Everlasting LOBES of LOVE

In ancient Asian mythology, ginkgo biloba leaves symbolized love and longevity. How do these tales from ages past compare to modern-day love and relationships?

Lin Daiyu gingerly lifted the box crafted from ginkgo leaves, her hands buzzing with anticipation. “One last look,” she thought, as her eyes caught the last lines of a poem she had inscribed on the underside of the lid:

“The very sight of you dissolves me to tears. These are leaves of a tree I plucked for you. How many ginkgoes grow on river islets?”

She clasped the cover shut, enclosing inside a lengthy letter written with a silver pencil and golden inkstone. Her thoughts strayed to Jia Boayu the way a river flows to the ocean. Would he accept this token symbolizing the depth of her feelings for him?

This scene hails from the famed 18th-century Chinese novel, “Dream of the Red Chamber,” in which Lin Daiyu gifts Jia Baoyu a box of ginkgo leaves as an expression of her love. The two were kindred spirits with a shared love of the arts, despite both contending with intense familial and societal pressures. Their relationship was a powerful expression of the tension between love and duty, passion and tradition, and the search for meaning and connection in a complex, cold world.

In many tales of Asian mythology, ginkgo biloba leaves represent pure love and eternal commitment. Like the intertwining halves of the Yin-Yang symbol, the two symmetrical, fan-shaped lobes of the ginkgo leaf merge at the petiole as a sign of harmony amidst opposing forces. The ginkgo biloba leaf carries a more unique charm in flower language. Its two-fold shape reflects the balance of contrasting energy in relationships– passion and patience, independence and unity – after “a lifetime waiting” for the right partner. This makes it a perfect choice for expressing one’s undying affection. While the ginkgo tree can survive even when planted alone, it cannot reproduce, emphasizing the importance of unity and companionship in life.

Now, the way to someone’s heart might not be ginkgo biloba, but boba instead. When Ron Osario first saw Lesley Banh after being paired together for a secret santa gift exchange, his first thought was, “Oh, she’s cute!” The two met at a joint event hosted by their respective Asianinterest fraternity and sorority where they successfully hit it off. Osario, dripping with extra dough from his new job as a medical scribe, decided he would “ball out on this girl” and showered Banh with Gator gear, gift cards and a boba cup from Teastori.

Four years later, their focus is on their future together. Banh and Osario explained that having “similar ambitions” is what attracted them to one another – both are majors in health education, hold strong family values and are first-generation students with a love for dance.

On the flip side, navigating cultural differences as a Vietnamese and Filipino couple has been both a challenging and rewarding experience. The two cultures share many commonalities but vary in terms of social rigidity and traditional roles. Banh even said she was “very lucky” her mother was accepting of her having a Filipino partner, as many Vietnamese parents prefer their children to marry within the culture.

“Growing up, my family was very traditional – as in, there were still gender roles. My mom told me how to cook and clean, how to be a mom, how to be a housewife. I was always prepared for those duties. So when I met his parents, I helped out in the kitchen,” Banh explained. As for the expectations of a man coming into her family, Osario checked off the box of financial security through his promising future career as a physician assistant.

On Osario’s end, he said he experienced minor pushback from his family regarding how they manage finances and home duties. These pressures did not stop them from building an equal partnership and dividing up the responsibilities prescribed to their roles. “I love cleaning– it’s one of my favorite things to do. In terms of cooking, I’ve learned to cook Vietnamese food, too. So, I don’t just let her prepare stuff in the kitchen. I don’t show up just to eat. I actually want to be able to do this on my own and help out in the future when we have kids.”

In Filipino culture, harana is a traditional display of love in which a young man “bears his heart in song” to a woman. That’s why when Osario sheepishly serenaded Banh at karaoke in front of his family, it was partly to include her in a homage to his roots. Karaoke is one way the couple connects over their separate customs, along with sharing food dishes and wearing traditional clothing such as the Vietnamese ao dai.

Mae Delassantos, a third-year civil engineering major, speaks on her longdistance relationship with her partner of five years. “With Asian culture, there’s an essence of ‘giving’ when being close to someone. We aren’t able to give each other the same attention other couples do, so when we do see each other it’s a big deal.” Despite the couple treasuring their time in person, living hours apart inevitably causes them to miss out on fostering close relationships with each other’s families — a keystone of Filipino culture. However, this same distance allows them to be more independent and focus on their personal goals outside of the relationship.

“In the past three years, there have been so many technological advancements towards supporting long-distance relationships,” Delassantos continued. This was largely spurred on by the COVID-19 pandemic because a majority of people had to maintain communication with loved ones solely through online channels.

A date doesn’t just mean going to the movies or dinner, it could also be a night spent gaming with your significant other on a shared Minecraft server while bantering over the headset. There are tons of two-player games out there that make it easy to connect with a partner through teamwork and simple fun. As a bonding pastime, Delassantos and her boyfriend play “Portal 2” and “It Takes Two” together on top of the more sociable games they play with their online friend group.

Unfortunately, cut up fruit for someone as an apology over the phone. In Delassantos’ words, showing affection in Asian culture involves many “little acts of love.” There is sometimes a disconnect with older generations when it comes to understanding long-distance relationships. They view separation as simply a drawback rather than an indicator of a strong relationship. While keeping the future in mind is important, solid communication and showing love when physically apart are fundamental. In fact, you can express those acts of love “by your own rules” as Delassantos continued, “whether it’s sending them a meme that reminded you of them or doing a check-in, I think those little acts have more weight in a long-distance relationship.”

While the face of love has greatly changed in modern times, the same challenges persist in dating and relationships among Asians. Osario and Banh are an example that cultural differences can be grounds to strengthen their connection. In another way, Delassantos and her partner show that love nowadays is not restrained by physical distance or cultural expectations.

The ginkgo leaf’s form has inspired many artists from around the world, one famously being Johann Wolfgang von Goethe. In his 1819 love poem, Ginkgo biloba, the lines

To take a lesson from the ginkgo biloba leaf, Delassantos advised that “it’s important for younger Asians going into relationships to have independence from their parents’ expectations. Find what you want and embrace that.” Striking a balance between modern norms and tradition when dealing with cultural expectations may be complicated— just as complicated as nurturing both autonomy and connection in a partnership. Thankfully, reaching this harmony makes way for lasting bonds and finding peace with one’s identity.