Meet the Miller Family: Kate, Beau and Theo

By Kate Miller Photos By Buonanno Photography

The Inspiration Behind Ausome Indy

Kate Miller never seems to stop. The Indianapolis native is mom to six-year-old Beau, who is on the autism spectrum, and 18-month-old Theo. She’s also Assistant Director of Philanthropy at Phalen Leadership Academies in Indianapolis and the co-founder and board chair of Ausome Indy. This is her story.

It is early in my parenting journey… I know the challenges I have faced have actually made me stronger, more aware, and more inclined to advocate for my family. I also know I have a lot of road ahead of me as a mom, and what [lies ahead] can sometimes be overwhelming to think about. That is a challenge in itself – the actual fear and rush of adrenaline I get when I begin to contemplate how my child with autism will navigate the world and regulate himself as a teenager, a young adult, and into adulthood. The biggest hurdle I incur daily is being overwhelmed and even stopped in my tracks by those thoughts. I work each day to overcome that–I practice being mindful of where I focus my thoughts and reminding myself to “be here now.”

My son, Beau, is what has been described to me by doctors as an “eloper” – he has a strong innate desire to explore, touch, feel, taste, and move. In any environment, Beau does not recognize or acknowledge danger or fear. It is one of the most incredible things about him and also the most demanding part of caring for him and keeping him safe. He sees the world with such joy and excitement that it can sometimes be dangerous, leading him to go out of doors that are not locked, venture around outside, and even into the water with no safety precautions. Last summer, Beau walked right into his aunt’s pool – he simply stepped right in with all the excitement a kid could have! And he went straight to the bottom of the 8-foot-deep pool. He loves water, but has not learned to keep his body buoyant in water, and does not mind swallowing the water – it is a very scary thing for mom. I dove right in with all my belongings still strapped to me, swam to the bottom of the pool, and pulled him out. All our family members were in shock, unsure of what to do or say next.

Having a child that has a difficult time hearing and following safety commands, amplified by his joy of the world and lack of fear, can make it harder to share time with family and friends who simply do not understand the complexities of those behaviors and how to mitigate them.

Potty training is the newest challenge–with a nearly 7-year-old, this has been a difficult exercise for all of us! We spend a lot of time in the bathroom, working through accidents with his communication device and a lot of fruit snacks to reward him with. For months we have been going through the learning process with his ABA therapists.

The best advice I can share with other parents experiencing similar situations is to find humor and grace in every situation. Encourage yourself to flip your perspective. When you’re in the middle of a challenge you have never navigated, be patient with yourself and know that you can, and will, own that challenge. I know that each day there will be new ones, but I remind myself in the thick of it that these experiences are strengthening my ability to handle the next one, and the next one after that.

Going out in public with a son who is nonverbal, very active, and enjoys exploration with no reservations is an adventure. When Beau was 4 years old, he learned to hold my hand through focused therapy in ABA. This simple act has transformed our lives. The ability to take Beau to the grocery store is a possibility and an activity that we both enjoy.

Having a child who does not use any words or language to communicate is a fascinating experience. I have learned that our communication comes through so many forms – it is the energy we bring to a room or situation, the look in our eyes that we share with others, the way we hold our stance or where we place our arms–so many ways one can express themselves. It has been an incredibly humbling process that I am only just beginning–to perceive communication differently.

When my son first used his communication device to tell me “no” when I asked him a question, that was a moment I will not soon forget. I had a physical rush of excitement when I witnessed him share how he felt about a potential activity. Not knowing what your child is thinking about, what may be bothering them, what their desires are, what interests them, and so many other layers of understanding that come with verbal communication are difficult and even heartbreaking. The moment my son shared more than what he wants to eat on his communication device, that was a BIG moment for us.

Beau attends Bierman ABA, which has been incredible for our family. The BCBA’s and therapists Beau has had there truly have changed our lives. ABA therapists are a special kind of human– their patience, encouragement, and intellectual curiosity in their work make a huge difference in so many lives and I cannot thank Bierman enough. They offer monthly webinar sessions for parents that have been very helpful to me and have allowed me to network with other parents.

My greatest joy in this world is helping people get what they need. My professional background is in nonprofit program and development work, and at the Phalen Leadership Academies, I work with children and families to gain access to the education and resources they need to be self-sufficient and thrive. I am very grateful to have found this field and continue to learn and be inspired by the work of those around me who are leading efforts in our city and in our communities to reach young people and empower them to create brighter futures.

Having an employer that encourages me to bring my whole self to work has been critical to my ability to excel in my career and manage my role as a parent. ABA therapy hours are strict – and pick up and drop off is important for me, so I manage a flexible schedule with my employer to be there for the things that I cannot compromise on. As a result, I also spend time balancing my schedule with late-night hours once the boys are asleep to catch up on any work and to spend intentional time on Ausome Indy services and programs. Being open and vulnerable with my employer about who I am and what my family needs from me is balanced by producing work I am proud of and being accountable for following through with my professional commitments.

As a family, we go down to visit “Papa” in Florida once a year and spend time at the beach with him. We try to visit Disney, too. Never have I seen such joy in a child as I do when Beau is at the ocean–he will sit, splash, laugh, and enjoy the tide rolling in and out. What I want most for him now is swimming lessons!

We also love the Newport aquarium and have acquired annual passes to visit when we want to and for whatever duration of time is appropriate for us. I have learned to pack fruit snacks, an iPad, headphones, and something for Beau to flap in his hand. Those four things are my go-to for any destination with Beau.

Here in Indy, we spend so much of our time at the splash pads and parks in the spring and summer–nearly every day! Exploring parks, trails, creeks, and anything outdoors is the best and most enjoyable activity for our family. If there is a fair or a festival in town, we are there! Beau and Theo love the excitement of lights, balloons, and animals. These types of activities are best for our family as they offer a setting where the boys can be active, engage with others, and have a great sensory experience with the sounds, smells, and tastes!

Beau’s favorite hobby is collecting items to store behind the couch, in the floor vents, or behind his bed. There is a treasure to be found in all those places on a weekly basis – books, toys, pens, cards, mail, and any other item that goes missing is usually found in one of those places. Beau also loves to have something in his hand that he can move when he is rocking, jumping, or just wants to move something back and forth while being still. He uses pop tubes, necklaces, balloons, leaves, anything with a string he can wrap around a pen, stick, or spatula…he can be very creative with his creations!

Having a special needs child influences where we go out to eat and how often we go. It is difficult to anticipate Beau’s needs when we visit a new restaurant–how’s the lighting? Is it loud? Are there windows? How far apart are the tables? How busy is it? Is there spaghetti on the menu? Beau loves spaghetti–it is his main preferred food and he eats it every single day. When the 3 pounds I make each week run low, our favorite place to go to enjoy spaghetti is Puccini’s in Greenbriar.

As the parent, it is difficult for me to enjoy a meal in public since the outing is usually focused on Beau’s needs and practicing things like safety commands, using utensils, staying seated, and maintaining an appropriate volume for the excited shrieks he shares in celebration of being out in public. Beau does enjoy these outings, and I have learned as his mom what the time limit should be, encourage a corner table, and always bring his own food and entertainment to help him be comfortable and accommodated.

I have been out with both of my boys on two separate occasions and strangers have paid our bill. I cannot even put into words how the kindness and compassion of this simple act have made me feel. I have been brought to tears by this, and I would share that it is an incredibly kind thing to do for a special needs parent. It is a gesture of connection, compassion, and care that we often do not receive or are too busy to appreciate. Those families and individuals in our community who care enough to make such a gesture are needed and appreciated so deeply.

Since Beau is very interested in exploring and being outside, going out in public is fun for him but we have to keep a very keen eye on him to be sure we don’t lose him. We currently use a little tracker that we put on his shoe when we go on hikes or to big events. Navigating his potty training and managing accidents appropriately in certain environments has also been quite a learning experience.

We listen to a lot of country music in our house; music is on every morning and in the evenings. Beau often will gravitate to the couch, sit, watch and listen to the music and spend a few moments still and calm. We’ve also been known to have a little living room dance party with Bruno Mars on a regular basis.

We love Italian food–bruschetta, pizza, and pasta are our favorites! It works well because for Beau it’s spaghetti every night. Spaghetti is the only meal he will eat. Ever since he was a baby, we have tried introducing him to new foods. I have learned to put a lot of vegetable servings in with his sauce. I pack spaghetti everywhere we go and have become very skilled at ensuring minimal mess when enjoying said spaghetti, no matter where we are!

Relaxing for me comes in the form of learning. I enjoy spending my downtime in the evenings reading, learning about current research in autism or neurology, and catching up on current events and topics relevant to my work with youth and education. I also love podcasts about personal development and current events.

Meditation is another form of relaxation for me–the type of meditation that encourages me to be still, focus on my breathing, and release any energy from the day that no longer serves me. Meditation has been a very powerful and intentional tool for relaxation since becoming a parent.

I am so grateful for my friends from high school (I’m a North Central grad) who have shown up to support Ausome Indy with their donations through Facebook and Instagram, and my family who do the same–even having their employers match their contributions to make our mission possible. I am humbled by this work and could not do it without their support and the support of our board of directors, who also give their time, talent, and treasure.

I need to share that I am inspired and hopeful when I see other parents with special-needs children. I love when I am in public with Beau and another parent acknowledges him and his unique way of exploring the world. Those interactions, nods, smiles, and stopping to say hello to my son when you know he will not respond–those moments mean so much to me. Being a parent is special…. and so often we are rushing through a store, an errand, or dinner and so concerned with making sure our children are “behaving.” I have learned to slow down and give people those moments of support/ connection that we all so very much want and need in this life. I want parents of all children to know that I actually LOVE it when you acknowledge Beau and engage with him as you would any other child. He does hear you, and he does understand you, and as his mom, I love you for knowing that and never dismissing his presence.

It is surprising to me how many people (even those I know well and love dearly!) dismiss his presence–don’t say hello to him, don’t seek out contact or interaction with him. I want people who may not know and love someone with autism that you should never be afraid to acknowledge them. In fact, go out of your way to do so.

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