At a Glance
Like father, like son… both like winning. SLUH dads and lads watched a Blues victory last Saturday at Fathers Club event.
Counselor’s Corner
Feeling a bit of seasonal depression? The Counseling Department is here to explain why, and how to get out from under it.
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Smaller but still mighty! SLUH Scholar Bowl team schools Lutheran South and Rosati Kain, holding onto an impressive 5-0 record for the season.
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Avast! Francis Howell Knights smited by the chivalrous Jr. Bill soccer team in an astonishing win as they move into district finals Saturday at SLUH.
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sports
Swim & Dive
A tough nut to crack. Swim captures yet another MCC championship, as MCC opponents struggle to break the grasp SLUH has on the trophy.
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sports XC
Step by step, mile by mile, Jr. Bills marched down to Cape Girardeau and trampled the competition underfoot.
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BY Thomas Juergens and Xavier Heithaus Core Staff, reporter
The Asian Student Alliance (ASA) Club hosted its first ever Diwali celebration on Monday during AP in room 215C. Diwali, meaning “row of lights,” is a Hindu holiday celebrating the Festival of Lights. It celebrates the victory of light over darkness and good over evil. Diwali, although it is more popular in India, is celebrated by Hindu diaspora everywhere and also the religions of Sikhism and
Jainism.
The celebration was moderated by Spanish teacher Myriam Aliste and ASA modwerator Nhan Pham.
The event consisted of Indian games and food provided by the parents of senior Madhavan Anbukumar and his brother, freshman Guhan Anbukumar.
“So we’ve been thinking about this for the past month, but a lot of it just came together in this past week,” said Anbukumar. “I asked my mom if we could bring in some food, so we brought in some murukku, which is
a spicy snack. And then we brought some sweets, which is soan papdi. And then Mr. Pham asked us to bring in a carrom board.”
Carrom is a traditional Indian game played between four people. Each player sits on one side of the board and takes turns flicking a disk into other disks, which in turn land in pockets in each corner, similar to billiards.
There was also a three round trivia contest with a practice round, medium difficulty round, and a chalcontinued on page 4
BY Micah Doherty Editor in Chief
Manynewly-18 seniors at St. Louis U. High were able to vote for this first time in this year’s election. After months of hearing about the candidates, watching debates, and discussing policy issues in classrooms, many stepped into the voting booth for the first time, eager to exercise their civic right and make their voices heard.
“My first time voting was very exciting,” said senior Jack Reh. “I only waited in line for about an hour, but it was definitely worth the experience. It also was more exciting to watch the election as a whole. Usually I watch it and it’s just another Tuesday night for me, but this year I was much more engaged because I was a part of it, at the state and federal level.”
During their first voting experience, seniors encountered a wide range of waiting times, with some spending just a few minutes in line, while others waited for several hours before finally reaching the front.
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BY Lucas Hayden and Andrew Hunt News Editors
ThePrep News had the pleasure of talking this week to Franklin Rosario ’15, who had been featured
in St. Louis U. High’s 1540 list earlier this year for his work in the glass recycling business as the St. Louis Metro Program Manager of Ripple Glass. Ripple Glass is a glass recycling
BY Jens Istvan and Colton Eikermann
Core Staff, reporter
“It was calmer than I expected,” said senior Ronan Smith. “I thought continued on page 4 continued on page 4
St. Louis U. High Principal Fr. Matthew Stewart, S.J attended the Jesuit High School Leadership Group on Oct. 24 and 25, a virtual meeting of the principals, board chairs, and presidents of the 15 Jesuit middle and high schools in the central and southern United States. The group discussed topics such as how Jesuit high schools around the country are reacting to hurricane Milton, Jesuit evangelization, cura personalis, and responses to the 2024 election season. Presentations were given by several leaders of Jesuit schools around the country, as well as a province update from Ron Rebore. After each topic, the group broke up into breakout rooms to discuss individual reactions and experiences.
This opportunity allowed Stewart to brainstorm solutions to problems regarding the SLUH community, but it also served to highlight similarities in Jesuit schools around the country.
“It’s really great because we get to break out into groups, so all the Jesuit superiors talk to each other, all the board chairs, all the presidents, all the principals,” said Stewart. “You realize that the same issues facing us are being faced in Kansas City and Denver and Houston and Dallas and Tampa Bay and Miami and New Orleans.
Finding really high quality math and science teachers is hard everywhere. Finding substitute teachers is hard everywhere. People having anxiety about the election (happens) everywhere. So it’s really good to see that we’re a part of a much bigger thing, rather than (just) St. Louis.”
One of the primary issues the group discussed is that more students at Jesuit high schools now come from many other backgrounds other than Catholic grade schools, which have been struggling with issues of staffing and enrollment nationwide.
“We talked about the rising importance of catechesis in our schools. Twenty to 30 years ago, over 90 percent of SLUH students came from Catholic grade schools, and now we have 80 percent coming from Catholic grade schools, and about 20 percent coming from 40 different non-Catholic grade schools,” said Stewart. “The Catholic grade schools are facing their own challenges with staffing and things like that, so we are finding that kids don’t know as much about their Catholic faith even if they were raised Catholic, and we are having more kids who aren’t Catholic. So helping our students all be on the same page in terms of what Catholicism is and isn’t, and how to live it out, is important so that we can understand the foundations of who we are as a people and why we have
photo | Sean Cajigal
Students playing carrom during the celebration.
Rosario outside a bin.
photo | Courtesy of Franklin Rosario
Counselor’s Corner
Long winter nights can weigh on us
BY the School Counseling Staff
Is it “The Winter Blahs” or “SAD”?
This past Monday and Tuesday were dismal days for me. It was painful waking up in darkness, going through a school day, and then leaving SLUH with a scant hour of light before the sun set. To top it off, there was a whole day of rain … and then another whole day of rain. The traffic was terrible, and my anxieties surrounding the election were soaring. All of these things soured my mood.
For all of us, I imagine that one extra hour of sleep on Saturday was glorious—but that single hour of sleep also heralded the sadness that comes with earlier sunsets and more darkness. We mourn the loss of our beloved sunshine, brace ourselves against the coming cold, and yearn for a return to the long, lazy days of summer.
While it’s totally normal for us all to have some level of “winter blahs,” for some people the loss of sunlight can have a profound impact, even going so far as to create a condition known as Seasonal Affective Disorder, or “SAD.” What is Seasonal Affective Disorder?
According to the National Institute of Mental Health, “SAD is a type of depression that happens during a certain season of the year, most often fall and winter. Sometimes, these mood changes are more serious and can affect how a person feels, thinks, and behaves. It is estimated that millions of Americans experience SAD, although many may not know they
have this common disorder. In most cases, SAD begins in young adulthood.”
SAD is more common among women than it is among men, and it certainly is more prevalent for those who have a family history of depression or other psychiatric conditions. A way of thinking about SAD is to say that it has some of the signs and symptoms of typical depression – plus some additional features unique to SAD.
The classic symptoms of depression can include some of the following:
– Persistent sad, anxious, or “empty” mood most of the day, nearly every day, for at least 2 weeks
– Feelings of hopelessness or pessimism
– Feelings of irritability, frustration, or restlessness
– Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness
– Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities
– Decreased energy, fatigue, or feeling slowed down
– Difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions
– Changes in sleep or appetite or unplanned weight changes
– Physical aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems that do not have a clear physical cause and do not go away with treatment
– Thoughts of death or suicide or suicide attempts
For winter-pattern SAD, additional symptoms can include:
– Oversleeping (hypersomnia)
– Overeating, particularly with a craving for carbohydrates, leading to weight gain
– Social withdrawal (feeling like “hibernating”)
What Causes Seasonal Affective Disorder?
It’s not totally clear to researchers what causes SAD, but there are some theories.
1) It might be tied to a lack of vitamin D. As we all likely know, the sun’s rays facilitate the production of vitamin D—and they help boost our moods.
2) Some speculate that our circadian rhythms get thrown off in the fall/winter, and our body might alter its production of Melatonin— a sleep-related hormone.
3) Some researchers implicate a lowering of serotonin in the winter. Serotonin is one of the brain’s “happy chemicals.”
How is SAD treated?
For decades, folks who live in places like Alaska, Canada, and other northern countries have relied on “light therapy.” One can buy a “happy lamp” on Amazon that gives off UV-controlled light. Sessions of 30 minutes or so, usually in the morning, can boost mood. (If you buy one, please follow the directions!)
Certainly, boosting exercise yields the production of more mood-boosting chemicals.
Some folks benefit from antidepressant medication therapies.
Psychotherapy is frequently helpful—particularly CognitiveBehavioral therapy. Of all the modalities of treatment, Psychotherapy seems to provide the most long-lasting benefits.
Is SAD the same as the “Holiday Blues?”
No! Many people struggle at
some time or another over their Holidays. There are stresses that can come from taking exams, doing Christmas shopping, and visiting with family, but SAD is something very different. It is a form of depression—and as such, it calls for treatment.
When should I see a doctor?
According to the Mayo Clinic, “it’s normal to have some days when you feel down. But if you feel down for days at a time and you can’t get motivated to do activities you normally enjoy, see your health care provider. This is especially important if your sleep patterns and appetite have changed, you turn to alcohol for comfort or relaxation, or you feel hopeless or think about suicide.”
If you have experienced feelings of depression over 2 or more winters, it is definitely worth seeing your doctor about it. Doctors will often do a blood panel to make sure that your symptoms aren’t tied to something medical, like poor thyroid function. Some doctors feel more comfortable than others in dealing with SAD; the ones who are less comfortable might refer you to a specialist.
If you want to reach out for help, but don’t quite know how, please see your school counselor for assistance—we care about your welfare!
If you or someone you know is struggling or having thoughts of suicide, call or text the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org . In life-threatening situations, call 911.
Packed stands, Blues victory seals successful night at annual SLUH Father-Son hockey game
BY Hendrix Fyvie and Drew Sharamitaro reporters
NE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!
OMany St. Louis Blues fans are familiar with the count led by the renowned “Towel Man” who rallies the fans after the Blues score a goal in their home games. And thanks to the St. Louis U. High Fathers Club, Jr. Bills past and present got to join in on those chants at the annual Father-Son hockey game.
On Saturday, Nov. 2, SLUH students and their fathers gathered at Enterprise Center to watch the St. Louis Blues take on the Toronto Maple Leafs. The seats were scattered through two sections of the arena, so while not everyone was right next to each other, a sense of SLUH community was felt.
The game featured a couple of standing ovations, one for 2019 Stanley Cup Champion Tyler Bozak, who was at the game with his family, and perhaps more notably, the coach of that unforgettable season, Craig Berube, commonly known as “Chief” by Blues fans. During the first TV timeout of the first period, shouts of “Chief” and applause filled the arena as a tribute video was played.
“I thought that the tribute to Chief was a very unique experience. It was good to reminisce on 2019 and hear his Stanley Cup locker room speech again,” said junior
Andrew Wolf.
The spike in energy from the crowd was matched on the ice, as the physical showdown featured two fights and 40 minutes worth of penalties between the two hockey teams. Nevertheless, the old fashioned style of physicality came along with a high scoring affair, including two laser slap shots from Blues defenseman Colton Parayko. In the final minute of the back and forth game, Blues forward Pavel Buchnevich fired home an empty net goal to seal the 4-2 victory and send SLUH fathers and sons home happy.
The Father-Son Blues game is a part of a series of events that the SLUH Fathers Club puts on throughout the year; many students and their dads also participate in the bowling outing, the service opportunities at SLUH’s retreat center in Silex, the Father-Son Golf tournament, and the Father-Son Banquet that features a guest speaker. These events provide important opportunities for fathers and sons to spend time together.
“Just getting to sit with my dad, bonding and talking about a sport we both enjoy is super special to me,” said Wolf, who noted that the Blues are 3-0 in the Father-Son games that he’s attended.
“There’s something about St. Louis sports that brings everyone in our community together,” said senior Noah Butler. “This game was no different; as the game went on,
my dad and I felt like we were in our own little world, pointing out various players on the ice and offering our own commentary. That was an amazing feeling.”
These experiences are so valuable because most students will leave home within the span of a few years, and will have fewer op-
portunities to spend time with their parents.
“It’s important to me to create as many moments with my parents as possible before I depart for college,” said Butler. “I want to give them all the love I can before I’m not around to give it to them.”
BY Lincoln Shorley and Grant Skornia Core Staff, reporter
S
t. Louis U. High has had a key member of its community missing over the last month, as math teacher Beth Kissel has been recovering from cancer and is currently on her path back to school.
After learning of her cancer, Kissel took immediate action to get rid of it and recover as quickly as she could for herself and her students. After having surgery to remove the cancer, Kissel has since been home recovering, with a good prognosis.
While she’s out, her colleagues have taken over her two AP AB Calculus classes and her two Accelerated Algebra I classes. The colleagues stepping up are Dan Becvar and Joe Stickley for AP AB Calculus and Walker Yane and Fernando Alvear for Accelerated Algebra I.
“It’s added some extra work with a lot less time, but it’s for our colleague so any of the four subs taking over her classes are willing to make that sacrifice for her, and we are all praying for her,” said Becvar. Alvear, who is also a first-year teacher at SLUH, currently teaching freshman Algebra, has stepped up to take on one of Kissel’s Accelerated Algebra classes.
“Since this is my first year here, Mrs. Kissel helped me out getting used to SLUH and it is a great opportunity for me to help her out now to return the favor. I’ve had family members with cancer and many people have helped us out so it is nice to be able to help someone else with the same struggles,” said Alvear. “She makes it pretty easy, preparing everything before we come to class so we don’t have to do too much.”
Not only are students very appreciative of the subs for stepping up, but they’re also keeping prayers in their hearts for Kissel.
“I’m really happy a teacher in our community like Mr. Stickley took over for Mrs. Kissel, and I really hope that she can recover quickly and come back soon,” said junior Landon Ranson.
Kissel has felt the love that has been radiating down her path to recovery and it has allowed her to stay stressless throughout her recovery
“The SLUH administration and faculty have been very supportive,” Prep . “Prayers, meals, texts/emails and having some of my math office colleagues covering my classes have made my current journey much less stressful, easier to concentrate on healing and filled with gratitude
The strongest amount of love has come from the Math Department, as they are missing a key part
“We are so happy to hear that her surgery went well and that she is having a restful recovery. The math office is not the same without Mrs. Kissel,” said Math Department Chair Tracy Lyons. “We miss her caring spirit: for her classes, her students, and everyone in the Math Department, and we miss hearing her laugh at our bad jokes in the office.”
Prep News Volume 89: Platform
As the student-run newspaper of St. Louis U. High School, the Prep News is a publication that strives to inform the SLUH community about events and people, with its focus on those pertaining to the school, primarily through the written word.
The Prep News is neither the voice of the administration nor the students. Rather, the newspaper serves to gather and distribute information for the entire school. The Prep News editors and staff members make every effort to be objective in their news coverage and editing.
The members of the editorial staff are co-workers and share equally the duties of writing, copy-editing, layout, and staff management. All of the editors share responsibility and leadership of the paper. The editors are supported by a core staff of regular reporters as well as artists and photographers.
It is the role of the editors to seek
out and facilitate the reporting of all significant news at SLUH. While any faculty member or student is welcome to submit suggestions to the editors for potential articles, the Prep News is never obligated to publish any article idea.
Our primary emphasis as editors of the Prep News is upon clear and accurate writing and careful editing. We also attempt to include visual expression—photography, drawing, technical aids, etc.—in every issue and on our website. Despite our desire to make the paper visually appealing, we commit ourselves not to allow form to supersede substance.
The editorial staff will use social media to communicate with the paper’s readership and to update students about SLUH events and highlight the paper’s content. The editors will not allow their goal of speed and accessibility online to weaken their commitment to accuracy and depth.
The Prep News strongly encour-
Prep News Volume 89: Policy
T
he Prep News Volume 89 opin-
ion section serves the purpose of being the vehicle of the personal opinions of students, faculty, or other members of the St. Louis University High School community. All topics discussed in the section will be related to St. Louis University High School.
Nothing published either as an editorial, commentary, or letter to an editor should be considered the opinion of the school, the administration, or anyone other than its author or authors.
A Prep News editorial is the opinion of all seven editors on a particular topic.
A commentary or column is an opinion of one or more members of the Prep News staff, not of the Prep News itself.
A perspective or notebook,
like a commentary, is the opinion of one person, often a Prep News staff member.
Unlike a commentary, such a piece is often intended primarily to convey a personal experience rather than to provide a viewpoint on an issue. Unlike a letter, such pieces are usually developed at the request of, and sometimes under the guidance of, the Prep News editors.
Every member of the SLUH community is welcomed and encouraged to submit a letter to the editors. Every letter received by the editors will be read and given consideration. All letters must be signed, but the author’s name may be withheld from publication by request and at the discretion of the editors.
The Prep News editors reserve the right to edit any submissions for
ages underclassman involvement, and our office in the Media Center is always open for involvement, criticism, praise, or suggestions. Contributed student opinions are also welcome under the Prep News Editorial Policy. Without student reaction and feedback, the Prep News could not function.
If the Prep News is inaccurate, we will correct any significant error in the following issue and on our web site as soon as possible.
Furthermore, the editors assume sole responsibility for the text of news and sports articles, features, and editorials. We ask faculty or students who take issue with the manner in which the news was reported or find an error to bring it to the attention of the editors, not the individual reporters.
This is the platform of the editors of Volume 89 of the Prep News
publication in order to meet grammatical standards, but they will not skew the author’s original intent. Also, the editors reserve the right to withhold from publication any submission if it is deemed vulgar, tasteless, or otherwise inappropriate. Authors should be available for the editors to contact them before publication to address any matters of concern.
All authors wishing to have letters published must submit them by 4:00 p.m. the Wednesday before the letter is to be published.
Letters should be emailed to prepnews@sluh.org, and, if possible, a signed copy should be given to a Prep News editor or moderator or mailed to the Prep News courtesy of St. Louis University High School, 4970 Oakland, St. Louis, MO 63110.
Scholar Bowl finds success against Lutheran South, Rosati-Kain
BY Finn Rose and Owen Williams reporters
The St. Louis U. High Scholar Bowl team continued its regular season last week with a strong performance against Lutheran South and Rosati-Kain. The team is 5-0 thus far, despite having decreased in size since last season.
Scholar Bowl is an extracurricular offered at SLUH where students compete head to head in a Jeopardy-style trivia competition. Scholar Bowl requires an immense amount of knowledge, as the team can be asked questions in a variety of categories. In the fall, the Scholar Bowl team participates in the private school league, with matches every Tuesday.
Other than regular practices every Friday during Activity Period, students are mostly left to their own devices to prepare for their competitions.
“We try to make (the commitment) manageable,” said club moderator Teresa Corley. “Some schools make it a much bigger commitment.”
During the competition, the two teams each have four members, one of which is a team captain. Each person on the team generally has a specific area of expertise, leading them to answer questions that correspond to their
specialties.
“A good Scholar Bowl team has specialists in areas, because it’s almost impossible to be really, really good at everything,” said Corley.
Strategy is an important part of Scholar Bowl, and it plays a key part in SLUH’s success.
“It’s better to be a specialist than a generalist. I think you want to have a team with multiple specialists in different topics. You have to be able to have variety,” said sophomore Colin Reid.
In the Private School League, there are 20 tossup questions each worth ten points. If a team answers incorrectly, the other team can attempt to answer that question. There are also two bonus questions for each toss up asked to the team who answers the tossup correctly.
In addition to the regular Tuesday competitions, Scholar Bowl participates in two or three all day tournaments on Saturdays. These longer and more strenuous competitions help to prepare the team for the district competition in April.
Despite the Scholar Bowl team’s decrease in current participants since last year, the remaining members along with new freshmen have managed to prove themselves as worthy successors to those who graduated.
“We lost the entirety of our varsity team barring me when last year’s seniors graduated, so I was a bit worried going in,” said Varsity Scholar Bowl captain senior Mason Morris. “But that couldn’t have been further from the truth. The sophomores helping me out (this year) are some of the most brilliant guys (at SLUH), which helped us keep our now 5-0 winning streak during last week’s competition.”
One of SLUH’s matches last week ended in a tie against Lutheran South, leading to a final tiebreaker question.
“Everyone was on the edge of their seats,” said Reid.
For freshman team member Jack Williamson, participating in Scholar Bowl is a way to test his own, quite vast, academic knowledge.
“For me, Scholar Bowl is a way to measure my academic progress as well as prowess, but also a way to have fun,” said Williamson. “Even though our team is already talented, there is always room for improvement, and I am excited to see how we grow and where the rest of the season takes us.”
SLUH’s next competition is against Nerinx Hall and other teams on Tuesday, Nov. 12.
“It’s really very exciting. You wouldn’t think that, but it really is,” said Corley.
From the Archives
Commentary: After the election, be kind
Editor’s Note: As votes were cast for the 2020 presidential election, PN 85 Editor in Chief Carter Fortman wrote a commentary calling the SLUH community to respect each other’s dignity despite political differences. The following is the original commentary that was published in Prep News Volume 85, Issue 7.
BY Carter J. Fortman Editor in Chief emeritus
Ihatepolitics, but I also love them. They can be a great avenue for change, while also being detrimental to our national unity. Yesterday was the culmination of the 2020 Election Season. Many seniors and teachers alike took advantage of their democratic rights in what has been called by both sides “the most important election in US history.” Even though it may be days, even weeks, before the results are finalized, I call on everyone in the St. Louis U. High community, no matter what the result is, to transcend partisan politics and continue to build the Kingdom of God as a united front. In such a divisive environment like the present, it can be easy to forget the humanity inside those we disagree with. Every person
was made in the image and the likeness of God. Every person has an inherent dignity and an opinion that should be acknowledged. While we are different, in order for our community to thrive we must focus more on the similarities. It is inevitable that one side is going to end up unhappy with the results of the election. I call on the victors to remain humble and the losers to remain gracious. Brotherhood. That is what we are taught. That is what we experience in events like the Running of the Bills and Jr. Ring and in sports and the various extracurricular activities we participate in here at SLUH. Before we are Republicans or Democrats, let us first be Jr. Bills.
Above all, we must recognize that any change within our community is most effective at a local level. If the national election does not go your way, remember you have a supportive environment here at SLUH, and no matter what, in this microcosm everyone has the opportunity to set the world on fire. No matter what happens nationally, let us be dedicated to making SLUH the best it can be.
Stewart attends leadership confernce for Jesuit schools
(continued from page 3)
schools like this.”
A key aspect of Jesuit education is cura personalis, care for the whole person. Stewart spoke of how schools like SLUH take a well-rounded approach to education. An essential aspect of this is a personal relationship between the teacher and the student.
“The Jesuit way of evangelizing is through relationships,” said Stewart. “If you read the life of St. Ignatius, before he’s a Jesuit, he’s talking to people on street corners. He’s getting to know them. If you ever go to Manresa, the city where he lived for about a year while figuring out what to do with his life, you can see all around town these little shrines. And it was clear that he had a big impact on the people of the town.”
The ideal Jesuit relationship between student and teacher is not one where the teacher only talks and the student listens. The goal is to be in constant communica -
tion, where the educational and personal needs of the student are met by the teacher. In return, the student gives the teacher their attention and respect.
“When we think about Jesuit education today, almost 500 years after Ignatius, I can’t really teach you math, science, English, fine arts, Spanish, or anything without being in a relationship with you,” said Stewart, “I think that’s really a hallmark of what it is to be a Jesuit school.”
“Think about your teachers: how they want to get to know you as a person, and they come and support you in activities that you do. You’re not just a kid who they have to teach English to, you’re a person with a rich interior life that we care about. I think that’s really the root of what we call cura personalis, that fundamentally being in a relationship with somebody comes first.”
ASA Celebrates Light Over Darkness in First Ever Diwali Celebration
(continued from page 1)
lenging round. The winner of the medium round was Guhan Anbukumar and the winner of the challenging round was senior Aiden Erard.
The event was mostly attended by members of the Asian Student Alliance and One World Club with some others in the mix adding up to about 25 students.
“We were really pleased because
Class of 2025 elevates their voices at the ballot box
(continued from page 1)
it would be very hectic but I voted with my mom and we only had to wait around 15 minutes in line.”
“I voted on Saturday, and I waited in line for two and half hours at the Kirkwood library,” said senior Nick Bendaña. “Despite the long wait, I still had a positive experience.”
After having their IDs authenticated and their ballots printed, new voters were applauded by poll workers for exercising their privileges as firsttime voters.
“The most surprising part of the experience was that they clapped and cheered when they found out I was a first time voter,” said senior Patrick Jones. “Really cool moment for me.”
After having their ballot signed by both a Republican and a Democrat to confirm its authenticity, voters proceeded to their individual booths to cast their votes. Using a black pen, they filled in the blank rectangles next to their preferred candidates, amendments, and judges.
“Honestly, the most unexpected part was how long the ballot was,” said Reh. “There were so many different things to vote for, and it took me ten minutes to fill out the whole ticket.”
When it came to voting, seniors expressed a deep sense of pride and responsibility in exercising their right to vote, viewing it as a powerful way to emphasize the freedoms and democratic values they cherish as citizens of the United States.
“Honestly, it did not feel like I had a choice to vote or not. Not as if my parents forced me to, but because it is my civic duty,” said senior Alex Bendaña. “I also acknowledge the fact that the right to vote is a significant privilege that many people in countries around the world don’t have. I even found it odd how frequently adults asked me if I was going to vote. I would often respond with ‘Of course! I am obligated to, am
it was our first Diwali event,” said Aliste. “We were happy for our students who are Indian or of Indian descent. Madhavan is very proud of his heritage, so he brought some games and things that the kids were really eager to participate in.”
Since it was a good turn out for being the first Diwali celebration, ASA hopes to make it an even bigger event next year. Their goal is to try to educate the SLUH community on a holiday celebrated by some of our own that many students don’t know about.
“We plan on doing this next year and making it bigger and brighter. Señora Aliste said she’s going to work with my little brother and some of the juniors next year so that they can get more people involved, making flyers and that kind of thing to get the whole school involved instead of a small part,” said Madhavan Anbukumar. “But it was a great start to something that will be great.”
“We’re hoping to actually reach out to the Hindu community here in St Louis, and maybe invite them to actually have a celebration on campus,” said Pham. “So they would actually celebrate what they typically do, but on campus, so that we could join them and see what they do.”
Having the Hindu community on campus would help make the celebration as authentic as possible and bring more information about Diwali. This year’s Diwali celebration is just one of many ways that
SLUH celebrates other cultures, and the celebration will only continue to improve with years to come.
“I think it’s a great thing that the school loves celebrating other cultures, no matter who or what they are,” said Madhavan Anbukumar.
Rosario ’15 works with Ripple Glass, saving the world one bottle at a time
I not?’ I understand that everyone’s schedule is so demanding, but now with the opportunity to vote early, there is truly no excuse not to participate.”
“The best part of voting was being a part of the political process and casting my vote for candidates and ballot initiatives that I supported,” said senior Jacob Nolan. “I’ve always been involved in politics, whether it be MOYAG, volunteering for elections, door knocking for state senators, or reading up on current events, so I always planned to vote this election and I believe that it is important to vote, otherwise nothing will change and the things that you complain about will never get better.”
“I felt like a good American after I voted,” said Smith. “I fulfilled my duty to my country.”
Seniors also demonstrated their inspiration that voting helped to encourage their opinions and values in government with their votes.
“I decided to vote in this election, not just because of my strong feelings about one of the presidential candidates and a few amendments, but also because of the millions of people who died for my right to be here. Even if I didn’t like a single thing on the ballot, I would still feel that it is my right to vote,” said Reh.
“Voting is essential to the very fabric of our country,” said Jones. “As a constitutional republic, it is a must that the citizens are involved in the election of our leaders. Voting is also the best chance for the American people to voice their opinions and let the government know what they really think.”
“I believe it is important to vote because it reflects your voice,” said Bendaña. “Especially during election years such as this, I do not believe there is anyone who isn’t indifferent to at least one issue on the ballot. Forget about the presidential election; there are numerous other issues on the ballot, and anyone who voted this year is aware of this.”
(continued from page 1)
company dedicated to recycling some of the millions of tons of glass that go into landfills annually and take millions of years to decompose. It has placed over a hundred huge, purple metal containers around the Kansas City area since its founding in 2009, and has since expanded to new cities. Residents can deposit glass in these containers, which is then regularly collected and processed at Ripple Glass recycling plants, from where it is sent to other companies to be repurposed into various products like fiberglass insulation or more bottles, with an overall 98 percent recovery rate.
“What we bring in, we can recycle and reuse almost 100 percent of it rather than any of it going to the landfill,” said Rosario. “That’s our mission. That’s why I think this stuff is important, because without us and without alternative recycling streams and options, a tremendous amount more of material would be ending up in landfills.”
The company has saved over one billion glass bottles from landfills since its founding in 2009. Ripple Glass is particularly helpful in states like Kansas and Iowa, which unlike Missouri, have removed glass from their single-stream recycling.
As a member of SLUH’s swim and water polo teams as a student, Rosario certainly knew his way around the pool, but it was SLUH’s attitude and attentiveness towards caring for our planet that built in him an initial interest in the topic of recycling.
“SLUH as an organization has always had an eye for sustainability and promoted a culture around it,” said Rosario. “You learn about things that you might not learn in other places… it implanted some things in me that developed later in life.”
He realized environmentalism was a viable career path after he found his way to an internship at Ripple Glass.
“A good friend of mine … went to work for them full time. At that point—it was the summer after my junior year (at Truman State)—he reached out, knowing that I had an interest in this stuff, and asked if I wanted to intern for the summer. So, I did, and I spent the summer of 2018 in Kansas City, working with various different programs they have there, learning a lot, and then eventually making my way back to Ripple after I graduated,” said Rosario.
During his Kansas City internship, Rosario helped work through logistics while learning even more about the business, management, and planning of it all.
“As I look back on it, it was very, very important for my development, because it’s what I’m mostly doing here now in St. Louis,” said Rosario.
As Ripple Glass continued to expand throughout Kansas City, management turned their eyes to other cities they could extend their arms to. St. Louis was a prime choice, and after working at Graybar for two and a half years, Rosario was able to return to Ripple Glass to man the helm of this new frontier in January 2022.
“I was born and raised in St. Louis, and I think I was very unique in the sense that I also knew the glass recycling business,” said Rosario.
“A lot of people probably wouldn’t have those two big, important things which you really need when you’re rolling out a program like this. You need the local knowledge, the knowledge of the ins and outs of how communities work, different demographics, and areas, and little quirks about St. Louis we all know to be true. So I had that, and I also obviously had the experience with
Ripple, knowing how it internally functions. It was a pretty easy fit.”
On the day to day, Rosario’s job currently consists of tackling logistics. He has implemented five bins around the St. Louis region thus far, the latest just opened a month ago in Wentzville.
“Right now, it’s mainly planning logistics around our bins, the bins that we have on the ground, making sure those are clean and well kept, and managing logistics around them, getting them picked up, moved around when they need to be, when they’re full, and also recruiting new places. We have more bins that we want to put down around the area, and to do that, it’s kind of on me to be constantly recruiting new places to host our bins,” said Rosario.
Rosario’s goal for St. Louis, at the moment, is to have 75 glass recycling bins throughout St. Louis. Ripple recently reached the milestone of recycling a billion pounds of glass in 15 years, which is monumental, and the thorough expansion of bins in St. Louis would only further propel recycling rates.
All in all, though, it has been passion that has driven Rosario through his career in glass recycling since graduating SLUH less than ten years ago.
“When you’re graduating SLUH and you’re a senior, you do not need to have any certainty or idea of what you want to do. I sure didn’t,” said Rosario. “And as you learn and grow, as you become more of a true adult through college or whatever you do after high school, you’re going to find that passion and just let it come if you want to. If that happens to be in environmental work, like I am, that’s great. If it’s somewhere else, do that. Do what makes you happy and what gives you passion to go to work every day.”
Neil O’Conner plays carrom. photo | Sean Cajigal
Students playing Kahoot during the event. photo | Sean Cajigal
The Diwali Kahoot.
photo | Sean Cajigal
Students loading up on food.
photo | Sean Cajigal
SPORTS
Playoff Performers
XC heads to state, soccer and football advance to district final and semifinal
Soccer
BY Aiden Erard and Andrew Chalmers Sports Editor, reporter
The St. Louis U. High soccer team started its district run this past week as the top seed, strongarming the No. 8 seed Hazelwood Central Hawks before breezing by No. 4 seed Francis Howell North Knights with ease.
Hazelwood Central
After ending their regular season, the Jr. Bills soccer team took to the pitch last Saturday
tral 8-0. Coming into the game, the Jr. Bills knew their opponent would not be as strong as their usual competition.
“One of the goals was to develop good habits for upcoming games”, said junior Carson Hall. “I feel as if we accomplished that.”
The half started and the Jr. Bills were constantly on the ball. Ten minutes into the game, sophomore Gabe Khazen found the ball off a goal line cross and gently tapped it across the line for the first goal. Ten minutes later, sophomore
Cross Country Football
BY Otto Reitenbach and Tristan Kujawa Core Staff, Staff
The St. Louis U. High Cross Country program turned in a dominant performance last Saturday, winning the Class 5, District
with sophomore Ben Yoffie right on his tail. The entire SLUH scoring pack came through one mile in under five minutes, a blazing hot pace to open the day. This pack continued to push throughout the race, attempting to break the rest
BY Theo Agniel and Daniel Neuner Sports Editor, Core Staff
Nota single drop of sweat was spent last Friday night for the St. Louis U. High football team. The Jr. Bills (6-4) sauntered past the Hazelwood Central Hawks with a defiant 35-0 win in the first round of districts, led by junior Zach Allen’s three touchdown game and junior Jordan Taylor’s reaching 1,000 rushing yards on the season.
Junior Keenan Harris wasted no time introducing Hazelwood Central to SLUH’s biggest asset
back struggled greatly against the Jr. Bills, as Hazelwood was forced to punt after three and out.
SLUH’s offense sliced through the Hawks defense in the same way. Junior Jordan Taylor found many gaps through the defense, before turning the weight of the offense over to junior quarterback Kyren Eleby, who launched a ball deep to junior Zach Allen for SLUH’s first touchdown of the night.
“What’s nice about Kyren and Zach is that they’re juniors. There’s time for them to continue to develop,” said head coach Adam Cruz. “It’s been a
Talleur placed 5th in 15:43 to round out a dominant top pack, which was instrumental towards a Jr. Bills victory.
Yoffie’s eighth place finish (16:20), in concert with Ahlheim’s 13th place (16:32), sealed the race for SLUH with a team score of
continued on page 6 continued on page 7
“We always try to set the tone as a defense. For me to come out on the first play and have a huge impact on the game like that got all of our energy up and got us ready to go,” said Harris.
The Hawks’ backup quarter-
After the Jr. Bills touchdown, and in almost identical fashion to the first two possessions of the
and out, and
game, Hazelwood went three
Eleby found Allen for a 28-yard touchdown that put
photo | Jack Auer
Junior James Barry carries the ball down the sideline.
Varsity at the start of the District race.
photo | Courtesy of SLUH XC
Junior Jordan Taylor fights off a Hazelwood Central defender. photo | Jack Auer
photos | Left and Right: Jack Auer. Center: Courtesy of SLUH XC.
(Left) Senior John Hasemeier puts a cross into the box. (Center) Senior Gus Talleur points to the sky as he crosses the finish line. (Right) Junior Zach Allen after one of his three touchdowns.
Swim captures multiple podium finishes against Chaminade
BY Brendan Hunt and Henry Hassenstab reporters
The St. Louis U. High Varsity
Swim and Dive team made a splash at the Metro Catholic Conference this weekend, running away with 464 points, well ahead of second place Chaminade’s 327. This meet was the penultimate challenge on the road to state, and now the Jr. Bills look forward to drowning their five-year championship drought against their rival from across the state, Rockhurst.
Along with the Metro Catholic Conference meet, some varsity swimmers competed in the MICDS invite.
For some of the Jr. Bills at MICDS, this meet would sadly be their last of the season due to their racing times not qualifying for state. The meet, set in perhaps the highest quality pool in the St. Louis area, was a chance for the boys to prove themselves. They had been tapering the whole week before, meaning that the practices were much easier in order to conserve energy for the meet. Also, some of the swimmers wore tech suits for the first time, which are meant to shave off a few seconds thanks to
records. Their times greatly im proved, with senior Derek Nester getting first place in his event, dropping 7.71 seconds off of his 500 fly. Sophomore Will Vieth dropped 2.06 seconds off of his 100 backstroke and junior Max Boev ingloh dropped 1.24 seconds off of his 100 breaststroke. Although the Jr. Bills couldn’t win this meet due to a lack of swimmers competing, they still performed well and their work over the course of the season paid off.
For the Metro Catholic Confer ence (MCC) meet, the team came into the Center of Clayton pool last Saturday ready for action, as the boys had just had a short and easy practice the day before to rest for the meet. The air was buzzing, as there were times to be dropped, along with a trophy to win. The Jr. Bills have won the Conferences so many times that it might as well be a permanent installation in the Field House trophy case, and they had no intentions of letting it go.
the year gave us that opportunity.”
The meet kicked off with the 200 medley relay, where the team smartly decided not to go for gold, but instead rest their swimmers for finals the next day, taking second to Chaminade.
“Swimming an important two
After the race concluded, SLUH looked on at individual events, where junior Connor Dunker stood out with a blazing 1.42.24, a season best in the 200 freestyle, and crushed all other competition.
“I was pretty fired up,” said Dunker. “I think that it sets a good example for where I should be aim-
As Sunday ended, the Jr. Bills concluded a long week with absolute domination of the conference championships, taking first in the medley relay. Dunker won the 200 and 500 free, and sophomore Drew Hopkins won both the 100 butterfly and backstroke.
The meet ended with the 400 free relay, where the Jr. Bills
The festivities concluded with the Jr. Bills hoisting the trophy, but in a rough turn of events, junior Nick Zimmerman dropped it, and a piece broke off on impact. Other than the defilement of the trophy, SLUH celebrated a clean victory in the lead up to state.
“I think that we should be proud of how we performed,” said
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the game tied 1-1. Following the Knights goal, the last night because it’s something I’ve tried to focus on lately. I’m gonna try
graphic |
SLUH Athletics
(continued from page 5)
Gus ran closer to our one to two than he has. You know, our one to five gap was still about 50 seconds, which is kind of consistent with
the highest honors at the district meet. Yoffie and Ahlheim took home Second Team All-District honors. All of them, along with this week.”
Today, the Jr. Bills will compete at the state meet at the Gans Creek Cross Country Course in Colum -
Luna running state as sophomores. That’s a huge opportunity that they need to take advantage of.”
In addition to the course’s
speed, competition will be top notch, with Jesuit rival Rockhurst and Columbia’s own Rock Bridge looking to contend with the Jr.
“It doesn’t matter what they do, because we have no impact on what they do,” said Porter. “What we can control is how we race. And so we’re going to focus on our gaps and our style of racing. And if we do that, then we should have a good day. If someone picks us up because they had a better day then so be it.”
Rifle finds stride at Nationals over the summer, gears for 24-25 season
BY Griffin Grabowski reporter
With the new rifle season here, the shooters are ready to pick up where they left off and aim for higher scores for the season in order to go back to Nationals with more experience. Although the season has just started, freshmen through seniors are still allowed to join the team. There are many matches that take place not only in Missouri but in Nashville and Ohio as well.
St. Louis U. High’s rifle team made it all the way to Nationals over the summer and had an amazing performance to boot. When everyone had entered the kneeling position there was worry about their scores. Sweat was already running down the heads of everyone and
their hearts were already racing with nervousness. But on the first day of shooting the team already put in impressive numbers in all three positions.
“All I was thinking about was beating my old record and beating the person who was next to me,” said junior Clayton Garrozzo.
Even with all the pressur,e the spirits were still high and were made even higher when eight out of the 14 team members scored above a 190, with Cyrus Ranek taking the lead with a 197 at the end of the position.
“Kneeling was about average for me but I’m happy with my progress back to my average score from my knee injury, and the team is ready for this next season with high hopes and a record breaking group of shooters,” senior Jacob Litzler said.
Prone was second and everyone’s hearts raced a little less than before with their newfound steadiness, which proved to be invaluable as Alex Eckert ’24, Daniel Steingruby ’24, and Cyrus Ranek shot a perfect 200. The excitement was followed closely behind with Garozzo, Litzler, Jozsef Biro and Colin Dickinson all scoring a near perfect 198.
Everyone’s excitement was bigger than the start of the match but their happiness was overshadowed by the last and hardest position. Each shooter braced for the standing position. With the last 20 targets Eckert, Steingruby, Litzler, and Joey Cuneo bagged 758 points, just ahead of Ranek, Dickinson, Teddy Guidry ’24 and Liam Miller, who combined for 738. The team was happy but were eager to gain more points.
When day two came and went the team was left satisfied. Kneeling was much the same as the day before with Eckert, Steingruby, Rankek, Cuneo, Liztler, Miller and Nathaniel Shaw all shooting at or just above 190.
“I was upset with how I did personally, but it was amazing to see so much of the team succeed and reach new personal bests,” Cyrus said of his performance on day two compared to day one.
Prone, just like kneeling, played out in much the same way as day one with shooter scores only differing by three to five points. Only Eckert and Ranek had 200, with Steingruby and Liztler only one point behind. Everyone else easily got into the 190’s with only one person tailing with a 187.
Fantasy Football Week 10: Starts and Sits
BY Matteo Abbate and Neil O’Connor Staff, reporter
N ow with over half the season underway, and the fantasy playoffs right around the corner, we have some names to help you win this week’s matchup.
(15.8% start) Taysom Hill, Saints, TE/QB: START. The Saints this year have been riddled with injuries from Shaheed, to Carr here and there, and now Olave. That’s why I strongly advocate that you start Hill or pick him up off waivers ASAP. Fantasy managers want players who are on the field and touch the ball as much as possible. Hill is a Swiss Army knife. He can line up as a tight end, sometimes as a wide receiver, and can even fill in as a quarterback. With many weapons out on this offense, Hill
will become a noticeable threat for the rest of the season.
(59.6% start) Sam LaPorta, Lions, TE: SIT. The issue with Sam LaPorta has nothing to do with him, rather, the team he plays for. The Lions extremely efficient ground and pound running game makes it really hard to want to throw it. However, even when Goff throws the ball, LaPorta is rarely targeted. In the past four weeks, LaPorta has been targeted 12 times. As a fantasy manager, three targets per game on average is not going to get it done, especially against a tough Texans defense.
(25.6% start) Rico Dowdle, Cowboys, QB: START. With the Cowboys’ year hanging in the balance, Dowdle will have to come up big to help out backup QB Cooper Rush. While his rushing abilities are de -
cent, as exemplified through his Week 9 performance for 75 yards on 12 attempts, he will be more prominent in the receiving game this week against a tough Eagles defense. In Week 9, he caught five passes for 32 yards and a touchdown. This means you should expect a lot of quick check downs to Dowdle and other receivers for the Cowboys as they try to get Cooper Rush to settle in.
(39.0% start) Brian Thomas Jr, Jaguars, WR: SIT. Brian Thomas’ lack of production this week will be due to the loss of Trevor Lawrance. The Jaguars will have Mac Jones fill in as QB and they also traded away their OT Cam Robinson before the trade deadline. While the Vikings struggle against the pass, this will not be the case this week. I foresee a blowout win for the Vikings and Mac Jones
struggling throughout the whole game.
(15.7% start) Quentin Johnston, Chargers, WR: START. The second year wideout exploded for 118 receiving yards on 4 receptions and a TD this past week against the Browns. A tough Titans secondary will be ineffective with both Ladd McConkey and Johnston running routes. Also, QB Justin Herbert has been very active in the passing game this season, and when combined with a good running game, defenses are left guessing which leads to a much better attack.
When it finally came to stand everyone was both nervous that they might not get a good score and eager to blow it out of the water.
“On the second day, I knew I had to do well, but at the same time I felt pretty calm. And at the end of the position, I was pretty surprised with my score, but happy,” commented Miller.
When the last shots came in for stand everybody was stunned to see that not only had Dickinson beaten his all time record but had beaten all the upperclassmen to take the stunning record of 584.
“It was a thrilling match, I cannot be more proud of how the boys did. I don’t think we’ve ever had so many new personal bests shot in one match,” said varsity coach Will Bresnahan.
Week 9 Recap: Here are the Week 9 picks and how they panned out! (17.72 points) Bo Nix, Broncos, QB: START.
(3.4 points) Marvin Harrison Jr, Cardinals, WR: SIT. (19.5 points) Cedric Tillman, Browns, WR: START.
(DNP) Amari Cooper, Bills, WR: SIT.
(12.0 points) Josh Downs, Colts, WR: START.
(7.6 points) Tucker Kraft, Packers, TE: SIT.
(46.7% start) Rachaad White, Buccaneers, RB: SIT. White had just 3 carries for 19 yards with a TD against the Chiefs this past week. RB2 Bucky Irving has been getting a chunk of White’s carries, really affecting his productivity. This week’s matchup against the Niners, who have allowed the fifth-fewest rushing yards per game and 3.7 yards per carry, will be tough for White to overcome— especially with the expectation of a more dominant Niners offense with the return of Christian McCaffrey that should keep the ball out of the Bucs hands.
The varsity team after the hard-earned District Championship. photo | Courtesy of XC
LUCAS BDAY NEXT WEEK
We Built This City
ACROSS
1. *NASA Mission Control
8. *Oddsmakers
13. Plot together
14. Like 48-Down
15. *U.S. Naval Academy
16. “Oh, give me _____, where the buffalo roam ...”
17. Ghost’s cry
18. Source of 53-Down
19. Stark daughter in 56-Across
20. Other, in Oaxaca
22. Roman garment
25. _____ bloom: pond buildup
26. Rod attachment
27. *U.S. Military Academy
29. Redundant African fly
32. Film-rating org. (1945-2019)
33. Sports dept.
34. Friend in battle
36. Thin
38. With 61-Down, prepended title for the duet “The Time of My Life”
41. White whale hunter
43. Hannick and Hinders
47. *Country music industry
50. Flying pest
51. Suisse range
52. Lambert postings
54. Conditional phrase
55. Happy _____
56. HBO series set in Westeros (abbr.)
Prep News Credits
Editor in Chief
Micah “Leslie Knope” Doherty
News Editors
Andrew “Spoocas Hayden” Hunt
Lucas “the Corde President” Hayden
Sports Editors
Theo “Sean” Agniel
Aiden “Mason Lauber” Erard
Features Editor
Leo “Chairman Mao” Hahn
Visual Editor
Jesse “the Goliath bird-eating tarantula” Heater
Core Staff
Jens “The Bull-Moose party” Istvan
Thomas “Doc Koestner” Juergens
Otto “President Goldkamp” Reitenbach
Kane “Christ is King” Luchun
Patrick “The muffin man” Byrne
Daniel “N/A” Neuner
Jacob “my dragonflys” Fitzpatrick
Lincoln “Honest Abe” Shorley
Staff Artists
Colin “Tory Taylor” Schuler
Staff
Matteo “Roger Goodell” Abbate
Max “Mr. Collins” Marnatti
Tristan “Kipchoge” Kujawa
Gavin “Connor McDavid” Simon Madhavan “Elmo” Anbukumar
Reporters
Brendan “my inspiring older brother” Hunt
Andrew “Chris Kratt” Chalmers
Hendrix “Coach Porter” Fyvie
Henry “Emmet from the Lego Movie” Hassenstab
Xavier “Xavier Heithaus” Heithaus
Neil “Ilona Maher” O’Conner
Finn “ChatGPT” Rose
Drew “the Kool-Aid Man” Sharamitaro
Drew “3 weasels in an overcoat”
Skornia
Andrew “my beautiful guitar” Vander Pluym
Owen “any ginger” Williams
Photographers
Kathy “Dimitri Mendeleev” Chott
Jack “@jackauerphoto” Auer
Clark “Mr. Z” Davis
Sean “Jens” Cajigal
Moderator
Steve “Orr” Missey
58. P for Pythagoras
59. First name that becomes another with a D in front
61. *Movie industry
64. Scrub, as a pot
65. Ten lords _____
66. *Civil rights marches
67. *Automotive industry
DOWN
1. Award winner
2. Livin’ _____ Prayer
3. Snail-mail org.
4. One arm in “I’m a Little Teapot”
5. Thus far, informally
6. “He goes, _____ go!”
7. Game console that preceded 63Down
8. By way of
9. Surround with a saintly aura
10. The Peach State
11. Soldier with six legs
12. Tech feature of the F-117 and B-2
13. Big bills
15. Scrub, as a mission
21. “High” Utah ski resort
23. Bit of treasure
24. Egyptian serpents
25. Weak poker hand
28. Soft mineral
30. Some Eastern Europeans
31. K through 12 (abbr.)
35. Ivy League school
37. “We Three Kings”
38. Disordered
39. Outermost electrons
40. Spanish for Spanish
42. Sandwich acronym
44. Leading
45. Not a green vehicle
46. Rose from a seat
48. Element with two protons
49. Bald baby bird
53. Type of green energy
57. Mistake like tihs
60. Mexican Mrs.
61. [see 38-Across]
62. Fútbol cheer
63. Game console that followed 7-Down
Last Week’s Answers
X-Word Winner Congrats to sophomore Ethan Isaac on completing last week’s crossword puzzle! As per the new rules, Ethan will recieve a $15 gift card to this week’s PN dinner choice: Noodles & Co. Find a PN editor in the Media Center during AP or Studium to claim your prize!
Satire
PN investigates field closure
BY Leo Hahn and Jens Istvan Features Editor, Core Staff
Gotouch grass! Oh wait—you can’t. The Belle Field, just west of the Danis Field House, has closed due to renovations, causing major turmoil within the St. Louis U. High community. Speculation has run rampant from classroom to classroom, and nobody from unsuspecting freshmen to thirdfloor executives seems to have any idea what is being built (except for the brilliant reporters Lucas Hayden and Andrew Vander Pluym, who wrote about it for publication to the whole school on the front page of last week’s paper). Prep News investigates this developing story.
Whenever a student asks why nothing can be built on the Belle Field, the answer is always the same: “There’s a sinkhole right below it.” However, recent seismographs conducted entirely independently of the Prep News have revealed a shockingly stable foundation … suspiciously stable.
“Since the field is closed, the guys will have to find new places to, uhh, look at grass,” said Assistant Principal for Student Life Brock Kesterson. “Or whatever they do during free periods.”
Rumors have started to circulate that the space will be used for a revolutionary new SLUH Recreational Complex for Athletic Pursuits Only (the athletic-complex version of studium), complete with an Olympic size swim-
ming pool and underground pickleball courts. This theory, however, has its skeptics.
“The racquetball courts are absolutely unreasonable,” said senior Mason Morris. “The pool sounds cool, but there’s absolutely zero chance those racquetball courts happen.”
One of the more popular theories is that the field will be turned into an extended turnaround, with an extra 1500 square feet of asphalt for maximally efficient student pickup and drop off. Designed by mathematics teacher and Director of Financial Aid Craig Hannick, the turnaround layout is optimized so that any movement of motor vehicles or people should take a maximum of 12.036 seconds (obviously accounting for drag force).
“The system uses the Hannick theorem to calculate every possible traffic outcome,” said Hannick. “It creates a simulation of the situation that will cause the most chaos and then takes the inverse of that. It’s really just simple math.”
After meager amounts of blackmail and bribery, our intrepid Prep News correspondents have uncovered additional secret blueprints for a six-story parking garage. Located at the end of the proposed extended turnaround, the concrete behemoth would block out all sunlight to the Si Commons during the winter months.
“The sun hurts my eyes … owie
zowie!” said junior Chris Carson, as he started hissing and visibly smoking.
The more environmentally minded students are also concerned with the amount of smog created by this proposed parking plan. This year alone, sophomores leaving their cars running has accounted for more than half of SLUH’s carbon emissions. You know who you are …
No sports team has been more affected by the Belle Field closure than SLUH’s beleaguered Ultimate Frisbee team, whose chances at making state finals are looking grim without a dedicated practice space.
“The field closure is detrimental to our fitness,” said senior Ultimate Frisbee captain Theo Agniel. “How are all eight of us supposed to fit on the upper field? They just want us to lose State this year.” Whatever takes the place on the Belle Field is sure to raise controversy, outrage, and create a downright hullabaloo. Tensions will be high at the turnaround; as a result, counselor Walter Kempf has made the executive decision to stop letting Serena greet students at the turnaround as a precautionary measure.
“I’m pretty much the Serena Secret Service, or SSS. I am ready to put my life on the line for this dog. GET DOWN SERENA!” Kempf exclaimed, diving in front of the oblivious dog as a freshman approached down the Dill Center hallway.
Crossword | Paul Baudendistel | criticisms, compliments, and ideas welcome at pbaudendistel@sluh.org