70 degrees and sunny in november (PPD 3DUDGLHV ¶ -
my mother’s eyes traced the water as it played tag with an island, closer than it was twenty years ago to touching tree roots and winning the game. she said “if i knew the world would be like this, i would never have had children.” her hand was tenderly brushing eraser scraps from my face. she said “we ruined the oceans.” L FRXOGQ·W ÀW P\ PRXWK DURXQG the words yes, you did even if they were true. she shook her head and said “always thought when you were twenty i would get to stop worrying about you.” i watch the boats, their sails staining the water with color like a mid-summer night sky and think we wouldn't have such bright sunsets, which my mother told me at twelve, LI LW ZHUHQ W IRU WKH SROOXWLRQ in a dream my mother tells me is this what you want, honey? being alive? she says L WKRXJKW L NQHZ ZKDW LW PHDQW to have a child. i am braver and more open-mouthed in dreams, but i can still only say you're my mother. you're my mother tapping out an insistent beat on the inside of my teeth, mother mother. you should know what you want by now. 38
