2 minute read
"How Narcissistic Abuse drove me to the point of suicide"
Emma Davey breaks down NPD, and explains why social workers should look at abuse cases through a Narcissistic Personality lens.
I was once a victim of narcissistic abuse,” explains Emma Davey, Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coach.
“I thought I was going crazy. I got to the point twice where I was self-harming and was on the brink of suicide.
“One day I woke up and decided that something needed to change. I moved to Australia and trained as a counsellor, launching my own counselling service, My Trauma Therapy, to help people rebuild their lives following NPD abuse.
“I also created a private group to share my story. Today, that group has over 3,300 members across the world.”
WHAT IS NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER?
A person displaying narcissistic traits may have a ‘god-like’ complex and crave attention and validation.
They constantly look to gain attention.
NPD is caused during childhood development stages.
It may be that the child has experienced extreme trauma, or it could be that they’ve received too much love and attention and they’ve come to expect it.
There is no cure.
WHAT ARE THE SIGNS OF NPD?
NPD often shows itself through control issues.
Narcissists tend to have addictive personalities because they need constant ‘hits’ of excitement. It’s why they may cheat or have issues with sex addiction, drugs, or alcohol.
They tend to be pathological liars, because they don’t know how to tell the truth.
Narcissists often groom their victims through ‘love bombing,’ showering them with love and attention to get them to open up and let their barriers down.
They will then use any information against them, working to isolate victims from other people.
IF YOU DO SUSPECT NPD, HOW CAN YOU SECURE A DIAGNOSIS?
It’s hard to get a diagnosis, narcissists never believe anything is wrong.
If you do suspect that someone isn’t behaving rationally, you should view their behaviour through an NPD lens to see if the traits match.
Narcissistic abuse can be one of the most dangerous forms of emotional abuse as the victim will feel that they are imagining it. My advice is for social workers and victims to learn as much as possible about NPD.
Once you recognise specific behaviours, you can anticipate what reaction that person is looking for and put your boundaries into place for protection.
HOW CAN YOU HELP VICTIMS TO BEGIN THEIR RECOVERY?
The victim needs to accept what has happened. Often, the hardest part is helping them realise the love bombing stage was fake, and that they were likely in love with a ghost.
It’s hard to understand the relationship they thought they had was fake.
There’s also the added complications of trauma bonds. The victim may still be emotionally attached to their abuser.
The most important thing is for the victim to be able to talk to someone without any judgement.
Often the narcissist has an outward persona of someone really lovely and genuine. It can lead to the victim feeling like no one will ever believe them.
WHERE CAN PEOPLE GO FOR HELP?
Each week I run a free counselling session via Zoom for members of my Facebook group.
There aren’t many counsellors who specialise in NPD and people recognise that I’m talking to them as a victim myself.
The sessions work because they see me as someone who completely gets what they are talking about, as I’ve always documented my journey through my personal recovery.
