TINA , MAFIA SOLDIER MARIA ROSA CUTRUFELLI

Translated from the Italian

by Robin Pickering-Iazzi

First published in Italian in 1994 under the title

Canto al Deserto: Storia di Tina, soldato di mafia.

Copyright © 1994 by Maria Rosa Cutrufelli

English translation copyright © 2023 by Robin Pickering-Iazzi

Translator’s note copyright © 2023 by Robin Pickering-Iazzi

All rights reserved.

First published in English in 2023 by Soho Press, Inc.

227 W 17th Street

New York, NY 10011

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Cutrufelli, Maria Rosa, author. | Pickering-Iazzi, Robin, translator.

Title: Tina, mafia soldier / Maria Rosa Cutrufelli ; translated from the Italian by Robin Pickering-Iazzi. | Other titles: Canto al deserto. English

Description: New York, NY : Soho Crime, 2023.

Identifiers: LCCN 2022032811

ISBN 978-1-64129-424-9 eISBN 978-1-64129-425-6

Subjects: LCGFT: Novels. | Classification: LCC PQ4863.U75

C8713 2023 | DDC 853/.914—dc23/eng/20220708

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2022032811

Interior design by Janine Agro Printed

Above the lava rocks, amidst the broom withered by the sun, I, ancient olive tree am weary of singing to the desert.

—S anto C alì

I can’t speak about Sicily because I love her and it scares me. . . .

I want to say that in your land anger runs thicker and the almond of pain ripens.

—R obe R to R ove RS i

Chapter 2

Twentyyears ago, I was leaving (for the second time), and Tina was being born. Sitting on the backseat of the car, in perfect order inside a transparent file folder, is the dossier that I compiled on her, cutting out newspaper articles, taking notes, photocopying news items. There are also some photographs. I like one of them in particular. It shows her laughing, her hands gripping the handlebars of a motor scooter. I like it precisely for that hearty laugh, her face tilted toward her shoulder instinctively trying to hide from the camera shot, granted nevertheless with an expression of childish mischievousness, of elusive, playful provocation. Tina ’a masculidda . Tina the little tomboy. Loose pants, a striped top on her shapeless, slightly awkward, adolescent body. She must have been fourteen or maybe fifteen years old, and it was her debut, the first time she appeared on the pages of a newspaper. Attempted robbery. But that wasn’t what made her newsworthy, though ultimately young girls who pursue exploits of this kind are rare compared to boys.

Tina was the recognized boss of a band of juvenile boys. That’s what was really worth a photo and an article. A young girl and a band of little gangsters, unaware of the fragility of their age.

Sitting next to the driver’s seat, my cousin Mimmo points his arm out of the window right where I need to turn.

“Here, I said.” He straightens his hair, ruffled by the wind. He wears it long and combed smooth back in an old-fashioned style, so he doesn’t seem either old or young, despite being forty. A look that suits him. Most of all it suits his way of being a doctor, fussy and paternalistic, but with an outward vein of cynical impatience.

It’s a Sunday in late June, almost six o’clock, but the town is still sleeping or lazily dragging out the day behind the windows, which are closed to keep out the hot, heavy air. I park in a deserted courtyard and head toward the first of two small white and red buildings that mark the border between the Bronx and the Villaggio. Probably the same blurry building that you can make out in the right corner of the photograph: a perfectly squared wall, dark plaster, a piece of asphalt street.

And yet when the photograph was taken, Tina didn’t live here anymore. In truth, she lived here just a short time. It hadn’t even been a year since the entire family—her father, mother, older sister, and brother, who was just a few years younger—had moved from a hovel downtown to the public houses in the Bronx, at the time of the tragedy. Or rather, the incident. That is, when her father died, in that brand new apartment, just inaugurated, the armchair and chairs still covered in stiff, crinkling plastic. He died, shot directly in the face by two shotguns. Three shots exploding from weapons loaded with shrapnel: buckshot mixed with gunpowder and pieces of iron.

“THAT WAS THEIR DOOR,” Mimmo says. “That’s where the Cannizzaros lived. Tina and her family. Now, I don’t know. Maybe it’s still empty . . . But I doubt it, as we’re starving for homes.”

There are just two doors on the sandstone landing, welllit by a side window. The door Mimmo had pointed out is right in front of a blank wall where the stairs make a sharp turn. No nameplate, no name written on the doorbell. The other door is open, and a male voice invites us to come in, welcoming us loudly with warm greetings.

The Cannizzaros’ neighbor is a handsome, strong old man, with thick white hair and a lively expression. He’s in his undershirt, sitting in front of a game of solitaire spread out on the table in the combined dining and living room, and doesn’t get up when we come in.

“You’ll have to excuse me, doctor.” Now I notice the crutch leaning against a chair and the empty leg of his pants, the material hanging limply as if the heat had sucked the flesh out.

“Disability pension,” Mimmo whispers to me, “with a successful conclusion, for once.”

The old man isn’t alone. His wife is already bustling around in the kitchen, preparing coffee for us. A young, silent woman is pushing a baby carriage back and forth to lull to sleep a tiny, sweaty baby with two tufts of wet hair on his head, his little arms limp with the total exhaustion of early childhood.

“There’s room for everyone.”

The apartment is large. The man’s blue eyes, sparkling triumphantly, underline the point, while he raises an authoritative, hospitable hand to invite the world, to welcome all progeny. There’s room for everyone, as well as for his two married daughters and his grandchildren.

It’s not a poor home, I think as I look around, compensating for the indiscretion with compliments. The impression the home makes suggests the metropolitan outskirts, a looming poverty held at bay by furniture, decorations, ornaments, and furnishings. The living room is suffocated by pieces of furniture. The table, in the middle of the room, takes up much of the space, almost touching a brightly polished credenza and small sideboard, and a corner shelving unit that holds the television and video recorder. On the top shelf sit six hardcover encyclopedia volumes, whose titles

I can’t quite make out. Everything is well cared for but arranged ineptly, with a timid hand that reveals the uncertainty and confusion of someone who still doesn’t feel like the owner of objects and spaces, and doesn’t know the new rules of the game of living in a home.

Taking up an entire wall, in a sumptuous frame about ten centimeters tall, is a poster made from a photograph in which a very handsome, very serious young man wearing a carabiniere uniform shines, with the luster of arms and insignia.

“My son, when he took the oath. My daughters are also married to two carabinieri.”

Pride in his tone of voice, in the rapacious haughtiness of his eyes.

As if responding, Mimmo, who is sinking into the flowery upholstered couch, sneers, “You could play cops and robbers in this building.”

He breaks off, leaning to the side to briefly caress the baby, whose little legs are spread wide apart like a frog, moving restlessly in the baby carriage. He turns back toward me: “A killer lives in the apartment above. A famous killer. Good people and evil scoundrels, carabinieri and murderers, side by side, door to door. That’s how it is in this building. That’s how it is in the whole neighborhood.”

The old man doesn’t comment. He’s suddenly drifted away from our conversation, chatter that doesn’t interest him or have anything to do with him. His extraordinarily bright eyes, steadily fixed on Mimmo, have turned curiously dull; communication has been broken, consensus suspended. His wife has set down the tray with our coffee and taken a seat at a corner on the other side of the table.

“It used to be better than paradise on earth here,” the old man blurts out of the blue. “Better than paradise on earth. Then those people arrived . . . You, sir, know, you know them, sir.”

Which people? My mind jumps to the killer living on the floor above. So I had imagined his ostentatious lack of interest, that absent look on his face. Or maybe the old man still remembers the neighbors he had in the past, the man who was massacred at his front door.

“Sure, I know them. But what are they doing?” My cousin makes light of it. “They aren’t doing anything, nothing bad. And they’re clean and tidy.”

“As for being clean, they’re clean,” his wife confirms.

But the old man shakes his head forcefully. “There’s no pleasure anymore. There’s no pleasure with those people below, on the first floor, that everyone has to pass by.”

“Squatters,” Mimmo finally explains. “The apartment went unrented for too long. So they forced open the door and settled themselves inside. An entire family.”

“There’s no pleasure anymore,” the old man repeats resentfully. “And it was better than paradise on earth. Better, believe me.”

The disgrace gives him no peace. His chest puffs up and his shoulders rise in the effort to launch his protest and keep it high in the air, clearly visible, oozing with passionate hate. The man’s disability, that crutch leaning against the chair, seems harder to bear and more evident amidst the throbbing emotions and repressed energies. The old man is the master of the scene. His feelings invade the home, fill the space, keep it subjugated. Compared to his captive vitality, the two women are only dull, silent extras.

“That’s better . . .” The man sighs, calming down little by little, almost as if Mimmo’s impassivity is rubbing off on him. An impassivity that has nuances of complicity. In this home, Mimmo treats everyone with familiarity, and is treated the same in turn. He’s the family doctor, an important laissez-passer for me too. I know how it is, and I have taken note. After his brief introduction—“my cousin”—no one asked me any questions. It’s not courtesy but simple control of curiosity, a normal exercise in this area between people who are friends, who respect each other. And no one asks about the reason for this visit, which is certainly an unusual one. “I was in the area.” That’s enough, at least for the moment. A convention, a recognized, accepted formality. Form isn’t an empty shell, far from it. It enables you to manage situations. That’s the essential thing.

But now Mimmo gives me a prodding look, encouraging me to come into play. He says, “My cousin, she’s writing a book. Your neighbors, the Cannizzaros, you remember them, don’t you? She’s writing a book about Tina.”

“Tina?”

Sugar has already been put in the coffee, and though I take it unsweetened, at this point there’s no way to not drink it. A small sip and I put the cup back on the saucer.

“Tina?” Hostile, rebuffing: “She was called Cettina.”

A NAME FOR A little girl, for a sweet little girl, that really didn’t fit her, falling off her on all sides like certain little flounced dresses that her mother resigned herself not to put on her anymore and to replace with pants and a t-shirt.

A name that got in her way like the long hair hanging down on her neck. She just had to go to the barber’s when her father went there, to get rid of that encumbrance. Cettina would see herself in those long mirrors under the neon lights, in the white bib towel that covered her, hanging almost down to her feet, and feel the same as all the other boys. It was beautiful to break free from that hairstyle. Cettina would have liked to make her own name slide away right along with the hair the barber shook out of the cloth at the end of her haircut.

But at eight years old, there wasn’t any way to escape that shrill, clear diminutive. Even if she hid behind her cousins’ clothes, in their old pants, jackets that reached her after unnervingly long peregrinations from one boy to another, from one growth spurt to another. At a certain point someone would call her Cettina and an entire scaffolding swayed unstably at the impact. Her body dislocated and piece by piece was swallowed up by the swamp of an unruly submission.

Spoken on her father’s lips alone that name didn’t jar, ridiculous and sickly sweet, a touchy spot always waiting in ambush in her imaginative soul. “A night wasted when you make a baby girl,” her father would pronounce, repeating the age-old saying, but then he would take her along with him to the café and guide her hand on the billiard stick. Together, they’d roam through the bare countryside and dusty dirt roads, scars of a slightly lighter shade that furrowed the pale belly of the plain. He liked to take her along with him, that little girl with tomboyish eyes and a flair for adventure. They were often together on the long rides he had to take for his work as a metal scrap dealer, squeezed tight in the little three-wheeled Ape truck that bounced and squeaked at every gash in the asphalt and dangerously lurched at every stone. He took her alone out, into the world, and not Saveria, with that air of the busy older sister caught up in the most minute domestic duties. And not even Francesco, too babyish, too whiny. In fact, when he saw them arguing, “Let it all out, let it all out,” he’d say, stirring her up. “Hit him now, because when he’s big he’ll be giving you a beating.”

Then all of a sudden, the little Ape truck stood abandoned, and she found herself in a fast car, a new house, wearing her own clothes bought in her exact size, with a father who was brusque, worried, and distant.

Eight years old and she couldn’t get used to her name.

Just like Cettina couldn’t get used to the new house. Sure, if they asked her, she claimed she was happy. She boasted about it with a sort of arrogant vainglory. So much so that her cousins, wavering between envy and admiration, commented under their breath, “Haughty girl.”

But Cettina felt she had to show how proud of her father she was. He was a man who knew how to take care of his family and had lifted his children out of that hole of just a few square meters and without any windows, where all six of them had lived and where only their grandmother remained, attached to her way of life, like all old people.

There was no lack of windows in the new house. In fact the light was too strong, too invasive and hot. The muffled sound of footsteps on the sidewalk was far away. She vainly strained to catch the sound of feet shuffling by, which at night, just beyond the doorstep of their old home, used to accompany her sleep. That silence tightened around her chest, provoking a sense of estrangement, malaise. Cettina would open the door and find herself facing a sad hallway, an empty ramp of stairs. The street no longer came directly into the house and the house no longer opened onto the street.

That’s how it has to be, her father said. That’s how it has to be, Cettina repeated to her cousins and friends from her old street, listing the advantages and comforts of their new accommodations. Then she’d list them over again to herself to find some confirmation and deceive her doubts. Because what good was having a telephone, for example

(her mother had been the one to have it put in, after long haggling, furious arguments with her father), if afterwards no one could answer when it rang?

“But what did you all get into your heads? To let everyone know about my own business? Do you want to let the whole world know when I’m home and when I’m not here?”

He was a cautious man, and he certainly had good reason to be so. Even if all his caution wasn’t enough to spare him from an unexpected, violent end.

“RIGHT ON THAT EXACT day I was at the hospital. You must remember, sir.”

“But I still hadn’t gotten my degree then,” laughs Mimmo.

I haven’t even opened my mouth yet and already the old man steps in, establishes limits, builds walls. But I can’t go along with him and submit to devious sparring, to deferrals and competing allusions. I have no alternative. In order to understand (more than to know, which is a different complicated matter) I must be direct. Circling around reticence is long, complex work, and requires a comprehension of the powers at play, a capacity for identification with others for which I lack the strength to dig down deep inside me. Better to take the field straightaway.

“But his terrace borders yours. You could see him every day, know his habits . . .”

“He didn’t have any habits. Sometimes he came home and others he didn’t.”

“To kill a father with a family that way,” I intimate, a bit hypocritically. “They butchered him. But why, in your opinion, was he killed?” I ask, though I know it’s useless asking.

“Who knows. We never found out.”

The old man lifts up a playing card on the table. He examines it and slowly puts it back in the deck.

“Maybe just because he had found some copper that others had their eye on. Who knows. Maybe he was killed only over a little bit of copper. People kill for this, and even less, for little two-bit deals.”

“Was he a boss?” I persist.

“A boss? Maybe that’s going too far.”

“I heard he was tied to a mafia family, to a clan.”

“If he was, it was a losing clan, seeing as how they were able to kill him.”

Mimmo leans forward on the couch, looking as if he’s about to intervene, but then he stops himself and settles back again. From that distance he limits himself to staring at us, his eyes attentive but neutral, like a mere spectator. That look says his job ends with the courtesy of an introduction; he can’t do anything else and must not. And not only because he lives here and his interference, each hint of insistence, could seem uncalled for. The fact is that these are the rules, and Mimmo sticks to the rules of a quiet life. My cousin really doesn’t have the makings of a transgressor.

Yet he helps me graciously. Feeling a certain satisfaction, he plays the role that I’ve invented for him, which is to say the role of a guide in my descent into the circles of a closed, distrustful world wound tightly around itself to prevent anyone from penetrating it. I know full well that without a friend to vouch for me and be an intermediary, this door wouldn’t have opened so easily.

The killer who rang the doorbell right next door, when Cettina was barely eight years old, probably had a friendly face too.

CETTINA DIDN’T LIKE THE girls her age at school—they were meek and malicious. She didn’t like her teacher, with that mouth that not even lipstick could soften. Always repeating: sit down, sit down. Never another word, always: sit down, sit down. But Cettina couldn’t stay seated in her chair for the whole morning.

It was November and it was raining. An entire day of rain, so very rare in Gela. Cettina hadn’t gone to school— she hadn’t gone for a week—and had wandered around the streets until lunchtime. She was having fun in that pouring rain that turned the sloping streets into waterfalls and then spilled, foaming, through the escarpment of the seashore promenade. An unusual, turbulent landscape.

She’d gone down to the beach and lit a cigarette under the awning of a bar that was closed for winter. Something that no one at home scolded her for anymore. Her mother didn’t even notice, and by then Saveria didn’t dare grab the cigarettes out of her hand. Cettina bought loosies contraband, from the older kids, more as a point of honor than out of real convenience. It was the bargaining, the money changing hands, that gave her a taste for cigarettes.

The rolling paper had lost its scent and become limp, soft under her fingers. Everything was soaked with water: the rotten wood of her shelter, the sand, compact and shining like metal. She breathed in the smoke along with the smell of seaweed and some sort of acrid substance that the rain, instead of diluting, made more bitter and penetrating.

When she felt too soaked, with drops of cold moisture condensing under her skin, making her tremble inside, she started to make the climb up to her home.

“Hey, you. What are you doing here at this hour?”

In front of the butcher’s, she ran into Saveria.

“You didn’t go to school? Well, so you skipped school.”

For a while her sister kept prodding her, alternating between reproaches and flattery. “You act so tough, but you’re brilliant,” she’d tell her. She wanted to get it into Cettina’s head that school was important. “Make me happy.”

“Shut up!” Cettina yelled. She didn’t bother to tone it down. Only rough talk disarmed Saveria. “Shut up! At school, they didn’t even want you.”

“But I got my diploma.”

It was true. She’d completed fifth grade, by repeating every class, one after the other. And in the end, she arrived at a compromise with the teacher. She promised she wouldn’t enroll in middle school if they gave her the diploma for elementary school. Nonetheless, Saveria was proud of her perseverance and that small final success.

They kept on arguing the entire way up the street and into their home, even while Saveria cut the bread and started setting the table. Up until they heard the front door opening.

Cettina wasn’t jealous of the attentions Saveria showered on their father, her way of running to take his soaked jacket and rubbing a towel over his hair, still black and thick like a boy’s. Saveria was just doing her duty as the grown-up daughter and didn’t receive anything in return.

The man rolled the towel around his neck, glanced at the table that wasn’t ready yet, and slipped straight into the bedroom.

He didn’t stop to joke with her. It had been a long time since he’d stopped to joke around. He didn’t even look at her. In a bad mood, Cettina then switched on the television and, turning her back on her sister, her mother, and little Francesco, who was silently staring at her as always, started surfing the channels quickly one after another. She stopped, raising the volume, only when the music of some song blared out.

Maybe that’s why not one of them heard the doorbell. Afterward, Cettina would go back through her memory time and again, straining in vain to remember the sound of that doorbell, and an uneasiness, the shadow of something like remorse, would upset her. Maybe if the television hadn’t been on, she would have heard it, the doorbell. And she would have gone to the door. And her father would maybe have had more time to understand, to defend himself.

Instead, she hardly noticed her father out of the corner of her eye that day, as he headed from the bedroom to the front door. She thought he was going out again. He was going out, alone. Her bad mood got worse, and her fingers started drumming time with the music on the chair slats.

What happened next was fast and executed with professionalism. Few movements, essential orchestration. Cettina perfectly remembers that in that very moment Telecittà was broadcasting a game show with prizes and someone—a girl—was singing in English.

There were two men, both of their faces uncovered. One of them planted himself against the door, keeping it wide open, his weapon pointed down against his thigh. The other one, with a shotgun leveled firmly in his hands, immediately opened fire. One shot, two shots. In Cettina’s glimpse of the hallway, it seemed like her father leapt into the air, rising off the ground and arching backwards. Then the other man raised his shotgun, still keeping his shoulders against the door, and fired another shot.

Her father fell down backwards. Along with him, the small table with the useless telephone fell down too, tumbling over on the floor. The glass vase fell down. The little ceramic animals bought at the market all fell down. The photograph of their wedding resting up against a heavy metal frame, empty, fell down. The frame fell down. The entire house fell down. And in Cettina’s head the land shook clear to its foundations, deep inside, and in turn as it shook, it crumbled, giving way, each landslide starting another one that tumbled deeper and deeper into her own viscera.

As the door closed behind the killers, Saveria started screaming. Without realizing it, without even hearing the sound of her own voice, Cettina yelled too. She was yelling, “Ma, oh Ma!” even though it was her father’s body lying sideways in the hallway. Even though Cettina was sure that all her love was for her father, who took her to the café, and bought her rubber shoes. Because she was his favorite child, the child he could never deny, even though she was a girl, hardheaded and strange. Scunchiuduta, feckless girl, he’d say to make fun of her. But now she was yelling, “Ma, oh Ma!”

The room had filled with unusual smells, the smell of something burning, like the smell hanging in the street during the fireworks on July 2nd for Our Lady of Grace, and a different odor, repugnant, that seemed to rise from the body that was knocked to the ground, its head exploded in a pool of blood.

Suddenly Cettina heard her own voice and stopped yelling. She looked at her mother. She was standing stiff and still in the middle of the room. “In this home . . .” she murmured, with a strange offended look in her eyes, which never lit on her husband’s body, but roamed over the shiny furniture, the new armchairs, in a resentful farewell. “In this home, cops . . .” she murmured again, barely moving her lips, as if in warning.

Cettina understood. Or she thought she understood. In any case, she didn’t need to know anything else, and she immediately knew what she had to do. On Telecittà the girl was still singing. Cettina pressed the button and silence fell on the room, a silence that was unsettling and opened up a deep, painful emptiness in her chest. But there wasn’t time to descend into that emptiness.

From the bottom of the bedroom closet, Cettina quickly pulled out the weapons, a hunting rifle—the usual twelvegauge with sawed-off barrels—and a handgun. Beautiful, her thoughts strayed, turning it over in her hands. It was a high-powered gun, a nine-caliber model 84 Beretta, with a thirteen-round magazine. Well cared for, glistening with oil. She rolled it up in a shirt, instantly stained with oil, and stuck it in her school backpack. The rifle stuck out, but was well disguised under a multicolored layer of knit tops.

Returning to the living room she stopped in front of Francesco, who was stammering. His face streaked with tears, the little boy stared at her with furious concentration, turning purple as he was swept up in the effort to free at least a sound from his tight throat. He made her angry.

“We don’t cry here,” she told him harshly. “Get over there, go over there with Saveria.”

She had to hurry. But going outside, crossing that threshold blocked by her father’s body, was a terribly difficult operation. As much as she tried, her eyes couldn’t manage to take in the whole scene and find a way to escape. She had to deceive her eye, forcing herself to focus on certain points, and glide over things ever so slightly on the surface. She had to move with the care of a person crossing a street full of mud. Small oases where she could step. She could let her eyes light there and only there. Eyes lowered and steady, also to keep herself from being caught in the red spiderweb that was expanding on the wall. She climbed over her father’s legs without seeing them, even though she moved them with both her hands, just slightly, that little bit needed to open the door again and go out.

She immediately forgot that contact. Her mind refused to retain the sensation of that material—damp with rain? with blood?—on the palm of her hands.

Outside it had stopped raining. Cettina didn’t look back. She didn’t look toward the windows and balconies to figure out which ones had cracked open and which had remained closed. Taking slow steps, her shoulders bent under her heavy backpack, she set out toward her old street, toward her grandmother’s house. She walked along and forbade herself any thoughts. But from that compressed pain, which she pushed with desperate strength into some remote part of her body, a strange, prodigious idea was emerging, one that almost comforted her.

From now on, she promised herself, no one can call me Cettina again.

THE SHUTTERS ARE LOWERED but the last rays of afternoon sunlight come in all the same and make the overcrowded room too hot.

I have given up on rummaging through the old man’s memories, and now he’s discussing medicine and prescriptions with Mimmo while his daughter silently continues rocking the baby. His wife stands up, leveraging herself with the table. She’s not fat; she has a heavyset Mediterranean body. Her breasts are a shapeless bundle sagging down to what was once her waistline. She gathers up the dirty cups on the tray and goes back into the kitchen. I follow her. She sets the tray down next to the sink and turns around to welcome me. She seems happy for some reason of her own to have drawn me away from the men.

On the terrace that faces the back of the building, she shows me the landscape. The usual compact throng of illegal constructions fade seamlessly one into another. The top floors, empty and roofless, appear like erratic battlements, a fanciful, crooked profile like a witches’ village. Below us, to the right, an open space with dirty, straggly grass, piles of garbage, and the carcass of a bus. Toward the sea line, an abandoned construction yard: two large skeletons of cement homes, already old, already in shambles, the nighttime meeting place for drug dealers and addicts.

“In our land things start well, and then fall through the cracks. They always fall through the cracks. What a shame. They started out as two beautiful buildings, and instead they’re a disgrace. A danger. They left them half-built due to permit issues.” Her voice fades into a whisper: “The pizzo, protection money, that wasn’t paid . . .”

She isn’t at a loss for words, now that we’re alone. In fact, I get the idea that she was just waiting for this moment. She dries her hands on a dish towel. She folds it, lost in thought, clearly contemplating a delicate question. I lean on the railing. I’m not in a hurry. I can wait calmly, patiently, for her to make up her mind. Finally she asks me: “But why precisely Cettina? There are so many other stories, stories that are more . . .” She gropes, searching for the right word, the best for communicating her doubt. “Stories that are more worthy, that’s it. She’s not the only one whose father they killed.”

That’s not the question I anticipated, but she’s right. I find myself agreeing with her. If that were what interested me, I would be spoiled for choice. Heaps of stories, mountains of stories, at my disposal. There’s an abundance of little girls, female adolescents, and young women whose fathers and brothers have been killed. First the father and then the brother, a natural order for unnatural deaths. And each girl reacts in her own way.

The old man’s wife folds the hems of the dish towel over and over again while she tells me stories. There’s the one who becomes a collaborating witness. That’s the term she uses. Not collaborator with justice, but collaborating witness, as used in the jargon of police reports and court transcripts. Yes, a lot of girls become collaborating witnesses and talk; it’s their unarmed reprisal. One of them, instead, got it in her head to join the police force. She wanted to submit the application for the admissions exam and had even gone to ask for the information. But her brother, one of the survivors, threatened her. A cop in the family, the worst disgrace of all. The police dissuaded her just as hastily.

“Because her aim was to kill. She wanted nothing else. Within the law, but she wanted to take revenge. Shielded by the law, but the only thing she was looking for was a vendetta.”

The woman breaks off. “How’s the vegetable garden doing?” she yells at a neighbor woman who’s appeared behind the fence surrounding a little garden on the opposite side of the street.

“This year we have zucchini,” the other woman yells back.

“We have a bit of greenery, some vegetable gardens here.” Thin strips of land that take the place of sidewalks. “Well, then,” she persists, smiling awkwardly, “why precisely Cettina?”

Of course, why precisely this story out of all of them? Is it because there’s something in the protagonist’s personality that touches a sensitive spot, a dark side of me, something I feel vibrating deep within me? Because it lets me venture into the extreme limits of my imagination? Because it’s not a story of mourning, but of challenges? What I seem to discern is an excessive capacity for pride, a will to exist, to go beyond simply taking refuge from desperation.

But I still don’t know how to give form to my emotion and a reason for my choice.

“I don’t know,” I answer honestly. The woman lowers her eyes and smooths out the dish towel again. Faced with her disappointment, the incredulity hidden in that automatic gesture intended to deflect the embarrassment, I try to suggest something: “Maybe because at a certain point Cettina became Tina.”

GOING BACK

To

THE Villaggio, toward Mimmo’s home, we pass by the church. A light-colored box, anonymous, in sixties style like all the rest.

“Modern,” Mimmo defines it. “Sometimes they come down here for ceremonies. There’s no church in the Bronx.” He shrugs. “No schools, no churches. They tried to scrape something together, in a stroke of imagination they put an altar inside a garage, but it didn’t work. A garage . . . Now you tell me, who dreams of celebrating their child’s baptism or getting married in a garage. Even so, there are some people thinking about sprucing it up. The parish priest doesn’t like people from the Bronx coming down to the Villaggio. He said, ‘I don’t want them getting married here.’ Those exact words. What do you expect, the image . . . He cares about the image of his church too,” he quips.

He looks closely at me and suddenly asks, “So, was the visit useless?”