AUTISM MASKING — WHAT EXACTLY IS IT?

BY MATT KNIGHT

If you have heard of the condition known as autism spectrum disorder (ASD), you have also probably heard of the term “masking.” Masking has gotten a lot more attention these past few years as many news organizations and social media influencers have brought more attention to it. While this has certainly helped raise awareness of the issue, I do think that many neurotypical people still lack a critical understanding of what masking really entails for people on the spectrum as opposed to how neurotypical people would mask.

I do think that masking is something that everyone (neurotypical and neurodivergent) does to some extent, but I think the biggest difference for people who are masking ASD is that it is not as natural for ASD people to read emotions and understand social cues due to our unique neurobiology. Keep in mind that I consider this to be a companion piece to my article on autism and depression in this publication back in May of 2021, so if you haven’t read that one, try to read it if you can. It will help shed some light on the impact that masking autism has on the individuals with it.

I think that one of the biggest challenges with regard to “masking” is how neurotypical and autistic people perceive the concept differently. Neurotypical people tend to see “masking” as “temporary” or “short-term,” such as adjusting to any particular social situation (regardless of whether is distressing or not).

However, masking, as it relates to autism, can be best described as the “long-term” process/strategy that people on the spectrum create and use in social situations to “fit in” and/or to not get “punished” for being different. If you want, you can also view autism masking as any combination of the following phrases listed below:

1. Putting on an “act”

2. Playing an “acceptable” character while in public

3. Putting up appearances

4.People-pleasing taken to an extreme

5. “Fake it till you make it”

Personally, I hate feeling like I must conform to society’s “social norms” simply for the sake of conformity and/or trying not to make other people feel as uncomfortable as I do when I’m out in public. However, that doesn’t mean that I don’t mask my autism like many others on the spectrum. I have found that masking my autism includes the following coping strategies, but for you and/or any friends or family members, the process of masking will be different:

1. Monitoring my own facial expressions and emotional tone and mimicking/imitating facial expressions/ gestures, so I don’t offend someone else.

2. Paying careful attention to/monitoring facial expressions and body language in order to interpret their “intent” more correctly.

3. Trying to remember the things I have said and shouldn’t say in the future based on people’s reactions.

4. Pushing through bad/intense sensory discomfort (including, but not limited to, loud/sharp noises, bright lights, strong scents, etc.).

5. Occasionally forcing eye contact during conversations.

6. Learning social cues from a) watching random conversations while in public and b) various forms of media (i.e., TV/movies, internet articles, books, etc.).

7. Controlling/limiting/disguising stimming behaviors, or just attempting to use more “acceptable” ones (examples = fiddling with pens/ pencils, twirling keys, using squishy balls, etc.).

8. Hiding and/or minimizing personal interests/ thoughts (i.e., pretending to be a “yes man” and NEVER saying what I really think/what is on my mind at any given moment, etc.).

9. Anticipating what people will say and/or do so that I can say and do the right things or each specific situation and develop a repertoire of rehearsed responses to questions.

I think that the biggest issue with masking autism is that it is REALLY HARD to stop once someone starts. This is because the “normal/neurotypical” people around the autistic individual(s) will eventually come to accept the “mask” as the “real/authentic” version of the said autistic person due to (at least in my opinion) any combination of the following:

1. The autistic individual(s) continually “prove” to others that the “mask/character” that they wear/use to hide is worth associating with (i.e., everything that they say and/or do while masking is authentic/true/honest).

2. Other people are too busy and/or lazy to really reflect on the action(s) of the people around them (i.e., “Why would I want to make myself sad/angry/ jaded/etc. by reviewing the actions of random people to see if they are manipulating me or not?

If I’m not being hurt emotionally/physically/ financially/etc. even though one or possibly many people are consistently lying to me, I’m fine with it. I’d rather just enjoy my life.”).

3. The people around an autistic individual want me to start masking again because (often) they think they are just acting out and/or being too weird/different/ immature/etc. for them to handle whenever they try to stop masking and/or have a meltdown.

As a result, it is easy for those who mask to see that doing so is a lie/trap that becomes even more cemented with time as one gets more “successful.” More often than not, it feels like I can see the errors in my “programming/code” that shaped me, but I also feel like I’m completely burnt out from masking as well. However, I also know/fear that I must keep it up because I stand to lose EVERYTHING that I have worked for with regard to my career if I don’t.

Overall, masking autism is an emotionally complicated but damaging process that many on the spectrum have to do in order to survive here in the “real” world, but it doesn’t always have to be like this if more neurotypicals (not just ones that know and/or are related to someone on the spectrum) could see how emotionally exhausting it is for autistic individuals to hide their authentic selves (quirks and all) for HOURS at a time.

However, I also think that autistic people that are masking their autism need to start unmasking, if only to 1) start feeling more confident in themselves and 2) to show everyone around them that what they see isn’t always reality.

Once both of these things start to happen, just maybe we can start building a society together that is more accepting of those who are “different” but just want to be happy with “who they are.”

If you want to watch the video that I did on masking for my YouTube Channel (Knight Bros. Commentary), here is the URL (you can also scan the QR code as well). Admittedly, it is pretty long, but it does provide a more in-depth analysis of the effects of masking autism — https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PuE_ kI3Ek80&list=PLCzEM2VR8UTpGHnz43_ vcGaGM7TsVTx3m&index=1.