Meet the Kaminer Family

BY KENDRA ROGERS, MS - EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

Sheryl and Dennis, originally from NY, now live in Oak Park, MI and are parents to Elana who is 35 and an older daughter who is 40. They are also grandparents to a three-year-old grandson. Elana has special needs and lives in a home with another adult with special needs. Elana attends New Horizons in Madison Heights four days a week. Her one-on-one aid also takes her into the community.

Elana loves and misses their old cat Mickey Mantle whom she still talks about daily. Without family nearby, life is harder. Elana has behavioral challenges making life difficult. Elana has enjoyed good schools but moving Elana into a home more suited to her was a fight with the county. Sheryl and Dennis fought for what every child deserves--a safe home where they can blossom into who they are as people. Through their hard work and dedication, eventually, Sheryl and Dennis prevailed, and Elana has what she needs and deserves.

Sheryl shares that listening to yourself as a parent who knows what your child needs is the best way to advocate for them. She says, “Never stop trying. Push, push, pursue what you feel is right for your child and don’t give up!”

Sheryl and Dennis are currently enjoying retired life together and just celebrated their 43rd wedding anniversary, but prior, Sheryl worked at a synagogue, Congregation Beth Shalom, and Dennis worked at a jewelry and pawn shop, American Jewelry and Loan. Sheryl shared how accommodating the synagogue was with her need to be available for Elana. She says, “I never made a ton of money, but the synagogue fit in with my life and being a mom to a special needs daughter.” One aspect of parenting children with special needs is the demand on time. Having a job that allowed Sheryl to care for Elana was important to their relationship and Elana’s adulthood success.

Elana earned a certificate from Clawson High School and walked across the stage. The classroom aids and teachers took the class to Frankenmuth for their senior trip, too. It was a special experience that made Elana feel valued. She also got to graduate from Jardon in Hazel Park at 26. She wore a cap and gown and behaved appropriately. Sheryl and Dennis shared their pride in their daughter’s accomplishments and behavior. Many of her teachers attended the graduation party the family held at Shield’s to celebrate Elana’s accomplishments. After completing her certificate programs, Elana continues to enjoy time in the home her parents fought to secure for her as well as the enrichment activities she participates in throughout the year.

Elana’s favorite activity is horseback riding. She began riding horses at age 4 and has loved animals, especially horses, since. Elana is a rider at OATS, an equine assisted services center in Ortonville, MI (oatshrh.org). Sheryl shares that she and Dennis worked hard to ensure their older daughter didn’t feel left out and may have overcompensated at times. Sheryl enjoyed a cruise and Vegas with their oldest daughter. She also shares that family trips were rarely a possibility due to Elana’s challenging behaviors. While they couldn’t go on family trips much, they shared several holiday traditions including Thanksgiving. A favorite Thanksgiving tradition is sharing what each person is thankful for. Elana frequently shared humorous things like being thankful for her new red shirt! The ability to make special family memories amidst the struggles associated with parenting children with special needs allows families respite from the daily grind.

Elana can also attend a sleep-away camp every summer and winter. She also loves eating out at Applebees. McDonald’s and, now White Castle, are also favorites. The family enjoys eating out together during less busy times when places aren’t crowded. Elana also enjoys going to the park with her family or her staff, but it is challenging when there are a lot of people. She can be loud, and people stare. Sheryl says the staring really bothers her and she hates it. They prefer to stay more local with vacations together because Elana’s needs make longer travel challenging. They have driven to NY to see family, however, but would be very reluctant to take Elana on a plane.

In addition to parks, horses, and Applebees, Elana and her family love the Yankees! Elana even steals her Dad’s Yankees shirts to wear! Billy Joel is one of Sheryl and Dennis’s favorite singers and they share that love with Elana, too. They enjoy family dinner every Sunday night. They often eat steak, shrimp, and Chinese food or mashed potatoes and stuffing. Everyone loves these visits. Movie theaters and concerts are a go-to for relaxation for Sheryl.

While taking a person with special needs like Elana in public spaces is a challenge, Sheryl discusses their closeknit community where there are sidewalks and welcoming people. The Friendship Circle (https/www.friendshipcircle.org/) is a big part of their lives, too. Elana was there frequently as a child and Sheryl volunteers there now. She loves the ability to give back to the organization that helped them so much in earlier years. Sheryl also has a group of moms whom she is close with. They help each other with the extra needs of special needs children. They are also involved in Morc (https/www.morcinc.org/) which has helped with everything Elana and the family have needed.

Sheryl emphasizes that life is not easy and raising a child with special needs consumes every part of life. She says, “You do the best you can do, but you have to take care of yourself, your spouse, and other children, too.” One way Sheryl and Dennis ensured their marriage of 43 years stayed healthy and their older daughter was included was that they used respite hours which are frequently available as care and support hours for parents of individuals with special needs. She encourages parents to get all the respite hours they need and find all the services they can for their loved ones!