PASTOR’S CORNER: The Providence of Proverbs (Honor & Shame

BY PAUL HATHCOAT

The Book of Proverbs is full of rich and beautiful insight into the nature of both people and God. I continually come back to it for life advice, for a reclaiming of my sanity, and even sometimes to just figure out why I feel the way that I am feeling. It feeds me and it guides me into alignment with God and His desires for my life. Let’s look at a couple of themes I’ve been focusing on in my SN adult Sunday school class. Let’s talk about honor and shame in the Book of Proverbs, from a pastor’s perspective.

What is HONOR, and how does it work in our lives? To others, honor is regarding someone with the utmost respect and dignity. As a verb and in our own lives, it means to meet the commitments that we have been presented with in life. In one’s faith, I believe that it means to give God the respect and recognition that He deserves. Proverbs 3:9 says, “honor the Lord with your wealth; the firstfruits of all your crops” (NIV). Proverbs 14:31 says, “whoever oppresses the poor shows contempt for their Maker, but whoever is kind to the needy honors God.” So, giving away the best of what you produce and intentionally being compassionate to the disadvantaged is the best that we can do to live with honor in our lives. If that is the prescription to both, please God and live right, then sign me up for a lifetime of those simple disciplines. What do you think of when you consider honor? Are you receiving it? Are you giving it? Would God say that you are honoring Him with your life? Things to consider for sure.

What is SHAME, and how does it affect us? Shame is the feeling that you get when you know that you have done wrong. It is the distress you feel when your actions are less than you know you are capable of. Proverbs tells us that “whoever disregards discipline comes to poverty and shame, but whoever heeds correction is honored” (Prov. 13:18). This scripture likens the lack of discipline to shame, indicating that without self-restraint and doing the things we know we should do, we will feel poor and shameful in our lives. I dare say that we all have been there. We all have felt undisciplined at some point which often leads to sadness, doubt, and even depression. But are those feelings of shame when we are struggling to make the right decisions strong enough to push us consistently toward honor? For me, it took a long time. It wasn’t until my 30s that I finally got sick and tired of that shameful feeling, enough that I decided to turn away from shame and start the long slow climb toward honor. I won’t go into every detail, but I will say that it started with one choice. I made a choice to seek honor, and then was ready to do the same again with my very next choice. It started to catch on.

In the disability world, these two topics exist for different reasons at times. Along my path of walking with parents and individuals living with disabilities, I have seen both honor and shame play out. I have seen parents who honor their commitment to love and care for their child for their entire lives, even though there is, at times, little to no hope for an independent or outwardly rewarding life experience. Those parents are both honorable in their steadfast commitment to a loved one and honoring in the choice they make every day to give all of themselves to someone other than themselves. I see honor in the life lived of so many of the caregivers and parents I have the pleasure of being in community with. As for shame, it also has gripped the lives of many around me. I have heard parents apologize repeatedly for the behaviors of their children. I have seen them recoil with guilt when they must back out of a commitment, meeting, or service because their family’s day took a turn for the worst, as it so often does. I have even had those impossibly difficult conversations with parents that feel responsible in some way for the condition of their child. I see misplaced shame in those eyes some days and want nothing more than to remind them that I understand and that we see you and your loved one for who they are and not just what they do or how they act in certain moments. God talks about the topics of honor and shame because He understands what it is like to be human. He understands that this earthly life is a struggle and that honor is hard to come by in our society today. He understands that shame is a part of our sinful and human lives. He knows that we need His guidance and the love of those around us to ultimately choose a life that is dedicated to learning more about Him and building a relationship with His son Jesus. I hope that this short article pricked your heart in a way that pushes you toward this wonderful Book of Proverbs. I know that I am a better man and pastor because of its wisdom. Choose honor and shed any shame that you are carrying today! Blessings to all of you out there wrestling with these topics. It is a true pleasure to bring you God’s words.

Do you have a thought, idea or information that you would like to see in this section in an upcoming issue? Email Paul Hathcoat at phathcoat@wrcc.org.