10,000 teachers surveyed worldwide, 87 percent chose Wikipedia to be the most reliable.

With 11 percent approval, Buzzfeed came in second in reliability. Unsurprisingly, researchers also announced that the majority of teachers collectively chose JSTOR as the least reliable source.

“Of course I recommend students use the largest database of information since the Library of Alexandria,” Steven Nave, a history teacher, said.

“The superior organization of information makes research so much more efficient. It is much easier to copy and paste pertinent information from Wikipedia than JSTOR. During class discussions a student can literally sleep through the preparation and research phase and simply read from Wikipedia and act as though they are really smart. This strategy is much more effective than reading those extremely boring and rambling JSTOR articles for hours that have nothing to do with the actual topic.”

Many claim that Wikipedia was very reliable because editing access is open to all, meaning that people could help

each other fix their errors and encounter different perspectives and opinions.

This also means that anyone who revises the page can add information they think is accurate, as well as their own perceptions and beliefs on the topic.

Another trait of Wikipedia that many teachers love is that it always appears as the first search result when a topic is googled. They claim that efficiency is of utmost importance when it comes to research and Wikipedia was perfect for that. On the other hand, this was not the first time that JSTOR was criticized for being unreliable. JSTOR has a long history of being a problematic source since it only provides journal articles, which make it harder for people to find information quickly. Furthermore, individuals have to struggle through ten or more pages just to find out if the respective source is what they need.

“The results really did not surprise me,” Timmy Whale, an avid fan and employee of Wikipedia, said. “In fact, I am surprised that this survey had to be taken in the first place. I still remember the first day I visited Wikipedia. For the first time, I was actually able to understand what people were saying. DBQ was a breeze and I aced all my APUSH summatives. Not only did I start receiving all As in my research papers, but I was also able to publish my research on the world’s most renowned research

paper collections. My life changed entirely just by clicking on the first result that came out on Google.”

Today, many schools are considering making the use of Wikipedia mandatory in all classes. As the website grows bigger, so does its recognition by people all around the world.

In fact, many experts are publishing research papers on why Wikipedia is the perfect source for teachers and students of all grades when searching for a reliable source with precise information. With this issue being brought to light, teachers are happy that their claims are finally being recognized and are bringing reforms. The future looks bright for Wikipedia.

“For me Wikipedia is the height of reliability,” Patrick Young, an English teacher, said. “It is like the Ford Pinto or the Hindenburg. Just because someone is an “expert” on something does not mean they know what they are talking about. I want crowd participation in my academic resources so that I feel included. I want to see information that I already agree with so that I can relate to it. Isn’t that what research is all about?

In my class, I will definitely have Wikipedia replace JSTOR, which is not even a real store, by the way. Fake news. ” BY: Hannah Kim Sophomore, Layout Editor

Suez Canal blockage

For once, unplugging and plugging something back in was not the solution. The captain of the Ever Given, which had made headlines last month for blocking up the popular Suez Canal, managed to immediately get his boat jammed in the canal just moments after freedom. Captain Blake Theway had vowed to “do a 180” on his driving skills, but unfortunately took the statement too literally; after some aggressive spinning which resulted from his overexcitement in finally moving, much like one punches the gas pedal after escaping a grueling traffic jam, he simply got the boat stuck the other way around. As a result, the canal’s ratings dropped significantly, with one recently wedded customer describing how this completely ruined his honeymoon to the Suez Canal.

“This is completely ridiculous—my shipments of my avocado slicer and ranch dressing soda have been delayed again,” Namal Gasser, frequent user of canals, said. “I’ve made the switch to the Panama Canal and have never felt better.”

Elon Musk and Grimes name their second child “John” Elon Musk and Grimes announced the name of their second child via Twitter, causing a wave of panic t byTesla’s investors and resulting in a loss of $5 billion. The temporary decline in Tesla’s value occurred post-announcement of Elon Musk and Grimes’ first child name reveal: X Æ A-XII. The combination of roman numerals to represent a name left much uncertainty regarding the pronunciation and legal registration. Mass predictions to Elon Musk and Grimes’ second child’s name circulated throughout social media over the past weeks; however, the couple decided upon “John”, the 92nd most common name worldwide. This irony displayed by the stark contrast of the unusual name “X Æ A-XII” and one of the most standard names “John” raised the question among the public whether or not this decision making process will be reflected in Tesla as well.

“Elon kept his second child’s name a secret from me, our close friends, and even his family,” Larry Page, co-founder of Google and a close friend of Elon Musk, said. “I can see why, for I am sure that if he revealed it earlier, all of us would try to convince him to change it immediately. I can without doubt rank this incident as one of the most shocking moments of my life; it makes me wonder what the name of his third child will be.”

BY: Erin J. Choi Sophomore, Reporter

College Board apologizes for making March SAT too difficult

On March 14, the day after that month’s notoriously challenging international SAT, the College Board apologized for the test’s unprecedentedly high level of difficulty. David Coleman, not SIS’s David Coleman but the president of the College Board, appeared with a box of tissues on dozens of television channels worldwide to deliver his message to test-takers. “The College Board always strives to torment students with our boring, arduous SATs,” he tearfully said. “I am sorry that students are unappreciative of the immense effort we took to make them suffer.” Reportedly, students from all over the world had stormed the College Board headquarters in New York to lodge a complaint shortly after the administration of the test, breaking dozens of COVID-19 guidelines in the process.

“The entire test was in a different language!” Andrew Lee (11), a student who read the entire reading section with the test paper upside down and spoke on the condition of anonymity, said. “I cannot believe this. I am aware that the US does not have an official language, but I never expected to be tested in Swahili! I will admit that I feel betrayed by the College Board, but I have decided to graciously accept their

apology because in this day and age, revealing that I am monolingual would be an embarrassment.”

However, complaints continued even after the public apology; test-takers demanded recompense for a Saturday wasted “killing my brain cells,” as one Redditor eloquently put it. Subsequently, the College Board announced that the overly difficult questions would not factor into the scoring. These questions included the widely disputed problem in the math calculator section that asked for the sum of 9+10. According to the SAT student thread on Reddit, 90 percent of students had written 21, with the majority of them blaming a viral Vine video for the incorrect answer.

Another particularly controversial question was “what color is this paper?”—to which most responded with “the color of the bleak future of my life.”

“I am bitterly disappointed that the College Board decided to be lenient with the scoring,” Joshua Chang (10), self-proclaimed genius, said. “I actually breezed through the whole test, and I am confident that I will score at the very least a 1700. Many of my friends struggled with a simple multiple choice question on the writing section that asked how to spell the word ‘misspell.’ I cannot understand

how they missed that—the answer is obviously ‘m-i-s-p-e-l-l.’ Who could possibly misspell a word as simple as that?”

The general consensus among high school students is to take the ACT instead due to the unpredictable nature of the SAT. The most recent ACT had had much easier questions that involved simply finding the derivative of trigonometric functions. In the past month, multiple colleges have posted notices saying they will not accept SAT scores anymore. With the absolutely, horrifyingly botched March SAT, in addition to the recent decision to discontinue SAT subject tests, it is more than likely that the College Board will go bankrupt in the foreseeable future.

“I thought students were smarter than this,” Har D’mar Chessaytee, a College Board employee, said in a confidential interview with the Tiger Times. “I am very concerned about the future of our nation if this is our future generation. However, since the College Board is clearly a for-profit institution, we want students to continue to take the SAT so that my colleagues and I can continue to make money. Therefore, the College Board ultimately made the decision to prevent our customers from leaving. Though, the students’ ability to bully a billion-dollar company into following their wishes is truly admirable.”

BY: Skylar Peck Sophomore, Copy Editor

Tiger Times

April 2021

5

Scientists discover Earth is cake On March 25, notable scientists from 17 countries convened in the Global Scientific Advancement Conference (GSAC) to discuss research findings and announce a scientific breakthrough: the world is cake. As videos of everyday items being ultra-realistic cake began circulating throughout the internet in 2020, scientists began examining the true nature of the very land humans step on, eventually garnering evidence from NASA, the International Council on Mining and Metals, and other major scientific organizations confirming that the globe is indeed a sphere of strawberry cake. This discovery will have significant consequences on both the scientific community and citizens’ daily lives by altering explanations of gravity, fossils, natural resources, and other fundamental aspects of Earth.

“Our work marks a turning point and a new stage in the history of science,” Nicolaus Galilei, one of the leading attendees of GSAC, said. “I feel deeply rewarded for contributing to this discovery especially because I was nominated for the Nobel Prize of Science of 2021. I congratulate all scientists involved in this monumental step in geology.”

It was the combination of multiple signs in nature that provided scientists with indisputable evidence that this Earth is cake.

In late January, scientists found that the chemical composition of snow from the mountaintops of Mount Everest was similar to that of cream cheese frosting. In the summer of 2020, a group of experimental scientists tasted dried lava from the volcanic eruptions in Hawaii and deduced that the flavor resembled strawberry filling. With numerous other pieces of evidence in their hands, scientists expressed fascination with the diverse composition of Earth and speculated that the different layers of Earth—the crust, mantle, and core—are in fact distinct layers of one large cake.

Now, with various pieces of evidence, what was once mere speculation has now been cemented as a scientific fact, breaking headlines

across every international border.

“I was initially shocked when I heard the news because I cannot study my dear rocks anymore,” Florence Lyell, a Brazilian geologist, said. “But the bright side is that I can eat cake whenever I want to during work. When I was hungry last time, I packed a kilometer-long layer of cake from my research site and munched on them on the way home. I highly recommend digging out some cake to anyone who does rigorous outdoor activities for a living.”

People all around the world have shown mixed reactions.

Some express concern regarding the fact that the global education curriculum on geology and environmental science must be completely changed, while others celebrate the remarkable increase in the world’s food supply. Many are calling for governments to allocate portions of terrestrial cake to populations experiencing starvation. In response, the United Nations is planning on instituting an international agency named Let Them Eat Cake to distribute the surface of Earth to end world hunger. Overall, this revolutionary finding of the nature of Earth has many implications for the future of science and humanity.

“Though I had always been intrigued by the topic of geology, the discovery of the world being cake was the key motivation for my decision to major in it,” Balthazar Kim (11), science enthusiast, said. “I am mostly looking forward to studying the formation of Earth at the beginning of time.

Which celestial force concocted this cake? Where did the ingredients come from? Perhaps most importantly, who decided to make this cake? Was it god? Aliens?

There are a plethora of questions waiting to be answered, and I am more than eager to contribute to this area of study.”

BY: Aimee Choi Sophomore, Reporter

YouTube decides to add five ads before a viewer can watch any video

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n March 28, a cry of anguish swept through the internet after YouTube revealed that it would start playing five ads before a monetized video. Previously, content on the online video sharing platform enabled only at most two ads in the beginning. This new change, which will fall into effect on April 4, was met with biting criticism and outrage from YouTube users, many of who disliked the decision far more than YouTube Rewind 2018.

“To me, this change felt like the betrayal of an old friend,” Kash Register (10), a self-proclaimed YouTube addict, said. “I gave my life and monthly savings to YouTube. I even got a tattoo of the YouTube logo on my shoulder to stand in solidarity with it. Did you also see my limited edition,

Sour Patch scented YouTube toerings? I have absolutely no words to describe my disappointment.

How could you do this to me, YouTube? After all I have done for you? #youtubecangosuckmytoe.”

In an attempt to give closure to the frenzy, YouTube released a formal statement on Tumblr justifying their decision. For one, they stated that increasing the number of ads by more than twofold would allow the toe fetish community to prosper, a new development that would help spread “positivity and good vibes”. Additionally, they believed that a change of customs would give a “lovely surprise” to YouTube users, who were likely having a terrible day.

This change is also a nod to scientific studies done by prestigious research institutions and funded

by A-Company-That-Is-Definitely-Not-YouTube Industries in recent months that point to a direct correlation between watching ads and personal wellbeing. According to a study done by the Great Toe Alliance this February, consuming more ads could potentially improve brain functions by 60 percent, induce clearer skin, and raise confidence levels by 200 percent.

“Of course, we wholeheartedly understand that this change may not sit well with many of our users,” Rodrigo Peppertóes IV, YouTube chief ambassador, said.

“However, this new step forward will regenerate the economy and provide a myriad of amazing health benefits. In no way are we trying to exploit our viewers to satisfy our own greedy, capitalistic desires. Definitely not. This

decision was purely motivated by a desire to help the general public.”

According to the Pewds Research Center, the number of ads per video is expected to exponentially grow to 23 by 2040 and enter the triple digits by 2060.

They also predict that in response to these new changes, viewers will develop a natural immunity to the annoyance of ads. Meanwhile, recent research done by Stamford University this March indicates a perhaps more undesirable side effect. According to the university’s lead researcher, Thearth Isflatt, the increase in ads will lead humankind to regress, abandoning their civilian ways, and rediscovering their instincts as aboriginal primates—a hypothetical phenomenon commonly known to scientists as “return to monke”. YouTube, however, has

denied these claims and is preparing to file a lawsuit against the university for slander, libel, and hurt feelings.

“I can not understand why YouTube is trying to censor what is obviously the truth,” Disco Panda, one of the researchers at Stamford University, said. “But we will not submit to their wishes like squiggly-armed losers. Just as how our holy lord and savior Galileo Galilei was forced to keep silent yet changed the world with his ideas, we too will prevail. Our lord is watching us from the skies, his lively eyes twinkling like starlight. We will not fail him.”

BY: Bona Suh Sophomore, Reporter

6

SPORTS

Apple releases iJacket with zipper sold separately

In recent years, Apple has been venturing outside its normal range of electronic products consisting of computers and phones. For one, Apple has attempted to dominate the music market with its newest product, the AirPods Max. Now, Apple is further experimenting beyond its trademark products.

On March 19, Apple officially announced the release of its revolutionary clothing: the iJacket.

The iJacket is the world’s first electronically powered jacket, installed with an advanced climate control system that makes it suitable for all climates. The jacket can be found in all Apple stores for 3,000,000 won.

However, the zipper, a critical component of the jacket, is sold separately for 1,000,000 won, claimed

by Apple to be a necessary move for alleviating climate change and protecting the environment.

“I am really excited about the new iJacket,” Max Mac, a passionate fan of Apple products, said. “I think it is ingenious that Apple incorporated modern electronic technology to produce an effective all-weather jacket. I really enjoyed using the AirPods Max. I am sure I will not be disappointed by the iJacket.”

The iJacket is arguably one of the most revolutionary Apple products since the introduction of the iPhone in 2007. The climate control system consists of 30 mini air conditioners and 27 heaters spread throughout the jacket that turn on and off according to the environmental temperature, which is detected by advanced sensors on the jacket’s exterior.

But there is a catch: without the zipper the jacket is essentially useless as the warm air or cold air produced by the fans inside the

jacket can easily escape the jacket, greatly reducing its insulation capacity. Moreover, Apple has programmed the jacket so that its climate control system would not activate until the zipper is fully zipped up, making the zipper a critical, mandatory component for all buyers of the iJacket.

“I think the iJacket is a masterpiece as it redefines the entire concept of jackets,” Johnny Appleseed, regular user of Apple products, said.

“But without a zipper, it is impossible to use as the climate control system would not even activate. ” While on the surface, Apple selling the zipper as a separate product seems like an absurd exploitation of its customers that has unsurprisingly been criticized

by Apple users, the decision to do so is actually an effective method for combating climate change,

a cause to which Apple is firmly committed. By selling the zippers separately at high prices, Apple claims it is decreasing the amount of e-waste being released into the environment and effectively helping to reduce carbon footprint and preserve the environment. According to Apple, the zippers, although tiny, contribute to a large amount of litter when they add up, which may build up in the environment and hurt ecosystems. With this ingenious idea of discouraging consumers from buying its zippers with their unreasonable prices, Apple is indirectly encouraging its customers to reuse the zippers from their older jackets for the new i-Jacket, successfully eliminating the global environmental threat of discarded zippers.

“What we are doing here is a very effective method to fight cli-

NBA finals to be aired on Disney Channel

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n April 1, the NBA announced its plans of airing the NBA finals on Disney Channel, a development few saw coming. Disney also decided to air an all-new Mickey Mouse Clubhouse episode during halftime for the first game. Both sides see this collaboration as a very lucrative opportunity, as it gives the NBA a chance to expand its viewership to children, while Disney will attract more adult viewers. Experts predict a spike in teenage viewership of the NBA finals, which could benefit the league for years to come.

“I have always believed that Disney and the NBA could be great partners,” Don Alduc, avid television viewer, said. “This also opens up a million new possi-

bilities. Disney could animate its characters playing basketball against each other, or perhaps even against NBA players. How fun would it be to see the Avengers playing against the NBA allstar team? I bet fans would be very supportive of it. Personally, I would love to see Lebron James and Hulk in a dunk contest.”

Though the partnership between Disney and the NBA was unexpected, they have some history of working together. The 2020 NBA playoffs were hosted in a Disneyland bubble due to COVID-19, and players greatly enjoyed the experience there.

Many of them started watching old Disney shows while in the bubble, and they often ended up buying enormous dolls for them-

selves before leaving. So, when the NBA failed to reach an agreement with any other broadcasting network regarding the finals, it was no surprise that players and fans started pushing for a deal with Disney. When the deal was finalized, there was a broad consensus that this was one of the finest decisions ever made by Adam Silver, the NBA commissioner. Some fans have even speculated that the NBA team mascots will turn into Disney characters, which is not out of the question considering recent developments.

“We are always looking for opportunities to pair up with other organizations,” Bass Kets, senior NBA executive, said. “When Disney presented us with this unique opportunity, we could not

possibly say no. Disney Channel is loved by people of all ages, and so is basketball. When the two combine, there are few people in the world who would not be inclined to watch. We are confident that we will shatter any previous records of NBA finals viewership.”

This collaboration also reveals the trend of sports taking over other television channels. The first example of this was when the NFL aired a playoff game on Nickelodeon, amusing viewers with special effects that painted the screen whenever there was a big play. It gave football a fresh look that many fans were thrilled to see. The NBA took note of the NFL’s success and managed to pull off a huge partnership of its own. In the future, we may see even greater

mate change and environmental pollution, one of the most glaring problems of the 21st century,” Tim Cook, CEO of Apple, said. “Every year, hundreds of thousands of tons of zippers pile up in the landfills, many of them being dumped into the ocean and choking marine animals. Many zippers are made of plastic, meaning they are not biodegradable and steadily build up. By selling these deadly zippers separately at astronomical prices, Apple is encouraging people to reuse their zippers rather than buying new ones, saving Earth from the global zipper waste crisis and the larger plastic waste problem.”

BY: Hugo Lee Sophomore, Copy Editor

competition between sports leagues as they try to air content on any prominent television channel, particularly ones aimed at children such as Nickelodeon or Disney.

“Children are the masters of television these days,” Cart Woon, television enthusiast, said. “It is extremely hard to be successful unless you have a younger audience because older generations simply do not watch as much television. Taking that into account, this is a brilliant move from the NBA because they are joining hands with one of the biggest channels for kids. I hope to see many more collaborations like this in the future.”

BY: Woojune Kim Sophomore, Reporter

LIFESYTLE

7

Latest TikTok trend sends siblings to jail Mr. Miller wins prize for

TikTok is a social media platform where anyone and everyone can become famous. Many siblings have skyrocketed to mainstream stardom due to the application. Charli and Dixie D’Amelio, Jack and James Wright, Lisa and Lena Mantler are all examples of popular influencer siblings on TikTok. Recently, these siblings have found a new way to express their hatred for one another: the “#SendSiblingtoJail” challenge. The challenge, which involves filming your sibling committing a felony, originated from Dixie’s scandalous video uploaded on March 22 that shows Charli getting in a police car after attempting to lick pastries sold at the Dunkin’ Donuts on Hollywood Boulevard.

“Even though my little sister Tori ended up receiving a life sentence, I do not regret participating in the ‘#SendSiblingtoJail’ challenge,” Katrina Vega, a TikToker who gained one million followers after filming her sibling stealing one hundred iPhones, said. “I

gained a ton of followers and brand sponsorships because my video went viral. Although my parents are distraught, I am super happy. I hate Tori anyway.”

Throughout the past two years, various questionable TikTok challenges, such as the “#EatUntilYourStomachRipsOpen” challenge, have trended on the “For You Page.”

Nevertheless, the “#SendSiblingtoJail” challenge has garnered the most attention. Videos of siblings participating in the trend have gained more than 100 million views in total—the most viral one being of a boy robbing a bank while riding a white stallion. By carrying out such illegal activities, ordinary people can rise to TikTok celebrity. The global outreach of unsafe TikTok challenges has extended to fame-hungry students in the SIS community. The Jung siblings, whose first names will remain anonymous, faced severe consequences for participating in the “#SendSiblingtoJail” challenge

while on campus. One sibling dared the two other siblings to unleash 3,000 bats into the atrium. Luckily, pest control was able to get rid of the bats after a month of clean-up.

All three siblings were expelled.

“Honestly, I feel like ‘#SendSiblingtoJail’ is discriminatory against only children such as myself,” Monica Chung (10), said. “TikTok has become such a toxic platform that excludes people. I am enraged that I cannot participate in this epic challenge. I miss when the ‘Renegade’ dance was popular—at least that was a trend I could follow without a sibling.”

Siblings are going to great, arguably excessive, lengths to participate in the “#SendSiblingtoJail” challenge. Furthermore, there have been numerous global repercussions. Holding cells at police precincts and juvenile detention centers worldwide are full. All civilian courts are booked for the next three years as well. As can be assumed, the challenge is facing backlash from many enraged parents who feel as though their children are out of control. Since such parents are leaving negative reviews for TikTok on the App Store, TikTok’s rating has plummeted to zero stars.

“At first, the TikTok challenge was a funny prank. However, it has become tiring to manage all of these siblings,” Hordano Santiago, detective in the 99th Precinct in Brooklyn, said. “So many teenagers are going in and out of our precinct that the smell of sweat has become permanently embedded in the holding cells. Please stop this madness. My co-workers and I have to wear clothespins on our noses while working.”

BY: Katie Kim Sophomore, Reporter

perfectly imperfect bracket

E

ach year, during March Madness, when the most incredible upsets occur during the single-elimination National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA) men’s basketball tournament, basketball fans around the world come together to construct a perfect bracket before the start of the tournament. To award the basketball fan that creates the sacred, perfect bracket, ESPN prepares a monetary prize of $2 million. Morgan Miller, economics teacher, has made SIS proud and has delivered with an amazing feat though not winning the $2 million: the perfectly imperfect bracket. In over five decades, a plethora of avid basketball fans have gone close to creating a perfectly wrong bracket, but Mr. Miller is one of the first to actually accomplish it.

“I never thought I could pull this off,” Mr. Miller said. “Utilizing my expert knowledge in economics, I predicted that 2021 was when the highest seeded teams would advance to the final rounds of the NCAA tournament. However, more than anything, I would like to thank my family, all my amazing basketball players, and the extremely supportive SIS community for helping me get all—literally every single one—of my predictions wrong.”

Mr. Miller’s perfectly incorrect bracket is in fact an amazing feat that deserves to be recognized.

Tiger Times statisticians calculated that guessing all the wrong teams in the first round of the NCAA tournament is 0.0000000232831 percent likely. While many attempt to find the most accurate bracket during March Madness, Mr. Miller gave himself the creative challenge of guessing everything wrong. Mr. Miller is always looking for new missions, and this year, he has

definitely met his high hopes. The entire SIS community is waiting to see what amazing feat Mr. Miller accomplishes next year.

“Finding a challenge where there is not one is an amazing talent,” Derrick Fisherson, fellow bracket challenge participant and AP Language and Composition teacher, said. “Mr. Miller’s feat is both unheard of and extraordinary at once. To incorrectly guess all 64 of the first-round games is simply astonishing, and it just makes me realize that I have much to learn from the true bracket champion. So, if you see Mr. Miller in the hallway, everyone should definitely respect to Mr. Miller by chanting ‘F.’” The secret to the amazing feat is analyzing the curve of NCAA men’s basketball tournament matches.

Although the higher-seeded teams do not always advance to the upper rounds, the lower-seeded teams also do not always upset the higher-seeded teams. Through years of watching NCAA basketball and analyzing the “tournament upset data,” Mr. Miller predicted that in 2021, all the top-seeded teams would win as expected. However, Mr. Miller’s data successfully proved completely erroneous as each game passed and the most highly anticipated teams’ dreams were broken in the madness that ensues every March.

“Everyone was shocked by this year's NCAA tournament,” Ashy Kimmy (10), Mr. Miller’s protégé, said. “However, nobody expected Mr. Miller to successfully create the perfectly incorrect bracket. We are soon expecting a visit from ESPN senior reporter Adrian Wojnarowski to drop another ‘Woj bomb’ on Mr. Miller’s accomplishment.”

BY: Jordan Kim Sophomore, Reporter

Donald Trump’s presidency to be adapted into anime Following his rise to the presidency in 2016, Donald Trump has attracted the curiosity of many across the world, including in Japan. There is somewhat of a cultural fascination among quite a few Japanese with Trump’s bold persona and iconic look—his Oompa Loompa tan, red tie, and MAGA hat—that had been augmented especially by his famous Twitter rants. Admirers of Trump in Japan, who call themselves the Daidais (coined from the word for orange in Japanese), have created various merchandise ranging from towels to pencil sharpeners; some especially impassioned fans have opened a maid cafe with maids dressed as the orange man himself serving omelettes in the color and appearance of Trump’s face. This fascination has culminated to the highest level possible in Japan: getting an anime adaptation. Studio MAPPA, which is currently producing “Jujitsu Kaisen” and the final season of “Attack on Titan,” has risen to the role, promising the Daidais a faithful depiction of their idol.

“When Trump-san’s Twitter was shut down in January, I was devastated that I could no longer

get my daily dose of Trumpiness,” Weiabu Josuke, a passionate Daidai and one of the founders of the Sparkling Trump Maid Cafe, said. “I lay in my room for days, surviving on Trump omelettes and orange juice. I did not see sunlight for two months. But when the anime was announced, I was lifted out of my depression and back into the loving arms of my idol. Thank you, Studio MAPPA, for adapting Trump-san into an anime!”

MAPPA has revealed in a press conference last week that the anime, its working title being “Stardust Trump: Ultimate Justice Adventure X,” will be released sometime in 2024. It will be set in a fictionalized United States, chronicling Trump’s presidential term as a series of magical boss battles against foes inspired by prominent political opponents, such as Cardcaptor Biden, the Notorious AOC, and the most dangerous of all, Pelosi-chan.

Using powers based on signature policies like “GREAT WALL,” which summons a giant wall around his opponent, Trump will need to defeat his opponents to obtain the secret tan formula

locked in the US Capitol.

“Like many in Japan, my colleagues and I were intrigued by Trump-san’s bold and offensive demeanor,” Kirito Usodayo, head of Studio MAPPA, said. “Personally, his attitude reminded me of a classic shonen (action) protagonist such as Goku or Naruto: someone that belongs on the cover of a manga magazine while sporting an unrealistic hairstyle.

If we can capture the essence of what makes Trump-san so magnetic even to those that hate him with a burning passion, I believe that we could create the next big anime protagonist, one that will inspire people for years to come.”

Overseas and domestic reactions to the anime have been mixed. While some are outraged that Trump’s discriminatory attitude may be romanticized by the anime, most have expressed interest in seeing what “interesting” haircuts Trump and the other characters will have in the show. American politicians seem to be both wary and amused at the whole series of events, with many hoping to get a cameo in the anime or to purchase one of the limited edition Trump body

pillows. Among them, President Joseph R. Biden, who will play a major antagonist, has expressed surprisingly tepid reactions to what will perhaps be the most anticipated show to come in a few years. In fact, Mr. Trump himself was silent on the issue, possibly due to him not knowing that this is happening at all.

“I completely respect Studio MAPPA and Mr. Usodayo’s decision,” President Biden said. “That

being said, I myself am probably not going to watch the anime as I am not what the kids these days call a ‘weeb.’ I look forward to seeing Mr. Trump’s turbulent presidency provide a source of entertainment for many; this is a much better outcome than what could have happened instead.”

BY: Rosa Suh Sophomore, Copy Editor

8 VIEWPOINT Editorial

Why so cereal?

BY Eric Hwang

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Some of our more astute readers may have noticed that the byline of this issue’s editorial is conspicuously missing my traditional partner-in-crime who normally co-writes this editorial with me: Brian Ham. That is no mistake. Such human beings of weak moral character do not deserve platforms to share their repulsive views.

It is questionable if they should even enjoy human rights at all.

Brian has committed journalism’s highest sin. With deliberate and malicious intent, he has attempted to hide the truth from the public. In the presence of great villains, however, arise great heros, and as Dr. King once echoed, the moral arc of the universe bends towards justice. As such, I emerge before you today to correct Brian’s irredeemable wrongs and reveal the truth that Brian sought in vain to suppress. Let it be known: the undeniably, unequivocally correct way to make a bowl of cereal is to pour milk first, and if you disagree, well… Look up the Dunning-Kruger effect.

To illustrate this point, it is important to first consider texture. It is uncontroversial to claim that crisp provides a superior mouthfeel to soggy. Crispy is clean, crunchy, and satisfying, whereas soggy is mushy, oversatured, and overall miserable. As such, it logically follows that to make an ideal bowl of cereal, it is necessary to optimize the crispness of the cereal. By pouring milk after and therefore on top of the cereal, the cereal absorbs a percentage of the initial liquid. This in itself is not unduly problematic: the crispiness loss from the initial pour of milk is marginal. Rather, the issue with the cereal absorbing part of the initial milk pour is that it becomes heavier and sinks more quickly into the milk below it. As such, when a bowl of cereal is made by pouring milk second, the chef has accelerated the ticking time bomb that will explode when the cereal completely submerges into the milk and therefore becomes completely soggy and depressing.

The most common cereal-first-loyalist retort to this argument is to simply “eat faster.” While it is true that copying Ezekiel Elliot’s cereal eating technique is technically a workaround, is shoveling food faster into one’s mouth necessarily the optimal way to eat cereal? If an individual was enjoying a scrumptious bowl of Frosted Flakes in the comfort of their home, would their experience be enhanced by an overbearingly conspicuous clock ticking down the seconds until their cereal becomes soggy and worthless? The obvious answer is no. Being forced to rush a meal is one of the easiest ways to ruin a culinary experience, which is why the milk-second method cannot be considered optimal cereal-making technique.

Another essential factor in determining the empirical correctness of the milk-first method is consistency. Most people eat a majority of their bowls of cereal in a relatively consistent location—such as a home, workplace, or cafeteria. Such locations typically use sets of identical or nearly identical bowls and spoons. Given this plate and utensil consistency, when using the milk-first method by pouring the milk into a bowl that already has a spoon in it, the cereal-maker has an automatic, consistent measurement tool to control their milk level. For example, when I personally am at home and using my family’s standardized kitchenware, I like to pour my milk until it just covers the head of the spoon because this leaves me with a perfect not-too-much-not-too-little amount of cereal-flavored-milk after I finish my flakes. Others may find that they like to pour their milk until it covers half of the spoon’s head or perhaps three quarters: point being, the reliable measurements provided by the spoon allow for a consistently enjoyable and personally adjustable milk-level experience with every bowl of cereal.

Sometimes, the truth is unpopular. I understand that this editorial will be controversial and that it may generate some negative feedback. The responsibilities of a journalist, however, mandate me to highlight repressed facts, even if it may be dangerous and arduous to do so.

Publishing the truth is often a thankless job, but it is the right thing to do, just like pouring milk first when making a bowl of cereal.

Is water wet?

W

ater is empirically, undeniably, unequivocally wet.

Merriam-Webster defines “wet” as “consisting of, containing, covered with, or soaked with liquid (such as water).” This definition, albeit mostly clear, leaves some ambiguity. Would liquid—such as water—be considered to be wet? Or does it simply make other substances wet but is not itself ? This has been a topic of heavy debate and contention even in the SIS community. According to an Instagram poll on the Tiger Times account page, 56 percent of students and faculty members who replied believe water is wet, leaving the remaining 44 percent to believe otherwise. Due to a nearly even split, deciding which stance to take on this dispute has become more burdensome. However, upon deliberation, it is logically correct to assume that water is wet due to a multitude of reasons that prove the contrasting opinion flawed.

Justification for the wetness of water can be traced back to the aforementioned definition of “wet.” The two terms at the very start of the presented definition can prove that water is indeed wet. It encompasses not only objects that had direct contact with water, but also individuals consisting of or containing liquid—which surely and obviously includes the liquid source of water. Furthermore, the argument that water is not wet because it is merely the source that makes other objects wet cannot stand simply because of its many logical fallacies.

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For instance, this theory can be rebutted simply by a parallel example: fire is hot, and therefore it simultaneously makes other objects hot. The two qualities (wetness of the liquid, wetness of the contacting objects) are not at all mutually exclusive, and it is thus irrational to single one out and label it nonexistent. Additionally, the conditions an object may be in are wet or dry, plus the entire spectrum in between. However, in the case of water, the substance must solely be entirely wet or entirely dry because it is impossible for water molecules to be half dry or half wet. Thus, if a label had to be attached to water, it certainly would not be dry—as water being in the state of dryness is a somewhat ridiculous paradox—which only leaves the choice of labeling water as wet.

Despite the intricacy and accuracy of the previous argument, the answer that commonly appears when this question is typed into Google is sadly “no.” Mainly arguing on the basis of science, websites attempt to disprove the wetness of water. Completely challenging the opposing claim by defining wetness as “the ability of a liquid to adhere to the surface of a solid,” they make an argument that contact between a solid and a liquid must be established to prove wetness (UCSB Science Line). Additionally, they also declare that water cannot even wet all objects at all times as hydrophobic substances must also be taken into consideration: hydrophobic substances with a few droplets of water tend

oof!

to stay dry. It is also stated that water has strong cohesive forces due to hydrogen bonding, and thus does not spread out much on the surface of an object. This may disprove all theories that claim that water can wet any object or substance they contact. However, upon further consideration, these conditions do not necessarily hold true. For one, the complete difference in definition for the two sides serve for unequal comparison and argument, and the dispute becomes more of “what does it mean to be wet” than “is water wet,” which detracts from the focus of this debate. If both definitions cannot be accepted by either side, it is only necessary to talk about arguments excluding the different definition interpretations. Because the entirety of the argument of dry-water rests on a definitional challenge towards those who believe water is wet, disregarding both sides’ clashing definitions is fatal to them.

Using common sense, the next time you take a shower, wash your hands, or drink water, visualize a completely dry substance hitting your body, surrounding your hands, going through your throat. Then visualize a wet liquid doing the same. Which one is more feasible following basic logic? The concept of dry water is nothing more than a mere contradiction, and those who believe in this theory are simply refusing to accept reality as it is.

BY: Emily Sung Junior, Copy Editor

the month

Nathan Warkentin, AP Calculus BC teacher, offers advice to students preparing for upcoming May AP tests.

Photo by Alice Lee