working parents

MELANIE NINOVIC

BECOMING A MUM: A GUIDE FOR FIRST‑TIME WORKING PARENTS

by Melanie Ninovic, Senior Consultant at ParaFlare

Choosing to have kids and establishing, or sustaining, a career is no easy feat. More shocking, to my surprise, is that this journey is hardly ever spoken about.

Unfortunately, I felt I had few people to turn to in the cybersecurity industry for help. I tried to do my own research but there was barely anything out there to prepare me, as an expectant working mother, for what was to come.

Thus, I thought I’d write about my experience in the hope of helping other men and women wanting to start a family. This will serve as a guide on what to look out for and what you need to consider when you are planning to start a family, or you already have a child in your care.

Disclaimer: Because I lived in Australia throughout this experience, the information provided is based on Australian laws and regulations. I am neither a lawyer nor an accountant, so please talk to a professional. I also acknowledge I have been very lucky throughout this journey. I know others will not have the same straightforward path to motherhood as I did (in terms of pregnancy, financial situation, both parents working from home and a very supportive and helpful husband). Starting a family is one of the most exciting times of your life, but there are a few factors you need to consider before embarking on this journey. Here is a list to help guide you from pre-pregnancy to maternity leave.

PRE-PREGNANCY

Private health insurance

If you choose to give birth at a private hospital you must have private health insurance. With most providers there is a 12 month waiting period for pregnancy claims. This means you need to have been covered by private health insurance for a full year before you give birth.

Secondly, your cover does not include obstetrician costs. My fees were around the $3500 mark, but I’ve heard from others that these can be up to $10k. This is a fee you will need to include in your financial planning.

Government paid parental leave

As of writing (July 2022), the Parental Leave Pay scheme provides a minimum wage payment for up to 18 weeks if you are the primary caregiver. This is about $812 a week. However, you will only be eligible

for this payment if your earnings are below a certain threshold in the year before you lodge the claim, or have your child (whichever comes earliest).

Note: this might change with the recently elected Labor Government. Additionally, Services Australia also provides childcare subsidies, which you might want to consider.

Employer maternity/parental leave policy

Be sure to check your company policy for maternity leave and what you are entitled to. Some employers include a length of employment threshold for paid maternity leave. Similarly, paternity/parental leave policies may also include a clause that allows the father to take leave only if the mother is back at work, and the father becomes the primary caregiver.

Also ask your manager or HR department whether your pay will include superannuation. It is common for this not to be included and is the reason women on average have less superannuation when they retire.

PREGNANCY

Scheduling

If you are planning to give birth at a private hospital your pregnancy will be full of appointments: for obstetrics, scans, blood tests, hospital tours and more. For this reason, I told my manager about my pregnancy quite early on, and I was fortunate to have had a positive working relationship with my manager. If you do not expect early notification of your pregnancy to be an issue I would recommend doing the same. You can then:

• Plan ahead, juggling all your appointments and a busy work schedule. • Give yourself and your employer ample time to hand over your work to others in your team, finish important projects, and work to a deadline. • Deal with unexpected symptoms or sickness, and with the challenges of pregnancy.

On that note, listen to your body and do not overexert yourself. Manage your symptoms and if you feel able, communicate these to your manager so you can adjust your workload accordingly.

Planning ahead

There are so many things to do before having a baby. From the nursery, car seats and sleeping arrangements to cleaning and baby-proofing the house; the list seems endless. I started doing all these things three to four months into my pregnancy, because:

• Most harsh symptoms subside at this stage. • You do not know how busy your work schedule will become later in your pregnancy. • You could give birth early.

Key tip: baby stores frequently have sales. Wait until there is a sale to buy everything, and always compare prices between stores.

Lastly, if you are planning to breastfeed, sign up to an online course or do some research. The hospital will go through breastfeeding with you but by that point, having just delivered a baby, you will be in pain and very tired, and overwhelmed by emotions. It is best to learn different feeding techniques and strategies beforehand, and I highly recommend buying a lanolin product such as Lansinoh to put in your go-to-hospital bag.

You will be flooded with advice from a thousand nurses, midwives, consultants, paediatricians and, of course, your family on how to feed and take care of your newborn. This really frustrated me and took a toll on my mental health. At the end of the day I went with what I thought was right for me and my child and I have not looked back.

Childcare

Childcare centres across Sydney tend to have long wait times, anywhere from 12 months to two years. Whilst on maternity leave, or even beforehand, call two or three centres that you like and ask to be put on their waiting list. You can use the Australian Children’s Education and Care Quality Authority’s (ACECQA’s) register to find centres meeting or exceeding national quality standards.

MATERNITY LEAVE

1. Everyone focuses on how challenging pregnancy and giving birth can be, but for me the hardest part was what came afterwards. Whilst you are still recovering from a huge procedure you need to learn how to feed and take care of your newborn.

The first few weeks will be tough. It is quite normal to feel overwhelmed, exhausted, confused and lonely. Look at joining a mothers group so you can share and learn from others.

2. Ask for help.

If you have family close by, ask if they can cook meals, help you clean the house, or just mind your newborn so you can go take a shower and have time to yourself.

It is so important to carve out time for yourself, to recover, and to feel a sense of yourself.

3. It is quite normal to think “will I lose all my skills whilst on leave?” or “how will I keep up with an industry that is so fast moving?” The way I kept up to date was by listening to a weekly podcast (thanks Risky Business) whilst taking my child for a walk, or during feeds, and reading online newsletters (thisweekin4n6 and SANS NewsBites).

4. Another way is to use your ‘keeping in touch’ days. Some organisations designate a set number of days during maternity leave for an employee to return to work and catch up with all that has happened whilst they have been away. These days can either be spread throughout the maternity leave or taken in a block: something to discuss with your employer.

DISCRIMINATION

Whilst I have been quite lucky in my journey through pregnancy and motherhood thus far, discrimination is unfortunately a very common part of a working woman’s life around the world. Redundancies, pay cuts, lost promotions and inflexible working arrangements are frequent consequences for women who announce their pregnancy to their employer, or after they become mothers, despite it being illegal to discriminate against a woman because she is pregnant.

It is important to know your rights before becoming pregnant in case you do face discrimination in the workplace. Here are some resources:

• Australian Human Rights Commission • Fair Work Ombudsman • Raising Children

One issue for the cybersecurity industry is the need for more opportunities for remote participation in conferences and training programs. I echo and stand by Sherri Davidoff’s thoughts. We must do more to allow remote speaking and viewing options for all mothers, in particular by supporting family attendance at such events. Women are losing out on speaking and training opportunities because they must care for their child or because of the costs of participating on site.

I would be happy to speak to anyone undertaking or planning this journey. If you have any questions, please reach out.

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