HEART SOS

by Julie Gordon, MSW, LCSW

It is an honor to have the opportunity to support Special Needs Living Magazine while giving back to the community with any knowledge and experience I can share related to mental health and wellness of individuals with ASD and their families. While this column will be in the context of ASD, most topics will be helpful to any family impacted by related challenges.

Part 1: Hope, Love & ASD

The desire for belonging and loving relationships is innate to all of us. When we struggle to find, maintain and cultivate that, we end up feeling isolated, depressed and lonely. Relationships are essential for mental health, well-being and quality of life. Relationships are hard. We all know that. Relationships are extraordinarily harder for individuals on the Autism Spectrum. People are complex, nuanced and unpredictable. Relationships are so dynamic that there is no set of “social skills” that can be trained to make a person proficient. While helpful to black and white thinkers on the surface, human beings cannot learn to connect and relate with others by memorization of social rules. We all develop and learn to think through our shared experiences and interactions with our parents, caregivers and/or siblings. This critical dance begins with a communication feedback system called co-regulation. Through a series of joint engagements, we are guided by the “experts” in our lives to think, play, adapt, problem-solve and process important information around us. Then, we begin to communicate to “read” others, express ourselves and repair misunderstandings that enhance our relationships. A deeper perspective-taking of others, a personal sense of self and increased independence to self-regulate emerges and we can begin to collaborate and elaborate our skills with others. Until we have mastered this process with a trusted caregiver, we will continue to struggle with peers, coworkers and romantic partners. Research tells us that with ASD, a Neurodevelopmental Disorder, there are specific underdeveloped neural networks that impact the individual’s social and occupational daily functioning. The core areas affected by ASD are responsible for behavioral and executive functions, including: co-regulation, emotional engagement, episodic memory, flexible thinking, informational processing, joint attention, self-awareness, self-regulation, social cognition, social communication and social motivation. For individuals with ASD, while their parents were providing the necessary engagement for the development of these skills, those neural connections did not wire to encode the experiences properly. Without episodic memories of successful interactions to pull from, individuals will experience recurring “failures” with others. This is a major factor in the depression comorbidity rate being 4X higher for individuals with ASD, leading to a domino effect of stress, anxiety and trauma. Learning through secure relationships is required for development and development is required for learning complex relationships. Therapies must focus on restoring co-regulation, not just intervening on the behavioral symptoms manifested. There is hope. When broken down into smaller developmental steps with a qualified clinician, individuals with ASD can have safe, positive experiences necessary to develop the competence and confidence to initiate, maintain and repair friendships that they so desperately want and deserve.

Julie Gordon has been in the field of ASD for 19 years. She is the owner of The Hope Source and founder of Dynamic Minds Academy.

A new service model by The Hope Source for individuals and families

Opening for in-person and telehealth services in Indianapolis and Terre Haute, February 1, 2021. SERVICES OFFERED:

Mental Health Counseling • Behavior Consultation • Occupational Therapy • Speech Therapy • Diagnostic Testing

How do I make friends? How do I improve my marriage? How do I hang out with my family? How do collaborate at work? How do I relate to my grandchild? How do I find a girlfriend? How do I engage positively with my child?

We hear your SOS. Reach out today at asdheartsos.com