My Love Affair...

My Love Affair...

My L o ve A ffai r...

By Sopphe y Vance

My Love Af fair with Shahr ukh Kha n a tale of love for life and the scars that motivate me to sur vive

J oi n S o p p h e y in m a k i n g a n a we s o me m o s a ic f o r Sh a h r u k h K ha n

My Love Af fair with Shahr ukh Kha n a tale of love for life and the scars that motivate me to sur vive

By Sopph e y Vance

D i s c l ai m e r My love affair with Shahrukh Khan is not real. I don’t know him, I’ve never spoken to him, he doesn’t know who I am, and so forth. I’m just a loyal fan. As a loyal, and hopelessly taken by his charm, fan I decided to write this 13-part movie review of the 13 movies I watched. I wrote the reviews in the order I watched the films. I watched the following films: 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

11.

12.

13.

Devdas (2002) Om Shanti Om (2007) Don – The Chase Begins Again (2006) Chak De India (2006) Swades (2004) Maya Memsaab (1993) Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna (2006) Kuch Kuch Hota Hai (1998) Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham (2001) Mohabbatein (2000) Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge (1995) Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi (2008) My Name is Khan (2010)

I’m not going to claim that Shahrukh Khan is the best actor in the world, or that the films are brilliantly composed. I’m not going to discuss anything related to cinema. Nor, am I going to discuss the literary value of any of the films. Each part will have a long or short description of the film and some commentary, opinions, and or snippets of my life.

I hope you enjoy My Love Affair with Shahrukh Khan as much as I enjoyed writing it. *ADDITIONAL DISCLAIMER: All views represented in My Love Affair... can change. Humans change, personalities change, and Sopphey Vance definitely changes. By reading the ebook, the reader accepts all content “as is.” In no way, are the views represented meant to harm, hurt, or disrupt Shahrukh Khan’s career. © 2011 Sopphey Vance & Sarai Oviedo

for Shahr ukh Khan

“Lo o k int o my eyes . C om e clos er to me. Clos er. M or e clos er .”

–Sh a r ukh K h a n; Kof f e e wi t h Kara n , S eason 3 , Ja n ua r y 2 , 2 0 1 1 .

Co n t e n t s Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13

(Devdas) (Om Shanti Om) (Don – The Chase Begins Again) (Chak De India) (Swades) (Maya Memsaab) (Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna) (Kuch Kuch Hota Hai) (Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham) (Mohabbatein) (Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge) (Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi) (My Name is Khan)

... Page 11 ... Page 20 ... Page 28 ... Page 33 ... Page 39 ... Page 45 ... Page 48 ... Page 55 ... Page 60 ... Page 67 ... Page 71 ... Page 77 ... Page 83

“I love being a big star...[Because] stars are big. Everyone follows them and I want to get so big that one day my parents from heaven can see [me]… because I think heaven is a bit faraway...”

–S h a r ukh Kh a n ; Ta l k A si a , C N N, Ma rch 2 4 , 2 0 1 0 .

P ar t 1 Devdas

I love beginnings. Beginnings are amazing because they are the endings and the “moving on” points to stories. It all began three weeks before Valentine’s Day. On that day, one of the writers for Salon de Madame Odalys didn’t submit her story for her slot.

Luckily, for us, one of the other writers picked up the empty slot.

Unluckily for us, this also left the Valentine’s Day assignment without a writer.

The assignment traveled to another writer before it landed on my keyboard. I faced the daunting task of writing about one of those topics that make writers nuts. We call these topics “doors that should not be opened.” Asking a heartbroken person to write about love is like asking a blind man to write about illusions. It’s simply crazy. But, for the sake of writing and for the love of my budding business I forced myself to write.

This is how my love affair began. I bitched and moaned about Page 11

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love for nearly two weeks. I read, reread, and rewrote the love poems I penned as a teenager. I searched on Google for mushy love songs, for love songs from comedy-romance films, and then searched for love songs playlists on Youtube. Somewhere along my quest for inspiration, I found a playlist of Hindi Love songs. This search led to Devdas and my first encounter with Shahrukh Khan.

I didn’t notice his name in the opening credits. In fact, I didn’t recognize any of the names flashing on the vermilion screen. I had skimmed the Wikipedia article but I didn’t retain much since it was near midnight. In addition, the first version I stumbled upon didn’t have English subtitles. I’m sure that watching this film without any knowledge of the language, culture, and plot of the story made it possible for the magic of love to unravel. It was like falling in step with a stranger in a new place and knowing that you’ll be safe because you share the same skin color.

I watched a good 45 minutes without understanding the sounds from the characters. I kept switching screens between the film and Wikipedia to understand the story. I would have sensed it, though.

I would have sensed all the pain that diffused into the plotline even if I never found the subtitles. I sat surprised when I recognized Aishwarya Rai from Bride and Prejudice. But then again, it’s the little details that keep one’s attention glued to the screen.

The story of Devdas, based on the Sharat Chandra Chattopadhyay novella Devdas, is of tragic forbidden love between Devdas and Paro that breaks apart their families and their friendship. It is sort of like Romeo and Juliet but not really. In this tale Paro survives, even though living after your true love’s death is hell and death would have been better.

There’s such poetry in the story. Relaying each moment word for word would be a different beauty, but I’ll only transcribe Pag e 1 2

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certain moments. Starting with the beginning of the love story… see, contrary to the wishes of Devdas’s mother Devdas seeks Paro before paying his respects to his parents. Devdas reaches Paro’s room, calls her name, and Paro hides her face on the violet-blue sheets.

“How have you been Paro?” He says as he steps forward into her room. Paro hides her face further into the bed sheet and curls her feet close to her body.

“Won’t you turn to see my face? We’re meeting after so many days.”

“Days? For you, maybe. For me... 10 years, 6 months, 4 days and 6 hours.” She responds staring at her henna painted left hand. “You never missed me?”

“I did.”

“Lies!” She sits up facing away from him. “Lies! Only 5 letters in 10 years? There are four seasons in a year. Couldn’t you write once a season?”

“Makes sense. You’re a big girl.”

“The desire to meet the sea turns the stream into a river.”

“Then why take time to show your face?”

“Like sighting the Moon after ages, I fear I’ll leave you breathless.”

“Not even the Moon is as vain.”

“But the Moon is scared.”

“Till moonrise spare the Moon, to see which leaves me breathless... the Moon’s radiance? Or your vanity?”

The exchange between Devdas and Paro is perfect for two friends who have grown to love each other. There’s the timid promise of living their dreams together while at the same time the viewer knows that this love has no future. The story arch follows a Page 13

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typical Mexican soap opera plotline. The film begins with Devdas leaving to England for school. Devdas leaves and Paro lights a candle for him and keeps the candle lit for 10 years. Devdas returns and Paro refuses to “meet” him face to face and this moment marks the moment when their friendship turns to love.

Everyone is satisfied and happy with their love, but Devdas’s wretched-miserable-power-thriving-sister-in-law reminds Devda’s mother that Paro’s maternal lineage consists of mujra dancers.

Mujra is a form of dance originated by tawaif (courtesans who catered to nobility with music and dance) during the Mughal era (1526 ACE to 1858 ACE) in India. Now, that’s inappropriate for the family line and when Paro’s mother announces her desire for Devdas and Paro to marry, Devdas’s mother humiliates her and rejects the proposal.

The devastated mother thus vows, raises her shoulder high, that Paro doesn’t need to marry Devdas. Paro will marry an even better man, specifically a forty-year-old widowed aristocrat with three grown children. At the same time, Devdas’s harsh and ambitious father also rejects Paro and comments that Paro and her mother belong in a brothel (like good little descendants of courtesans). Devdas is totally upset and stupidly leaves his house.

Paro and her mother notice that he’s leaving. “Dev, is leaving, Paro.” She states, “It’s as much his test as it is yours. See for yourself… what he cares for, you or family? Is he taking you with him? Or is he deserting you? If he isn’t taking you along... then you shall do your mother’s bidding.”

Devdas doesn’t take Paro with him, instead he leaves a note: “That night, all sense of reasoning deserted me. I was left vacillating as if between pendulous scales. You wouldn’t want me to displease my father to make you happy... would you? Why does the river go to sea?

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Why does the sunflower gazes at the sun? Instead of hunting answers, why not let the question pass? What was between us, was no more than childishness. There’s no love. From now onwards, you are the girl nextdoor, and I, your friend.”

Devdas moves in with a college friend who then takes him to a brothel, “to clear his mind.” At the brothel, Devdas meets Chandramukhi, a tawaif, who falls hopelessly in love with him.

Too bad for Chandramukhi because Devdas is a typical “proper” man and despises her for her profession. He tells her so in a harsh manner by saying: “Dancing to an audience of drunken men is shameless. You are a woman, Chandramukhi. Realize who you are. Woman, mother, sister, wife, friend when she is none she is a whore. Could you be someone else Chandramukhi?”

He then offers her his wallet for their time together. She sees the pain in him, and still she loves him more. Her response to Devdas’s hate is beautiful. She says with tears in her eyes, “Have courtesans no hearts? Is she denied the right to love?” and then asks for Devdas’s friend to bring Devdas back.

Meanwhile, Devdas runs to Paro, finds out that she’s going to marry, and asks her to elope with him. Paro refuses and reminds him of how quickly he discarded her. Grieved and unreasonably upset Devdas leads Paro to her bridal procession after he inflicts the mark of his love on her forehead.

I was almost sad. I almost cried, but instead I just sat there hugging my sanity with the warmth of the moonlight shining through the window. I also didn’t realize that the movie was only half way over. I sat confused and saddened that Devdas and Paro would never have each other’s love. Paro even takes the candle to her new home and Devdas is the last person she sees before the Page 15

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veil closes her view and she leaves.

Paro, now referred to as Parvati as she is married, finds out that her new husband only married her so that she could become the mother to his grown children and the lady of the estate. I was as disappointed like Paro, but unlike me, she actually just nodded and took to her responsibility and duty.

As a proper man, Devdas didn’t drink, but the heartache in his chest drives him straight into a drunken stupor. He awakes to find that he passed out drunk somewhere and Chandramukhi found him and nursed him back. Yet, Devdas still despises her and offers her money for the two nights “wasted” on nursing him to health.

“Hear,” Devdas mocks her again, “A courtesan talking of romance. Am I to learn of her what love is, what romance be?

What is amour?”

This time Chandramukhi gets to respond: “Love mirrored in your soul, amour God’s gift to life’s design, romance. How regrettable, your friend possesses none… of soul, or intent or purpose.” She blatantly tells him his money isn’t worth the soil in front of a brothel and that Devdas owes her two nights of his time.

She warrants that she won’t dance until Devdas joins the audience.

It is such a disaster for Devdas, a proper man cajoled into the whims of a prostitute. But, at the same time, such bravery for a woman like Chandramukhi to claim the same rights as any human.

I didn’t care about the outcome for Paro and Devdas anymore at that point. I watched on as the sunrise came closer to see whether Devdas would ever learn to see the great love of Chandramukhi.

Chandramukhi resonates in me. No, I’m not a prostitute nor do I dance for the pleasures of men. But, in a way I do entice the pleasures of men and women with my writing. No, not just my erotica… all of my writing. I love my writing and stand behind its Pag e 1 6

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quality even if it makes me the most selfish woman in this world.

But it is my world, and in my world I’m God. A broken God, but a powerful and strong one.

There’s a slight plot twist with a character that is married into Paro’s aristocratic family. This Kali man, bets with Chandramukhi that if Devdas arrives before the candle burns out, he would leave wearing the token he brought for Chandramukhi, but if Devdas doesn’t come Chandramukhi will dance for Kali and Kali only.

Devdas shows as Chandramukhi reaches for the token. She hears him coming and breaks into a song.

“Maar Dala,” she sings, “I’m dying.” Her heart too aches because Devdas despises her. The song, composition, and lyrics are too apt in describing how it feels to be unloved in return. If you take out all the cultural references, all the religion references, all the little things that make this song specific to the film, specific to dying of happiness… you’re left with the message of Death cradling a broken heart. That’s what I saw and heard that night.

Yeah, the forbidden love between Devdas and Paro is the main reason for the movie. Yeah, it is very sad what happens in the end… but the one sided love that is despised hurts more. I don’t know why it hurts more, as I’ve never been in that situation. But, I know hurt. Hurt sits in your heart filling the void of unrequited love. This is the reason why I couldn’t bring myself to write about love.

I’m a loving person; I’m a writer who transcribes lust into words, and at times truth into sentences. My giving is always one sided. In terms of romance, friendship, and sometimes work. I’m such an unreasonable idealist. I have soft spots in my build, areas that are target to loneliness, pain, and confusion. Giving my all but never receiving what is mine makes me feel like a cheap rejected Page 17

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Chandramukhi.

How easy, how wonderful, it would be if I could go back in time and make different decisions. Or how easy and blissful would it be if I packed my liver with toxins of every nature. After the song “Maar Dala,” Devdas becomes an alcoholic to the point that a single drop of liquor will absolve his fragile existence and bid him death. Devdas takes that last drop in the name of friendship; he feels his end coming and visits Paro. He dies outside her gate without ever saying goodbye.

The evening after watching this movie, I started writing the Valentine’s Day piece, feeling like a cheap rejected Chandramukhi.

It was the first step to breaking the shards of steel around my heart. The film inspired me to open up the wounds, because if anything, I wasn’t anything like Devdas. I wasn’t going to open up the bottle of rum and settle for drunken stupor to forget the real issues in my life. I started with the nearest available emotion, anger. The adrenaline in my body rose to high temperatures. I resorted to cursing. I wandered through old memories and I found one with thorns.

I had a friend once, who told me that the he watches movies because the actors portray the feelings he can never express.

It’s funny that I never talk to him now, and it’s more funny that the first time I felt like a cheap rejected Chandramukhi is with him. Wait, it’s even more funny that I rewrote that experience and emotions without me in it. This helped somewhat as I began writing the fourth and fifth paragraphs of the story “Books and Literature,” as the Valentine’s Day Feature on Salon de Madame Odalys.

I cried, yeah I’m a crybaby. I let the broken edges of my heart rinse in tears while I wrote the first page of the story. I listened Pag e 1 8

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to a song over and over again to numb my senses until I broke free from the “emotional” part of the story and into the “wondrous lovemaking” that is supposed to represent romance in erotica.

Whether, I succeeded in writing a beautiful piece I leave to my readers.

Either way, I succeeded in breaking away the lock of the door that shouldn’t be opened. I resumed my writing… which took me back to searching on Youtube. I’m a link clicker and somehow ended up watching a dance scene from Om Shanti Om. “Dar de disco,” or pain of disco… felt really good. It blends electronica and pain really well. I found a couple of clips that soothed the raw pain around my senses.

The mixture of beautiful women dancing beautifully choreographed songs helped cheer me up. But not really, the open wound bled through the cheap euphoria. So, I searched for other cheap euphoria, beautiful men dancing beautifully choreographed songs. That’s when I noticed Shahrukh Khan. I noticed that he couldn’t dance for shit in the song “Dar De Disco.” Well, it was either that or his age showing through his muscles. One doesn’t stay too flexible after a certain age…

Either way, I set off to watch Om Shanti Om with beautiful women and men dancing in mind and Om Shanti Om didn’t let me down.

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P ar t 2

Om Shanti Om Om Shanti Om is not cheap entertainment. It is a wonderful, fun, free spirited, film about a young man who wants to break in as an actor in the booming 1970s Bollywood film industry. I skimmed the Wikipedia article and only retained the first paragraph. This is now a ritual for movies and me. I find that some reviews aren’t really apt descriptions of movies, so I ignore reviews for the most part. Om Shanti Om is the shortest movie of Shahrukh Khan that I’ve seen… and I’ve seen 13.

The movie begins with the infamous black screen, which then centers on a horse-like statue with a voice over actor saying, “Nobody can blow the candle of life which is protected by God Himself.” (Oh my a candle, just like in Devdas.) Then there’s a shooting of a television show and Shahrukh Khan among the crowd of small time actors. His hand is in the air, trying to catch the singing, lead actor’s jacket, and you can see the Om symbol Pag e 2 0

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tattooed on his wrist.

Om, the character that he plays, is a big dreamer. He goes off into a daydream where he is the star. It’s a nice dream that ends at the beginning of the opening song. Poor Om wants to be a superstar and Bollywood hero. After the shoot Om and his friend Pappu discuss Om’s dream. According to Pappu, the only thing stopping him from attaining his dream is his name. If his name wasn’t Om Prakash Makhija he’d probably be a super star like his idol Rajesh Kapoor.

Pappu then states: “Now get rid of this Makhija and try changing your name to ‘Kapoor’ or ‘Khanna,’ then see, how your life takes off in one shot!”

“You’re Right Pappu!” Om, replies and then shakes his head, “I would have changed my name today itself.”

“But?!”

“But you know what Mom will say!” Om, closes his eyes and sticks his fingers into his ears while the scene changes to his mother screaming.

“Noooooo!” Then she dramatically adds, “Oh My Lord! What am I hearing? My darling son wants to change his name! I ask you what is wrong with your name? Om stands for the Lord and Prakash for Light, and..”

“And,” Om replies, “Makhija! Makhija stands for shooing a fly away! I can tolerate ‘Om’ and ‘Prakash’. With a name like Makhija, I will never become a hero! Never!”

Om’s mother reassures him that, yes of course; he will definitely become a hero one day. Because her heart says so. A mother’s heart says so. This brings up a very cool point Om’s father and mother were both junior artistes, and Om’s father died a Junior Artiste.

Om thus runs off to meet his girlfriend over the bridge: Shanti.

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Shanti is an artist who just released a new film. Her picture stands on a billboard over the bridge and Om “talks” to her as if she can reply and understand him. Just like the previous film I watched, this one too follows the story arch of a Mexican Soap Opera (actually, before I get redundant… all the films follow the story arch of a Mexican Soap Opera).

That evening, as Om and Pappu stand outside the ‘red carpet,’ Shanti’s sari latches onto Om’s string bracelet that his mother tied on him to fulfill his wish to meet Shanti. Om then “meets” Shanti as she tries to untangle his bracelet from her. Then, Om and Pappu steal tickets to watch the premier of Shanti’s new film, claiming they’re an actor. Scenes from older Bollywood films are used to form scenes of the ‘movie,’ on screen. As always, Om fantasizes that he’s in the movie as Shanti’s hero. His fantasy is so out of control that Om begins to dance in the movie theater and has to run out because the cops chase him.

Later that evening Om is drunk and describes his dream of being a wealthy, famous film star to Pappu and some local children. He specifically says: “I will stay in style! I will have 15-16 imported cars! 50-60 servants will be around me! I will have a luxurious bedroom, just like the one we see in movies with a round bed! And you know Pappu, as soon as I wake up in the morning before my feet even touch the smooth marble floor a servant will slip velvety slippers under them. The other one will be waiting on me with a silk dressing gown. The third one will be standing there to serve fresh fruit juice.”

This scene reminded me of what I used to say as a freshman in college. I had the notion that I was in the right money-making industry, that if I worked especially hard, I could acquire all the Pag e 2 2

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monetary items my mind required. And! I would be able to enjoy my three meals in the different parts of the globe, something like breakfast in Paris, lunch in New York, and dinner in Texas. That was a good dream. It didn’t last long, but it was a nice dream.

Nowadays, I don’t think of having all the luxuries money can buy; I only think of owning all the luxuries money can’t touch.

I want a house in the middle of nowhere where I can turn my speakers up, where I can walk around outside and be myself, and where I can invite all of my friends who don’t hate each other to spend a weekend, week, or month with me. Also, this house in the middle of nowhere should be near a beach so that I can bask in the sun and listen to the sweet ocean. It’s the same dream; different perspective.

After Om finishes with his dream, Pappu reassures him that yes he will win best actor but for now he wins this “Bottle Award.” To which Om also recites a speech for receiving the “Bottle Award,” from Pappu. Later, at the filming of a new movie Shanti is acting, there’s a fire scene where the hero of the film refuses to jump across the fire to rescue her. Om sees that no one is going to rescue her and rushes to her aid. He saves her in the name of love, even though he receives major burns to his back.

Om finally gets to meet her; she thanks him for saving her, and departs. Afterward he meets her again, he asks for a “dinner,” where they have a wonderful time. At the end of the dinner, Om convinces her to tell her “love,” how much she feels for him. The next day Om discovers that Shanti is married and pregnant.

He’s heartbroken, to say the least and can’t even concentrate on his work. In the scene after that Om overhears Shanti’s husband showing Shanti the set to the “Om Shanti Om,” film that they’re working on. However, instead of a happy ending, Shanti’s husband Page 23

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locks Shanti in the set after he lights it on fire. Om tries to rescue her but a band of bullies who work for Shanti’s husband attack him.

After losing to the bullies, Om jumps into the burning building but he is unable to save Shanti. An explosion throws him onto the road where Rajesh Kapoor runs him over on the way to the hospital. At the hospital, Om dies and at the same time Rajesh’s son is born.

But, it’s not just his son… it is Om being reborn. Om is given a second chance and becomes the movie hero he wanted to be in his previous life. The rest of the movie deals with Om Kapoor… Om’s reborn self with a scar on the wrist that had the Om symbol and a phobia against fire. Somehow, the new Om revives the memories of the old Om and it’s like he had a 30 year break in life. In the second half of the film, Om’s goal is to bring justice to Shanti’s death. Which, he does in a very peculiar way with the help of his mother and old friend Pappu.

In short, the movie is fun, sweet, and free spirited with a couple of plot twists and unexpected moments. I spent most of the time waiting for the next song, and trying not to laugh/cringe at the silly and dumb moments. Like the moment before the Dar de Disco, the pain of disco, where Om dances alongside item girls in “hot” or “exotic” choreographies. All through the song, I stared at him, not with a lustful eye… but a curious eye.

Who is this guy? I asked myself. Can he really dance? I continued.

Wow, I bet that water scene with the droplets forming a stream down his abs really works on women. Wait a minute, I wrote a similar scene in one of my stories. This guy must be a really big star or something, I wonder what’s up with his dancing. God knows if he can sing, too. He probably can’t.

The entire Dar-de-disco dance sequence doesn’t fit the remaining dances in the film at all. It truly is the “item song” of Pag e 2 4

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the film. But, it satisfied the beautiful women and men dancing beautiful choreographies criteria. This happens again in the second most popular song of the film, “Deewangi Deewangi.” By this time though, I’m interested in more than just his dancing. I wanted to see what other movies he had, I wanted to know if his dancing ever got better, and if his acting varied so much. Also, I guess I had a small crush on him. Very small.

The day after I finished watching Om Shanti Om I discussed Shahrukh Khan with my youngest sister. Lately, I talk to her about my newest story ideas, her story ideas, the anime we watch together, and little things like my inability to remember things. Like one time, and she always jokes about it, I exclaimed “I’m hungry.” So, I walked over to the kitchen, stood in front of the closed refrigerator door for a couple of seconds, opened the refrigerator door, my eyes roamed the contents of the refrigerator, I closed the door and walked away from the refrigerator proclaiming, “I’m hungry.”

Yeah, I do dumb things as well as forget things. I know my youngest sister understands me (or tries to make fun of me) but some people really flip a shit when they encounter my half-dazed expression that says: “Shit, I forgot. Let’s try again?” Anyways, I discussed Shahrukh Khan with my younger sister, but I couldn’t really pronounce his name. So, I referred to him as “that guy.”

I showed my sister a couple of clips of him dancing and she just shook her head while I smiled on the inside at the clumsy dancing.

It turns out that yes, Shahrukh Khan did dance well in his youth, notably before the 2000s at the start of his career. What happened after that? Well, who really knows I don’t. But, if you watch his documentary/biogrpahical film and it explains what happened to his dancing skills let me know!

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There’s a special art to dancing and I used to be acquainted with its secrets. Following the movements to the direction of a choreographer only gets one so far. It’s almost like all creative outlets… you have to be born with the dancing bone. Or, pretend to have the dancing bone. Watching Om Shanti Om and all the beautiful dancing reminded me of my dusty dancing shoes.

I quit dancing my freshman year in high school. I was never a professional dancer, I never learned the names of all the moves, I didn’t dance in public, nor did I ever dance for anyone but myself.

Dancing was the tissue that connected my sanity in place while my muse and my neurotic teenage self burned my sanity. Dancing was the outlet in which my semi-flexible younger self connected with God, with the divine, and the energy of the universe.

It made me smile. It made me forget and ignore all the anger, all the arguments, all the bullying, all the worldy nuisances that drove me mad. But, my happiness wasn’t relative to my status in my household. A Mexican woman takes care of the household until her body holds no energy and even after then, if the woman collapses then she’s not a woman at all. That’s what I gathered from my grandmother. Using her as an excuse I quit dancing. I quit the one thing that made me smile. I do a lot of dumb things. But, maybe now that eight years have passed I can appease my dancing shoes.

I put them on the day I wrote this piece for two minutes until I noticed my youngest sister watching me. Those were some pretty two minutes. I stood in front of the large television and watched my blurred reflection on the black LCD screen. My fuchsia shirt and navy blue pants danced in front of me as I began with the simplest merengue steps. One, two, one two, my out of practice feet succumbed to the floor. One, two, three, one-two, three my hips laughed at the air around me.

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The slow, riveting, energy transformed from its potential stage to kinetic matter after eight counts and my smile returned. It was shy but it grinned as madly as Om’s did in the film. For two minutes, my fingers grazed upon my former self ’s happiness. This is the core of my love affair with Shahruhkh Khan… it’s a tale of love for life and the scars that motivate me to keep surviving. I can’t claim to know why he inspired me, or what took over me as I watched the rest of the 10 films.

I want to guess that somewhere in my mind he inspired me because our hearts are both loving and steel. But, I don’t know for sure. Like a fan I searched on Youtube for a couple more of his movies. This lead to the third movie Don – The Chase Begins, Again and to a week of Shahrukh Khan films.

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P ar t 3

Don – The Chase Begins , A gain I had to take a short break from watching movies to finish a magazine layout and as soon as I was done, I went back to Youtube to find videos of people dancing, all to try to revive my dancing shoes. I found two of the songs from Don – The Chase Begins (which I will refer to as Don) on Youtube and decided to find the movie.

The first version of the movie promised English subtitles but didn’t promise “accurate,” subtitles. It was after midnight and I decided to take the bait. The movie begins in Paris where Don is delivering a briefcase with ‘merchandise’ to TJ, a mafia-typeperson, behind the ballerina’s practice room. Don has to go through ‘security,’ before entering the room where he’s to deliver the briefcase. As he’s being searched, Don hands the security man his glasses case, the man opens the case, and Don places his glasses in the case. Don then leans forward and says real low to the man, “Keep it.”

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He says it with such power, and such unwavering personality that it’s amazing. For the first time in my 23 short years of existence, I became a fan of an actor. Well, as much of a fan that I could ever be: squealing, infatuated, and dreaming of him.

Somehow, and without warning my synapses responded to him.

It’s embarrassing to admit, really funny to think about, and at the same time it’s exciting. In that moment, Shahrukh Khan joined the long list of men to inspire my writing.

Well, back to the scene in Paris. Don is threatened with a gun by TJ, but Don fights back, kicks butt, and sets off a bomb installed in the glasses case in the shirt pocket of the security guard. Don fights off the ‘bad’ guys until he holds TJ down with a gun. TJ pleads for his life but Don responds: “Not only is it difficult to catch Don, it’s impossible,” and kills TJ. We see the opening credits immediately after the scene. They’re a mix of The Matrix, CGI, and Adobe After Effects (well could have been Final Cut, but I’m not so versed.) I think the credits are more geared towards a story where the “bad guy” is caught… like CSI or Law and Order. However, I really like the character Don, because he’s so serious, so deadly, and he’s the stereotypical heartless gangster. Kind of like the gangsters my friends and I aspired to be as children.

In the scene that follows there’s a round table of officials and a cop who want to capture Don. The cop fills in the round table and the viewers of the history of the current drug ring. This leads to the disclosure of their “informant,” who unfortunately is uncovered

by Don as a traitor. Don uncovers the informant by swinging a golf ball into the informant’s head and killing him.

Don then kills another man, which proves that he’s ruthless, dangerous, and heartless. The man that he kills had a fiancée. The Page 29

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fiancée, Kamini, meets the cop at the police station and the cop convinces her to help them track Don. Kamini agrees and meets Don at a club. From there, Kamini follows Don to a hotel where she dances around him to buy time for the cop. Unfortunately, for Kamini, Don uses her as a shield to get away from the cops and leaves her dead body between the closing elevator doors.

Well, the story continues and Don has to deliver another briefcase. This time, though, the police are “on to him” and there is an epic car chase through the beach and jungle area. Don winds up seriously injured, the cop captures him, and takes him to a hospital. At the hospital, the cop catches up with a “lookalike” man named Vijay (also played by Shahrukh Khan) and trains Vijay to be ‘Don’ and infiltrate the gang. Vijay is supposed to have forgotten his memory and act as Don, but then it is believed that the real Don dies. So the plot thickens… kind of left me thinking “what the hell?” for the rest of the movie.

Then, the police move ‘Don’ (Vijay who is pretending to be Don with missing memories) and Don’s gang kidnaps ‘Don.’ The gang works hard to make ‘Don’ remember, and it’s not until another epic car chase where ‘Don,’ remembers everything. The scene is really cool. Just imagine an imposter telling a whole bunch of gang members that he knows their deepest and darkest secrets…

“It was like this the other day too.” ‘Don’ says to the crowd of gang members. “I was in my car and the police were chasing me.

They were shooting at me. And then I; I remember everything.”

‘Don,’ even goes on to say in a cool, sinister manner “I really enjoyed killing them all,” in reference to the men he killed recently.

So they celebrate, and then there’s more drug dealing, there’s shooting, and well it’s really just a movie about a criminal that never gets caught. See, the movie got annoying after Vijay Pag e 3 0

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“supposedly” remembers everything. After that, Vijay (‘Don’) picks up all these Don-fighting techniques. It’s like he became the real Don! Then, he does turn out to be the real Don… and that was just stupid. Like the instances when the real Don acts like Vijay don’t add up. Nothing adds up and it all gets confusing in my head.

Back to my love affair with Shahrukh Khan now, I have a playlist with my favorite Shahrukh Khan songs. This playlist includes songs from Om Shanti Om, Duplicate, Don, Asoka, and Chalte Chalte.

I already discussed the songs from Om Shanti Om so let’s talk about the two gorgeous dance scenes in Don. The first scene occurs when Kamini agrees to help the police and Kamini dances around Don “seductively.” The second scene occurs while the gang celebrates the return of Don’s memories.

At the celebration, there are “dance girls,” dancing in variations of a black mini skirt with bra-like blouses adorned with gold beads. The song speaks of how charming, how dangerous, and how amazing Don is. In a refrain, Don sings: “I bid my life and gamble with death.” Then he takes a cigarette and shoots fire over it. Fire breathing Don! As the song ends, Don shakes the bottle of champagne, sprays champagne on everyone, and the party scene turns wild. Well, PG wild, everyone is dancing on top of everyone and lust-filled promises shine from their eyes.

Both of the songs eventually lit the dusty, twig infested imagination of mine to create a new story for Salon de Madame Odalys. I used the sequence from Kamini’s dance as seduction with the sequence from Don’s wild celebration with what I already had written to create a one-of-a-kind-five-person-act story. Well, I totally changed genders, people’s nationalities, and a lot of other things to form the story but the foundation of “Luna’s Dance” lies with Shahrukh Khan.

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The day after I finished “Luna’s Dance” I went to Wikipedia to find more movies of this gorgeous, great, sexy guy. (That’s how a fan is supposed to talk, I assume.) This led to choosing between watching Chak de India and Swades. I chose Chak de India because it sounded cool. Little did I know how that movie would make me feel.

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Chak de India Chak de India has a happy ending to contrast and outweigh the sad beginning. The film starts at the final match of the Hockey World Cup. The Pakistan men’s national field hockey team is winning 1-0 against the India mens’ hockey team. India’s team captain and hockey superstar Kabir Khan (payed by Shahrukh Khan) elects to take the penalty shot himself. Yet, his strike flies just above the goal and India loses.

As Kabir is kneeling on the sweat soaked grass, his heart heavy with regret and guilt, the captain of the Pakistan team extends his hand to Kabir, Kabir stands up, and accepts the handshake in the spirit of a good game played. This handshake tremendously screws up Kabir’s life. One, Kabir is Muslim (noticeable by the last name Khan). Two, Pakistan and India aren’t the best of friends since the Indian Independence Act of 1947. In the following years and to this day the Muslim and Hindu Indians hate each others’ guts.

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India becomes angry when a photograph of Kabir congratulating the Pakistan team captain hits the media. Kabir is portrayed as a traitor, his exfans light his posters on fire, and Kabir is forced to leave his home along with his mother. Kabir goes into exile for seven years until he returns to coach the Indian woman’s field hockey team. A job no one wants because the role of Indian women is to cook and clean.

Kabir finds himself in charge of 16 women from all different parts of India who are divided by their competitive natures, individual prejudices, and individual goals. Wikipedia sums up the conflict in the following: “One of the youngest players, Komal Chautala (from a village in Haryana) conflicts with Preeti Sabarwal from Chandigarh whom she refers to derisively as “memsaab” while tough girl Balbir Kaur from the Punjab has an extremely short temper that impacts the team. Balbir also bullies Rani Dispotta and Soimoi Kerketa, who are both from remote villages in Jharkhand. Mary Ralte from Mizoram and Molly Zimik from Manipur (in North-East India) are both treated as “foreigners” by virtually everyone they meet and face repeated sexual harassment. The team’s captain, Vidya Sharma, is forced to choose between hockey and the wishes of her husband’s family, while Preeti’s boyfriend, the vice captain of the India national cricket team, Abimanyu Singh, is deeply threatened by her involvement with the team.”

Kabir’s character isn’t portrayed to go through realizations or changes, he’s pretty much flat. It also seems like he “knows” things. This, in my opinion is a really cool character to be. The first half of the film deals with Kabir trying to unite the team as one. He starts by enforcing strict practices and rules, then benching the players who don’t follow his rules, and finally he Pag e 3 4

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changes the girls’ sleeping arrangements.

The girls unite against him after a long and hard practice. They sign a petition to ask for a new coach. Now, since Kabir knows things, he knew this would happen and he just nods and smiles. He then proclaims that he quits and that before he quits he would like to take the staff to lunch. Also, he states that the team is invited.

At lunch, a McDonalds, Mizoram and Molly are harassed (yet again) and Balbir slaps the harassers. All of a sudden, the Indian woman’s hockey team is fighting a bunch of oafish Indian males.

They literally unite against men who believe that women should only stay home to cook and clean. The staff attempts to stop them but, Kabir knows that the girls need the experience to become one against a common enemy.

It’s truly the best girl-empowerment scene I’ve ever seen.

There’s all out kicking and punching, name calling, chair throwing, and scratching. Kabir only intervenes when one of the oafs tries to hit a girl from behind. Pretty heroic, huh. After this little fight, the girls come together and ask Kabir to coach them.

Then there is the intermission. Remember how I said that most of his movies are around three hours long? Well, that’s probably the reason why there’s an intermission.

Chak de India isn’t a movie about women playing sports. Chak de India is a movie about women gaining equal recognition from men.

Slowly, women all over the world are fighting for their rights as equal citizens next to men and that’s definitely portrayed in Chak de India. After practice resumes Kabir urges the hockey officials to send the women’s team to Austraila for The World Championship, but instead of agreeing the hockey officials settle for match between the men’s and women’s hockey team.

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lose the first half of the match. Kabir then gives them a motivational pep talk during the halftime break. Also, during this break one of the officials talks to the girls.

“Should we stop if you’ve had enough Mr. Kabir?” the official exclaims. “Or do you still want to play?”

“The match isn’t over yet.” Kabir responds and places his hands on his hips.

“Your girls could not even reach the boys’ half. You cannot expect anything from them.”

“What..” Krishnaji, raises her voice and takes a step forward.

“Well,” Kabir interjects and puts his hand in front Krishnaji.

“He’s right Krishnaji.”

“We always said it,” the official continues, “These are good old fashioned Indian girls. How will they run around in shorts and miniskirts?”

“Yes,” Kabir chimes in, “Mr. Yadav, tell them like it is.”

“What can you do?” the official continues, “You will fall flat on your faces, you’ll see!” He walks away and one of the girls drops hockey sticks in his path for him to trip.

This interlude motivates the girls to score against the men’s team. They unite once more to face their enemy, yet they still don’t win the game. However, the men’s team congratulates the girls and the hockey officials agree to send them to the World Championship. This is epic, heartwarming, and brought small tears to my eyes. There’s an undeniable beautiful shot of the girls holding their hockey sticks, their faces scratched to bits, and their bodies tired and yet they’re standing tall like proud women who proved to themselves and a part of the country that women can fight on the same equal terms with men.

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Championship where each of the girls use their specific talents to beat team after team and finally the World Championship. At the end of the film, Kabir returns with his mother to his old home and is welcomed by the community that originally ostracized him seven years ago. Like I said: a happy ending.

This marked a turn in my relationship as the viewer. I had an argument with my older sister the day before watching Chak de India about my role in the family. There’s an ancient hierarchy in my family and in most Mexican families. At the top there’s the father. The father works for his wife and children and thus must be worshipped. Then there’s the mother. The mother’s place is to enforce the rules of the father. At the bottom, there are the children. Children then assume a hierarchy based on age.

The oldest sibling has complete authority over the younger and the younger has complete authority over the youngest. My mother is on the top in my family hierarchy after that is my older half sister. My two younger sisters and I are at the bottom.

Technically, we’ve never considered my older sister as a half sister but there’s always been a chasm between her and me. Also, because Tori (she’s three years younger than me) is away at college she stands underneath my older sister. Thus, my youngest sister and I share the bottom.

The ideal family, in my head, consists of a helping hierarchy. An establishment where the individuals involved inspire and motivate each other instead of constantly put down each other. But, the relationship between my older sister and me is not like that. I had never realized that it takes 100 people to compliment you for you to feel better, but it only takes one person to shoot you down.

It’s a long fall when you’re the go-to-person of the family… when you’re the person responsible for the housework, the person Page 37

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responsible to remember the schedules of your mom and sisters, and the person who has bigger dreams. The film made me realize that having a dream is not good enough. What good is it to have a dream of building a long-lasting publishing company when the company doesn’t make money to pay bills‌ I asked myself.

At the same time, I convinced myself that if only I had become a proper Mexican woman, then I would be happy. I would take all the responsibilities and be happy in my existence. I had a choice back then and I have a choice now. I can float around in a bubble made of me and my stubborn ideals or I can just stop fighting the current. I can just do everything that my older sister expects of me. Ironically, it means that since I work the less I have to keep the house clean, the meals cooked, and the members of the home happy.

With all that in mind, and immediately after watching Chak de India, I pressed play on the next movie, Swades.

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P ar t 5 swades

I sat morally disillusioned and mentally rejected while watching Swades. Swades begins in the United States with Mohan Bhargava (played by Shahrukh Khan) a Non-Resident Indian who works at NASA as project manager. The first scene shows Mohan and his team discussing the new satellite project. The scene changes to Mohan sobbing and reminiscing over his old nanny, Kaveri.

In Mohan’s words, Kaveri was like a mother to him. He goes on to say: “I was the only child. My parents brought me up with a lot of love, they provided me with everything. But, along with them Kaveriamma too had a special place in my life. My mother would make my breakfast, while Kaveriamma would feed me. My parents tucked me into bed, while Kaveriamma sang me a lullaby. From the age of two to seventeen she looked after me completely.”

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Vinod, Mohan asks for a two-week vacation. Mohan is granted the two-week vacation and makes his way to India where he meets an assortment of characters. It turns out that Kaveri lives in Charanpur with Gita, the village schoolteacher. Mohan’s discomfort with the underdeveloped living conditions of Charanpur is evident in the way that he carries bottled water everywhere. He also sleeps in an RV and keeps out of daily village activities.

While adapting to the village Mohan encounters the “hard truths” about living in India such as poverty, caste discrimination, child marriage, illiteracy, and a general disregard education. At the end of his two weeks, Mohan realizes that he can’t leave with Kaveri until Gita is married and her school has filled its quota of enrolled students. Mohan then walks around the village vouching for education and winning over the villagers to enroll their children to the local school. Gita begins to respect him for his efforts in helping with the school.

Kaveri notices that there’s a small bond between Gita and Mohan and she devices a plan to show Mohan the value of his homeland so that he can stay with Kaveri and Gita. Thus, Kaveri sends him away to Kodis, another village, to collect rent from Haridas, a farmer who rents land from Gita. Along the 18-hour journey, Mohan realizes that the same problems from Charanpur plague other villages in the country. However, the real bonecrusher occurs when Mohan meets Haridas.

Haridas has no money to feed his family because the villagers won’t support his attempt to change occupation from weaving to farming. Before leaving back to Charanpur, Mohan gives money to Haridas, to help feed his family and start anew. Mohan returns to Charanpur upset and determined to create change. He enlists the help of the villagers and guides them through building a reservoir Pag e 4 0

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to generate electricity for the villagers.

After five weeks, Mohan has to return to the US to complete the final stages of his NASA project. Unfortunately, Kaveri and Gita (who he fell in love with) both refuse to go with him to the US. Mohan returns to the US, finishes the project, and resigns.

I didn’t finish watching the entire movie that night. I resumed the next afternoon as my mother sat on the couch watching television. I could only sit and cry.

“What are you doing?” She asked me.

“Just watching a movie,” I replied the tears making half the vowels sound like shrieks.

“What movie?” She persisted.

“Just a movie.” I replied and leaned my head forward to the laptop screen.

I didn’t know this movie would really hit me. I wasn’t aware that I was so emotionally vulnerable because of the argument with my sister. Well, because of everything that happened this past year.

The movie peeled off some dust in my memories as a teenager, the memories that I quickly discarded as a child.

When I was in fifth grade, my mother decided that we were going on an adventure. She made us pack our bags, told us to be on our best behavior, and then told us that we’re going to visit our grandparents from our dad’s side. I thought she was nuts… I still think she’s nuts. Going to visit my grandparents didn’t add up. My short history with my father back then could be summarized as: 1) Dad left Mom/Mom kicked him out.

2) Mom found Dad somehow while I was in 3rd grade and all of a sudden, I am aware of his new family.

3) Out of the blue Mom decides that we’re going to visit Dad’s parents.

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I had no idea who these strangers were. I couldn’t even imagine what they looked like (probably brown like me and my dad), and I didn’t know if I could trust them. I didn’t trust grownups in fifth grade and I wasn’t going to trust some grandparents I had never met before. Well, this isn’t the story of the history of when Mom decides to go on an adventure. So, Mom, my younger sisters, and I are all on a bus on the way to a city somewhere in Mexico.

We arrive in Ciudad Mante and with the grace of the universe wind up at the temple my grandparents go to. From there we take a taxicab to my grandparent’s cabin… It’s a wood-like home with two bedrooms and a kitchen, the rooms sit sort of like a trailer in a row. My grandparents had no indoor plumbing and a small electricity network that lit up the kitchen and half of the “master bedroom.”

I felt sad the first time I met my grandmother. It was like touching a beautiful soul with dirty hands. She looked at my pudgy face, put her hands around my cheeks, and exclaimed my older sister’s name.

“No, ma.” My mother replied, “it’s Sarai.”

My grandmother then looked into my eyes and exclaimed, “Sarai!” I think she’s the only person who has ever said my name right. I’m not talking about pronunciation, because any person who speaks decent Spanish and or tries really hard can pronounce the three syllables. No, my grandmother Reyna said my name with love. Grandmother Reyna didn’t expect for me to contribute to help with dinner, she didn’t expect for me make a ton of money to keep her in comfort, and she didn’t expect for me to be obedient.

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mother’s side. They’re nuts in comparison to Grandmother Reyna, well the whole world is nuts compared to her love.

That evening we had a homemade Mexican meal cooked in a makeshift-fireplace outside held by old dusty bricks. That night I met my grandfather, and a slew of uncles and aunts I had never heard of. The day after, I think, Grandmother Reyna, my uncle and aunt, my mom and my sisters, and I took the local transit to the edge of town. Then, we walked for a really long time across barren land with lots of dirt. We then crossed a bridge over what appeared to be a sewerage stream.

It smelled just as bad. There we met my great-grandmother Dolores. She stood in her one-room wooden shack, underneath the one light bulb (just like Dadi Setu in the movie), and prepared coffee for us. Her frail skin and bony structure stood in crystal contrast to my pudgy and bloated self. She, too, spoke to us with love. Old, old love from a person who’s lived through many hardships and many years but never stopped loving. They had no modern luxuries yet they loved and lived.

I am the first granddaughter living in the United States. I am the first daughter, of Grandmother Reyna’s first son. Expectations can’t be any higher. See, unlike Mohan, or just like Mohan depending on which side of the fence you sit, my duty is to return to my people and slowly build a better life for all of us. That is the path that my grandmothers set for me with their hardship and their love.

That’s also how I justify my constant need to claim all responsibility. It’s why I have to be the best, why I have to be the just one, the smart one, the harder-working one, and why I have to be perfect. Because, I can’t be my grandmothers’ granddaughter or my family’s “Sarai,” with all the little imperfections I currently Page 43

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have. I can be my alias that I’ve created, though. I can be Sopphey Vance to the world.

I gave my love affair with Shahrukh Khan a break for a night. I had too much heartache on my mind and frankly, I couldn’t enjoy the films. I resumed my love affair on Monday, February 21, 2011 early in the evening after dinner with Maya Memsaab. I figured that this movie would be a change of pace, and well I figured wrong for other reasons.

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Maya Memsaab Something in the bottom of my heart told me to watch Maya Memsaab. I wanted to watch it even after reading the confusing Wikipedia synopsis. Maya Memsaab is based on Gustave Flaubert’s novel Madame Bovary. I never read the book, but I did see the film so I had a general idea of what Maya Memsaab would be about. I did a preliminary search on Google, I typed in “Maya Memsaab,” and hit enter. The third listing surprised me and made me laugh; it reads, “Maya Memsaab – Video” with the description “Good Sex scene.”

Curiosity took the best of me and I wound up at Meta Café, a website notorious for hosting “adult” entertainment as well as regular videos like on Youtube. I click it, my headphones are resting on the laptop, and I’m caught looking at a two minute clip of “passionate love-making.” It’s actually the most hilarious scene, and maybe since I’m desensitized it wasn’t even “sexy.” I watched Page 45

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half of the movie that day and the rest the day I wrote this part (FYI the “scandalous sex scene occurs toward the end of the movie).

The story Maya Memsaab, is the story of beautiful and young Maya who has a mind full of dreams and body of desires. One night, her father falls down the stairs, breaks his leg, and a young country doctor visits to treat him. Love then blossoms between the meek doctor and Maya and they marry. Initially, the excitement of a new life, of redecorating, and discovering “togetherness,” gives Maya a false sense of euphoria and completeness.

However, the boredom of small-town existence bores Maya and she retreats to the stories in the books she reads, and the ideals in her head. Just like in Madame Bovary, Maya resorts to frivolities, glamour, and a life of romance and passion to fulfill her needs. She has an affair with several men while at the same time spending every dime her husband earns on clothes and household luxuries.

Also, just like in Madame Bovary, Maya meets a wall of debt and the court auctions her house. However, in this version Maya “magically disappears,” into light, leaving her clothes behind.

It’s actually very creepy. See, “Maya” is translated as illusion, so the ending is supposed to give you the feeling that the character Maya was nothing but an illusion. So, technically the film should translate to “Lady Illusion,” but Wikipedia says that the film is also known as “Maya and Maya: The Enchanting Illusion” in English. Ah.. language is so silly.

Overall, the film didn’t inspire me, move me, or make me think.

But, since I am writing about my love affair with Shahrukh Khan and I do have a couple of pages to fill… I’m going talk about my fickle emotions for this wonderful actor. In my lustful eyes, I think men and women really fill into their potential in their thirties.

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Now, that’s a bold statement as I’m still quite young and I haven’t met all the thirty something year olds in the world, but it’s almost true.

If I calculated the median age of the men and women my lustful eyes have fallen for… I’d say they were mostly in their 30s. There’s something magical about that age. It’s almost like the cycle of life starts off with infancy, falls into childhood, jumps into adolescence, and then staggers into early adulthood. I think that out of all the different time periods, early adulthood is the scariest, hardest, and most interesting time of our lives.

Well, it just proves that I only like Shahrukh Khan in movies produced after 1998. Because, that’s when I feel that he really stepped into his shoes as an “adult.” Coincidentally, 1998 marks his first year as a father so maybe fatherhood aged him beautiful. Just kidding. Coincidentally, though, this leads us to Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna where Shahrukh Khan plays the world’s best father.

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Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna First, this movie made me cry a lot. Second, this movie has a great cast. Third, this movie has ridiculously hilarious moments and incredibly sad moments mixed in really well. Lastly, this is a wonderful unconventional tragedy-romance film. Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna is unconventional because it features the love affair of Dev (Shahrukh Khan) and Maya. (Another Maya!) The film starts out with a sports scene just like in Chak de India, however instead of hockey it’s soccer (aka for the rest of the world football).

In the beginning, Dev is a successful soccer player married to Rhea, his college friend and super-hard-working woman. The beginning switches between scenes from Dev’s soccer match and Rhea’s job interview with a fashion magazine. At the same time, the beginning switches between scenes with Maya’s dressing room and Rishi’s after-party hangover. I could tell this movie had some tragedy to it. It’s clear in the way Maya stares at her reflection Pag e 4 8

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and moves her engagement ring around. It’s also clear in Rhea’s interview: “Yes,” Rhea says at her interview with confidence in her smile.

“I’m married and I have a son. And just to make it clear, I keep my personal life and professional life separate.”

“That’s all very well Mrs. Saran…” responds Jai, the magazine representative. “But our fashion magazine needs a lot of time…”

“Your magazine does not need time. It needs me.”

At the same time, Dev scores the championship goal and he’s extremely happy. He’s the happiest man alive in that scene. The scene then changes to Sam, Rishi’s over-sexual philandering father, and Rishi getting ready for the wedding. Scene change again, Rhea calls Dev while Dev is celebrating his victory.

“Dev I got the job!”

“What?” Dev says as he walks into the locker room.

“I got the job!”

“Wow! That’s amazing. You got the job! Guys,” Dev turns around to his excited comrades, “Rhea got the job!”

“What is this noise?” Rhea speaks into the phone, her eyebrows drawn in, as she walks down the street. “I can’t hear a thing..”

“Nothing. Nothing at all. Just a small match that we won.”

“Oh yeah! The match... of course. I’m so sorry. I forgot completely.”

“Rhea, I’m your husband. Just don’t forget that.” Dev replies jokingly.

“Shut up, Dev. And congratulations baby!”

Rhea proceeds to ask him about the match. Dev replies with a short list of details and then reproaches her that she should have attended. She accepts that she should but then reminds him that she had an interview, which of course is just as important as his Page 49

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match.

“I know sweetheart,” Dev sneers. “I know. You know what. We’ll fix up the next match after checking with your busy schedule.”

“Dev…” “And if you have the time to just have a look at my five million dollar contract.”

“Five million dollars!?”

“Why? Jealous? That now I earn more than you?”

“Not jealous baby. Happy. Happy that your dream has come true.”

“Our dream,” Dev corrects her, “Rhea.”

“Yeah, I know.” She continues and tells him that she’ll be picking up Arjun, their son, from school and that Dev should pick up Kamal, his mom, from the wedding. Dev puts in one more phrase about how ‘forgetful,’ she is, she wishes him happy anniversary, and the scene changes to Maya’s and Rishi’s wedding.

This is where the characters meet each other. First, Sam and Kamal meet. Then, Dev finds Maya sitting on a bench and they connect. Kind of like falling in step with a stranger in a new place and knowing you’ll be safe because you’re alike. Instead of leaving Maya alone Dev decides to converse with her and sit on the bench.

He counsels her on life, love, and well marriage. He tells and hints to her about his ‘marriage,’ and convinces her to marry Rishi. It’s really a great exchange. Maya is not so nice to Dev and Dev is not so mean to her. It’s like watching best friends talk about their opposing views.

It was around 9 or 10 in the evening when I watched the film and I sat there fully awake, absorbing the little philosophical tidbits from the exchange. Phrases like, “What can be better than spending your entire life with your friend?” Also, “The sagas of Pag e 5 0

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everlasting romances have long gone past. Just learn to make do with tiny love stories.” Both of these quotes represent my “real” point of view on love and romantic relationships. I do believe in true love, love at first sight, and everlasting love; but I also believe that this kind of love doesn’t happen to everyone.

I see many of my friends, as well as myself, face love and pain repeatedly because the person they choose to love isn’t the “right one.” It’s a constant cycle of pain and pain and it sucks. Tiny love stories don’t work, they’re pointless, and fill your life with meaningless euphoria. Tiny love stories drift away on a rainy day while you clutch to your heart thinking, “why, why, why.”

Anyways, at the end of the exchange Dev says goodbye to Maya.

But, Maya responds, “Not goodbye. Goodbye kills the hope of meeting again. And who knows, we may meet again.” Then, there’s the magical parting. Maya walks toward her wedding and Dev walks toward his future. They both look back to see if the other is truly leaving. Maya makes it safely to her wedding while a car hits Dev and leaves him crippled. There goes $5 million dollars, there goes Dev’s future, and there goes the first Incredibly Sad Moment of the film.

Losing your future is freaking sad. Four years go by, Rhea becomes wealthy, successful, and the head of the household.

Dev becomes mean, angry, obsessed with is failure, and utterly dismayed with himself. Rhea’s success becomes Dev’s personal landmine around his heart. Maya’s marriage life isn’t going too well either. Maya doesn’t love Rishi and lives with the guilt of being infertile.

Maya and Dev meet again at the train station. Dev is the best father in the world, and literally scares his son. See, the Dolphins, the children soccer team Dev coaches, lost badly. Dev is more than Page 51

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upset that Arjun refuses to play soccer and would rather play the violin. Of course, Dev being the stereotypical mean dad takes all this out on his son… in public.

Dev specifically tells him, “I’m going to cut you into tiny pieces and put them in a Jamba juice mix. I like children’s Jamba juice.

Shut up! Idiot! Are we going to stand here all day? Come with me now and don’t you dare get lost again. Come.”

Dev says all this while there’s the rumor of “Black Beast” a dangerous criminal who kidnapped several children from Central Park. Maya hears Dev talking to Arjun and immediately reacts as a schoolteacher and tries to stop the “Black Beast,” from taking another child. In the confusion, Maya steals Arjun and Dev confuses Maya for the “Black Beast.”

Both Maya and Dev wind up at the hospital and both Rishi and Rhea have to pick up their respective spouses. While at the hospital though, Dev is mistaken for the “trauma patient,” and is sedated. It’s like watching two best friends again when Maya and Dev finally meet in the hospital room. Maya complains about her sprain, Dev complains about his crippled fate, Maya blames Dev for marrying Rishi, and they discuss whether the marriage is a “good or bad thing.” Then, Dev asks, “are you happy?” and Maya throws the question back into his face.

Dev is just a jerk. It’s like taking my jerk personality and painting Shahrukh Khan. I immediately connected with Dev and that felt sad. Seriously, who likes to connect to the mean characters in a film? I don’t. But, even if Dev is a jerk he says something really important in that scene: “…Are you able to fill your emptiness with all this? Because your life is empty, incomplete. It shows in your eyes. Just like mine.”

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Yeah, Dev has it right. It really does show in our eyes.

Everything shows, not just that freaking huge emptiness of a void.

It’s really hard to fill that void. But, we try or pretend to try. We fill this void with cheap euphoria, tiny love stories, movies, and books. We fill it by writing, singing, religion, and all other sorts of things. This void is a psychological and philosophical entity filling us. This is the reason why I kept watching Shahrukh Khan films.

This is the reason why this movie really moved me. I cried at every heart-clutching moment.

I cried for Rishi’s pain (when your love isn’t returned), for Rhea’s pain (when your love is a jerk), for Maya’s pain (when you’re married to a man you don’t love but he loves you to the end of time), and for Dev’s pain (when even love isn’t enough to fill the void you have created). Another way to describe Dev’s pain (in the words of Maya): “Your life is empty and your dreams unfilled.

That’s why you keep searching for the same in others’ lives. You are an unhappy man and will always be.”

After this, Dev and Maya realize that they’re in similar situations and they help repair their breaking marriages. Things don’t do so well and a bond forms as they regroup. At the same time Rishi and Rhea cling to every hint that their marriages can be saved. But, Maya and Dev fall in love. In the midst of their trying to “repair their marriages,” Maya and Dev deceive Rishi and Rhea into thinking that their marriages can be saved.

They’re found out and divorces happen left and right; then, Maya and Dev separate. Then, there’s this epic crying moment, an epic death in the family, and an epic moving away to another state scene. Yes, this is the short version. Read more on Wikipedia or watch the movie, it’s worth it. There’s a lot of incredibly sad moments, though, so if you watch it be prepared. Also, in the midst Page 53

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of incredibly sad moments there is this deep and saddening music that the jerk better half of me cried “haha, loser!”

In the end there’s more crying moments but Maya, Dev, Rishi, and Rhea find happiness. So, it has a happy ending. I’m not sure about the Hollywood film industry, but the same circle of actors appear in Shahrukh Khan films. I didn’t know at the time that Amitabh Bachchan played the part as Sam while his son played Rishi. I was extremely excited though, because Amitabh Bachchan played Tiger, a young and reckless man, in Hum and Hum is probably the first Bollywood movie I actually wanted to see.

It’s really great because I see Shahrukh Khan becoming a respected actor like Amitabh Bachchan. I mean, right now Amitabh is playing older-gentleman roles and I really think Shahrukh will do that in 10-15 years from now. That is, if the rumors about Shahrukh’s sexuality, philandering, ego, and all the others don’t destroy his career. They probably won’t, but you never know in this world.

I dried my tears and cued up Kuch Kuch Hota Hai… which translates to “something happens,” and yeah; something totally happened.

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Kuch Kuch Hota Hai Wikipedia says this movie is a romance comedy. Well, considering it made me teary I’m guessing something went wrong with me. Kuch Kuch Hota Hai is a story about true love between best friends. The story starts out in the past with the voice of Tina, saying, “Hey Rahul, want to be friends?” Followed by this are scenes of Rahul and Tina happily in love and Tina has a child.

At the hospital though, Tina dies and leaves behind eight letters for her daughter to read. Tina’s last dying wish is for Rahul to name their daughter Anjali.

No, that’s not a freaking sad way to start a movie. Not at all.

The movie doesn’t give you a break to dry your tears at all, it quickly sends you to eight years into the present with Rahul and his daughter Anjali (referred to as young Anjali).

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because she stops her show because she has to meet her father.

Unfortunately, Rahul is two hours late, but he has bribes like flowers, chocolates, a pink stuffed bear, and a party hat to appease the wrath of young Anjali. Which isn’t that bad because she forgives him.

Then, young Anjali competes in the “Just One Minute Competition,” where she fails to come up with something to say and cries in front of the audience, as her topic is mother. Rahul intervenes for her and says, “A mother is someone who loves us so much that we sometimes can’t understand it. A mother is someone who makes us realize how good we are, there is no one better than us. Her happiness is in our laughter and sorrow in our sorrow. She is someone we can’t live without; she is everything. Only we don’t have her.”

He says all this as he kneels in front of young Anjali and continues, “But we have papa and he is quite nice too. Hm?” he asks and they both nod. “Then you give me a hug.” It’s so touching and yet at the same time it leaves me wondering, who would actually do that for their daughter? Alas, only in movies.

Later, back at Rahul’s house, his mother asks him to consider remarrying for the sake of young Anjali and for his own happiness.

Rahul looks away from her and replies, “Mom we live once, die once, get married once, and we love once. We don’t do these again.” And he says, that even though young Anjali doesn’t have a mother she has something more than he; young Anjali has her mother’s letters.

Young Anjali runs straight for the letter as soon as the clock strikes twelve. She opens it in anticipation, and reads the letter.

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Rahul’s habits. Then, the letter goes into something serious. It reads: “Today I will tell you a story about your father, me, and Anjali.”

The film goes back to the past where everyone wears bright colors to relay the tale. Rahul and the tomboy Anjali are best friends attending St. Xavier’s College. They’re kind of like the top of the food chain and have an interesting dynamic, Rahul is the ‘cool’ dude-skirt-chaser and Anjali is the obnoxious tomboy. Anjali reprimands Rahul for his behavior and Rahul explains to her that he’s only chasing these girls until he finds his true love. He is looking for a girl who makes something happen in his heart. It’s ‘something,’ that can’t be described in words, true love.

Then, Tina, the principal’s daughter, enrolls and disrupts their lives. Rahul instantly falls in love with Tina. Tina is beautiful, feminine, sophisticated, smart, and witty; she’s the opposite of Anjali. Well, Rahul makes a comment about love in class that makes Anjali realize that she loves Rahul. Rahul said, “Love is friendship. If she can’t be my best friend I can’t be in love with her.

Without friendship there is no love.” Thus, a love triangle forms between the three. Anjali attempts to be more like Tina, but the college only laughs at her. Either way, Anjali is motivated to tell Rahul her true feelings but Rahul only confides in Anjali that he’s in love for Tina, leaving Anjali heart broken.

Anjali leaves college all of a sudden despite Rahul’s and Tina’s attempts to convince her to stay. Anjali leaves and neither calls nor writes to Rahul, ever. In the letter, Tina explains to her daughter, young Anjali that if she hadn’t stepped in, Rahul and Anjali would have realized the true potential of their friendship: love. Tina instructs young Anjali to find Anjali and reunite her with Rahul.

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plan to find Anjali.

Meanwhile, Anjali is no longer the tomboy from the past. She is a beautiful, well-groomed woman engaged to marry Aman. And, even though she confesses to her mother that she doesn’t love her fiancé and can only love Rahul, she agrees to marry Aman within the week. Young Anjali begins to pray when she hears of the future wedding and miraculously, her prayers are answered.

Anjali’s wedding is thus postponed to December. Then, young Anjali learns that Anjali will be a dance instructor and a summer camp, so young Anjali begs Rahul to let her attend, but he refuses.

Regardless, Anjali and her grandmother go to the summer camp and Anjali learns of young Anjali’s parents. Rahul misses his daughter and rushes to the summer camp when he hears young Anjali sneeze on the phone.

Anjali and Rahul meet again, their love blossoms, but one thing leads to the other and Anjali decides to marry Aman sooner rather than later. The wedding date arrives and Rahul and young Anjali attend the wedding, all three of them are extremely devastated.

Rahul visits Anjali before the wedding and Anjali gets cold feet.

Aman drags Anjali down the steps, a running joke, but he realizes that he would never be able to make her happy and delivers Anjali to Rahul. Rahul and Anjali then marry and an ecstatic vision of Tina appears to congratulate Young Anjali.

The end, happily ever after… it’s really a sweet movie and really cute. I had to watch half of the movie that night and the other half the next morning. The same thing happened again, my mother asked me, “what are you watching?”

“A movie,” I replied and cried some more. I wasn’t the happiest person alive, then; not that I’m even happier now. But, I stopped ignoring the void after watching Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. It’s like Pag e 5 8

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something happened in my heart. The one-sided-fan-crush on Shahrukh Khan inspired me to change. Because, that’s all you can do when you’re unhappy with yourself.

Change is the hardest thing to do. I decided that I’m way behind on the change thing. Just like I’m so behind on the life thing. I’ve created a perfectly solid bubble around me that heavily filters my emotions, thoughts, and actions. I say only a tenth of the things I should say, I forget almost everything, and all my emotions lay tethered to the bottom of the sea.

I’ve literally spent the last 10 years thinking, “well if I had done this… that wouldn’t have happened. If only I had made wiser decisions. If only I wasn’t so dumb.” I kept digging and digging at a pile of broken memories, hoping to find a perfect piece with no smudges, cracks, or problems. But, no, I wasn’t that lucky. That cycle, really has to stop, and it’s probably going to take me another 10 years to make it stop.

The change began after I finished Kuck Kuch Hota Hai. The next movie directed the change to make me a less selfish and more accepting person that I can be. This leads to Kabhi Kushi Kabhie Gham a story about family.

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Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham The screen changes from the credits to Amitabh Bachchan, he plays Yash (Rahul’s father), in front of a gradient background.

“Why is it that a father is never able to tell his son,” he says as if reciting poetry to a large audience, “how much he loves him? He’s never able to embrace him and say ‘I love you my son’?”

“And the mother?” says Jaya Bachchan, she plays Nandini (Rahul’s mother). “She keeps repeating it, whether her son listens to it or not.”

“But that doesn’t mean a father loves his son any less.”

“No one can fathom the amount of love that a mother has for her son, not even the mother. Because there is no measure for a mother’s love. It’s an emotion that can only be felt, a mother’s emotion. Rahul, my son... my life!”

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the present with Rohan, Rahul’s younger brother. Rohan is in the middle of a game, he’s up to strike the winning goal, and in his head he’s replaying something Rahul told him 10 years earlier: “If you want to be someone in life, if you want to achieve something, if you want to win, always listen to your heart. And if your heart doesn’t give you any answers, close your eyes and think of your parents. And then you will cross all the hurdles. All your problems will vanish; victory will be yours. Only yours.”

Rohan wins the match and returns home for Diwali (festival of lights to signify the triumph of good over evil and attainment of Nirvana). On his way home, Rohan stops to meet his two grandmothers who tell Rohan the complete truth on why Rahul is no longer home. This goes back 10 years, at the celebration of Diwali, where things changed for the family.

See, Yash, like any good wealthy traditional father, believes in keeping traditions and is against love marriages. When Rahul returns home from college, he falls in love with Anjali (Anjali #2!), a poor girl from the Chandi Chowk market region of Delhi.

However, Yash decides to arrange Rahul’s marriage to his friend’s daughter and Rahul’s childhood friend. Rahul is against it, and tells his father that he wants to marry Anjali. Yash pulls the, tradition and family honor card and Rahul apologizes to Yash saying he’ll do anything his father asks of him.

Rahul goes to Anjali to tell her he can’t marry her, but finds that Anjali’s father suddenly died. Moved by knowing that Anjali and Pooja, her younger sister, have no other family he marries Anjali on the spot. Rahul brings Anjali home, enraged Yash disowns him and calls him a good deal of bad things including something along the lines of, “you would do such a thing because you’re adopted!”

This devastates Rahul, Rahul says his goodbyes to Nandini, Page 61

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Nandini asks Sayeeda (Rahul’s and Rohan’s nanny) to accompany Rahul, and Rahul, Anjali, and Pooja leave to London. Then, there’s intermission and since I had also watched Kuch Kuch Hota Hai that night I said “screw that,” and went to bed. Too much heartache before bed isn’t right for the soul, you know.

Especially, because I saw a lot of my grandmother in the way Yash behaves. My grandmother is all about tradition, proper Mexican women, proper occupations for Mexican women, and proper behavior towards adults. Which, I thought was complete bull shit 14 years ago. Now, well now I know better. Being rebellious and considering all adults and children your equal (sort of) makes me odd. Strange, odd, weird and sometimes unliked.

Back to the movie, the second half of the film deals with Rohan’s attempts to reconcile his family. Rohan arrives in London, tracks down Rahul, enrolls at the university where he finds Pooja, and he enlists her to the cause. Rohan learns that Rahul has a business and a son. Pooja tells Rahul and the rest that Rohan is her best friend’s brother from India and needs a place to stay. Rahul grudgingly lets Rohan stay at his home and Rohan becomes a part of the family.

Slowly, Rohan encourages Rahul to go back to India and even convinces Yash and Nandini to visit London. His plan fails, but for an instant Rahul and Nandini share a reconciliation moment with lots of tears, sad music, and well happiness. Yash and Nandini go back to India, Anjali tries to persuade Rahul to reconcile with his father, but Rahul is convinced that his father doesn’t love him and only returns to India for Yash’s mother’s funeral.

It is then that Nandini confronts Yash. “Do you know mother always says that,” she starts, “a husband is God. No matter what he says. No matter what he thinks. He is always right. You brought Pag e 6 2

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Rahul home one day; right. We gave him lots of love; right. He became a part our family. He became my life; right, absolutely right. Then one day he left home and went away. Wrong. You let him leave; wrong. You separated a mother from her child; wrong.

Your family shattered to pieces; wrong. Then how does a husband become God? God can’t do any wrong can he? My husband is just a husband, just a husband; not God.” Rohan finally convinces Rahul to visit Yash, both Rahul and Anjali visit, and Rahul confronts Yash. Yash is standing in front of the fireplace, Nandini is sobbing on Rahuls shoulder, and Yash turns around. Tears are streaming down Yash’s cheek, his eyes are redder than Mars, and his entire soul stands meekly waiting for his son.

Rahul and Yash walk toward each other, while some sad music plays, they meet halfway through the library, Rahul is hesitant, and Yash closes the gap between them.

“You took my words,” Yash says, “so much to heart that you went away. Didn’t even look back once. Didn’t come back even once.

Didn’t come back.”

“Where did you call me back, Papa?”

“Do I have to call you back?” Yash slaps Rahul, “Am I not elder?” He slaps him more, “Did I have to call you back?”

“I thought you didn’t love me.” Rahul holds his cheek, “I thought you didn’t think of me as your son.”

“How could you think that? How could you?” Yash holds his hands up as if carrying a babe, “I brought you into this house for the first time with these hands. You completed our family. You fulfilled all our dreams. How did you think…?”

“I thought you didn’t love me. Didn’t love me.” Rahul barely whispers.

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“I love you very much, my son. Love you very much. Just... just couldn’t say it. In these ten years, I have thought about you every moment every day. I thought of you so much that, I felt like embracing you and telling you how much I love you.” Yash puts his hands around Rahul’s cheeks and removes them. “Just couldn’t say it. Elders’ anger is a part of their love, my son. You took it so much to heart that you got angry and left home...? And I didn’t even call you back.”

“Why would you call me? I should have come on my own.”

“Yes.” “I should have come on my own.”

“Why didn’t you come? Why didn’t you? This is your home.

You are the elder son of the family. You are my son, my son. And now I have grown old my son. I have grown old.” Yash holds his hands together as if praying in front of him and Rahul holds Yash’s hands. “ At least forgive me now. At least forgive me now... At least now.” They both sob and Rahul hugs Yash.

Rohan enters the scene, Yash calls him forward, and the family is now complete. There’s a bit more crying, but it’s happy tears.

The film ends with Pooja’s and Rohan’s wedding and the belated celebration of Rahul’s and Anjali’s wedding.

It’s a sweet family story that reminded me of my own family story. My family and I have gone through some strange situations that I had discarded and locked away. After I watched this film, I remembered “everything.” I remembered everything I had set aside about my family. The little things like, my father swears worst than a sailor, but only out of the public eye. He also likes to learn and wants to know about everything. Everything, even concepts he doesn’t understand because he only had some elementary schooling. Also, if you find my father crying he’ll respond “Me? Pag e 6 4

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I’m not crying! I just have a little something in my eye.”

I remembered how my mother is sometimes frail. The constant arguing, nagging, and “Mom you’re a pain in my ass,” really bothers her. It’s like she beats herself up over the way she acts toward us. At the same time, she likes to play tricks and execute pranks. She’s also the Mexican Martha Stewart always wanting the cookies to match the season, the meals to be carefully planned out, and dishes to match the table cloth.

I came to the realization that I love our family. Damn, twisted love. Also that, I think Mom and Dad are so alike sometimes; that’s why they love each other. Even after 16 years of being separated my Mom and Dad go on dates. Because, they’re almost the same person yet different. Like completing each other.

Well, we freaking complete each other. My mother, father, my older sister, my younger sister, and my youngest sister all make up this amazing dysfunctional immediate family. We all need to contribute to become a better family. We’re all incredibly talented people and know how to make each other laugh. We also run a game of “who can beat up who,” a lot but if we cut through that bull shit we would be so much happier.

Regardless, I still love us and because I see this, I should be the one to push the rest. I’ll be the one that cooks, cleans, and comforts the other. I’ll be the one that stays around to connect the family. Because, that’s what I forgot. I forgot that that I’m the one that holds us together. Yeah that sounds noble, narcissist, and all other kind of crap. But really, it’s my duty. It’s the real reason that I’m home right now.

My mom always brags about me to her coworkers and I compare myself to their successful daughters. Recently, since late May, I compare myself to the daughter of Mrs. R. my mom’s old boss. See, Page 65

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I always blame Mrs. R. for getting in the way of my mom and my family because my mom works incredibly long hours. But, then she died of cancer. I had seriously relied on hating her for her entire lifetime and now that she’s dead I have no idea how to think of her.

It’s fucking ironic.

I didn’t get to attend her funeral but I did attend the rosary reading gathering for her, volunteered my sincere condolences, and comforted her daughter. Mrs. R.’s daughter is around thirty or so and she laments never knowing her mother that well. Like a typical educated Mexican daughter from the Rio Grande Valley, Mrs. R.’s daughter moved on with her life. She pursued a degree, married, and divorced.

Mrs. R.’s daughter now lives in Mrs. R.’s home and, supposedly, is slowly capitalizing on Mrs. R.’s property and other liquefying assets. I didn’t want to be like Mrs. R.’s daughter. I don’t, in fact. I don’t want to come back home to realize that my mother is dying.

Seriously, I want to enjoy the couple of free hours a week that her work permits her, even if she comes home, lies on the couch, watches some television, and drifts to sleep from exhaustion.

At some point, I’m going to see my dad again. I’ll get to know him before he gets too old to talk about philosophy and the dawn of God with me. That’s more important right now, well that and developing my company. I have all the time in the world to exchange hours for profit. But, I don’t have all the time in the world to actually meet and know my parents and my family. We’re only just beginning to get to know each other and it’s going great.

One Angry Hour at a time.

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Mohabbatein That night I watched Mohabbatein. Regardless to what Wikipedia and the media might say, Shahrukh Khan (he plays Raj Aryan Malhotra) doesn’t have a “major role,” in the film. Yes, he’s an important character, and yeah he and Amitabh Bachchan (he plays Narayan Shankar) have pivotal roles in the story… but no.

Mohabbatein is about the tale of three young men who fall in love with three young women.

Sameer likes Sanjana, Vikram likes Isika, and Karan likes Kiran. The story of the three loverboys is told between the love story of Raj and Megha. Which, honestly, that’s the only part I paid attention to. If you want the lo-down on what happened to Sammer, Vikram, and Karan watch the movie or go to Wikipedia.

It’s actually a very decent description of the film and promises no confusions.

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and Raj fall in love while Raj is a student at Gurukul. Narayan, Megha’s father, expels Raj for falling in love with his daughter.

Megha becomes distraught. She can’t forget Raj because Raj completes her and she loves Raj as much as she loves her father.

But, since she’s incomplete without Raj and would be incomplete without her father she decides to commit suicide.

But, even though she dies she still stays with Raj. The film says that she’s just in Raj’s imagination but I truly believe that it’s her energy and soul that lives with him. That she’s sort of like a spirit. I say this, because in the end of the film, she appears to both Raj and Narayan and the three of them hold hands. Therefore, throughout the film, it’s like Megha and Raj conspired against Narayan to show him the meaning of love.

See, according to Raj in the scene where the three loverboys want to forget their loves, “There are no conditions in love so there shouldn’t be any regrets.” Thus, even though Megha is dead he still loves her because loving her makes him happy. Raj continues, “Love is just like life. It’s not always easy and it does not always bring happiness, but when we do not stop living why should we stop loving?” The boys retire to their room and Raj remembers Megha saying, “Love is just like life. It’s not always easy and it does not always bring happiness. But when we do not stop living, why should we stop loving?” Then “the ghost of Megha” runs her hand over his shoulder.

“Hi,” he says and takes her hand into his.

“Hi,” she responds.

“Made you wait for a long time?” He asks, Megha pouts, and crosses her arms. “I’m sorry,” Raj says and leans forward.

“It’s ok.”

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smiles, turns around, and nods. They fall into a waltz and dusty memories of two of my favorite characters in my life story seep into my brain.

I created a tale while in high school of the most beautiful, elegant, and amazing man. He never had a proper name but I referred to him in the story as “Death.” Death is tall, gorgeous, has brown hair and brown eyes and the emptiest heart in the world.

He is sad by the loss of life and the void that consumes us all. He finds warmth in a young girl whose sanity borders along the lines of imaginary and reality. In the imaginary realm, she dances sweet melodies with Death and embarks on strange, magical adventures either to meet with him or to find him.

Death is the first character I created to represent “my true love” or “dream love.” No, he isn’t death and dying he’s the embodiment of the void. The void is everlasting, numb, dark, and cold. I admit that having a love affair with the void is not normal but it’s a different type of romance. The romantic aspect drew me in and I created an ongoing short story series on the character. He’s my first “true love.” I have two.

My second true love is Lady Life, she’s the embodiment of love and everything that is not the void. She’s also a character in one of my stories, but not really. Death spawned in my imagination before I wrote him on paper while Lady Life expanded out of ink.

She took my hand and pulled me onto a beach five years ago. She shows up every now and then to slap Death and kiss me on the forehead.

The three of us have this strange affair. He keeps me safe when the void consumes me and she pulls me out when it’s time to visit the real world. Maybe things would be different, if he would just kick me out when I need to get out. But, every time he tried Page 69

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kicking me out I would scuttle back to his clutches.

No one knew of my love affair with Life and Death until the day after I watched this movie (or right around the day). One of my friends took me aside and said, “yeah, I had this really weird dream last night of you on a bed with this girl. She immediately left though, when she saw me.” Yeah, Lady Life is like that. She’s elusive and hates for others to see her with me. This is why she slaps Death when she catches us together. But hey, it’s not her problem, he showed up first.

Just don’t tell her that you know what she looks like. She has long brown wavy hair, a semi-pointy nose, and medium size lips.

Her flawless skin makes the moon blush, and her heart is purer than gold. When she holds my hands the whole world turns grey, and color vibrates from her fingertips as she unveils life, nature, and humanity. It’s truly beautiful how she provides ecstasy to the happiness in me. But, life isn’t always happiness and shit happens.

It is then that he steals me away and nurtures the aching loneliness and fear that lies in me, keeping it from spreading until she takes me away.

It’s how I survive. It’s almost like the love that Raj has for Megha… everlasting love like in books. Better than any trivial tiny love story I’ve met in this lifetime. The two films I watched after Mohabbatein deal with love. The first deals with young love with people changing power and the second deals with eternal love.

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Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge This movie established Shahrukh Khan in the romance comedy genre. Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge roughly translates into “the big hearted will take the bride,” but I think “bride stealer,” is more accurate. On the scale of, I liked this movie to I really could care less about this movie… I really didn’t like it that much. It was like watching the season of Dragon Ball Z with “Garlic Junior” when you haven’t seen the first Dragon Ball Z movie.

Nonetheless, the story is nice. Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge is about the love affair between Raj and Simran, two first generation British Indians born and raised in London. Raj is the spoiled only child of Dharamvir, a wealthy widower. He’s also a party boy, the first student to fail at his institution, a riot, and insensitive. Simran is the eldest daughter of Baldev, a socially conservative convenience store owner. Raj meets Simran’s father by tricking Baldev into selling him some beer after the store closes. Baldev denounces Raj Page 71

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as a disgrace to Indians and is proud that his two daughters aren’t anything like Raj. Well, his two daughters are strange regardless. His youngest is too mature for her age and his oldest is a dreamer and a poet. She dreams of a stranger: “This is the first time it’s happening in 18 years. Some stranger I have never seen comes to my mind like a shadow before my eyes. Someone raps on my heart; deep eyes want me to give myself up. When I look at my hands, there I see a face etched. A silken breath brushes my cheeks. My hair still smells of the odor on is hands. Yes, it’s happening for the first time in 18 years. I’ve never seen this stranger who comes to my mind.”

That’s quite poetic and exactly how I feel about my two true loves. Just like Simram, I hold out for that day that I’ll meet the embodiment of my dream lovers. However, Simran falls into some bad luck, a letter arrives from Ajit, Baldev’s best friend in India, saying that his son Kuljeet and Simran should marry each other to fulfill the promise the two fathers made to each other when Simran and Kuljeet were infants. Simran agrees to marry out of respect for her father, but she begs for the chance to go on a trip to Europe with her female friends. It’s the last chance she has to see the world before her marriage and relocation to India. Baldev barely agrees, but since he knows his daughter is a proper woman, he lets her go.

Raj and Simran meet as they both barely make it onto the train. They’re outside in the entrance space that leads to the main seating. Raj tries to open the door, but fails, and Simran’s clothes have fallen out of her suitcase. She puts her clothes back in the suitcase, sits down with a book, and Raj sits next to her. He then reaches under his butt for something; it turns out to be Simran’s bra.

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it and places it in her handbag while he says, “I thought so,” and grins.

Raj continues to hit on her while Simran tries to read. He puts on his shades and turns to her “Haven’t I seen you somewhere? At Robbie’s party, no?”

“I don’t go to parties.”

“Great! Nor do I, ever. I don’t like them at all.” He takes off his glasses. “Your eyes” “What’s wrong with my eyes?” She turns to him and glares.

“Remind me of someone.”

“Of whom?”

“My grandmother. Like you, her eyes too had hues of yellows and blues.”

“Please leave me alone.” Simran says with disdain.

“OK. I don’t mind..”

Simran continues to “read” holding the book upside down trying to ignore Raj. He turns his head upside down and tries to sneak in underneath the book. “Keep reading,” he adds, “I only wanted to find out how you read upside down. Very interesting style.”

“This is the limit!”

Simran is obviously pissed with Raj and lucky for her Sheena, a friend, steps into the compartment and disrupts the scene.

However, Raj immediately flirts with Sheena making Simran even angrier. Raj doesn’t take Simran seriously and plays a couple of tricks on her, but then he falls in love with her. Simran realizes she loves him at the railway station in London at the end of their trip.

She goes home and confesses her love to her mother, and Baldev over hears the conversation. Baldev is furious and refuses to break the engagement with Kuljeet. He packs up the family and they all move to India.

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With his father’s blessing, Raj follows Simram to India. He meets her in private and assures her that he will save her from the arranged marriage. Simram asks Raj to run away with her, but he refuses, saying that he will only marry her with the consent of Baldev. Raj befriends Kuljeet and pretends to be a friend of the family, at the same time Preeti, Kuljeet’s sister, falls in love with Raj, and somehow Raj and Preeti become engaged. Raj’s plan is to make everyone love him so that he could “steal” Simram away; however, this plan fails when Baldev sees a photograph of Raj and Simram in Euprope. Baldev realizes Raj’s identity and flips a switch.

Baldev confronts Raj as Raj is leaving. Raj sees the photograph and drops his backpack.

“Babuji, I wanted to tell you,” Raj begins. Baldev slaps Raj. “You were right. I failed to recognize.” Baldev interjects and slaps Raj. “You enter my house, and before my family, you play with my honor?” Baldev slaps Raj again. “You have deceived me!

You have taken advantage of our trust! You made a joke out of our cordiality!” Bam, one more slap. “How dare you have an affair with Simran? Did you imagine you’d marry Simran? You aren’t even worthy of yourself.” One more slap. “How can you be worthy of Simran? I was right about you. Liars, wastrels like you never improve. They only become worse!” Boom, boom, bam, slap, slap, and more slapping.

Simran hears this and runs down to Raj. “Didn’t I tell you to take me away? No one cares for your love! Didn’t I say, let’s elope?”

“No Simran, don’t. You can only run from strangers. But not from the ones we call our own, our elders are our parents. All our lives they’ve brought us up. They gave us so much love. About our lives, they can decide better than we can. We have no right to Pag e 7 4

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make them sad for the sake of our happiness. Babuji is right. I am a liar, a cheat. Even if I lied for your sake, a lie is always a lie. Babuji is right. I’m not worthy of you.

And so what if I can see nothing beyond you? And so what if I can remember no one but you? Babuji is right. I’m a wastrel. How did I think of marrying you? So what if this wastrel loves you like a madman? Love isn’t everything, is it? Babuji is right, Simran.

Babuji is right.” Raj then walks to Baldev.

“Here you are Babuji. Take your daughter I didn’t come here to break anyone’s heart I just wanted to win hearts. Maybe I fall short of expectations. Maybe that’s why I couldn’t win you over.

If you think Kuljeet will make Simran happier, then you’re right.

What’s best for Simran, you know best. Forgive me.”

Raj also apologizes to Preeti and then leaves. Simran falls to the ground, Baldev rips the photograph, and the wedding preparations continue. Raj joins his father at the train station. Raj’s father visits Baldev while Kuljeet and his cronies show up at the train station with poles to beat up Raj. Somehow, Raj’s father goes back to the train station to stop the beating but he gets beat up too. It’s epic, Raj points the rifle to Kuljeet’s face, Raj’s face is covered in blood, Raj lets go of the rifle, and punches Kuljeet. Word of the beating reaches Baldev and they all go to the train station.

“Stop!” Baldev screams as he holds Raj back. By this time, it’s seems as if blood is pouring out of Raj’s eyes. Raj puts his hand down and his father takes him back to wait for the train. The train arrives and so does Simran. Simram runs to the train, does some begging, and then Baldev let’s her go, saying that “no one can love you more than him. Go my child. Go to your Raj.” Simran runs to the train and Raj pulls her up, they hug, and it’s over.

I think this is the real reason why everyone loves this movie.

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I just like the fight scene. Well, I also like when Shahrukh Khan does some dancing. Which he does a lot in the next movie, Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi.

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Rab Ne B ana Di Jodi I think Surinder (Suri) is the best character Shahrukh has ever played! Suri is shy, introverted, kind-hearted, a hopeless romantic, and an average office employee. He falls in love with Taani, the daughter of his former professor. The film begins with Suri leading Taani to his grandfather’s home in Amritsar.

“Yesterday, I saw her for the first time,” Suri narrates, “and fell in love instantly.” Taani is gorgeous and any ‘geek’s’ dream. She’s definitely Suri’s dream. He meets Taani during the preparations for her wedding. They exchange a few pleasantries and she continues with the preparations.

“Yes, it’s true.” He continues, “I fell in love with her the moment I saw her, her beautiful face, her joyous dance, and her unhesitant laughter. I thought I was seeing a girl for the first time. It was a strange feeling, I was happy and in pain at the same time.”

Then, fate twisting news change her life story. Her fiancé and Page 77

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his wedding entourage die in a road accident. These news cause Taani’s father to have a heart attack. In the best interest of Taani, the professor requests that Suri marry Taani. Suri agrees, as he’s already in love and Taani tearfully agrees for her father’s sake.

Before dying, though, the professor gives Taani one last piece of advice: “in life we make some relationships and some are made

by God. You just think that God has chosen Surinder for you.”

This leads to the present. Suri takes exceptional care of Taani. He lets her have his bedroom to herself, gives her all the space in the world, and won’t/can’t tell her how feels.

In turn, Taani makes it clear that she will try to be a good wife but that she can never love him. She’s convinced that nothing can fill the void her exfiancé left. Still, Suri loves her and gratefully accepts her wifely tokens like filling his lunch box. Thus, he proceeds to give her anything and everything she wants. This leads to a boring matrimony, and the most they do together is watch song and dance films that appeal to Taani’s fantasies for romance and dancing.

Soon enough, she asks for Suri’s permission to attend an expensive dance class. Suri realizes that he can never compete with the masculine heroes from the movies and asks his good old friend “Bobby” for advice. Bobby gives Suri a total makeover and turns Suri into a “western-style” bombshell. At first, Suri wants to spy on Taani at her dance class and then surprise her at home, but things get confusing. Thus, Suri becomes “Raj Kapoor,” the crude, loud, and humorous hero and Taani’s dance partner.

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we will meet again” Stupid, right? Well, it’s more stupid that Suri decides to lead a double life. By day, he’s meek and introverted, by night he’s boisterous and annoying. But, in a way it brings his self-esteem up, I guess. Suri’s logic goes like this: Suri reminds Taani of tragedy and sadness. She can never be the old Taani around Suri. However, with Raj, she can be herself. Plus, out of all the people he could have been paired up he ended up with Taani.

Thus, it’s an act of God and God is saying, “there I have started your love story. Now dance with Taani all you want, get to know her better, make her laugh, give her heaps of happiness so that she forgets all her pain and becomes your fun-loving Taani forever. As Raj, you can tell her whatever is in your heart. All that you could never say as Suri. Now go live your love story.”

Despite Raj’s initial loud behavior, a byproduct of being a Geek, he and Taani become friends. After a while, Raj declares his love for her (Suri’s love). But this double life makes problems for both of them. Taani learns to love Raj even though she’s a married girl, and desperately wants to elope with Raj. Yet, Taani feels she must stay with Suri because of the promise she made with her father.

Suri also has a problem. See, as Raj, Suri arranges with his coworkers to display the words ‘I love you,’ with the city’s lights to Taani and she falls madly in love.

“What is this Raj,” Taani questions him.

“It’s love Taani partner, swear to God, it’s true love.”

“See I am a rough tough guy (yeah right) had I gone to express my love in words something stupid would have come out. So I thought, let the whole of Amritsar express my love. Do you not like it?”

“Like it? Every girl dreams that someone loves her this madly.

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But, this kind of madness, no girl can ever dream of. I really liked it Raj but at the same time, I’m feeling sad. I have made a huge mistake. I should have told you that I am a married girl Raj. That’s when Suri realizes that Taani hates Suri but loves Raj. It’s kills him. Yet, Suri still thinks it’s a match made by God, and he can only love her as he sees God in her. Now, Suri feels he has to prove his love for Taani as Suri. Suri invites Taani to a trade fair where he attempts to prove his love.

It’s really stupid what Suri does. Suri fights a Sumo wrestler to win a trip to Japan for Taani. Surprisingly, Suri wins. He holds his “prize token,” in his hands and looks into the crowd to see if Taani saw, and instead of finding a happy Taani he finds a very upset Taani. Taani tends to his scratches and bruises all while reprimanding him.

“What was this drama? What was the need for you to do this?

Aren’t you aware that you are an average working class man. Who everyday puts on his glasses, sits in a 4x4 cubicle, and works in front of a computer. You’re not a hero to go and fight with someone four times your size. What were you trying to prove? Huh? Please tell me what was the need to do all this?”

Suri responds that he did it for her and she throws it back at him saying, “Please stop worrying about my happiness. I am happy, but I can’t keep jumping around all the time. If I’m quiet it doesn’t mean I’m not happy, and if I want something I’ll ask for it. You’ve already done enough for me. Please don’t do so much that I am never able to pay you back with my life. Please don’t do anything for me. Please, I beg you.”

Of course, Suri didn’t do it as a favor. He does everything because he fell in love with Taani the instant he laid eyes on her.

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daydreams of Raj. She then runs to find him; Raj and Taani decide to elope. Later that night, Suri confesses to Bobby that he is going to transfer his house to Taani, transfer to Delhi, and sacrifice his love for her.

On the day of the competition, Suri takes Taani to the Golden Temple in order to receive God’s blessings for her competition that night.

“God, Let my Taani be happy wherever and with whoever she may be. I don’t want anything else from you.” Prays Suri.

“He says that he sees God in me but I am nothing like you.”

Prays Taani. “In what way do people see you? Even I want to see you. Please show me God too.” She opens her gorgeous eyes and sees a man wearing slacks and a work blouse. She squints and notices that it’s Suri. Taani realizes that Suri’s love is wonderful and that she can’t run away with Raj. Taani tells Raj that she can’t leave her husband. She leaves him in what appears to be a state of “shock,” but really Suri is just too happy. In the end, it’s Suri who dances with Taani, it’s Suri who goes to Japan with Taani, and they are happy. It’s all so brilliant and heartwarming.

Watching this movie changed my feelings for Shahrukh Khan. I knew that my silly love affair wouldn’t last long. I knew it because life called. I had decisions to make, people to direct, magazines to design, bills to pay, and memories to make. I also have love to give, a family to understand, more work to do, and a long road to wander.

I also came to terms with myself, the “real self that my selfishness clouds.” I realized a lot of other things. For example, some people watch sad movies so that they can cry with the actors instead of crying by themselves. Also, that not enough people care Page 81

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about people. Like, all this time I’ve been worrying about myself.

“Crap, I don’t have a real job yet.” Owning your company isn’t a real job if it isn’t making money to some people. “Yikes, my goals, dreams, and aspirations don’t mean anything if I can’t make a ton of money with them.” Is another thought that I repeat in my head.

I think I cried through all the past twelve movies, and knew the last would be the biggest tearjerker.

There’s a rhythm to the movie order. The first movie had painful unrequited love from a prostitute, second had painful unrequited rebirth love, third is dangerous love, love for your team, love for your slow developing country, love for lust, love that breaks relationships, love that blossoms from friendship, love for family, eternal love, dream love, and love for God. None of the movies have “love for yourself,” as a theme. That’s exactly what I needed and why my love affair was possible. I needed a break from reality and myself. It’s really hard to take a break from yourself. I wasn’t sure if I would be OK, but I’m never sure if I’m OK so it doesn’t matter much. It doesn’t matter because I’m darned good at pretending I’m fine. It’s a good talent and sometimes writers are better liars than politicians (well yah).

Anyways, My Name is Khan is the last movie. That’s when I decided to move onto the real world. But, apparently I didn’t move far away enough because I ended up writing about it. Either way, My Name is Khan is about the love for humanity.

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My Name is Khan My Name is Khan, is somewhat controversial. It’s sort of controversial because it portrays the stupidity of the United States’ deep rooted biases against people who are not “American.” My Name is Khan features Rizwan Khan, a Muslim man who grew up with his brother and mother in India. Rizwan was “always different” and that difference led to the over protectiveness of his mother and the disdain of his older brother. Rizwan and his older brother learn that Rizwan has Asperger’s syndrome when their mother dies and Rizwan moves to the US to live with his brother.

Rizwan works for his brother selling cosmetics and in the process falls in love with Mandira, a Hindu woman. Rizwan goes against his brother’s wishes and marries her. Their life is wonderful, but then the September 11 attacks occur and Rizwan’s new family with Mandira and Sam, her son, crumbles faster than the Twin Towers.

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Sam dies from a fight provoked by a ‘race’ argument leaving Mandira extremely distressed and angry. Mandira, in her anger, casts Rizwan aside in the following scene: “We killed him.” Mandira repeats over and over at the soccer field where Sam died.

“Mandira, it’s time for dinner.” Rizwan tries to tell her. “Doctors say that post-traumatic disorder causes people to ignore their health.”

“Both of us killed him.”

“You need to take care of your health.”

“Just shut up, just shut up! Are you listening to what I am saying? We killed him!” Mandira grabs Rizwan by his shirt collar.

“It’s all my fault.” She says after she releases him and holds her head.

“If I hadn’t married you,” she moves her hands to her sides and turns away, “all this wouldn’t have happened. I thought you loved me so much. Loved Sam so much. What difference would it make if his name changed? What difference would it make if ‘Khan’ was added to his name? But I was wrong. It makes a difference.”

She turns to Rizwan, “I should have never married a Muslim man! If Sam would had been a Rathod (Hindu last name) he would have been alive today. He was a Khan, so, he died. He died because of you. Because of your surname!”

“I don’t understand what you are saying. I don’t understand what you are saying. You are not well.” Rizwan says while his hand fidgets with some rocks.

“God. I want to die.” She exclaims and holds her hands.

“Oh, no, no, no, no.” Rizwan says walking side to side.

“I want to die.”

“No, no, no Mandira please don’t die. No, no, please don’t die.

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You can’t die. Please don’t die.”

“Just leave me alone, please.” She turns to him again. “Leave me please. I don’t even want to see you. Whenever I see you I remember Sam’s wounds. I can’t do this. I can’t do this anymore.

I’m leaving you, Khan. I’m leaving you!”

“Why should you leave? The house is yours. I will leave.”

“Go right now! This instant! Go right now! Go! Go!” “Mandira, when should I come back?”

“When should you be back? When should you be back? You know Banville? It has a population of 30,000. And each one of those 30,000 people hates you. Tell all of them that you are not a terrorist. Why only them? Tell every person in America. Can you do that? Can you? No, you can’t. Why don’t you tell the President of United States then? Mr. President, my name is Khan and I’m not a terrorist. So, he can tell all these people that my Sam was not the terrorist son of a terrorist father. When you do that come back.”

This scene covers the whole premise of the movie. A brokenhearted mother lays the impossible task to a devoted husband to convince the world that not all Muslims are terrorists.

Rizwan embarks on the journey to meet the president, makes several friends along the way, as well as several enemies, wins the hearts of Americans (citizens and noncitizens), and eventually meets the president.

I never knew of the Muslim-Hindu divide in India. I had a very narrow view of Indians and Muslims before watching any of the Shahrukh Khan films. I knew two types of Indians, in-real-life Indians and online Indians. All the Indians I have met at work and college are rude, selfish, hate receiving directions from women, refuse to work in teams, and break any rule they desire. I wasn’t too happy with them, but I was even more unhappy with online Page 85

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Indians. Sorry India for the following, most online Indians are rude, selfish, perverts, degrading, and unbearable.

Now Muslims, I believed that most Muslims are mean, angry, and hateful. I blame my Christian grade school education for that misconception. I also believed that some Muslims really want “72 virgins,” when they go to heaven. That’s a result of Muslim online “trolls,” who constantly harass nonMulsims peoples. But, when it comes to Internet Trolls all you have to do is troll back.

Well, watching My Name is Khan and learning about Shahrukh Khan has changed my perspective a bit. Just a tiny bit. This world is composed of really loud people who make a bad name for their species, religion, country, province, home, and person. But, at the same time this world is composed of really humble people who fight daily against the misconceptions the loud people make.

Humble people just need to join and become louder, stronger, and well known. People also need to be lenient of other’s beliefs, country, and person. So who cares that a) you want a heaven and b) I don’t believe heaven; please stop praying for my heavenly future because it’s not happening. Just throw a prayer for my happiness as I pray for yours. Pray for love instead of war. Act on the side of freedom instead of oppression. Live for the sake of everyone instead of just your own. Love everyone as much as you love [your] God, and if you can’t don’t do harm. Easy, right?

Sadly, after this movie my love affair with Shahrukh Khan is no more. I can’t fall in love with love any more than I am right now.

I can only admire an actor for so long. I can only follow the media coverage until another actor or another scandal fills my sight.

I can’t look for answers in foreign languages when I can’t even understand the language filtering out of me.

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as an actor made it possible to enjoy a journey through 13 types of love. I’m not really sure what type of “real person” he is but, I do know that he’s ok. He’s not actively trying to convert anyone or involved in the politics of religion. Some of the media accuses him of being arrogant, gay, bisexual, cunning, and immoral. And, I think he even left Twitter, because he received hate tweets.

Regardless of what the media thinks or how I could feel, he’s a good man. The world needs a lot of good men and women.

Oh, there is one more movie I wanted to watch. It’s Kal Ho Naa Ho, but I think my movie nights are changing into editing nights for a while so… I guess I’ll just have to save it for later.

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Bo nus P ar t Kal Ho Naa Ho

It is without a doubt a pain in the ass to write, edit, proofread, design, and promote a book. But, I loved it so much that I’m going to create a second book, a third, and possibly a new book every six months. Thank you for reading My Love Affair...

I totally gave in and watched Kal Ho Naa Ho, and I think because I’m not ‘as madly’ in love with Shahrukh Khan I didn’t quite like that movie. Don’t tell anyone, but I recommend you don’t watch it!

Thanks for reading!

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“n o m at t er where you g o... t h er e you a r e.”

–Sh a r ukh K h a n; @i amsrk, Twi t t er, Ma rch 2 3 , 2 0 1 1 .

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N onfi c t i o n M y L o v e Af f ai r ...

My love affair with Shahrukh Khan is not real. I don’t know him, I’ve never spoken to him, he doesn’t know who I am, and so forth. I’m just a loyal fan. As a loyal, and hopelessly taken by his charm, fan I decided to write about the 13 films I watched.

A bout t h e A u t h o r Sopphey Vance is a poet. She creates poetry with letters, words, sounds, and color. She was born in Mcallen, Texas and studied Graphic Media and Creative Writing at the Rochester Institute of Technology, in Rochester, New York. She became an editor for Signatures in 2008 until she graduated in 2010. She loved her work at Signatures so much that she proceeded to create her own literary and art magazine, Enhance. Currently, Sopphey Vance edits and manages the On Impression Network.

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Movies reviewed belong to their original authors —Copyright Sopphey Vance; Sarai Oviedo 2011.