The Last Word

Jessica Griffin

The lump in her throat hardened and refused to go away. She watched as her father lay in that hospital bed, connected to all those tubes, his chest heaving up and down arrhythmically. The sight of her father in such a state crushed Jasmine. She didn’t know whether to focus on the machines or him, so she looked at the floor. She wanted to say something, anything, but she couldn’t think because of all the machines beeping. She wanted to comfort him, do something, but what? Could he even hear her?

“Dad, you know how thankful I am for everything, right?” she started, but the words formed an even bigger lump in her throat and now she was fighting back tears. No, she thought. I will not say goodbye, this is not how it ends. Just stay positive. “I’ll see you in the morning,” she said and rubbed his hand. The machines started beeping erratically. The nurses rushed in and started barking orders at each other. One of them nudged her out of the room.

Jasmine was sprawled across her bed when her alarm went off. She rolled over, and shut it off. She scrolled through her social media for a bit and got out of bed. It was Saturday morning, so she was in no rush to get dressed. She had no plans for the day, no plans to go anywhere or meet up with anyone. Shuffling around in the kitchen in her sweats, she made breakfast and sat down in her half-finished kitchen. Two of the four walls were painted, some of the cabinets were painted, and others were missing doors. A drill, paintbrushes, cans of paint, a tape measure and other miscellaneous tools littered the island countertop. There were boxes of tiles for the backsplash sitting unopened on the table, stacked on top of each other. She pushed the boxes to the side and sat down to eat. Maybe I’ll finish painting the walls today, she thought to herself.

Jasmine found painting to be therapeutic. The feeling of creating something new brought her small moments of joy, reasons for hope. Plus, being focused on getting the corners right and painting in even coats helped her forget the fact that her heart was breaking, even if it was only for a few hours a day. She looked haplessly out of the window. The birds outside were exceptionally chipper this morning. She looked out and spotted a red bird perched on the large branch outside. He seemed to be peering into her kitchen. He sat there as elegant as he could be, taking up all the space on the branch with his large tail feathers. He cocked his head to get a good look at her before flying away.

Jasmine slumped down in her chair to scroll on her phone while she ate when she heard a car pull up. She ignored it until she heard the car doors slam. She perked up and waited. The doorbell rang. It was her favorite cousin at the door..

“Liz!” Jasmine said. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

“We’ve got a surprise for you.”

“Who else is here?”

Jasmine saw her other favorite cousin step out of the car.

“Teddy?!”

She hadn’t seen Teddy in years. He was traveling the world, exploring some god-forsaken jungle. He loved being out in nature and hiking through some of the harshest and most dense jungles in South America. They had talked briefly while her dad was in the hospital. He lamented that he couldn’t be there for her, but he was here now! She started to run towards him when he opened the door to the back seat to let someone else out. It was her dad. He stepped out dressed in a suit. He stood tall and gaunt, almost unrecognizable.

“Look who we found,” said Teddy.

Jasmine stopped dead in her tracks. She spun around towards Liz.

“What’s he doing here?” Jasmine asked. That lump was back in her throat again. Jasmine looked back at her dad, petrified. Dad paused for a moment, taking in her reaction. He motioned Teddy over to talk for a bit.

“I’ll explain inside. Come on,” replied Liz.

“A stroke of luck, I guess.”

Jasmine sat at the table with Liz. She was stunned. “Liz, please help me understand. What’s Dad doing here? Why is Teddy here?”

“You just don’t know how loved you are,” Liz replied. “Your dad really was the one that got us together.”

Jasmine paused for a minute. “So, wait a minute, is Teddy…”

Liz shook her head. “He’s just visiting.”

“I don’t get it.”

“Look,” Liz started, “we’re here because you two need to talk. You need to figure out what you’re going to say to him.”

Jasmine sighed. “I don’t know what to say. Every time I try to talk lately, the words get stuck. It’s like my brain wants to say a million things, but my mouth won’t cooperate. The words just get in the way.”

Well, you have to have a conversation. Otherwise, he made this trip for nothing,” Liz said.

“Yeah, he’s waiting for you on the back patio, so, you gotta say something,” Teddy jumped in and sat down next to Liz. “He came a really long way to get here. Hell, all of us came a really long way to get here.”

Liz turned towards Jasmine and looked into her soul. “Jazzy, you’ve been given a rare opportunity.”

“I don’t know,” said Jasmine. “What if he’s angry with me? What if…”

“He’s not angry, Jazzy,” Liz replied. “He wouldn’t have come here if he was.”

“You gotta use this opportunity while you have it. Otherwise, things could go horribly wrong,” Teddy warned.

“How so?” Jasmine asked.

Teddy and Liz exchanged worried glances.

“He’s already been through the worst thing that could happen…” Jasmine started.

“That wasn’t the worst. And that’s not the end,” Teddy said.

“Look, Jazzy, we both know you need this time just as much as he does. So, for heaven’s sake, you gotta talk to him.”

“So why are you here, Teddy?” Jasmine turned towards him.

“Let’s take a walk,” he said. “What about Dad?”

“Are you ready to talk to him?” Teddy asked. Jasmine shook her head. “So come on, get some fresh air with me and Liz. It’s been a minute since the three of us have had a chance to talk,” he insisted.

Jasmine wandered through the woods enjoying the crisp morning. There was a slight breeze in the air that swayed the tree branches, coaxing the red and golden leaves to fall to the ground. The sky teased various hues of gray, with small patches of blue peeking through. The three of them walked through the woods in silence. The last time she visited her father in hospital, it was still warm, and the days were long, but now the leaves were starting to turn. The three of them talked and laughed and it was like old times. It was like being back to when everyone called them the three amigos; back to a time before they grew up and took separate paths. Before Liz got sick and Teddy ran off to the jungle. Jasmine thought back to when she last saw Liz. It was at the hospital, too. She seemed to be getting better, until suddenly she wasn’t. But she was here now and so was Teddy. Jasmine smiled. It was the first time in months. She tried to snatch off Teddy’s beanie, but he ducked and ran off, disappearing into the trees. Liz seemed content with feeling the morning breeze on her face. Jasmine left Liz and went after Teddy. She knew he would be difficult to find because he was more or less in his element. She picked up the pace and lightly jogged through the wind. She felt free. In this moment she wasn’t bogged down with handling expenses, making decisions, canceling insurance policies, closing bank accounts, notifying friends and family, or making funeral plans.

“Teddy! Teddy?” she called out. She suddenly felt all alone and slowed down to a walk, looking all around her. She rested against a tree when Teddy appeared out of nowhere swinging upside down from the tree branch next to her.

“Looking for me?” he laughed, startling her. He swung there for a bit before he jumped down.

“You scared the hell out of me!” she playfully punched him in the chest. He grabbed her wrists and couldn’t let go. They held hands for a moment.

“Can I ask you a question?” she asked.

“Anything.”

“Don’t you miss home?” He chuckled. “There are so many things I wish I could tell you. I’ve been through some shit. I’ve seen some serious shit. Some shit that will make you question everything you were ever taught about God. About religion or whatever they call it. It got to a point where I couldn’t sleep at night. You know what’s wild, though? One night, I went out for a ride. I was going so fast, and the world melted away. And that night, I was finally able to sleep. I had these wild, amazing dreams. More like memories. I dreamt about mom and dad, I dreamt about you, Liz, and me at the county fair as kids eating candied apples, my first kiss, my first motorcycle ride…I hate that we stopped talking, Jas and I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed me.”

“And I hate that I didn’t come out to see you that time. Please come home, baby bear. It’s time for you to wake up.”

“I wish it were that easy,” he smirked, rubbing his forehead. As he rubbed his head, he pushed up his beanie, revealing a deep gash on his forehead. He walked off. She watched him as he drifted away. Then she heard someone walking up behind her.

“He’s so damn stubborn,” Liz said. Jasmine nodded.

“I’ve told him he can’t stay. It would hurt too many people. But he’s struggling to forget something. It’s easier to just sleep.” Liz paused for a moment. “You figured out what you wanna say?”

“I think so. Can you walk me back?

“Yeah, we should go. We have to go before sundown.”

They walked through the woods together in silence. Jasmine gathered her thoughts as they approached the house. She had so many questions, but more than that, she was consumed by regret. Her heart was filled to brim with regrets—for things left unsaid and things that were said out of anger and frustration. She wasn’t sure how much time they would have together and didn’t want to waste it all spilling her heart out, but she desperately needed to get some things off her chest. They walked back to the front of the house.

“Go ahead. Tell him I’ll be waiting in the car.” Liz said.

Jasmine started to walk up the driveway, but then she turned around to look at Liz one last time.

“Lizzy, what’s it like being with the ancestors?”

She thought for a minute before she replied. “It’s like sitting down to Sunday dinner, everyday.”

Liz slipped into the driver’s seat of the car and Jasmine walked back up the walkway. Then she saw the majestic red bird again, sitting in the tree by the window. When the bird saw her, it flew around to the side of the house. She followed it to the backyard where Dad was sitting, waiting for her. She sat across from Dad as the big red bird flew away. They looked at each other for a bit before either of them spoke.

“I like what you’ve done with the place,” Dad said as he looked around the yard.

“It was time for a change.” They sat in silence for a bit.

“Did you enjoy seeing your cousins?”

Jasmine laughed. “Yeah. It was great to finally see them again.”

“I knew you would.”

“Yeah.”

More silence.

“It’s good to see you again, Dad.”

“I just had to see you again. I hate the way things ended.”

“I’m glad you came. I had so many things I wanted to tell you.”

“Me too.”

“I just can’t believe…”

“I know, me neither. I just… no, go ahead.”

“No, no, you go ahead.”

All this time, she had been so worried about what she would say, but she never thought that he could be struggling with what to say. She never thought he would have regrets, too, but the look on his face showed that he had left a lot of things unsaid as well. She had thought that this moment was for her, but maybe it was for him, too. They both needed to move on. She realized that they had literally wasted a lifetime with superficial conversations. Everyone had considered her a daddy’s girl, but the truth was that they knew very little about each other. How could she have been so blind to what he may have been feeling? How could they cram a lifetime of conversation into one afternoon?

“I just want to let you know that it’s ok. Everything is ok,” he said.

“I should’ve come by sooner or made the hospital run the tests sooner…”

Her eyes filled up with tears.

“It’s ok. Just let it go,” he said.

She sobbed for a minute. He wanted to reach out to her and comfort her, but things were different now. He couldn’t communicate with his loved ones the way he used to. This transition would take some getting used to. All those times he saw her cry herself to sleep at night or melt into tears at the slightest mention of his name made him feel so powerless knowing there was nothing he could do. He shuddered each time he saw her push well-meaning family and friends away. He remembered how when his own father died, how closed off and resentful he became. He wouldn’t let that happen to her.

“You remember that time we took those swimming lessons?” he asked. Her sobs turned into chuckles.

Think of a notable ancestor in your lineage. If you had the opportunity to spend 24 hours with them in the flesh, what would you say to them? Is there anywhere you would take them? If so, where and why?

“You were holding on for dear life,” she managed to say with a slight laugh.

“Yep, but not you. You were scared, but you kept pushing. Kept trying and bam! You were swimming.”

She wiped away her tears, remembering that day at the pool.

“I couldn’t believe it. You did great that day and I was so proud of you. You always swim through the rough times, and you’ll get through this,” he said.

“This is all new to me, too, but one thing I do know is that we’ll get through this together. And don’t worry. I’ll be around, admiring you as always.”

Jasmine couldn’t believe her ears. She never knew he admired her. She sat up a little straighter, wiping the tears away. The muscles in her neck and shoulders started to relax. They smiled at each other..

“You’re amazing, you know that, right?”

Dad was beaming now. He was at peace. He stood up and turned to walk away. Jasmine watched him disappear toward the front of the house. Then she heard the car start and pull off. She wanted to run to the driveway to wave goodbye, but she couldn’t bear saying goodbye to them again.