Opinion

Opinion Is it OK to just be satisfied, even happy?

As the sun began its descent on Monday — the eve of Election Day — I sat down to write this column and my thoughts turned to happiness and satisfaction.

I thought about being in a place, a state of mind, where one can look at one’s life, both into the past and into the future, and perhaps break into a small grin and say something like, “Somehow, surprisingly, I’ve managed to create a pretty good thing, a life and a family I never imagined for myself. I’m happy.”

As a young man, I would have retched at such an admission. I spent years thinking the pursuit of happiness meant settling for some kind of bourgeoisie, materialistic lifestyle instead of raging and trying to change the world. I’ve learned perhaps, that trying to change the world is fine, but there’s more to life than that.

Like all of you — perhaps more than most because of my profession — I’ve been immersed in politics for the last several months. And a lot of it has focused on hate, distrust, lies and negative attacks. We’ve heard from aggrieved, angry old white men — my demographic — that may very well have given Donald Trump another term in the Oval Office by the time this edition hits the streets. We’ve heard from angry young people who hate Trump, but dislike Biden a little less, so will hold their nose and vote for him. It seems like more than ever, there has been anger and hate from candidates all up and down the ballot as people choose sides and start tossing bombs at the opposition.

So here before Election Day, I was trying to assess what state of mind I’ll be in when this is all over, regardless of who wins. I mean, politics is very important, but when did it become the defining characteristic in so many people’s lives? What about relationships, family, friends, good conversation, careers, travel, ideas, books, music, and such? Matthew, my nephew, and his fiancé came up for a visit this weekend. He’s a young man I’ve always enjoyed being around. He makes it a point to Scott McLeod Editor stay in touch with relatives and it’s obvious keeping those connections is important to him. While they were in town, my daughter Hannah and her boyfriend joined us for dinners and outings. Hannah, too, places great importance in spending time with family. We spent a fun couple of days visiting with other family in Asheville, talking, hiking, cooking, biking and playing games while catching up on each other’s lives.

For my wife Lori and me, it was a couple of satisfying and fun days with our daughter and nephew and other young people who are bright, funny, creative and forging their unique paths in this world. None of this seems that special, I know, but somehow it affected me, made me think about my state of mind and emotional well-being. These are things I don’t usually dwell on.

Our oldest daughter, Megan, got married in August. That was a momentous, emotional occasion that brought two families together in an intimate, small ceremony due to the pandemic. We now have a fantastic son-in-law, Sam, who makes our daughter extremely happy. Thoughts of their life together and all that’s in store for them brings a smile to my face. My son, Liam, will graduate from college in a couple of months, and his infectious, outgoing personality lights me up when he’s around.

This has been a year many of us want to forget, and for good reason. So far COVID-19 has killed at least 231,000 Americans, and the surge many predicted and feared as winter approaches is indeed happening. The pandemic’s economic impact has been horrible, and millions are out of work and many businesses will never reopen or will never get back to their pre-pandemic numbers. One of my co-workers keeps making comments about wanting to turn the page on 2020.

So, I’ll offer my prayers for those who have suffered from this pandemic; as for this election, let the purveyors of hate and divisiveness be damned.

That said, I won’t forfeit what I get from my wife, my children, my extended family, friends, my job, co-workers, this place I call home, and everything that’s important in my life. At 60 years old, I’m in a good place, which I’m not sure I ever expected. (Scott McLeod can be reached at info@smokymountainews.com)

Remembering the ‘good’ old days

To the Editor:

Roe v. Wade, the 1973 landmark Supreme Court decision on women’s reproductive rights, has been in the news related to the nomination of Amy Coney Barrett for the Supreme Court of the United States. I am not alone when I worry that her record of supporting anti-abortion actions coupled with ultra-conservative social and religious beliefs could result in a vote in favor of repealing Roe v. Wade. I support a woman’s right to choose a safe and legal abortion. Here’s why.

Full disclosure, I am female and a registered nurse who is just a bit too old to be a boomer. Many readers will be too young to know what it was like in the 1960s, the 1970s and earlier, pre Roe v. Wade. Even if you are a woman of a certain age, you still might not know. People didn’t talk about things like premarital sex, let alone abortions, back then. But trust me, women were having abortions. To help make my point, here are two true yet disguised stories. A friend told me this story two decades after the fact; she had never told anyone before. She was 17 in 1964 when she was awarded a full ride scholarship to a prestigious university to study biochemistry. And then she got pregnant. The boy refused to even acknowledge knowing her (side note: birth control pills could not be legally prescribed to unmarried women then).

Coming from a family that could never afford her the opportunity to attend college, she made the difficult decision to have a “back alley” abortion. She described getting a first name and phone number from a classmate. She was required to go alone and bring $250 cash (more than two month’s rent back then). They arranged a meeting in a grocery store parking lot. After getting in the backseat of a car, she was blindfolded and taken to an unknown location where the procedure was done. She remembers going down some stairs before the blindfold was removed, finding herself in a windowless room.

Well you get the picture. The experience was horrifying and filled with risks, known and unknown. We talked about what her life might have been like had she made a different choice. She acknowledged the risk, the loss, the love for her children, and the joy she found in her career.

One more. Understanding my HIPAA responsibilities, here is a true but masked story about a day in the late 1960s in the ICU of a large city hospital. One of my patients was a teenage girl; I still even remember her name. We were doing everything we could to keep her alive, but were unsuccessful. She died from a tetanus infection after an illegal abortion, probably much like my friend’s in the previous story.

I was there when this girl died. Her family didn’t even show up to say goodbye. She experienced a horrible death. As I prepared her body for transfer to the morgue, I grieved the loss of this young girl.

After reflection, my personal and professional beliefs/values about the need for legal and safe abortions landed softly in my heart and have remained there, steadfast.

If you would never have an abortion because you believe it is wrong, I respect your choice. I respect whatever choices you make and beliefs you hold about your reproductive rights. I am not going to try and change your mind. I speak on behalf of the girls and women who make difficult decisions that you do not understand.

But my position is clear. We cannot risk going back, because woman will still have abortions. Unless a woman is wealthy enough to fly to another country, abortions will not be done by qualified licensed healthcare personnel. And they will be filled with risk, fear, and even death. Women need and deserve the right to continue to choose a safe and legal abortion.

Elaine Slocumb Bryson City

Air the laundry. The Smoky Mountain News encourages readers to express their opinions through letters to the editor or guest columns. All viewpoints are welcome. Send to Scott McLeod at info@smokymountainnews.com or mail to PO Box 629, Waynesville, NC, 28786

Research says women’s tactics work better

When the terms “systemic patriarchy” “Our results clearly indicate that women and “systematic racism” became leaders reacted more quickly and decisively common rhetoric in our society, they in the face of potential fatalities,” said made my brow furrow. I wasn’t sure I com- Supriya Garikipati, a developmental econoprehended the full meaning of these phras- mist at Liverpool University, co-author of es. I understood they were longstanding the study with Reading University’s Uma societal beliefs and practices based on cen- Kambhampati. turies of white male Jacinda Ardern, Prime Minister of New power. Yet, I became Zealand, was heralded for her personal curious about specif- addresses during the pandemic. Her speechic examples. Not only am I always thirsty for knowledge, but facts and historical data offer leverage rather than opinions or frustration. I wanted leverage Susanna Shetley Columnist es to New Zealanders were lauded for their warmth and directness. She spoke to her people as if they were family. Her responses were the embodiment of one of her leadership mantras: “Be strong, be kind.” In April, she told the nation’s children not to worry, that the Tooth Fairy and Easter Bunny were considered essential workers. Arden’s empawhen having issue- thy and encouragement united the citizens, laden conversations with other people. which led to a positive and effective compre-

I’ve started listening to Brené Brown’s hensive coronavirus response. podcast called “Unlocking Us.” Brené is a Germany’s Angela Merkel, Taiwan’s Tsai best-selling author, speaker and shame Ing-wen, and other female leaders took simresearcher. In the Unlocking Us podcast, she unpacks and explores ideas, stories, experiences, books, films, and music that reflect the universal experiences of being human.

I recently listened to her interview with author Elizabeth Lasser. In this episode, they discuss the traditional fight-or-flight response. Although both males and females show fight-or-flight responses psychologically and behaviorally when faced with perceived danger, more recent research shows that female mammals actually respond with a tend-and-befriend approach. ilar tactics. In line with the UCLA study,

A UCLA study published in a 2000 issue these women followed the tend-andof Psychological Review found that female befriend approach. They did not fight with responses to reduce stress and promote their people or health organizations. They safety more closely follow a tend-and- did not retreat or flee to safety nets of golf befriend pattern. Tending involves nurtur- resorts and luxury retreats. No, they tended ing activities designed to protect the self to the most vulnerable and befriended their and offspring, while befriending is the cre- nations. ation and maintenance of social networks Can you imagine how history could have that aid in this process. been rewritten had female leaders been in

Throughout modern history, the fight- positions of power sooner? If we’d only or-flight phenomenon has been the hypoth- looked at female stress responses sooner esized blanket response for males and and used that knowledge? For me, this is a females, when in fact, females respond in a great example of systemic patriarchy. much more unique way. To me, this is one When this column is published, Election example of systemic patriarchy, a widely- Day will be over. While we don’t have a held belief based primarily on male behav- female candidate for president, we do have ior with very little thought or concern given a female running mate in Kamala Harris to how females respond and react. and we have other females vying for various

Fast forward to 2020 and the COVID-19 positions in Congress. pandemic. An analysis of 194 countries My hope is that more females can rise to published by the Centre for Economic power. I don’t know about you, but I’d Policy Research and the World Economic rather have leaders who tend and befriend Forum, found that countries led by women as opposed to fight and flee, and not only had “systematically and significantly better” because it would result in a happier, kinder COVID-19 outcomes, locking down earlier America, but because the research says it and suffering half as many deaths as coun- works. tries led by men. Findings suggest the dif- (Susanna Shetley is an editor, writer and digital ference is real and “may be explained by the media specialist at The Smoky Mountain News, proactive and coordinated policy respons- Smoky Mountain Living and Mountain South es” adopted by female leaders. Media. susanna.b@smokymountainnews.com)

Haywood Christian Ministry Thanks