Dear Diary: Chinese Zodiac Rabbit

Introduction

As the fourth in line of the Chinese Zodiac, the Rabbit is associated with tranquility, calm, and elegance. But with the responsibility of being the ambassador of the new Lunar year, what anxious emotions could be bubbling under the Rabbit’s peaceful front?

January 21

Ok, so I guess I’m known to be gentle and compassionate, but my goodwill only goes so far — especially when I remember my dark past on a day like Chinese New Year’s Eve. Back in the day, when the Jade Emperor called all the animals together, I thought it was defnitely about giving out promotions considering how hard I’d worked. But imagine my shock when it turned out to be a race! There are more than a million species and only twelve spots to fll, and if you do the math, that means my chance of placing is … less than

50%! Nevertheless, my efforts earned me fourth place and an entire zodiac year to myself. Even if the race happened eons ago, I still live by the motto, “Forget but don’t forgive.”

Someone I especially can’t forgive is the Tiger; she acts like she’s so much better even though she was literally only faster than me by a milli-nano-pico-second. But now, I f nally get to show off all the amazing things I have planned (like opening new Michelin-Star restaurants with the highest quality grass) to bring longevity, positivity, and prosperity to everyone!

January 22

The day has fnally come. Today is Chinese New Year and the start of the Year of the Rabbit. While the other zodiacs have their little party, pass out red envelopes, and eat those mouth-watering dumplings, fsh, and rice cakes, my diligence shall not waver. Hours of meditation to achieve a harmonious state of mind, months of research (some might call it “spying on the other zodiacs” but desperate times call for desperate measures), and years of planning, all to make sure this Lunar New Year goes perfectly. I was as prepared as I could’ve been; I wasn’t taking any risks after hearing those horror stories from my cousin the Hare. I mean, really. Can you believe he lost against a tortoise in a marathon? All because he fell asleep in the middle of the race! If I were in that position — well, I wouldn’t have fallen asleep in the frst place, of course — I would’ve set at least 20 alarms across 1-minute increments to wake me up.

January 23

It’s even more infuriating now that the Year of the Tiger is over and all the other zodiacs have been praising her for what a grrr-eat job she’s done. Does no one remem- ber how high gas prices were last year? Talk about infation, am I right? For the entire day, I was plotting my plan to outdo the other zodiacs with how great the next item on my checklist would be (a Little Peeps club to appreciate rabbits everywhere). But for some reason, the Tiger had the audacity to saunter up to me while I was working on my new spreadsheet for the year and give some of the worst advice, saying things like, “Oh, you don’t need to be so anxious! Just assert your dominance and everything will work out!” I mean, come on, says the literal tiger. How am I supposed to assert my dominance with my fuffy tail and dazzling eyes? I’m just too adorable! Oh, woe is me!

June 22

Summertime. A time to rest and relax. A time to forget about all the worries in the world. But for me, it’s a time to make this the literal best summer in zodiac history. So what if Top Gun: Maverick came out in late spring of the Year of the Tiger? I’m going to personally make another flm to be the movie of all movies, topping everything else that’s come out in other zodiac years. “The grind doesn’t stop” as the youngins would say. Though, what exactly is there to grind? Carrots? I sure hope so. This year is my chance to take revenge on the other zodiacs who always act like they’re so much better by outshining them! But then again, the other zodiacs did say I’ve been doing a good job with the weather recently … so maybe they’re not all that bad.

September 29

You know what? During the Mid-Autumn Festival banquet today with the other zodiacs, a profound epiphany dawned upon me while I was munching on some grass (especially after considering how the zodiacs have actually come to my aid when I have to work overtime rather than ridiculing me like I thought they would): maybe it’s more important to focus on bringing everyone together this year rather than one-upping the others. After all, the Year of the Rabbit is all about hop(e), and I’m supposed to represent responsibility and sensibility. Also, this isn’t my guilty conscience speaking or anything — especially since I haven’t done anything wrong — but there’s also a slight chance it was the Tiger who told me to adopt this new mindset. But, I’m the one interpreting her words so who’s really doing more work here? Me. The answer is me. So, I guess this is my “new year, new me” resolution — albeit a little late — but it’s not too late for me to actually fnish the items on my checklist … like giving out lottery tickets for a million carrots! I bet everyone wants some of that vi-