Born to Care

a monthly feature from Collat Jewish Family Services

The Journey Through Grief

By Caliegh Rathmell Alevy

My world changed in 2004, when I lost my dad to melanoma. Even though his death was not sudden, I was unprepared for the grief I experienced. I was fortunate to have a strong support system of family and friends, but I often felt alone in dealing with the overwhelming sadness and confusion caused by this loss.

My mother patiently listened and reminded me that grief counseling sessions could help. It was a panic attack that finally led me to take her suggestion seriously. Working through my emotions alongside a trained professional was the best decision I made in learning to navigate my new world.

Life changed again in 2007 when I lost my grandfather, and in 2008 when I lost my young friend, 14-year-old Sam Lapidus. Upon losing Sam, I gained a deeper appreciation for the saying, “yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift and that’s why we call it ‘the present’.”

My dad, my grandfather and Sam didn’t get to see how my world expanded when I married the love of my life, brought my four children into the world and earned my Master’s degree in Social Work, but with each new development, I’ve learned that my frequent thoughts of them are an opportunity to embrace and remember them in the present. What I experienced as painful and lonely grief in the early years after these losses is now a gift. I enjoy pausing during my busy days to link my memories of these loved ones with my life in the present.

If I’m with someone I feel comfortable with, I enjoy bringing my thoughts of a lost loved one into our time together. I’ve found it is more meaningful for me to normalize my grief aloud than to experience it alone. Speaking of my deceased loved ones does not feel like a weakness, and it is typically not painful; rather, it feels like a sign of strength when I express gratitude for the growth I have experienced and remember everyone who influenced the person I am today.

This spring, I co-coordinated a ‘Spousal Loss Grief Support Group’ sponsored by CJFS in partnership with Community Grief Support. Having personally benefitted from grief support services, I was honored to have the opportunity to be a part of this group. It also did not surprise me when many members of this group expressed interest in making themselves available to others experiencing grief.

CJFS and Community Grief Support will be offering another ‘Grief Support Group’ this fall. The group will meet from 1 to 2:30 p.m. on Wednesdays, from Sept. 6 to Nov. 8. All sessions will be held at the Levite Jewish Community Center. If you or someone you know is interested, please reach out to me at caleigh@cjfsbham.org

CJFS provides individual and group counseling for all ages, as well as periodic support groups for those experiencing serious illness, bereavement and challenging life transitions. CJFS services are confidential and may be covered by insurance. To learn more, visit https://cjfsbhamorg/our-mission/, email jfs@cjfsbham.org or call (205) 879-3438.

Alcoholism and addiction in the Jewish community

By Steven Cavalier

Alcoholism and addiction are not discussed much in the Jewish community. A study in 2015 reported that a large portion of North American Jews have a strong fear of alcoholics and blame individuals with addictions for their condition. A legacy of denial among Jews has resulted in pain, heartache and alienation from Judaism by those suffering from addiction.

This same study reported that 41.2 percent of North American Jews knew someone struggling with addiction, and 23.5 percent of respondents reported a family history of alcohol or drug abuse. However, as late as 1975, a survey from the New York area Jewish Federation to the NYC Rabbinate indicated not one rabbi out of 1000 respondents was aware of alcohol or substance abuse as a problem in the among Jews.

A look across many studies in the North America and the UK indicate a significant level of denial and under-reporting of substance abuse in the Jewish community.

Many Jews, even in the non-Orthodox denominations, know the Yiddish saying, “a shikkur is a goy,” – meaning one cannot be drunk and a Jew. Several reasons exist for the apparent denial of alcoholism and addiction. Jews have often desired to paint themselves as an unblemished community. Throughout history, Jews, persecuted by their neighbors, tried to avoid additional reasons for non-Jews to criticize them.

Medical writings in Germany and Russia during the late 19th and early 20th century described drug addiction as a social problem related to modernity, capitalism and Judaism. The Jewish response was often to repress and marginalize fellow Jews suffering from addiction. The myth that Jews do not suffer from addiction as much as other groups often leaves families and individuals feeling isolated and disconnected from friends, clergy, congregations and communities. Jews rarely turn to their rabbis to discuss alcoholism and addiction.

In the U.S., almost 97,000 people die from a drug overdose annually, and about 15 million people suffer from alcohol use disorder. If we believe that these problems are at least as common among Jews as in the general population, we lose 1,900 souls a year to addiction, and 300,000 fellow Jews suffer from an alcohol use disorder. Most experts feel the real numbers are significantly higher.

The Jewish values of “Pikuach haNefesh” (saving a life) and “Kol Yisrael aravim zeh bazeh” (all Jews are responsible for one another), inform us that as Jews we must do more. No one in our congregations and communities should feel isolated or alone, and certainly not “less Jewish,” because they suffer from addiction.

Where do we start? First, we need to openly recognize and acknowledge that alcoholism and addiction occur among our fellow Jews. These conditions are complex and not due to a lack of will power. In our congregations, schools, camps and youth groups, we should be educating about these conditions. We should be listening to our young people. Our rabbis, educators, family services, youth leaders and counsellors need to learn more about addiction risk, recognition, and treatment.

The treatment of addiction is complicated, multifaceted, and not simple or quick. Almost all authorities agree that a 12-Step program such as AA is an important part of an addict’s recovery and sobriety. Where do 12-Step meetings occur? Although they occur in many venues, they are almost always in churches. Many thousands of Jews know that these meetings are saving their lives. However, these Jews have no alternative to meeting in a church because very few Jewish affiliated sites rent space to 12-Step peer groups. What does this say to Jewish addicts?

Some Jewish addicts are reluctant to attend 12-Step meetings because of a misguided impression these are “Christian based” programs. They need not be, and usually are not. Twelve step recovery is a spiritual program not based in any particular religion. Most knowledgeable rabbis

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We are excited to welcome new residents and their families to Brookdale University Park.

When you arrive for a tour, you will be greeted by our friendly staff and residents. You will notice our walking paths, putting green and refreshing outside areas for you, your family and friends to enjoy.

Once you move in, you are free to come and go in the community as you wish, and visitors are always welcome! Including your 4-legged friends.

Our community is your local source for overcoming challenges that older adults face as well as providing an environment where friendships can cultivate and flourish.

Reach out to us today and learn how we can help connect your interests with those of like-age friends.

agree the 12-Steps are completely compatible with Jewish spirituality. Teshuva, renewal, so central to Judaism, is easily incorporated into recovery and sobriety. We need to create safe ways for Jews in recovery to participate in all our rituals and worship.

Finally, our leaders and institutions need to be aware of the many Jewish resources that are available for help in recovery, including many excellent books on Jewish spirituality in the recovery process.

Jews suffering from addiction, substance abuse and alcoholism are among the most vulnerable in our communities and we must be present, prepared and ready to support and help them.

Steven Cavalier, MD, is president of the Unified Jewish Congregation of Baton Rouge.

LJCC partners with VA for veteran memberships

The Levite Jewish Community Center has partnered with the Birmingham East Veterans Affairs Clinic so the Birmingham VA will have 50 memberships that they can distribute to veterans on an as-needed basis.

Discussions about the agreement started last year when an occupational therapy supervisor at the nearby clinic reached out to the LJCC, as they were in search of a pool to use for their new aquatics therapy program.

“As a partner with Veterans Affairs,” wrote Sarah Goodman, “The J can allow our trained and certified occupational therapists to provide aquatic therapy for our nation’s heroes seeking relief from the stress and pain associated with PTSD, as well as chronic injuries and physical pain.

“It would be wonderful if we could bring our veterans to The J for aquatic therapy.”

The idea resonated with LJCC Executive Director Brooke Bowles, who suggested taking the proposed partnership a step further. Instead of allowing the VA to bring patients just to use the pool for therapy, why not give them full memberships?

“We have so much going on here — from the Roz Feigelson Knitting Group to tai chi and the Sokol Fitness Floor to Mah Jongg and bridge games and our summertime Thursday Family Fun Night pool parties,” Bowles explained. “It simply makes sense for sufferers of post-traumatic stress to have full access to all that our welcoming community offers.

“We’re thrilled to embrace this new group,” she added.

Goodman is quite familiar with all that the LJCC has to offer, being a former camper, swim and dive team member, and lifeguard. In addition, she and her husband hosted three athletes during the 2017 JCC Maccabi Games, which was coordinated by the LJCC. “I know all about the wonderful activities and opportunities for inclusion that The J provides,” she wrote.