Resurrecting the joy of the holidays

Ihave felt disconnected from the holidays ever since my mom passed away six years ago. Throw a divorce, two moves and a pandemic in the mix and things really get wonky when the goal is to be joyful.

Yet, during that period, so much good has come into my life. I’ve blended families with a wonderful man, moved into a beautiful home and now have three other amazing children in my world. I’ve reached several career milestones and have nourished friendships and professional relationships. I’ve maintained my fitness routine and have transitioned to a plant-based diet. I’ve instilled a daily practice of gratitude where I journal about all of the good in my life instead of ruminating on what I’ve lost.

It wasn’t that I dreaded the holidays, per se, but my cheerfulness was lackluster compared to years past. My boys and their excitement kept me going, but sometimes it felt like I was merely going through the motions. A lingering feeling of despair blanketed an otherwise merry season. This year I decided to flip the switch. I’ve done the hard work of healing and accepting. It’s time to embrace the holidays as I once did.

To truly rewire the brain, it’s important to stimulate all the senses. I realize a lot of people have a firm rule of waiting until Thanksgiving is over to begin celebrating Crhsitmas, but I’ve decided to ignore that. Who made that rule, anyway?

On Nov. 12, I ordered Christmas socks and a slew of Christmas teas. Every time I look at my feet, they are covered in wreaths, Santas, reindeer, ornaments and jingle bells, and this makes me happy. Moreover, I’m a big fan of hot tea and enjoy trying varieties from around the globe. I ordered several boxes of seasonal teas as well as a Pukka Advent tea set, which includes a different tea for every day of Advent. Holding a steaming mug of tea that smells of cinnamon, wild orange or peppermint while enjoying a fire in the cozy comfort of one’s living room is an excellent way to propel the mind into a state of contentment.

Additionally, I’ve already begun watching Christmas movies and listening to Christmas music. I’ve always been a sucker for Hallmark movies but have avoided them over the past several years, most likely because my mom watched them from October to January. Having them on in the background seemed too emotional, but what I’m discovering is they actually make me feel happy and relaxed. None of those dark emotions have bubbled up. I admit the movies are cheesy and predictable, but that’s why they’re soothing. We’re getting our Christmas tree earlier than in year’s past. In fact, it may even be decorated before we break bread on Thanksgiving Day. When you think about it, autumn decorations are often up for three months, while Christmas decorations are up for one month. That’s not fair.

I’m a big fan of and believer in essential oils, so for the past couple of weeks I’ve been diffusing my favorite seasonal scents such as peppermint, clove, nutmeg and cinnamon. I’ve also been opting for culinary dishes that include sweet potatoes, butternut squash, rosemary, walnuts and thyme.

Soon, the Advent wreath will adorn our dining room table and each Sunday we’ll light a new candle and say a prayer. From every direction and in every way, I’m welcoming the spirit of the season.

Recently, I sent a text to some friends telling them my plan to resurrect Christmas. I told them how my mom’s death and the divorce altered my perception of the holidays so significantly it’s been challenging to find a new path. A few days later, one of those friends sent me this poem from Scottish writer Donna Ashworth. This sums up what I’ve been struggling with for so long.

Susanna Shetley Columnist

Christmas without your mum… Means you are now she. You are the one who creates ‘Christmas.’ You are the one who honours the traditions, ensures that the joy is passed down as she would have liked. But that is hard when you are hurting, when you are still just a little girl deep down who misses her mama. So, be kind to that little girl, but go forth, and do what she taught you to do… love. Because one thing is for sure, she taught you well.

My mom’s home was the epicenter of the holidays. It’s where we gathered to share meals, open gifts and make memories. It’s where we sat by the fire with wrapping paper surrounding us, my little boys running around playing with their new toys. It’s where my sister and I pulled presents and trinkets from the same stockings we’ve had since birth. It’s where we drank rum and eggnog and laughed at Chevy Chase on “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.”

As I enter this holiday season, I do so with anticipation and determination to shift my perception and make it happy again. I encourage you to check on friends and family who may be dealing with this specific struggle. Whatever life change they’re battling, it can greatly alter their holiday experience. Make sure those folks are OK. To everyone, Happy Thanksgiving, and have fun prepping for Christmas. (Susanna Shetley is a writer, editor and digital media specialist for The Smoky Mountain News, Smoky Mountain Living and

Mountain South Media. susanna.b@smokymountainnews.com.)

After elections, less hate, more love

To the Editor:

By the time you read this letter, we will have outcomes of the 2022 mid-term elections. Many people will have worked and volunteered hard to support candidates and issues. More will have listened and read carefully to inform their votes. Some will have voted straight ticket, some not voted at all, and too many without checking the facts about candidates or issues.

Post-election, we each have another choice to make: will we remain divided as a straight ticket county, district, state, country? Will we continue to line up and soldier on as Democrats versus Republicans, recruiting unaffiliated independents to pick a side? This either/or approach polarizes people into us/them, right/wrong, good/bad. Next, we’re engaged in disrespect, hate, and then comes physical violence.

Divide and conquer cannot be our only choice. Between now and the 2024 elections, could we cross boundaries, start conversations, and consider multi- or non-partisan actions? What outcomes could we emphasize? Could we build unity rather than advance division? Listen to each other’s stories, rather than judge one another’s humanity? Examine and research issues of most concern for our county and country?

Let’s not be straight-ticket thinkers. What have we got to lose? It can’t be worse than the paralyzing partisan division growing nationwide over the last several years. It can be better. Less hate/more love.

Marsha Lee Baker Sylva

LETTERS

SMN has lost a loyal friend

To the Editor:

Long-time Haywood County resident Kitty Phillips passed on Election Day this month. Kitty was a fan of The Smoky Mountain News who enjoyed the investigative reporting in the paper. She was a volunteer at Haywood Regional Medical Center during the dark times when SMN was reporting on the the David Rice problems. When the then CEO Rice forbade SMN from the hospital campus, Kitty would gather an armful of the papers and place them around the hospital. Kitty knew the importance of a viable hospital and the First Amendment right/duty to disclose shortcomings.

We enjoyed being Kitty’s neighbor for 20 years. She was always very well informed on political matters. The irony of her passing on Election Day — of all days — brought a smile to many of her friends. Kitty would have enjoyed following the outcome of the election as she did during her 95 years.

Walt Logan Haywood County

Sylva Sam messed up the view

To the Editor:

Driving through Sylva today I noticed the steps of the old courthouse beautifully decorated with rows of American flags. It was breathtaking. This display was in observance of Veterans Day, and I was filled full with pride and gratitude.

Well … there on those same steps, near the top, stands Confederate soldier Sylva Sam keeping vigil over Main Street. It was disorienting. I mean, granted, Sam was a veteran, but didn’t he fight against the United States? Has it been forgotten that Sam pledged allegiance to the invented Confederate States of America? As a Confederate soldier he swore to uphold and defend its constitution which enshrined “the right to property in negro slaves” into irrevocable Southern law. So, Sam was not an American veteran at all. In fact, he fought to destroy our union in order to protect slave ownership. Think about that. It’s historical fact.

That is why it was surreal today to see those American flags flapping around Sylva Sam as if he, too, was being honored and thanked for this service … as if he was in the same category as any other American veteran. He was not and is not the same. It’s 2022. It’s time to acknowledge the truth. Take Sam down but leave the flags up. Displaying the American flag in honor of our veterans should not include honoring those who fought to destroy our nation for slavery’s sake. Faye Kennedy Whittier