Therapy 101

EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT SEEKING HELP FROM A MENTAL-HEALTH PROFESSIONAL.

by Juliet Lam Kuehnle

Hi, I’m Juliet and I’m a therapist who goes to therapy.

I get asked all the time how someone can know it’s the right time to go to therapy.

Spoiler alert: There’s never a wrong time.

You go to the doctor for checkups for your physical health, and perhaps you go to church, meditate or walk in nature for your spiritual health — so why should mental health get left out? Our mental health is foundational to everything we do and yet, largely because of stigma, people still carry a lot of shame and misconceptions. As humans who are constantly evolving, tending to our mental health simply ensures we are doing so at our full capacities. We can flit through life on autopilot without a lot of awareness or we can be more purposeful and intentional. Doing so alongside a therapist can make it that much more powerful and sustainable.

I’ve addressed a few frequently asked questions about what therapy is and how to do it:

How does one know they need therapy?

This is a very unique and individualized thing that can come to people at different points in their lives. Some people will wait until they’re in crisis and are in desperate need of help. Some people come to therapy as a proactive measure, for deeper self exploration, self-awareness, and to learn some tools and improve relationships. Either of those reasons — and everything in between! — is fine.

What is therapy all about?

“Ms. Lam, stand up tall. Do not shrink for anybody.” It is my favorite, not-so-humble brag that I’ll tell anyone who will listen. I got to take a college course with the Dr. Maya Angelou when I was at Wake Forest University. I was taking a picture with her at the end of the semester, and I thought I’d crouch down to be in the frame next to her as she sat. But, no. She encouraged me that day (and every day that I remember her words) to stand tall and take up space. I also got to go to her house not once, but twice. I don’t really remember what we talked about. But many of you know Dr. Angelou’s wisdom of never forgetting how people make you feel That, I remember. In her presence, I felt heard, self-assured, settled, introspective, confident, inspired and stirred.

This is how I feel as a client in therapy, too. Therapy is a place you can just show up and be. No pretense, pretending or judgment. Where else can we unabashedly do this? We’ve gotten really good at protecting ourselves and showing up as others expect us to be. In therapy, there is truly no judgment around what’s happened to you, what choices you’ve made, or what you have to say. It’s all about deepening awareness and making sense of things to navigate the present day as fully as possible.

What’s it really like in a therapy session?

A lot of us have an image of lying on a couch talking to some old guy who’s writing copious notes with some “hmmms” and