LOVE
HATE
RELATIONSHIP
Introduction I have a subject in university called Personal Development. Although this year made it very hard for me to concentrate on this subject, it also took me a while to understand what it is all about. Growth Mindset, Meta Skills, 16 Personalities - who am I and what can I do good? It made me think a lot about my own characteristics and how I see myself as a person. Self reflection always felt difficult to me, since saying what you like and do not like about yourself in public is hard and can have a certain effect on people. However, I took five minutes everyday for 4 weeks to write down one characteristic I like about myself and one characteristic I do not like about myself. Some of the things need some explanation, also for myself: Why do I hate/like this about myself? - Maybe „hate“ is a strong word - it is more a dislike. In a society where we are so conscious about the way we look, we do not reflect enough on our own personality. Am I a good person? - And if, what makes a good person? Am I happy with my life? - Why am I / am I not happy with my life? Within this booklet you will also find several images, that I took during quarantine the creative process of taking pictures helped me to stay calm during this time and made me appreciate the environment I was allowed to spend this difficutl time. To every reader of this document: I encourage you to reflect on yourself, ask yourself why you like yourself and what you do not like about yourself. Be happy with who you are but also try to change to a more positive and happy person. Or if you already are - just reflect. These thoughts are very personal and shall not be judged by the reader.
Copyright © 2020 by S. Wechselberger All rights served. This booklet or any portion of it may not be copied without the permission of the publisher. First publication online via issuu.com First publication, June 2020 S.Wechselberger Amsterdam Fashion Institute
I love myself for being so appreaciative for everything I have I am so grateful for having a supportive family, great friends, a boyfriend who gives me moral support and the chance to study what I always dreamed about. I do not take that for granted and am thankful everyday for having the chance to live my life how I always dreamed of.
I dislike my LACKING SELF CONFIDENCE
I am always doubting myself, never able to be convinced about my abilities and my personality. I always think I can not do certain things. But why is that? I always seem confident but I am actually not, all this self doubt, makes my life easy - Why would I not trust myself?
I LOVE MYSELF FOR CHASING MY DREAMS
I am so happy I had the guts to stand up for myself and my passion and that I did things that make me happy. I appreciate to be able to live my dream - to study in Amsterdam, to study International Fashion Business and Development. To build a family after I finish my studies with people I love.
I dislike HOW I ALWAYS COMPARE MYSELF TO OTHERS (ESPECIALLY MY SISTER)
Why do I compare myself to my sister? I am a different human being than her, I do different things that are not comparable. I love my sister so much, so why not be more supportive?
I LOVE MY CURIOUSITY IN DIFFERENT FIELDS AND DISCIPLINES
I dislike HOW I CAN NEVER DECIDE ON A THING THAT I WOULD LIKE TO DO
I love that I care so much (about my work) and that it makes me nervous
I dislike HOW I HAVE DIFFICULTIES WITH ENABLING PEOPLE THEIR DISTANCE
I LOVE HOW I CONSTANTLY TRY TO FIGURE OUT HOW I CAN BECOME A BETTER PERSON
I dislike that i am a sensitive person
I cry a lot, I am very empathic - why do I not see it as a good characteristic?
I love my empathy and me first thinking about everybody else
This strenght makes it difficult as well sometimes to not forget about myself and not implementing enough self care.
i dislike that i sometimes appear like i am big headed Especially within family, where I can truly be myself I am big headed - I want my opinion to be understood and respected and get a little aggressive when it comes to accpeting my opinions.
I dislike HOW I CAN NOT LET LOOSE AND CHILL FOR A MINUTE I am a very driven person - it is hard for me to sit still and not do anything. Especially during quarantine it was hard for me to keep this balance between my student life and my personal life and that demotivated me often since I felt a little burned - out!
I LOVE THAT I OFTEN HAVE ENERGY FOR TWO
My enthusiasm can drive me a lot and can give me energy for two people. These days are great for getting a lot of work done and being active. They give me a lot of joy since I am fully energized and motivated.
I dislike THAT I CRY WHEN I AM ANGRY When I get totally angry about something I start crying, since somehow anger expresses itself throughout crying. I do not like that since it sometimes feels wrong, when you start crying in public through anger. I am working on controlling it by simply just staying calm when I am angry, then I have a different tone of voice but I do not start crying. This helps me to represent me and my thoughts without loosing respect.
I love myself for my efficency When things need to get done, I can work efficently. My plannings help me to do the things I have to do in a short amount of time.... I hope this will also help me to get through the next two weeks of assignments, where a lot of things still need to happen.
I dislike THAT I SAY SORRY WAY TO OFTEN ALSO WHEN THER IS NOTHING TO APOLOGIZE FOR This is just a bad habit I need to get rid of - I really do apologize for to many things, sometimes it is nothing to apologize for - why should I put myself in this position to apologize although I do not have to?
I LOVE MY HUMILITY/ MODESTY FOR MY ACHIEVEMENTS - MAYBE THAT WAS NOT SO MODEST NOW
I LOVE THAT THE PEOPLE AROUND ME KNOW THEY CAN RELY AND COUNT ON ME
I dislike how i have a lacking acceptance of criticism
I LOVE MY INDEPENDENCE AND HOW I CAN RELY ON MYSELF
I dislike HOW I CAN PROCRASTINATE FOR AGES... LIKE RIGHT NOW.
I dislike that my pesimistic mood can cost me my motivation There are days where my pesimistic approach to things like „I will not manage to do this on time“ - „This is to much work“ cost me my motivation and drive to do things. I could also just tell myself that with a good plan, I can get everything done on time, in order to motivate me. When you start - you will also be able to finish - at sometime.
I dislike that i put my own standards on a very high level I always feel that I need to reach higher than I did the time before. I feel I need to reach higher than somebody else, but this often costs me my health. I can set my standards high but do not overdo it.
I dislike that I often put work/school prior family/ friends/ personal Needs
I dislike how I am Afraid to defend my point of view
Sometimes I have problems to put my opinion out there since I am afraid of being judged for my opinion. This often escalates when being in a secure environment, where I am not afraid to defend my point of view and get a lil‘ aggressive.
I love that i have good public speaking abilities
I dislike that i often speak before I think
I am terrible when it comes to talking and giving advice. Sometimes I speak earlier than I think and this part of me hurts people without intending to do. I try to implement a better habit in listening and taking a pause before I say something.
I LOVE THAT I CAN WORK VERY DISCIPLINED
I dislike how I am Afraid to defend my point of view
I dislike that i started Amfi without being willing to challenge myself
I love how I changed somebodies life in a positive manner
I love my patience when working (especially when sewing)
I love my courage for moving to amsterdam
I love how i can laugh about my mistakes and do not take things to seriously When it comes to social activities like sports or games, I do not take anything seriously, which is a good but can also be a little bad ability sometimes - depending on the person you do your social activities with - I am terrible at accepting criticism during my freetime, since I often feel overwhelmed already with the professional criticism I receive.
I dislike that i sometimes think that I am not worth it
I often feel that I am not worth a good grade or some luck. But why would I, when I worked hard for something. I also connect that thought a lot with feeling guilty to have so much luck being in this priviledged position.
I love that I am very responsible for the things i do and how i life
I love that I finally understood how important my mental/ Physical health is University has some super busy periods - like now. But despite the fact I am busy, I will not put the priority towards finishing the task, if it is damaging my mental or physical health. I also finally managed to prioritize my sleep.
I am not happy about my lacking self esteem
i dislike that i am jealous of other peoples abilities and results Fortunately I already got better at accepting my own strengths and weaknesses and can say that this jealousy is slowing decreasing. I was jealous of people who could draw , work faster, get better grades. But luckily this is over now.
I dislike that it is so difficult to me to say no I can also say that this got better during this year. Sometimes I overload myself with work, whether it is on a personal or professional level. There are times where you have to say no to protect your own health.
I love about myself that I care so deeply for the people around me
conclusion
But whatever you read here: I love myself for who I am This project started from a university perspective and moved into a very personal point of view by really judging myself on the things I like and the things I dislike about myself as a person. This should not convey a negative message if there is just black and white but more a deep personal reflection on myself and how I would to drive positive change within me. It was very helpful to look at myself from a viewers perspective and deeply look at myself from this perspective - it felt like a Swat Analysis of myself to also understand where some change could happen as well or how I can educate myself to change my points of views and develop to a more evolved person. However, all of these notes do not say that I am unhappy with myself, I am proud that I finally found myself in the position to reflect on myself on a very personal level and also find solutions and other thoughts about why this characteristic, although I am not happy about being like that, might not be so bad in the end and ends up to be a strenght and not a weakness. To all the readers out there, I can just suggest this kind of Self-Reflection to everybody to become more clear about yourself.