B U I L T
TO L A S T
Marriage is hard. Marriage is AMAZING! Marriage can be confusing. Marriage can be ENLIGHTENING! Marriage can knock you down. Marriage can build you up. A marriage can be many things in its lifetime, but it depends on you to shape it and mold it into what it will ultimately be.
For me, marriage has been an exercise in faith. Do I trust my wife to grow and mature and evolve into the woman that complements me and my chosen way of life? Will she prosper and bloom inside of this holy union? Does my wife trust me to get better and be more over time, all while figuring out the best ways to lead her and our family? Will I flourish and thrive inside of this two-person lifelong huddle? Are you asking yourself some of these same questions? Let’s talk about that, from a pastor’s perspective. I have faced and persevered through all these questions and uncertainties. My wife, Jen, and I have made it nearly 18 years together now, and God was the guiding light through all the good times and the bad ones. When my youngest son was around 6, he would call his mom “Daddy’s life.” Nope, that is no typo. He would say that she was my “life.” He thought he was saying wife, but nonetheless, he made an impact on me with that innocent tongue twister. Jen is my life, and she is also my wife. That is how God designed our marriages. The book of Ephesians tells us that “wives, submit to your husbands, as you do to the Lord” (Eph. 5:22, NIV). It also tells us husbands to “love your wives, as Christ loved the church” (Eph. 5:25). These suggestions from scripture can turn into personal pledges that eventually help our marriages fortify themselves against the world and all the trouble that surrounds it. Let me pass on some of the best advice that I have been given from trusted mentors, through personal experiences, and learned from my Bible. I pray that even just one of them will help you in your marriage (or future marriage) today. 1. Be Present. We only have this one life. We have no idea how much time we have. Put down the phone, turn off the TV, or come home from work early and connect with your spouse. Jesus even tells us to not worry about tomorrow, because it will have enough troubles of its own without us adding in our own drama. 2. Work Together. Marriage is a partnership. Take some time to really study what you are good at and what your partner is good at. Divide up those life tasks according to your giftedness, and then talk and recount the ways in which together, as a team, you won the day. And don’t forget, cheer each other on in this process. This is my marriage’s superpower. 3. Communicate. About what? About everything. I am not a talker. Jen is a verbal processor. We don’t share the same scale for what is important enough that it needs a formal discussion. However, our honesty and transparency when we do take the time to communicate, dictates the level of intimacy that we share. And that is deep, deep intimacy that connects us to each other like Christ was connected to His church.
38 Special Needs Living • December 2021
pastor’s corner By Paul Hathcoat
4. Allow Each Other Downtime. Taking care of myself means that I will be the best partner for my wife that I can be. This is never a self-serving only mindset. That can get unhealthy quickly if it is all about me. No, I understand that when I or my wife can get some space from life and do some healthy self-care, then we can re-enter each other’s proximity ready to connect. Jesus himself went out early or late in the day, by himself, to pray and recover. (Mark 1:35) 5. Have Faith. We must remember that God is with us. He roots for us and supports us daily. He has created marriages and families so that His kingdom on earth could stand up against the onslaught of the world. If we pray and read and talk about the Bible and its infinite guiding wisdom, our marriages grow and prosper. We must believe wholeheartedly that when we come to a roadblock in our marriage, that turning to God can be the fix that we need. Have faith in your spouse and have faith in your God. Together, that is a three-person team that cannot be defeated. These few tips that I have learned in my life have helped. I strive to be a good man because I want my wife to have a good husband, and I want to love her like Christ loved the church. Anything less and I will not be able to face the Lord when my time is up. This quote by Dave Willis sums up this article. “Great marriages don’t happen by luck or by accident. They are the result of a consistent investment of time, thoughtfulness, forgiveness, affection, prayer, mutual respect, and a rock-solid commitment between a husband and a wife.” May God bless you, and may God bless your marriages out there. Have faith! Do you have a thought, idea or information that you would like to see in this section in an upcoming issue? Email Paul Hathcoat – phathcoat@wrcc.org.
