High Risk Birth 07

Pregnancy had become me in the winter just passed. In the space between body and mind,

At the junction of my thighs, from deep within my womb.

A person would be born anew

Someone who’s been here before, in this world, many times past and to come. Birthed by a stranger who became their mother.

Time and time again, out from the unknown, held by insentient palms.

This person weighed heavy in the depths of my belly.

A collection of dreams and naïve intention, laden with expectations.

Full of unsourced wisdom and knowing, at last I was giving birth to self.

First spawned by strangers who barely knew themselves, now birthed by one who knows me best.

A subconscious gestation-- complicated, early in the first trimester.

Bedeviled by a disordered dysfunctional place, attempts to develop as one foiled.

By the second trimester, no hope could be found. Miscarriage loomed over the lost soul.

I’d written and signed a letter granting you quietus, conceding to the brutal practicality of this hopeless reality.

Bereaved at the prospect of losing someone I carried within me for so long, but never got to know.

Raging at any possible plausible probable cause. I- myself was dying, within my own womb.

Iii

Before the final trimester, I was told I’d be induced to birth a lifeless child.

Unwilling to accept this reality then led me to what was already dead—

What feeds on us all when we die, I consumed while alive.

Death had taken residence in my body title: three’s peak

I sought an early release. It was there between death and life, I felt the beating heart of a child long believed dead.

Granted a miraculous opportunity to begin, creating life.

We set out for an endless journey of healing. Learning to reparent we, who would soon fall from my womb.

Legs spread open and wide, pushing to embrace You.

Life and death exist on a spectrum. What lies in between? What lies beyond?

What will you birth in the hereafter? What might it cost you? What may you gain in the process?

Artist: elle ivy green

Plate 9