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What Will Survive of Us is Love: Doreen Boyce’s Lockdown Diary
This article is illustrated with artwork created by Somervillians during lockdown. If you would like to submit your writing or artwork to our lockdown archive, please email: communications@some.ox.ac.uk
Cleo After Rain by Eleanor Wood (2003, Human Sciences). You can see more of Eleanor’s work on Etsy (littleforestartshop)
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For most of us, lockdown has been a time of waiting, alternating moments of hope with boredom, anxiety with consolation. Yet as the days merge together and the weeks pile up, how can we prevent the recollection of these moments from slipping away? The answer, of course, is to share them.
Doreen Boyce (1953, PPE) is an Honorary Fellow of Somerville and former Provost and Dean of Faculty at Chatham College (1974-1980). An influential campaigner for equal opportunities in the workplace, she was President of the Buhl Foundation (1982-2007) and founded the Executive Women’s Council to provide a source of collective support and influence for professional women.
Having learned that Doreen was writing a diary about her experience of lockdown from her Pennsylvania home, we asked her to share a selection of those entries with us. We asked not only because Doreen is a fascinating person and a beautiful writer, but because it seems important, while we all undergo similar experiences in isolation, to create an archive of these experiences. We would invite you to do the same via the instructions on the left.
THE DIARY OF DOREEN BOYCE
Sunday, April 12 (Easter Sunday)
Why am I writing? I’ve decided there is a need to capture the thoughts which steal upon us in the lonely moments of crisis. Without this, they evaporate or are dismissed and lost, and the meaning of the menace goes. So history recounts the events and consequences, yet fails to tell the human story. I feel the need to capture those thoughts before they are lost. It is my story of a plague.
I, now at the age of 86, have a pleasant flat in a small community. Until January of this year I was able to pursue as many of my interests as good health, resources and my reliable Buick car allowed: occasional consulting work, travel, family visits and celebrations, service on governing boards and visiting friends. All of these I enjoyed. Some of them made me feel useful; some of them made me feel loved. All of that has changed. As the COVID-19 pandemic stalked the land with ready contamination, it became clear that my generation was its deadliest prey. And so, we have been confined to quarters. No visitors are allowed. Meals are delivered to our doors. Communications are by phone and computer. No more feeling useful. No more hugs. When will it end for us? When a vaccine is found or treatments become more effective.
Friday, April 17
I don’t intend to write every day. Too many entries would have to record ‘nothing worth noting today.’ There are days when time drifts by in an unremarkable routine or is consumed by an exceptionally dominating novel. Books can be demanding companions. It is only my beloved poetry books, the King James Bible and the panoramic view from my balcony that bring moments of stillness and wonder.
Self-Portrait (looking
rather bad-tempered)by Diana Havenhand (1986, Classics)
Windows below and right by Becky Powell née Fearis (1994, Psychology). You can see more of Becky’s work on Instagram (bristolwench_shooting_stuff)
It is only my beloved poetry books… and the panoramic view from my balcony that bring moments of stillness and wonder
Tuesday, April 22
The consequences of the pandemic are now becoming painfully apparent. The stock market has crashed. Shops are boarded up. All sports and entertainment has been cancelled (the polite word is ‘postponed’). Only essential businesses are allowed to remain open. Billions of dollars of aid have been authorised to help individuals and businesses affected. The mechanisms for distribution of that aid are stumbling. Makes me think nostalgically of the way the rationing system worked so well in Britain in WWII.
Friday, April 24
There is growing pressure to rescue the economy by opening up again, to jump-start the ‘new normal’. The authorities have had the agonising responsibility of weighing the balance between containing the spread of the virus and
rescuing the economy. The ghost of the Great Depression lingers.
Tuesday, April 28
I have made a mask. In order to avoid infecting others we must wear one to cover our mouth and nose. All one’s allure depends on eyebrows! I have found it to be useful in reminding me that I must not touch my face and that I should be keeping at least 6 feet distant from other people. I do what I can to avoid other people. I use the stairs instead of the elevators, which incidentally serves as exercise, too, as I am on the 4th floor. I get my mail from the first floor mail box before the dinner hour when I rarely see anyone about. It feels very daring to leave the confines of my flat.
Wednesday, April 29
There is a lot of time in which to think. Thinking is a dangerous occupation and solitude is its incubator. The empty hours can be filled with reading, sudoku, crosswords, etc. Occasionally, when the spirit moves, there are bouts of spring cleaning, sorting clothes, reorganising financial files and family memorabilia. I have twice rehearsed the arrangements for my own death and decided I cannot possibly go under these lockdown conditions!
However, there are times, especially on Sunday, when I confront myself. Oh no, not by looking in the mirror. That is bad enough at my age! But in a moment of quiet rest and reflection, I find myself in the past with all its imperfections or in the present with a sense of futility and impotence. I was used to feeling in charge, to making my life happen. But now? Happily, these moments don’t last long. I won’t let them.
Monday, May 11
I keep thinking about the children and young people whose education and career prospects are impacted by all of this. No schools open. No free meals. No graduations. No study abroad. They have to be a priority, surely. And then there is the mounting unemployment. The lines for food donations look very reminiscent of the Great Depression.
Monday, May 25
Today is Memorial Day, a day that takes me back to WWII in England and its aftermath. The period of austerity that followed the end of hostilities was for civilians even harder because of increased scarcity of food and fuel. We left for America, a magical land of ice cream and light bulbs. Now we have to overcome a different foe. I have to say from what I see on TV that we do not have that same unity of discipline. There are many who abide by the rules and the guidelines, but there are those who proclaim their refusal to comply and act as they wish in the name of their rights as Americans.
Thursday, June 5
Much has happened since I last wrote. The nation has been in shock, reacting to the death of George Floyd, 46, a black man who was arrested by four policemen in Minneapolis. He was then handcuffed and lay face down on the ground while a white policeman knelt on his neck. This was caught on camera by a bystander. The world watched him die. The effect of this was to evoke a renewed cry for justice across the nation. Marches were organised and drew massive crowds in major cities from coast to coast. There are marches now in smaller towns, too, although peaceful ones for the most part.
It brought back for me the march in Johannesburg organised by academics and clergy protesting the banning of black Africans from the universities. This was promulgated under the “Separate Education Act”. I participated in that march: the last legal one in apartheid South Africa. I was angry that my black students at the university disappeared from my classroom. I was driven by the conviction that the way to a better life is through education and that a democracy is only as good as its education. But that is another story.
Thursday June 11, 2020
Today’s Wall Street Journal brings news that three experimental vaccines are going to trials this summer to test safety and effectiveness. They will involve tens of thousands of subjects around the US. Moderna’s vaccine goes first in July, followed by AstroZeneca and Oxford’s in August and then in September by Johnson and Johnson’s. Although I hope any and all are successful, I have to admit a certain pride in the University of Oxford one!
The vaccine will come. Meanwhile, we stay the course, knowing that if we don’t we will be instruments of contamination and suffering, and possibly death. As each day comes, I count my blessings, which are many. I know that I have a vital role to play, one that Milton understood – ‘They also serve who only stand and wait.’
Above: photographs by Elspeth McPherson (1982, Music)
I have made a mask. All one’s allure depends on eyebrows!
Elizabeth Kirk
Introducing Somerville at Home
To help our community stay together during the pandemic, we have launched the ‘Somerville at Home’ series.
Combining online events, podcasts and video messages from prominent Somervillians, last term’s programme featured Alf Dubs and Esther Rantzen, among others. Somerville at Home will continue in Michaelmas 2020, and we’re delighted to announce that Dame Joan Bakewell will join us as one of our first guests. Before then, you can catch up on previous Somerville At Home events via the QR code below. Somerville College Woodstock Road, Oxford OX2 6HD E: communications@some.ac.uk T: +44 (0) 1865 270600 www.some.ox.ac.uk/alumni
“I just listened to Jan Royall’s digital update and wanted to say a big thank you for the ‘Somerville at Home’ series. It’s so important to feel part of a wider community at times like this.” Elaine Clements (1977, Jurisprudence) “Thank you so much for setting up the garden tour with Sophie today. My husband and I both felt like we had escaped lockdown and been out and about!” Kathy Fricker (1969, History) “I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed Jan’s interview with Esther Rantzen. Quote of the interview: ‘Being busy is not the same as living’. Thank you, Esther and Somerville!” Ruth Rostron (1964, English) “I live in a remote part of the South Island of New Zealand, so this new digital approach is perfect for me! Many thanks and long may it continue beyond the horrors of COVID-19. Kia kaha.”
Michelle Morss (1997, History)
