Cont. Keeping The Music Playing

Tell us about the day he passed.

DM: I found myself in a position that I would never wish on my worst enemy. Moe was in ICU on a ventilator. He was completely unresponsive. The doctors were pressuring me to make the decision to take him off life support. I didn’t know what to do. In my heart, I felt that he was no longer in his body. I felt him there, but not attached to his body. But still, making that decision was unbearable. Every time I left his hospital room my phone would jump to our text conversation. Moe had been on a ventilator for 12 days, unable to text, so our text conversation was pushed all the way down below all the texts of many people checking on him. I felt his texts showing up was his way of showing me that he was free of the body that had caused him so much pain. So early on May 8th I made the decision to have the ventilator turned off at 9pm. I wanted to change my mind. The doctors said that it may not make a difference anyway because he may pass away on his own at any time.

It turns out the doctors were correct. That evening, Moe’s blood pressure continued to drop and his breathing slowed. Our children, myself, and some other family members were in the room. When he was taking his last breath, I put my forehead up against his and put my hands on his cheeks. I talked him through his final breaths. I told him to go to God. I told him it was time for his reward. That’s how he had helped me cope with the loss of my grandparents. He would say that they had lived a good life, and that it was time for their reward. So that’s why I told him it was time for his reward, because he is one of the best men that I have ever known.

When he was gone, I whispered to him. I said, “Thank you baby, for not making me make that awful decision.” I don’t think I could have told those doctors to turn the machine off. It would have just hurt too badly, but Moe made it so that I didn’t have to.

MA: Mike passed away in the morning about an hour before I woke up. He was still warm to the touch and I could tell that he was fighting to stay here with me because he had dried up tears stains on his face. I got up, turned on the light and got confirmation that God had called him home. I said to him “Baby you’re free! Now, you can fly”!!!!

Tell us how you are coping?

DM: Grief is a journey. It’s mostly ugly and deeply painful, but there are small amounts of beauty. Some people say I am strong. They’re wrong. I have to keep going, for my two wonderful children. There is no replacement for Moe. Since he is not here in the flesh we feel a gaping hole in our lives. We want to make him proud. On the good days, I can focus on that and smile just a bit. Unfortunately, there are more bad days than good, and on those days it is difficult to accomplish even the smallest things. Keeping the studio running is difficult. Some days I don’t know if it’s me keeping the studio going, or the studio keeping me going; either way, it’s all for the best.

MA: I’m doing great! I have my moments, but for the most part I’m ok. I just think about all the things that we talked about. We talked about making it happen no matter what, so I am taking action.

What advice would give to other women who cope with losing a spouse?

DM: The advice I’ve been given is to be kind to yourself. Losing your spouse is such an unbelievable shock to your system. It becomes so hard to do the simplest things. You can’t focus mentally, you can’t remember things, and you’re always so tired. You feel like a stranger in your own life. This left my self-confidence shattered. Every time I’m not up to doing something or don’t complete something in time or at all, I feel like an awful failure. Reminding myself that I must be kind to myself, and give myself some slack is helpful.

I also highly recommend grief counseling. Don’t be surprised if the people that you thought would be there for you the most are not. If this happens, try not to take it personally. It’s hard not to, but you’re already experiencing so much pain, so try not to add to it. God has brought others into my life that have been incredible supports...literally lifesavers. Accept the love and support from these kind people and hold on to it. It’s what will get you through the hardest times.

MA: You must remember that God makes no mistakes and that we all have to go through this. Know that God will guide you through this. Believe in his word, and when I tell you that He will work it out for you, He will because he’s working it out for me. The love that you two shared together is something that is so amazing and special; always go back to that. Remember the love that brought you two together in the first place.

Final Thoughts….

DM: This probably sounds corny, but I feel so much more connected to nature now. When I’m walking outside and I feel the breeze on my cheeks, it makes me feel as if my husband is gently touching my face. I notice the smallest things. It’s like the world is somehow quieter now. I notice the clouds most of all; whether its a storm or as sunny as can be, they are more beautiful than ever. Every time I see a rainbow, I am convinced it is specifically for me. I feel all of this is my connection to my husband, and that it is because he is now free and part of everything. He would always say, “I am always with you and you are always with me”. I know that is true, because he has never broken a promise to me.

MA: I just want all of those who have lost a love one to know that there is still life after death and you must be strong and hold your head up high and LIVE! Never stop living. Never stop loving. The hurt will subside in a little while. Continue to live for you and them keeping the legacy alive. Even though he’s not here in the physical he’s here in spirit and I know that he walks with me every day, that’s what keeps me going. I feel his presence all the time which lets me know that he’s very pleased with the path that I’m on. “Thank You Baby! For sharing your love with me.” He was the best husband ever!

Love is a wonderful experience that lasts forever, even if our physical bodies don’t. Thank you lovely ladies for sharing your stories.

Your worlds have changed forever because you fell in love. Keep the music of love playing.

Fall is finally here! Days are shorter, the air is crisp, and the football games have begun. It becomes so easy to cuddle up with a bowl of soup and a hot drink. Then to think of the upcoming holidays… most of us will enjoy hearty meals and many desserts.All of that is great, but we must keep our health in mind. Here are a few tips for a fit fall!!!

Fuel Your Body

Load up on tons of fruits and vegetables that are high in calcium and vitaminsA, E, and C. These strengthen your immune system giving you more energy to do the things you love.

***Don’t forget to drink water and sleep well!!***

Fuel Your Mind

Your mental health is just as, if not more, important than your physical health. Take time each day to breathe, meditate, and focus your thoughts on healthy things that bring you joy. Positive thoughts bring positive results. If you are unhappy with certain areas of your life focus on the positive things you can do to change those things, but be careful not to beat yourself up.

Get Moving

We live in a fast paced world and it may seem we have no time to ‘exercise’, so take advantage of what you can do. Take a face-paced walk after lunch and dinner, park further from the grocery store, dance, and/or get out and play with your children. These small things add up! The key is to GET MOVING!